do you love your dh

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

My husband is beyond classification with simple words like friend or love. My husband is my other half. It is both that simple and that complicated. To call him my best friend would be relegating him to a place he is above; that is why he is my husband-a title full of honor in and of itself.

[laughing lioness]

I have been waiting for a husband brag; thinking of starting a thread on it.

It is bitter-sweet for us.

 

We fight like h-ll and love like crazy; I am convinced that is how we have managed for 10 years with the passion that we still have today.

Yes, today I am madly in love with him, tommorow I may not like him very much....but.....I always know that soon enough, I will madly love him again. Ebbs and flows for sure.

 

emerald

Emerald, thank-you for putting into words what I was thinking! I can't imagine life without my dh! He is gentle, kind, brilliant, funny, and in love with me (despite my many many flaws). He is also a pain in the patooey:001_smile:.

[Sarah CB]

I absolutely love my dh. He is my best friend. I can't imagine being married to anyone else and I definitely appreciate him more than I did in our early marriage.

[HappyGrace]

Things were horrible but are good now, but I always feel it's an on the surface good, other shoe could drop at any moment kind of thing. I love him but I don't even know who he really is. I feel he loves me as much as he is capable of.

 

I'll leave it at that.

 

I desperately wish I would have had a "real" marriage like you're talking about, but I'm overall thankful for the one I have.

 

If you have a marriage like that, never take that blessing for granted.

[StaceyinLA]

I mean don't get me wrong - I love the man, but I don't have that sort of, "I couldn't go on without him," thing. I love him in a committed sort of way and I respect his loyalty and the care he takes of us, but he and I don't have enough in common to be best friends, or really even good friends.

 

I think he loves me more that way than I love him. I really do believe that I am his whole life, but I guess, because he is my second husband and I have 4 kids, that my kids will always take my first love. Maybe once they are grown and gone I'll have more of a "connection" with him on a friend level.

 

This probably sounds worse than I mean it to. I do love dh. He's a wonderful husband!

[CAMom]

I have grown to love my dh like that. Our marriage did not start out that way but it has matured into a love where we really do just want to "breathe each other's air".

 

It's not a young, lusty, idyllic love. It's a love that comes from being "one flesh" and understanding the bond that that creates.

 

I love my dh more and more as the years pass and never dreamed when I married him (at 20 years old) that I would ever love him the way I do now. And, I am so excited to continue to pass the years with him because I know that my love will continue to grow deeper with each passing year.

 

Just a couple of weeks ago, my 12yo dd said to me, "I love to watch you and dad together. He justs loves you so much! I hope I find someone who loves me like that."

[dragons in the flower bed]

When he has to travel for work it is like part of me is missing. He is the center of my little universe.

 

This is how I feel about my guy, too.

[Tess in the Burbs]

he is my best friend. he's the first person I want to share good/bad news with. he's the one i want to celebrate my joy and hug me in my sorrow. I do love my dh. and remember a time breathing his air was enough to sustain me, lol. we did everything together. now we each have our own time away from family, but we still enjoying hanging out together the most. He would say we are too much friends and not 'married' at times...but yes, I love my dh and can't imagine life without him.

[Kris]

tonight after church I was talking with our Youth Director's wife, they are moving out of state next month and we were talking about the stress of being in ministry and the stress on a Pastor's family. She said that she had the hardest time adjusting to being a minister's wife because of the time it took her husband from her. then she said that she just needed to "breathe his air". It made me want to cry. She said he was her best friend.

 

I was just wondering how many of you still love your dh like that? Or if you just love him and never want to be without him, maybe not the breathing air thing but can't imagine not being married to him.

I wish I knew how to make a poll but I don't have a clue.

 

Absolutely.

 

Have you seen the commercial where the two old people are strolling along in the park? There's a young couple that comes up behind them, walking faster, and passes them on the path? I don't even know what the commercial is for --

 

We're the old folks. Not nearly as cute as they are, though. :D

[mom2abcd]

Oh, yes, I love my husband very, very much! We've been married for 22 years and had many ups and downs, but we've always been *committed* to each other and making the marriage work.

 

He's my best friend. I also feel incomplete when we're apart for a length of time. We usually call every day when he's gone.

