Have your kids completely turned away from something they used to think was so important?

[DawnM]

I am struggling and I KNOW this is MY issue.

For 10-11 years my boys were into scouts.  They did weekly meetings, at least 2 weekend camping trips or volunteer activities per month, and it pretty much consumed our lives.

Now, we are going through the house getting rid of stuff and they were ready to just toss their scout shirts and badges!  Middle son's response?  "What do I need that for? I have the piece of paper that proves I have Eagle Scout."

Sigh.....

Thankfully I snagged it back out of the toss pile and am putting it with their old T-shirts they want to toss.  I will be making quilts in the future.  They can keep them or I will.....if they don't care about their memories, I will care!

And they want to get rid of ALL the camping equipment.  11 years of heavy camping that I thought they loved, and now they want no part in it.  No hiking, no camping, no roughing it, they are DONE.  ALL of them!  What in the WORLD?

Is this a boy thing more than a girl thing?  

[Liz CA]

I don't think it's a gender thing. It's a new phase of life.  However, compared to their Moms, boys probably don't have that emotional bond with items or the representative memory attached to those items. I, myself, look at some things that were important to me 10-15 years ago and shrug my shoulders today.

Edited December 28, 2018 by Liz CA

[maize]

Not nostalgic.

Not attached to stuff.

None of the scouts in my family kept shirts or badges.

Take a photo and save that 🙂

the camping, I dunno. They may come back to it eventually. It's OK for it to be one phase of life though.

[Arctic Bunny]

It seems very sensible! Why keep it if they’re not going to use it? Certainly if you’re paying to put it into storage!

[DawnM]

Just now, maize said:

Not nostalgic.

Not attached to stuff.

None of the scouts in my family kept shirts or badges.

Take a photo and save that 🙂

the camping, I dunno. They may come back to it eventually. It's OK for it to be one phase of life though.

 

I am saving it all, if not for them, for me.  Camping stuff has been culled quite a bit, but we are still keeping some.  

[Garga]

When did they stop scouts? Has it been a few months?  A few years?

Kids don’t always understand the future. They don’t always understand that sometimes you want a little piece of the past to remember—like the quilt.  Then again, there are a lot of people who are minimalists nowadays who would say to keep just the paper and be done with it.  So, it could be that they’re too young to realize what they were about to toss, or they’re minimalists at heart.

I’d keep the camping stuff.  They might want to go camping again, but just aren’t in the mood right now.  It would cost a lot to replace everything.  I’d keep it until they’re financially independent.  You don’t want to get rid of it just to have them want to camp again and then expect you to replace tents and bags and cookware.  Once they’re financially independent, get rid of it and if they want to camp again, they can fund it themselves.

Edited December 28, 2018 by Garga

[DawnM]

Just now, arctic_bunny said:

It seems very sensible! Why keep it if they’re not going to use it? Certainly if you’re paying to put it into storage!

 

a shirt and a sash with badges do not take up much room.  The camping stuff we are getting rid of a lot, but not all.

 

[Arctic Bunny]

Just now, DawnM said:

 

a shirt and a sash with badges do not take up much room.  The camping stuff we are getting rid of a lot, but not all.

 

I did mean the camping stuff.... my DH would say “sell it, sell it all, or throw it away!” Going though our garage is a lot of fun...

[Garga]

1 minute ago, DawnM said:

 

a shirt and a sash with badges do not take up much room.  The camping stuff we are getting rid of a lot, but not all.

 

 

I keep a “sentimental” box in the attic.  There are a few baby outfits and some karate clothes in there.  I agree that there are some things that are nice to keep, especially if you know how to quit and can turn it into one.  

[DawnM]

Just now, Garga said:

When did they stop scouts? Has it been a few months?  A few years?

Kids don’t always understand the future. They don’t always understand that sometimes you want a little piece of the past to remember—like the quilt.  Then again, there are a lot of people who are minimalists nowadays who would say to keep just the paper and be done with it.  So, it could be that they’re too young to realize what they were about to toss, or they’re minimalists at heart.

If it’s only been a few months or less than a year, I’d keep the camping stuff.  They might want to go camping again, but just aren’t in the mood right now.  It would cost a lot to replace everything.  I’d keep it until they’re financially independent.  You don’t want to get rid of it just to have them want to camp again and then expect you to replace tents and bags and cookware.  Once they’re financially independent, get rid of it and if they want to camp again, they can fund it themselves.

