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SapphireStitch

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About SapphireStitch

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    Hive Mind Level 6 Worker: Scout Bee
  1. I mostly lurk on the boards here since I stopped homeschooling a couple of years ago. But your question caught my eye because just today we moved my parents to a retirement home! They are both 87yo and still in quite good health, so similar situation to your parents. They have been living next door to me for 20 years; they moved here when they retired with the plan being that I would take care of them in their old age. Well, a lot of things have changed in 20 years, the biggest being that I have developed health issues that leave me too disabled to physically care for them. I've been able to help them a lot mentally when they've needed to bounce ideas around, and my husband and son have done a lot of lawn care and home maintenance for them in the last couple of years. But I can't clean their house, cook for them, or lift them if they were to become in need of personal physical care. They are still managing, but we (and they) saw signs that they would soon need help. Neither of them see as well as they used to, and this has made them feel unsure of their driving. Dad has Essential Tremor and he "may have" had a couple of incidents where his foot slid off the brake while he was driving. Eeek! This in particular was the proverbial last straw that made my brothers and me decide we needed to talk to them seriously about other options. Mom was also getting very tired trying to keep up with the house and cooking, although she didn't want to admit it. My first suggestion to you is to talk to your folks about where their friends or acquaintances live. My parents had a pretty firm idea of places they definitely did NOT want to move to based on what they'd seen when visiting friends. They also knew of a place connected with their church where several of their friends were very happy. Second thought is don't take their word for it about prices and payment arrangements without tactfully verifying them yourself. My parents were sure they could not afford the place connected with their church. They were basing this on discussions they'd had with other friends who'd told them how wealthy one had to be to live there. Well, when I got fed up with hearing that and tracked down the info myself, it turned out that "wealthy" was relative. My parents with modest savings were able to afford the place they thought was far beyond their means. Thirdly, I agree with those above saying to make the move now. The place my parents moved into is a "continuing care retirement community". This means they move into "independent living". Now that does, in this case, include their meals being cooked for them and weekly housecleaning. So it's not like they have to be able to maintain a house, but they don't need help getting to the dining room or help in the bathroom, etc. Their doctors had to fill out forms certifying that they meet the requirements for independent living; this is a state regulation that covers this type of retirement home here. Now that they are there, they will be able to have assistance as they need it and they can even have hospice care there at the end of their lives. The way continuing care communities work here in NC is that the resident usually pays a fee up front and then pays monthly rent from there on out. I've seen up front fees anywhere from 2K to 200K in the literature for communities around here. The one my parents chose is mid-range. They are able to afford the monthly rent out of their Social Security checks and will only have access investments for other expenditures. This, of course, will vary widely depending on so many factors. I'm just throwing that out there because I went into this thinking that these communities were only for the very rich. Good luck with your journey in helping your parents! I hugged Mom and Dad goodbye this morning as they got ready for the ride over to their new home, and I felt a mixture of sadness and relief. I'm happy we were able to have them here as my kids grew up. It will be so different not to have them right next door; I will miss them. But I'm also super happy and relieved that they were able to make this decision and move to a pretty little studio apartment in a clean, nice building surrounded by people who share their beliefs. I'm relieved that there will be kind people to care for them when they need it. I'm relieved of the guilt I was feeling over not being able to care for them the way I had hoped. I hope that whatever you and your parents end up deciding to do will make you feel equally positive!
  2. I've gone through spurts of posting over the years, but mostly did a lot of lurking. My daughter graduated...yikes...10 years ago?? When my son hit middle school age I started having a lot of health issues that left me without the capacity to be a fully involved hands-on homeschooling mom. It became obvious that my son needed more than I could give him, so when we found out about an awesome private school very near us we placed him there for 8th grade. He's a sophomore now and doing very, very well. It was a hard blow to my "homeschooling is always the best" pride, and I've had to eat a lot of bragging words I spoke in my younger years. This experience has taught me a lot and has certainly changed the things I say to younger women who are considering homeschooling. Anyway, I pop back in here from time to time...often when I want to get a good, thoughtful take on something happening in the world. I click the "like this" button a lot! :-) And I just realized my signature is going to be horribly out of date...well, going to go ahead and post anyway.
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