Family Size

[lots of little ducklings]

I have 5

 

I would love love love more.

 

I wish that I would have started having kids sooner.  That is the biggest regret in my life.  I listened to family that told me I shouldn't have kids until I was 35.  Well I didn't wait that long.   Dh and I were together, so that isn't an reason.   But gosh I wish I would have had them at 22 or 20.  I didn't know how much I would love them and love this part of my life.  I never want it to end.  I want to have a house full of kids forever. 

 

Is 39 to old to have more?  I wrestle with that everyday.

 

I also think about would I want to adopt.  

 

This is me.

 

 

From age 33 to 39, I had five children, and deeply wish I could have more. (I can't -- menopause hit, fast and furious and ugly.) 

 

I adored the baby phase, and (so far!) have loved everything else too.  

[medawyn]

We're expecting number 4 in January.  When she arrives, my kids will be 4 (a month shy of 5), newly 3 and 21 months, and I will be 36.  We're done.  There are many reasons, but the biggest is I don't think I can face another pregnancy, at least not without a break.  Each time it gets a little harder to recover (I was on partial bedrest for unrelated reasons for #s 2 and 3), and I can't imagine that gets easier with age.  I also love, love, love having itty bitty babies, but I don't love toddlers at all, really.  DH is definitely done; he was on the fence about #4, although we're both pleased to be expecting.  I think if I would have been happy with 3, he would have had no problem accepting that.  I pushed for four, and already I can tell that, although I think we'll be fine, I'll be at my limit.

 

I'm a little sad to be done at 4 kids, mostly because I imagined myself as someone who could handle a "big" family.  I don't think of 4 as big.  I can see maybe if I started in my mid 20s instead of early 30s and could have spaced things out a bit, or have taken a few year break and have a little caboose pair at my current age, I would have gone that route.  As it is, I can't wait for this last little girl to join our family.  I'm going to soak up all the wonders of last baby, but I don't think I'm going to mourn passing milestones.  I'm really looking forward to watching my kids grow up, and I'm not sure I could see myself going back to the baby/toddler phase once we're out of it.

Edited October 27, 2017 by medawyn

[MotherGoose]

3 kids. First at 31, last at 40. Baby at 40 was MUCH harder than at 31. The pregnancy part, not the conception part :) dh would like to have more, and so would I, but I cannot do pregnancy again. It was absolute emotional misery for me. And pain, discomfort, you name it, plus third c section where a couple of different t doctors told me my innards were so messed up I shouldn't have more babies. I'm 42. Don't even know if I could get pregnant, but the doctor said If I did at forty I canat forty five so we aren't taking any chances. And this recent copperhead snake bite I have posted about....the venom came up into my belly and amoung all the scar tissue and that pain wasnt fun.

[MotherGoose]

We're expecting number 4 in January. When she arrives, my kids will be 4 (a month shy of 5), newly 3 and 21 months, and I will be 36. We're done. There are many reasons, but the biggest is I don't think I can face another pregnancy, at least not without a break. Each time it gets a little harder to recover (I was on partial bedrest for unrelated reasons for #s 2 and 3), and I can't imagine that gets easier with age. I also love, love, love having itty bitty babies, but I don't love toddlers at all, really. DH is definitely done; he was on the fence about #4, although we're both pleased to be expecting. I think if I would have been happy with 3, he would have had no problem accepting that. I pushed for four, and already I can tell that, although I think we'll be fine, I'll be at my limit.

 

I'm a little sad to be done at 4 kids, mostly because I imagined myself as someone who could handle a "big" family. I don't think of 4 as big. I can see maybe if I started in my mid 20s instead of early 30s and could have spaced things out a bit, or have taken a few year break and have a little caboose pair at my current age, I would have gone that route. As it is, I can't wait for this last little girl to join our family. I'm going to soak up all the wonders of last baby, but I don't think I'm going to mourn passing milestones. I'm really looking forward to watching my kids grow up, and I'm not sure I could see myself going back to the baby/toddler phase once we're out of it.

Well, if you got pg at 36, you can take some time off and try again when you are 38-3940. I know lots of mamas who had babies in their forties.

[rutamattatt]

We have 3 kids - 19, 15, and 13.  I was 29 and 31 when I had our two youngest, and we adopted our oldest when I was 38.  

 

In theory I would be the old lady who lived in the shoe.  I would have a gazillion kids (and probably twice as many dogs).  DH was D-O-N-E after our second baby was born which shocked me.  It took several years for me to get over not having any more babies, but a few years later we ended up on the same page about older child adoption and grew our family that way.

 

At 44 I have to say that as much as I would LOVE a baby, I think pregnancy and sleep deprivation would overwhelm me at this point.  I know lots of other ladies my age who could do it with grace and energy, but sadly I am not that girl.  

