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would your family be shocked if they knew you online?

CalicoKat
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3lilreds in NC

3lilreds in NC

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I'm pretty sure I'm the same online. It wouldn't occur to me to be anyone else. What fun is that? I'm pretty fabulous as it is. :smilielol5: You know I'm kidding. The truth is I don't have enough brain power left over to make anything up. I'm proud to be WYSIWYG. :D

 

ETA: At least here, I'm probably more tactful because I have time to think about what I type before posting. I tend to suffer from "Foot in mouth" disease IRL.

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Melinda in VT

Melinda in VT

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Maybe.

 

Since I left the religion in which I was raised (and to which almost all of my family still belongs), I do not often discuss politics or religion with my family. We know there are differences, but we don't really explore the extent of those differences. So they might be surprised if they read some of my online posts. The surprise might be strong enough for shock.

 

On the other hand, I think my online personality is the same as my IRL personality, for the most part.

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dirty ethel rackham

dirty ethel rackham

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Maybe. I am much more reserved with my siblings and parents than I am here, but that is because I grew up with lots of ridicule. I don't openly express opinions or beliefs because they will get shot down. We have learned that to get along, we must be very superficial (or at least the peacemakers are superficial - the trouble makers say their piece and the rest of us smile sweetly as we bite our tongues.)

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TravelingChris

TravelingChris

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I am completely the same. My family wouldn't be surprised. Some others might be a bit surprised but that is from their assumptions and not from my behavior. If they have misconceptions that people who watch R rated movies or something like that can't be conservative Christians, then I guess they would be surprised. Not my family nor my friends.

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beansprouts

beansprouts

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Maybe. I am much more reserved with my siblings and parents than I am here, but that is because I grew up with lots of ridicule. I don't openly express opinions or beliefs because they will get shot down. We have learned that to get along, we must be very superficial (or at least the peacemakers are superficial - the trouble makers say their piece and the rest of us smile sweetly as we bite our tongues.)

 

It is like that with my family also. I tend to avoid contact because it is far too difficult, stressful, and exhausting for me to pretend.

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Saille

Saille

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I *think* I'm the same both places. I'm probably a bit more reserved on my blog, because my grandparents have read it, and however proactive I feel about being a pagan UU and supporting some political causes they'd find unpopular, I see no real need to worry the elderly, who are never going to agree with me about my choices...I'm on the fence about that, though. There are times when I need the outlet, but I'm not going to run two blogs. I can't keep up with that.

 

My mom, on the other hand, seems to simultaneously read my blog and wipe whatever she doesn't like right out of her memory, a skill she's been perfecting all my life. So, periodically she'll read something and act like it's totally new information, even if it's something that's been consistently true for, oh, almost two decades. Most recently, she googled "Samhain", and called my sister freaking out because it's a pagan holiday. My sister called and told me, although I've expressly told her I would prefer she not do so and will only respond to mom if she comes to me directly. My mom then called me and chatted cheerfully with me for two. straight. hours. about literally everything under the sun...and never brought it up.

 

My family is kind of nuts.

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amyable

amyable

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I wouldn't say I'm *different* online than off, but I definite talk about things on my blog that I wouldn't just say to my family (esp. my parents). My blog is often my place to sort out my mental sludge, LOL, and I tend to whine about how hard things are. To my parents I must keep up the appearances that everything is OK, or I will never hear the end of it. I also have an adoption blog (I'm an adoptee so it's my feelings on that) that I would hate for them to see. :tongue_smilie:

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laughing lioness

laughing lioness

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Well, I do feel more confident in expressing unpopular opinions on my blog. A certain couple of unnamed family members were angry about a couple of my posts and sent me email flames. That o.k. with me.

It's been nice to express what I believe instead of always playing by their rules of nodding agreement to what I consider cr*p. (If you verbally disagree they will get real nasty - hate to have the kiddos see that.

Generally what you see is what you get.

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Christy B

Christy B

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Well, that's a good question.

 

Some of my friends might be shocked, but as someone else mentioned -- it would be because of assumptions and misconceptions. My *close* IRL friends would not be shocked. I don't think anything I say or do shocks them. I hope nothing I say or do disappoints them.

 

Do I have a different online persona? Hm. There is definitely a side of me that I only feel comfortable sharing in certain settings, where I feel comfortable, accepted, and can trust that people with "get it" without me having to constantly explain and add disclaimers.

 

There are definitely things about being adopted that I do NOT talk about IRL, so I can relate to the other person who mentioned that.

 

I don't feel like I'm being deceitful or dishonest, although I do express things in certain settings online that I simply choose not to express among IRL friends and relatives. I do try to conduct my online conversation with the knowledge that *nothing* on the internet is a secret, and I try very hard to not write or post anything that would dishonor God or disappoint my mom. ;) I'm sure I fail miserably at both at times, but that's my goal.

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Julie in CA

Julie in CA

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I'm more confident and self-assured here than irl. More "myself" than irl, though I realize that doesn't make much sense. Bear with me for a moment while I explain, ok?

