Poor communication from high schools

[Terabith]

My oldest kid attends a tiny high school with 65 kids.  They don't have grades, and at my oldest's conference to go over narrative evaluations last year, the goal they were given was "make a friend."  Last year was their first year at the school, and they were virtual the whole year, so they haven't really made any friends yet.  The advisor/ headmaster person had mentioned something about a college trip with seniors, back in early June, but that was the only thing I have heard about it.  

Today on facebook, there was a post with photos and announcement that 11 seniors and 3 faculty had left today on their "long awaited senior college tour" where they would visit six colleges.  They'll get back Monday and school starts Tuesday.  

Neither me nor my kid ever heard anything about the trip.  So my kid isn't on it, and will start school on Tuesday with the whole entire, every other member of the senior class who has gotten to bond.  And my kid will be alone, again.  

I had an extended email exchange with the school secretary a few weeks ago about the meningitis vaccine, and the trip was not mentioned.  I emailed Lyr's advisor today about their schedule, and he didn't mention it.  

It would have been nice to have known, and I am just so hurt and so sad that my kid is once again left out.  I am sure it wasn't malicious.  But the result is the same.  

I did hear about a tubing trip on September 11, the day before sign ups were due, but my kid is taking the ACTs that day, so they can't go on that either.  

Edited September 1, 2021 by Terabith

[Kassia]

Oh, I'm sorry.  It's too bad that they didn't post on facebook about it until it was too late.  Is there any kind of newsletter available by email or on their website or on social media (I hate that social media is the best way to get information about things like that)?  If not, can you request it?  

[elegantlion]

Wow, I'm so sorry. I would be upset. 

[Terabith]

1 minute ago, Kassia said:

Oh, I'm sorry.  It's too bad that they didn't post on facebook about it until it was too late.  Is there any kind of newsletter available by email or on their website or on social media (I hate that social media is the best way to get information about things like that)?  If not, can you request it?  

I get their newsletter.  It was not mentioned there.  I check their website and follow them on facebook and search my email every three days for emails from the school.  My kid checks their emails.  

[pinball]

I would try to see if I could catch up with the group and have my child join.

It is unacceptable that your child was excluded.

 

[TheReader]

Oh, wow. I'd be pretty livid, honestly. I mean, maybe that's an overreaction on my part, but....ouch. I'm so sorry. The school should absolutely not have excluded them. 

 

[Terabith]

4 minutes ago, pinball said:

I would try to see if I could catch up with the group and have my child join.

It is unacceptable that your child was excluded.

 

I still have no idea where they are going.  At this point, we have obligations for the next couple of days (in person driver's ed and a doctor's appointment), but if I'd known even this morning, I would have rearranged our lives to accommodate it.  

It's a lovely school.  I am sure it was not malicious.  But for a school that's all about community, we have had one struggle after another about communication of events.  I assumed last year it was because they were virtual.  

I'm also annoyed the scheduled an all school tubing trip (which my kid would have loved) for ACT weekend.  

Edited September 1, 2021 by Terabith

[Lecka]

I would contact someone like a principal or counselor and say you did not receive communication and it’s a problem.

It should be on them to make it up.  
 

It “should” be — hopefully they will fix this and make up for it.  
 

I can see it being a mistake, but it is not a mistake that should continue once they are alerted.

This is such garbage for your daughter, I’m sorry.  I hope if they try to do better she will be receptive!

Definitely it’s time to put it out there it’s a problem and hope they feel bad and work to make it up.  

[TexasProud]

Yes, I would make an appointment to talk to the principal. It makes no sense that she was not included. None.

[Terabith]

7 minutes ago, Lecka said:

I would contact someone like a principal or counselor and say you did not receive communication and it’s a problem.

It should be on them to make it up.  
 

It “should” be — hopefully they will fix this and make up for it.  
 

I can see it being a mistake, but it is not a mistake that should continue once they are alerted.

This is such garbage for your daughter, I’m sorry.  I hope if they try to do better she will be receptive!

