Teen boys and hair.

[lynn]

Just wondering what others have to say on the hair issue.

My 13 year old likes the longer shaggy look. As long as it's not over his eyes and it's clean I don't mind to much. My oldest son is ROTC and trims his hair weekly to keep it above the eyebrows and over the ears and he gets it cut every couple of months to clean all the uneven trimmings he does. My dh is from the neat and trimmed camp, not military cut but not shaggy.

 

Do you have standards on your teenage boy and his hair. do you ask that it be kept over the ears, above the collar? Is it a non-issue, however he wants to wear it. Do you allow the long shaggy over the eyes? Don't mind as long as it's clean and combed?

[jamnkats]

His hair, his body, his decisions. I don't interfere in my kids decisions about their bodies.

[Jen500]

My oldest boys are 9, and this is a bit of an issue in our house. One ds prefers shaggy hair. I don't mind, as long as it's not hanging in his eyes, and he keeps it clean and combed (which he does). Dh prefers the dc to have short hair, and is always telling him to get a haircut. I just don't think it's a big deal.

[Maria from IN]

Long hair on guys (like to the shoulders) has always been a pet peeve of mine. I suppose it's because every man in my life who had hair that long was always insecure about something--I know that must be a fluke, though.

 

I always tell my 14 year old that as long as he doesn't look like a girl he can wear his hair however he wants. "A man's gotta look like a man" is something I say often. When his hair gets too long he gets this Dorothy Hamill thing going that I just can't stand to see on him...:glare:

 

I realize that there are some very attractive men, inside and out, who just happen to have long hair...they just don't live in my house.

 

...says the woman who's dating a guy who shaves his head...:001_huh:

[Rhonda in TX]

It's an easy way for them to express themselves that does not have far-reaching consequences. I will not fight with my children over their hair. As far as I'm concerned, they can cut it or not, dye it or not, perm it or not, whatever.

[Renee in NC]

His hair, his body, his decisions. I don't interfere in my kids decisions about their bodies.

 

:iagree: to a certain extent. I don't sign for permanent changes - he has to wait until he is old enough to sign for himself. (Or he gets his Dad or stepmom to do it:glare:)

[dtsmamtj]

Short hair here :biggrinjester:.

 

 

T

[Pamela H in Texas]

I personally think this is mostly a non-issue. I can think of much more important things to even discuss, much less make house rules about. I believe in individuality.

 

HOWEVER, as Christians, we believe our behavior and appearance need to be "above reproach" which means that it does warrant SOME discussion as my ds would like to grow his hair out also. What we decided was that he may do so as long as he can have it be "clean cut" in public. His hair tends to grow UP for some reason and so having it 6-8 inches UP at home is one thing but when he goes out in public, he slicks it back so he looks nice.

 

We're both happy and he's not being judged adversely in the community.

 

The only "fuss" we have is that I insist the hair at his ears is trimmed regularly. He has some sensory issues so this is extra hard for him in practice, but a must so that he looks neat and presentable.

 

So we've compromised successfully here. BTW, my ds completely understands and agrees with the standard and reasons why. We just had to tweak things so we agreed on what it looked like in practice :)

[ThelmaLou]

Not an issue so far in my house. All 5 of my boys (oldest is 13, 6 ft. tall and wears a men's size 14 shoe!) have buzz cuts. For money's sake (and time's sake), I just line them up and mow them down with a #2 Wahl blade. They love it. My oldest has absolutely no desire so far to grow his hair out. I'd let him do it if he wanted, but I'm not sure how long I'd let it get. I'm not a fan of the bed-head look on boys, but I'd probably choose my battles carefully if it became a real issue.

 

I'm not into vanity or fussiness in front of the mirror for either women or men, but for men...something just doesn't seem so manly about having a great deal of concern about a coiff, messing with a bunch of gel, spray, etc...Makes me think of the youtube videos feature John Edwards set to the tune of "I feel pretty, Oh so pretty..." Adornment, as I would call it, seems most fitting to women. I'm sure that's very sexist, and I'll admit it. But my dad, brother, husband, and sons couldn't care less about spending a fraction of a second on their hair. I'm kinda glad it worked out that way, but I'm willing to be challenged on that.

[Nestof3]

Only one of my boys is old enough to have that even be an issue (18), and he has never liked that sort of style -- in fact, he thinks that guys who wear their hair like that look like girls. I tell him I think it's a 70's revisit.

