Women's voices and making them deeper

[MamaBearTeacher]

Do you or have you ever purposefully tried to make your voice deeper? have you known anyone who has? Most female news announcers etc. have deeper voices. Either they are born with them or they make them deeper. I think in the past they used to choose men with deeper male voices for news and for narrators for documentaries etc.

 

I do think we associate deeper voices with wisdom, authority and reliability. Do you?

 

My voice is not deep. It is not grating or annoyingly high but it is soft and when strangers phone and I say that one word "hello" they always ask to speak to my mom or dad, or even my "mommy or daddy". My voice is not abnormal and there are other women with younger-sounding voices.

 

I have been asked to change my voice in the workplace a couple of times. I used the voice I would use to read the character of a male or a monster in a children's book and people were happy though it felt really weird to me. I could not continue it.

 

Still, I think we are attracted to deeper voices in women, we believe them more, are more soothed by them and want to be around them more. If a woman does not have a deep voice, should she change it? In the workplace? When she goes out in the community to bring more respect to her family?

 

Is this part of sexism? Is it part of our socialization to think that what is more male is better? Or is it just natural to like a deeper voice and to associate it with wisdom?

[klmama]

The only women I've known to try to deepen their voices were moms trying to correct young boys, whom they thought listened better when they did that. I thought it sounded ridiculous. Maybe they weren't doing it quite right. It did seem to work on the little boys, though.

[Jaybee]

I used to try to deepen my voice when talking with my grandma. Her hearing was going, and she could hear lower pitch much better than higher pitch. But I don't think that is what you are talking about. :) It would have been very hard to do all the time, though--it was rather stressful in an odd sort of way.

[Laura Corin]

Mrs Thatcher supposedly had lessons to deepen her voice. She ended up with a rather mooing, patronising tone. That could just have reflected her character though...

[Amy in NH]

Pregnancy hormones permanently lower female vocal tones. That could have something to do with your perception of age, wisdom, and soothing.

[Word Nerd]

Speaking so softly that people can’t hear or understand would be a legitimate problem, and in that case I would focus on speaking louder and projecting your voice. I don’t think it’s reasonable for people to expect a woman to actually change how deep or high her voice is.

[J-rap]

I don't have an answer, but I've always wished my voice sounded stronger too.  It sounds even worse when I hear it on a recording!

[SparklyUnicorn]

I have not ever given it much thought.  I imagine the only women who struggle with this are those with super super high little kid sounding voices.  I knew a woman like that in college and she said she had a hard time making phone calls because people would assume she was a child. 

 

 

[Janeway]

 

I do think we associate deeper voices with wisdom, authority and reliability. Do you?

 

 

Well, then...my voice is deep and  always wished it was prettier. BUT, if having a deeper voice means this..I will go with it.....

[Janeway]

One problem with a deeper voice is that people can think I am angry or have malintent when I say something. So I can say something nice, but it is in a low voice so it does not sound cheery and maybe the person thinks I am being sarcastic or that the nice words are not sincere. I have never been told my voice is sexy. I have been told that I am yelling when I am not yelling. I rarely raise my voice. But I have caught myself where I was not yelling, but felt my voice sounded too loud.

[ThisIsTheDay]

My mom did not like her voice. She trained herself and changed it when she was in her 30s. I would say she lowered it instead of deepened it, but I don't mean she lowered the volume. She began by lowering her voice when she answered the telephone (all day at work), and her phone voice eventually became her regular speaking voice, I think in women that deeper/lower voices are associated with sexiness, but that my be my own age showing OR the changed sound of my mom's phone voice.

 

You've been asked to change your voice in the workplace "a couple of times"? I've never heard of such a thing. Was this the same job? What reasoning was given for this? I find that an extremely unusual and abnormal request.

 

Whatever the case, if someone were to change their voice for any reason, I would imagine that to be a slight change in tone or volume, not assuming the voice of a character one reads for a book!

 

To answer your questions: 

 

If a woman does not have a deep voice, should she change it? If she wants to, but it should be because SHE wants to, not because someone else wants her to.

 

In the workplace? Same answer as above

 

When she goes out in the community to bring more respect to her family? No. If someone is judging a family based on the voice of a parent, well, I just have no words for that person. I can't imagine someone would have THAT much time on their hands.

 

[Guest]

No.

 

Yes, that is sexism. Usually ingrained (therefore hard to notice) sexism. ETA: because it makes the assumption that the male way is the baseline to which all must be compared.

 

Women and men have separately shaped (different) vocal folds. It should be OBVIOUS that this has absolutely nothing to do with reasoning or respectability or intelligence.

 

Alas.

