What Do You Think About "Average" Wedding Prices?

[BlsdMama]

I'm home alone tonight and want to discuss this with my virtual friends. 😊 So, I was sitting amongst in-laws, who have grown children; they are talking about weddings. One SIL has an event planner as a DIL. Budgets are being bandied about and SIL makes a declaration that you can't have a "normal" wedding for anything less than $25k. Well...obviously there are many factors that will affect this budget, and it also obviously varies a lot by area of the country (presumably true in non-US countries as well), but it seems probable that the many scores of people who couldn't cough up $25k for a wedding in their dizziest daydreams are still, in fact, getting married, and at least some percentage are surely still having a "normal" wedding (i.e., not an elopement, not immediate family only, etc.); they are doing it somehow.

 

I know when I got married (granted - 24 years ago), my parents did not contribute a dime, although my mother put in substantial sweat equity and some of her friends acted as caterers. Some aspects of a "normal" wedding we simply went without (no limousine, no staffed caterers) and many things were DIY (centerpieces, programs, all flowers, videography). Our wedding cost was a bit over $5k for everything.

 

But I'm curious what my Hive mamas with grown kids do and think about this topic. Most helpful if you can give details and current dollars and probably general location. (P.S. - I am not saying I can only hear from penny pinchers - if you have a generous budget in mind and you feel this is an important area to NOT shave costs, that is a perfectly fine point to make as well. 😊) I think it just always annoys me when people speak as though it is simply not possible to do XYZ without a healthy heap of cash to do it with.

Hmmm...

 

Well, lol, DD just got married and $25k was NOT the budget.  Oddly, they are still really and truly married, so, um, yes, I think it can be done.

 

Mostly because, well, the marriage and the vows are a little more important than the shindig.

 

Still, she had the dress she wanted ($750) at a church ($500 included the reception) she loved.  A friend of ours did the photography ($500)

We did real flowers, ordered from Costco and cut ourselves ($300) and we did all the catering ourselves for approximately 250 people.  The cake was a splurge because they had the bride/groom pretty cake and then cupcakes and sheet cakes for everyone ($400.)  I am not sure what we spent on food - it was a full meal - we smoked Boston butts and served smoked meat and loin with hot and cold sides but it wasn't terribly expensive because we did it all ourselves. 

 

I would say, all in, I suspect we spent a bit over $3k-ish to have 250 people attend a very traditional church wedding in a fairly large city in the Midwest.  It was lovely and it was 2017 and it checked all the boxes and she got to celebrate with all of her family & friends & church members.  <3 

[Harriet Vane]

I guess I kind of feel like people who "diy" sometimes act like everyone should do it that way "because it can be done". Well, for some of us, it is far better to pay more, if we can, and let someone else do it. I would lost my mind if I had to help my child put on a diy wedding. Running around like a chicken with my head cut off? No. Cooking and prepping the day before and day of? No. No. No. I would want to be spending that time with my child and the out of town company. I'd be so anxious about not being with them and then not really get to enjoy the festivities. So again, NO. That doesn't mean I don't know how to handle money or that I don't know how to use it wisely. Doing it differently doesn't make me less wise. I don't see myself contributing 25k to my kids weddings but enough that I'm not cooking or decorating the night before or the morning of. Nope, not a snob either. Just pragmatic about what I'm capable of and need to enjoy my own children's weddings.......... Granted, I'll be in charge of rehearsal dinners rather than the wedding/reception but still will have the same view. And they're likely to be large as our family culture does  include all out of town guests and family.

 

 

This is a good point, and I'm glad you said it.

 

So, to counter my previous two wedding story posts, I'll tell about my own wedding briefly.

 

Roughly 25 years ago, $4000.

 

We married at dh's childhood church. Minimal payments for church, pastors, pianist, organist.

 

My dress was a gift from two friends, one of whom sewed it and the other worked on the lace design. In retrospect, I would gladly pay hundreds of dollars or even past $1000 to do that over and not have to deal with my friends doing my dress. One was insecure and weirdly controlling. She would not alter the dress to actually fit me, and she said a lot of really mean things to me because she was insecure about her sewing skill and jealous of my sewing acumen. The other friend procrastinated her commitment to the dress until the very last possible moment. It was NOT worth the stress at all, and I still struggle to forgive these two women for turning the dress into such a nightmare.

 

Elegant reception hall with catered dinner and professional bakery wedding cake. The meal was not as expensive as could be because we did lunch rather than evening. Hired DJ and tons of dancing. Professional photographer. Gorgeous, professional flowers--I carried a dozen jacaranda roses, and my bridesmaids carried three roses each. 

 

We tried to save where we could, but it was still a really nice wedding. No debt.  :coolgleamA:

[Guest]

Hmmm...

 

Well, lol, DD just got married and $25k was NOT the budget. Oddly, they are still really and truly married, so, um, yes, I think it can be done.

 

Mostly because, well, the marriage and the vows are a little more important than the shindig.

 

Still, she had the dress she wanted ($750) at a church ($500 included the reception) she loved. A friend of ours did the photography ($500)

We did real flowers, ordered from Costco and cut ourselves ($300) and we did all the catering ourselves for approximately 250 people. The cake was a splurge because they had the bride/groom pretty cake and then cupcakes and sheet cakes for everyone ($400.) I am not sure what we spent on food - it was a full meal - we smoked Boston butts and served smoked meat and loin with hot and cold sides but it wasn't terribly expensive because we did it all ourselves.

 

I would say, all in, I suspect we spent a bit over $3k-ish to have 250 people attend a very traditional church wedding in a fairly large city in the Midwest. It was lovely and it was 2017 and it checked all the boxes and she got to celebrate with all of her family & friends & church members. <3

This just makes me so happy to read. I actually had you in mind when I posted the OP, because I remember the photos you shared with us. 😊

[solascriptura]

I believe that's on the low end for an East Coast Wedding. They are almost always catered sit down dinner events.

[Χά�ων]

When a relative was planning the food for her wedding the caterer pointed out she had no seafood on the menu. Sil informed her she is deathly allergic to seafood and since it was buffet style she didn't want to chance any cross contamination so she wouldn't end up in the hospital on her wedding day. The caterer informed her that the reception was not about what she wanted but about what her guests would want and guests want seafood options.

I believe it. So did she fire the caterer or cave to pressure?

 

Edited to say she not you...