 

It's a beautiful gift from God to have a marriage like ours. I am so thankful for this true friend and soulmate.

[Michelle T]

deleted, decided I didn't want to dwell on negatives.

Edited November 14, 2008 by Michelle T

[Daisy]

Dh and I are best friends. We are comfortable together like a pair of favorite shoes. I like being with him. I like talking with him. I like watching him. Course sometimes he drives me nuts and I'm sure I drive him nuts on occasion. But yeh, we love each other and I cannot imagine my life without him. Makes me teary-eyed just to think about it.

[Tap]

I love dh dearly but we definitely have our ups and downs in the intensity. I suppose it is always there but sometimes is clouded by busy days and schedules.

 

When dh and I take time for dates and alone time, we are much more connected! We are so busy most of the time that there are days that we don't even see each other (and neither of us travel).

 

Dh has a few friends who have had marriages collapse in the past 5 years. Each husband told dh, to cherish what he has and to prioritize the marriage. Even the friend whose wife had an affair. I find this interesting because I would have thought that the bitterness and disinterest in marriage is what the divorced men would talk about. They each wish that they could go back in time and do it different. Every time he hears these stories I feel him pull me closer. I think a reality check is good for both of us.

[waxwing]

I know I don't have to explain much, because most of you already know my husband and that he's the best ever. ;) But I was thinking yesterday about when he had his gall bladder surgery last spring. I left him with the surgeon and anesthesiologist just as he was about to go under, and when I went back the waiting room, I had the strangest, strangest feeling. It was like...part of me was switched off. Because he was unconscious, it was like there was "radio silence" from his psyche, so the part of me that's permanently connected with him was unplugged.

 

I'm not normally the type of person to get all woo-woo and metaphysical, so it took me completely by surprise. Different traditions say that marriage is one soul in two bodies, or that the couple becomes one flesh, or that our soul mate is our other half. I never realized how much that was true for us, or how much I take it for granted, until it was temporarily out of commission.

 

We've been married for ten years, one month, and three days. He *is* my best friend, he makes me want to be a better person, and I can't imagine life without him any more than I can imagine living without my heart beating inside me.

 

-Anne

[Heather in Savannah]

Things were horrible but are good now, but I always feel it's an on the surface good, other shoe could drop at any moment kind of thing. I love him but I don't even know who he really is. I feel he loves me as much as he is capable of.

 

I'll leave it at that.

 

I desperately wish I would have had a "real" marriage like you're talking about, but I'm overall thankful for the one I have.

 

If you have a marriage like that, never take that blessing for granted.

My dh suffers the consequence of serious physical and mental abuse as a child(the severity of it was well hidden until we were married). He loves me as best he can, but because of his past, is not capable of deep sharing. Consequently on my part, our marriage is a matter of commitment. I keep wondering as has been stated, when the other shoe will drop. I too have to watch for the green eyed monster, when I hear other ladies posting about how their dh is their best friend.

[Dawn in OH]

Funny this should come up. I was thinking about it just the other day.

 

I love my husband very much. I couldn't live without him. But honestly, I don't like him very much.

 

Don't misunderstand. I think he's the smartest, sexiest man I have ever known and I'm glad I'm with him. But since the excitement and passion have worn off (after financial difficulties and having 3 children) I've realized that I just don't like him all that much.

 

I'd love to be excited and passionate about him again, but at the end of the day, I just really don't have any energy left for it. I would never want to be with anyone else, and can't sleep if he's not home and in bed next to me. But he's got some really annoying qualities and habits that I never would have overlooked if I had not been blinded by love.

 

So, I love him very much and I'm happy to have him. But I could like him more.

[Colleen]

What does it say about me that my first thought, in response to this post, was to start singing the lyrics to a '80s Howard Jones tune? I can just hear him crooning, "What is lo-o-o-o-o-o-ove, anyway? Does anybody love anybody anyway?" :D

 

But seriously...It stands to reason that most who answer a question like this, in a public place, are going to express their deep love for and commitment to their husbands. A few daring souls have touched upon some troubled aspects to their marriages. I don't think, skimming the replies, anyone's actually said she doesn't love her husband, and I doubt anyone would.

