doing less as we get older?

[HollyDay]

Bear with me as I try to flesh this out a bit.  I find I'm doing less of many things than I used to. 

For example, I used to grind my own wheat and make loaves of bread weekly.  I'd also make sticky buns, rolls, etc.  Now I suppose the reason could be argued that I no longer do that because we are gluten free.  But, I have the tools and supplies to make excellent gluten free bread.....yet I don't . 

I used to make ice cream often, sometimes daily in the summer.  I'd also make various popsickles. 

I used to bake cookies or muffins quite often. 

I used to meal plan and design several meals a week that included protein, carb, veggie, and dessert.  Now, I more or less "wing it."  We still eat good and healthy food, but it is more protein and a side.

I used to make 2 "major" quilts a year (think bed size quilts) plus smaller things like gifts, pillows, table runners, placemats, throws.  I'd also knit or crochet or cross stitch.  Now, I have started cross stitch again after not doing it for years  but the projects are smaller and take longer.  I couldn't tell you the last time I did a yarn project.  I started beaded Christmas ornaments last summer with dd and we finished 2 of the 4.  The remaining are still sitting on the side table. 

So...where is this going?  I have talked with women who have said things like "I've done my time, I don't do  (fill in the blank) anymore," "cooking is a bother,"  etc.  I swore I wouldn't be like that.  I always loved cooking and baking such.  Those things were hobbies as well as ways to bless my friends and family.  So why have all those things changed?  Dc are obviously older and much more independent.  Homeschool is over so I have much more free time than I used to.  I used to do all the above things while educating dc, carpooling to sports, doing co-ops, going to ballet, field trips, etc. 

So, is this a product of aging?  Changing family dynamics?  General life in 2019 as opposed to life in 1999? Anyone have any thoughts to share??

[Pawz4me]

I think it's sort of a product of aging and changing family dynamics mixed with other factors. As we age we just get tired of doing some things. Worn out, burnt out. And I look back over the years and can see I've given up some hobbies because I got tired of them, or replaced them with other things I found to be more enjoyable or interesting or that fit my current life stage better. And I don't see that cycle changing. It's hard to predict now what I might find tedious or still enjoyable and interesting in another few years, or what new and different things might interest me.

[SKL]

Well I always thought I'd like to bake, but at my age, baking would just make me fat.  So would ice cream and popsicle making.  😛  So even if I had the time and energy, I probably wouldn't choose to do that.  I'd rather do yoga and walking.

I could see quilting getting more difficult as our vision changes.  I find reading and any close work to be much more of an effort these days.

I could also see scaling back on certain long-term aspirations based on the logic that even if we worked on this every available minute, we probably wouldn't make a significant impact.

Which leads me to another thought. I started noticing my personal passions decreasing from "I'm gonna change the world" to "I want to change my lifestyle" to "yeah I'm still interested in that as an occasional activity" over the years.  I assume part of it is physical ageing / hormones or whatever makes the young brain passionate about things.  Part of it is probably fatalism ... like, if there was any chance when I was 20 that I could be accepted by our local orchestra after enough practice, that possibility waned to zero at some point while my life was too busy for practice.

Another possibility is that time on the internet is robbing me of both time and passion for interesting projects.  Maybe I should do a screen detox as an experiment?

On the positive side, I am really OK with the change.  I won't change the world and I'm OK with that.  (Though there are still things I want to do in my own life.)

[Laura Corin]

I have become more selfish now that the boys have left home.  I think about what I really want to do.  Some of the time that means doing special things that I don't really care about but that make Husband happy.  Other times, it's minimising chore time so that I can read a book or go for a hike.

[Zebra]

I see the same sort of thing with myself.

I think it's a combo of a lot of factors, but one thing that jumps out at me is all those things you listed are things you can do at home while you are a homeschooler/full-time mom.   They are hobbies and activities and interests that pair well with that lifestyle.   I also think there is something about conquering an activity - like grinding wheat and then making bread - that you do and you enjoy, but then you just get sick of it.    Not all activities are going to be life-long things.