 

Right now I can say we are done having children.  We have a child who will never live totally independently and that is the major deciding factor. 

[Pronghorn]

I have one child, adopted when I was 41, now a teenager. I would have liked two, but parenting a little kid with emotional issues was really intense. And a second adopted child might be just as needy. I did not want to ever get in a situation of having to choose between two needy children. Plus this child has turned out to be as musician, and raising musicians is costly. So, having just one is probably the best thing for my child..

[hollyhock]

I have 5.

 

We are not having more. We were done after 4 and 5 was a surprise, plus I began having fertility issues after she was born.

 

My cut off age was 30, which seems young, but I had my oldest at 19 so that's 11 years of babies. Lucky for me, surprise #5 was born a few months before my 31st birthday.

 

My advice would be to not plan too far ahead. You never know what will happen. For me, I had a lot of health issues after my 5th that I wasn't anticipating, and that totally changed my outlook on family size. Also, it's hard to anticipate how much work one more will be, or how overwhelmed you might feel - a lesson I had to learn.

 

So just enjoy that newborn when it arrives and give yourself lots of time to think about it.

[Crimson Wife]

We have 3 and I always wanted 4. But then #3 had multiple disabilities so I felt after her 2nd diagnosis in 2015 that we were done (I was 38 then). DH was disappointed I felt that way but understood my reasoning.

 

Then at the end of August we found out that the developmental and learning disabilities are due to a fluke spontaneous mutation and that any future bio kids we might have would be at no higher risk than the general population. So now DH really, really, REALLY wants a 4th.

 

I have gone off birth control but the fertility testing shows my ovarian reserve is horrible. We're trying but the odds are not good. The gynecologist told me this morning that I need to make an appointment with a fertility clinic ASAP and not in 2-3 cycles. :( I'm not willing to spend big bucks and a lot of effort on IVF but I'd consider something like IUI. Not sure that another baby is in the cards for me, but I am willing to give it a reasonable shot. 

[HS Mom in NC]

3

I'm 44, husband is 50. Two year gap between the bio kids and 7 year gap between middle and youngest who was adopted. We started when I was 20 and I wanted to be done by 30.
 

It took us 12 years, 3 miscarriages, one life-threatening pregnancy, secondary fertility issues, and one international adoption to get our 3. Before youngest arrived I wanted one more after her, but between her difficult transition and then later mental health issues with my husband and oldest, we were done.  Age cut off for Korean adoption is the process completed by the time oldest parent is 43.

When we got engaged I knew I wanted at least 2 but wouldn't agree to more.  I told my husband we would see after the second was born.  He really wanted 4 or 5, but I told him straight out that if it was going to be an issue, he could marry someone else; I wasn't going to have it be an issue if I decided to stick with 2. We were in agreement when it all played out in real life.

[sangtarah]

How many kids do you have? 4

 

Do you plan on more? Nope, but plans change 😉

 

How old do you feel is YOUR cutoff age for babies? Now - 37.

 

I had my first at 25. Parenting was a total shock to me, and I loved every minute. At the same time, I was sure I couldn’t do more than one baby at a time. So we had #2 when I was 28. Life that year was hard, dh was overseas, we moved, I had ppd. So we waited again, but the next pregnancy was an early miscarriage, as the one after that. We figured we’d be done. God had other plans, and #3 came when I was 33. I savored every moment! And now, at 37, I have the distinct honor and pleasure of savoring all the little moments again.

 

With that being said, it is much more taxing on my body to be up all night with a fussy baby, especially knowing that the next day will be filled with little people who need me, (and can’t watch cartoons all day) because learning still has to happen. If we were to have another one, I’d be 39 or older (my cycles don’t return while breastfeeding), and I feel a bit like that may be unfair to the ones I have now. I love babies, but the time and energy would not leave much of me to go around. Plus, dh feels done, and it’s a joint effort!

 

I wish I had started earlier, though. I was married at 21. I listened to my parents, who encouraged us to wait for a few years after marriage. I don’t think that advice is good for everyone.

[emmaluv+2more]

I have 4.  If I weren't divorced I would absolutely have more.

 

I have no idea what I would consider my personal age cut off, but since I'm almost 40 and not even dating I doubt I will have to worry about it.

[lovinmyboys]

I have 4 and wanted to have them all by 30 which I did. I’m now 35 and think 30 was a little young for the cutoff.

 

I do think 4 is right for our family, but I am really jealous of people who are able to have a larger number be right for them!

