What Do You Think About "Average" Wedding Prices?

[BlsdMama]

I was blown away when I learned that not having any wine/beer at the reception is another one of those sins...

 

It can also be one of the biggest expenses. Or maybe just my inlaws...

 

 

Nope, definitely my family too on both sides.  But we just opted not to do it... 'Cuz we could.  So the reception was at the church and the timing was morning.  (Now, that is something I will NEVER do again - a morning DIY wedding is a logistical nightmare.)

 

But you have to ask who is this mythical "they" that would tell the bride/groom that their WEDDING was unacceptable?  They cannot possibly love and adore the couple.  And so I have decided their "vote" does not count.  So there. :P ;) 

[Guest]

We had only a champagne toast at our wedding reception (no other alcohol), and I received a lot of flack about it. They could kiss my rear end though because I didn't want *MY* wedding memories to be infused with drunken escapades. It was my wedding, my choice. The bar was just down the street if it was that important to them.

[QueenCat]

I love your quiz! Made me laugh, in a way. I remember the same things you do, the fun parts, the sweet parts. Family and friends celebrating together. There was always food, a meal of some sort, and I do remember bbq buffets at two of them recently. A sit down, plated dinner at the last one. I don't remember what we ate, just that it was a meal. Only one in the past several were at a church. Three were outside (one in scorching New Mexico heat).

 

 

 

Here's a pop quiz:


Last five weddings you attended - 

 

What was the food served?

What was the bride wearing?
What was the church decorated like?
What was the reception like?

 

See, here's the thing, and maybe I am one of those oblivious types (okay, I really kinda AM one of those oblviious types.)  We just attended one of my BFF's daughters weddings.  I cannot remember what we ate.  I remember it was good, lol, but it wasn't complex.  (She had BTDT for an older daughter and wasn't going to make herself crazy this time around.)

 

What I do remember - they did a GREAT daddy/daughter dance.

The bride looked beautiful in her cowboy boots!

Everyone was having such a great time.

 

[SamanthaCarter]

Here's a pop quiz:

 

 

Last five weddings you attended - 

 

What was the food served?

What was the bride wearing?

What was the church decorated like?

What was the reception like?

 

 

 

I don't remember! It's been a long time. Probably some were my sisters. My sister had barbecue and the decorations were mostly the church's Christmas decor. I did the cupcakes and a cutting cake for photos. I don't remember her dress. Another sister did her vows on top of a mountain and had a reception at mom and dad's farm. She was doing most of it herself and hence was a bit of a bridezilla, because nobody helping could do it right (decorations). She had barbecue too. 

Edited June 1, 2017 by SamanthaCarter

[Guest]

Nope, definitely my family too on both sides. But we just opted not to do it... 'Cuz we could. So the reception was at the church and the timing was morning. (Now, that is something I will NEVER do again - a morning DIY wedding is a logistical nightmare.)

 

But you have to ask who is this mythical "they" that would tell the bride/groom that their WEDDING was unacceptable? They cannot possibly love and adore the couple. And so I have decided their "vote" does not count. So there. :P ;)

I hear ya, but I do think in some circles, there is a sort of minimum standard, and if it is less than that, there is some judgement that I find hard to bear, honestly. I really wouldn't want my daughter's wedding to be the one that had people saying afterward, "I cannot believe they had so little food! How embarrassing!" Or whatever thing. There is such a thing as having people at the wedding who may not be your adoring fans; people you invite because you can't really not. I mean, heck, if I really thought I could plan a wedding any way I wanted with no social obligations whatsoever, I would not invite two of my SILs. But the fall out from that would make my life a basket of misery, so they will be invited, even though they will find fault about something they didn't think was good enough. Sometimes, too, there are business associates you sort of have to invite...technically, you could avoid it, but it's generally worth it to keep in the good graces of certain people who help contribute to your livelihood.

 

I do think ideally, one would have a big, yet inexpensive wedding where family and friends come and happily contribute to making the day awesome. Lots of people there, who care about the couple and nobody there who is just here for a nice meal and something to gossip about. But I haven't been to many weddings - or any weddings - like that.

[Carol in Cal.]

We had only a champagne toast at our wedding reception (no other alcohol), and I received a lot of flack about it. They could kiss my rear end though because I didn't want *MY* wedding memories to be infused with drunken escapades. It was my wedding, my choice. The bar was just down the street if it was that important to them.