I'm getting to the end of my homeschooling days, and I am finding myself drawn to do more "self-centered" things.   Like, I used to make bread from scratch for the family and now I want to redecorate the house.   We've always had a crappy looking house, and I have never cared about any of that stuff.   Because I didn't have the mental energy or the time and it never seemed important before.

Also, I do get more tired as I get older and sometimes feel like if you can just get out of bed and do what needs to be done that is enough.

 

[SKL]

10 minutes ago, Zebra said:

...

I'm getting to the end of my homeschooling days, and I am finding myself drawn to do more "self-centered" things.   Like, I used to make bread from scratch for the family and now I want to redecorate the house.   We've always had a crappy looking house, and I have never cared about any of that stuff.   Because I didn't have the mental energy or the time and it never seemed important before.

Also, I do get more tired as I get older and sometimes feel like if you can just get out of bed and do what needs to be done that is enough.

Yeah, I just mentioned to my housemates last week that our house interior has no "character."  We are three very different people with different tastes, and our interior decorating is mostly just a hodgepodge of stuff acquired randomly over the years.  Most of our windows don't have coverings, our walls are all cream, our furniture and paintings are mostly uncoordinated, and there really isn't any "personality" in most of the common rooms.  We didn't care because we were so busy doing big things outside of the house - and then the kids' stuff took up space for some years - but now I kind of care.  People should walk into our house and get a feel for who we are.  And thinking more on it, I get that from older people's homes much more than younger people's homes in general.  (The exception being 30/40-ish people without kids, LOL.  They always seem to have art at toddler level in every room.  :P)

Edited July 11, 2019 by SKL

[Zebra]

2 minutes ago, SKL said:

Yeah, I just mentioned to my housemates last week that our house interior has no "character."  We are three very different people with different tastes, and our interior decorating is mostly just a hodgepodge of stuff acquired randomly over the years.  Most of our windows don't have coverings, our walls are all cream, our furniture and paintings are mostly uncoordinated, and there really isn't any "personality" in most of the common rooms.  We didn't care because we were so busy doing big things outside of the house, but now I kind of care.  People should walk into our house and get a feel for who we are.  And thinking more on it, I get that from older people's homes much more than younger people's homes in general.  (The exception being 30/40-ish people without kids, LOL.  They always seem to have art at toddler level in every room.  :P)

It's funny because it seems like suddenly, one day, you're like, "Hey, I never noticed how crappy my house looks before!"

🤣

[J-rap]

I don't think I do less, I just do different.  I don't cook like I used to because kids aren't home anymore.  Why make a dozen muffins if my dh and I barely even eat them?  Also, with kids in the home, I think your activities naturally align with your kids.  So, maybe as a younger mom of busy teens you're doing crafts or are a 4H leader or are working on set props for a theater production, but now you're doing things that align with your own particular interests more.   I do find myself sitting more than I used to than when my kids were at home, and to be honest, I don't like that part.  I'm still working at finding what to keep busy with.  And it's definitely true that I'm suddenly seeing how dumpy my house is!!  

[Jentrovert]

I definitely feel very "been there, done that" about a LOT of activities I used to do, with absolutely no desire to repeat them. Unfortunately, most of the new-to-me activities that interest me are not feasible now because of time, money, caring for little people, or physical restrictions. And we also don't have any space for hobby supplies, so I'm reluctant to experiment with anything that could result in purchasing "stuff". I'm hobby-less at the moment and have been for about the last 6 years (since kids arrived). 🤷‍♀️ 

[regentrude]

All things have a season. I find it perfectly normal for interests to shift over time. Think of all the things you were doing before you had kids - are you still pursuing all those?

I have chose to do less of some things now that the kids are grown and am instead spending a lot of time and energy on other things. I am not doing "less", I am doing different things. And with just the two of us at home now, I definitely bake and cook less than when we had hungry teens and their friends. 