[Seeking Squirrels]

I have 2. I wanted 3-4. I cannot have more. I want to adopt. It has always been our plan to adopt. DH was on board with adoption before we married and up to when youngest was a couple years old. Now he says no. :( 

 

I'm definitely in the minority amongst fellow homeschoolers in my state. Most families in our co-op have 5-7 kids. Some have more. The ones with less have very young children, so for most (if not all) it is because they are still building that they don't have large families. To have only two ages 9 & 5 is not the norm here in general, but especially in the homeschool community. 

[LindaOz]

I have 8. I had my last two at ages 44 and 46.

[rebbyribs]

I have 6, ages 10, 8, 8, 5, 4 and 1. I'm 39. DH and I both talked about having a big family but didn't realize until a few years ago that we had different ideas of what that meant.  I thought 4 kids was big (and it is more than the vast majority of families I know IRL), and he was thinking more like 8.  So 6 is maybe a good compromise?  I don't know - I feel really overwhelmed with taking care of everybody, and DH is disappointed that I'm not ready for more.  I haven't taken any permanent measures, so maybe... but I really have to figure out how to do things better first.  There just doesn't seem to be enough of me to go around, and DS4 and DS5 are not getting enough attention.

 

I don't think I have a cut-off age for having more. Obviously, my fertility will give out at some point.

[Loesje22000]

We have 1,

 

I would have liked more for a very long time.

It didn't happen.

 

Now homeschooling almost has been done, DH is around 53, I am trying to accept this our family size.

[Carrie12345]

Being that I'm pregnant with #4 this is on my mind a lot.

 

My questions for you

 

How many kids do you have?

 

Do you plan on more?

 

How old do you feel is YOUR cutoff age for babies?

 

For me we have 3 and 1 on the way. They will be newborn, 2, 5 and 6.

 

I want at least 1 maybe 2 more, BUT I'm taking a break to focus on the babies I have for a while. I suck at multitasking, I don't want to spread myself so thin no one gets attention. We do ok financially, but I like to be able to afford extras for the kids. We need to work on moving to a bigger house. I don't want our family to be so big it makes us broke.

 

So, I know a lot of older moms, so I have a positive view of being an older mom. I will be turning 32 right after the baby is born, so I'm thinking if I wait until I'm maybe 38ish I could fit 1 more in before I run out of eggs. I don't think I would be crushed if I couldn't conceive at this age, no fertility treatments or anything, just see what happens. I love littles, but I have a house full of them right now. I think it would be nice to have 1 small one to focus on when these 4 are more independent. I don't know. I also would prefer to keep the nest full for a bit longer. The thought of my house without kids makes me sad. Also, I hate being pregnant so much I need a break. Also, I have had to wean 3, I want this guy or girl to self wean. It breaks my heart.

 

I also don't have a percise cutoff. I know moms between 36-45 that have done great, so I just want 1 or 2 more in my late 30s-early 40s if at all possible, if not ok. So, I guess as long as I am fertile. I do feel 6 is my top number. We shall see.

 

I have 5, born when when I was 21, 25, 26, 30, and 33.  I'm now 40.

 

My original plan was to be done before I hit 30, but #4 decided to come 2 weeks late and 3 days after my birthday, so there went that.  :lol:

I 100% do not plan on physically making any more, but I fully admit to crushing on babies lately.  I am open to the possibility of raising more kids in the future, but it's nowhere near an official plan. And it wouldn't happen until my current teenagers are out of the house, because THEY'RE the ones that exhaust me!!!  Rocking a cranky baby and changing diapers all day sounds blissful, lol. (Of course, the other two would be tweens/teens at that point.)

 

I suspect that my fertility is just fine. It's always been overzealous. That's why we had dh's taken care of.  I'm done on that side of the equation.

[Elizabeth86]

I noticed a few of you mentioned you had wished you had started sooner. Me too. I don't think I'll ever give anyone the advice to wait. ir any reproductive advice that matter.

[mom@shiloh]

It's important to keep in mind that the way things are now is not necessarily the way things are going to stay.  I wish I would have had that advice earlier on.

 

My story -- I wanted a dozen kids and told my dh so before we were married.  Between the ages of 20-28, I gave birth to five and lost three to early miscarriages.  (And we were using birth control in between!)  We were tired and overwhelmed and struggling financially, so we made a permanent decision.  More advice -- don't make permanent decisions based on temporary circumstances.  

 

Several years down the road, we decided to reverse our 'permanent' decision to no avail.  Our story gets a happy ending though since we had also always wanted to adopt, but weren't sure if we'd be able to pull it off either logistically or financially.  We ended up adopting five more children, so we didn't quite make it to the dozen that I wanted in the beginning, but I was happy to concede that point

 

My youngest was born when I was 45.  Obviously I didn't have to deal with pregnancies at a later age.  However, my dh and I are in our upper 50's and have a house full of teens.  We're loving it and are so thankful for them.  