 

We had a champagne toast and wine with a plated, sit down luncheon. 

There WAS a bar elsewhere in the hotel.  Unfortunately a few guests decided to buy hard drinks for my dad.  Unfortunately this was one of only two times in my life when I saw him show the effects of alcohol visibly.  VERY unfortunately my stupid FOO did not then forbid him to drive them home.  FORTUNATELY they got home safely.

[Guest]

Here's a pop quiz:

 

 

Last five weddings you attended -

 

What was the food served?

What was the bride wearing?

What was the church decorated like?

What was the reception like?

 

 

Also, I understand what you're getting at, here, but I could tell you those things about the last five weddings I've been to, because they have all been nieces and nephews, and I think about what things I would or would not want when it is my kids' turns to get married.

 

The recent weddings I enjoyed the most were the three in which all of my kids were invited (they were first cousins), because I don't care about having a fancy "adult" affair; I care about seeing my kids have fun and witness the beginning of a new family. But it is interesting what priorities people have. Some of my ILs did not even bring their children to the weddings in which the kids were invited, because they wanted to have their "adult" time. And then, these are the same people who think the "best" wedding out of the nieces/nephews married so far was the fanciest one, the most "adult" one. My kids were not invited to that one and so, to me, that was not "the best" wedding. It was very nice, for sure. But I like the emphasis on family the best, so "the best" wedding in my mind was the big, family farm wedding with all the kids invited, even though that was not the most expensive.

 

ETA: clarify what I said.

Edited June 1, 2017 by Quill

[FaithManor]

Last five.

Four were buffet and one was plated. Of the buffets, one was a three meat, three vegetable, two salads, rolls, and choice of potato . The others were two meat, two veggie, one salad, rolls, and potatoes.

Plated meant choice of steak, seafood, or chicken and choice made at RSVP time. Baked potato, roll, side salad, green beans or asparagus type sides.

Three had wedding cake, two had cupcakes...some had chocolate dipped strawberries as well. None served alcohol.

Bride wore a long, white gown of some flavor.

Church usually had some florals, candle arrangement of some type, and bows or florals on pews to reserve for parents and grandparents. Here, people will go sit right up front with the family if you don't mark the pews. A small floral, bow, or tussie mussie with a sign is kind of normal.

Reception was dancing at all of them with formal cutting of cake or in the case of cupcakes, cake top. Lots of milling about visiting. Varying levels of decorations, but all at facilities where linens were provided and skirting of the head and cake tables with twinkle lights underneath for back-lighting.

Edited June 1, 2017 by FaithManor

[La Condessa]

I never realized that many churches do weddings as a sort of side business.  It had actually never occurred to me that a church would charge money for one of its own members to be married there.

 

In my church culture, couples are married in the temple with a very small group of family members and closest friends present, then do family pictures outside and have a reception with many more relatives and guests later in the day, usually at the church meetinghouse or the backyard of a friend or family member.  They may wear tuxes or suits, and they may dress in coordinated bridesmaids' dresses or not (for the photos only, there are no bridesmaids or groomsmen in the ceremony).  The locations don't cost anything.  There is never any alcohol.  There is usually a meal, which might be catered, or might be pulled together by the ladies at church offering to help out, and a cake.  No live music, unless maybe they have a musical family member who wants to share.

 

So even one of the most expensive wedding receptions I have been to would still only have a cost for catering, flowers (for the wedding party, not huge decorations), pictures, and clothes.

[HS Mom in NC]

The interesting thing about the pop quiz is that it assumes the ceremony at a church.

I've been to weddings at:

someone's home (mine at my in-laws')

on the PHX zoo's land that's for large very nice outdoor gatherings (my mother's wealthy cousin)

a chapel in the mountains of Colorado (husband's co-worker during our honeymoon to the mountains of Colorado)

a small wedding venue: converted historic home with outdoor court yard grounds (my brother's)

neighborhood clubhouse: half designed for seating/ceremony the other half for dinner, drinks and dancing (husband's sister's)
hotel: lovely grounds and ballroom (friend from church)

 

We were invited to an outdoor wedding on the cliffs of CA for an insane 2 day multi-event wedding for a co-worker of my husband (bride was a Chinese immigrant) but we declined as I had a toddler and newborn and attachment parent-the groom couldn't grasp the idea that we wouldn't leave or kids for 2 days and go out of state for their wedding.  Oh well.

