s/o Eating and Enjoyment

[SKL]

I've been wondering - am I alone in really not liking food?

I've heard it said that there are people who "live to eat" and people who "eat to live."  I am definitely in the latter category. 

I actually get really annoyed when I have to think or talk about food, or stop what I'm doing to eat.  When it's my turn to pick the restaurant, I just hate it.  Eating is close to the bottom of my list of things I enjoy, even below toilet cleaning.  I'm not even kidding.  I mean sure, there are a few kinds of comfort food that I can enjoy if I'm hungry enough, but mostly it's just annoying.  I mostly stay alive by keeping cashews or "healthy" chips near my work station.

I don't have any health problems or terrible childhood experiences to blame this on.  I can taste and smell and swallow and digest just fine.

One of my kids is similar.  She gets angry if someone mentions food to her.  (PS, we are not biologically related, so I don't think it's genetic.)  My other kid has a normal appreciation for food, eats a lot of it, and loves to cook.

(Obviously I feed my kids and all that, but only because I have to.)

Any others out there?  Or is this a really strange trait?

[Kassia]

I am a "live to eat" person and can't even imagine being an "eat to live" type.  I'd like to say I envy you since I've had a lifetime struggle with food, but I don't know what it's like to walk in your shoes.  I don't think I've ever known anyone who is as extreme as you described yourself, but I do know people who don't think about food all that much.  I think about food 24/7.  

[catz]

I have a kid who is definitely like that and he is 20 now.  He is super lean.  He was in an apartment this fall for college and with covid restrictions and his lack of cooking desire/skills I was seriously concerned.  He figured it out ok and was got adept at door dash. Honestly, I didn't care what it cost to keep that kid eating this fall.  During a normal year, we would have had him eating a bunch of campus food service.  But non dorm residents could not eat at those places this fall.  I'm going to see if I can expand his skills over the holidays a little.  Can't relate lol.  

[Arcadia]

During very busy times of my life, I eat to live because gastric attacks are horrifying. The pain is terrible and there is the fear of gastric juices burning a hole in my stomach.

When I am free to cook leisurely or to eat out, then I am definitely live to eat. To have time to “waste” on savoring food is so relaxing.

My husband eats to live. He doesn’t get the “fuss” of picking food and would just eat whatever we cook or buy. Since I am not a good cook, it makes cooking for him easy. My teens on the other hand live to eat so they cook.

Edited November 18, 2020 by Arcadia
Typo

[Momto6inIN]

I have 1 friend who says if she could take a pill for the rest of her life and never eat again she'd be thrilled. I can't wrap my brain around that. Like, at all. But I know my friend is awesome and not overly weird and so you're not the only one 😁

[Selkie]

28 minutes ago, FuzzyCatz said:

I have a kid who is definitely like that and he is 20 now.  He is super lean.  He was in an apartment this fall for college and with covid restrictions and his lack of cooking desire/skills I was seriously concerned.  He figured it out ok and was got adept at door dash. Honestly, I didn't care what it cost to keep that kid eating this fall.  During a normal year, we would have had him eating a bunch of campus food service.  But non dorm residents could not eat at those places this fall.  I'm going to see if I can expand his skills over the holidays a little.  Can't relate lol.  

Funny, I have a 20 y.o. ds who is like that and is also very lean. He will never pick a restaurant because he says all food is the same to him. I am totally mindboggled at that! The rest of us all love to eat.

[Guest]

When I was younger, I was very unmotivated to eat and did not find eating particularly enjoyable, nor did I really like anything. I have wondered before if it was a type of eating disorder. It wasn't that I thought I needed to be a different size or anything like that. I just didn't find food delicious, disliked a lot of food categories/textures, and didn't enjoy eating. I would "forget" to eat. 

I am not like that now. I am not *extremely enthusiastic* about food, but I am a pretty good cook and a good baker, so I like making things that I enjoy eating. It is also very gratifying when other people enjoy my food, too. The biggest bummer about the pandemic is that I can't make food with my foodie-friend couple; we were meeting every month and cooking for each other and the spouses. I miss them and I miss enjoying food with them. I also like many foods now that I did not like when I was the size of a blade of grass and didn't eat. 