 

Oldest is 21 (almost) and then 20, and 14.  So, older two were 18 and 17 when they quit/aged out/Eagled out.  Youngest quit last year.

Middle is at a college where many do go backpacking/camping every weekend, it is up in the mountains, perfect hiking/camping area.  So, I am keeping some stuff.  He may do it someday.

[DawnM]

Just now, arctic_bunny said:

I did mean the camping stuff.... my DH would say “sell it, sell it all, or throw it away!” Going though our garage is a lot of fun...

 

I see.....well, I have already decided what to keep.....and will not throw it out.  oldest went to Philmont.  That stuff was expensive!  And nice.

[Garga]

And I get being sentimental.  I have the opposite problem from you.  My ds16 is very sentimental, so much so that he wishes he weren’t.  There’s a strong pang of sadness that goes with sentiment and he doesn’t enjoy that sensation at all.  It’s hard for him to part with things without feeling sad and nostalgic about it.  He’s not a hoarder, but it’s just very difficult for him to move on to a new phase without mourning the loss of the old phase.

[Farrar]

If you have the storage room, I think it's pretty short sighted to get rid of something that you might use again (even if you might not) and that would cost a lot to replace.

I also think keeping some key mementos (not piles of stuff, but a few small items) of something as a parent is a nice thing to do. If they want to chuck it when they move you into the home, they can have at it.

My kids have changed their interests, yes. It's hard to watch sometimes. We're in our 10th year of Destination Imagination. Mushroom says he doesn't want to do it next year. I'm dying. Like, no. No! But obviously, I cannot force him. I guess we'll see.

[Tanaqui]

The shirts aren't the memories. They have their memories in their heads 🙂

But I'd keep the camping stuff for at least a few years "just in case", because it seems like a hassle to replace it all.

[gardenmom5]

it's a maturity phase thing.   and not gender related.   as their parent, we have more sentiment attached to 'things' from their developmental stages than do they. 

 

unless camping equipment is shot - I'd hold onto it.

[J-rap]

Yes.  My kids have changed quite a bit as they've matured into young adults.  It's a little jarring!

(ETA:  I don't necessarily mean in a bad way at all -- just surprising!)

Edited December 28, 2018 by J-rap

[Scarlett]

I am glad to know it isn’t just my son.  He once wanted to keep everything...now nothing.  I insisted he keep some old stuffed animals and his legos.  It is hard.  I don’t want him keeping crap,just to keep it... but it is hard!,,

[KungFuPanda]

2 hours ago, DawnM said:

I am struggling and I KNOW this is MY issue.

For 10-11 years my boys were into scouts.  They did weekly meetings, at least 2 weekend camping trips or volunteer activities per month, and it pretty much consumed our lives.

Now, we are going through the house getting rid of stuff and they were ready to just toss their scout shirts and badges!  Middle son's response?  "What do I need that for? I have the piece of paper that proves I have Eagle Scout."

Sigh.....

Thankfully I snagged it back out of the toss pile and am putting it with their old T-shirts they want to toss.  I will be making quilts in the future.  They can keep them or I will.....if they don't care about their memories, I will care!

And they want to get rid of ALL the camping equipment.  11 years of heavy camping that I thought they loved, and now they want no part in it.  No hiking, no camping, no roughing it, they are DONE.  ALL of them!  What in the WORLD?

Is this a boy thing more than a girl thing?  

 

My daughter never wants to camp again because I “made her camp too much” when she was in Girl Scouts. If it means something to YOU, then keep the stuff, but not everyone pins their memories to things. I also think kids like to reinvent themselves. For them, the scout thing lasted for-ev-er . . . their WHOLE lives. For us it zipped by in a flash. 

[Ausmumof3]

Mine is quittting tae Kwon do after several years of mad running around over it.  

I think it’s fine to keep the stuff but keep it for you because you are sentimental about the amount of time you invested.  I wouldn’t expect them to be super excited about a quilt being presented to them.

[MEmama]

DS played hockey for 10 years, but when he had had enough...that was it. Hockey was huge for him for all that time, but he hasn't even been on skates since the day he decided not to play any longer.

