What Do You Think About "Average" Wedding Prices?

[Ginevra]

I'm home alone tonight and want to discuss this with my virtual friends. 😊 So, I was sitting amongst in-laws, who have grown children; they are talking about weddings. One SIL has an event planner as a DIL. Budgets are being bandied about and SIL makes a declaration that you can't have a "normal" wedding for anything less than $25k. Well...obviously there are many factors that will affect this budget, and it also obviously varies a lot by area of the country (presumably true in non-US countries as well), but it seems probable that the many scores of people who couldn't cough up $25k for a wedding in their dizziest daydreams are still, in fact, getting married, and at least some percentage are surely still having a "normal" wedding (i.e., not an elopement, not immediate family only, etc.); they are doing it somehow.

 

I know when I got married (granted - 24 years ago), my parents did not contribute a dime, although my mother put in substantial sweat equity and some of her friends acted as caterers. Some aspects of a "normal" wedding we simply went without (no limousine, no staffed caterers) and many things were DIY (centerpieces, programs, all flowers, videography). Our wedding cost was a bit over $5k for everything.

 

But I'm curious what my Hive mamas with grown kids do and think about this topic. Most helpful if you can give details and current dollars and probably general location. (P.S. - I am not saying I can only hear from penny pinchers - if you have a generous budget in mind and you feel this is an important area to NOT shave costs, that is a perfectly fine point to make as well. 😊) I think it just always annoys me when people speak as though it is simply not possible to do XYZ without a healthy heap of cash to do it with.

[creekland]

I've told my guys to cut corners on the wedding and spend any extra on the honeymoon like hubby and I did.  They agree.  ;)

 

Oldest got married - not sure how much he spent (didn't ask us for a dime although we paid for the rehearsal dinner and gave them $$ toward their honeymoon), but I know it came nowhere near 25K.  The ceremony was in his church with reception in the fellowship hall.  A photography buff friend took photos.  Food was brought in from Chick Fil A.  Someone ran music from CDs. A friend made the cake. He chose to wear a suit rather than a tux.

 

They're quite happily married.

[KungFuPanda]

I think it's silly.  I guess an "average wedding" is defined by a wedding that contains some arbitrary combination of A, B, C, D, E, etc . . . If you can afford to check every box, that's lovely for you that you can get exactly what you want.  However, going into debt over a  party that will end in a few hours is a little nuts and so is suggesting that a huge percentage of people do this when it's very likely untrue.  Maybe it's the number for the average wedding that hires a planner?

[FriedClams]

I think it's absolutely idiotic. I can't imagine spending that, honeymoon included.

[The Girls' Mom]

That is NOT the average around here.  Most people living in my area can barely afford to pay their bills, let alone fork over the equivalent of a nice new car on a wedding.  

Weddings are in my not so distant future, with three grown daughters.  I certainly will not be spending that kind of money.  They don't *have* that kind of money.  We can throw a perfectly gorgeous rural wedding and reception for under 5K, and that is with good food, music and an nice dress.

 

My wedding cost around $600.  Granted, that was 25 years ago, but it can be done.   

[Anne in CA]

When I worked for a major hotel chain, and later a very exclusive private hotel, I catered few weddings that weren't at 50K. I worked at three weddings that were more than a million dollars. Now, that is the money that you have to spend to not worry about details at the wedding. IMO, if you don't spend that amount, you will be responsible for many details. Does that mean your wedding won't be amazing??? No. That means you will have to worry about details. You won't have a worry free wedding (unless you are a type Q personality) without spending a lot of money for other people to worry. That's why the price tag is there. When you don't worry someone else does, it's perfectly reasonable that they charge for their stress. 

 

If you want an afternoon wedding with cake and a DJ, which is quite lovely, you could probably do it for less than 5K. But that is what you are having. Not a dinner event. 

[eternalsummer]

We had a very small wedding at DH's grandparents' empty house (right before they moved); my mom bought the food for about $100 and our wedding present from SIL was the cake.  Total cost to us was maybe $50.  (then the official certificate/ justice of the peace costs, not sure what those were).

 

There is no universe in which anyone in my family could have ever spent close to $25K on a wedding.  Ever.  SIL had a fancy one (relatively speaking) but the way they do it in her husband's culture (he is Mexican) is that every family member/friend sponsors a small part of the wedding (or a bigger part for the closer/wealthier relatives).  So one person pays for the venue, another does flowers, another pays for the food, another buys the dress, another pays for the invites, etc.  I would not be surprised if her wedding cost $10K-$15K altogether but I doubt any one person or family paid for more than a thousand of it.

[FaithManor]

We did a wedding for 90 for Dd, 75 came. As a former event planner, unless the couple marries in a state where their friends and families do notice and can not easily travel to, for what it is worth 80% attendance for a not too early Saturday wedding is average so keep that in mind when making up a guest list.

 

Anyway, we paid $759 for her dress on sale. My mom could have made it for $500 in materials, but for the $250 difference we decided to save the sweat.

 

I bought tablecloths because I got a sale in which it was just as cheap as renting, same for cloth napkins, and we rented china and glasses. It was $1.50 ish per place setting. It was thirty six cents per person for the heavy duty, large chinette plates from the local Wal-Mart, twenty five cents for a clear plastic punch cup, more for a really good quality paper coffee cup, and negligible cost for a paper napkin, but I hate papermaking because it takes a half gallon to clean up any kind of spill. So ninety cents to a dollar per head for paper products of good quality, so we were willing to splurge since the party was small.

 

We had shrimp cocktail, veggies and dip, and fruit bowl for hors d'oeuvres. I bought all the fixings and a friend put them out. We used vintage, glass snack sets which had been purchased for my sister's wedding way back and mom had stored for a rainy day so no additional place setting costs. My guess is I spent about $250 on that food. We had a 4H caterer do the meal. It was choice of parmesan encrusted fish or lemon and garlic chicken breast, bacon wrapped asparagus, roasted red potatoes, green beans, side salad, rolls, and watermelon. This was $12.50 per head because the director cut us a discount. A similar meal would run $16-20 from other caterers.