[Carol in Cal.]

2 minutes ago, Quill said:

When I was younger, I was very unmotivated to eat and did not find eating particularly enjoyable, nor did I really like anything. I have wondered before if it was a type of eating disorder. It wasn't that I thought I needed to be a different size or anything like that. I just didn't find food delicious, disliked a lot of food categories/textures, and didn't enjoy eating. I would "forget" to eat. 

 

I was like that, too, and I'm SO not like that anymore.  I think it was the Standard American Diet plus our parents frowned on snacks between meals, so I was not particularly hungry for the food that was available.  Once I started cooking food that I actually liked, that changed completely.

[Guest]

Just now, Carol in Cal. said:

I was like that, too, and I'm SO not like that anymore.  I think it was the Standard American Diet plus our parents frowned on snacks between meals, so I was not particularly hungry for the food that was available.  Once I started cooking food that I actually liked, that changed completely.

Precisely. 

I remember thinking I did not like beef. My mother cooked it so dry and burnt! But I didn't realize *that* was the problem. I still remember, I was in my twenties, when I made a roast beef, making it the way Emeril Lagasse demonstrated on a TV show. I *thought* I was just making it for my dh. It was really good, though. And I was like, "Oh! So this is why people like beef!" 

[Tanaqui]

Well, nothing will be equally enjoyed by all people. The fact that you put "eating" on par with "toilet cleaning" is definitely unusual, though - unless I misunderstand and you really like cleaning your toilet! (That'd be even weirder.)

I wonder if maybe you don't have a normal sense of taste and/or smell, or if maybe you have an unusual sensitivity to food textures. Most people assume they're normal, so just thinking that you're normal in those areas is not evidence of anything. But, you know - if you're mostly happy with the way things are, and you also are able to maintain an adequate diet, then I guess it doesn't matter what the root cause is, if any.

Edited November 18, 2020 by Tanaqui

[Emba]

10 minutes ago, Quill said:

Precisely. 

I remember thinking I did not like beef. My mother cooked it so dry and burnt! But I didn't realize *that* was the problem. I still remember, I was in my twenties, when I made a roast beef, making it the way Emeril Lagasse demonstrated on a TV show. I *thought* I was just making it for my dh. It was really good, though. And I was like, "Oh! So this is why people like beef!" 

I never understood the fuss about steak until I was an adult, because my mom cooked mostly cheap thin steaks, and my dad only liked them very well done. Now I love steak, but medium rare.

[Spy Car]

Can't relate. I'm totally food oriended.

In her last year of life my mom came to live with our family. She had always been an eat-to-live type (which definitely motivated me to start cooking in childhood).

But it delighted her to no end that after eating my cooking for a while, that she became almost preoccupied with what she'd be enjoying for her next meal? And when! LOL.

For a little bird-like woman she could pack it away.

One of her favorite things to say near the end was "Can you belive that I've become a foodie?" She found that so funny!!!

I miss her.

Bill

 

 

 

[Tanaqui]

Talking about steak, my mother has many times over the years laughed about some family friends from her childhood. They took a summer vacation to Italy, and when they came back they complained about the food.

Because all they ate was steak.

No pasta, no seafood, just... steak.

Because you can't trust the food elsewhere, so if you're not sure, buy steak. And obviously they were right, because the steak was so awful!

My mother, to this day, laughs and laughs.  Steak is good in America because we have all this ranch land! But in Italy...? There's a reason nobody goes to Italy to eat their steak!

[Tanaqui]

Quote

For a little bird-like woman she could pack it away.

When we say that somebody "eats like a bird", don't we really mean that they eat twice their body weight every day?

I'm sorry she's gone, but I'm glad she was happy during that last year.

[Drama Llama]

4 minutes ago, Spy Car said:

Can't relate. I'm totally food oriended.

In her last year of life my mom came to live with our family. She had always been an eat-to-live type (which definitely motivated me to start cooking in childhood).

