ktgrok Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 I'm about to ask my teen to pull up his dual enrollment grades. I'm in a good mood, having a good day, and in a good place to deal with it if it's as bad as I fear. I'm worried he didn't pass two of the three courses. Prayers for me to stay calm and handle things well, no matter what, and for him to do the same would be great. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nemom Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 Praying! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 Hugs and prayers and hope heading your way... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 I hope it goes well! Prayers :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted May 15, 2017 Author Share Posted May 15, 2017 Ugh. Art History - A English 1102 -D Humanities - F So, my instincts were pretty close. I'm So incredibly frustrated and sad but kept my voice low. I also explained, again, how I need him to be honest with me so I can help him when he gets in trouble. I knew he was failing, and he kept saying everything was okay. I'm not sure where to go from here, honestly. I need to process and the baby is awake now and crying and I just don't know what to do. This is NOT a kid you can just smash down on and get a good result. At all. And he'll be 18 in two months. So I need to act in a way to guide, but not shut him down. That said, it seems kind of odd NOT to have any consequences, as he is still my son and such. But...honestly, I feel me imposing consequences may take away the impact of the actual consequences which are a hit to his GPA, etc. Oh, he got straight A's last semester including ENC 1101. He's a good writer. He is on meds for ADHD (and has Asperger's). He got behind, then didn't know how to dig himself out. I'm a bit worried about depression,a though I think some of what i was seeing was the anxiety over knowing he'd failed/was failing and knowing I'd found out eventually. He's a lot like me like that. I had a bad semester too, and did fine afterwards. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 Can he re-take any of his classes over the summer? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 I think your instinct that a mom imposed consequence would do more harm than good is spot on. Sending prayers and good thoughts for you to have wisdom to know how to help him process this and learn from it so he can handle things better in the future. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted May 15, 2017 Author Share Posted May 15, 2017 And crap. By falling below a 2.0 he's kicked out of the program. Not sure if we can appeal. I'm going to be sick. He doesn't realize this, ad I have to go tell him. He's going to be so angry at himself, and depressed. Hell. And there is no way he can go back to public school, it's not going to work...he'd have to take a bunch of exams, etc I think. Which means I'm back to homeschooling him, which has NOT gone well. I'm actually crying and I want to throw up, and I haven't even told him yet. Hell. I should have known this. I should have warned him. If you are a regular college student they just give you a warning and if you do better the next semester it is fine. I didn't realize Dual Enrollment was different. Crap. I'm so upset at myself for not realizing that, and warning him. Ugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen500 Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 :grouphug: I'm sorry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 Katie, before you get too upset, maybe you can talk to whomever is in change of the dual enrollment program and see if your son can get a second chance. It's definitely worth a try! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted May 15, 2017 Author Share Posted May 15, 2017 Katie, before you get too upset, maybe you can talk to whomever is in change of the dual enrollment program and see if your son can get a second chance. It's definitely worth a try! I'm going to email now. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 I'm going to email now. Good luck! I'll pray that you get good news! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 Hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 3 courses is a lot, however he did very well the previous semester, so Kudos to him for that accomplishment. I believe you are correct, since he did so well the previous semester, that much (or all) of this revolves around a lack of Time Management and Self-Discipline. There's a big leap, from Middle School to High School, with the workload, and the High School Workload is doubled in a good university course. My DD took one course (Web Design or something close to that) in TTUISD, that uses a textbook that is normally used in colleges and universities. That was a 2 semester course in TTUISD. That will make it easy for me to explain to her, the extreme increase in workload in a university, because they teach the same material in one semester. 2X speed... Is there any possibility that he can retake the Final Examinations or is the problem rooted way before those exams? Remind him of how well he did the previous semester and explain to him that he needs to work on Time Management and Self-Discipline with regard to studying. As he did the previous semester. Many university students who are older than he is have the same issues. He is not alone. Good luck to him and your family! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 We are homeschooling high school, and I chose to not go through any DE program. I had to register ds with the VIP of something or other at the CC who got permission from the instructors for ds to be in their courses. When ds turned 17, however, he was allowed to register directly just like any other student. We paid for the classes, and I'm including them on his homeschool transcript. Check with your school, but your ds may be old enough to register without the program. You can homeschool your ds, but use CC courses exclusively. Register directly but you will, of course, have to pay. There is also the option of getting his GED and moving on since he'll be 18 soon. THIS! I don't think CC is going to be off the table for you, but you'll probably have to start paying tuition. Perhaps he can help with that? Having gone through this with an adult child her freshman year, I agree that imposed consequences are not the way to go. The natural consequences will be sufficient. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 I would not impose any additional consequences. Let us know how it works out. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 So sorry. You have had your hands full with new baby......but I know how you feel, just sick over it. I also agree no consequences. The natural one is plenty. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandragood1 Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 BTDT. What I did was pull him out of DE for 12th grade, pull him closer to family (made him drive me and DD to most of her classes as well as his) and enroll him in home school classes including AP US History. I told him that we'd just take a year to grow in a different way. He just finished at the local CC. He's accepted to all the schools he applied to. ADHD. Engineering. It just takes some extra time to grow up for these guys. It will be ok. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 My brother failed english101 in college 2 times because of pure laziness. This was after doing poorly his senior year of highschool and not taking the SATs so he only got into community college. Within 2 years he had turned it around, was in the local University and getting great grades. Graduated, went for his Master's degreein English, and ironically now teaches that same English class he failed twice at the same community college. It of course doesn't always work out that way but sometimes a good student has a bad year and that is where they do their best learning on how the real world works. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 It sounds like he needs assistance blocking out a calendar with all assignments. Then making weekly and daily lists of what needs to be done so he doesn't get behind. I did this with ds his first year but he was a little older. I also helped him study and read and quizzed him from text books. He said it helped him sort out the important information when I worked with him. If he comes home I would put him in online courses and still help with the organization. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 Hugs to you and ds 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 Is the falling below 2.0 for the semester or over. If he got A's last semester, his overall GPA may be high enough. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Another Lynn Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 :grouphug: Don't beat yourself up! Hoping everything goes smoothly for a good resolution. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted May 16, 2017 Author Share Posted May 16, 2017 Is the falling below 2.0 for the semester or over. If he got A's last semester, his overall GPA may be high enough. Just for the semester. He has 2 B's from last year and 3 A's from last semester, so overall GPA is okay, but they go by semester for this. Worst case, I THINK I can enroll him as a "non degree seeking student" and use his Gardiner Scholarship money to pay for it (scholarship for kids with ASD and other issues). Might be worth having him get a GED if need be, to do that. On the other hand, if that doesn't work out, having him do a final year at home and REALLY staying on top of him might help him learn better study/organizational skills..if it didn't kill us both, which is definitely a possibility. I'd love to help him with organization, etc but he of course doesn't want to listen to me. Maybe this will change things. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted May 16, 2017 Author Share Posted May 16, 2017 So, I can't enroll him specifically as a DE student without this program, but MIGHT be able to enroll him as a "non degree seeking student" and pay. He has a scholarship via the state for students with ASD and other things, so that could pay for it. Or worst case have him get his GED and then enroll. Of course, that doesn't mean he won't have the same issue next semester. I am going to see if there is someone in the disabilities offie, or some other department, that can have an appt with him to discuss coping mechanisms with ADHD, etc. I think the issue is he is also gifted and has been able to skate by with minimal work and now he can't, and he just hit a wall and gave up. He did the same in his online latin class (not DE)...when it got into the second year and he actually had to do work each day versus showing up to class once a week and being able to learn it on the fly he dropped out. Is there such a thing as a life coach for teens? I'm also going to talk to him about depression. This past few weeks I've really wondered. I