Edited July 11, 2019 by regentrude

[cintinative]

OP, do you find that the time you used to have to do those things is now allocated to other things?

Because as a fellow GF mom, I can tell you there are lots of things I would love to try to make/bake and I just don't have the time margin most of the time. If I want to make gluten-free ravioli, I usually carve out five or six hours and make a huge batch for the freezer.  It is not often that I have that kind of open time without interruption. 

For me it is not so much that I have less interest in doing those things as less time and possibly sometimes less energy. As I get older, I find I do fatigue more easily. I used to be able to go and go all day, and now that is much harder on my body. It's not that I don't exercise--I do, every day. It's just exercise + three grocery stores + five loads of laundry + make dinner might get me to a state where I really need to sit for awhile, where 10 years ago I could go do some shopping in the afternoon after all of that.  

[Jean in Newcastle]

I found myself doing less and less because of chronic illness and pain.  Then I made a conscious decision to "do hard things".  So I am getting out of my comfort zone and am doing things anyway.  I am entered for my first 5k next month.  The things I do have changed over time though.  It doesn't benefit me to cook or bake as much for just two people (since my kids often make their own food) but I am finding more interesting Paleo or Keto or Whole30 recipes to try, which honestly would have been a harder sell for younger children.  I am working specifically on keeping mobility for my older years.  This might not be on the radar for most middle-aged women my age but after two different people came to take my arm and help me when I stood up, I realized that I needed to really focus on this.  So for me, I am actually increasing my stamina and ability to do things because I am working hard to do so. 

Edited July 11, 2019 by Jean in Newcastle

[BlsdMama]

2 hours ago, HollyDay said:

Bear with me as I try to flesh this out a bit.  I find I'm doing less of many things than I used to. 

For example, I used to grind my own wheat and make loaves of bread weekly.  I'd also make sticky buns, rolls, etc.  Now I suppose the reason could be argued that I no longer do that because we are gluten free.  But, I have the tools and supplies to make excellent gluten free bread.....yet I don't . 

I used to make ice cream often, sometimes daily in the summer.  I'd also make various popsickles. 

I used to bake cookies or muffins quite often. 

I used to meal plan and design several meals a week that included protein, carb, veggie, and dessert.  Now, I more or less "wing it."  We still eat good and healthy food, but it is more protein and a side.

I used to make 2 "major" quilts a year (think bed size quilts) plus smaller things like gifts, pillows, table runners, placemats, throws.  I'd also knit or crochet or cross stitch.  Now, I have started cross stitch again after not doing it for years  but the projects are smaller and take longer.  I couldn't tell you the last time I did a yarn project.  I started beaded Christmas ornaments last summer with dd and we finished 2 of the 4.  The remaining are still sitting on the side table. 

So...where is this going?  I have talked with women who have said things like "I've done my time, I don't do  (fill in the blank) anymore," "cooking is a bother,"  etc.  I swore I wouldn't be like that.  I always loved cooking and baking such.  Those things were hobbies as well as ways to bless my friends and family.  So why have all those things changed?  Dc are obviously older and much more independent.  Homeschool is over so I have much more free time than I used to.  I used to do all the above things while educating dc, carpooling to sports, doing co-ops, going to ballet, field trips, etc. 

So, is this a product of aging?  Changing family dynamics?  General life in 2019 as opposed to life in 1999? Anyone have any thoughts to share??

1,000 things.

We do different things than we used to.
We came to an understanding that Dave makes killer bread and we don't need to?
We had more to prove?
We felt the need to pour ourselves more into doing than being?
We did have more energy.
Part of the reason we did it was to nurture the children and give them those experiences but they're not at home, so why?

So many reasons.

Also, there is the realization that baking results, inevitably, in something generally not healthy (bread/baked goods) and I'm more health conscious now.

[May]

I still try to make cookies and make meals to friends and neighbors but I find myself doing that less now. I would also spend time with the kids next door, cooking, taking them to movies, having them over on their days off from school but since DH is now retired, I haven’t done that. They are also getting older so maybe I’m not as much fun😕 Chronic pain is also now a part of my life🙁so that does impact what I do on a daily basis. 