Edited May 30, 2017 by Χά�ων

[QueenCat]

Smile.  I don't think a wedding NEEDS a dinner event.  You are only asking people to witness your marriage.  I think punch and cake at the free fellowship hall is just fine.  I would rather give my grown kids money for a downpayment on a house.  I believe they would like that as well.  My wedding was cheap, but beautiful.  

 

With our extended family all over the place, meals really do need to be a part of the event. Whether it's a less expensive bbq buffet or a sit down meal....... you can't ask people to fly or drive for a day or two, and then not feed them. It's an all day or evening affair as it's about becoming a family, getting to know your new family, etc...... if most were local, it'd be a different story.

[Guest]

With our extended family all over the place, meals really do need to be a part of the event. Whether it's a less expensive bbq buffet or a sit down meal....... you can't ask people to fly or drive for a day or two, and then not feed them. It's an all day or evening affair as it's about becoming a family, getting to know your new family, etc...... if most were local, it'd be a different story.

Yeah, I confess I have seen a problem when the plan was light fare, but the wedding was far away for many people. The food at the reception was clearly not meant to be a *meal*, but people ate it like it was and they ran out of food. That wedding made me think it was better to have either a full meal or else clearly state that it is a cake-and-punch reception.

[FaithManor]

Yeah, I confess I have seen a problem when the plan was light fare, but the wedding was far away for many people. The food at the reception was clearly not meant to be a *meal*, but people ate it like it was and they ran out of food. That wedding made me think it was better to have either a full meal or else clearly state that it is a cake-and-punch reception.

This was the reason we went with full meal. All of my son in law's relatives and friends were from PA, and would be getting on the road and making it part way home after the reception so they could be in at a decent hour on Sunday with work looming on Monday. They had already fended for themselves for lunch,it did not seem very nice to have cake and punch only or light hot d'oeuvres leaving them to have to seek out dinner before hitting the road.

 

It is easier to do a low budget affair when everyone lives local.

[TravelingChris]

We paid for our older dd's wedding two and half years ago.  We had it at our church and used the fellowship hall.  We had somewhere between 200-300 people.  We did use a good catering company and they did a dinner buffet and it was almost 4K/  That was the most expensive part.  Altogether including a honeymoon to Minneapolis/St Paul in late January (her husband wanted snow) was about 10K.  We did not go into debt.  We also spent a lot, lot less than average in our area, particularly for the amount of people we had.  Her husband had much family and we wanted to invite lots of people from our church who had been praying for her and always asking about her. (She had bad health problems then which have now been resolved.)  I could see us possibly spending a bit more on my younger daughter just because she was such a help with her sister's wedding as were some ladies in our church.  We did order some flowers from a florist but did bridesmaid bouquets on our own.  We got a much cheaper cake by using Publix bakery and ordering a smaller wedding cake and then sheet cakes.  My dd really shopped around to find affordable dj, video, and photographer.  We found her wedding dress at a bridal boutique on clearance and it was under 200 and originally was well over a thousand.

 

The biggest reason we may end up paying more if and when younger dd marries is simply because I expect that she will be working and not being a college student and therefore have less time and no breaks like college students have so she probably will not be able to do as much as my older dd did.  OTOH, she doesn't want to do as formal as her sister did and so that may cut costs. But in no case will it cost 25K (which is less than the average in this area). 

[SamanthaCarter]

About venue: people seem to think that the church and fellowship hall is low cost, but I paid $1200 for sanctuary, fellowship hall and clean up at our church, not including organist. Both dh and I were members there. I heard a few years later that a lot of our members had been completely priced out of having a wedding at their church because the charges went up. I guess the leadership did this because they could. Pretty, downtown, historical church had plenty of people clamoring to pay I suppose. Sad.

 

 

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Edited May 30, 2017 by SamanthaCarter

[Onceuponatime]

Ten years ago, my daughter's wedding cost us $3,000 and it was lovely. We had tons of friends volunteering and offering us free services, from hairdressing to photography. People donated decorations they had stored from previous events, I bought a bolt of cheap white satin on clearance at fabric store. We wrapped and draped stuff with it. In the reception room of the church we hung white sheers, garlanded with silk flowers and greenery. I bought my daughter's dress on ebay. It came from China and fit perfectly: $150 . It was quite lovely. I printed and embellished the invitations and programs myself. The food, a fingerfood buffet, and the cake, were catered by a friend, at cost. There were only two attendants on each side of the bride and groom, they paid for their outfits. The flower girl's family paid for her's. I made a circlet of silk flowers and ribbons for the flower girls head, and spray painted a basket that I bought for a dollar at the thrift store. The groom's mother embroidered a lovely ringbearer's pillow. It was very much a cooperative event, for which I have been most grateful. We couldn't have afforded to do the same thing without the help we recieved.

Edited May 30, 2017 by Onceuponatime

[QueenCat]

Yeah, I confess I have seen a problem when the plan was light fare, but the wedding was far away for many people. The food at the reception was clearly not meant to be a *meal*, but people ate it like it was and they ran out of food. That wedding made me think it was better to have either a full meal or else clearly state that it is a cake-and-punch reception.

 

That must have made the hosts anxious. Running out of food at any event is stressful but a wedding would be uber stressful. I've really only seen light fare or cake & punch receptions when most people are local.

[Guest]

About venue: people seem to think that the church and fellowship hall is low cost, but I paid $1200 for sanctuary, fellowship hall and clean up at our church, not including organist. Both dh and I were members there. I heard a few years later that a lot of our members had been completely priced out of having a wedding at their church because the charges went up. I guess the leadership did this because they could. Pretty, downtown, historical church had plenty of people clamoring to pay I suppose. Sad.

 

 

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I was surprised to find out that this was the case at the church where I held membership.  I think there was a two-tiered pricing model, but still...  

 

I recall a pastor of congregational care saying that for every person that was a member, the congregational care team gained 4 people--the relatives, friends and so on...so perhaps there was a sense of entitlement that led to too much demand for the actual number of members. Things like "I'm a member, and so my granddaughter ought to be able to have her wedding here..." but the granddaughter hadn't even ever BEEN in the church.  It's not free to open a large building and clean up after all the foot-traffic, program leaving-behind, rehearsals and so on.  But $1200 seems like a lot, especially when there were often 2-3 weddings on a single Saturday.  