mean, he seems fine when I talk with him, but he's missed activities due to just wanting to sleep instead. Activities that started at noon, not like 8am or anything. And he mentioned he wasn't getting much money from his job anymore (online job) so I need to push and find out if he just quit, or if it is no longer as lucrative, or what (he was a co admin for a server that runs video games). His father has had depression since he was about that age, and anxiety, as has my son's paternal grandmother, paternal great grandfather, paternal uncle, maternal grandmother, etc. In the past depression looked like anger, but I know it can just look like withdrawal, and thats kind of what I'm seeing here. He still interacts with friends online, both local and his friend overseas, but he's not getting out much and I'm not sure how to MAKE him do that. Sigh. Give me a colicky baby any day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 (edited) How about the great courses superstar student course, or something similar. A lot of teens will listen to others discuss organization but not mom. Since he is almost 18 it may be time to set official house rules. He must be working X hours a week, must take X classes with X gpa, must do X chores- to continue to live at home. Obviously whatever is best for him. Different families require different things from adults living at home. Idk much about parenting someone with ASD. Are there behavior therapists that help with adult transitions or books on this that may be useful? I imagine he might be slower to launch successfully. ETA - one requirement to living at home you may consider is a consult and treatment by a therapist is there is a history of depression and signs he has it. Just a thought. Edited May 16, 2017 by displace 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink and Green Mom Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 They sure aren't easy, are they? :grouphug: to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 Is there such a thing as a life coach for teens? Yes. BUT Using a life coach or counselor or anything else required the person to be involved in active change. At the age my ds was going to do it himself. I offered to pay $$$ for this for my oldest (2E, NVLD,ADHD, anxiety, gifted). every time he said no. He came close to not graduating high school over these issues. He had an ok 1st year of college. He chose a military junior college. Not my idea, but the environment kept him organized. Then he came home and had a hard time managing himself at cc. Then he went away again. He just finished. He finally realized last fall his performance seriously limited his grad school choices. He heads to MO for a master's in August. He is on his own and has saved money for one year. He's been told if he does well he'll get a stipend for the next year. I hope he can get in position for the type of PhD program he wants. When ds was 6 a doctor at the children's hospital said he wouldn't do well until grad school and he'd be ok if we kept him alive until he was 25 (his profile is high risk for suicide). Then the doctor sent me away with no map to follow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 One of my siblings hired a study skills/life skills coach in college to sit down with her every week, review assignments, and come up with a plan to get the work done. It was just another student so inexpensive. Might be more acceptable than mom? Maybe it is a role that someone at the disability office could fulfil, I don't know whether they provide such services or not. If he is not physically active he probably needs to be, that makes a huge difference to my functionality with ADHD. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 How about the great courses superstar student course, or something similar. A lot of teens will listen to others discuss organization but not mom. Since he is almost 18 it may be time to set official house rules. He must be working X hours a week, must take X classes with X gpa, must do X chores- to continue to live at home. Obviously whatever is best for him. Different families require different things from adults living at home. Idk much about parenting someone with ASD. Are there behavior therapists that help with adult transitions or books on this that may be useful? I imagine he might be slower to launch successfully. ETA - one requirement to living at home you may consider is a consult and treatment by a therapist is there is a history of depression and signs he has it. Just a thought. Sorry I was mistaken about ASD! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted May 16, 2017 Author Share Posted May 16, 2017 So, the college has a College Survival Skills class, for 1 credit. Maybe he could take that, if they let him stay. Its actually offered over the summer, second half, in June, so that would be good. And another class called new student experience that is about planning out your academic goals, etc, that is a full 3 credit course, not sure when it is offered. FLVS might have something similar he could start now, I'm going to check. Also, he seems to think his D in ENC1102 is good enough. But for college admissions, if he somehow pulls things together and wants to apply to 4 year schools...they aren't going to accept a D as fulfilling their admissions requirements for English, are they? Like, UCF needs you to have 4 years of English...it doesn't SAY "with a C or better" but would they accept a course that the got a D in? Or does he need to either retake that course