Definitely it’s time to put it out there it’s a problem and hope they feel bad and work to make it up.  

I don't think there's a way to make up for missing something like this.  We specifically did not go visit the in state colleges because we expected my kid to see them with the school.  There is no time for us to visit the colleges before applications are due without missing school.  And there is no way to make up for everyone else getting to spend time together and bond.  

I mean, I have emailed both the directors, and maybe they'll check their mailing lists.  

But I don't think this is the kind of mistake that can be fixed.  I mean, I hope my kid still manages to make a friend this year, but my expectations are low at this point.

[TheReader]

1 minute ago, Terabith said:

I don't think there's a way to make up for missing something like this.  We specifically did not go visit the in state colleges because we expected my kid to see them with the school.  There is no time for us to visit the colleges before applications are due without missing school.  And there is no way to make up for everyone else getting to spend time together and bond.  

I mean, I have emailed both the directors, and maybe they'll check their mailing lists.  

But I don't think this is the kind of mistake that can be fixed.  I mean, I hope my kid still manages to make a friend this year, but my expectations are low at this point.

I would at the very least expect that the school will give your child excused absences for however many day(s) they miss to visit colleges, since they were not included in the group trip.  At a minimum. 

It doesn't make up for them missing out on the bonding of the class trip. It doesn't make up for the missed trips when it would have been more convenient. It doesn't make up for the ridiculousness of scheduling a tubing trip on ACT weekend (what school on earth does that?).  But it at least removes any penalty for your child for when they are able to go visit colleges on their own/with your family. 

I'd personally ask for all work missed on those day(s) to be waived, too, honestly, since this was the direct fault of the school. 

[Lecka]

It’s too late for the missed events to be made up — but it’s only August!  I think it’s worth trying to be optimistic — at least to try to get them to have a chance to get their act together.  
 

I completely agree it’s a messed-up situation — but it’s also only August and one trip is not the end of the world to miss.

That is — if this isn’t representative of how everything is going to be.  
 

If they are going to try going forward — it’s not too late.

If this is their whole attitude revealed — not so much. 

[Lecka]

Honestly — if you are expecting in-person school, I think in two weeks it may not make much difference. 

[Terabith]

5 minutes ago, Lecka said:

Honestly — if you are expecting in-person school, I think in two weeks it may not make much difference. 

100% of students and staff are vaccinated, masks are required, ventilation has been entirely overhauled, less than 80 people in the entire school community, and nobody is allowed to eat or drink indoors.  Lunch is held outside with canopies in case of rain.  

I think they'll manage in person school.  

[Lecka]

The trip would have been nice for sure, but it is absolutely not too late.  If there is someone (or someones) she is going to hit it off with, it is really, truly not too late.  
 

But it is too bad, too!  

[Chris in VA]

So sorry that happened!

In addition to all the other good advice you have received, I would gently suggest that your teen might bear some responsibility for the missed communication. It doesn't make sense that they are the only one unaware of the trip. It doesn't add up that there was absolutely no discussion among the teens or teachers, or information night or whatever. No sign up? No teacher or chaperone checked on y'all? 

Very weird. 

But I think that sort of being aware of what everyone else knows would be a skill needed in college. My son had a bit of a lack in that area. He is on the spectrum--AspieHFA--and missed some conversational information from time to time, tuning out what his mind filtered not pertaining to the academics. 

Even with that said, it must have hurt your heart, too, to think your teen was left behind. I agree, though, it is only Aug. 

[Terabith]

25 minutes ago, Chris in VA said:

So sorry that happened!

In addition to all the other good advice you have received, I would gently suggest that your teen might bear some responsibility for the missed communication. It doesn't make sense that they are the only one unaware of the trip. It doesn't add up that there was absolutely no discussion among the teens or teachers, or information night or whatever. No sign up? No teacher or chaperone checked on y'all? 

Very weird. 

But I think that sort of being aware of what everyone else knows would be a skill needed in college. My son had a bit of a lack in that area. He is on the spectrum--AspieHFA--and missed some conversational information from time to time, tuning out what his mind filtered not pertaining to the academics. 