Edited October 8, 2017 by OKBud

[Guest]

.

 

I have been asked to change my voice in the workplace a couple of times. I used the voice I would use to read the character of a male or a monster in a children's book and people were happy though it felt really weird to me. I could not continue it.

 

 

 

I'd report that hot load to whatever version your company has of HR. That is so weird.

 

As to one of your secondary questions, heterosexual women ARE attracted to deeper voices, because they are attracted to men.

 

Het met are attracted to boobs, but for some reason we don't ask them to emulate boobies so that we can have an easier time taking them seriously.

[Tap]

You may want to look around for a voice or elocution coach.  People in media or who do presentations to groups often use them to learn to modulate their voice. 

 

If people assume you are a child on the phone (at home or work), I would guess that you are outside the traditional range of what our culture and experience say an adult sounds like.

 

I am on the phone all day at work.  It would be very, very hard to do my job if people perceived my voice as a child, or even young teen.  I don't think a person needs a low voice to sound authoritative, but sounding like a child/young teen will make people feel you aren't experienced in your job or task, or possibly helping mommy out at the office.

 

 

I do not think it has anything to so wit sexim (or agism BTW).  It is part of interpersonal communication and the way we subconsciously perceive people.  

 

 

[wendy not in HI]

My daughter has a quiet voice. It's not particularly high pitched, but it has always been quiet. My dad has always had a hard time hearing and understanding her.

 

She is now in college doing ROTC and having a quiet voice has been embarrassing for her. She has worked hard to make her voice louder and deeper - not for talking but for shouting things.

 

Though she is embarrassed about it, it's not holding her back in any way.

[Serenade]

Oh man. I have a deeper voice, but I wish I had a more feminine voice.

 

Which just made me ponder something. In my family growing up, I was always considered the bossy one. I wonder if my deeper voice made people think I was bossy?

[Guest]

Oh man. I have a deeper voice, but I wish I had a more feminine voice.

 

Which just made me ponder something. In my family growing up, I was always considered the bossy one. I wonder if my deeper voice made people think I was bossy?

 

Were you bossy? :laugh:

[wintermom]

I don't think it's necessarily "sexist" to get feedback about your voice if you are in a professional setting and answering phones is part of one's job. That is simply professional feedback. Voice training is very common for men and women in areas such as theatre, public speaking and teaching. Voice projection is one factor, but also breathing and pronunciation. 

 

It could be that the OP's doesn't sound confident or professional, or is difficult to hear.  She may want to start with altering the actual words she uses to answer the phone. Instead of "hello" she could say "good morning" or "good afternoon."  I would recommend a voice coach, as well, so that she can learn to use her voice to its full potential without damaging her vocal chords.

[Arcadia]

My voice is not deep. It is not grating or annoyingly high but it is soft and when strangers phone and I say that one word "hello" they always ask to speak to my mom or dad, or even my "mommy or daddy". My voice is not abnormal and there are other women with younger-sounding voices.

 

I have been asked to change my voice in the workplace a couple of times. I used the voice I would use to read the character of a male or a monster in a children's book and people were happy though it felt really weird to me. I could not continue it.

I am thinking that it is not a deep voice they are looking at but an “authoritative†tone. The kind that good TED talks speakers use. My husband describes it as the firm tone (regardless of pitch) and he was referring to how ladies deal with pushy people.

 

What did your colleagues actually say?

 

It’s kind of weird but the way my relatives say hello on the phone for an unknown number would make someone think they have called a law firm. People think they called the wrong number so they put down the phone and call again.

 

My side of the family all tend to sound like commanding officers regardless of the pitch of their voice. When people call, they think they are talking to our parents or grandparents. My mom’s friend didn’t believe it until she talked to me (when I was 6) at a gathering and then she was very amused.

[brehon]

OP, it sounds like it’s the timbre of your voice, not necessarily the pitch, that people react to. That can be modulated. Professional singers learn to modulate their voices.

[klmama]

OP, if vocal coaching isn't available in your area or is out of your price range, you might at least consider some recorded lessons from a vocal coach.  This product is very reasonably priced.  I haven't heard it, but I have heard his accent training materials and think he explains things pretty well.  https://learnaccent.com/product/the-speakers-voice/  ETA:  Based on the comment on the home page of the website, I think this might be a download, even though the photo shows a CD case.  If it matters to you, there's a contact number.

Edited October 8, 2017 by klmama

[OrganicJen]

There are speech language pathologists who specialize in this (vocal modification) and also who work in corporate settings to provide this type of service to a company's employees.