It took DH a few years to realize DS really, truly had lost all interest in the sport, but I think finally he's come around. I was glad to see DS reach his natural conclusion with it and move on, and to be honest I was glad to get rid of all the gear. I think it's neat that hockey was such an important part of his life for so many years, but I don't miss it one bit. 

In the OP's situation I would hold on to camping gear because that does tend to come into use from time to time and it's expensive to replace. We've had gear for well over 20 years that will always be useable; it does take up space but I wouldn't want to repurchase it. Take photos of the other stuff (if you don't already have enough!) and let it go. Let the kids move on completely. 

[regentrude]

I think it's very normal as young people grow up. My DD rode horses for 7 years, we leased a horse, had all the stuff - when she started college, she stopped riding and is getting rid of her gear. DS was heavily into martial arts; we have a house full of training equipment; he now has focused completely on judo, and all the striking gear etc sits unused in boxes. I abandoned several childhood pursuits when I became an adult.

If they're not sentimental, they don't want to hang on to childhood paraphernalia. 

I would keep the camping gear, because that is useful and can be used again later if stored properly. But if they don't want to keep badges and shirts, believe them and throw the stuff out.

Edited December 28, 2018 by regentrude

[marbel]

I'd love for my kids to let go of more of their old stuff.  Small items that are easy to store, like merit badges, sure, we keep those. The t-shirts I get rid of or keep as packing material, for example, wrapping fragile Christmas ornaments or china items we don't use a lot of.  Other useless sentimental stuff like trophies - I say take a photo and get rid of it. 

Useful things, like camping gear, yes, we keep. Sometimes it annoys me to have it taking up space and knowing there are people who could use it now. But I know if we loan it out we won't get it back, and it may be needed at some point. 

But my husband and one of my kids are weighed down by stuff they can't let go of.  I am trying to retrain them not to feel obligated to keep everything. My husband got that trait from his mother and it drives me crazy. 

 

[Miss Tick]

3 hours ago, StellaM said:

 

(The one thing that annoys me is that being a good mom to soccer mad ds has left me with an abiding interest in the Premier League, and now, no-one to talk to about it).

 

😃 Same for dh! 

[Catwoman]

Wow, I’m surprised at how many people here — both kids and moms — aren’t sentimental about things that once meant a lot to them. I’m also surprised that people think boys are naturally less sentimental, because I haven’t found that to be the case at all. My ds and I are both sentimental, and I have to tell you that taking a picture of a once beloved item and then tossing the actual item would never work for us. We would be sad to see it go and we would regret having gotten rid of it.

Obviously, we don’t save every last little thing, but we do save the things that were important to us. 

Dawn, I understand why you want to save the things you mentioned, and I also think that, when they get older, your boys may wish they still had them, particularly if they have sons of their own.

[DawnM]

10 hours ago, Margaret in CO said:

Don't dump the camping stuff! Several of my kids found it very handy when basically homeless in college. Two of mine ended up living in their cars or doing extended camping as they couldn't find places to live between semesters. Alternatively, pick a younger Scout to gift it to. My ds's good camping stuff was hand-me-downs from his uncle when he got out of Scouts and camping. My brother asked ds if he could use another tent, and ended up sending the tent, nice backpack, mess kit, etc. It was way nicer stuff than ds had! He passed on his not-as-nice stuff to his little sister. 

 

Oh goodness.  I would rather them come home than live in their cars, or get a long term hotel room/suite type place. 

[Catwoman]

6 minutes ago, DawnM said:

 

Oh goodness.  I would rather them come home than live in their cars, or get a long term hotel room/suite type place. 

 

Same here. I would be homeless before I would let my son go without a place to live.

[DawnM]

7 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

Same here. I would be homeless before I would let my son go without a place to live.

 

A guy came and talked to the scouts about hiking the Appalachian Trail for 6 months.  My oldest said he might like to try it for a few weeks......but that was then......right after he got back from hiking 100 miles at Philmont.  That is OVER!  HAHA!  