 

He's always been a very short haircut kind of guy. Besides, I don't think he could play paintball very well or excel in martial arts if his hair were in the way. :) Since he considered being in the Army, and is now pursuing a degree in Criminal Justice for law enforcement, this is probably a good thing.

 

I personally find such hairstyles to look unkempt, and *if* my other boys like that style, I suppose I will have to cross that bridge when I get there, but I think I will say "no" to them. (Right now, I just buzz them both with clippers)

 

When Aaron was younger, he was ready to dole out some serious cash to get things that looked "skater." We had a heart to heart about his identity and how companies try to feed off children's need to fit in (and the cost of it). We talked about what sorts of things are important to identify with. After that, he decided it was a silly waste of money. That was the only situation we ever had of him trying to fit in with "current" styles.

 

He does have his own style. He likes pants with many pockets (to hold his various things), he likes wearing the color green (his military-strategy thinking self and love for the outdoors), he gets his hair cut the way he likes it -- short all over (not buzzed) with just a little in the front which he used spikiing gel on for a little lift). He never wears jeans -- doesn't own any. He likes Dickies khakis and his pants with lots of pockets.

Edited November 10, 2008 by nestof3

[JFSinIL]

As long as it is clean I do not care. One of the 17-yr-old twins has hair past his shoulders - looks like Lucius Malfoy!!!!

[WTMindy]

I kinda wish my ds would grow his hair longer because I think the shaggy hair look is kinda cute, but he likes it better short. Whatever, as long as it is clean I'm fine with it.

[mellifera]

It hasn't become an issue in our house yet. However, hair can be cut or grown out. It isn't something that is a permanent change. So if ds wants to do something with his hair to show his individuality, it's ok.

[Deidre in GA]

length is not a hill worth dying on. if he goes too long without washing it, though, i will say something. strange boy: he showers daily but goes in and out of regular soap usage. so his hair gets wet all the time but still looks greasy.

[Jane in NC]

I kinda wish my ds would grow his hair longer because I think the shaggy hair look is kinda cute, but he likes it better short. Whatever, as long as it is clean I'm fine with it.

 

A few years ago my son adopted the longer, shaggy look which I too think is cute.

 

But the purpose of this post is to compliment you on your new photo, Mindy. Looking good.

 

Jane

[mamaof2andtwins]

I have one boy, and it is not an issue for him as he has a few pet peeves about his hair touching his ears, etc. My only requirement is that it must be at or above his eye brows.

 

ETA and clean, of course...

Edited November 10, 2008 by mamaof2andtwins
ETA

[jamnkats]

Only one of my boys is old enough to have that even be an issue (18), and he has never liked that sort of style -- in fact, he thinks that guys who wear their hair like that look like girls. I tell him I think it's a 70's revisit.

 

I'm not sure whether to take offense or not. What a horror to be mistaken for a GIRL! How AWFUL it would be if someone thought you were a (shiver) GIRL! Why would being a girl be such an awful thing?

 

Maybe it much less than that - it is hard to tell from your post what his attitude is, but I think it helps to examine why it would be so awful to be mistaken for a girl.

 

My 14yo looks very girlish and is very secure in his gender. I honestly could not care less what sex he identifies with but he identifies as a male.

 

This is 3 years ago,

 

2 years ago

 

And this summer

 

I think he is gorgeous, but I'm a bit prejudiced. :)

[Retired]

We are a conservative family but my oldest turned 13 he decided to grow his hair out (long).

 

I don't have a problem with long hair. He started shaving at 12 so the idea of him looking like a girl has not been a issue.

 

He wears it pulled in at the nap for church.

 

I grew up in a church that dictated what a Christian is suppose to look like.

It was full of hypocrisy.

 

There are boys in our coop that dress for the parents (hair and clothes picked by mom) but they let my ds know as soon as they leave home they will show there parents.

[RoughCollie]

My sons can do whatever they like with their hair. If they want to dye it another color, they have to have to pay for that and for the upkeep of it (if any).

 

One of the boys prefers short hair whenever he gets around to going to the barber. Otherwise, we call him Fluffhead because he looks similar to a dandelion between haircuts. One has shaggy, kind of long hair, which he prefers because there are no cowlicks sticking up. One has regular-length hair about which he cares very much, if the time he spends in front of the bathroom mirror is any indication.