 

The wedding cake was small but professionally decorated - $135.00. Lunch, coffee, tea came to probably $30 for supplies, and there was four berry pie,and cut out cookies as well. The bakery charged $8.00 per pie, and $3.00 dozen cookies. I think we purchased eight pies and five dozen cookies. $79 give or take.

[Mergath]

I think spending 25k on a wedding is idiotic. I'm sorry if that offends anyone, but it's one day during which you'll probably be stressed out most of the time anyway. I mean, that amount would be a good-sized down payment on a house in most areas. I guess if you're so wealthy that $25k is pocket change for you, have at it, but for most people it doesn't seem like a wise use of funds, especially if you have to take out a loan to cover it.

 

I don't know if that figure includes the honeymoon or not, but still. The wedding industry has done a great job of convincing everyone that you can't have a "real" wedding without it being like a fairy tale with flowers and live music and high end food and a million other things, just like the jewelry industry has convinced us that we can't get engaged without spending thousands on a ring. It's silly.  Dh and I were married in the courthouse for whatever it cost to get the marriage license. Our witnesses took us out for dinner afterward. We definitely didn't spend $25k, and as far as I know we're legally married. ;)  Ten years later, I don't regret not having a fancy wedding one bit. The money we didn't spend on a wedding is money we've had instead to use for family vacations and homeschooling curricula and stuff like that.

[prairiewindmomma]

I have attended everything from a $2k wedding to a $60k+ wedding in the last few years. I understand both perspectives, but have the small wedding personal preference.

[Zinnia]

We got married for about $3000 16 years ago. It was cheaper than my friends, still more than we could afford (the last thing we bought on credit cards we did not pay off that month!), and it was fine.

 

I wish I had had the courage to elope, but I felt pressure to have a wedding. It was fine, but it was so many details to care about that I didn't care about. My mom didn't want to step on my toes, but I wish she had just taken over like the momzillas I had heard about. She wasn't having that. ;)

 

I think plenty of people get married for less than $25,000, even in today's prices.

[Rebel Yell]

I don't know what is average for my area, SW PA, middle-income suburb of the large city, surrounded by very poor and very wealthy suburbs.

 

I expect to have a wedding within 3-5 years, so I'm giving this some serious thought. I also expect to have very little to contribute financially. Much of this will depend on the bride and grooms wishes, of course... but this will be my input:

 

Things I would leave to professionals:

Photography. I have friends who are top-tier photographers, I cannot afford them. But even a beginner or highly skilled amateur would be fine.

Food. I don't need gourmet food served on fine china, but I do want it prepared in an inspected commercial kitchen and kept at appropriate temperatures. Buffet is fine.

DJ, possibly a small live band. Dancing is very important, but don't need a light show.

 

Things I expect to do as inexpensively as possible:

Hair/nails/makeup. I'm a cosmetologist, so I can handle myself, the bride, and her two sisters. Everyone else is on their own.

Bridal gown: a bride in a well-fitted dress can look amazing even if it is a $19.99 sale white dress from JCPenney. I would certainly pay a bit more if needed, but $5K? No effin' way! Davids Bridal $99 sale would be a place to start.

Bridesmaids: simple inexpensive dresses that they can wear normal bras with, and their own shoes/purses.

Men's clothing: I'd rather they spend the money on owning suits than renting tuxes. Especially since we're not likely to have the level of formality that will truly require an actual tux.

Decorations. A theme is OK, but I'm hoping for a venue that needs minimal decoration.

Flowers. Basic wholesale flowers tied with ribbon, instead of specialty bouquets.

Food. Even though I want it prepared by someone other than me/grannies/guests, I also don't want fussy expensive foods.

Cake. Something pretty to cut, sheet cake in the back to serve. I don't want to attempt to get some stunning confection that no local baker of reasonable price can actually execute, and end up with a Cake Wreck

 

Things I hope to skip:

Limos. In a perfect world, wedding and reception will be at the same location. Close enough that there is no need for a party bus.

Photo booth, or anything excessive from Pinterest.

All the personalized matching Bridal party stuff that makes for great photos, like robes, custom-name-wired hangers, hotel suites, etc.

[Guest]

I think it's silly. I guess an "average wedding" is defined by a wedding that contains some arbitrary combination of A, B, C, D, E, etc . . . If you can afford to check every box, that's lovely for you that you can get exactly what you want. However, going into debt over a party that will end in a few hours is a little nuts and so is suggesting that a huge percentage of people do this when it's very likely untrue. Maybe it's the number for the average wedding that hires a planner?

I think your last point is an important one. It's a little bit like people who say you can't take a family vacation to Disney for less than $7K. They mean planned by a travel agent. But outside-the-box vacationers who don't mind doing their own legwork and who can live without some perks do WDW for much less than that.

[Guest]

I think it's insane for most young people to spend anything much on a wedding.

 

Obviously, if you come from a wealthy family or both earn substantially over the average wage in a low COL area, it's your money. If you want to spend a lot of it on a single day in your life, that has basically nothing to do with the success or otherwise of your actual marriage, you can do that.

 

But if, like most young people, you have student debt and starter incomes, DIY it. Seriously.

 

I cannot even fathom putting $25K into a single day. It's insane. Two young people could travel the world for a year on that. Or use it for a house deposit. Or pay off loans. Or invest it.

 

However, as you can see, I am not a wedding person. I have never daydreamed about weddings; I don't enjoy weddings; I didn't have a wedding. I certainly won't be paying for any weddings.

 

Dd17 is my only kid with a lot of interest in getting married, and it's still illegal for her to do so here. If it ever becomes legal, I would put time and energy into anything she wanted me to help with, but not cash.

That's an extremely good point that I would not mind making to my own child if this were something we didn't see eye-to-eye on.

[Alicia64]

It's the wedding industry itself pushing the nonsense that we need to spend X amount on a "good" wedding. I think it's ludicrous. What good does it do a couple to start married life deeply in debt?

 

And if the parents pay for it? Please. So we parents are "supposed" to pay for college and dream weddings?