[skimomma]

Dd was heavily involved in an intense sport for 7 years.  She quit somewhat abruptly but we did support her decision.  Just days later, she boxed up all of her gear.  And her medals, ribbons, and trophies that had been displayed on a wall in her room.   She just wanted to get rid of it all.  I am not super sentimental and lean to the side of minimalist when it comes to keeping stuff, but even I was a little taken aback that she thought she would never want to look at them again.  I ended up boxing up her prizes, her team warm-up jacket, and a few photos figuring she might want to look at them someday.  She never asked.  Nor has she done that activity in any form since the day she walked away.   She is a very private person, but I suspected her uncharacteristic lack of sentiment was rooted in something negative about the activity that I was not aware of.  Sure enough, years later, I learned that she was dealing with a significant issue with bullying and looking at that stuff reminded her of that.  I asked her if she would have stayed in the sport longer had that not happened and she reports she would not have.  She was done with it anyway.  But that she may have wanted to keep her ribbons on the wall for a bit longer.  Luckily she is involved in another intense sport with wonderful teammates and reports that she DOES want to keep her mementoes from that sport if/when she moves on.

[Lady Florida.]

Ds had been doing martial arts since he was six. He loved it. Or so I thought. At 13 he was finally a black belt candidate and decided he was done. Almost a black belt and he was done! It seemed like a sudden decision to me but he had apparently been thinking about it for a while and didn't know how to tell us. I was constantly having to tell him to get ready for class, pushing him to get out the door, and finally said if I have to keep doing this he might as well quit. That's when he came clean. It was always up to him. It was his decision to start and his decision to quit. We did spend some time talking about it to make sure it was what he really wanted. He has never looked back and though he enjoyed his time in martial arts he doesn't regret quitting, even when he was so close to black belt.

[katilac]

3 hours ago, marbel said:

The t-shirts I get rid of or keep as packing material, for example, wrapping fragile Christmas ornaments or china items we don't use a lot of. 

 

Very clever!

1 hour ago, Catwoman said:

Same here. I would be homeless before I would let my son go without a place to live.

 

I'm sure she didn't refuse to let them come home, lol. It was either their choice or it was impractical to come home for whatever reason. In between semesters can mean just a few weeks. I don't think it's some kind of tragedy for a person to sleep in a tent or even their car for a few weeks, or even over the summer if they can do so safely. I don't get the objection to them living in a tent over break at all - some people spend longer than that living in tents on purpose! They may have been able to get an extended living place but decided it didn't make sense to spend that kind of money for a hard roof instead of a canvas roof. I think that kind of problem solving and enduring inconvenience can lead to a strong sense of confidence and belief in their ability to survive setbacks. 

Getting back to the OP, I think it's not a bit unusual. Certainly you should keep whatever you wish, but don't be bothered that they don't care about it. They may be glad in years to come that you saved stuff, they may never care, so do as you want. 

We helped the inlaws downsize over Thanksgiving, and I will say that my college kids loved seeing their dad's tiny hockey jacket with the patches! And other fun things. It did spark some fun conversations, and they found out that granddad had been hockey coach for years, which gained him some brownie points 😋

[73349]

I would take their word for it. They're done, they don't need the stuff, and they're probably looking at being in smaller housing for an extended time, maybe permanently. Unwanted stuff weighs on people. Surely you have pictures of them wearing the uniforms?

Some people really never do want to go camping as adults. I'd give it to somebody who will use it.

[DawnM]

8 minutes ago, whitehawk said:

I would take their word for it. They're done, they don't need the stuff, and they're probably looking at being in smaller housing for an extended time, maybe permanently. Unwanted stuff weighs on people. Surely you have pictures of them wearing the uniforms?

Some people really never do want to go camping as adults. I'd give it to somebody who will use it.

 

As Cat mentioned, just pictures doesn't do it justice.  I am not asking them to take the stuff with them.  I have never asked that.  But we are moving, and I asked them to go through their stuff as I know some clothing doesn't fit them anymore, etc.....I just didn't expect them to toss stuff like their merit badges.

 

[Loowit]

My DH did scouts from Wolf (no Tigers when he started) through Eagle.  He did care about holding onto his stuff, but he did box it up and put it in his closet, and his mom hung onto it for years and years.  DH didn't really care too much about the stuff, but he had good memories of scouts, it was just not something that was part of his life anymore.  He kept all his camping gear in his parent's garage, probably because he never thought to get rid of it.