[Guest]

I have three living kids. I had one baby girl who died in labor. When my youngest child was born, I was 34; DH was 42. I wanted to have or foster/adopt a few more kids. I had envisioned having six kids. DH did not want to do anything like this. He felt too old, too hurt by our tragedy, too tired to go through anything difficult. I continued to wish for an “accident†or adoption until I was 43.

 

Then, honestly, it was just like someone unplugged the baby factory main power cable. I abruptly no longer wanted that AT ALL and I was and am happy/relieved I donâ€t have little toddlers and preschoolers now (I am now 46). Just a few years ago, I was envious of my friends who got these caboose babies. Now, I think how relieved I am I don’t have little kids to raise. The finish line is in sight and I am glad.

 

Also, I have to say it was easy to ignore the financial realities of older kids when that was still a vague idea in the future. College, orthodontics, vehicle/ becoming a licensed and insured driver, any sort of special training or hobby (music, robotics, sports) - it was easy to think we would just figure something out/go through inexpensive means/expect the kids to finance their own things when they were little; once they actually arrived at those (expensive) doors, I was glad we could pay for or significantly contribute to those expenses. So that is another reason I am glad we only have three and not the six or seven I used to wish for.

[ktgrok]

 

 

Is 39 to old to have more?  I wrestle with that everyday.

 

I also think about would I want to adopt.  

 

Well, I got pregnant with my last at 39, so no! I did takes supplements first that are shown to reduce chromosomal abnormalities and increase healthy egg production. 

[ktgrok]

.

 

I have gone off birth control but the fertility testing shows my ovarian reserve is horrible. We're trying but the odds are not good. The gynecologist told me this morning that I need to make an appointment with a fertility clinic ASAP and not in 2-3 cycles. :( I'm not willing to spend big bucks and a lot of effort on IVF but I'd consider something like IUI. Not sure that another baby is in the cards for me, but I am willing to give it a reasonable shot. 

 

Google for studies on DHEA and ovarian reserve. It's used by several fertility clinics, but not all. It returns the ovarian environment to a younger, healthier state. You need to be on it for a few months though as eggs take several months to mature. 

SaveSave

[ErinE]

I have four and they came in pairs like a prior poster said. Two with a 3.5 year age gap, seven years, then two with a 15-month gap. I had my last when I was 37 and my body was done. I loved having children, but I felt terrible being pregnant. Feeling the baby move was the only benefit - I could spend hours just feeling my baby shift beneath my belly, even when it hurt.

 

I'm done. Even after two surgeries to fix the issue, I spend most of my day in bed or on the couch because it hurts so much to be upright. I couldn't have more children even if I wanted them. I'm okay with that. All my children are a joy, even when they're being terrors. Beyond my love for them, I love seeing their love for each other.

[Splash]

How many kids do you have? 5 

 

They are now 22b, 20b, 18g, 16g, and 11b.   Don't they look evenly spaced,  gap actually is 2yrs 9months, 18 months, 2 yrs 2 months and 4 yrs 8 months. We originally thought we'd like 4-5 kids.  Then when adopting #5 we thought we'd do six so he wouldn't be alone at the bottom but after he came I truly felt we were done.  Financially, physically and emotionally I couldn't do more.  Until #5 came along I didn't think I'd ever feel done so it really surprised me.  I will say that I had/have pretty high needs kids with a lot of learning and health challenges and it was/is a lot.  Wouldn't trade them for anything but was pretty consuming.

Do you plan on more? No I'm 53  and finally taking some time for myself this year to get healthy and in shape after five years of constant stress for various reasons.

How old do you feel is YOUR cutoff age for babies? Originally it was 36 but then we changed our minds.  I'm 41 yrs older than my youngest.  I will say though all my kids were adopted so I didn't go through pregnancy at that age. 

Edited October 27, 2017 by Splash

[ktgrok]

I have 4. First was born when I was 23, last was born just shy of my 41st birthday. We don't plan on more, but honestly I didn't think DH was on board for more after number 3. He changed his mind. Kids are 18 (previous marriage), 7, 5, and 7 months. I am okay with this being it, and my body is probably happy with that idea (rectocele is worse) but I do find myself wishing that the baby would get a sibling close to her age...the 7 and 5 year old are such good friends and I hate that she won't have that close in age sibling friend. But..she is doted on by the others so it isn't like she will be lonely, right? 

 

I love babies. LOVE LOVE LOVE them. Honestly, the only stage I really dislike is the 9 months to 18 months stage when they are super mobile but totally unable to reason logically. My children seem to have a death wish during that time period and it is exhausting making sure they don't destroy themselves. By 2 yrs old it's all good again. Ok, and 12 yr olds are kind of jerks, lol. But generally i LOVE LOVE LOVE Having lots of kids and wish I had more..but really I wish I could go back in time and fill in that 10 year gap. Adding more now, on the other hand...I don't know. 