 

Yes, say the industry benefiting.

 

Alley

[FaithManor]

We did a wedding for 90 for Dd, 75 came. As a former event planner, unless the couple marries in a state where their friends and families do notice and can not easily travel to, for what it is worth 80% attendance for a not too early Saturday wedding is average so keep that in mind when making up a guest list.

 

Anyway, we paid $759 for her dress on sale. My mom could have made it for $500 in materials, but for the $250 difference we decided to save the sweat.

 

I bought tablecloths because I got a sale in which it was just as cheap as renting, same for cloth napkins, and we rented china and glasses. It was $1.50 ish per place setting. It was thirty six cents per person for the heavy duty, large chinette plates from the local Wal-Mart, twenty five cents for a clear plastic punch cup, more for a really good quality paper coffee cup, and negligible cost for a paper napkin, but I hate papermaking because it takes a half gallon to clean up any kind of spill. So ninety cents to a dollar per head for paper products of good quality, so we were willing to splurge since the party was small.

 

We had shrimp cocktail, veggies and dip, and fruit bowl for hors d'oeuvres. I bought all the fixings and a friend put them out. We used vintage, glass snack sets which had been purchased for my sister's wedding way back and mom had stored for a rainy day so no additional place setting costs. My guess is I spent about $250 on that food. We had a 4H caterer do the meal. It was choice of parmesan encrusted fish or lemon and garlic chicken breast, bacon wrapped asparagus, roasted red potatoes, green beans, side salad, rolls, and watermelon. This was $12.50 per head because the director cut us a discount. A similar meal would run $16-20 from other caterers.

 

The wedding cake was small but professionally decorated - $135.00. Lunch, coffee, tea came to probably $30 for supplies, and there was four berry pie,and cut out cookies as well. The bakery charged $8.00 per pie, and $3.00 dozen cookies. I think we purchased eight pies and five dozen cookies. $79 give or take.

 

We paid $250 for the church and fellowship hall, $125.00 for the officiant fee, $200 janitorial help at the reception, and I provided the music so no costs there.

 

I made all of the flower arrangements, all of the table centerpieces. I provided the fabric for the flower girl and ring bearer outfits plus patterns. My mom made those. We had six votive candles on each table, and three hosting candles in each certain earpiece which was surrounding by fabric flowers that I made. Something like 600 fabric flowers!

 

Dh made three large wooden harbors which we covered with vines and silk flowers and hung over the head tables with twinkle lights entwined with the flowers. We had a family wedding gown display in the corner. My dress, groom's mother's gown, two grandmothers, one great grandma, and two aunts if I remember correctly with a wedding photo to accompany each gown. We draped the very dark, ugly and in bad shape paneling walls of the fellowship hall with white gossamer backlit with twinkle lights. So many family and friends had the lights in their Christmas decorations that I never bought any which was nice.

 

Oh and the tables had peach overlays ($5.00 each) and lace over top of the peach which was another $7 so $12 a table x 14 tables $168.00. Nope wait. Cake and hors d'oeuvres tables...another $28.00.

 

My guess is $300.00 in silks and vines to cover those arbors. The wood was probably $200 as well because we used nice stuff, then dismantled them after and made shelving for the house.

 

Roughly $4500 with the tablecloths and napkins, probably more as there are incidentals I have probably not thought to mention.

 

A friend who does photography did the pictures for free. This is huge. One cannot get a local photographer to do a wedding for less than $1500 locally. Professional photography is a huge cost.

 

We could have saved by going simpler with decorations, but when one is in the business of doing custom florals and centerpieces, one had better for the same of business make the family wedding glow a bit!

 

That said. This was simple. A year ago, I did a friend's daughter's wedding for free as my wedding gift and we kept the arrangements simple. Since I had the 200 ft of white chiffon, 1000 ft of pearls, and all the gossamer in my stash for the business - which I longer do - they had zero decorating costs. The church was $200, a creative who has a photography business did the photos for free, a family member did the DJ thing, they got the wedding gown on a clearance rack for $150 and paid $150 for alterations, and paid for a golf course restaurant with a dance door and sound system, two meat and two vegetable with sides buffet at a cost of facility and blindness of $3700 for 200 people. Huge family on both sides living in the area so very difficult to pair down the size of the event. Grandparents bought the cake - not elaborate by any stretch - $600.00. Most of the groomsmen were poor as church mice college students so they bought shirts and ties for the guys who wore black dress pants and black shoes. The m.o.g. bought a black vest for the groom so he had a little more flare. My guess is that shirt and tie in those colors ran $75 a groomsman or $300 total.

 

Family members also provided the music. Officiant was an uncle so again free.

 

So they had probably $4500 in it, due to not paying for decorations, bouquets, music, or photography.

 

If one is going to serve a meal, that combined with photography will be the largest expenses.

 

Venues are oh getting more pricey though. Many couples longer have free use of a church or are not associated with a religion so would not marry in a church even if it was free or low cost. So budget a minimum $500 fora reception venue, and more if the ceremony is held in a different place.

 

I do not know of any officiant or clergy who charges less than $100. Pianists and organists tend to run $200.

 

Some religious faiths, particularly those that see marriage as a sacrament, may let members marry for free in the church, and a few will even help put on the meal. But with church giving down, this is getting to be more rare.

 

Cake and punch reception - paper products, plastic tablecloths, Wal-Mart flower bouquets, cheap foods, sheet cake, consignment shop gown, no professional hair, nails, make up or photography, no musicians, and a church that doesn't charge much, probably $1500 would do it in lower COL areas. But this is seriously minimalistic and providing no meal unless one is doing a very small wedding - less than fifty and again quite cheap foods.

[AmandaVT]

My cousin got married here: http://www.newportmansions.org/weddings

 

I can't even begin to guess the cost, but I know it was over $50,000. Nuts. 

 

My brother had a big wedding as well. Not quite that expensive, but over $25,000. 

 

DH and I had an immediate family only dinner after getting married by the justice of the peace. Less than $200. 