[Ann.without.an.e]

I am right here too.  I used to make every single thing from scratch.  I also ground my own wheat berries and made that amazing bread.  We also transitioned to gluten free years go and that nixed that.  At first it was because there weren't so many good options to bake gluten free yourself and now it is just busy/habit?  We really don't eat that much bread at all (gluten free or not). And also, without a doubt, many of the things that @BlsdMama said.  I totally agree with her thoughts there.  I also care more about my diet.  Healthy then meant avoiding the artificial ingredients but now I want more fresh veggies, etc. as well.  DS and I made vietmanese summer rolls and oolong milk tea for lunch.  We still made something, just not bread haha.

Edited July 11, 2019 by Attolia

[fairfarmhand]

Yeah, me too.

 

I think when I was younger I was trying to prove myself. And I really don't care any more to define myself as the "cooking everything from scratch" mom or the "sews her own clothes" mom or the "invents homeschooling" mom. I just am a lot more comfortable in who I am so, I am not as driven to do those things. And I look back and see "does any of that really matter beyond whether I enjoyed it and it served my family for that time"

I'm also tireder.

Don't need to bake as much because we don't need to eat the sweets and breads as much.

Outdoor stuff is harder because the temperature extremes are harder on me now that I am aging. 

[Momto6inIN]

Speaking more to myself than the OP or anyone else, but I'm on my phone a lot more than I used to be, and even when I'm not on it my attention is more scattered and I don't stick with one thing for as long a period of time as I used to. I agree with everything everybody else has said so far too, so I'm not saying that our phones are the only culprit, but I think our screen time eats up lot more leisure time than we believe it does.

[mathnerd]

As I get older I do very little of some things that I used to do before - home decorating, landscaping etc. Now, I do a lot more of other things - like decluttering (as opposed to decorating), walking for several miles a week, growing vegetables instead of flowers, reading more, learning a new professional skill etc. Though I am tired and my body is not what it used to be and I have had some long term health issues, I think that I am doing a lot of other things which I previously would not.

[Carol in Cal.]

Part of it for me is just that it’s not such an accomplishment anymore.

The first time I made bread I was so proud of myself.  My mom always said that it was so HARD, and she never did it.  It felt BIG to me.

After a while, not so much.  And I got weevils in my 25 lb of white flour in the alpha seal 5 gallon bucket so it wasn’t such a savings.  And I just wasn’t around to punch it as much as before.  So it faded away.  I actually think that’s fine. 

[fairfarmhand]

My dad would say its because as you get older you have to spend more time taking pills and going to the doctor. And it takes longer to get up from the couch. 

[HollyDay]

22 hours ago, fairfarmhand said:

Yeah, me too.

 

I think when I was younger I was trying to prove myself. And I really don't care any more to define myself as the "cooking everything from scratch" mom or the "sews her own clothes" mom or the "invents homeschooling" mom. I just am a lot more comfortable in who I am so, I am not as driven to do those things. And I look back and see "does any of that really matter beyond whether I enjoyed it and it served my family for that time"

I'm also tireder.

Don't need to bake as much because we don't need to eat the sweets and breads as much.

Outdoor stuff is harder because the temperature extremes are harder on me now that I am aging. 

Very well said.  And I think you hit a major point.  When I was younger, I had an image in my head of what a stay-at-home-homeschool-mom would be.  At first I pictured myself sitting in a rocking chair in a perfectly clean and gracious room, with precious dc sitting on a beautiful quilt that I had made, munching on my homemade bread topped with honey from my bees, and jam from my garden, listening with great enjoyment and attention as I read and taught them with candles I'd personally dipped giving off a gentle light.  I'd imagine them saying something like, "Read another mother dear, teach us more, it is so fun!" 