Years later when our boys started scouting MIL dug out all his old stuff and gave it to the boys.  They loved seeing all of DH's old things from when he was in scouting, and DH enjoyed looking through some of it too.  I have an adorable picture of oldest DS trying on DH's old boy scout uniform when he was a cub.  I am keep all of our boys things now, but I don't know if they will ever care later or not.  Right now oldest DS is working on his Eagle, so I plan to make some sort of display of his scout stuff for his court of honor.  Youngest wants to quit once he hits first class, but he may change his mind.

[Catwoman]

50 minutes ago, katilac said:

I'm sure she didn't refuse to let them come home, lol. It was either their choice or it was impractical to come home for whatever reason. In between semesters can mean just a few weeks. I don't think it's some kind of tragedy for a person to sleep in a tent or even their car for a few weeks, or even over the summer if they can do so safely. I don't get the objection to them living in a tent over break at all - some people spend longer than that living in tents on purpose! They may have been able to get an extended living place but decided it didn't make sense to spend that kind of money for a hard roof instead of a canvas roof. I think that kind of problem solving and enduring inconvenience can lead to a strong sense of confidence and belief in their ability to survive setbacks.

 

We will have to agree to disagree on this. In my family and in my dh’s family as well, it absolutely would be considered truly awful for a college kid to have to sleep in a tent or in their car because he or she had nowhere else to stay. If other people are okay with it, it’s none of my business, but it would not be considered “problem solving” in our family; in fact, it would be considered to be quite the opposite.

Seriously, you think it would be okay for a kid to live in his or her CAR? I find that absolutely shocking.

[DawnM]

3 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

 

We will have to agree to disagree on this. In my family and in my dh’s family as well, it absolutely would be considered truly awful for a college kid to have to sleep in a tent or in their car because he or she had nowhere else to stay. If other people are okay with it, it’s none of my business, but it would not be considered “problem solving” in our family; in fact, it would be considered to be quite the opposite.

Seriously, you think it would be okay for a kid to live in his or her CAR? I find that absolutely shocking.

 

I guess if you work at a national park?  Although my friend's son just started working at a national park and he and his partner bought a trailer to live in, and they hooked it up to electricity and water.

It wouldn't work for my kids either, but I guess if the kids want to do that????  

[unsinkable]

I think there is a difference between "hey, my kid lived in his car!" vs the elaborate explanation that was eventually given. Sleeping in a tent, deliberately and with forethought and planning, is also different that a toss away comment... "Hey, my kid slept in a tent when he didn't have a place to live."

The offhanded comments do evoke a kind of gut response from parents...of "we'd be on the streets together before that happened." So I am 100% with Catwoman on that! Amen, girl.

I remember that I had a thread years ago about sleeping in the car in rest stops in a 1000 mile trip. Mostly to save time bc the trip had to be made quickly and flying wasn't an option. Some People lost their sh!t, saying how dangerous it was. 

 

[klmama]

OP, all of my dc have quit major activities they had previously loved.  All indicated there was no need to keep any of the supplies, because they were completely done.  And then, several years later, they all picked up those activities again because they realized those activities brought them joy. They thanked me for not getting rid of the supplies, even though they had told me I should.  I'm not saying you should keep everything,  but keep in mind that they are still young and have lots of time yet to change their minds.  

[MEmama]

19 minutes ago, unsinkable said:

I think there is a difference between "hey, my kid lived in his car!" vs the elaborate explanation that was eventually given. Sleeping in a tent, deliberately and with forethought and planning, is also different that a toss away comment... "Hey, my kid slept in a tent when he didn't have a place to live."

The offhanded comments do evoke a kind of gut response from parents...of "we'd be on the streets together before that happened." So I am 100% with Catwoman on that! Amen, girl.

I remember that I had a thread years ago about sleeping in the car in rest stops in a 1000 mile trip. Mostly to save time bc the trip had to be made quickly and flying wasn't an option. Some People lost their sh!t, saying how dangerous it was. 

 

DH and I did that all the time on our many cross country road trips and moves. Rest areas and worse, ahem. BUT we had a very large, protective and toothy Black Lab with us; I don't think we would have done it without him (well, we didn't often without him, anyway). We were young and broke and probably kinda dumb. This is bringing back such good memories...