[MamaBearTeacher]

My voice really isn't that bad. Some of these posts are making me feel kind of like it might be though. I had wanted my post to be about women's voices in general. I don't work right now and hardly have a chance to talk to anyone other than my children. I don't have time to get training. This happened when I worked one summer as a receptionist. A client complained that they thought I was twelve. The client was described as a "jerk" For various reasons. They asked me to deepen my voice anyways. THere is nothing wrong with my diction or vocabulary and people have told me that my public speaking skills are excellent. People have not complained about my voice when I had more professional jobs. I have taught adults and was taken seriously and I have been told I should go into motivational speaking. I have asked friends about my voice and they say it is very nice but it is young sounding.

Lately I have noticed that, at a very unconscious level, I am drawn to and believe someone more if they have a deeper voice. I have noticed that others react this way too. I feel like this is a prejudice. I wanted to discuss it with the hive.

[OrganicJen]

Oh and it isn't likely just making your voice deeper that they are looking for from you...There is a whole set of communication tools you can learn from a speech therapist who specializes in corporate speech therapy that would likely result in the effect your company is looking for.

[OrganicJen]

My voice really isn't that bad. Some of these posts are making me feel kind of like it might be though. I had wanted my post to be about women's voices in general. I don't work right now and hardly have a chance to talk to anyone other than my children. I don't have time to get training. This happened when I worked one summer as a receptionist. A client complained that they thought I was twelve. The client was described as a "jerk" For various reasons. They asked me to deepen my voice anyways. THere is nothing wrong with my diction or vocabulary and people have told me that my public speaking skills are excellent. People have not complained about my voice when I had more professional jobs. I have taught adults and was taken seriously and I have been told I should go into motivational speaking. I have asked friends about my voice and they say it is very nice but it is young sounding.

Lately I have noticed that, at a very unconscious level, I am drawn to and believe someone more if they have a deeper voice. I have noticed that others react this way too. I feel like this is a prejudice. I wanted to discuss it with the hive.

Well what I have found is that it isn't the deeper voice alone that people react to differently, it is usually a combination of speech patterns and vocal skills that combine to produce the effect you are describing.

[wintermom]

My voice really isn't that bad. Some of these posts are making me feel kind of like it might be though. I had wanted my post to be about women's voices in general. I don't work right now and hardly have a chance to talk to anyone other than my children. I don't have time to get training. This happened when I worked one summer as a receptionist. A client complained that they thought I was twelve. The client was described as a "jerk" For various reasons. They asked me to deepen my voice anyways. THere is nothing wrong with my diction or vocabulary and people have told me that my public speaking skills are excellent. People have not complained about my voice when I had more professional jobs. I have taught adults and was taken seriously and I have been told I should go into motivational speaking. I have asked friends about my voice and they say it is very nice but it is young sounding.

Lately I have noticed that, at a very unconscious level, I am drawn to and believe someone more if they have a deeper voice. I have noticed that others react this way too. I feel like this is a prejudice. I wanted to discuss it with the hive.

 

I am also immediately drawn to a deeper, more authoritative voices. I find higher pitched, squeaky voices, both male and female, very distracting, and it takes some time to get over that distraction to listen attentively to the speaker. 

 

My dh tells me that my voice rises in pitch when I get stressed or annoyed, and he and the dc tend to listen less to that voice than a calm, non-whiny voice. When I remember to do this, it is definitely more effective. 

[Scarlett]

My voice really isn't that bad. Some of these posts are making me feel kind of like it might be though. I had wanted my post to be about women's voices in general. I don't work right now and hardly have a chance to talk to anyone other than my children. I don't have time to get training. This happened when I worked one summer as a receptionist. A client complained that they thought I was twelve. The client was described as a "jerk" For various reasons. They asked me to deepen my voice anyways. THere is nothing wrong with my diction or vocabulary and people have told me that my public speaking skills are excellent. People have not complained about my voice when I had more professional jobs. I have taught adults and was taken seriously and I have been told I should go into motivational speaking. I have asked friends about my voice and they say it is very nice but it is young sounding.

Lately I have noticed that, at a very unconscious level, I am drawn to and believe someone more if they have a deeper voice. I have noticed that others react this way too. I feel like this is a prejudice. I wanted to discuss it with the hive.

Meh, I figure they let a jerk customer make them ask something of you that was ridiculous.

 

My voice is not deep but I often sound mad when I am not. I have to really focus on making my tone more pleasing. And it absolutely affects how people react to me. My husband is like putty in my hands when I am more gentle.

[OrganicJen]

I am also immediately drawn to a deeper, more authoritative voices. I find higher pitched, squeaky voices, both male and female, very distracting, and it takes some time to get over that distraction to listen attentively to the speaker.