But it delighted her to no end that after eating my cooking for a while, that she became almost preoccupied with what she'd be enjoying for her next meal? And when! LOL.

For a little bird-like woman she could pack it away.

One of her favorite things to say near the end was "Can you belive that I've become a foodie?" She found that so funny!!!

I miss her.

Bill

 

 

 

I am so sorry, I'm glad you had that time to help her see the light though. 

[KungFuPanda]

I never pick the restaurant because I can eat anywhere and be happy. I’m not picky. I’m not snobby. I have no allergies or sensitivities or special diets. I let the folks with limitations choose.  I’m glad I enjoy food because it’s something we can still HAVE during Covid. 

[Scarlett]

My son is very likely to forget to eat.  And there isn't much he LOVES but he does love Sushi.  He will eat most anything but not much thrills him.

I love food, but I am also likely to forget to eat if I get busy with something.  And I don't love having to cook every single night.  It gets so old to me.  If I have time I enjoy cooking, but I don't really want to do it every night.  I would be happy with some cheese and crackers or an avocado.  

[J-rap]

45 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

I was like that, too, and I'm SO not like that anymore.  I think it was the Standard American Diet plus our parents frowned on snacks between meals, so I was not particularly hungry for the food that was available.  Once I started cooking food that I actually liked, that changed completely.

That goes for me too.  I never enjoyed eating growing up.  I mean, I'd get hungry, and I'd like some things more than others, but mostly I thought it was a bother and would rather take a pill as well.  My mother was a good cook, but that was in the 60's and 70's and I think food was just prepared so differently back then.  

I didn't enjoy cooking either, although I cooked all our meals once we had children.  Our meals were simple and healthy and very boring.  My dh was a great cook though, so our kids loved it when he cooked!

About 7 years ago, someone bought me a three-month subscription to a meal kit, and that absolutely changed my appetite.  I cooked foods that were amazing:  roasted vegetables (never had them before!), chicken with fresh lemon zest, lots of fresh herbs, mashed sweet potatoes.  Wow!  Now I truly love to eat, and I finally understand it when my adult children say they start thinking about dinner at breakfast.  🙂 

ETA:  Just remembering food from my childhood...  It would actually make me gag.  I think there was a little bit of over-sensitive gross-out to a lot of foods for me back then as well.  

Edited November 18, 2020 by J-rap

[marbel]

I have always liked to eat, too much. But I do know some people who would forget to eat, or not bother eating, if they didn't have to. I know some people whose list of foods they can eat with anything resembling enjoyment is very very short. I don't think it's common but then again I don't know that it's super rare either. 

My in-laws don't really enjoy food but I think for my MIL it is possibly some sort of disorder, because she really frowns on people enjoying food, most particularly if they are not thin. She makes nasty comments about overweight people enjoying food. When we visited them, I could barely stand to eat because I felt like she judged every bit of food I put in my mouth.  

SKL, I am NOT saying you are like my MIL! I just think she's the extreme end. 

 

Edited November 18, 2020 by marbel

[Spy Car]

1 hour ago, Tanaqui said:

When we say that somebody "eats like a bird", don't we really mean that they eat twice their body weight every day?

I'm sorry she's gone, but I'm glad she was happy during that last year.

It was a really beautiful year. I was blessed to have the opportunity to spend a lot of quality time with my mom. I wish I'd had more.

I had two influences on her. One was the food. Boy did she have a "turn around." LOL. I had to be at the top of my game.

The other was was that she discovered that she really enjoyed listening to Romantic-era classical music and opera. I'd set her up daily with things like the Berlin Philharmonic playing Bruckner and we watched most of the Met Opera broadcasts online together. There were a few of the operas like Carmen and Norma that she watched two more times on her own. She really got into it.

It was a fun year.

Bill

 

[fairfarmhand]

1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

My son is very likely to forget to eat.  And there isn't much he LOVES but he does love Sushi.  He will eat most anything but not much thrills him.