 

I like to keep this big floppy hat that I wore on a special vacation on my bedside lamp. It filters the light for my late-night reading *and* makes me smile every time I look at it, because of the memories I have tied to it. The family I married into totally disapproves of this because "hats don't really belong on lamps."

 

I've decided to leave it on the lamp. Keeping my hat somewhere that isn't the traditional storage place has earned me a teeny tiny bit of disapproval from my dh's family (with whom we're very close in proximity and have constant daily contact), but I've *finally* grown a backbone and decided that that's who I am, so I'm leaving the hat. It's taken me 20 years to get to that point--of being more "authentically me", but it's still really really difficult for me.

 

Here, I toss my big floppy hat on the lamp with abandon, and I just *know* that there are people here who will not only accept that I've done that, but will smile along with me because they understand how I feel, and maybe have their own big floppy hat on their bedpost, just 'cause it makes them smile.

 

Y'all give me permission to be more "authentically me" every single day, and I really do mean it when I say that the WTM boards have affected my life in positive ways that go *way* beyond selecting just the right curriculum.

 

I guess this has morphed into a "thank you" for being here, and for allowing me to express myself on these boards with wild abandon. :tongue_smilie:

 

So yes, I'm different here than irl (in a good way, I think), but I'm hoping even more of the "here" will seep out into that real life.

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elegantlion

elegantlion

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I'm more confident and self-assured here than irl. More "myself" than irl, though I realize that doesn't make much sense. Bear with me for a moment while I explain, ok?

 

I like to keep this big floppy hat that I wore on a special vacation on my bedside lamp. It filters the light for my late-night reading *and* makes me smile every time I look at it, because of the memories I have tied to it. The family I married into totally disapproves of this because "hats don't really belong on lamps."

 

I've decided to leave it on the lamp. Keeping my hat somewhere that isn't the traditional storage place has earned me a teeny tiny bit of disapproval from my dh's family (with whom we're very close in proximity and have constant daily contact), but I've *finally* grown a backbone and decided that that's who I am, so I'm leaving the hat. It's taken me 20 years to get to that point--of being more "authentically me", but it's still really really difficult for me.

 

Here, I toss my big floppy hat on the lamp with abandon, and I just *know* that there are people here who will not only accept that I've done that, but will smile along with me because they understand how I feel, and maybe have their own big floppy hat on their bedpost, just 'cause it makes them smile.

 

Y'all give me permission to be more "authentically me" every single day, and I really do mean it when I say that the WTM boards have affected my life in positive ways that go *way* beyond selecting just the right curriculum.

 

I guess this has morphed into a "thank you" for being here, and for allowing me to express myself on these boards with wild abandon. :tongue_smilie:

 

So yes, I'm different here than irl (in a good way, I think), but I'm hoping even more of the "here" will seep out into that real life.

 

 

:grouphug: I so understand about the lamp and the hat thing.

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Greta

Greta

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Posted

My personality is the same of course (it's the only way I know to be!) although I tend to be more shy and reserved irl than I am online. My family, though, certainly knows me well enough that I don't think they would be surprised by anything I've said online.

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Apiphobic

Apiphobic

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Posted

My family? No, they wouldn't be shocked at all by anything I've posted online, whether here, my blog, fb, or anywhere else. Doesn't mean they agree with it all, but they know me well enough to know the good and the bad. I can be myself, warts and all, with my close friends and family because they see the whole picture and not just a slice of my life.

 

But I think everyone wears a mask or "performs" in different social settings. You moderate your conversation and behavior based upon the situation. That's part of learning our "social skills." And, yes, online interactions are another social setting.

 

This short piece talks about social vs. private masks and whether or not it's deceitful.

 

Social vs. Private Masks: Is It Wrong to Act Differently in Public?

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WTMCassandra

WTMCassandra

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This is a fascinating question. I think I'm the same IRL as here. I think I'm more articulate in writing than in person, especially with "hard" discussions. I don't think well on my feet.

 

HOWEVER, would my family recognize me? Hmmmm, my extended family does not grok me at all, so, no, I don't think so. But I agree with the people who've said they think it is because of misunderstandings and incorrect assumptions that they wouldn't recognize me.

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Jenny in Atl

Jenny in Atl

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Posted
Transparent both online and in real life. Do not have time, inclination, patience, or memory for presenting a different self online from real life. Would rather have someone dislike me for who I am than like me for someone they think I am.

 

Yup, bought says it. I think I'm a bit more out going on line.. not as shy. Besides that nothing too exciting to be found.

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GSMP

GSMP

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Posted
No, they already know I have quirky sense of humor and am weird.

 

Yep!! I can vouch for you on that one...but you are no way as weird as your dog. Bless Baxter's little heart. :lol:

 

Probably. Online has helped me stay up on things and keep my backbone on certain issues. Yeah, extended family HATES that I"m online.