 

I dunno.  I'm speculating.  It's not an easy one to solve, at some point.  A friend of mine was a "member liaison" person at a local Catholic parish--the building was beautiful and lots of people called to see about having a wedding there.  "Are you a member of the parish?"   "No.  It think Catholicism is stupid. But the building is just what I want for the pictures of my wedding."  :::eyeroll:::  Yes, she had more than one person say that exact thing or something very similar.  Good grief.  I think that parish ended up closing it down for anyone not a member of the parish.  

[Loowit]

About venue: people seem to think that the church and fellowship hall is low cost, but I paid $1200 for sanctuary, fellowship hall and clean up at our church, not including organist. Both dh and I were members there. I heard a few years later that a lot of our members had been completely priced out of having a wedding at their church because the charges went up. I guess the leadership did this because they could. Pretty, downtown, historical church had plenty of people clamoring to pay I suppose. Sad.

 

 

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That is really sad.  DH and I got married over 20 years ago and we had planned to get married in the church we were attending and doing ministry but the cost was too much for our small budget so we had it at my parent's church which was free.  My parents church provided tablecloths, plates, silverware, cups, and even offered to provide the punch if we wanted as a gift from the ladies at the church.  The only difficulty there was that we wanted to use our own minister and the pastor of the church wasn't really keen on the idea but it all worked out.  I am guessing the church where was are currently members would charge fair amount because it is a beautiful historic landmark in our area.  But I am also pretty sure that if a couple who were members had money issues they would work something out with them.

[redheadmom]

I guess I kind of feel like people who "diy" sometimes act like everyone should do it that way "because it can be done". Well, for some of us, it is far better to pay more, if we can, and let someone else do it. I would lost my mind if I had to help my child put on a diy wedding. Running around like a chicken with my head cut off? No. Cooking and prepping the day before and day of? No. No. No. I would want to be spending that time with my child and the out of town company. I'd be so anxious about not being with them and then not really get to enjoy the festivities. So again, NO. That doesn't mean I don't know how to handle money or that I don't know how to use it wisely. Doing it differently doesn't make me less wise. I don't see myself contributing 25k to my kids weddings but enough that I'm not cooking or decorating the night before or the morning of. Nope, not a snob either. Just pragmatic about what I'm capable of and need to enjoy my own children's weddings.......... Granted, I'll be in charge of rehearsal dinners rather than the wedding/reception but still will have the same view. And they're likely to be large as our family culture does include all out of town guests and family.

This is what I hear a lot. Most of my brides do some DIY but on wedding day they want to be able to relax. I know I spend 12 - 14 hours running around on wedding day. I can't imagine doing that when my own daughters get married. It's exhausting.

 

My own wedding was around $5k and I've helped family members pull together weddings for around $3k but they had dozens of people fromay church to help. If you don't have a small army of family or friends, you have to pay someone.

[redheadmom]

About venue: people seem to think that the church and fellowship hall is low cost, but I paid $1200 for sanctuary, fellowship hall and clean up at our church, not including organist. Both dh and I were members there. I heard a few years later that a lot of our members had been completely priced out of having a wedding at their church because the charges went up. I guess the leadership did this because they could. Pretty, downtown, historical church had plenty of people clamoring to pay I suppose. Sad.

 

 

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This is happening everywhere. Affordable venues are very hard to find. If they are affordable there is usually a reason. I live near a large town that is very popular and brides get sticker shock when they find out how much some of the churches and venues cost.....and they are booked up a year or more in advance.

[slackermom]

We got married almost 25 year ago, and paid for everything on our own.

 

The price for our wedding and reception for 120 people was a little under $5000, and it was held at an old mansion at a university in the city. Most places we looked at cost twice as much.

 

The base fee for the venue was $1000 back then, and it is $3500 now, so I am sure it would cost a bit more these days.

 

I paid $199 for my dress at a crazy wedding dress clearance sale. It had a retail price of $3500.

 

Edited May 30, 2017 by slackermom

[HS Mom in NC]

This was the reason we went with full meal. All of my son in law's relatives and friends were from PA, and would be getting on the road and making it part way home after the reception so they could be in at a decent hour on Sunday with work looming on Monday. They had already fended for themselves for lunch,it did not seem very nice to have cake and punch only or light hot d'oeuvres leaving them to have to seek out dinner before hitting the road.

 

It is easier to do a low budget affair when everyone lives local.

 

Yes, everyone being local or almost local helps.  We had a few people who had to drive 1.5-2 hours to get to ours, and they stayed overnight at a local family members' houses because our wedding was after dinner time.  Setting the time between regular meal times helps everyone. 

 

So does not being in a tizzy if people choose not to make the drive.  Way too many people turn an invitation to or attendance at their wedding into some symbolic characterization of the relationship instead of a practical issue.  Yes, it's good for people to make a real effort, but if it doesn't work out, no need for smelling salts, fluttering lace hankies, and hysterics.  Aunt Mildred and cousin Bill don't hate you and aren't insulting your family if they decline the invitation and it doesn't matter if their reasons are good or bad.  Stewing over it is a complete loss of perspective and self destructive.  Invite who you decide to invite, enjoy who shows up, and be done with the drama already.

[QueenCat]

Yes, everyone being local or almost local helps.  We had a few people who had to drive 1.5-2 hours to get to ours, and they stayed overnight at a local family members' houses because our wedding was after dinner time.  Setting the time between regular meal times helps everyone. 

 

So does not being in a tizzy if people choose not to make the drive.  Way too many people turn an invitation to or attendance at their wedding into some symbolic characterization of the relationship instead of a practical issue.  Yes, it's good for people to make a real effort, but if it doesn't work out, no need for smelling salts, fluttering lace hankies, and hysterics.  Aunt Mildred and cousin Bill don't hate you and aren't insulting your family if they decline the invitation and it doesn't matter if their reasons are good or bad.  Stewing over it is a complete loss of perspective and self destructive.  Invite who you decide to invite, enjoy who shows up, and be done with the drama already.

 

Lol............. this is where perspective can be so different. To me, 1.5-2 hours away is relatively local. We've never lived that close to family, not since about a year after we got married. For my sister's wedding, the closest family was 3 hours away. Several were much further. She had it where she and her now dh lived, rather than near one family but not the other so everyone traveled except a handful of her friends. It was about half way between her parents and his parents.