I love food, but I am also likely to forget to eat if I get busy with something.  And I don't love having to cook every single night.  It gets so old to me.  If I have time I enjoy cooking, but I don't really want to do it every night.  I would be happy with some cheese and crackers or an avocado.  

This is me exactly. I keep telling my dh that when the kids are gone I may just eat yogurt cups for dinner. 

[Selkie]

39 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

This is me exactly. I keep telling my dh that when the kids are gone I may just eat yogurt cups for dinner. 

Me too. It's going to be salads every night for dinner once the kids are out.🙂

[Garga]

I’m in between, I guess. I have food sensitivities. A number of textures will make me feel gaggy. There are many more foods I don’t like, than do like. In most restaurants, I find only 2 or 3 things on the entire menu that I think might taste good. 

Food does not mean love to me, so I don’t get all excited about cooking food or sharing it with other people.  The friends I have who love to cook, cook as an act of love. They invite us to dinner and my dh likes to go there early and help cook, and I’m always saying, “How about we just make a pot of pasta and pop open some cans of Prego and call it a night?” But they never like that and will instead spend 2 hours of our time together...cooking.  And I find that soooo boring. I just bide my time until the cooking part is over and we can begin actually visiting with each other. I like it best when they agree to just order takeout. Cooking is such a bore. (Though, I have to say, they are excellent cooks and they are careful to accommodate me and make me things they know I can eat. They really do love me through their cooking!! And I love them back for it. 🙂  )

But I’m in the middle of the live-to-eat, eat-to-live spectrum, because there are a few tried and true things that I do love to eat.  When I know I’m going to eat certain dinners, I will think about it during the day and look forward to dinner.  And I have a serious sweet tooth. I will think about candy bars a lot throughout the day and it’s a struggle not to overindulge in sweets.

I do get hungry so I don’t forget to eat, but wish I had more options of what to eat. Most of the time food is boring and I’m only half liking what I eat. 

[bensonduck]

I probably shouldn’t comment on this thread. But I’m going to dive in anyway. Warning: eating disorder talk ahead. 

At the height of my eating disorder, all I could think about was food. I’d plan out exactly what I was going to eat at what time for the following day. I’d follow food Instagrams. Recipe blogs. Eating disorder websites where people posted photos of their meals. 
 

When I think back on all that time I wasted obsessing over food, it makes me kind of sad. Now on the other side of the recovery process, I kind of see food as more like a tool. Like, I want to be healthy with strong bones to run around with my grandchildren someday, so I’m going to make sure to eat enough today and every day to accomplish that goal. It’s very utilitarian for me. There are foods I like more than others, but I don’t really care whether my protein at dinner is chicken, fish, tofu, whatever. 

[SKL]

I don't remember having a problem with food in general when I was a kid / young adult.  I liked most of our meals well enough, but eating was just something we did at a certain time every day ... not something to really look forward to.

I guess if I think about it, things have gotten worse since my kids started being picky eaters.  They don't like any of the food I would consider comfort food.  Like, my favorite dish is spaghetti and meat sauce, cooked the way I ate it growing up.  My kids don't like spaghetti.  They won't eat foods with tomatoes, onions, or peppers in them, so my other childhood favorites such as macaroni & beef, Spanish rice, and chili are out.  And I'm not about to cook for just myself to eat.  Even picking a restaurant is affected by the knowledge that Miss Pickypants won't find anything acceptable on the menu.

So ... today was somewhat typical.  I didn't plan a meal, but asked the kids what they wanted me to pick up on the way home.  I bought them what they ordered.  We shared a salad, and then I ate my kids' leftovers after they were done.

[mathnerd]

 

3 hours ago, SKL said:

I guess if I think about it, things have gotten worse since my kids started being picky eaters. 

This would definitely put anyone off cooking and enjoying a meal at home, even if they love food. That could be part of your problem - that and eating snacks all day, perhaps, if you have that habit.

I consider myself a gourmet cook but I live with people who have serious food intolerances (which make them picky). I have devised elaborate work arounds so that I can cook all the dishes that I want to and we all can still eat the same food at the same time. That takes technique, mental energy and motivation which is hard to muster when you don't have the time or know that the food that you slogged to prepare will eventually be turned down.