 

I'm not on birth control (nursing). I will not do anything permanent. I like babies too much, and I'm Catholic, lol. DH is using condoms, and a few times has talked about a vasectomy, but oddly he has not brought it up lately. I won't stop him, but I'm not encouraging him either. 

 

Weirdest thing? As old as I am, I'm finding this baby the easiest so far. I think because I know it will pass so quickly, so I just do what works. Which means yeah, I end up cosleeping on the pull out couch in the other room, but i'm sleeping! I'm fairly rested, and any blame on lack of sleep goes to watching TV and talking to DH too late, not the baby. And I have all these other kids to help me...one can watch her while I pee or shower, or go grab me a toy, or feed the dogs while i sit and nurse the little one, etc etc. 

 

Damn..now I want another one. 

 

Oh, and I appear to still be fertile, I got pregnant on the first try last time and am cycling again. Had lots of egg white mucous this cycle, and am due for my period in a few days. 

[elegantlion]

How many kids? One.

Do you plan on more? No way.

What was your cut off age? 30, which is when I had him.

 

 

 

These are my stats too. I never wanted more than one, neither did exdh. I had complications in the delivery because of a previous surgery and the doctor recommended that I not try to carry more children, I was relieved. 

 

Ds is 20 now, and I'm still glad we only one. Ds enjoys being an only child. 

[DawnM]

We have 3.  I didn't start having kids until a month before my 32nd birthday, so I started later.  My kids were born when I was 31, 33, and 37.   

 

I am done.  Three boys.  I am not anti-large family, but I knew I could handle 4 at the most.  3 ended up being our perfect number for us.  I feel like we can still help them financially (with college and such), and still be within our means. And I had a special needs child.  That impacted us greatly.  He felt like 3 kids all by himself sometimes.

[TheReader]

Answering your questions...

 

I have 3 kids, all were preemies with NICU time before coming home.

 

I do not plan on any more, because of the above NICU time. Earlier each time, NICU stays from 1 extra day to 7 weeks, totally healthy physically but developmental delays for one.....we spent his first two years with weekly in-home therapy (and many later years with weekly out-of-the-home therapy).....I don't have it in me to go through that again. 

 

Also, dh always claimed 3 was the limit, because more than that puts you over "regular car size" for things like rental cars, being ride all in one (mini-van) taxi, etc. But mainly the NICU thing. No known cause as to why the babies kept being early, therefore no known treatment or thing to do to help prevent them coming early, and we just couldn't. 

 

Because of all of the above, I don't really have an age cut-off.....we were 31 when the youngest was born, but I know lots for whom that's closer to their age with their first. I surely wouldn't want to be having another one now, at 42, but again....life stages. That's more to do with where we are with the other kids (20, 16 and 12...I need to update my signature) and the fact I wouldn't want to start over now. If my older kids were still littler kids, it might not feel like such a big deal to have another at this age.  Although, I do know our 4 yr old niece wears.us.out. Big Time. That girl is non-stop energy, and I'm so glad we only ever have her for short periods. But, again on that, could be from my age/our age, or could be from lack of practice. It's been a long time since my littlest was that little and energetic. 

 

 

[Garga]

I have two. I was the crazy woman who, as soon as my first son was born, thought to myself, "I can't wait to do that again!" I had a great birthing experience. I'm a Christian, but never had a "born again" moment. Giving birth was like a born again moment. I knew that I was fundamentally different on the inside. Those 8 hours of labor and birth changed me forever, and it didn't wear off. I'm different now.

 

Then I had my second, and the experience was just as good as the first, but my thought was, "Never again." This time, it was a good experience, but I was done with the pain. Never again would I willingly go through that much pain.

 

I am very happy with just the two. The only time I wish I had more is when I consider the empty nest. I would like to put that day off until later...yet I know I don't really want the responsibility of having more kids (schooling them, raising them, working through their emotional development.).

 

I'm 44 and went on a roller coaster this summer. It affected me physically in a way roller coasters never had before and I had to face the fact that my body is getting weaker. I don't 'know how to describe it, but I could tell that it's just getting older. I felt shaken after the roller coaster instead of exhilarated, which is how it used to be. I could just tell that the stress of it on me was different now and I thought to myself that pregnancy would be very, very hard on me physically now.

 

If I had wanted more than two, I'd have tried to have the rest of the kids by 37 (my youngest was born when I was 32.)