 

Going back (even farther back) in lyrics land, I will just say that, contrary to Captain and Tenille's thoughts on the matter, love ~ in the romantic, passionate, deep friendship sense of the word ~ is not what keeps us together.;)

[LisaNY]

I cannot imagine my life without my dh. My dh is my very best friend.

 

Yes! Same here! :001_smile:

[Jami]

What does it say about me that my first thought, in response to this post, was to start singing the lyrics to a '80s Howard Jones tune? I can just hear him crooning, "What is lo-o-o-o-o-o-ove, anyway? Does anybody love anybody anyway?" :D

 

But seriously...It stands to reason that most who answer a question like this, in a public place, are going to express their deep love for and commitment to their husbands. A few daring souls have touched upon some troubled aspects to their marriages. I don't think, skimming the replies, anyone's actually said she doesn't love her husband, and I doubt anyone would.

 

Going back (even farther back) in lyrics land, I will just say that, contrary to Captain and Tenille's thoughts on the matter, love ~ in the romantic, passionate, deep friendship sense of the word ~ is not what keeps us together.;)

 

 

I think asking, "what is love?" is a good place to start. Is it a passionate, emotional feeling? Does one have to feel like they'd be half a person if her husband were no longer there? Do I have to feel breathless in his presence on a regular basis?

 

I certainly do love my husband. And count him a friend, which is a nice bonus. But I'm not convinced from a Christian perspective that the primary reason for marrying and staying married is feeling "in love". It's about sanctification, mine and his. And the two of us, broken sinners though we may be, being used by God as a picture of the unity between Christ and his church. Love is about serving one another, commitment to vows, sometimes painful sacrifice for the sake of the other. But it's temporary, marriage that is. It's a good and necessary relationship for our journey through this world, for the raising of children, for the mutual help and edification of one another, etc. But I think it can be an idol, I know sometimes I make it mine.

 

I know in my own case, the person I married is very different today then he was 11 years ago. I'm sure I am too. If we met today it's likely we would not be that interested in one another. But our shared history, children, and faith give us something on which to continue to build a marriage, even in the harder times. And yeah, sometimes we have the warm fuzzy stuff, but that's a bonus, not a requirement for staying in a marriage.

 

All of this is MHO and stuff. Also not necessarily directed at you, Colleen. Your post just seemed a good springboard.

[Colleen]

I think asking, "what is love?" is a good place to start.

 

See?! There ya go. Cue the music.;)

 

Jami, your post is spot on. There is of course a difference, beyond semantics, between being "in love" and selflessly loving someone. And as you say, marriage is about something more than love. But having love in the mix certainly helps. Those are are deeply love their spouse can be very grateful for that element of their marriage.

[Guest janainaz]

Can't imagine my life without him. He is my best friend. We fight, argue, he drives me nuts and all the rest.....nothing is picture perfect, but he is the ONLY man I would chose to live my life with and be the father to my sons. No one else could possibly compare. He is irreplaceable.

[Cindy in FL.]

Love him? Yes. Like him? Not for the majority of our 14+ years together. He'd say the same thing, by the way, so I don't feel like I'm talking out of school. We are, actually, going through some tough times right now which are causing my dh to cultivate some compassion/empathy which will go a long way toward healing some wounds I hope. He has to have cervical spine fusion and facing that has brought him very low. Surprisingly so.

 

I also have been estranged from my family and haven't had many close friends. It's made me feel extremely alone in the world. Dh says he wants to be my friend now and with the death of my mother I think there may be more closeness in the family as well.

 

All that being said, divorce is not considered an option for us.

 

Cindy

Edited November 13, 2008 by Cindy in FL.

[Jugglin'5]

Can't imagine my life without him. He is my best friend. We fight, argue, he drives me nuts and all the rest.....nothing is picture perfect, but he is the ONLY man I would chose to live my life with and be the father to my sons. No one else could possibly compare. He is irreplaceable.

 

What Jana said.

[5sweeties]

I love him forever!!! My best friend and my knight in shining armour.

[Josie]

I love my dh warts and all. That is what it is all about, isn't it? I mean, Jesus loves us warts and all, and I believe that we are to be Jesus to our spouse.