Even with that said, it must have hurt your heart, too, to think your teen was left behind. I agree, though, it is only Aug. 

Well, the issue is that the school went back full time for the last six weeks last year, but my kid remained virtual (one of three kids who stayed virtual).  So they really were not privy to any chatter.  My kid has been checking the google classroom site and has shown me what was displayed....it was not the info that I am now receiving.  It has come to light that we were left off of not one but two different email lists, and there has been some major snafu with google classroom.  

There was also a "rising seniors and their parents" meeting in person last spring, in which things like how often to check the google classroom site over the summer were covered; however, the information about this rising seniors meeting was distributed via the email chain that we WERE NOT ON.  So we had no idea what we were missing.

But no, I am angry because in a school with TWELVE seniors, the fact that nobody checked on the fact that we had not shown up to this very important meeting nor had we ever responded to ANYTHING distributed via these two different email lists did not prompt anyone to call or email us....including extended conversations with the headmaster/ my kid's advisor the day of the trip regarding their schedule.  

I should also point out that I have raised the issue with various faculty members and other involved parents (via a parent meeting) at least three times over the previous year, in my husband's hearing, that I thought we were left off of some communication, because we were constantly finding out about events after they had already occurred or right before they occurred.  I was assured repeatedly over the last year that I was NOT missing information.  

The administrative assistant, whose job it is to have added us to these lists when we joined the school last year, says that I should "get more involved by coming to PTA meetings."  I went to every (virtual, zoom) PTA meeting held (at least that I heard about) last year.....I was often one of only four or five parents at said meetings, along with her.  So SHE KNOWS that I was there.  

I am lividly angry and deeply hurt.  I am an information junkie.  I am always in the loop, because I always read EVERYTHING in every handbook, website, schedule, email chain.  I read the entire 128 page covid safety plan and provided them with written feedback.  

What I did not get was ADDED TO THE FREAKING EMAIL LIST.  

[pinball]

6 minutes ago, Terabith said:

Well, the issue is that the school went back full time for the last six weeks last year, but my kid remained virtual (one of three kids who stayed virtual).  So they really were not privy to any chatter.  My kid has been checking the google classroom site and has shown me what was displayed....it was not the info that I am now receiving.  It has come to light that we were left off of not one but two different email lists, and there has been some major snafu with google classroom.  

There was also a "rising seniors and their parents" meeting in person last spring, in which things like how often to check the google classroom site over the summer were covered; however, the information about this rising seniors meeting was distributed via the email chain that we WERE NOT ON.  So we had no idea what we were missing.

But no, I am angry because in a school with TWELVE seniors, the fact that nobody checked on the fact that we had not shown up to this very important meeting nor had we ever responded to ANYTHING distributed via these two different email lists did not prompt anyone to call or email us....including extended conversations with the headmaster/ my kid's advisor the day of the trip regarding their schedule.  

I should also point out that I have raised the issue with various faculty members and other involved parents (via a parent meeting) at least three times over the previous year, in my husband's hearing, that I thought we were left off of some communication, because we were constantly finding out about events after they had already occurred or right before they occurred.  I was assured repeatedly over the last year that I was NOT missing information.  

The administrative assistant, whose job it is to have added us to these lists when we joined the school last year, says that I should "get more involved by coming to PTA meetings."  I went to every (virtual, zoom) PTA meeting held (at least that I heard about) last year.....I was often one of only four or five parents at said meetings, along with her.  So SHE KNOWS that I was there.  

I am lividly angry and deeply hurt.  I am an information junkie.  I am always in the loop, because I always read EVERYTHING in every handbook, website, schedule, email chain.  I read the entire 128 page covid safety plan and provided them with written feedback.  

What I did not get was ADDED TO THE FREAKING EMAIL LIST.  

The part I bolded…that should have been the red flag for ANY school, IMO, and  especially in a school that small.

I think in a school that size, you should have got a confirmation call after the final sign up deadline…”We see Lyr hasn’t signed up for the class trip. Is there anything they need to make it possible for them to attend?”