I guess we did our fair share of living out of our truck. I sure wouldn't think that was okay for my son though. 

[unsinkable]

10 minutes ago, MEmama said:

DH and I did that all the time on our many cross country road trips and moves. Rest areas and worse, ahem. BUT we had a very large, protective and toothy Black Lab with us; I don't think we would have done it without him (well, we didn't often without him, anyway). We were young and broke and probably kinda dumb. This is bringing back such good memories...

I guess we did our fair share of living out of our truck. I sure wouldn't think that was okay for my son though. 

I would nap in my car with my Black Lab at rest stops. He looked fearsome but the biggest injuries he could cause were from tail whapping, floor drooling, (slip and fall injuries) and head to jaw contact when I reached down to pick up his ball (his head, my jaw).

[DawnM]

36 minutes ago, StellaM said:

 

Part of me not being sentimental is that being renters, of fairly small houses, we move fairly regularly and don't always have a lot of storage....so an item has to be pretty special to be packed, carted, unpacked and a place found for it every couple of years. Ballet costumes, for example, take up a lot of space...and when the girls quit dance and no longer had an attachment to it, I just couldn't justify the effort and space keeping them would require.

For people who don't move, and who have big houses/lots of storage, I can understand being freer to focus on the sentimental value of items.

 

And I have moved between Africa and America several times and am still sentimental!

[DawnM]

Just now, StellaM said:

 

Part of that's just personality. It's fine to be sentimental. I don't think everyone should be like me, and chuck out all the things.

 

Right, but in your post you attributed a large part of that to moving a lot and small houses.  My comment was based on that.

[Jean in Newcastle]

8 minutes ago, DawnM said:

 

And I have moved between Africa and America several times and am still sentimental!

Another Third-culture-kid here.  I think that has made me more sentimental than I would be otherwise because the memories attached to things are so strong and provide an emotional base.  Of course a lot of it can be personality as well. 

[regentrude]

2 hours ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

If you keep it for you, just make sure you don't foist it onto your future DILs at some point later on when you decide to clean things out and/or downsize! That is a trick I've personally experienced and makes for lousy DIL/MIL relations. 

And don't leave it for the kids to declutter after your death either.

[HS Mom in NC]

Life is full of chapters.  It sounds like your sons are in a new chapter of their lives.  I've had 3 kids drop things they were really into after 7-10 years.  It's perfectly normal. 

I think memory quilts are great, I've made 4-ne for myself a I helped design and assemble them for others. Other options include putting a few items behind glass in a wall hanging or display case. That being said, you know that getting rid of the paraphernalia won't erase the experience from their minds, right?  Humanity used to be content to hold onto memories instead of stuff.  Nobody needs a monument/shrine to childhood activities.

Are you particularly into tradition or ritual for its own sake or are you someone who just struggles with turning the page on a new chapter?

I'm having breakfast with my 44 year old cousin tomorrow.  You know what I'd bet a mortgage payment I'll hear her mention?  That her mother asked her AGAIN if she wanted all the childhood stuff (20 large plastic bins) yet.  And AGAIN cousin will have said no, she doesn't want any of that stuff and that aunt should get rid of it or cousin will help aunt get rid of it at the next visit.  AGAIN aunt will have said she'll hold onto it in case cousin or one of her kids wants it in the future. This has been an annual conversation for them every time she goes back for the holidays since cousin was 20 years old. Aunt can't believe cousin does not and will not ever want it.

[DawnM]

5 minutes ago, regentrude said:

And don't leave it for the kids to declutter after your death either.

 

Oh please, how can I possibly know when that will happen.....you know we all will have stuff left after we die, right?  Sheesh.

[Jean in Newcastle]

2 minutes ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

Life is full of chapters.  It sounds like your sons are in a new chapter of their lives.  I've had 3 kids drop things they were really into after 7-10 years.  It's perfectly normal. 

I think memory quilts are great, I've made 4-ne for myself a I helped design and assemble them for others. Other options include putting a few items behind glass in a wall hanging or display case. That being said, you know that getting rid of the paraphernalia won't erase the experience from their minds, right?  Humanity used to be content to hold onto memories instead of stuff.  Nobody needs a monument/shrine to childhood activities.