 

Sure, I've been to weddings at Baptist churches, Catholic churches, and non-denominational churches too, but not every Christian gets married at church, usually because other venues allow for larger groups, drinking and dancing. Around here, the trend seems to be moving in the direction of  marrying where you party for the sake of simplicity. I'd say it's half and half for Christian weddings, in my experience. 

And, of course, I've done the close family/friends at a restaurant after the bride and groom have a Justice of the Peace civil ceremony.

[Library Momma]

This is such an interesting thread  I've been to dozens of weddings and been a bridesmaid about 8 times and a maid of honor twice. I've been to weddings in CT, MA, PA, NY, NJ CA, MD, TX, and FL I've been to weddings that run the gamut from fairly modest to elaborate, and they have all had the same basic structure.   

 

Ceremony - either in a church or synagogue or at the wedding venue  - sparsely to elaborately decorated with flowers, ribbons, lights etc.  Bride wearing white, groomsmen in suits or tuxes, bridesmaids in either matching or coordinating dresses sometimes a flower girl and or ring bearer

 

Cocktail hour  - smaller weddings have had only crudite and cheeses, maybe passed hors d'ouerves.  Others have had stations set up in addition to the passed apps including a pasta station, seafood bar, carving station etc.

 

Dinner - either buffet or multi course sit down.  

 

Music - either a dj or band

 

Dessert - A cake or cupcakes.  Some have also had dessert tables in addition including sundae bars or a Viennese table.  I remember there was a big trend in the 90's to have sparklers when the dessert table is revealed

 

Most weddings have had an open bar.  I went to one that had beer and wine.  I've never been to a wedding that didn't serve a meal or alcohol.

 

[creekland]

Just musing that it's not a big surprise to me after reading this thread that many of the younger crowd (or even older crowd) are opting to elope instead.  I would if our family had so many "necessities" for weddings.  I'm NOT a party person.  I really prefer low key myself and I'm quite ok with what others choose for themselves.  Food or not.  Destination wedding or not.  Church or not.  Alcohol or not.  Decorations - any style - or none.  Ditto with music.  To me, it's all their choice and I'm along for the ride when I opt to attend.

[Bluegoat]

Last 5 weddings - I'm going to include one I am going to this summer for my sister:

 

1. Ceremony with JP at a city-owned boat club, immediatly followed by reception - sit down supper time meal, chicken.  White wedding gown, in $800 range.

2. In a hotel for ceremony and reception, buffet, roast beef.  Dance.  Big white wedding gown.  Cost a lot.

3. Ceremony and wedding in hotel, mid-morning.  (Meant to be in garden but there was a hurricane.) Cocktail kinds of plates and cupcakes instead of wedding cake.  Big wedding gown.

4. Wedding at Catholic chaple that looked like a flying saucer.  Flowers for décor tied to pews.  (Why did they  bother, this was a hugely ugly building?)  Big wedding gown.  Reception at hall in a university (nice with wood paneling, portraits, etc.)  Sit down dinner by university caterer, dj and dancing.

5. Ceremony in small town church, reception in fire hall.  Catered by the family, lots of things like crock-pot meatballs.  Flowers main décor. White dress but not a gown.  Very large guest list.

[vonfirmath]

The interesting thing about the pop quiz is that it assumes the ceremony at a church.

 

I've been to weddings at:

 

someone's home (mine at my in-laws')

on the PHX zoo's land that's for large very nice outdoor gatherings (my mother's wealthy cousin)

a chapel in the mountains of Colorado (husband's co-worker during our honeymoon to the mountains of Colorado)

a small wedding venue: converted historic home with outdoor court yard grounds (my brother's)

neighborhood clubhouse: half designed for seating/ceremony the other half for dinner, drinks and dancing (husband's sister's)

hotel: lovely grounds and ballroom (friend from church)

 

 

If your brother's wedding was in the Phoenix area -- I wonder if it was the same converted historic home my SIL was married in last year.