 

Edited May 30, 2017 by QueenCat

[Alice]

To the OP I agree that it is an issue of culture. I think in some circles $25k is "normal" for a wedding. If you live in a world where everyone has a certain lifestyle it begins to seem like the norm even if it isn't. we live in a nice house and have a good income but we live in a very HCOL area. In our town our house is one of the more average houses and most people have much higher dual income lifestyles. My daughter is the type who notices that more and has asked questions about why put house isn't bigger or if we are poor. It's led to good conversations but it reminds me how skewed their view of the world is. (As an aside, yes we try to pursue ways to show that the neighborhoods around us are not the norm but without being intentional it would be easy to see them that way.)

 

As far as wedding costs, I've seen this topic here before. I think as long as a couple isn't going into debt then there shouldn't be judgment about what it costs. we had a fairly expensive wedding (about $20k). We did not go into debt and neither did our parents. It was much larger and more elaborate than I would have done on my own but dh's family culture was to invite everyone and he has a very large family. And my Mom had always dreamed of me having a traditional wedding. Hers was tiny and very cheap and she regretted it. I am an only child and knew it meant a lot to her.

 

The wedding itself was about 250 and the rehearsal dinner was like a separate reception for 100 people. Dh is Chinese-American so the rehearsal dinner was a Chinese banquet. We were frugal where we could be or where it didn't matter to us (my dress, flowers were wholesale and then done by a friend, photographer was someone willing to just give us the film instead of doing the whole album thing, we had no wedding party). And then we spent money where it was important to us or family (mostly food).

 

As a bride I felt like the wedding was all about compromise, including what was important to family. But we also had a lot of quirky personal touches that were important to us.

 

All that to say that an expensive wedding doesn't always mean someone who has bad values.

[hjffkj]

I believe it. So did she fire the caterer or cave to pressure?

 

Edited to say she not you...

Fired the caterer.

[gardenmom5]

Yes Patty Joanna, all wedding dresses should come with pockets. Sadly they do not. But buying a street dress, cocktail dress, etc

does not get you pockets either. Women's clothes are notorious for not having pockets. Grrrrrrr.....

 

 

 

I was  just at rei (50% off sale) to buy *hiking* pants . . . . I ended up buying mens.  they have *pockets*.  lots of pockets.

 

Smile.  I don't think a wedding NEEDS a dinner event.  You are only asking people to witness your marriage.  I think punch and cake at the free fellowship hall is just fine.  I would rather give my grown kids money for a downpayment on a house.  I believe they would like that as well.  My wedding was cheap, but beautiful.  

 

I agree - I think cake and punch are fine. . . . dh . . . is obsessed with food and thinks it's required.  'people remember the food'.  (no dear, you remember the food.)

 

About venue: people seem to think that the church and fellowship hall is low cost,

 

for some of us it is free.

 

 A friend of mine was a "member liaison" person at a local Catholic parish--the building was beautiful and lots of people called to see about having a wedding there.  "Are you a member of the parish?"   "No.  It think Catholicism is stupid. But the building is just what I want for the pictures of my wedding."  :::eyeroll:::  Yes, she had more than one person say that exact thing or something very similar.  Good grief.  I think that parish ended up closing it down for anyone not a member of the parish.  

 

wow . . . . smh.

[Bluegoat]

With our extended family all over the place, meals really do need to be a part of the event. Whether it's a less expensive bbq buffet or a sit down meal....... you can't ask people to fly or drive for a day or two, and then not feed them. It's an all day or evening affair as it's about becoming a family, getting to know your new family, etc...... if most were local, it'd be a different story.

 

Yeah, I'm not sure I believe this.

 

People aren't obligated to come from away for weddings.  It can be nice to plan a meal for them, but if you can't, that doesn't mean they wouldn't want to be invited.

 

My good friends in university had a nice wedding in the college, with a punch type reception afterwards.  The groom's family was from out of province and many of them came, and I assume they wanted to be there with them.  They did have to largely account for their own meals along with a hotel bill.

 

I suppose they could have decided to invite only the local people or have a private wedding, but I'm not sure that is better in any objective way. 

[Bluegoat]

FWIW, I don't think the big wedding thing is going to be sustainable for the middle class.  I think we had something of an abnormally prosperous period in the 20th century and we are going to find we need to be more frugal in the future. 

 

I suspect that within a generation we'll see weddings more like those of the war generation - often home receptions with few people travelling, dresses that are more like regular dresses and not gowns, and so on.  Or really community supported events where they have large guest lists.

 

 

[J-rap]

I've seen the cost of weddings changing, in the 20's age group especially, as more young people decide that the cost of an expensive wedding is ridiculous.  They are bucking tradition and going for simple yet still elegant, or simple and more casual, with a lot more DIY and creative ways of saving money.  I've been to a few  traditionally expensive ones in recent years, but they were for couples in their 30's.  I don't know if this has to do more with my circle of friends, or if it's a trend in general.  

[FaithManor]

I guess I disagree. We just go out to eat after the ceremony. I've done that at several of my cousin's weddings. Not a big deal. My wedding was in Texas. I had people come from California and Ohio. No meal. They still love me.

 

Also, the wedding was at 2, so punch and cake made sense. It was too early for a full meal when the ceremony was over at 2:30.

That might work if you live in the city. I don't. The nearest sit down restaurant is 18 miles away and can only seat 50, costs $700 to reserve for 50 people and $17 a head to eat there. So if 25 out of town relatives need to eat, it is either McDonald's, Taco Bell, or this restaurant. It is 50 minutes to the nearest Applebee's and it does not have a conference room. But for $22.00 a head and $750.00 rent, one can rent the Holiday Inn conference room across the street from the Applebee's.

 

I didn't think it was a very nice thing to do to people who spent a lot of money traveling to attend the wedding to leave them fending for themselves at Taco Bell for supper. To each their own, but honestly if all I could afford was cake and punch and lived rural on top of that, I would not invite non local people to the wedding. Better to keep the wedding tiny, and send out marriage announcements with a photo later.

 

But aside from food, photography is the biggest expense. Many people do not have a friend or family member that takes decent photos who can or will do that for free. Many of us who have put on budget friendly weddings are saying we had free photography. That is great for us, but we all need to remember that it is actually not all that common for a couple to have access to this service for free or reduced price. The person who did our daughter's photos charges $1500 just to show up and do the event, but because he was dd'so close, personal friends he did not charge. That $1500 gets the couple proofs only. Then they have to order on top of that. He is cheap, many photographers will not show up for less than $2000. While many do not think photography is worth paying for, I have known numerous couples who really regretted their decision to just go with whatever pics Uncle Festus and Cousin Chi Chi produced only to find that all they have to choose from are out of focus, too dark or too light, impromptu shots and not one of them included dear great grandma or whomever. It is a pretty big gamble going with non professionals.