Well...........some of that did come true.  I did try to make learning captivating.  I wanted to spark curiosity and imagination in my dc.  But, much of it was just a homeschool fantasy.  Especially the perfectly clean room/house 🙂  But, yes, I wanted to prove my home making skills...to myself mostly.

And yes, I am much tireder... Chronic pain and now arthritis is starting to kick my energy levels. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I was thinking about this.  Another reason why I personally don't do everything from scratch now is because I have more money than when my family was first starting out. 

[HollyDay]

21 hours ago, mathnerd said:

As I get older I do very little of some things that I used to do before - home decorating, landscaping etc. Now, I do a lot more of other things - like decluttering (as opposed to decorating), walking for several miles a week, growing vegetables instead of flowers, reading more, learning a new professional skill etc. Though I am tired and my body is not what it used to be and I have had some long term health issues, I think that I am doing a lot of other things which I previously would not.

Yes about the decluttering.  With oldest moved out now, and youngest about to go to college, I am cleaning out.  Oldest put quite a bit in memory boxes (Michaels had a great sale not long ago on photo and memory boxes) and cleaned out her closet quite a bit.  She donated a leaf and lawn size bag.  Youngest also has the memory boxes going and so far she has donated 2 leaf and lawn size bags.  Much of that is just growing up.  They have outgrown clothes or styles.  What they liked at 14 might still fit but look silly as a young professional just starting out.  I've got lots of books going out too.  Old homeschool resource books that are outdated, etc.  Just time to move on

[fairfarmhand]

31 minutes ago, HollyDay said:

Very well said.  And I think you hit a major point.  When I was younger, I had an image in my head of what a stay-at-home-homeschool-mom would be.  At first I pictured myself sitting in a rocking chair in a perfectly clean and gracious room, with precious dc sitting on a beautiful quilt that I had made, munching on my homemade bread topped with honey from my bees, and jam from my garden, listening with great enjoyment and attention as I read and taught them with candles I'd personally dipped giving off a gentle light.  I'd imagine them saying something like, "Read another mother dear, teach us more, it is so fun!" 

Well...........some of that did come true.  I did try to make learning captivating.  I wanted to spark curiosity and imagination in my dc.  But, much of it was just a homeschool fantasy.  Especially the perfectly clean room/house 🙂  But, yes, I wanted to prove my home making skills...to myself mostly.

And yes, I am much tireder... Chronic pain and now arthritis is starting to kick my energy levels. 

My past self is slightly embarrassing to contemplate. Does make me more patient with the antics of younger moms.

[Carol in Cal.]

PS. My pastor gets absolutely furious about women who say ‘I’ve done my time’.  (Interestingly I don’t think he minds when people stop being so active—just hates that saying.). So go ahead and think it but don’t say it—it seems peculiarly upsetting to some.

[Jean in Newcastle]

37 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

PS. My pastor gets absolutely furious about women who say ‘I’ve done my time’.  (Interestingly I don’t think he minds when people stop being so active—just hates that saying.). So go ahead and think it but don’t say it—it seems peculiarly upsetting to some.

If that means checking out of life, then I agree with him.  I want to continue to grow as I age.  I want to be the 80 year old who goes bungee- jumping.  (Or at least something new and interesting to me.)  But growing also means that I don't want to be like my 20-year-old self or my 30-year-old or 40-year-old self.  Of course my core values and even some of my core interests haven't changed but I am in a different stage of life.  If my 22 and 17 year old found me sitting them down to read them board books or even an older read-aloud, they would be justified in rebelling! 

[Carol in Cal.]

1 minute ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

If that means checking out of life, then I agree with him.  I want to continue to grow as I age.  I want to be the 80 year old who goes bungee- jumping.  (Or at least something new and interesting to me.)  But growing also means that I don't want to be like my 20-year-old self or my 30-year-old or 40-year-old self.  Of course my core values and even some of my core interests haven't changed but I am in a different stage of life.  If my 22 and 17 year old found me sitting them down to read them board books or even an older read-aloud, they would be justified in rebelling! 

No, it means not being willing to start teaching Sunday School again.