[meganrussell]

This is a fascinating thread to me. I'm from rural northeast Louisiana, and I've never NEVER been to a wedding with a sit down meal. For the dress rehearsal, the wedding party and close family are served a meal - sometimes catered (usually BBQ), sometimes a potluck style. After the service, there is cake, punch, and snack-foods - nuts, cookies, dips, crackers, maybe sandwiches, meatballs, lil smokies. There's sometimes music, sometimes dancing, and the bride and groom always leave for their honeymoon several hours after wedding service. There is never alcohol or a bar, as most people marry in a church. This must be a regional difference, because I've been to many weddings in my area, and they are NOT focused on food, decor, expensive things, but rather on the couple marrying and the friends, family, and good time their having.

 

My daughter is 14, but has already "planned" her wedding. Thankfully, it sounds like she wants a simple, inexpensive wedding with a fun party afterwards. No alcohol, because we don't drink. So I'm hoping a couple thousand or less, and then we will gift her and her husband with money we didn't spend on a wedding.

 

And for what it's worth, I do not think spending huge amounts of money on a wedding is wise at all. Think of where that money could go - down payment on a house, new furniture, pay down debt. My husband and I went to the JOP and do t regret a minute of it.

[Annie G]

I've been to wedding receptions  that were cake and punch and weddings that had nicely catered dinners. I enjoyed them all.  What bothers me is when a family spends way more than they can afford.  That's happening at a wedding we'll attend later this month. 

 

Hear me out- these are good friends and they have shared these details with us. Their two kids are in college- both paying their own way, and each will have well over 100k in student loans when they finish school. The parents make ok money (less than 100K a year) and are going into significant debt for this wedding. And that's with the groom's parents paying at least half. 

 

It's a pricey venue, and then there is a 90 minute cocktail period between the wedding and reception (keeping guests busy while photos are taken). Heavy appetizers such as shrimp, and an open bar. Then a formal sit down dinner. Followed by cake and a dessert bar. Followed by dancing.  Anyway, the ceremony starts at 5, cocktails at 6, dinner at 7:30, dessert at 8:30, and then dancing at nine.   

 

I'm sure it'll be a lovely event but so was the last cake, punch, and finger sandwich reception we went to last year. 

 

 

[QueenCat]

There is never alcohol or a bar, as most people marry in a church. This must be a regional difference, because I've been to many weddings in my area, and they are NOT focused on food, decor, expensive things, but rather on the couple marrying and the friends, family, and good time their having.

 

 

 

For the weddings we've been to in churches, the receptions were usually in a different locations. Alcohol was only at the reception, not the service, unless they had communion as part of their service (I've only seen that twice in my life). I wouldn't say the focus of the reception was food but that food was served as part of the reception. The focus was on spending time with the new couple, families and friends.

[meganrussell]

For the weddings we've been to in churches, the receptions were usually in a different locations. Alcohol was only at the reception, not the service, unless they had communion as part of their service (I've only seen that twice in my life). I wouldn't say the focus of the reception was food but that food was served as part of the reception. The focus was on spending time with the new couple, families and friends.

Funny, all the weddings I've been to had the reception AT the church! It's crazy how things differently according to tradition and expectations.

[FaithManor]

Those were the church weddings. I have been to a couple of outdoor ones, no church, and one in a museum.

 

If I had a ton of money, I'd have an anniversary banquet at Henry Ford Museum. All those airplanes, steam engines, .....so US. Most of our friends never get to go out for a truly nice meal, so it would be a lot of fun. But YIKES the cost! Nope. Paying for college and retirement, not an anniversary party!

[FaithManor]

I will say this, one of my niece's had a reception that looked exactly like a prom/homecoming dance. Not kidding. They had disco ball things, balloons at the tables, bubble machines, crepe paper stuff, prom kind of stuff on the tables with this Hollywood nights kind of theme. If you looked at a Shindigz or Stump's Prom Supply catalog, you would find a bunch of her wedding decorations.

 

It is the only wedding reception I have ever been to that looked like a high school dance. Seriously, it was a "Glee" show episode. Everyone over 30 left right away. The DJ had the music turned up so loud you couldn't visit, it made your ears ring, and it caused a lot of people to get headaches. Pretty sure an audiologist would be screaming about the decibel level. I don't even think the parents of the happy couple stayed for more than an hour.

 

So, maybe warn your kids to not have a high school dance reception, and keep the volume down, the disco balls at bay (they really can make some people feel dizzy). Unless of course John Travolta, Olivia Newton John, and Glee is their thing. In that case, I guess you just have to deal and wear ear plugs.