Edited October 27, 2017 by Garga

[lavender's green]

I had my kids at 24, 26, and 28. I'm 30 now. I am so glad I had them young. Pregnancies just get tougher and tougher. My last was my easiest pregnancy, yet between my age and the cumulative effects of the pregnancies (plus having others to care for!), I felt it the most, and it took longer to recover from. If that makes any sense.

 

I'd love at least one more, maybe two more. But after a break. This is the first time since my oldest was born (he's an Aspie, btw, and might have another diagnosis as well...we'll find out in a few weeks) that I don't feel spread too thin. I finally feel like I can recover and get things in order, in every sense.

 

I don't have a magic cut-off age, but just crunching the numbers...if I have a baby at 40, my oldest will be 16. I think that sounds okay, but I wouldn't want much more of a spread than that. And I'd kind of like to be done sooner and hopefully enjoy a few empty nest years with DH before our health declines or we feel obliged to help out with elderly relatives. Our parents had us young, so it'll be a while before they're really elderly.

 

I honestly feel bitter about how my last postpartum time went. I had an undiagnosed Aspie 4 year old, a 2 year old, a colicky baby, a c-section, and no help after 3 or 4 weeks postpartum. My scar kept splitting open from over-exertion, but oh well, someone has to lean over to the backseat to buckle the kids in to get to thrice-weekly appointments, and someone has to chase the escape artist toddler at these appointments, while breastfeeding. Someone has to go up and down the stairs all day, tending to everyone's needs. Once my kids had a minor bike accident. Someone has to lift 80 pounds in order to free them. I'm bitter about how quickly my fertility returns, even though I breastfeed around the clock. Fertility hormones plus nursing hormones make me a crazy lady. I'm bitter that my body tenaciously clung to the pregnancy weight this time around (I spent 18 months at about the same weight as I was at 9 months pregnant with my first)...I'm sure that'll only get worse with future babies. I'm bitter about unhelpful/harmful comments and actions from people who should have known better. Now that I'm feeling better and have more distance and clarity about things I'm finally processing all of this very real hurt. There also were a couple of bad situations going on and now I can look back and recognize them as such, and leave.

 

But even with all that, I don't feel quite done. I just think it would be nice if the older kids were all capable of getting their own snacks, wiping their own bottoms, and more or less sleeping through the night, first. It would be awesome if they could hold the baby while I nip off to the restroom or take a shower, too.

 

[TravelingChris]

I have three.  No, I am past the age of having any more.  My personal cut-off was around 35 or so.  My mom had me at 41 and my sister at 44.  My dad was 50 and 53.  My dad died when I was 13 from a heart attack and my mom died when I was 23. I didn't want my kids to have me die when they weren't fully adults yet. 

[mommyoffive]

Well, I got pregnant with my last at 39, so no! I did takes supplements first that are shown to reduce chromosomal abnormalities and increase healthy egg production. 

 

Which ones?

 

CoQ10 and DHEA?

[ktgrok]

Which ones?

 

CoQ10 and DHEA?

Yes. I took 25mg DHEA 3 times a day and 200 mg coq10 2 times a day.

[mommyoffive]

Yes. I took 25mg DHEA 3 times a day and 200 mg coq10 2 times a day.

 

Is it better to do it at different times a day than just one pill?

[ktgrok]

Is it better to do it at different times a day than just one pill?

I honestly don't remember why I did it that way, I think it was to prevent side effects? Like upset stomach? I honestly don't remember. But I think it's normal to do it split up like that.

[Raifta]

We have two and we started late (I was 33 and 35 at time of birth).  We considered a third but we left that up to chance for quite a few years, and when chance didn't happen, and DS got older (5), we decided that we were done. 

 

Part of the reason for deciding we were done when I was 40 was that I had always hoped that if we had third, we would have a fourth (the first two are very close in age and there would have been a 5 year age gap at that point between the second and third) and I didn't relish having one at 40/41 and the next at 42/43.  I did wistfully think that twins would have been the perfect solution to my problem but you can't plan that!

 

In the last two years I have definitely realized that I am done with having babies myself (45 now).  Strangely DH has been nattering on about how much he wishes we'd had a third lately, even though he was much more on the fence than I was initially.  But that's not really on the table.

 

Part of me wishes we'd started earlier but part of me is really happy we waited until we both had good jobs, had paid off the house and were financially secure and we could afford to have be work part time or not at all and stay home with the kids.

[ashfern]

I have 5 kids. We thought that we were done with #4. Then #5 came along.  :smilielol5: I turned 42 a couple weeks after he was born. My last pregnancy wasn't any worse physically than the others. I don't know that I would want to go through it again. I love on my younger friends babies now.