 

I like long hair on guys (a length that can be pulled back with a ponytail), but so far, none of my boys are takers.

 

RC

[Lady_Dulcinea]

my 13yr old *hates* having his hair cut. So when he asked to just not cut it I told him that was fine, but it had to stay clean and out of his face. He's done great with it and it is pretty cute. Last night he even told me he might need another shampoo because his hair was pretty greasy by the end of the day. (He showers in the AM). I've been wondering if he'll ask to have it trimmed or anything any time soon, but it's up to him.

 

My younger two boys are shaggy right now too, but they go back and forth.

 

FWIW, I grew up with the idea that male hair must be above the ears and not touching collar. I'm over it now. lol

[elegantlion]

It might become an issue in our house. DS likes his hair longer, I think it looks cute longer. Dh however has told him it has to be groomed and it will be cut if he doesn't take care of it. He's still young enough for that to fly.

 

However, I look at my dh (balding) and my ds (not balding) andI think Let the boy have hair the way he wants it now, he may not always have a choice. Hopefully he got my genetics in the hair department.

 

I'd also like to pull out the photos of my dh from the 70's. Long hair. :D

 

I don't think long hair is indicitive of anything but a style preference. I remember in the 70's a friend not being able to get into the skating rink because his hair touched his collar. :confused:

 

Kyle Petty is my favorite race car drivers and ranks in my top 3 of people I'd want my son to emulate because of his character. He has long hair. IMO, there is so much about our physical features that we can not change, hair is the one thing a teen should have the freedom make their own.

[Tabrett]

Dh and I have agreed that is a non-issue for us. Our dc can cut their hair how they like. It is not permanent. Tattoos and body piercing are taboo!

[chaik76]

My oldest is only 7 but it's a non-issue for us. He's grown it long, cut it short (he has almost a buzz cut right now), and at one point contemplated dreadlocks. I don't care if it hangs in the eyes or not. It's so curly we don't brush it, we just let it be. I don't see it being a problem when he's older either; we don't object to colors, odd styles, etc. with hair...which means he'll probably find some other way to rebel!

[Parrothead]

It is his hair, I'd let him grow it if that is what he wants.

 

I would have him make sure it is brushed and neat daily. And it would have to be put into an elastic if it got long enough.

[Julie in CA]

My boys all have short hair. They all like it that way, so we've had no battles over their hair.

 

If they wanted to wear their hair long, they would be allowed to--after we're no longer responsible for them. I teach my boys lots of things to help them blend more with society and to influence how society sees them: no picking their nose, keep their fingernails trimmed, no wearing of dirty or torn clothes unless they're doing hard physical work, etc. Having a clean-cut look makes a good first impression, whereas the young men with long hair have to sometimes overcome people's preconceived notions about what their character is like.

 

And though I'm risking some tomato-throwing, I do think that boys/men who look especially feminine have a harder time being perceived as strong or authoritative. I've yet to see a long-haired president. There aren't that many (male)long-haired CEO's, and if you look at the men who are owners of small businesses, they don't generally have long hair. I'd venture to say that most pastors have shorter hair rather than long, as do most other men in positions of authority.

 

As long as society shows a bias towards short hair and away from long, I'm going to teach my boys to go for what leaves a good first impression.

 

...and just in case I've come off as sounding too hard-nosed about this, of course I would love my sons even with long hair, and I know it's not in any way a sign of what's in their heart. It's not a "hill I would die on" issue, just something we teach them about how to get along more easily in society by doing the things appearance-wise that seem to matter, so that their character can more easily shine through.

[Tammy]

so it was a non issue here. I cut their hair ....so I cut it how I want to, LOL! Just kidding.....they seem to want their hair short and neat looking.

[tibbyl]

Just wondering what others have to say on the hair issue.

My 13 year old likes the longer shaggy look. As long as it's not over his eyes and it's clean I don't mind to much. My oldest son is ROTC and trims his hair weekly to keep it above the eyebrows and over the ears and he gets it cut every couple of months to clean all the uneven trimmings he does. My dh is from the neat and trimmed camp, not military cut but not shaggy.

 

Do you have standards on your teenage boy and his hair. do you ask that it be kept over the ears, above the collar? Is it a non-issue, however he wants to wear it. Do you allow the long shaggy over the eyes? Don't mind as long as it's clean and combed?