[Χά�ων]

I will say this, one of my niece's had a reception that looked exactly like a prom/homecoming dance. Not kidding. They had disco ball things, balloons at the tables, bubble machines, crepe paper stuff, prom kind of stuff on the tables with this Hollywood nights kind of theme. If you looked at a Shindigz or Stump's Prom Supply catalog, you would find a bunch of her wedding decorations.

 

It is the only wedding reception I have ever been to that looked like a high school dance. Seriously, it was a "Glee" show episode. Everyone over 30 left right away. The DJ had the music turned up so loud you couldn't visit, it made your ears ring, and it caused a lot of people to get headaches. Pretty sure an audiologist would be screaming about the decibel level. I don't even think the parents of the happy couple stayed for more than an hour.

 

So, maybe warn your kids to not have a high school dance reception, and keep the volume down, the disco balls at bay (they really can make some people feel dizzy). Unless of course John Travolta, Olivia Newton John, and Glee is their thing. In that case, I guess you just have to deal and wear ear plugs.

If it is what the couple wants, then I say they should go for it. After spending time on wedding wire forums and seeing how insanely judgemental the responses are to non traditional weddings, I am now even more supportive of a wedding that reflects what the couple wants. Even if it is something like what you describe that would make me twitch given my sensitivity to loud noises, I support the happy couple in celebrating however they want.

[Χά�ων]

Note: I am not a fan of formal anything and outright reject orchastrated traditional "right of passages". High school graduations, weddings that follow the western standard formula, etc. It does not matter the theme. I have never understood the appeal of putting my own personal touch on a ritual that is otherwise almost exactly the same as everyone else.

 

I have always been this way, I even felt prom was dumb, but you can thank whatever her name was who lectured my graduating high school class about how graduation was one of only a few times in our lives (weddings were another) when we would need to follow the perscribed ceramony and blah blah blah. I was close to walking out and would have had I been closer to the door at that time and had more time to get out.

 

But yeah, marking a common life milestone in a ceramony almost exactly the same as everyone else who has done it before seems absurd, IMHO.

[HS Mom in NC]

I'm amazed that so many guests seem it's their place to expect how someone else celebrates getting married.  I mean, what kind of terrible person would attend any other kind of party they're not hosting or paying for and expect that their own personal tastes, customs and traditions be upheld?  It's the most narcissistic thing, but people seem to feel no shame about voicing their disapproval of someone else's big day-someone else nice enough to have invited them to share it.  No wonder people abandon regions known for rigid traditionalism and go other regions to enjoy some rugged individualism.

[FaithManor]

Let it be noted that I don't really care how niece decorated. Really. It was just that she attended prom twice so I did a double take because it looked a lot like her junior prom, and weddings are usually more personalized. But whatever.

 

What I take serious issue with the decibel level. It was dangerous and unacceptable. She was very upset that so many people left quickly. I like my hearing too much to sit through that, and never went to rock concerts because of that. I think even the local high school sets a maximum volume level.

[HS Mom in NC]

 

What I take serious issue with the decibel level. It was dangerous and unacceptable. She was very upset that so many people left quickly. I like my hearing too much to sit through that, and never went to rock concerts because of that. I think even the local high school sets a maximum volume level.

 

My mother's cousin was a wedding coordinator for a large church for years. She got it established as policy that the volume be down to a lower decibel level for the first hour of the receptions because so many people would immediately leave when it was too loud.  After the first hour they could do as they liked. 

 

[shawthorne44]

I remember tidbits, but I couldn't answer all for any of the weddings I've attended.  

For example, I remember a co-workers wedding had a completely awesome church soloist singing Bach before the ceremony.  But, food?   Yes, there was some, but I can't say more than that.  Champagne was decent.  

 

Another pop quiz is asking people about events at their own weddings.   I remember the stuff I planned ahead of time.   I could tell you most of the people that were there.  But, I wasn't noticing much.   Someone could have bled a large puddle and I wouldn't have noticed unless someone slipped in it or an ambulance was called.  

[Zinnia]

My first cousin has been married for 10 years. My aunt made butter mints and cheese straws for their punch and cake reception.

 

A friend from high school married young, 24 years ago. She had green punch from a local place in town.