[Desert Rat]

I'll quote the first few lines of our marriage vows to each other.

 

"My best friend and my lover, I come with all love, honor and sincerity, wishing only to become one with you...."

 

And we have.

 

Marriage isn't easy. Heck, sometimes it's just down right awful. There have been times when I wanted to throw my hands in the air and walk away. I'm sure he's felt the same way. But at the end of the day, it's always his smell that I want to smell and his air I want to breathe.

[CLHCO]

What does it say about me that my first thought, in response to this post, was to start singing the lyrics to a '80s Howard Jones tune? I can just hear him crooning, "What is lo-o-o-o-o-o-ove, anyway? Does anybody love anybody anyway?" :D

 

Oh great, now I have Howard Jones going through my head. :lol:

 

On the flip side, my dh had broken up with a rather needy girl shortly before we got together. He told me once that she was really into romance novels. He relayed a conversation once when she asked him if he loved her. He went on some trip about not really knowing what love is, blah, blah, blah... Of course, the point of that was simply to let me know that he figured it out. :001_wub:

 

I do get your point though. People come in so many shapes and sizes, internal and external. Many are far more dramatic than others in those feelings but in truth, this doesn't mean they "love" less, simply it's not the surface emotion it is for others and could just be a sense of contentment, comfort, security, passion, or any number of things they tribute to being "love".

 

My dh is my best friend and we love to hang out regularly, though there are times when I don't want to breathe his air, I want him to head off to work so I can come hang out on the internet. :tongue_smilie:

[Colleen]

My dh is my best friend and we love to hang out regularly, though there are times when I don't want to breathe his air, I want him to head off to work so I can come hang out on the internet. :tongue_smilie:

 

I'm apparently not wired like most people here because that comment ~ "I just need to breathe his air" ~ feels wa-a-a-a-y too fatal attraction for me.:tongue_smilie:

[Kidlit]

I haven't read all the responses, but let me just say that I have loved most of the ones I've read. It is so encouraging to read happy marriage stories.

 

I do love my dh more than I did when we first fell in love, which is hard for me to imagine. Neither of us is really a "breathe each other's air" kind of person, but I believe we have that in our own way. DH is a wonderful, kind, and loving husband, and he is a terrific father. I am so blessed and I often think I don't deserve him. He is the strongest evidence of God's hand in my life for sure.

[bkpan]

I think asking, "what is love?" is a good place to start. Is it a passionate, emotional feeling? Does one have to feel like they'd be half a person if her husband were no longer there? Do I have to feel breathless in his presence on a regular basis?

 

I certainly do love my husband. And count him a friend, which is a nice bonus. But I'm not convinced from a Christian perspective that the primary reason for marrying and staying married is feeling "in love". It's about sanctification, mine and his. And the two of us, broken sinners though we may be, being used by God as a picture of the unity between Christ and his church. Love is about serving one another, commitment to vows, sometimes painful sacrifice for the sake of the other. But it's temporary, marriage that is. It's a good and necessary relationship for our journey through this world, for the raising of children, for the mutual help and edification of one another, etc. But I think it can be an idol, I know sometimes I make it mine.

 

I know in my own case, the person I married is very different today then he was 11 years ago. I'm sure I am too. If we met today it's likely we would not be that interested in one another. But our shared history, children, and faith give us something on which to continue to build a marriage, even in the harder times. And yeah, sometimes we have the warm fuzzy stuff, but that's a bonus, not a requirement for staying in a marriage.

 

All of this is MHO and stuff. Also not necessarily directed at you, Colleen. Your post just seemed a good springboard.

 

Wonderfully put, Jami. I couldn't agree more.

 

Kim

[FloridaLisa]

Yes, my dh is my best friend. My heart goes pitter-patter when he comes home and I can't sleep when he's not here. He's my other half and I'm so thankful to have him!

That's us as well. We were great friends in school, began dating in high school, got married halfway through college, made it through graduate school, and have weathered nearly 24 years very well. It's so neat once you reach the years in which you've been together more than apart.

 

Lisa

[Annie Laurie]

Yes, we're best friends. I feel extremely blessed to get to spend the rest of my life with him.