 

We're the only couple of the three that doesn't regret spending so much on their wedding. I have friends and family that had more reasonably priced weddings, but so many people I know spent many thousands and regret it.

[Guest]

My cousin got married here: http://www.newportmansions.org/weddings

 

I can't even begin to guess the cost, but I know it was over $50,000. Nuts.

 

My brother had a big wedding as well. Not quite that expensive, but over $25,000.

 

DH and I had an immediate family only dinner after getting married by the justice of the peace. Less than $200.

 

We're the only couple of the three that doesn't regret spending so much on their wedding. I have friends and family that had more reasonably priced weddings, but so many people I know spent many thousands and regret it.

I like how the Newport Mansions page offers "a variet of options to fit your budget..." Probably not. 😀

[FaithManor]

Having done the event planning thing, and coordinated numerous weddings, my opinion is that weddings are nice if people desperately want them, and the parents or young couple are flush with money.

 

Otherwise, I think that most people should elope, send marriage announcements out later.

 

But not of people do still belong to religious cultures that expect weddings and receptions, and are offended if there isn't at least a certain amount of entertaining via good food and such done. Families go bat crazy on the couple quite often for limiting guest list, not having a sit down meal, not having music, not having a big brunch out for out of towners, not providing childcare, not....I have seen more than my fair share of brides turned into wrecks from the demands of extended family members and getting caught up in trying to please people.

 

Weddings bring out the insane in your relatives. Having recently done the family funeral thing, I am no longer a fan of that either. Too many whackadoodle, narcissists out there.

 

Recent pricing? Dh and I have rented a restaurant banquet room that seats 50 for our 30th anniversary next summer. We are having thirty-five guests, and it doubles as the family party for ds's graduation. Killing two birds with one stone! Three meat buffet, salad bar, two hit vegetables, and non alcoholic beverages. An okay places, nothing stellar, Applebee's kind of place but not a chain..$700.00 for 35. Worse at other places. It is also the end of my homeschooling life, so kind of a trifecta party.

[FaithManor]

Word of warning on clearance sale dresses, they tend to mostly be in the size six to twelve range. If you need something bigger or smaller, it is going to be tougher to find.

 

If your bride is a size two like my Dd, well then blech! These are not commonly found on sale racks. Grrrrrrr...

Edited May 29, 2017 by FaithManor

[Farrar]

The last wedding I went to was a relative and it was definitely less than that. But it also wasn't cheap. My mother was the wedding planner and she spent a few hundred dollars to do up the venue like mad. We were roped in as the help on that - both the set up and other things. I cut and sewed tablecloths and did the fancy lettering on all the signs, for example. It was an interesting mix of high end and cheap. Like, they rented a cool venue, but then my mom did all that homemade decoration (though she made it look super expensive - the venue people said they'd never seen it look so good). They did the ceremony in their backyard. They served appetizers instead of a sit down meal. But they also had an open bar.

 

I saw that they were in a tough spot. They spent the last few years attending all of their friends' weddings. So they really felt they had to reciprocate in some way. And they love their friends. They wanted to throw a party worthy of the ones they'd been attending.

 

But they didn't go beyond their means... she's already in a solid professional job making a good salary.

 

One of the things I observed was that I'm not sure what a "normal" wedding is these days. Everyone wants to have really unique Pinterest inspired weddings and have things that are specific just to them. Everyone wants these special touches everywhere. On some level, it seems like that's the crazy thing these days no matter if your budget is a couple thousand or many, many thousand - the pressure to be crafty and unique and have special touches instead of just tossing out some decent food and playing some music.

Edited May 29, 2017 by Farrar

[FaithManor]

Also, more than any other entity, I blame pinterest!!!

[AmandaVT]

I like how the Newport Mansions page offers "a variet of options to fit your budget..." Probably not. 😀

 

Extravagant, humongous and over the top are the budget categories, I believe. :-) 

[Word Nerd]

I think it's ridiculous.

[Arcadia]

For a Chinese traditional wedding banquet perspective,

 

Cost per person for sit down dinner at a hotel's banquet hall was >=$50 in the 90s but is hard to find for less than $80 now. That is only the food cost.

 

Also the amount of relatives to be invited. My husband and I come from big extended families who all expect to be invited. However the default wedding gift is cash so most wedding dinner expenses are offset by the cash gifts. Number of guests can range from 200 to 700 depending on the number of relatives, parents' friends and the bridal couple's friends being invited.

 

ETA:

For my family culture, the main cost is food. People come to wedding dinners for the food, other than to tease the bridal couple.

Edited May 29, 2017 by Arcadia

[HS Mom in NC]

I got married in the PHX area (middle class suburbs) 24 years ago.  It cost $2,000, not including my engagement ring.  My parents paid for the wedding which I insisted be no more than 45 people. My in-laws paid for the rehearsal/out of town guests dinner.  I don't know what that cost.  I hate froof and wanted to elope; the wedding was a concession to by husband.  It would've been better if we had eloped. We had a cake, fruit, nut and punch wedding. We got married at my in-law's house. We each had 2 attendants in the wedding party and 1 flower girl. We're still married.

We gave each of our engaged daughters $5,000 for their wedding, reception, honeymoon, setting up a home, travel funds, savings, or whatever else they want to do with it.  That's what we can afford.  (We're debt free and are never going back into debt.) They can add to it from their own earnings or not and spend it however they like on whatever they like-it's none of my business what they do with it now that it's been given to them, but that's all they're getting because that's all we can afford.

 

They were given a copy of Dave Ramsay's Complete Money Makeover when they became adults.  Our kids were given a set annual allowance for clothes, allowance, and cosmetics divided into payments every 2 weeks when they were 12 and 14 and an envelope system wallet for about a year.  They did fine with that so they got a debit card for their own accounts linked to ours that we could directly deposit in.

 

They had to save a certain percentage of their allowance for a car from the time they were 5, which was a few thousand dollars. My dad generously gave them a couple thousand each on their 18th birthdays.  That's what they spent on their cars-used, older economy models with great repair records.  If they want something more, they'll have to fund it themselves.