[Jean in Newcastle]

1 minute ago, Carol in Cal. said:

No, it means not being willing to start teaching Sunday School again.

Lots of groups that rely on volunteers might agree with him.  But I would much rather take willing volunteers than ones guilted into doing it. 

[Annie G]

While raising kids, I did a ton of cooking and household chores and stuff, but honestly I was overworked.  I see that in my oldest Dd now as she is in the trenches raising four kids. They were all just at our house and for three days Dd and I did.not.stop.  it was exhausting. But now they’re gone and I’m not overdoing it. I’m doing some sewing, some reading, planning some household renovations, doing some landscaping. But at a much less intense pace than I kept while raising kids.

So yeah, I’m not doing AS much as I used to, but that’s ok with me.  I’m active enough that when grands come, I can still easily play hide and seek and do things with them. That’s my goal- be available for the grands but not trying to keep up the pace of a 35 year old. 

[Garga]

On 7/11/2019 at 3:00 PM, Momto6inIN said:

Speaking more to myself than the OP or anyone else, but I'm on my phone a lot more than I used to be, and even when I'm not on it my attention is more scattered and I don't stick with one thing for as long a period of time as I used to. I agree with everything everybody else has said so far too, so I'm not saying that our phones are the only culprit, but I think our screen time eats up lot more leisure time than we believe it does.

Being honest with myself, the above is a big part of it.  I lie to myself a lot and pretend I’m not online as much as I am (or watching Netflix), but I’m actually online too much and watch too much Netflix.  In the past if I wanted to watch a show, I had to sit in the living room and watch it on the tv set with everyone else, so we all had to agree on the show, or I could only watch when no one else was around (and someone is always around—so maybe only late at night.)

Now I squirrel myself away in a corner somewhere with my ipad and the subtitles on and watch Netflix without having any limits placed on me, other than feeling guilty for watching So Much tv.  

Other reasons:

When my kids were little, I felt that part of educating them was exposing them to many things: field trips, activities, playdates.  Now that they’re older and rather introverted, I don’t need to do those things anymore.  They don’t want them.  So, we hunker down at home much more than we used to.  I never really wanted to go on all those trips and all those hikes, etc, but I did it as part of my job of raising kids.  That part of the job is over because the kids don’t need that anymore.

Also, I’ve realized that I just am not interested in light group conversation.  I don’t want to sit around in a group with a bunch of people saying a few things one at a time, like in a bible study, or at a gathering with women on a group play date.  I’ve discovered that I value one-on-one time much more so we can delve deeply into a topic and get to know each other better, instead of a group of people all skimming over the topic..  So I turn down as many group activities as I can get away with and still be friendly, and then will contact each friend one at a time for a one-on-one lunch.  So, no more bible studies and Sunday school classes and cook outs, etc.  I used to love doing things in groups and having fun, witty conversations with people jumping in and adding their comments.  But...as I’ve gotten older I realize that what I had was superficial and now I get a bit impatient with that sort of thing.  I prefer a deeper connection with people now.  So...group things are over for me now, mostly.

 

 

 

Edited July 13, 2019 by Garga

[sassenach]

On 7/11/2019 at 8:33 AM, Zebra said:

It's funny because it seems like suddenly, one day, you're like, "Hey, I never noticed how crappy my house looks before!"

🤣

Or my wardrobe! I care more now about clothes than I ever have. Sometimes I don't recognize myself.

[sassenach]

11 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

I was thinking about this.  Another reason why I personally don't do everything from scratch now is because I have more money than when my family was first starting out. 

And now that I'm not homeschooling, I would rather get a side job, make a little money, and pay someone else to do the stuff I don't want to.

OP, you listed out a lot that you don't do anymore, can you make a list of what you do do?

For me, I spend a lot more time out of the house. I'm driving kids, working out (this is a huge time suck, but I'm so glad that I'm finally doing it), and meeting with people. I think there's a difference between doing different things with our time and doing less. 