 

You are the same...I know this. I could bank on this. :D

 

I am told I write exactly the same way I speak, so my blog and my posts are just "me" in written form. :)

 

This is me....I am what I am. My blog is a big expression of who I am. My family knows that I am the same regardless. I figure I don't have much to hide.

 

The above two could tell you more on whether or not I am the same person...I see me as the same quirky, goof ball. I liked the hat on the bedpost/lamp post comment.

 

I love big floppy hats.

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CalicoKat

CalicoKat

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This is a fascinating question. I think I'm the same IRL as here. I think I'm more articulate in writing than in person, especially with "hard" discussions. I don't think well on my feet.

 

HOWEVER, would my family recognize me? Hmmmm, my extended family does not grok me at all, so, no, I don't think so. But I agree with the people who've said they think it is because of misunderstandings and incorrect assumptions that they wouldn't recognize me.

I don't think well on my feet either. I usually stand there, duh.

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Dawn in OH

Dawn in OH

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Posted

I am, online, the same person I am around friends. My family is another story. For some reason, I still feel like a child around my mother and stepfather (maybe because they treat me like I am one).

I am not as outgoing, confident, intelligent or funny around them as I am with everyone else.

 

I don't think my mom would be "shocked", but I think she might be surprised to see how outspoken I am on some topics that she doesn't even know I'm interested in.

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RebeccaC

RebeccaC

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Posted (edited)

I am basically the same on line and off. I like transparency however I think I am more out spoken on line than I am irl. I am an introvert for many reasons one of which is I feel the emotions of others and so I hate crowds, the mall, large parties, etc.... Just too much stuff swirling around me and not enough time or space to process what I getting off of others. I hope that makes sense and does not put some off. I like quite corners with very small groups of folks, ideally one on one conversations in a quite place, and then I will talk other wise I am looking for the exits. So there are a lot of people irl who do not know me well and they might be surprised but that is only because we have not spent time in a quiet area conversing.

 

I also have a hearing problem which is another reason I like quiet areas. I get tired of not hearing what folks are saying and asking then to repeat what they have just said or asking someone else what did so and so just say. So I keep to my self and enjoy having one on one conversations in quiet areas. The people who really know me would not be surprise by what I post here, just how much I post :001_smile:

 

My family that I am close to would not be surprised at all.

Edited by RebeccaC
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OH_Homeschooler

OH_Homeschooler

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As someone upthread noted, my family doesn't really know me at all. Well, at least my in-laws. They would probably be surprised to learn that I have interests, hobbies, and opinions since they never bother to ask when we're all together and I'm not the type to volunteer that information unless asked.

 

I was surprised though, to find my sister-in-law bashing me online once. I had no idea what I did to offend her (since I never bother saying anything at family get-togethers, see above) but it must have been something! When I called her on it she never replied. I guess she didn't like being caught showing her true colors!

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PariSarah

PariSarah

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. . . it's easier to be my "best self" online than it is in person, after I've gotten a lousy night's sleep, and so-and-so is telling that same d@mn story again, and do I really hafta get the laundry finished before we leave for the weekend?, and . . .

 

Well, you get the picture.

 

PocketSarah is a much nicer person than PariSarah. KWIM?

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LilyK

LilyK

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The only difference is that I tend to hold my tongue a bit more IRL. I figure part of the function of such forums is to voice our differing opinions, so sometimes I let loose (maybe too much.) Let me put it this way, when I go to a wedding and politics comes up, I go get a glass of punch.

 

But most of my IRL friends and I share similar values, so there is very little need to hold my tongue too much.

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MeanestMomInMidwest

MeanestMomInMidwest

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When I go through the list of family members in my head and check them off one by one, the only ones who may be shocked would be my in-laws, because even after all these years, they don't really know me. It is primarily because conversation with them is all ebb and no flow (or is it all flow and no ebb?), whatever way it is, I can't get a word in edgwise with them.

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Rosie_0801

Rosie_0801

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Posted (edited)
I wish my family did know me online. As it is, they really don't know me at all.

ETA: I can only be whom I am.

 

No, I'm pretty much the same on-line as I am in person. I'm not sure if that is good or bad though. ;)

 

These are both true for me. I am who I am, but unfortunately many of my relatives have some fixed ideas on who I am and ignore any evidence to the contrary. It's tiresome enough to cop it for my character flaws (they are "allowed" to point mine out, I'm not to do the same) but copping it for flaws I don't have is really annoying! Can't cure it, so I avoid it.

 

Rosie

Edited by Rosie_0801
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newlifemom

newlifemom

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Let's see I have presented myself as a loving/giving/amazingly thrifty/stunningly gorgeous/in shape/highly intelligent/motivated/self-starter/organized/children under control mom so yeah they would be shocked. :D

 

I don't think that they would be shocked. For better or worse, you all have seen pretty much what they see. The only exception, I try very hard not to discuss politics/religion with a few of them b/c it just isn't worth it. We don't see eye to eye and I can/will never win and b/c they are family I really want to maintain a relationship with them. KWIM?

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