I guess that once your kids move out, you could go back to eating spaghetti and Spanish rice 🙂

 

 

Edited November 19, 2020 by mathnerd

[BeachGal]

One of my friends is not at all into food. She doesn't think it's worth spending any more money than necessary on food when she can instead spend it on clothes or jewelry. She's definitely more into fashion than food. I am just the opposite although I do like nice clothing, too. Just not as much as food. 😄

[wintermom]

I've always enjoyed food, and ate most things offered to me by my parents. Eating at other people's houses was tougher, as I didn't always like what they had but I wasn't forced to eat what I didn't want. My grandparents made cookies and sweet and/or savory things I loved. My mom did as well. Overall, eating at home was a pleasant experience growing up. 

I don't think eating was pleasant for my sister. She ate peanut butter and bread. That's about it. She also had braces on her teeth from age 8 - 12 or so, which must have been really uncomfortable. She must have enjoyed food in some way, though, as she decided to go to culinary school for post-secondary ed. She's a wonderful pastry chef and cook. 

[SKL]

12 hours ago, wintermom said:

I don't think eating was pleasant for my sister. She ate peanut butter and bread. That's about it. She also had braces on her teeth from age 8 - 12 or so, which must have been really uncomfortable. She must have enjoyed food in some way, though, as she decided to go to culinary school for post-secondary ed. She's a wonderful pastry chef and cook. 

That's so interesting.  My kid who loves cooking does enjoy certain foods, but she doesn't only cook what she likes.  Like last week, she made the most amazing banana bread.  She asked me how I liked it, and then I asked her what she thought of it.  She said, "I'm not eating any, I don't like banana bread."  Now personally I don't even feel motivated to cook what I do like, so I'm impressed with people who voluntarily cook what they don't like, just to please others / develop their art.  🙂

[Jentrovert]

I truly enjoy a relatively small number of foods. A few others are just comfort foods. They make me feel better, but I probably don't truly *enjoy* the taste of them.

If I don't have preferred foods available, and I get busy, I often don't eat. I get hungry, it's just not worth it to fix something that I don't actually enjoy.

Now that I'm providing food for other people, it's not often that I don't eat, because it's always there and I have to fix it anyway. I get so tired of figuring out food; I'd love it if we could all just pop a pill and move on. 

I used to enjoy cooking. Dh is very picky and doesn't really like food, though, and I don't find it very enjoyable to spend time cooking for someone who is likely to take two bites and quit. So over the years I pretty well lost any enjoyment of it. One of my kids is very like that, but then the other is a real pleasure to cook for - so appreciative and has obvious pure enjoyment of the food. So that makes cooking feel a bit more enjoyable for me now. I'd still rather have a pill for a couple meals a day, though. 

[rebcoola]

Even though I am picky and hate to cook I definitely do live to eat.  My middle daughter is the opposite we have to remind her to eat and if you didn't set food in front of her she just won't think about it. She enjoys things once she is eating them.  

[Kassia]

36 minutes ago, rebcoola said:

Even though I am picky and hate to cook I definitely do live to eat.  

This is me, too.  I am picky and hate cooking, but I sure do love eating.

[Lady Florida.]

I don't live to eat but I love good food. I love to cook, I love to feed people. I love to eat. 

[Sneezyone]

It depends? I *love* GOOD food. I cook GOOD food. I consider my son agnostic on food (he’s on the spectrum tho) but my daughter is a lover. Both are slim and trim. I am a good cook so it’s not the food, it’s just preference. That’s ok. I always note it when my agnostic child mentions a certain dish tho. Most recently it was black garlic chicken...a riff on chicken piccata. Both of my peeps enjoy food but they may appear indifferent depending on what is served.

Edited November 19, 2020 by Sneezyone

[Chris in VA]

21 hours ago, Spy Car said:

It was a really beautiful year. I was blessed to have the opportunity to spend a lot of quality time with my mom. I wish I'd had more.

I had two influences on her. One was the food. Boy did she have a "turn around." LOL. I had to be at the top of my game.