 

We could afford cc/skilled labor training out of pocket for them.  After that they had to get loans they could pay back in a reasonable amount of time. They chose routes that didn't include debt and one is self supporting with a full time job and full benefits at 19 and the 21 year old is not quite self supporting yet.

 

  They understand that decisions shouldn't ultimately be made on wants and desires-decisions should ultimately be made on math and budgets.  That's the thing about math; it doesn't care how you feel about it.

[HS Mom in NC]

Also, more than any other entity, I blame pinterest!!!

 

And before Pinterest we had wedding magazines and Disney princess movies.

 

[FaithManor]

For a Chinese traditional wedding banquet perspective,

 

Cost per person for sit down dinner at a hotel's banquet hall was >=$50 in the 90s but is hard to find for less than $80 now. That is only the food cost.

 

Also the amount of relatives to be invited. My husband and I come from big extended families who all expect to be invited. However the default wedding gift is cash so most wedding dinner expenses are offset by the cash gifts. Number of guests can range from 200 to 700 depending on the number of relatives, parents' friends and the bridal couple's friends being invited.

 

ETA:

For my family culture, the main cost is food. People come to wedding dinners for the food, other than to tease the bridal couple.

Family culture is a huge influence. Also business culture...I did a wedding once for a local banker's daughter. He had business associates that would have been profoundly offended to not be invited as well as entertained in style. He was not an extravagant man by nature, but could not go out of his way to offend business associates. So fine linens, China, band, steak and lobster. The bank he managed was not some big corporate one like Wells Fargo or Chase. Just some mid size regional bank. I doubt he made even six figures, and likely borrowed from his retirement to pay for the shindig. Not cool, but he felt heavily pressured. Edited May 29, 2017 by FaithManor

[Guest]

My wedding 22 years ago cost around $1500, attended by @75 people.

 

My big, fat, greek (okay, german and scots-irish) family did most of it themselves. I have a multi-talented extended family. Gown, florals, cake, catering.. even the pastor was my mother's cousin.

 

It was perfect.

Edited May 29, 2017 by Kinsa

[HS Mom in NC]

For the record, if an expensive wedding is in the budget, and that's what the bride and groom want, I have no issue with people spending the money on it.  If it isn't in the budget, then it's a terrible idea.

[Χά�ων]

Go check out wedding wire for the complete list of things the happy couple MUST or be told they should be shunned. It is all about a checklist of Must Do's to make the guests happy. The posts and thread are jawdroppingly insane if there is someone who dares to want to do something different.

 

I think it is a load of dung.

 

ETA: The must do to please others is a load of dung, not getting married. Even more dung if the couple or families cannot afford the must dos and have to take out loans or set themselves back financially in order to appease the wedding planning gods.

Edited May 29, 2017 by Χά�ων

[Carol in Cal.]

I grew up going to weddings.   In my church, people invited entire families to them, not just adults.

They were the norm that I more or less pictured when I planned mine.

That meant--invite a ton of people, have dancing (huge value of mine), church wedding, reception elsewhere, a meal if the time slots worked out that way.  Tuxes.  Fancy dress.  Coordinating brides' maid dresses.  And an actual veil over my face, which DH pulled back, very dramatic, but that's what people did in the 60s, so we did it in the 80s--the only ones I know of who did in those days.  

 

So that's what we did.  It was lovely, and it wasn't showoffy.  But it was fairly expensive.  This was 1987.  My dress cost $804 plus about $200 for alterations.  It had really big shoulders, lol.  I think the veil was around $125.  I tried on dresses that were more and less expensive, but this was lower midrange of the ones that were not utterly scratchy.  I bought dye to match pumps and put insoles in them, and left them white.  We had a sit down luncheon reception, which was less expensive than either a dinner or any kind of buffet would have been.  It was in a beautiful ballroom in an old, classic hotel, so there was no need for a lot of flowers--we had altar bouquets and bride/bridesmaid bouquets, boutennears (SP) for the guys, and IIRC corsages for the mothers at the church.  At the reception just a bridal table low arrangement, and bud vases at each table.  We paid the pastor and an organist, and I think we paid something to the church as well.  The food was around $5000 for about 125 people.  We had a champagne toast and white wine with lunch which added another maybe $500-1000 to the bill for the hotel.  We paid the photographer a ton.  The DJ was good, and we paid him extra to stay longer than planned.  Everyone who came said it was the best party in years.  Because we had the reception at the hotel, they threw in a night in a bridal suite as part of the package--that was great, and we never would have paid to stay there otherwise.

 

At the time I felt like we were not extravagant but not frugal either.  We were both on our own, and we figured on paying for everything, but my parents ended up chipping in toward the total, but not paying for it entirely.  DH's parents paid for the dress rehearsal dinner the night before.

 

I would say that we had a great wedding but not a completely OTT one, but we were not looking to show off, just to have a good time and enjoy ourselves and have the guests enjoy themselves, too. 

 

 

Edited May 29, 2017 by Carol in Cal.

[Danestress]

I don't have a strong opinion. When I got married we had a 50 person wedding. We both have small families and my father did not invite any business associates at all, so that door was not opened.

 

It was not cheap, but most of the excess expense was to suit my parents. They would not want to host a wedding without a nice sit down meal and open bar. They want to not let people travel and then feed them hor d'oeurves (for me personally hor d'oeurves are my favorite meal).

 

My mother is not someone who wants any do-it-yourself projects on her list. I was not that interested in wedding stuff. So Mom found a venue, chose the food, hired musicians, and I showed up. I did have my dress made. I went to the florist with her. So she really made the decisions that drove the budget. I was willing to just let her do it because I was busy, lived in another state, and knew she would do it nicely.

 

I have sons. The first married at the magistrate's and we took them out for a very nice meal. Got off easy.

 

I would absolutely hate to do a daughters wedding that required a lot of creativity in my part. I'm just not good at that kind of thing. If would cause me so much stress! I can see paying people to handle details to avoid that. I would not want to ask my friends to do the work.

 

But I also wouldn't spend $25k. So I guess I would hope for a small wedding!