 

As for churches no longer being free, I think this happens a fair amount in Protestant churches who do not believe in marriage as a sacrament so they do not see weddings as a legitimate ministry, nor a service their pastor should provide as part of his or her ministry. If that is what one believes, then it only makes sense that you don't tie up your buildings from June - August incurring a lot of wear and tear paying custodial, etc. for non ministry events.

 

Of course the US has become much more secular too so more families are not associated with a church which means paying for non church venues.

 

Oh, and while the back yard barbecue sounds nice, that is not an option for a lot of people. City ordinances. There are many townships that limit the size of any event you can have on private property, fire code limits, and parking limits. My niece is getting married in her mother in law's back yard. She thought this would be a big money saver. Wrong. After they sent out the invitations, someone in the community who is connected to city government found out about it and sent her a copy of the ordinance. They cannot park on both sides of the street due to not being able to get a fire truck down the lane if they do it. They cannot park more than 20 cars on the street at all. So she ended up having to rent a city government building parking lot - $600.00 - and hired three off duty police officers to do valet parking. $150.00 each. She was not allowed to get volunteers for this and could have been cited a very hefty fine for violation.

 

I know more than one wedding in the greater community visited by police officers to break it up and hand out mega tickets and summons to court to pay large fines for violations of city ordinance.

 

People just assume that because they own their home, they can have huge parties if they like. You know, my property, I can do what I want! But that is not the case. Most townships are very heavily regulated these days. And don't start me on HOA's. If you live in one of those, do not even think about a backyard wedding.

 

A popular thing in our area is for farmers who have a nice barn that could be cleaned up to do beautiful, rustic weddings. For a few hundred dollars, they put in some flowering trees and shrubs around the barn, maybe splurge to make a small, flowering garden, clean up the barn, buy some tables and chairs, and voila. They are already zoned agricultural/commercial so have a ton of exemptions that other businesses do not have, no parking restrictions, etc.

 

It isn't cheap though. Often in the ballpark of a thousand, and one is not getting access to a kitchen so you have catering on top of it for whatever food you do serve. But I have coordinated a few weddings at these farms, and twinkle lights and simple vases of daisies and baby's breath makes an old, wood barn just sparkle. So decorations are dirt cheap.

Edited May 30, 2017 by FaithManor

[FaithManor]

For what it is worth, one of the easiest and yet gorgeous DIY table centerpieces is a dollar store tall candle jar with dollar store gold or silver charger plate, and the Hobby Lobby box of 12 votive candles in glass jars that is $6.99 which you can use a 40% coupon on making it about 38 cents per votive and jar. Take some sparkle tulle - dirt cheap at JoAnns with a 40% off coupon, and cut one yard length about 12 inches wide, and scrunch up in a kind of messy way under the candle jar filled 2/3 full of water. Submerge a nice sprig of baby'shower breath (large bunch that will do 15 tables can usually be had for $18.00) in the water, sprinkle a light dusting of gold or silver glitter - you will need only one of the dollar store bottles for this. Add a votive candle on the side. When you light the candle and turn the lights down a bit, the baby'shower breath looks like it is sparkling.

 

Also, the $15.99 bush of rose buds from Hobby Lobby which routinely goes on sparkling ale for half off had 13 roses per bush. I experimented with them, and if you leave the at least 6 inches of stemperature on them, they Submerge well once they soak up the water, and do not fall apart. They look very pretty in fact. You can get white, red, pink, ivory/peach, and seasonally sometimeso lavender, yellow, and dark pink.

 

The total for the baby'shower breath one is about $3.35 per table, and for the rose, $2.85 for the rose one if you catch the half off sale. The sale occurs usually once per quarter and lasts two weeks.

 

You can get it slightly cheaper than that if you forgot the votives, and do a floating candle with no flowers. To make it sprakle, get a can of spray, craft adhesive, spray the tops of the candle jars, and shake gold glitter around the candle jar. Shake off the excess and let dry. Fill with water and drop a floating candle in it. You can get the candlesame again Michaels with a 40% coupon which makes the little mesh bag of cream colored floating candles 7/$3.60. Thus a candle jar, charger plates tulle, adhesive, and glitter plus a candle roughly $2.55 cents depending on if you got the spray adhesive with a coupon too.

 

Gem stones in the bottom are nice, but it takes one of the dollar store bags to do one candle jar because you do not get that much in each bag, so another dollar per centerpiece.

 

Anyway, I have done this many times before for brides on a tight budget, and it always looks really beautiful.

 

Also at the head table, put a dollar store face or the medium size candle jar, evenly space the length of the table and have the bridesmaid and bride put their bouquets in them when they come to the reception. Instant centerpieces. You need to fill the bottoms of those vases with the glass stones or marbles though in order to weight them down enough not to be easily tipped over.

[bettyandbob]

I do think if you are inviting people for out of town and keeping them captive for 3 hours (or more) you need to feed them. you can choose to do this cheaply (chicken salad, sandwiches, a variety cut fruit, vegetables, cheese other foods that are filling) or have elegantly catered table service, but I don't think a good host holds people a while without offering food. The important thing is to plan the party you can afford, which is likely different than the ideas you got from disney animation when you were 5. 

 

FTR I didn't pay for my wedding. My parents did. I also knew it wasn't my party (the ceremony was mine, the reception was my parent's event). I think it came in under 5K, including bridesmaids dresses that my mom made. My dress was $150. We had 80 people at a $15/plate meal. It was pretty much the mean for the suburb where I grew up ( I know multiple girls who had receptions at the same venue, weddings during that period were mostly cookie cutter). I don't know what it would cost today.

 

I am seeing a bigger range weddings today. Not so many middle type events like mine. More over the top, who can possibly afford that events and more events where people are renting picnic shelters or $60/hour community rooms and bringing in food. The cheaper events are often way more fun to witness. It really isn't hard or expensive to make such places look beautiful/fun/elegant depending on your goal.

 

 

 

[shawthorne44]

When I worked for a major hotel chain, and later a very exclusive private hotel, I catered few weddings that weren't at 50K. I worked at three weddings that were more than a million dollars. Now, that is the money that you have to spend to not worry about details at the wedding. IMO, if you don't spend that amount, you will be responsible for many details. Does that mean your wedding won't be amazing??? No. That means you will have to worry about details. You won't have a worry free wedding (unless you are a type Q personality) without spending a lot of money for other people to worry. That's why the price tag is there. When you don't worry someone else does, it's perfectly reasonable that they charge for their stress. 