The other was was that she discovered that she really enjoyed listening to Romantic-era classical music and opera. I'd set her up daily with things like the Berlin Philharmonic playing Bruckner and we watched most of the Met Opera broadcasts online together. There were a few of the operas like Carmen and Norma that she watched two more times on her own. She really got into it.

It was a fun year.

Bill

 

Norma is my Dad's favorite opera. I never hear anyone ever mention it when talking about opera. 

I'm sorry for your loss, and glad for you to have had both proximity and time w your mom.  

[fairfarmhand]

1 minute ago, Dreamergal said:

I grew up in a culture where each state had it's own food culture and we have festivals galore for multiple religions with separate sweets, snacks for each. I also grew up in a home with grandparents and a grandmother who prepared food in a way even my mother does not. 

 I also grew up in a home where food was not just eaten, but I was surrounded with smells and textures of ingredients like chilis and coriander seeds drying in the sun, rice and lentils soaked for batter, dough kneaded for flatbreads, the smell of coffee beans roasted, ghee made from butter, pickles seasonally made, buying fish by looking at the eye to see how fresh, touching vegetables picked fresh with dirt still on them from a vendor. Food was ingredients first, a tactile and sensory experience long before I knew how to cook. 

My idea of home is very much the smells of my family kitchen which I tried my hardest to re-create when I was alone in the US. Food is memory, culture, celebration and so much more than just fuel to me.

I also believe in something called food as medicine very much taught by my grandmother. So I cook a lot and a specific way.

I love eating, I love sharing food, I love to cook. I also love comfort foods a lot which is carb heavy and dessert heavy so that makes me work out a lot.

All this definitely makes me definitely live to eat.

 

I love this! And I've tried to make my home like this, although we're not quite as varied as I am sure you are... but I want my kids to associate home with the smell of fresh bread baking, spices, herbs, and veggies.

[SKL]

We have Indian food often here.  Unfortunately my picky kid claims to hate the smell.  (She used to be a fan, then one day did a 180.)  Sigh.

My kids also hate the food that comes from their birth culture.  I like it, but they hate it.

Off to go pick up kid2 and stop at Subway, chosen by Kid1, much to the disgust of Kid2.  Ugh their independence (as far as food anyway) can't come soon enough.

[wintermom]

18 hours ago, SKL said:

We have Indian food often here.  Unfortunately my picky kid claims to hate the smell.  (She used to be a fan, then one day did a 180.)  Sigh.

My kids also hate the food that comes from their birth culture.  I like it, but they hate it.

Off to go pick up kid2 and stop at Subway, chosen by Kid1, much to the disgust of Kid2.  Ugh their independence (as far as food anyway) can't come soon enough.

I used to hate the smell of sweet potatoes and bananas growing up. I'm ok with both now. Some of my dc complain about the smell of Indian spices. They love the smells when the onions and garlic are frying, and as soon as the spices go in it 'game over' for most of my family. I can't blame them, the smells are strong and very different than "normal."  

[HS Mom in NC]

When I was a kid and especially as a teen I would forget to eat and drink.  It wasn't an eating disorder or a dislike of food-I've always enjoyed food of all kinds.  I think there was something chemically or hormonally unusual with me that interfered with the sensation of hunger and thirst.  I would get dehydrated (hospitalized a couple of times) and still not feel thirsty.  And sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night overwhelmingly thirsty and think back and realize I hadn't had anything to drink for a day or more. I also would get UTIs and almost never feel pain or discomfort that most people do.  It was never medically pursued, probably because it was so normalized to me that I didn't realize there was a problem. Maybe it was some sort of brain signal issue too? That all changed in my early 20s when I was pregnant and hasn't been be a problem since, so I lean toward an explanation related to hormones.

[GracieJane]

I’m like this! I am not a great cook and I don’t care for big meals, so I generally feed the kids and then have grapes or chips for lunch. I’m actually always looking for nutritious grab-and-go foods, so I might try cashews! And now I’m curious about these so-called healthy chips... 🙂