You: “what class trip?” 
 

Problem avoided.

[fraidycat]

Twelve seniors and they can't make sure their email lists are up-to-date? 
 

That is completely unacceptable! Twelve! Not 1200, not even 120, 12 names!!! I am pissed on your behalf, and I'd be after that admin assistant's job! UN.accept.able.

Edited September 2, 2021 by fraidycat

[Arcadia]

11 minutes ago, Terabith said:

But no, I am angry because in a school with TWELVE seniors, the fact that nobody checked on the fact that we had not shown up to this very important meeting nor had we ever responded to ANYTHING distributed via these two different email lists did not prompt anyone to call or email us....including extended conversations with the headmaster/ my kid's advisor the day of the trip regarding their schedule.  

…

What I did not get was ADDED TO THE FREAKING EMAIL LIST.  

We had similar things going on in public elementary school when my oldest attended. The room parents had queen bee personality.  When my friend was trying to encourage me to send my kids to our public high school, she kind of promised to keep an eye on stuff since she is an active PTA volunteer.  We chose not to for other reasons.

[Terabith]

4 minutes ago, fraidycat said:

Twelve seniors and they can't make sure their email lists are up-to-date? 
 

That is completely unacceptable! Twelve! Not 1200, not even 120, 12 names!!! I am pissed on your behalf, and I'd be after that admin assistant's job! UN.accept.able.

I THINK the issue is that we started as a junior and not as a freshman?  But yeah, the school has loads of wonderful qualities and it really has been great for my kid, but organization and communication are NOT their strengths.  I'm not sure what role being virtual, especially when most of the school went back at the end, played, but we didn't want to go back in person until my kid got fully vaccinated.  

[Farrar]

That's jaw-dropping bad. Like, I'm astounded at how terrible that is. And I used to be a dean at a tiny school like that so I often feel a lot of grace for parent demands on schools and teachers. A lot of the things people post here that they're "livid" about or that people encourage them to feel livid about, I'm often like, okay, but I see how this happened, I see how this was an honest mistake, maybe take a breath, etc. But this? Holy cow. I have zero understanding. Like, I get what you're saying about how you're the outsiders, but there are only 12 kids. Like I said, I've worked in a situation like that. There's no way I and my colleagues would have just forgotten a kid at absolutely every stage of planning like that, no matter how much of an outsider they were. I'm furious for you and your kid. 

[ktgrok]

That's crazy pants. 

I'd be so angry. 

that said, a tiny bit of good has come of your situaation...it prompted ME to double check about an email list - emails for youth are supposed to go to the youth AND the parent, and I saw yesterday my daughter got the email and I hadn't yet. I might have blown it off if I hadn't seen this thread. Instead, I followed up and turns out, my email got left off the list! 

So I am sorry for your daughter, but I do thank you for the post. This youth group is the first opportunity my daughter has had to make friends in forever, so it is important I stay up to date. Thank you. 

[teachermom2834]

That’s awful. I went to a high school with a class of 100. Even in that size class there would have been follow up on kids missing something big. So 12? Yeah I can’t even think of an excuse. 
 

sorry. 

[Terabith]

1 hour ago, Farrar said:

That's jaw-dropping bad. Like, I'm astounded at how terrible that is. And I used to be a dean at a tiny school like that so I often feel a lot of grace for parent demands on schools and teachers. A lot of the things people post here that they're "livid" about or that people encourage them to feel livid about, I'm often like, okay, but I see how this happened, I see how this was an honest mistake, maybe take a breath, etc. But this? Holy cow. I have zero understanding. Like, I get what you're saying about how you're the outsiders, but there are only 12 kids. Like I said, I've worked in a situation like that. There's no way I and my colleagues would have just forgotten a kid at absolutely every stage of planning like that, no matter how much of an outsider they were. I'm furious for you and your kid. 

Right?  My brain knows that it isn’t personal, but honestly, I am having to work really hard to believe it isn’t.  
 