 

If you want an afternoon wedding with cake and a DJ, which is quite lovely, you could probably do it for less than 5K. But that is what you are having. Not a dinner event. 

 

Actually, you can, you just can't have it in a hotel, and you have to shop more and do more yourself.   We were married 8 years ago, and prices haven't changed that much.   But for a little less than 5K, we had a catered meal with a choice of salmon or filet, open bar including my favorite quality Oregon Champagne, a professional singer, a photographer, large fresh bouquets of lilies and roses in crystal vases at every table, a three-tier cake with real buttercream and a poofy dress.  Around 75 people attended.  

 

But the wedding prep involved things like haunting many goodwill/salvation army stores looking for heavy vases.  

 

[shawthorne44]

...

I dunno.  I'm speculating.  It's not an easy one to solve, at some point.  A friend of mine was a "member liaison" person at a local Catholic parish--the building was beautiful and lots of people called to see about having a wedding there.  "Are you a member of the parish?"   "No.  It think Catholicism is stupid. But the building is just what I want for the pictures of my wedding."  :::eyeroll:::  Yes, she had more than one person say that exact thing or something very similar.  Good grief.  I think that parish ended up closing it down for anyone not a member of the parish.  

 

A friend is a member of a church in a nice area of a large city.  The church has extremely cool architecture, and they have a real problem chasing off the wedding parties that show up just to have photos taken to make room for the people that actually had their wedding there.  The strangers are outside, but instead of slinking away they get indignant and argumentative when shooed away.  

eta: typo

Edited May 30, 2017 by shawthorne44

[Carol in Cal.]

 

 

I suspect that within a generation we'll see weddings more like those of the war generation - often home receptions with few people travelling, dresses that are more like regular dresses and not gowns, and so on.  Or really community supported events where they have large guest lists.

 

My grandmother got married during Prohibition.  She had a large wedding, but her dress had a detachable train, and I understand that she wore it afterwards to formal parties or out dancing, pretty regularly.  Not a 'one day wonder' kind of thing like now.

[KungFuPanda]

I'm kind of wondering how weddings will look for this generation of kids who are just now approaching marriageable age. They've tapped their parents out with insane college expenses. Who has anything left for a party? Maybe kids are getting married later just so everyone can do a bit of financial triage after college graduation?

[Scarlett]

I do think if you are inviting people for out of town and keeping them captive for 3 hours (or more) you need to feed them. you can choose to do this cheaply (chicken salad, sandwiches, a variety cut fruit, vegetables, cheese other foods that are filling) or have elegantly catered table service, but I don't think a good host holds people a while without offering food. The important thing is to plan the party you can afford, which is likely different than the ideas you got from disney animation when you were 5. 

 

 

 

I think that decision needs to be up to the invitee.  There are weddings I would travel to go to regardless of whether they fed me or not. 

 

That is the thing though....weddings have morphed into an event that demands food.  No one has to give into that societal pressure.  People who would speak badly of you for not serving food after a wedding are probably people who you shouldn't have invited to your wedding.

[Bluegoat]

That might work if you live in the city. I don't. The nearest sit down restaurant is 18 miles away and can only seat 50, costs $700 to reserve for 50 people and $17 a head to eat there. So if 25 out of town relatives need to eat, it is either McDonald's, Taco Bell, or this restaurant. It is 50 minutes to the nearest Applebee's and it does not have a conference room. But for $22.00 a head and $750.00 rent, one can rent the Holiday Inn conference room across the street from the Applebee's.

 

I didn't think it was a very nice thing to do to people who spent a lot of money traveling to attend the wedding to leave them fending for themselves at Taco Bell for supper. To each their own, but honestly if all I could afford was cake and punch and lived rural on top of that, I would not invite non local people to the wedding. Better to keep the wedding tiny, and send out marriage announcements with a photo later.

 

But aside from food, photography is the biggest expense. Many people do not have a friend or family member that takes decent photos who can or will do that for free. Many of us who have put on budget friendly weddings are saying we had free photography. That is great for us, but we all need to remember that it is actually not all that common for a couple to have access to this service for free or reduced price. The person who did our daughter's photos charges $1500 just to show up and do the event, but because he was dd'so close, personal friends he did not charge. That $1500 gets the couple proofs only. Then they have to order on top of that. He is cheap, many photographers will not show up for less than $2000. While many do not think photography is worth paying for, I have known numerous couples who really regretted their decision to just go with whatever pics Uncle Festus and Cousin Chi Chi produced only to find that all they have to choose from are out of focus, too dark or too light, impromptu shots and not one of them included dear great grandma or whomever. It is a pretty big gamble going with non professionals.

 

As for churches no longer being free, I think this happens a fair amount in Protestant churches who do not believe in marriage as a sacrament so they do not see weddings as a legitimate ministry, nor a service their pastor should provide as part of his or her ministry. If that is what one believes, then it only makes sense that you don't tie up your buildings from June - August incurring a lot of wear and tear paying custodial, etc. for non ministry events.

 

Of course the US has become much more secular too so more families are not associated with a church which means paying for non church venues.

 

Oh, and while the back yard barbecue sounds nice, that is not an option for a lot of people. City ordinances. There are many townships that limit the size of any event you can have on private property, fire code limits, and parking limits. My niece is getting married in her mother in law's back yard. She thought this would be a big money saver. Wrong. After they sent out the invitations, someone in the community who is connected to city government found out about it and sent her a copy of the ordinance. They cannot park on both sides of the street due to not being able to get a fire truck down the lane if they do it. They cannot park more than 20 cars on the street at all. So she ended up having to rent a city government building parking lot - $600.00 - and hired three off duty police officers to do valet parking. $150.00 each. She was not allowed to get volunteers for this and could have been cited a very hefty fine for violation.

 

I know more than one wedding in the greater community visited by police officers to break it up and hand out mega tickets and summons to court to pay large fines for violations of city ordinance.

 

People just assume that because they own their home, they can have huge parties if they like. You know, my property, I can do what I want! But that is not the case. Most townships are very heavily regulated these days. And don't start me on HOA's. If you live in one of those, do not even think about a backyard wedding.