Edited May 29, 2017 by Danestress

[Seasider]

When I worked for a major hotel chain, and later a very exclusive private hotel, I catered few weddings that weren't at 50K. I worked at three weddings that were more than a million dollars. Now, that is the money that you have to spend to not worry about details at the wedding. IMO, if you don't spend that amount, you will be responsible for many details. Does that mean your wedding won't be amazing??? No. That means you will have to worry about details. You won't have a worry free wedding (unless you are a type Q personality) without spending a lot of money for other people to worry. That's why the price tag is there. When you don't worry someone else does, it's perfectly reasonable that they charge for their stress.

 

If you want an afternoon wedding with cake and a DJ, which is quite lovely, you could probably do it for less than 5K. But that is what you are having. Not a dinner event.

I agree that you (ideally) get what you pay for, but I would use the term handle rather than worry. The more you handle yourself, the less you have to pay someone else.

 

I think the kicker is what people expect a wedding to look like these days. So many expectations are off the charts! Quill, I think most folks can have a really beautiful event for far less than $25K. But one's heart is set on a pricey venue, catered dinner and all the trimmings, it's going to be more than $5K.

[redheadmom]

So full disclosure I run my own event planning company so I get to see this from both sides.

 

The average cost is just that average. Most couples probably spend under $10k. A great website is http://www.costofwedding.com. You can search for the costs in your area and what each category is costing.

 

Personally I find that venues are one of the most important decision in regards to budget. That one decision impacts many other expenses. The second factor is the guest count. 300 guests cost a lot more than 80. If brides want their wedding to look like many of those published on the wedding blogs and Pinterest, they end up spending more. However, I have worked with many brides who had lovely weddings for much, much less.

[frogger]

When I worked for a major hotel chain, and later a very exclusive private hotel, I catered few weddings that weren't at 50K. I worked at three weddings that were more than a million dollars. Now, that is the money that you have to spend to not worry about details at the wedding. IMO, if you don't spend that amount, you will be responsible for many details. Does that mean your wedding won't be amazing??? No. That means you will have to worry about details. You won't have a worry free wedding (unless you are a type Q personality) without spending a lot of money for other people to worry. That's why the price tag is there. When you don't worry someone else does, it's perfectly reasonable that they charge for their stress.

 

If you want an afternoon wedding with cake and a DJ, which is quite lovely, you could probably do it for less than 5K. But that is what you are having. Not a dinner event.

 

This would explain the average. If you looked up the median it might give you a better idea. If 10 people spend $1000 on a wedding and another person spends a million the mathematical average will look nothing like the "average" as in normal wedding.

[AndyJoy]

I had a college classmate whose family was wealthy. Here are some of the wedding details I know about:

 

Held at a fancy hotel in Los Angeles

 

Over 200 guests, meal was $100 a plate

 

Hired a 40-member choir from the college for $100 per person, plus served them the $100 per plate meal

 

Cake was $3,000+

Dress was $5,000+

(I don't remember exact details, I think these figures are low)

 

Wedding present from groom's parents was $50,000 house down-payment.

 

Big contrast with my wedding:

 

Dress $100 on clearance + $150 alterations

Borrowed crinoline & veil

I bought fabric and patterns for my bridesmaids, and they or their mothers sewed their dresses

Groom/groomsman tuxes were rented for about $50 each.

 

Spent a couple hundred on artificial flowers and plant stands which we donated to the church after. They still use my red/white flowers 14 years later in their memorial day/July 4 arrangements :)

 

MIL made the cake, which looked very professional but simple.

 

Decorations for the 1950s themed reception were mostly bought at thrift stores (roller skates, diner aprons, records) or DIY. My mom sewed checkered table runners.

 

Around 200 guests. Food served was veggies, cheese and crackers, nuts, mints, cake, punch.

 

Photographer was a prison guard who did photography as a hobby/side job for $200 :).

 

No alcohol, no DJ, $50 cleaning fee for using the church.

 

I made the invitations myself.

 

Our "big splurge" was $250 for a plane ticket to fly our favorite professor/ pastor out to perform the ceremony. He stayed with a family from our church and they hit it off so well that they still exchange Christmas cards.

 

I don't know the exact total, but it was under $4,000 for sure.

 

So many people told me that my wedding was more fun than any other they'd attended.

 

Our honeymoon was 2 nights at a B&B around $120 per night, 1 night camping outside Yosemite, 1 night at a Super 8 while we waited for the apartment rental office to open so we could sign a lease :).

 

Our two weddings averaged to well over $25,000.

Edited May 29, 2017 by AndyJoy

[regentrude]

I think it is completely ridiculous to blow 20k+ on a single party.

I hope my kids will feel similarly when they are ready to get married.

 

I don't even get why one would spend several hundred dollars on a dress that is worn on a single occasion only. 

Edited May 29, 2017 by regentrude

[Beth S]

This has been such a helpful thread to me (a frugal MOB 3 years ago).

We gave our DD & her groom $3K, with the idea that they could spend more, but it would be their money.

(They stayed within the budget.)

Our church family loves weddings, and they volunteer accordingly.

IAfter the fact, I counted 100 friends, of the 275 attendees, contributed significantly to the effort.

 

So, this quote (from a PP) was true for us (we hope):  "The types of weddings associated with lower likelihood of divorce are those that are relatively inexpensive but are high in attendance."  . . . because of all the volunteers.

 

And yes, you can pay people so that you don't have to worry about wedding plans.  That was a profound statement (from a PP) 

We worried.  I was in the church basement's kitchen mixing chicken salad at 6am the morning of the wedding.  Just sayin'

 

Yes, choice of venue, time of day, menu, size of bridal party are all things which are within the power to CHOOSE.

 

And yes, I highly recommend that you volunteer to help your dear friend who is trying to host a wedding for her daughter. 

 

Hosting an affordable wedding is do-able, but I agree that you have to "worry"(and DIY) and you have to push the responsibility for the final budget onto the bride (somehow).