Are you particularly into tradition or ritual for its own sake or are you someone who just struggles with turning the page on a new chapter?

I'm having breakfast with my 44 year old cousin tomorrow.  You know what I'd bet a mortgage payment I'll hear her mention?  That her mother asked her AGAIN if she wanted all the childhood stuff (20 large plastic bins) yet.  And AGAIN cousin will have said no, she doesn't want any of that stuff and that aunt should get rid of it or cousin will help aunt get rid of it at the next visit.  AGAIN aunt will have said she'll hold onto it in case cousin or one of her kids wants it in the future. This has been an annual conversation for them every time she goes back for the holidays since cousin was 20 years old. Aunt can't believe cousin does not and will not ever want it.

Which begs the question about why the cousin hasn't just agreed to take the bins and then gotten rid of the stuff on her own. . .

[unsinkable]

21 minutes ago, StellaM said:

 

Well, for me, moving every 3 years on average - so packing up the entire household and moving it myself - was very clarifying about which things have enough value to keep. As does the effort of trying to find storage. So, yes, I do attribute a large part of my own non-sentimentality to that.

There is a Springsteen song with these lyrics:

XXXXXXX

 

Grab your ticket and your suitcase
Thunder’s rollin’ down this track
Well, you don’t know where you’re goin’ now
But you know you won’t be back
Well, darlin’ if you’re weary
Lay your head upon my chest
We’ll take what we can carry
Yeah, and we’ll leave the rest

Big wheels roll through fields
Where sunlight streams
Meet me in a land of hope and dreams

Well, I will provide for you
And I’ll stand by your side
You’ll need a good companion now
For this part of the ride
Leave behind your sorrows
Let this day be the last
Tomorrow there’ll be sunshine
And all this darkness past

XXXXXXXX

I wish I could pack what I want in a suitcase, take what I can carry and leave the rest.

I have my Good Companion...But I'm still lugging around a lot of baggage...figurative and literal. I guess if I could let go of the figurative, the literal would be easier to deal with.

[regentrude]

Just now, DawnM said:

Oh please, how can I possibly know when that will happen.....you know we all will have stuff left after we die, right?  Sheesh.

Yes, we all will have stuff, but not saddling the kids with our stuff, and especially not things they said clearly they don't want, is a great last gift we can give them. I am writing this as I am dreading having to deal with my parents' house that is full of stuff. No, I don't know when I will die, but I am planning on Swedish deathcleaning while i'm still able.

[DawnM]

9 minutes ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

Life is full of chapters.  It sounds like your sons are in a new chapter of their lives.  I've had 3 kids drop things they were really into after 7-10 years.  It's perfectly normal. 

I think memory quilts are great, I've made 4-ne for myself a I helped design and assemble them for others. Other options include putting a few items behind glass in a wall hanging or display case. That being said, you know that getting rid of the paraphernalia won't erase the experience from their minds, right?  Humanity used to be content to hold onto memories instead of stuff.  Nobody needs a monument/shrine to childhood activities.

Are you particularly into tradition or ritual for its own sake or are you someone who just struggles with turning the page on a new chapter?

I'm having breakfast with my 44 year old cousin tomorrow.  You know what I'd bet a mortgage payment I'll hear her mention?  That her mother asked her AGAIN if she wanted all the childhood stuff (20 large plastic bins) yet.  And AGAIN cousin will have said no, she doesn't want any of that stuff and that aunt should get rid of it or cousin will help aunt get rid of it at the next visit.  AGAIN aunt will have said she'll hold onto it in case cousin or one of her kids wants it in the future. This has been an annual conversation for them every time she goes back for the holidays since cousin was 20 years old. Aunt can't believe cousin does not and will not ever want it.

 

No, I do not "struggle to turn the pages on a new chapter."  

20 bins?  I don't even have one per kid, so......

[DawnM]

2 minutes ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

Yes to the Swedish Death Cleanse! 🙂 

 

I cannot seem to get to regent rude's post, but keeping a couple of shirts is not "straddling them with stuff."

Somehow my post has turned into a "you must have bins and bins of crap you are straddling them with!  You evil woman, throw it ALL OUT!"

No, no, I don't, and no, no I won't.