 

My children have sovreignity over their personal appearance, including hair style and clothing.

[Tracey in TX]

 

However, I look at my dh (balding) and my ds (not balding) andI think Let the boy have hair the way he wants it now, he may not always have a choice.

 

Both my boys like the shaggier hair styles. Just as cute as can be--blonde, Euro soccer style. DS (12) already shows signs of thinning hair, so he can enjoy it now. I dislike the buzz cuts and was thrilled that DSs opted to give them up. Too 1950 for my taste! (DH would love for them to wear it that way, though. :))

[Tammyla]

Clean and combed are required around here for us all. Styles are your own within reason and luckily my guy likes his just so.

[WTMCassandra]

My boy isn't quite to this stage yet and still gets "Mom" cuts with clippers. However, with the young men I know, overall length/shagginess doesn't bother me . . . but hair in eyes does! I want to be able to make eye contact with someone I'm talking with. So, I will probably require hair out of eyes (both boys and girls!) but otherwise I plan for it to be a non-issue here.

[Murphy101]

not over his eyes and it's clean

 

 

That's pretty much our rule of thumb here.

It's just not worth arguing over.

And I don't think society favors short hair anymore either.

My dh works with lots of people who have masters and Dr degrees in finance and business settings and it's at least a 50/50 split on the hair thing. One of the 50 yr old women he works with has magenta streaks in her hair.

Beards are the same. He looks really young for his age and had a hard time getting a decent job while clean shaven. Grew a beard and kept it trim and gets more respect. Go figure.

 

All of the boys get sheared like sheep :) until they are teens b/c that's what we do at home and can't afford to take them to barber shop and they aren't really old enough to properly scrub longer hair, ime.

 

Once they become teens, we give some on the issue. Most of them prefer it short and keep the shearing style. They try it longer, get that required mohawk in, then decide they liked it short after all and go back to getting sheared. My 2nd will probably go long at least for a time. His hair is fine and easier to manage than his big brother's, which was very thick and a mess of cow-licks and just didn't ever look kept up on longer.

[fivetails]

Long hair on guys doesn't bother me at all - ds10 has short hair because it's easier and he doesn't care ;)....dh used to have collar length hair (and I loved it:D) but has it kept short now...my best friend (a guy) has a braid almost as long as mine and I think it looks awesome on him. :)

[laughing lioness]

I do all of the haircutting around here and when I say it's time to cut, it gets done- my nickname is, after all, PaxRoMomma:001_smile:. My boys HATE getting hair cuts so I try to have a treat around on hair cutting days. My big criterion is not too shaggy and not in their eyes. In April we usually go for a buzz- it's our annual "tick season hair cut." All of that being said, we usually only cut hair 3-4 times a year.

[Mommyfaithe]

My 17 yo has long hair...as in long enough for a pony tail...long.

It drives my husband NUTS!! He hates it and it is definitely a bone of contention between them.

 

I think it looks nice. My only thing was, if he was going to have long hair, it had to be neat...off his face and in a pony tail when he worked. He has complied completely to that wish. DH wants it cut...NOW!!!

 

I think my ds is nervouse about cutting it because he has red frizzyish hair and when it is short, he is afraid he will look dorky. He had a few bad haircuts in his early teen times which proved dorkiness happens...so he is not willing to try a short cut even if it is a bone of contention between him and dh. SIGH....

 

Dh feels the long hair makes him look like a dirt bag...and it makes him look like a bad kid.

 

I am trying to stay out of the fight because DH had really long hair when I met him...and he looked gorgeous!!!

 

I just wish my son and dh could come to a reasonable agreement and maybe argue politics or something...

 

SIGH

Faithe

[pqr]

His hair, his body, his decisions. I don't interfere in my kids decisions about their bodies.

Wow!!!

 

Conversely, these are personal opinions but they are also the rules in my house.

 

1. Boys will have short hair and conservative hairstyles.

2. Boys will have natural hair color.

3. Boys will never never engage in piercings, tattoos and other odd forms of display.

 

This is not up for debate.

 

I am my sons' father. Until that sad, but hopefully proud, day when they go out on their own they will adhere to my rules and my value system.