When the Secretary emailed me last night with the huge quantity of detailed information, my jaw literally dropped.  That we weren’t invited to the meeting, that we got off the email lists, that Google classroom did not function, and that my kid wasn’t in person to hear announcements?  

Edited September 2, 2021 by Terabith

[Danae]

I think at this point I would be asking the school how they intended to make this up to my kid.  

[TexasProud]

9 minutes ago, Terabith said:

Right?  My brain knows that it isn’t personal, but honestly, I am having to work really hard to believe it isn’t.  
 

When the Secretary emailed me last night with the huge quantity of detailed information, my jaw literally dropped.  That we weren’t invited to the meeting, that we got off the email lists, that Google classroom did not function, and that my kid wasn’t in person to hear announcements?  

Yes, I am sorry but I just cannot fathom this. I was in charge of a graduating class of 8 at the Christian School.  One seemed kinda flaky IMO, but I ALWAYS made sure that contact was made to the mom. I talked to her or texted her. The only thing I can think of is that they thought you dropped out because of Covid.  But yeah, I could see your daughter having trouble now. Not intentionally. But I am not sure what you can do to fix this. I mean, yes, throw a fit, but the damage is done. And then, do they see you as even more of a troublemaker? It just doesn't make sense to me that they didn't communicate at all unless they thought you were dropping out, but even then, good grief, make sure.

Inexcusable. I am so sorry. Should not have happened. I am furious for you.

[Melissa Louise]

Are you paying fees for this?! 

I'm sorry, it's awful your DC has been left out. 

[Terabith]

42 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

Are you paying fees for this?! 

I'm sorry, it's awful your DC has been left out. 

Yes, in fact yesterday I got an email about tuition.  

[fraidycat]

10 hours ago, Terabith said:

I THINK the issue is that we started as a junior and not as a freshman?  But yeah, the school has loads of wonderful qualities and it really has been great for my kid, but organization and communication are NOT their strengths.  I'm not sure what role being virtual, especially when most of the school went back at the end, played, but we didn't want to go back in person until my kid got fully vaccinated.  

Nah. They know she's a senior and managed to get her enrolled in senior level classes, so when you started at the school is irrelevant. You're being too nice in giving them the benefit of the doubt here. 

Edited September 3, 2021 by fraidycat

[Tanaqui]

Quote

But for a school that's all about community, we have had one struggle after another about communication of events.

 

That's it right there. "All about community" is a phrase often used by people and organizations who are, frankly, flaky and terrible at actually doing the hard work. It's right up there with "We consider ourselves a family" by anything that's not, in fact, a family. It *can* be neutral or even positive - but I've been burned so much by places that claim to put a value on "community", always in one of two ways, that I would not expect them to have their stuff together even a little bit. They might honestly be community oriented, but I'd assume until further evidence that *I* need to be on top of *them*.

(The other way you get burned by places like that is extreme cliquishness. Which could also explain what happened here. I noticed they were able to remember to contact you about *tuition*....)

[TexasProud]

4 hours ago, Tanaqui said:

 

(The other way you get burned by places like that is extreme cliquishness. Which could also explain what happened here. I noticed they were able to remember to contact you about *tuition*....)

To be fair, typically financial stuff is handled by an outside company. So that is totally separate from regular school communication. 

But yes, cliquishness can be a problem.

[Faith-manor]

4 hours ago, Tanaqui said:

 

That's it right there. "All about community" is a phrase often used by people and organizations who are, frankly, flaky and terrible at actually doing the hard work. It's right up there with "We consider ourselves a family" by anything that's not, in fact, a family. It *can* be neutral or even positive - but I've been burned so much by places that claim to put a value on "community", always in one of two ways, that I would not expect them to have their stuff together even a little bit. They might honestly be community oriented, but I'd assume until further evidence that *I* need to be on top of *them*.

(The other way you get burned by places like that is extreme cliquishness. Which could also explain what happened here. I noticed they were able to remember to contact you about *tuition*....)