[Lisa in Jax]

He's smart, kind, funny, hard working, silly, adorable and thoughtful. He also aggravates the kyarn out of me -- on a daily basis. ;-)

 

I like him *and* I love him. I respect him. I miss him when he's at work.

 

I care what he thinks (though I don't care as much about sports, lol). He makes me laugh. He's a fantabulous father. He sees only the best in me. He ignores and forgives my flaws. Who needs "tea" when he's around? ::cackle::

 

He says that he loves me more than I love him. He's wrong! ;-)

 

I can say with all honesty and sincerity that I love him more today than I did on our wedding day 17 years ago, and we were gaga then!

 

I would not change one thing about my dh. Even his imperfections (few though they may be...) are part of the man I love.

 

Lisa

[SapphireStitch]

 

I'm apparently not wired like most people here because that comment ~ "I just need to breathe his air" ~ feels wa-a-a-a-y too fatal attraction for me.:tongue_smilie:

 

:lol:

 

And I thought it might be stinky, my DH loves the garlic. :001_smile:

 

Seriously, though, DH and I have been married 21 years and we are best friends and lovers and all that. But we are also both intensely practical people, and hearts going pitter-patter and all that aren't really part of our vocabulary. If I told DH my heart was going pitter-patter he would hand me a glass of ice water and talk me through some slow breathing because obviously I would be having palpitations caused by an oncoming hot flash. And then he would ask me if I'd been taking my magnesium and how much caffeine I'd had that day. :)

 

Maybe we don't have enough differences between us for the true, hot, passionate all the time romance. Most of my friends who have husbands whose air they must breathe also have things in their life they say they "could never talk to HIM about". I guess that gives them some mystery in their marriage and heats it up...but I'd rather have my friend. Friend with benefits as the youth say...

[Homeschooling6]

My Sweets is my best friend. I don't have the word to describe the love between my husband and I. People have told us that they can tell we love each other deeply. All I know is I love my husband more everyday:001_wub:

[TammyinTN]

I didn't read the responses..but I can say without a doubt...I love my husband completely! He's an awesome man, husband, father and friend. I feel so blessed!:001_smile:

[Audrey]

tonight after church I was talking with our Youth Director's wife, they are moving out of state next month and we were talking about the stress of being in ministry and the stress on a Pastor's family. She said that she had the hardest time adjusting to being a minister's wife because of the time it took her husband from her. then she said that she just needed to "breathe his air". It made me want to cry. She said he was her best friend.

 

I was just wondering how many of you still love your dh like that? Or if you just love him and never want to be without him, maybe not the breathing air thing but can't imagine not being married to him.

I wish I knew how to make a poll but I don't have a clue.

 

 

I love my husband. I'm also deeply in love with him. He is the best friend I've ever had. I cannot imagine life without him. I know, truly, that the feeling is mutual. We are an unstoppable team. We can do anything together, get through anything together. This I know with all my heart. There are times when I have to be away for work, that all I think of is that I want to go home, and that moment I walk in the door and see him -- I'm complete.

 

Ours is not a hollywood romance -- do those even last? Ours is a quiet kind of everyday getting-through-life-together kind of love. We talk, talk, talk about anything and everything... the deep and intimate, the weird, the profound and the mundane. Sometimes we're messy and yucky, but that's just life, and life without him -- well, I just don't even go there. When you just know that's the one for you -- know it right down to your bones -- there's no way to explain it in words. That's just it.

Edited November 13, 2008 by Audrey

[OnTheBrink]

So many of these posts have brought tears to my eyes. I yearn for such a marriage as what most of you describe.

[battlemaiden]

Yes, painfully so.

 

When my dh is deployed I ache to breathe his air. My heart definitely longs to be with my best friend. The pain helps me to understand the "one flesh" phrase from the Bible. In a weird military wife way it is a good sign to still feel this way.

 

Jo

[Tarheel Heather]

My husband drives me crazy, he's the complete opposite of myself. We balance each other. And even though he drives me nuts, I love him and could not imagine him not being there.

[ereks mom]

My dh really does complete me.