or do some other English course to fulfill that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted May 16, 2017 Author Share Posted May 16, 2017 How about the great courses superstar student course, or something similar. A lot of teens will listen to others discuss organization but not mom. Since he is almost 18 it may be time to set official house rules. He must be working X hours a week, must take X classes with X gpa, must do X chores- to continue to live at home. Obviously whatever is best for him. Different families require different things from adults living at home. Idk much about parenting someone with ASD. Are there behavior therapists that help with adult transitions or books on this that may be useful? I imagine he might be slower to launch successfully. ETA - one requirement to living at home you may consider is a consult and treatment by a therapist is there is a history of depression and signs he has it. Just a thought. The problem with having requirements for living at home is that it assumes I'd be willing to kick him out on the street if he doesn't meet them. And as he's bigger than me and wouldn't go willingly that means calling gin the cops to physically remove him and take him where? I mean it sounds good, but in practice, what on earth does that look like? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted May 16, 2017 Author Share Posted May 16, 2017 Found this via FLVS....their courses generally are a "start any time" thing, which would be good. https://www.flvs.net/online-courses/mawi-learning 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 Not to put a damper on the college skills course. Our CC has that. My ds had that at NMMI. with ds he did all the required work. The course was required at NMMI and all cadets did it. BUT one can do the course and decide they do not need to make these skills habits. As for the cc course, my friend's son failed it. He thought the concept was dumb so he didn't do the work. So, like the life coach, the person enrolled in the college skills course has to buy in and decide to use the skills taught. I believe the material covered in these classes is usually really good. If you can get a come to Jesus agreement from your DS to take the class and follow through with the suggestions it might help. The plus side of such classes and life coaches is they aren't mom and that makes it easier to take. For some kids hearing stuff they ought to do from anyone means they will ignore it because they know how to take care of themselves (even though they don't). 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted May 16, 2017 Author Share Posted May 16, 2017 Not to put a damper on the college skills course. Our CC has that. My ds had that at NMMI. with ds he did all the required work. The course was required at NMMI and all cadets did it. BUT one can do the course and decide they do not need to make these skills habits. As for the cc course, my friend's son failed it. He thought the concept was dumb so he didn't do the work. So, like the life coach, the person enrolled in the college skills course has to buy in and decide to use the skills taught. I believe the material covered in these classes is usually really good. If you can get a come to Jesus agreement from your DS to take the class and follow through with the suggestions it might help. The plus side of such classes and life coaches is they aren't mom and that makes it easier to take. For some kids hearing stuff they ought to do from anyone means they will ignore it because they know how to take care of themselves (even though they don't). Yes. This is definitely an issue. "Just let me do it myself, I've got this!" while drowning. Yeah. I just don't know what else to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 :grouphug: Katie :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted May 16, 2017 Author Share Posted May 16, 2017 I do realize the study skills class may be pointless, but I also don't want him doing NOTHING this summer, which is where we are at. It would at least get him back in the game, maybe? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamonlyone Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 At my son's last learning disorders evaluation, the educational psychologist recommended this coaching group in the report: http://addcoaching.com/ Like yours, my ds wasn't motivated to utilize that kind of opportunity. But maybe it will strike a positive note with him or be helpful in the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 Katie, If he isn't 18 yet, get him in for depression. It is so hard to have that treated with someone who is 18 and resistant. And no, your son is wrong. I don't believe any college will accept a D in a subject as meeting the requirements of any subject. that is required for entrance. And because it was done at a cc, you will have to provide transcripts. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 (edited) The problem with having requirements for living at home is that it assumes I'd be willing to kick him out on the street if he doesn't meet them. And as he's bigger than me and wouldn't go willingly that means calling gin the cops to physically remove him and take him where? I mean it sounds good, but in practice, what on earth does that look like? The consequences could be whatever you envision. In my family an extreme problem would be to finding ones own place to stay. Or it could be financial. Maybe charging rent if he is not maintaining an acceptable GPA, or needing to do more chores around the house if he's not taking any classes ? I'm not sure. Just trying to brainstorm. Hugs :( Edited May 16, 2017 by displace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bootsie Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 I am sorry this has happened. Many students do this at some point in their education; f he were a full-time college student, he would be put on probation for a semester. I would suggest using this as a time to consider both long-term and short-term goals. Do you think he is headed to a four-year college? If so, what type? My approach would differ depending upon the answers to those questions. It isn't always possible to determine what happens during a particular semester, but some things to consider are whether the poor grades are a reflection of doing poorly on exams or not turning in work and whether he attended scheduled classes. Is the poor performance simply due to lack of interest and effort, or is it due to lack of skills or background to do well in the courses? Not all 17 year olds are emotionally and academically prepared to take on academics in the way college requires (in fact, most probably are not.) You will have to request the CC transcript for any college applications, but you can provide a high school transcript with classes and grades from your home school (at least in the state in which I am in). So, you can have English IV listed on his high school transcript with the college course part of the description but also, some additional homework components to bring a grade up to a C. (In other words, the college course is PART of the high school course requirement at your homeschool). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted May 16, 2017 Author Share Posted May 16, 2017 The consequences could be whatever you envision. In my family an extreme problem would be to finding ones own place to stay. Or it could be financial. Maybe charging rent if he is not maintaining an acceptable GPA, or needing to do more chores around the house if he's not taking any classes ? I'm not sure. Just trying to brainstorm. Hugs :( Again, how do you enforce this? I mean, I can demand rent, but I can't actually force him to have money let alone give it to me. Or force him to have a place to go. SaveSave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted May 16, 2017 Author Share Posted May 16, 2017 He failed because he didn't do the work. Tests he has no problem with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 The consequences could be whatever you envision. In my family an extreme problem would be to finding ones own place to stay. Or it could be financial. Maybe charging rent if he is not maintaining an acceptable GPA, or needing to do more chores around the house if he's not taking any classes ? I'm not sure. Just trying to brainstorm. Hugs :( With a child with ASD, that is much easier said than done. Typically, emotionally and socially, a person with ASD is at the social/emotional level of someone 2/3rds-3/4ths their age. So an 18 year old would be "kind of" at the level of a 12-15 year old. And you wouldn't kick a 12-15 year old out of the house. People with ASD do often leave home and "make it" on their own but it takes MUCH longer than a "neurotypical" person does............ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 (edited) Can he get a GED and go to work? (Or can we help you look at his homeschool transcript and see if you can give him a diploma? Doesn't have to be college ready.) Going to work - without also going to school - has been the way for some in my extended family to learn better executive function and coping skills; they went on to higher training later (whether vocational or college or military). Jobs for these young men have included retail, fast food, lumberyard, lawn and landscaping, and sod farm. It's a way to simplify life while racking up some successes. Plus the instant feedback of the paycheck, which is entirely different from "do this now (study) because it will pay off for you in many years." Edited May 16, 2017 by Tibbie Dunbar 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pen Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 Is this ADHD? I'm dealing with a teen boy who has similar patterns. I think my (and maybe this applies to you too) goal now needs to be to communicate to my teen son that he is increasingly in charge of his life. Choices have real life consequences. If I step in too much he cannot learn this. I think it might help to find a therapist for your ds while you still have some authority due to his age (or could be getting outside help would be a requirement for living at home). He has enough real consequences without added Mom consequences, IMO. But you might let him deal with more of the reality of the situation on his own. Such as calling the CC and figuring out what he can do, alternatives for next year (work, regular high school, alternative high school, GED... I don't think you should try to homeschool him given his attitudes), coming up with acceptable plans for the summer, calling 4 year college to find out if the D will be acceptable, etc. The more he deals himself with the real results of his own choices, the better. And this could even end up being positive on the road to adulthood, ultimately. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted May 16, 2017 Author Share Posted May 16, 2017 Got an email and he can keep doing dual enrollment!!!!!!!! 28 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.