[skimomma]

I have one and we are done.  We did not have a set plan for number of children or age cut-off in mind but an only was not on our radar.  I was 28 when she was born.  Within a year of her birth, we both just felt like our family was the perfect size and eventually took permanent measures to keep it that way.

 

Looking back, I have no idea what prompted us to be done at one.  I had an easy pregnancy and labor.  Dd was a happy, easy baby.  She did not sleep though, and that was one factor.  Now that dd is a teen (who STILL struggles with severe insomnia), I am very very glad she is an only.  There was no way to anticipate just how expensive kids get as they grow up.  And the teen girl drama is amazing.  Our finances and nerves are stretched to the limit now.  I am now learning that my tolerance for chaos, exhaustion, and stress is abnormally low compared to most mothers.  

[friscomom]

We have two kids and that's it for us.

Early to mid-30's would be my personal cutoff for having kids just so that I am at peak energy levels while taking care of the newborns and older kids.

My husband and I feel that with the two, its easier for us as regards to finances, stress levels, extra curriculars, being able to lavish enough time and attention on both.

 

[Guest]

We have three, which is just what we wanted. We had originally thought about having four, but decided that three was the perfect number as far as having enough time, money, and energy for each child. I had my youngest when I was 33 (I'm 48 now).

 

Today I saw someone I know who just had a surprise baby in her 40's (her other kids are late teens/young adults). All I could think was oh man, am I ever glad that's not me. The thought of having a little one at this point in my life is just exhausting!

This was the thought I had when my friend told me she was pregnant with a late surprise. It was like an abrupt turning point for me, because I knew several other moms who had last-minute babies beyond 40 and I had previously always thought, “oh, why can’t that be me?†But this was the first time my immediate thought (NO I didn’t say so!) was, “No way can that happen to me now!†Even now I look at these dear ladies with their toddlers and preschoolers along with college and high schoolers and again I think, “Oh my goodness, NO!â€

 

I will never say anything negative to someone who, by design or by happenstance, has a baby after 40; I do stiill believe children are a precious gift. But I also would not urge someone to have a baby much past late thirties. It poses its problems and I am really glad I don’t have those problems to solve.

[Junie]

We have 6 kids.

 

Dh and I both have a religious conviction that it is not our place to choose the size of our family.  So I don't know if I'm done yet, but the youngest is 7 so maybe?

 

I'm old and tired and I don't want to start with a baby again; but, if God gives us another one He will provide a way to take care of him/her.  I truly believe that.

 

If I *had* chosen when to have babies, ds17, dd9, and dd7 would not be here.

 

I was one year away from paying off my student loans.  I quit working when ds17 was born.  I wouldn't have chosen to have a baby yet.

 

After dd11 was born, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis.  Daily living was pretty hard for a while.  I would have chosen to be done.

 

 

[marbel]

I have two, and would have liked more. But biology was against me.  I had my first at 41, my 2nd at 42 (almost 43).   And then poof! early menopause.  I probably wouldn't have tried for another at 44, though I have known loads of women who had large families and had kids in their mid to late 40s.

[Crimson Wife]

I noticed a few of you mentioned you had wished you had started sooner. Me too. I don't think I'll ever give anyone the advice to wait. ir any reproductive advice that matter.

 

I think I started at the right age (got pregnant with #1 right after my 25th birthday) but wish that I had known sooner that while #3's disabilities are genetic, they're not inherited.

 

I was naive in thinking that my fertility would still be fine at 40 because I'd already had 3 kids and women in my family had gotten pregnant naturally in their 40's (including one who got pregnant at 48, though that ended in a m/c). I knew all the scary statistics but stupidly chalked that up to being women trying to get pregnant for the FIRST time at 40.

[Spryte]

3. Ranging from 26 - 6. 26 years with always a child or two in the home, and now even the 26 yr old is back in the house. And a few foster kids in there, too. My babies were high needs, and still are not good sleepers. The long gap between each is partly due to sleep deprivation, and needing extra time to recover. :) I love babies, and so does DH, but we're done. I love teens, I love having a house full of kids and friends, and we have many guests daily. It's enough.

 

Our youngest arrived when we were 39 and 40. We are still an approved foster family, but we are putting that on hold at the moment - I just have enough on my plate. Health issues, DS's health issues, boomerang adult child, elder parent care.

[Bluegoat]

I have four kids.  I'm 41, the kids are 12, 9, 7, and 1.  #4 was a bit of a surprise.

 

I'll not be having any more - all four were c-sections and the health implications aren't great, and I've been having some joint issues which ay get worse.

 

That said, I've really enjoyed having the baby with my other kids older - it's totally different and I feel like I've had a chance to luxuriate in it a bit.  The kids also seem to be getting a lot out of it.