 

:iagree:

[Rosie_0801]

Yes, today I am madly in love with him, tommorow I may not like him very much....but.....I always know that soon enough, I will madly love him again. Ebbs and flows for sure.

 

 

I'm like this too. Luckily the love and friendship is divided in two and kept in seperate places. If my heart forgets, my head will remind it, and vice versa. He's the best friend I've ever had, which is why I 'unmarried' him. I can talk to him about anything and almost never tells me I'm being silly, and being the lovely guy he is, if I am being silly he tells me I'm entitled to be :)

I'm sure I could do without if I had to but it's hard to imagine why it would be worth bothering, other than for the kiddies. We've put so much time and effort into maturing each other, I think it would take close to forever to pick the bits of him out of me so I could give them back, and get all of my pieces back if one of us left. Dunno about the "breathing his air" idea. I suppose the sentiment is true enough, but I would never use that kind of language!

[Lovedtodeath]

After going through the wringer for a year and a half our marriage is really really happy.

My DH is very good looking and turns heads everywhere he goes. When we were going through our problems, I thought he was downright ugly. If you don't love your DH (I didn't.) then you need to do something. I recommend Relationship Rescue. Once you get both of you committed to it (and you may have to drastically make DH realize that something has got to change) that book works really well to get both of you noticing the things that you do to sabatoge the marriage, and puts an end to the cycle. One thing to note: when you are infatuated with someone, you tend to look for reasons (excuses) to love them. Try applying that to your mate.

 

We are now happier in our marriage and with each other than we have ever been. He is really hot to me again. There are always ebbs and flows and good days/ bad days.

[Jennifer in MI]

Yes. Dh truly is my best friend. I love him with all of my being. I joke with him that I have to die first, because I don't know what I'd do without him.

[Faith]

tonight after church I was talking with our Youth Director's wife, they are moving out of state next month and we were talking about the stress of being in ministry and the stress on a Pastor's family. She said that she had the hardest time adjusting to being a minister's wife because of the time it took her husband from her. then she said that she just needed to "breathe his air". It made me want to cry. She said he was her best friend.

 

I was just wondering how many of you still love your dh like that? Or if you just love him and never want to be without him, maybe not the breathing air thing but can't imagine not being married to him.

I wish I knew how to make a poll but I don't have a clue.

 

 

My husband is my very best friend. Yes, I would hate to live without him. I can't wait for him to come home from work. We've been married almost 18 years and we're still very much in love.

[Jenny in Atl]

Husband is my best friend.

 

Laura

 

Ditto....

We will be celebrating our 25th anniversary on the 23rd of this month. :D

[Joanne]

Of course, compared to most in this thread, I am a newlywed.

 

However, I did have a nearly 14 year "marriage".

 

That former "marriage" skews my answer to this poll.

 

I know what it's like to be lonely while with someone. I will NEVER live like that again. Not.ever.

 

I love my husband deeply, passionately, and with every fiber of my being. I am happy when his truck (or Dad's car, or motorcycle or school bus) pulls up. In fact, he drops off (school bus) at the school where I provide before school care and he *wants* me to wait for him "just to say hello". He *wants* to spend time with me, and will find ways to catch a few moments, cherishing each one. I get goosebumps when he touches me and could listen to his voice for hours.

 

However, I know with my soul that I will be ok by myself, without him. It's not my preference. I'd be grieving and devastated. But my world would not collapse.

 

I can't imagine, however, having done the last 2 years without him.

 

What's even more wonderful, charming and sexy is my kids feel the same way.

[dhudson]

I do love my dh. Sometimes I don't always like him :) but I always love him. He makes me smile and he is willing to be drug to every home school convention, wait in line at midnight for a book I want, and stand up to me (which is not always an easy feat). He loves our kids and is kind to others. He's not perfect but he's mine.

[Lovedtodeath]

I know what it's like to be lonely while with someone. I will NEVER live like that again. Not.ever.

 

I have been there too.:grouphug: But in my case my DH was willing (after a horrid year and a half) and able to change.

 

I get goosebumps when he touches me and could listen to his voice for hours.

 

That is rare indeed. I only get goosebumps if my hormones are really out of whack or I have been reading a lot of exciting things that elicit fantasies. :D

[ummix3]

I do.....