[BlsdMama]

23 hours ago, Carol in Cal. said:

PS. My pastor gets absolutely furious about women who say ‘I’ve done my time’.  (Interestingly I don’t think he minds when people stop being so active—just hates that saying.). So go ahead and think it but don’t say it—it seems peculiarly upsetting to some.

But it's unfair for him to get upset.  Everything is a season.  Now, for some of us, it's a very long season.  I used to spend 2+ hours a day reading aloud.  I still have littles and still spend a chunk doing that, but it would be right for someone to say, "Hey, I spent time doing that and it was worthwhile and good, but btdt and no more."  Just as applicable if someone said - Hey, I did 6+ loads laundry a day or 2 hours scrubbing floors, etc., and decided to hire a housekeeper because she has other truly good and worthwhile pursuits to pour herself into.   It's GOOD and worthwhile to serve others, in whatever capacity you are so endeavored and convicted, but we have this idea, especially in homeschooling communities and Christian communities that housework = godliness and lack of housework = lack of godliness and it tends to lead to women truly struggling to develop a Mary personhood over their Martha idealism.  I'm a little resentful if anyone EVER corrected me for saying, "I did my time," when I know I most certainly did and I do not lack in godliness for my lack of willingness to slave over a hot stove vs. kabobs on the grill, lol.  😉 😄 

[DawnM]

Well, I have stopped doing a whole mess of things.  Sewing, reading for pleasure, entertaining, cooking from scratch as much, etc......but I literally have far less time.  I have gone back to work full time.  

And honestly, a lot of it has lost interest for me.  Kids don't want to be in the kitchen as much as they used to, they are busy with work and school and friends.  It is just very different.

[Ann.without.an.e]

On 7/11/2019 at 3:00 PM, Momto6inIN said:

Speaking more to myself than the OP or anyone else, but I'm on my phone a lot more than I used to be, and even when I'm not on it my attention is more scattered and I don't stick with one thing for as long a period of time as I used to. I agree with everything everybody else has said so far too, so I'm not saying that our phones are the only culprit, but I think our screen time eats up lot more leisure time than we believe it does.

 

I am curious, is this because you have older kids?  My older kids text me a lot 🤣  Especially my girls. 

[73349]

On 7/12/2019 at 1:47 PM, Carol in Cal. said:

PS. My pastor gets absolutely furious about women who say ‘I’ve done my time’.  (Interestingly I don’t think he minds when people stop being so active—just hates that saying.). So go ahead and think it but don’t say it—it seems peculiarly upsetting to some.

He gets paid for doing his, though, doesn't he?

I do what I need to do when I need to do it. I've never been a really high-energy person; everything takes determination + interest. I don't feel compelled to make everything a lifelong pursuit. (E.g., my life for 4 years as an English major revolved around highly regarded novels. The last fiction book I read was "The Pigeon Has to Go to School." So what? Mo Willems > John Updike.)

I think it's completely fine to set aside quilt-making once your beds are covered to your satisfaction or you have other priorities, stop making bread when you don't eat bread so much or have other priorities, etc.

[Jentrovert]

On 7/12/2019 at 1:28 PM, Jean in Newcastle said:

 But growing also means that I don't want to be like my 20-year-old self or my 30-year-old or 40-year-old self.  

Hmmm. This hit me. I wonder if my "been there, done that, don't wanna do it again" is more about not wanting to be say, my 30 year old self than about being tired of the activity I did in my 30's. Or maybe equal parts. I haven't considered that.

[Momto6inIN]

1 hour ago, Attolia said:

 

I am curious, is this because you have older kids?  My older kids text me a lot 🤣  Especially my girls. 

I wish! My oldest 2 are boys so it goes in spurts but often all I get is a POL (proof of life) every once in a while. 

To be totally honest it's mostly facebook and the boards 😉

[PrincessMommy]

On 7/11/2019 at 11:18 AM, SKL said:

Well I always thought I'd like to bake, but at my age, baking would just make me fat.  So would ice cream and popsicle making.  😛  So even if I had the time and energy, I probably wouldn't choose to do that.  I'd rather do yoga and walking.