Edited May 29, 2017 by Beth S

[mom@shiloh]

Twelve years ago, Midwest wedding -- we gave our dd $5K to spend as she wished and pocket what was left.  We put in quite a bit of sweat equity.  I sewed dresses, grew flowers and did the flower arranging, also made the desserts.  She had a nice wedding with several attendants and a sit down dinner and walked away with about $1K.

 

We did the same with her sister five years later, but upped it to $6K.  Her sister chose an outdoor wedding, which was more expensive, but the groom's parents helped with some of it.  We made a lot of the food ourselves.  It was a nice, fun wedding.  I don't know if she had any money left over or not.  

 

My ds got married about two years ago.  We weren't in charge of finances for that, but it was a beautiful outdoor wedding and very simple.  The reception was in a park shelter house.  Not your typical shelter house -- huge stone pillars and fire places at each end, very nice.  They also prepared a lot of the food themselves and spent less than $3K.  

 

It can be done.  In my opinion, it should be done.  

[DawnM]

Dh's cousin paid $75K.   Her parents told her she could spend it on a wedding or have a cheeper wedding and save the rest.  She chose the wedding.  She regretted it.  She said saving $50K for a downpayment on a house would have been far better.

 

Um, yeah!

 

Another friend says she gave each child (3 of them) $10K for their weddings.   They could get the rest (if there needed to be more) from the future spouses family, or pay for it themselves, but that was her max.

 

My parents gave me $10K.  I spent $5K only to save them money.  At the end, my father insisted we keep the other $5K.   Dh's parents contributed nothing, other than criticism at our wedding.   Sigh.

 

I will be encouraging a very simple wedding, although I have sons, so I guess if the bride's parents want to pay......

 

 

[Guest]

This would explain the average. If you looked up the median it might give you a better idea. If 10 people spend $1000 on a wedding and another person spends a million the mathematical average will look nothing like the "average" as in normal wedding.

True, but I don't actually think the person who was using the term "average" was using it in the mathematical, statistical way. I think she was stating it from the experience of her DIL saying, "The least expensive weddings I have done are $25K. Nobody does a normal wedding for less than that. Some spend far, far more than that."

[Guest]

Twelve years ago, Midwest wedding -- we gave our dd $5K to spend as she wished and pocket what was left. We put in quite a bit of sweat equity. I sewed dresses, grew flowers and did the flower arranging, also made the desserts. She had a nice wedding with several attendants and a sit down dinner and walked away with about $1K.

 

We did the same with her sister five years later, but upped it to $6K. Her sister chose an outdoor wedding, which was more expensive, but the groom's parents helped with some of it. We made a lot of the food ourselves. It was a nice, fun wedding. I don't know if she had any money left over or not.

 

My ds got married about two years ago. We weren't in charge of finances for that, but it was a beautiful outdoor wedding and very simple. The reception was in a park shelter house. Not your typical shelter house -- huge stone pillars and fire places at each end, very nice. They also prepared a lot of the food themselves and spent less than $3K.

 

It can be done. In my opinion, it should be done.

I would really like that, personally.

 

The wedding I most enjoyed out of my nieces and nephews that have married was at the bride's parents' big farm in the countryside, with the Appalacian mountains in the background. I know the bride and her family did a lot of the details like flowers and decorations (easy to do if it is at your parents' farm). They did have a rented tent, though; I know those are not necessarily far less expensive than renting a building. But I loved that my younger kids were invited and there were other children (cousins, nephews) in attendance. I would like to know what their wedding budget was, though I could not get that info from my SIL; she is not one to brag about how inexpensive something was. She's the other way.

[Bluegoat]

I'm home alone tonight and want to discuss this with my virtual friends. 😊 So, I was sitting amongst in-laws, who have grown children; they are talking about weddings. One SIL has an event planner as a DIL. Budgets are being bandied about and SIL makes a declaration that you can't have a "normal" wedding for anything less than $25k. Well...obviously there are many factors that will affect this budget, and it also obviously varies a lot by area of the country (presumably true in non-US countries as well), but it seems probable that the many scores of people who couldn't cough up $25k for a wedding in their dizziest daydreams are still, in fact, getting married, and at least some percentage are surely still having a "normal" wedding (i.e., not an elopement, not immediate family only, etc.); they are doing it somehow.

 

I know when I got married (granted - 24 years ago), my parents did not contribute a dime, although my mother put in substantial sweat equity and some of her friends acted as caterers. Some aspects of a "normal" wedding we simply went without (no limousine, no staffed caterers) and many things were DIY (centerpieces, programs, all flowers, videography). Our wedding cost was a bit over $5k for everything.

 

But I'm curious what my Hive mamas with grown kids do and think about this topic. Most helpful if you can give details and current dollars and probably general location. (P.S. - I am not saying I can only hear from penny pinchers - if you have a generous budget in mind and you feel this is an important area to NOT shave costs, that is a perfectly fine point to make as well. 😊) I think it just always annoys me when people speak as though it is simply not possible to do XYZ without a healthy heap of cash to do it with.

 

I paid about the same as you did for my wedding, about 12 years ago. Many (most) of my friends also paid much less than $25,000. I am in Canada, and in my part of the country I'd say costs are probably comparable to medium COL places in the US.  Some things may be cheaper but others more expensive.

 

Today it would cost more, but still not over $20,000.

 

As far as my own wedding, I think it was "normal".  I had about 120 guests.  The wedding was in an attractive historic church.  The reception was on the harbor at the yacht club, with a sit down dinner of bbq chicken, salad, corn on the cob, and strawberry shortcake.  I had it in August which is high wedding season here.  There was a dance with a band after the supper.

 

We managed to get good deals on a few things - the rest of the reason if wasn't over-priced was just that we didn't spend money on things that were really peripheral. 

 

The good deals were: the wedding cake was lovely and cost about $100 which was quite cheap - the lady that did it had opened a new catering shop and was looking to get some photos and things to get her business going, and some good references.  The venue was only $150 as my in-laws were club members.  Had we gone somewhere else we'd have been looking at about $500 for something more like a church hall or legion.  And we paid less than $300 for the band because it was my uncle's band.  If circumstances been otherwise we'd have had a dj or just a home-made playlist.