 

My dh tells me that my voice rises in pitch when I get stressed or annoyed, and he and the dc tend to listen less to that voice than a calm, non-whiny voice. When I remember to do this, it is definitely more effective.

You make a good point, that someone's vocal or speech patterns can distract from the message they are trying to communicate. Of the people I've known who have participated in speech or vocal modification treatment with a speech therapist, their reasons were because their voice or speech was distracting to their message, they wanted to present themselves better in meetings or with clients etc, or they were transgendered and wanted to learn how to speak in a way to be better perceived as a different gender.

[Scarlett]

I am also immediately drawn to a deeper, more authoritative voices. I find higher pitched, squeaky voices, both male and female, very distracting, and it takes some time to get over that distraction to listen attentively to the speaker.

 

My dh tells me that my voice rises in pitch when I get stressed or annoyed, and he and the dc tend to listen less to that voice than a calm, non-whiny voice. When I remember to do this, it is definitely more effective.

My Dh tells me the same thing. He calls it me 'amping up'.

[Jane in NC]

When I took a speech class in high school, we performed exercises to find the true pitch of our voice. Mine is low but I had been speaking with an unnatural higher pitch. Given my teaching career, I am glad to have found my true voice which allowed me to project in a lecture hall without straining my vocal chords.

[Guest]

When someone is insecure or uncertain, the voice goes up. This doesn't happen to just female voices.

 

Also, if a woman has been taught to defer and accommodate a man, or to not challenge him or intimidate him with her intelligence, she will develop a soft, dainty, submissive, "non-threatening" way of speaking.

 

ETA I hate the idea of women having to change and modify their voices in order to get a favorable approval rating.

Edited October 8, 2017 by Fifiruth

[Ausmumof3]

I don't know but I have noticed that compared to European tourists over here Australian women tend to have significantly deeper voices. I think we can end up modifying stuff like that unintentionally based on what we hear and see around us.

[Ausmumof3]

I think something on the brain associates higher pitched voices with childhood. Also I vaguely remember that lower pitched sounds travel further and through stuff better than high pitched so maybe that explains the news reader thing if they are outdoors.

[Guest]

Do you or have you ever purposefully tried to make your voice deeper? have you known anyone who has? Most female news announcers etc. have deeper voices. Either they are born with them or they make them deeper. I think in the past they used to choose men with deeper male voices for news and for narrators for documentaries etc.

 

I do think we associate deeper voices with wisdom, authority and reliability. Do you?

 

My voice is not deep. It is not grating or annoyingly high but it is soft and when strangers phone and I say that one word "hello" they always ask to speak to my mom or dad, or even my "mommy or daddy". My voice is not abnormal and there are other women with younger-sounding voices.

 

I have been asked to change my voice in the workplace a couple of times. I used the voice I would use to read the character of a male or a monster in a children's book and people were happy though it felt really weird to me. I could not continue it.

 

Still, I think we are attracted to deeper voices in women, we believe them more, are more soothed by them and want to be around them more. If a woman does not have a deep voice, should she change it? In the workplace? When she goes out in the community to bring more respect to her family?

 

Is this part of sexism? Is it part of our socialization to think that what is more male is better? Or is it just natural to like a deeper voice and to associate it with wisdom?

I cannot imagine a modern workplace trying to have someone change her voice. With that said, I do find high-pitched, overly lilting voices very irritating to listen to. There is an announcements type person at church who I find has a very annoying shrieky voice. It does seem like she has possibly worked on it some, because it has been less bad in recent months.

 

I don't know that it's possible to talk in a lower range all the time, but you could focus on changing certain words or vocal tendencies. For example, a lot of women question? Every line they say? They raise it? At the end of whatever they say? Know what I mean? 😉 That is a habit that can be broken. People sound more confident when they don't lift their voice repeatedly as if perpetually asking for permission to exist.

 

The opposite tendency that is also ineffective in speaking is dropping the ends of sentences; trailing off. Finish strong. Your last word should receive the same breath support and volume as the words before.

 

If I were you, I would first just work on saying "Hello?" In a more authoritative way. Proper breath support. 😊

[HS Mom in NC]

I decided to change my voice in my early 20s. You can watch video of me at that time and hear how much higher it was.  My kids are surprised when they hear it. At that time I weighted 95 pounds and at 5"2, with a higher pitched voice, people often mistook me for a child at first sight or when speaking to me on the phone.  I consciously dropped it to a lower register and kept it that way. When you use any muscle in a new way it causes soreness at fatigue at first.  Then it doesn't. I have always had good volume and projection between playing a wind instrument and doing public speaking.  No one would consider my voice low compared to most women, it's mid-range.