 

A popular thing in our area is for farmers who have a nice barn that could be cleaned up to do beautiful, rustic weddings. For a few hundred dollars, they put in some flowering trees and shrubs around the barn, maybe splurge to make a small, flowering garden, clean up the barn, buy some tables and chairs, and voila. They are already zoned agricultural/commercial so have a ton of exemptions that other businesses do not have, no parking restrictions, etc.

 

It isn't cheap though. Often in the ballpark of a thousand, and one is not getting access to a kitchen so you have catering on top of it for whatever food you do serve. But I have coordinated a few weddings at these farms, and twinkle lights and simple vases of daisies and baby's breath makes an old, wood barn just sparkle. So decorations are dirt cheap.

 

Sure, if someone is having a simple cake reception, they can avoid inviting those from away.

 

I would say that those who are actually close to the couple are likely to want to come anyway and would still like an invite, even if they cannot come.  People who are not so close, well maybe that draws a sensible line anyway as far as wedding invitees.

 

Wedding photography is a big expense that just isn't a requirement.  I don't begrudge photographers their pay, as it's fair.  But the kinds of photographs people expect are, again, way over the top from what used to be common and expected.

 

Everything you are pointing out seems like a further indication that the kind of wedding the lady in the OP things is "normal" is really exceptional.

[FaithManor]

I'm kind of wondering how weddings will look for this generation of kids who are just now approaching marriageable age. They've tapped their parents out with insane college expenses. Who has anything left for a party? Maybe kids are getting married later just so everyone can do a bit of financial triage after college graduation?

I know a lot of families who have not helped with their children's college expenses, nor will they pay for a wedding. This is becoming more and more common as college expenses so insanely outpace wage increases, and parents worry about having any money to live on once they are too infirm to work.

 

The local newspaper runs very few engagement announcements much less wedding. My guess is that this is because it is so expensive to run the ads so it might not be indicative of how many marriages are actually taking place, but given that the Groupon weekend in Vegas special comes around regularly and is a bargain and a half, my guess is that more and more couples are availing themselves of this option. If mom and dad can't help with wedding costs, it is actually cheaper to do this Groupon special then try to rent a church or hall and have even a simple, no frills cake and punch reception.

 

Beach weddings at State Parks can be a cheap option. Send a $5.00 bill to each household attending so they can pay their park entrance fee. The downside is that if one wants to do anything after, the pavilions book up two years in advance for the busy wedding season so unless one plans WAY out, not likely to have the use of it on a weekend. But the Great Lakes are gorgeous here, and if you just do a simple ceremony that does not require people to stand for long, you can get away with not renting and hauling chairs. You have the guests surround the couple to prevent other church goers from chasing errant frisbies and such into ceremony area. Casual clothes do not look out of place, a nice sundress with flowers in the bride's hair, a pair of khakis and button down with a daisy in the pocket looks great for the groom, and even bare foot is acceptable. It may be noisy though because being a public place, one can't rent the beach itself or technically prevent others from inhabiting your space. Most beach goers though will stay away once they realize a wedding ceremony is taking place. The seagulls will not. I'm just throwing that out there. They are a menace, and a pain, and they will fly over head, squawk at everyone, and even try to get too close because the dumb things are not afraid of anything.

 

I know of one couple whose reception was that everyone went to the changing rooms, put on swimsuits, and hung out for the afternoon. The bride and groom brought hot dogs, buns, condiments, chips, lemonade, charcoal, matches, aluminum foil, paper plates, cups, and napkins and at any time, guests were free to go back to the parking lot where there are tons of first come, first serve picnic tables and grills. All of the supplies were kept in the back of an unlocked van parked close to the ranger station so people served themselves when they felt like it. Relatives wandered around later looking for any messes and trash that needed to be cleaned up before the party broke.

 

This would only work though if you have a largely laid back kind of crowd attending your wedding. I know a LOT of people who would be pretty miffed at the cook and serve yourself food situation, and would think it highly inappropriate for the reception to be everyone in bathing suits hitting the waves! I myself though would like it immensely.

[Bluegoat]

A lot of people are just forgoing getting married when they are in a committed relationship, and sometimes a significant part of that decision is to avoid the wedding hassles and costs. 

[vonfirmath]

Word of warning on clearance sale dresses, they tend to mostly be in the size six to twelve range. If you need something bigger or smaller, it is going to be tougher to find.

 

If your bride is a size two like my Dd, well then blech! These are not commonly found on sale racks. Grrrrrrr...

 

This is exactly what i found, as someone above those numbers. Luckily one of my bridesmaid's mothers was an accomplished seamstress and made my dress for the price of material (And I offered a generous gift at the end). But fabric is expensive too. Even with coupons.

 

[Scarlett]

A lot of people are just forgoing getting married when they are in a committed relationship, and sometimes a significant part of that decision is to avoid the wedding hassles and costs. 

 

 

I have been to some super fantastic very small weddings. Beautiful and simple and almost no money spent.  Sad someone would avoid marriage over the pressure to put on a big affair.

[Bluegoat]

I have been to some super fantastic very small weddings. Beautiful and simple and almost no money spent.  Sad someone would avoid marriage over the pressure to put on a big affair.

 

Yeah, but I can understand it.  My family would never do that, but I have friends where there were huge expectations.  And they didn't see those - rightly I think - as being important tp their actual commitment.  But they might have quite liked to have a small wedding, or even just a jp tyoe thing, if it would have not caused trouble.

[shawthorne44]

Yeah, but I can understand it.  My family would never do that, but I have friends where there were huge expectations.  And they didn't see those - rightly I think - as being important tp their actual commitment.  But they might have quite liked to have a small wedding, or even just a jp tyoe thing, if it would have not caused trouble.

 

I'd given thought to having an engagement party/surprise wedding for that reason.   Basically, you throw an engagement party, invite everyone you'd invite to the wedding, then at some point bride and groom leave and come back dressed differently, and then they get married.  

[Guest]

I had an idea. Wouldn't it be cool if there was something called Wedding Barter.com, that could work a little like Freecycle? Except more organized than Freecycle. Members would join no less than a year before they expect to "cash in" on a barter for their own wedding/child's wedding. Then, the member would offer something they are able to do at cost or for free for the weddings of others in their area. They would get points or tokens when they perform their service, and the recipient could also give them additional points if they did a great job. Then, they could cash in those points when their own event come up. Obviously, the bartered items could be things that aren't terribly important to you and, depending on your budget and your goals, you might cash in just a couple small things (a nice car ride, the officiant) or bigger things (photography, DJ, space in someone's backyard).