 

 

 

I do have a question though. When did this belief system evolve that children be allowed to make decisions about dress and appearance? What my son wears and how he appears reflects not only on himself but on his mother, on me and on his siblings. He will conform to the norms, while erring to the conservative.

 

Fortunately my son thinks as I do and I have no worries.

[OnTheBrink]

Not a hill to die on here. My son went for 5 years without a haircut once.

 

This is him about 4 years ago, before he broke down and cut his hair.

 

[Tracey in TX]

I do have a question though. When did this belief system evolve that children be allowed to make decisions about dress and appearance? What my son wears and how he appears reflects not only on himself but on his mother, on me and on his siblings. He will conform to the norms, while erring to the conservative.

 

Fortunately my son thinks as I do and I have no worries.

My parents demanded I follow their strict rules of dress. It was stifling and still resent some of it. They didn't have any sense of style and was utterly embarrassing. Why should we DEMAND certain styles? If we like it, great. If we don't like it, so what? There are such major issues to tackle in parenting. Why be divisive over silly,skin deep images? If we tell kids not to judge a book by its cover, why not let them express their clothing and hair in a way they see fit--provided it isn't offensive?

[pqr]

Tracey,

 

As I said dress and appearance reflect on the whole family.

 

Further, and yes I know I will hear of the A+ volunteer student who dresses like a Goth, it seems that children who dress in an odd manner, have strange hair or have piercings frequently have more problems than the more conservative dressers.

 

 

My father had standards, be they related to dress, hair, speech, grades etc. By keeping me within the dress, hair, speech and grades he never had any need to deal with some of the other "major issues."

 

I will argue that ever since we, as parents, have relaxed our standards we, as a society, have faced more and more problems.

 

Where do we stop? Where will you draw the line? Here?

[chaik76]

Tracey,

 

As I said dress and appearance reflect on the whole family.

 

Further, and yes I know I will hear of the A+ volunteer student who dresses like a Goth, it seems that children who dress in an odd manner, have strange hair or have piercings frequently have more problems than the more conservative dressers.

 

 

My father had standards, be they related to dress, hair, speech, grades etc. By keeping me within the dress, hair, speech and grades he never had any need to deal with some of the other "major issues."

 

I will argue that ever since we, as parents, have relaxed our standards we, as a society, have faced more and more problems.

 

Where do we stop? Where will you draw the line? Here?

Well, I dress punk (some of the time), I have piercings and tattoos, and am a committed Christian. Clothes and hair just aren't worth it, imo. If you don't like the way someone looks...and you're going to judge them on that, that's your (general you) loss, not theirs. I looked at the piercings video...it's not what I choose to do, but I have no problem with it.

I want my children to not only listen to my rules, but also have the chance to express themselves in ways that aren't harmful. Clothes, hair, piercings, and tattoos are some of those ways.

[hornblower]

I'm not sure whether to take offense or not. What a horror to be mistaken for a GIRL! How AWFUL it would be if someone thought you were a (shiver) GIRL! Why would being a girl be such an awful thing?

 

<snipped some lovely photos for length>

 

I think he is gorgeous, but I'm a bit prejudiced. :)

 

He IS!!!

 

And yeah, I don't get the "being mistaken for a GIRL" horror story.

 

My dude is here: http://hmsindefatigable.blogspot.com/2008/05/hugo.html

He put on a tie in that photo to aid people who were confused :lol:

 

He's 10 & has had long hair since he was about 6. He just really hated having it cut & we had an adult male friend of the family who had a ponytail down past his shoulders so it seemed quite normal to him to just grow it out.

 

When we went to Mexico one year, his hair was just growing out & he had some of the little braids put in, with 'manly' blue & black beads :tongue_smilie:

 

Actually, I find the really short/shaved hair on young boys kind of scary looking sometimes. The connotation for that hairstyle for me is one of violence & armed conflict so it's not a look I find particularly appealing. Some people can carry it off & I know a couple people who shave completely or clipper very short & they make it work, but it's not my fave hairstyle. On young children it just reminds me of concentration camp photos.

 

If it was up to me, I'd probably lob ds's hair off either in an Eton crop

http://www.rupert-graves.com/vista/arwav/photos/arwav/010.jpg like Freddy Honeychurch & all the other young guys in A Room with a View

or a nice layered cut like this:

http://www.allmoviephoto.com/photo/2005_the_worlds_fastest_indian_007_big.html

 

However, he hasn't asked for my input on this subject :D

[pqr]

I want my children to not only listen to my rules, but also have the chance to express themselves in ways that aren't harmful. Clothes, hair, piercings, and tattoos are some of those ways.