I could see quilting getting more difficult as our vision changes.  I find reading and any close work to be much more of an effort these days.

I could also see scaling back on certain long-term aspirations based on the logic that even if we worked on this every available minute, we probably wouldn't make a significant impact.

Which leads me to another thought. I started noticing my personal passions decreasing from "I'm gonna change the world" to "I want to change my lifestyle" to "yeah I'm still interested in that as an occasional activity" over the years.  I assume part of it is physical ageing / hormones or whatever makes the young brain passionate about things.  Part of it is probably fatalism ... like, if there was any chance when I was 20 that I could be accepted by our local orchestra after enough practice, that possibility waned to zero at some point while my life was too busy for practice.

Another possibility is that time on the internet is robbing me of both time and passion for interesting projects.  Maybe I should do a screen detox as an experiment?

On the positive side, I am really OK with the change.  I won't change the world and I'm OK with that.  (Though there are still things I want to do in my own life.)

I've been thinking about this topic for some time now and have come to the conclusion that the internet robs me of passion to do anything else.  I don't understand it... and I'm sure it isn't the only factor (age definitely being another).  But, for me, the interest is a huge time waster.

 

[G5052]

I've always been one that doesn't spend a lot of time on meals even though I mostly cook from scratch. For birthdays and holidays, I do more though. We did a "Christmas in July" turkey meal for July 4th that was fun. The reality is that home cooking is cheaper and more healthy, so I continue to do that. 

I used to bake bread and rolls, but now that two of us are gluten-free, I rarely do that. I haven't figured out gluten free bread well enough.

I still have a quilting project going most of the time. I enjoy it.

My college kids do their own laundry and most of the cleaning and yard work.

I work, pay bills, plan menus, and buy the groceries.

Works for us. Realistically I realize that one or both will fly the coop in the next five years, so I have that in mind.

[klmama]

8 hours ago, PrincessMommy said:

I've been thinking about this topic for some time now and have come to the conclusion that the internet robs me of passion to do anything else.  I don't understand it... and I'm sure it isn't the only factor (age definitely being another).  But, for me, the interest is a huge time waster.

 

Yes. This.  The internet zaps my initiative.  

[Pawz4me]

I don't think the Internet zaps my initiative or necessarily takes my attention away from other things, or at least not often in a bad way. But does it take a lot of time I could be spending on baking or crafts or whatever? Yes, sure. But I don't necessarily see baking or crafting or any other thing as automatically being better than doing something on the Internet. For the past couple of days I've been online doing hours of research. But it was research about something that will be very beneficial to know, about an active and mentally stimulating hobby. I also don't think of time spent here or on other message boards as wasted. I'm an introvert, and sometimes just spending time here does a lot to fill up my social need bucket. And according to current research on loneliness keeping that bucket full is probably a good thing. I know online interactions probably aren't as good as real life ones, but they seem to work pretty well in preventing loneliness for my introverted self. 

Edited July 14, 2019 by Pawz4me

[moonflower]

On 7/12/2019 at 1:30 PM, Carol in Cal. said:

No, it means not being willing to start teaching Sunday School again.

 

Well, then tbh I think he needs to get over himself.  Teaching Sunday School is an act of service, and people often feel like they owe a community or an organization or the world a certain amount of service, and that everyone more or less should contribute equally (at least as far as they can do so), and that after they've contributed their own portion it is someone else's turn.

[Carol in Cal.]

22 hours ago, PrincessMommy said:

I've been thinking about this topic for some time now and have come to the conclusion that the internet robs me of passion to do anything else.  I don't understand it... and I'm sure it isn't the only factor (age definitely being another).  But, for me, the interest is a huge time waster.

 

I think that there is a passivity to internet use, even when it feels a bit active, shovelling endorphin bursts at us like handwritten letters used to, that feeds discontent with more mundane or longer lead time pursuits sometimes.