 

As far as economizing, I paid under $40 for my dress and my bridesmaids wore dresses they already had.  (My dh did get a new suit.)  I only bought a minimal number of flowers from the florist - bouquets for my bridesmaids and myself and small things for dh and his best man. We didn't decorate the church.  The tables for the reception I had potted mums from the home reno store.  I printed invitations and simple leaflets for the church myself.  We did not rent vehicles.  We didn't have tokens or stuff at the table for people to take home.  For photos I had a few posed photos taken by my step-dad and had lots f people taking candids with disposables we had at the reception, and we have some very lovely pictures.  We did pay for wine with the supper.

 

Essentially I wanted people to feel like they had a good meal and fun dancing, without caring much about the trappings that people don't remember, especially if they cost a lot.

 

I have other friends that had even simpler weddings that were still "normal".  They had a stand-up reception with sparkling wine and lots of goodies midmorning, and it was lovely. 

Edited May 29, 2017 by Bluegoat

[MedicMom]

I have three friends(two coworkers and my sister in law) getting married this summer. Friend #1 is spending around 35K on his wedding, including the honeymoon. I don't know for sure how much friend #2 is spending, but considering the size of the guest list and the venue, I'm betting upwards of $40k including the honeymoon.

 

My sister in law is doing it for much much less. Somewhere around 8K. She's marrying in her church, whichever has a nominal fee for members, using an American legion for the reception, and cutting the guest list. Because in her church the culture is to invite everyone, she's inviting everyone to the wedding and a light reception, and only a small number(around 100) to the actual reception. We are paying for her DJ as a wedding present.

I'm actually annoyed because the dress for the bridesmaids is going to cost me $238, and I can't buy it used because I need it tailored. My own wedding dress didn't cost $80.

Edited May 29, 2017 by MedicMom

[Guest]

Dh and I attended the wedding of two airmen once. They got married in the local park and the reception was bbq and fried chicken at the park shelter. The whole thing could not have cost them more than a few hundred dollars, but you know what? It was lovely. You could see the love for each other in their eyes, and the end result was the exact same as if it cost them tens of thousands of dollars. That's what matters at a wedding.

Edited May 29, 2017 by Kinsa

[FaithManor]

I wish there were more free places or really low price to hold weddings in this area. That would help. But due to shrinking offerings at churches shrinking number of contributors at the VFW, the Moose Lodge, etc. cuts to the state and city parks budgets, everything has a BIG fee. A few, not many, churches mostly Catholic and Lutheran allow members to use the sanctuary for free for the ceremony, but almost none allow the use of their fellowship halls. Most of the other churches charge plain and simple no matter how long you have been a member there. $25.00 to unlock the church, $500 to rent it, $25.00 an hour custodial, ..... The city parks are not free. If you have a gathering of more than 20, you pay $250 or more. The justice of the peace hours have been cut back. Big fee, and only does marriages one Friday afternoon per month. I know of no pastor that charges less than $125.00, though the priests do it for free yet as part of their ministries. A judge to preside over a secular ceremony off site of his or her chambers is a very expensive option.

 

Eldest Ds got ordained online in a secular officiant program in order to perform a ceremony for his friends who had very little money to spend. They got married in the U of MI Flint university center. Nothing formal. They emailed their friends and told them to show up at lunch time to the second floor study area. Ds wore his suit, marriage license in hand. Groom had dress pants, button down and tie, she wore a white undress but than had flowers and ribbon in her long French braid, and blingy shoes. A couple of friends who were art majors were on hand with their nice cameras and so handed over the memory cards at the end of the event. Another friend who was a voice major, sang Capella, and anyone who was hanging out in UCen was treated to witnessing it. Then they all tripped over to the terrace of the Flint Farmer's Market - three blocks - and shared bottled, favored water, and a decorated sheet cake.

 

No frills. But very happy. They, I hate to say it, got away with this because both the bride and groom were orphaned young, abandoned by extended family to foster care. There were no family members with expectations to meet. In that respect, being so alone, was very sad. Heartbreaking. As a mom,it made me cry to hear that they had no family to care for them. However, they surrounded themselves with a support network of friends and made the best of a difficult situation.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I'm too practical to spend that kind of money on a wedding.  25k is a huge chunk of change and would be better spent on something like a house which is something one will use every day until they die (verses a one day party).

 

 

[SamanthaCarter]

You all realize that an average is skewed upwards right? So the bottom is fixed at $0 and the top is unlimited $$. Those milti-million dollar weddings out there skew the average. It's be more useful to talk about the median. <RANT>

 

I'm a little embarrassed about mine. Everything was bought, because I was working and had no family in the state. I wanted a small wedding, my in laws wanted to invite everyone they knew. I wanted my mom to come down and be a momzilla, but that is so far from her nature that it laughable. I ended up spending around 10K on a wedding and on site-reception with live music. It was fine. But it was a lot of money spent on people I didn't, still don't know. And my parents paid for it. :/ I decided shortly afterward that the only truly important thing to spend money on in a wedding was photography. It's the only thing that lasts. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

You all realize that an average is skewed upwards right? So the bottom is fixed at $0 and the top is unlimited $$. Those milti-million dollar weddings out there skew the average. It's be more useful to talk about the median. <RANT>

 

I'm a little embarrassed about mine. Everything was bought, because I was working and had no family in the state. I wanted a small wedding, my in laws wanted to invite everyone they knew. I wanted my mom to come down and be a momzilla, but that is so far from her nature that it laughable. I ended up spending around 10K on a wedding and on site-reception with live music. It was fine. But it was a lot of money spent on people I didn't, still don't know. And my parents paid for it. :/ I decided shortly afterward that the only truly important thing to spend money on in a wedding was photography. It's the only thing that lasts. 

 

There ya go:

 

https://www.theweddingreport.com/index.cfm/action/blog/view/post/pid/670/title/2016_U_S__Median_Cost_of_a_Wedding_was__14_399

 

That's still an amount I find ridiculous for a party that lasts less than a day.