Unfortunately, I have to agree. It seems like those who have to openly tote " we are a community" do so because they really aren't a community, and are trying to slip that under the radar. Instead, they are a hen house with a pecking order. There are the bullies/controllers at the top, a middle group of accepted into the fold people, and then those on the bottom that they never accept and like to kick around. Very clickish. Clicks like to have folks on the fringe, exterior that they can look down their noses at. I hate to say it, but Terabith, they probably did this deliberately. They have known for months that you were being excluded from communication, they only have 12 seniors so they darn well knew they were leaving your student out, and they aren't even the slightest bit sorry they did it! I get that this is NOT a good time to be changing schools/education path. College Ap, and Trade School Ap, season is here. But I would suggest in strong terms to them that they owe you free tuition because you should not be paying for this garbage treatment, and see what happens.

[Miss Tick]

16 hours ago, Terabith said:

I am lividly angry and deeply hurt.  I am an information junkie.  I am always in the loop, because I always read EVERYTHING in every handbook, website, schedule, email chain.

I deeply connect with this and I'm sorry for the hurt they have caused you both, and the fact that there is no way to correct this. 

 

[TexasProud]

11 minutes ago, Faith-manor said:

Unfortunately, I have to agree. It seems like those who have to openly tote " we are a community" do so because they really aren't a community, and are trying to slip that under the radar. Instead, they are a hen house with a pecking order. There are the bullies/controllers at the top, a middle group of accepted into the fold people, and then those on the bottom that they never accept and like to kick around. Very clickish. Clicks like to have folks on the fringe, exterior that they can look down their noses at. I hate to say it, but Terabith, they probably did this deliberately. They have known for months that you were being excluded from communication, they only have 12 seniors so they darn well knew they were leaving your student out, and they aren't even the slightest bit sorry they did it! I get that this is NOT a good time to be changing schools/education path. College Ap, and Trade School Ap, season is here. But I would suggest in strong terms to them that they owe you free tuition because you should not be paying for this garbage treatment, and see what happens.

Yeah, that will just get her ostracized and her daughter looked at as even more of an outsider. Not saying it is right, just what is. I would withdraw her from the school and get a full refund. But then, where does that leave her daughter?? I would talk to her and see what she wants. What is her best chance of finding a decent group of friends. Did she hit it off with any of the 12. If not, then this is probably a lost cause at this point. They need to look elsewhere, which is awful and not fair. 

[Lecka]

I think adults do what they do, and kids do what they do.

I think within a short amount of time, there will be clicking with kids.  Or, there won’t be.

I am sorry for this poor situation!

But still have hope that teachers will do a better job than the administration has in trying to foster connection.  Or that there will just be some like minds in the class.  
 

I also think there needs to be huge apologies and restitution made! 

[Lecka]

Really I think if you do not get shocked, horrified apologies, then this school is just run in a garbage way.  I don’t know if there has been a chance to hear the response — I still have hope you get a good one.

If this is how the administration is, the teachers could be different, but maybe some teachers try to change schools for a better administration.  
 

I am curious if you think there could be discrimination involved?  I think it’s the elephant in the room a bit.  Bc you were assured (iirc) this was an inclusive accepting school, but sometimes that is said but not everybody is on board with it.  Edit:  and on that, students, teachers, administration, etc, could all be different from each other.  I don’t think even small schools are monoliths.  

Edited September 3, 2021 by Lecka

[Terabith]

It really does seem to be about community.  Even attending online only, it was super clear to us that these are Lyr’s people.  The kids have been very friendly and welcoming.  Lyr didn’t make any great friends, because they weren’t in physical proximity, but I really do think friendship is a definite possibility.  
 

I don’t think they knew Lyr was being left off of communication.  Because of the loosey goosey approach to organization, it was never clear to me who administration was.  (It’s hard to explain, but everyone on staff both teaches and has some administrative duty. So the persons I have mentioned my concerns to were not the person running the email list.  And because I didn’t know for sure that there was an issue, I didn’t make a big deal out of it.  I just thought they weren’t good at communicating.)