 

Are you seriously arguing that what is in the video is not harmful? What do you think their job prospects are (in that many companies would not hire them simply because of their looks)? Is this not harmful?

 

I judge by many factors, and yes appearance does play a part. While I may associate with people with piercings or excessive tattoos there is no way this side of the Continental Divide that I would allow them anywhere near my children.

[Frankie]

Tracey,

 

As I said dress and appearance reflect on the whole family.

 

Further, and yes I know I will hear of the A+ volunteer student who dresses like a Goth, it seems that children who dress in an odd manner, have strange hair or have piercings frequently have more problems than the more conservative dressers.

 

 

My father had standards, be they related to dress, hair, speech, grades etc. By keeping me within the dress, hair, speech and grades he never had any need to deal with some of the other "major issues."

 

I will argue that ever since we, as parents, have relaxed our standards we, as a society, have faced more and more problems.

 

Where do we stop? Where will you draw the line? Here?

 

I'm going to have to disagree with you. I sat in a courtroom for 11 years of my life, both juvenile and adult criminal court. Haircuts and dress had absolutly no bearing on anything. In fact, we had more conservative children in the juvie system than what you refer to as odd. Way more.

[hornblower]

I will argue that ever since we, as parents, have relaxed our standards we, as a society, have faced more and more problems.

 

 

But then where do you want to go back to? (rhetorical question :001_smile:)

Three hundred years ago, a Papa was bemoaning that his son wouldn't fold his cravat the 'correct' way, was wearing a wool waistcoat instead of fine pink silk, and was not wearing his buckle shoes!

 

In fact, there's an online history of men's clothing exhibit in which there is this fabulous quote:

 

Richard 'Beau' Nash, arbiter of dress and conduct in Bath, England, in the first half of the eighteenth century, was appalled at seeing men wearing morning gowns and caps in the presence of ladies when going to take the waters of this exclusive equivalent of the modern spa. Although wearing such informal garments in public settings was growing increasingly popular, he toiled to stop this lack of propriety and decorum in his fair city. He confronted country squires who wore riding boots at all times with, "Sir, you have forgot your horse!" thus hoping to improve their conduct.

 

 

Come to think of it, I am appalled too. Any male wishing to take tea with me had better put on their wig, embroidered coat, lace trimmed everything & don't forget the white silk stockings and shoes with high heels and big buckles, please.

[chaik76]

Are you seriously arguing that what is in the video is not harmful? What do you think their job prospects are (in that many companies would not hire them simply because of their looks)? Is this not harmful?

 

I judge by many factors, and yes appearance does play a part. While I may associate with people with piercings or excessive tattoos there is no way this side of the Continental Divide that I would allow them anywhere near my children.

Perhaps the jobs they want are different from the jobs you want.

 

While some may call this subjective ethics...no, I don't think they're doing anything wrong. Piercings and tattoos do not an evil person make. And really, (and I have no idea if you are Christian or not, so ignore this if you aren't), Jesus associated with everyone. Now, that doesn't mean I take my kids down to the state prison and let them associate with homicidal maniacs, but I also tend to like people based on their personality, ethics, and morals, rather than the state of their hair or dress. People who judge based primarily on appearance (and I am not saying you do this), miss a lot imo.

 

FWIW, I have gotten every job I ever wanted...including with a prestigious arts center, a library, and as an editor of a magazine. Now, compared to those in the video, I'm conservative. I have my tongue and my nose pierced. My tattoo is on my shoulder and is never visible because I always wear sleeves. My hair is colored (bright red right now).

 

Glad to know you wouldn't let your kids associate with me.

[Pamela H in Texas]

have the chance to express themselves in ways that aren't harmful.

 

Except inappropriate self-expression most certainly CAN be harmful. We, as Christians, would not want to go against counsel to be modest and in sound-mind with our dress. At one point when Paul used the phrase soundness of mind, the original Greek word he used denotes being temperate and self-controlled. It implies thinking of oneself soberly, not drawing undue attention. Other Bible translations render this word as “discreetly,” “sensibly,” “refined,” or “with self-restraint.”