 

My best college friend had a brunch wedding with bagels and lox.

 

So,sure, people remember the food. :)

[Guest]

Here are the past five weddings I have attended, and these were all within the past five years, starting from the most recent:

 

1. New Year's Eve party; held at the greenhouse where the bride works. Ceremony was not especially religious; theme was rustic/barn. Bride wore a beaded, full white gown. Groom wore a tux or black suit. Meal was buffet with two entree choices; beef or fish. Cocktail hour while photos happened; appetizers served by catering staff walking through. Open bar, I think, though I had only a glass of wine. Traditional wedding cake and other desserts offered; I ate a cream puff. Live band playing (this may have been a discount, because the band is another nephew's). Wooden dance floor was used; decorations of twinkle lights, laurel sprigs, candles. Photo booth for guests. This wedding permitted people to stay for midnight New Years party, but we did not do this. Shuttle bus was available to take drunk people home. (Mixed feelings about these buses; I would feel comforted to know people aren't driving drunk. But I also don't want to encourage people to party so hard. I have a different mentality about this, obviously.)

 

2. September wedding, held at the waterfront vacation home owned by bride's parents. This was most likely the most expensive of the five. Bride's gown was gorgeous; I personally loved it - vintage-look entire lace form-fitting off-white gown. Groom did not wear a tux; he had a checked shirt, sport jacket, pants I have forgotten and brown leather shoes. Flowers were sunflower mixture, very charming. Not a religious ceremony; officiant was a secular type. Tent was employed for the reception; full catering staff. Cocktail hour during photos, with roaming staff carrying appetizers. Open bar. Also an oyster bar. Nautical theme in use; dinghy used as a giant cooler for beer. Giant Jenga and corn hole games to play during cocktail hour. Dance floor employed; nephew's band played. Sunflowers in Mason jars on tables. Chalkboards used for decor. Twinkle lights. Full buffet meal, choices of beef or fish; there may have been another choice as well. I don't remember a cake; I do remember a great variety of other desserts. Buses running to and from the hotel.

 

3. March wedding held at a church and recption was in church fellowship hall. This was the smallest wedding and probably was the least expensive. The bride wore a beautiful white gown with a sash. Groom wore a tux or black suit. Flowers were beautiful, with lillies and a lot of color. Ceremony was religious. Food was buffet with chafing dishes; something like barbecue and buns; probably "church ladies" and no catering staff. No alcohol, I don't think. I don't think there was music or dancing. There was a cake. My favorite thing about this wedding was that my kids were all invited.

 

4. August wedding at a church, with ceremony at a university the bride had attended. Bride wore a beaded, full white gown. Groom wore a grey suit. Traditional religious ceremony; the officiant was a pastor related to the bride. This was the wedding with not enough food. There was alcohol; I don't recall if it was open bar or just wine/beer. I only had wine anyway. They had a regular cake and also had a candy bar with customized M&Ms. Wedding favors were drink koozies with the date and names on it. Despite the light amount of food, I imagine this was not a cheap wedding. Music was DJ. Copious amounts of dancing. My kids were also invited to this wedding, which I appreciated. I don't remember her flowers or particular decor. They did have a fancy car to go from the church to the reception. I think it was a Bentley.

 

5. October wedding on the bride's parents' farm in the Appalachians. The most beautiful setting, IMO. Theme was rustic/barn; seating for the ceremony was on hay bales. (This was okay, but maybe not the best. I'm not sure if I would do this or not.) Ceremony was religious; officiant was a pastor who was close to the bride. Her gown was full, beaded white gown. She had a bedazzled denim jacket she put on for the reception. Groom wore a shirt, sport coat and jeans. All the groomsmen wore jeans; bridesmaids wore cotton dresses, denim jackets and cowgirl boots. Tent for reception. Music, dancing, alcohol (open bar). Steak served by buffet. (Parents are ranchers and have beef cattle.) Chocolate fondue fountain. My kids loved that silly thing. Atmosphere was "family fun." There was a DJ; there was corn hole to play. Fall flowers and decor, all put together by the bride; she did an awesome job. Candy apples as a favor. This was my favorite wedding of the five, because my kids were invited, it was a lot of fun, the setting was beautiful, and I felt that the family hit that sweet spot of putting on a nice event with a large amount of DIY and it was to good effect.