 I think they SHOULD have talked to us individually, but I genuinely do not think this was personal or malicious.  Several faculty have said they Lyr is “the perfect Community High kid.”  And it’s true. This is the school they need to be at, and after changing schools in 9th, 10th, and 11th, we are not changing again.  Frankly there really aren’t any other options other than homeschool.  And leaving would break Lyr’s heart.  For all of its faults, these are definitely their people.  I really believe it was just a comedy of errors that resulted from being left off the first email list and was compounded by Lyr staying virtual.  I am super pissed that nobody noticed, but I think it was a screw up and not personal.  

[ktgrok]

I wonder, since Lyr was virtual due to Covid longer than others, if they assumed Lyr not going on the trip was due to Covid concerns? And they didn't want to be awkward and force that?

[Terabith]

3 minutes ago, ktgrok said:

I wonder, since Lyr was virtual due to Covid longer than others, if they assumed Lyr not going on the trip was due to Covid concerns? And they didn't want to be awkward and force that?

That’s very possible.  And their college advisor, who we have communicated with often, is not on the planning and organizing list for the college trip.  So an additional level of out of mind.  I really don’t think malice is the issue here.  The person in charge of the email lists screwed up.  Lyr wasn’t checking the Google classroom daily through the summer because we missed the meeting giving that instruction. I didn’t know the Google classroom existed, because I missed the initial meeting because I wasn’t on the email list, and also I never got on the parent summary email list.  There probably was an assumption that we weren’t going because of covid, which is reasonable since we’ve been established as more cautious than other folks.  (Now that my kids are vaccinated, I am basically just having them do stuff masked but otherwise normally.  But Lyr only got vaccinated fully in May.)

I am sad and angry but I don’t want tuition given back or anything crazy.  I just want it fixed going forward.  

[sassenach]

My oldest went to a small private school with a graduating class of 11, so I have some experience here. Our school also had a strong family thing where half of the students and teachers were related to each other. We would get notice of week long field trips less than a week in advanced. It was maddening. 
 

My guess is that you got accidentally left off of the initial notice and then maybe everyone assumed you were out because of covid? You said that you were one of just a few that didn’t go back in the spring and that you combed over the covid plan and gave them feedback. It wouldn’t surprise me if they assumed that you would not be interested in the risk of a college tour. 
 

I’m sorry, though. This is awful. 

[Terabith]

1 hour ago, Lecka said:

I am curious if you think there could be discrimination involved?  I think it’s the elephant in the room a bit.  Bc you were assured (iirc) this was an inclusive accepting school, but sometimes that is said but not everybody is on board with it.  Edit:  and on that, students, teachers, administration, etc, could all be different from each other.  I don’t think even small schools are monoliths.  

I don’t think discrimination is an issue.  More than 50% of the kids are LGBT. The faculty is very diverse.  My kid was far from the only non binary kid.  They made transition pretty darn painless.  
 

I think the person who runs the email list screwed up.  She apologized and is being very defensive, but I know her from our kids being in activities before. I think that’s just her anxiety that she’s in big trouble, but I admit I am pissed at the implications that this is our fault.  She does appear to be trying to fix it.  I won’t feel solid though until I get an email and next week’s summary of the Google classroom.  I am angry none of the staff noticed we hadn’t replied or participated in anything, but I think it’s the combination of being new and covid making things virtual.  They didn’t have a mental image of who was in the class that included Lyr.  
 

Also, there are no grade level classes except for US History.  All the math, science, arts, and humanities classes are multi grade, so that makes it harder to realize who is in what grade. 

[ktgrok]

Can you email the teacher(s) and explain what happened so they can be proactive in making sure Lyr is included in things?

Also, maybe the administration could send out an email, under the guise of "making sure everyone is on the email list" explaining that there was a snafu and your family got left off, leading to your family not being included/invited to the stuff over the summer and they don't want anyone else in that situation. That would let the other families know that you weren't being a snob or standoffish or whatever. 