 

We also would not want our appearance to be a distraction to others. Repuation of those in the Christian congregation and for God's name DOES matter. And finally, it would be sad if someone lost their life because they couldn't get past a Christian's choice of hairdo of all things! Now some might put that responsibility on the other person but seriously, it's just important to me not to take the chance with other people's lives!

 

And so my son's hair must be neat and respectable as must his dress. There is SO much room for individuality within the confines of "respectable" (including SOME different hair lengths) that I don't think any child is being stifled by living by this standard.

 

This is just my opinion from scripture. I fully respect your right to hold a different opinion.

[HRAAB]

[quote=chaik76;639913

 

Glad to know you wouldn't let your kids associate with me.

 

You're not alone. ;)

 

Janet

[myfunnybunch]

When did this belief system evolve that children be allowed to make decisions about dress and appearance?

 

I don't think it's a belief system so much as it is a family choice issue. Some families believe that hair falls in the category of "personal decision" and some clearly do not.

 

My personal boundary and preference is that my boys' hair be clean and brushed. As long as they can take care of it, they can choose how to wear it. I am still allowing, setting a boundary around, that choice even though the boundary is "It's your choice as long as it's clean and neat."

 

I have one former long-haired boy (7) who now likes his hair short. I prefer his long curls, but he does not. I have one who loves his hair a little shaggy and longish (5). The youngest doesn't care, so I choose short hair because it's easier to care for.

 

My oldest daughter (15) colored her hair bright blue last year, for that matter, and she has not descended into tattoos, body piercings, tight clothing, drugs and alcohol, or other "major issues" because she is still expected to adhere to the rules and boundaries we set.

 

Some children simply haven't got a parent setting reasonable boundaries or expectations, and often those children may choose to grow their hair long or dress "Goth" or pierce their bodies. But allowing children a choice, and believing that they have a voice in decisions about their appearance, doesn't mean that a family doesn't have standards and boundaries, either in appearance or behavior. It just means that the boundaries, limitations and expectations are different from yours.

 

Cat

[chaik76]

Except inappropriate self-expression most certainly CAN be harmful. We, as Christians, would not want to go against counsel to be modest and in sound-mind with our dress. At one point when Paul used the phrase soundness of mind, the original Greek word he used denotes being temperate and self-controlled. It implies thinking of oneself soberly, not drawing undue attention. Other Bible translations render this word as “discreetly,” “sensibly,” “refined,” or “with self-restraint.”

 

We also would not want our appearance to be a distraction to others. Repuation of those in the Christian congregation and for God's name DOES matter. And finally, it would be sad if someone lost their life because they couldn't get past a Christian's choice of hairdo of all things! Now some might put that responsibility on the other person but seriously, it's just important to me not to take the chance with other people's lives!

 

And so my son's hair must be neat and respectable as must his dress. There is SO much room for individuality within the confines of "respectable" (including SOME different hair lengths) that I don't think any child is being stifled by living by this standard.

 

This is just my opinion from scripture. I fully respect your right to hold a different opinion.

I think perhaps we have differing views on modesty, as I don't think the things I listed are immodest, but I do respect your opinion to believe they are. Have a great day! (I'm off to help ds7 finish his shield.)

[Pamela H in Texas]

Perhaps the jobs they want are different from the jobs you want.

 

Perhaps they are not. Or perhaps they won't be when they are 45 but can't possibly look presentable.

 

Of course, this is WAY off the topic of hair which can ALWAYS be rehabilitated (differently colored, cut, etc) until one goes bald. But one could NEVER have their ear look presentable after having a coke can in it!

[Kris]

Just wondering what others have to say on the hair issue.

My 13 year old likes the longer shaggy look. As long as it's not over his eyes and it's clean I don't mind to much. My oldest son is ROTC and trims his hair weekly to keep it above the eyebrows and over the ears and he gets it cut every couple of months to clean all the uneven trimmings he does. My dh is from the neat and trimmed camp, not military cut but not shaggy.

 

Do you have standards on your teenage boy and his hair. do you ask that it be kept over the ears, above the collar? Is it a non-issue, however he wants to wear it. Do you allow the long shaggy over the eyes? Don't mind as long as it's clean and combed?

 

The only issue I have with my son's hair is that he sheds and it's all. over. the. place! I've told him as long as he keeps it clean and cleaned UP he can do what he likes. So far, that's worked okay. :D