 

If I knew how to do things like this, I would set something like this up.

[LarlaB]

My parents gave me $5k for my wedding (almost 21 years ago) and we had enough left over to buy a used car . 😜

 

Dress was the big expense at $400 but was hand made- we had light refreshments after ceremony, cheap rental decorations, low key cake and flowers at Sams club and mostly- VOLUNTEERS who were so thrilled to be a part of it. Total attendance around 200. Volunteers made a frugal ceremony possible!

 

I don't regret the frugal choices at all- it aptly represented our 20 year old collage age selves.

 

If you have cash to burn, spend it on travel-not a one day event. JMHO

[Guest]

I guess I disagree. We just go out to eat after the ceremony. I've done that at several of my cousin's weddings. Not a big deal. My wedding was in Texas. I had people come from California and Ohio. No meal. They still love me.

 

Also, the wedding was at 2, so punch and cake made sense. It was too early for a full meal when the ceremony was over at 2:30.

This would be viewed as very gauche by most people I know. (NOTE: not if it is clear as a bell that it is cake and punch only.) With the wedding I mentioned where there was not enough food, there were only two "hints" that the food was not intended to be a meal. The first was time of day (maybe 3:00? I don't recall exactly.) and the bigger hint was the plate sizes. They were small plates, dessert-plate sized. There were stations about the room where you could take your tiny plate and get a few eggplant raviolis or grapes and cheese, but people piled up the tiny plates and returned repeated times. They were hungry. They didn't know to expect light fare.

 

Oh, also, there were tables to sit down, but not placecards, so I think that was also a "hint" that they didn't mean for people to sit at a table and eat a meal.

[shawthorne44]

I think I read every last wedding planning book that the large city public library had.   There was one that was particularly annoying.   It was about elegant small weddings, and the cost of the engagement ring was included in the budget.   That just seemed dumb.

 

[HS Mom in NC]

Part of the ridiculousness is looooong ceremonies.  I get that Catholic and probably other groups have longer weddings due to religious tradition/practice, but some of these other brides seem to think, "Well, we've dumped all this money and production into it and everyone I ever met is under pressure to attend, even from abroad, so I better make this show as long as possible."

 

My wedding ceremony was 15 minutes.  Mothers lit the candelabras, wedding party came in to nice music, Scripture was read, vows exchanged, unity candle lit, Grandad entered our names in the wedding registry of the family Bible (printed in 1820,) and gave a blessing and prayer.  Very meaningful but short and to the point.  No filler songs, poems, speeches, etc. Then we had cake and punch for an hour while people visited. No trapping people for 3 hours for us.  Most men don't enjoy weddings and not every woman does either, so need to drag it out.

Yes, if you live far from any restaurants and had a long ceremony something more substantial than cake and punch might be in order.  I agree that in that situation, it's best to scale things down to immediate family and the closest friends.  Second cousin Mildred will just have get over the fact she wasn't invited or she can offer to donate generous funds to pay for a nice meal for lots of people.

Edited May 30, 2017 by Homeschool Mom in AZ

[Scarlett]

This would be viewed as very gauche by most people I know. (NOTE: not if it is clear as a bell that it is cake and punch only.) With the wedding I mentioned where there was not enough food, there were only two "hints" that the food was not intended to be a meal. The first was time of day (maybe 3:00? I don't recall exactly.) and the bigger hint was the plate sizes. They were small plates, dessert-plate sized. There were stations about the room where you could take your tiny plate and get a few eggplant raviolis or grapes and cheese, but people piled up the tiny plates and returned repeated times. They were hungry. They didn't know to expect light fare.

 

Oh, also, there were tables to sit down, but not placecards, so I think that was also a "hint" that they didn't mean for people to sit at a table and eat a meal.

I think the invitation should be clear....if you are invited to the reception it needs to clearly state cake and punch or dinner will be served.

 

As far as things being considered gauche...meh. I am so over people being judgy mcjudgers and making other people feel forced into spending money or other resources to please the masses.

 

Resist it people.

[HS Mom in NC]

 The first was time of day (maybe 3:00? I don't recall exactly.)

 

I wouldn't consider a 3:00 wedding a hint that there won't be a meal.  I would consider it completely obvious that a meal won't be served at 4:00-4:30.  Sorry, but anyone who didn't pick up on that seems pretty clueless to me.  No one eats a meal at 4:00 unless they're ill or just got back from an intense, calorie burning hike.

 

Anyone judging things as gouche because it didn't meet some traditional template isn't someone who would do well in most of the SW.  Maybe we're just more individualistic and diverse around here because we've seen just about every kind of wedding there is.

[HS Mom in NC]

 

 

I suspect that within a generation we'll see weddings more like those of the war generation - often home receptions with few people travelling, dresses that are more like regular dresses and not gowns, and so on.  Or really community supported events where they have large guest lists.

 

My oldest is engaged and planned to get married this fall.  Economic challenges have them moving the date to next fall because they're not financially stable enough yet.  I think that's going to be far more common among Millennials than it was for Baby Boomers and Gen X.  

 

[aggie96]

My baby sister recently got married.  My parents paid for the wedding (in another town in our state so destination for everyone including the bride/groom).  Roughly $40k for 150ppl.  90% attendance.  Price included hotel for about 30ppl, wedding party clothes, rehearsal dinner for 60ppl, and all other usual wedding expenses.  Groom's family were not able to contribute monetarily which was no big deal.  Sis had the wedding of her dreams.  My mom gave her the wedding she always wanted to throw.  Myself and two brothers did not have a wedding so my mom felt like she took $10k from each and threw it all in one pot for the last kiddo.  They could afford it.  My parents and bride/groom wanted it.  Now bride/groom are taking the money they had originally saved for their wedding and traveling around the world for a year or more.  And my mom, sister, and I did NOT want to DIY this wedding in any way IF we could avoid it.  We all had other major time consuming things going on in our lives at the same time.  In general, all three of us would have agreed that 40K for a wedding was insane, out of reach, not realistic, etc etc etc.  But it was just one of those points in life where everything came together to make a massive exception.

[HS Mom in NC]

I'd given thought to having an engagement party/surprise wedding for that reason.   Basically, you throw an engagement party, invite everyone you'd invite to the wedding, then at some point bride and groom leave and come back dressed differently, and then they get married.  

 

On Netflix.  Parks and Recreation S3, E9: Andy and April's Fancy Party