[PeterPan]

20 hours ago, Terabith said:

The administrative assistant, whose job it is to have added us to these lists when we joined the school last year, says that I should "get more involved by coming to PTA meetings." 

That's called cover your butt and don't want to get fired. 

Edited September 3, 2021 by PeterPan

[PeterPan]

1 hour ago, Terabith said:

I think the person who runs the email list screwed up.  She apologized and is being very defensive,

Take it up to the principal immediately. She's defensive because she knows she screwed up royally. She needs to have the consequences that come from doing a terrible job at stuff. 

And don't feel bad about that. At our district school people get fired, absolutely. Administrative jobs are highly desirable and have high consequences when you screw up. She SCREWED UP. Report it, complain, and let them administer consequences.

[Storygirl]

I'm really angry on your behalf. I'm glad that someone at the school is communicating with you about it. But I agree that you should send an email to all of Lyr's teachers and all of the administrative staff, to make sure that someone who can actually do something about this is actually in the loop. I would be worried that the woman who is emailing with you now might not share the mix-up with everyone who should know, in an attempt to shield herself from trouble.

[Moonhawk]

The admin asst is in damage control mode. She is trying to placate you so you don’t take it up the chain of command (by apologizing), saying it’s really your own fault so you won’t blame her (PTA comment), and probably trying to do what she can to fix it so it doesn’t look as bad to her superiors (“appear to be trying to fix it” comment). This is all CYA tactics, I highly doubt anything will actually come out of it that will help you and your kid, it will only be by accident if you do get help. If you haven’t directly spoken with the principal yet, you need to, they might not even know what’s really happened and any excuse or explanation given by the assistant cannot be trusted to be the whole truth. If she’s willing to blame you to your face when she knows you go to PTA meetings, what is she willing to insinuate to others to make it look like just a little mistake in her part and a huge oversight on yours? 

[KungFuPanda]

Can you reach out and form friendships with any of the moms?  Or at least a friendly working acquaintanceship?  It would help to have a back-up contact in the parenting loop until you are sure the communication issue is resolved.  I'd need a second source to be able to relax after what you've gone through.

[Chris in VA]

I am relieved to hear you don't feel it is discriminatory; one of mine is nb, too, and it can be heartbreaking when that is the case. I wish you and Lyr the best going forward, and will say it does seem promising that the cascading effects of incompetence have stopped. 

Edited September 3, 2021 by Chris in VA
Autocorrect error

[Terabith]

57 minutes ago, Moonhawk said:

The admin asst is in damage control mode. She is trying to placate you so you don’t take it up the chain of command (by apologizing), saying it’s really your own fault so you won’t blame her (PTA comment), and probably trying to do what she can to fix it so it doesn’t look as bad to her superiors (“appear to be trying to fix it” comment). This is all CYA tactics, I highly doubt anything will actually come out of it that will help you and your kid, it will only be by accident if you do get help. If you haven’t directly spoken with the principal yet, you need to, they might not even know what’s really happened and any excuse or explanation given by the assistant cannot be trusted to be the whole truth. If she’s willing to blame you to your face when she knows you go to PTA meetings, what is she willing to insinuate to others to make it look like just a little mistake in her part and a huge oversight on yours? 

I immediately emailed both the academic director and the administrative director.  Lyr's advisor is the academic director.  There's not exactly a principal.  Leadership is very diffuse in terms of responsibilities.  I am having a meeting with the academic director/ advisor next week.  

Honestly, the only parent I know socially at all is the administrative assistant, who screwed up.  Last year, I was friends with several other families, but all of their kids graduated.  I can try to find parent friends, but I'm not sure how successful I'll be.  

Screw ups happen.  I mostly want to make sure that we are now in the loop, so it doesn't continue.  I'll feel better when I actually get an email from the school list.  And I want them to know that it's a screw up on the SCHOOL AS A WHOLE that nobody noticed our absence from all of these chains of communication.  I can see how it happened, and I am generally very forgiving and understanding.  I just don't want it to happen again to ANY kid.  

Edited September 3, 2021 by Terabith