My husband's sister also has a little girl voice.  She jokes about people mistaking her for a child on the phone.  I don't know if it bothers her and the humor is a way to deal with it or if she's fine with it.  To each her own.

[solascriptura]

I never thought much about it, but my voice is somewhat deeper for a woman. It does seem that my voice commands more attention in a group meeting though. Maybe it’s because I only talk in a meeting when I have something important to say. Not sure.

[mellifera33]

It seems there is a very small range of acceptable female voices. Too high: childish. Too low: vocal fry, hipster, annoying. Just like everything else. :sigh

[SKL]

I attended a mini-course in public speaking, and it was pointed out that people pay more attention to low voices.  Whether it's sexist or instinctive, I don't know.  But I use this knowledge to my advantage at times.  My natural voice is kind of chirpy (though it's getting more raspy with age).  When I want someone to know I mean business, I speak in a lower octave, and it works. 

 

 

It's always funny how people react when I need to get my kids' attention in a group.  Like, "did that foghorn sound come out of that lady's mouth?"  It works though.  :P

[SKL]

And FWIW, I also learned that your voice will project much better if you push your jaw forward as you speak.  I've tried it and it works.  :)

[Bluegoat]

I don't think it's just about a lower voice, though that is how people might describe it.  Often higher pitched voices can be more difficult to hear, or if they are shrill they are unpleasant to listen to - it's in a tone we normally reserve for an emergency, so it's unsettling.

 

As far as work - if it's come up different times, I don't see anything wrong with seeing it as something to work on.  I've known people who give presentations who have to work on their body language, and I don't see the difference really.  Speaking well is something that is learned - actors spend years on it.

 

With attractiveness - yes, I think many people respond to pitch of other's voices in sexual attraction.  I don't think it's sexist, it's just one of those things.  Other mammals are similar, and I doubt it's some kind of uncultured learned thing for them.

[shawthorne44]

I wish there was a way to train a voice to be lower.   My 7-year-old daughter's voice is very high.   She is a young child so her normal voice is fine.   But the problem is that it is a really short trip to whiny voice.   Teensy bit agitated (like we all get sometimes) and her voice becomes high enough to be in the whiny range.   

[TravelingChris]

I have a lower voice and I know I generally prefer lower tones of voice.  Like my favorite popular female singers are lower toned.  Now that I am hearing impaired, I really appreciate people who speak in lower tones and also clearly.  I think that is one reason that radio announcer women and reporters often have lower voices.  It isn't sexism that more people can hear lower tones better than higher tones- its physiology.  

[Ravin]

An English speaker's voice will sound more masculine if it is flatter/more monotone with less variation to pitch. This is because women tend to speak with more pitch variation than men on average. This holds true regardless of the baseline "note" of the voice overall. That's one "trick" to sound more authoritative.

[regentrude]

I am not sure how much is the actual pitch of the voice rather than specific mannerisms, like the annoyingly chirpy voice that goes up at the end of each phrase as if asking a question, or the exaggerated bouncy cheeriness that comes across as fake. Or some people talk in a tone one would adopt with a small child.

This can seem out of place in a professional setting where a more factual tone of voice, while still warm and friendly, can create the impression of more authority. 

 

 

Edited October 9, 2017 by regentrude

[regentrude]

The best way to check whether your voice actually sounds annoying is to record yourself. This can be eye opening and will help you detect mannerisms you would like to eliminate. Some people use filler words like "ehm", "well". Some people start a sentence and go off on a tangent and never finish the sentence. Some people do the going up in each phrase as if on a question.

 

Through observing your own presentation you can train yourself to eliminate these habits, without the aid of a voice coach.

 

Edited October 9, 2017 by regentrude

[Arcadia]

I wish there was a way to train a voice to be lower. My 7-year-old daughter's voice is very high. She is a young child so her normal voice is fine. But the problem is that it is a really short trip to whiny voice. Teensy bit agitated (like we all get sometimes) and her voice becomes high enough to be in the whiny range.

Choir/Singing is good for voice control and cheaper than voice lessons.

However voices getting higher pitch when agitated is rather common even for adult guys, and is more of self control. That can be cultivated over time but my DS11’s voice gets high pitch when whining, so it’s a long road for this kid.

 

Sometimes when I have to make a phone call that would likely get me very annoyed, I do that half awake when I am too sleepy to be really agitated. Like explaining something to the billing department.

[regentrude]

And FWIW, I also learned that your voice will project much better if you push your jaw forward as you speak.  I've tried it and it works.  :)

 

That's not good vocal technique. Just use good breath support.