[Crimson Wife]

This was the thought I had when my friend told me she was pregnant with a late surprise. It was like an abrupt turning point for me, because I knew several other moms who had last-minute babies beyond 40 and I had previously always thought, “oh, why can’t that be me?†But this was the first time my immediate thought (NO I didn’t say so!) was, “No way can that happen to me now!†Even now I look at these dear ladies with their toddlers and preschoolers along with college and high schoolers and again I think, “Oh my goodness, NO!â€

 

I will never say anything negative to someone who, by design or by happenstance, has a baby after 40; I do stiill believe children are a precious gift. But I also would not urge someone to have a baby much past late thirties. It poses its problems and I am really glad I don’t have those problems to solve.

 

I am fortunate to have longevity in my genes. My dad was born when my grandma was 40 and he was 59 when she passed. My grandma lived to see all her grandkids graduate from college and the birth of 5 great-grandkids. She was relatively healthy and active until the last few years of her life. I can remember her getting down on the floor at age 95 to play with my oldest as a toddler :D

 

She was the longest-lived of her siblings but of the ones who survived childhood (sadly back in the day before antibiotics and vaccines several didn't), they all made it into their mid eighties to mid nineties.

 

My maternal grandma lived to be 89 and see all her grandkids graduate from high school and all but my youngest brother graduate from college. She saw the birth of 3 great-grandkids.

 

There are no guarantees, but I'm optimistic that if I do wind up having a baby at 41 or 42, I'd live to see him/her middle-aged.

 

[Hypatia.]

We have 7 kids. #7 was just born 2 weeks ago, I'm 42. We're not planning on anymore, but weren't exactly planning on 5, 6, or 7 either. I'd say I'm about 98% sure we're done. I'll probably be 43 by the time my fertility returns, based on my history, and I don't think I want to go through another pregnancy at 44-45.

[mommyoffive]

There usually is a trade-off between having lots of children and being able to do/have things for them. Perhaps I should say there's a definite trade-off in my family. Finances are a very big concern for me. College costs are a huge worry - I can't save enough for even one of them to attend, let alone six. Physically, having my youngest when I did took a huge toll on my health. Huge. And I was very healthy up until then.

 

I'm probably being a real downer; I'm sorry. I've been smacked upside the head with some rather unpleasant realizations over the past week and I'm still dealing with them.

 

 

I agree with this unless you have tons of money.  

 

 

But I think there are pros and cons to both sides.  Things are harder, more expensive so you cut those out.   

But having a lot of siblings is a gift in itself.   Some things they miss out on, but they get other things too. 

[FaithManor]

We have four. Our youngest is 17, and I never was a baby person. I loved my own babies, but have no desire for babies, do not get sentimental about them. My health was not good after our third, and despite two forms of birth control while waiting for surgery, ended up pregnant with our last. I barely survived the pregnancy. Very grateful to have him, but there is literally no way for me to have another and not end up dead.

 

Had that not been the case, I would have been quite done anyway because babies exhaust me. I love late elementary - the teen years so if it would have been possible to just water them, and have them half grown a few weeks after having them, then YAY! LOL

 

No matter what, I would not have been willing to have children past 38. 

 

Given what happened during the pregnancies and the residual side effects, I have no confidence that I'll see my youngest attain middle age. I would imagine I'll be gone by the time he is 35. 

[HS Mom in NC]

I noticed a few of you mentioned you had wished you had started sooner. Me too. I don't think I'll ever give anyone the advice to wait. ir any reproductive advice that matter.

 

I think our culture is so focused on avoiding unwanted pregnancies, which is a good thing, that we forget to point out that fertility is limited for everyone, and more so for a percentage of the population who doesn't know they have underlying fertility issues they won't be aware of until they start trying to have a baby.  When people face infertility issues they seem to be so shocked it's happening to them. I think emphasizing both is important.

 

 I'm so so so glad we started when I was 20 and husband was 26. If we had waited later the natural decrease in fertility added to the challenges we already had would've likely meant not being able to have kid 3 and possibly kid 2 in our situation.  Whew!  I feel like we dodged a bullet by focusing on having children during my peak childbearing years.  12 years to get 3 kids during peak fertility years ( I've had both fertility issues and secondary fertility issues then) would've been exacerbated by waiting until I was older. That doesn't mean I advocate having babies in unstable situations, but humble beginnings are perfectly valid.

 

And adoption is harder now than it was. Fewer international options exist aren't good fits for everyone.  Fostadopt can be a real challenge and isn't a good fir for everyone.    Children available for private adoption at birth aren't for everyone and are far fewer with single parenthood, the widespread use of contraception, and abortion as options. I'm always surprised at how the typical person thinks there are reserves of kids available for adoption any time someone wants.