Ex homeschooling parents who are now anti homeschool

[morningcoffee]

Do you know any ex homeschooling parents who are now anti homeschooling?  

 

By anti homeschooling I mean that they think all homeschooling is "bad" (or insert own negative word)  .... not just that homeschooling didn't work out for their individual family. 

 

I'd like to hear your understanding of their story and why they are now against homeschooling.

 

I'm interested because I met a homeschool mom the other day who mentioned that one of her ex homeschool friends is now anti homeschooling and now I'm curious .....

[EKS]

I don't know anyone like that, but I will say that I am not as pro-homeschooling or anti-institutional schooling as I once was, so I could see how it would be possible.

[gaillardia]

Happily, I can say that I have known such but I thought so very little of their opinion after I heard it, that I have quite forgotten who it was or why they stopped and what turned them against it.

It seems to me it was a very personal thing, had to do with extended family (no support) and possibly the reporting that was required as part of the law, on why they stopped. What turned them against it, I don't recall exactly at all.

[Carol in Cal.]

IME people like this are exspouses who don't want to pay child support.  YMMV.

[OneStepAtATime]

I can't think of anyone right now that feels ALL homeschooling is bad after having homeschooled.  I do know a couple of people who started out staunch supporters but now feel that homeschooling is overrated for many.  It didn't work out for them and they tend to project those feelings outward.  However, I don't think they have every said that ALL homeschooling is bad for literally everyone.

[Guest]

I've come across some that were terrible educators by any measure and when their innocent students failed or struggled unnecessarily, they blamed homeschooling instead of themselves.

[MedicMom]

Not parents, but I know a lot of homeschool graduates who are very much anti homeschooling. For the vast majority of them, I suspect it's more anger over their poor homeschooling education.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I know one that was anti homeschooling until they found out that b & m school wasn't a bed of roses either. They tended to be totally passionate on either side without a lot of objectivity.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Desert Strawberry]

I've come across some that were terrible educators by any measure and when their innocent students failed or struggled unnecessarily, they blamed homeschooling instead of themselves.

 

I've known a couple of people who basically just failed at homeschooling and went through a phase of blaming homeschooling in general.

 

They sent the kids to private/charter school and just raved about all the amazing things the schools provided that homeschooling never could. Their stance basically became " Homeschooling is a gigantic waste of time and energy. There are fabulous schools that do a way better job."

 

I never was super impressed because it seemed to me that, yes, you could indeed teach your child Spanish at home, or provide social interaction for your children while homeschooling, if you made that a priority. But obviously, these parents found it too tall a task. Which is fine. It's not for everyone, and that's what schools are for. No shame in using them. But I never had much trouble accomplishing the things that they were swearing were impossible for anyone ever to achieve. Hard sometimes, but definitely not impossible. 

 

Personally, I think what they really enjoyed about school was having free time to themselves, and less responsibility for the 24 hour care of their children. These happen to ask be larger families. Juggling everything does get to be quite hard.

 

Until tuition went up, or the school couldn't accommodate whatever needs the child had, or the school wasn't providing the academic experience that the parent expected. Once the honeymoon was over, they all brought at least one or two children back home. Suddenly, homeschooling wasn't such a ridiculous thing anymore. 

[Rebel Yell]

Not parents, but I know a lot of homeschool graduates who are very much anti homeschooling. For the vast majority of them, I suspect it's more anger over their poor homeschooling education.

I suspect it might also be due to an excessive emphasis on "purity" and "modesty" if that was a huge part of their "education." Even in my early days of homeschooling, beginning in 1999, I was taught more about how to dress my daughters and keep them locked away from boys than I ever was given any guidance on how to plan for high school or even just plan my homeschool days, although there was plenty of advice on how to run a "godly" home on a tight schedule.

 

Those early memories are still rough on my oldest, I think. None of us are antihomeschool, but I did so much out of fear... fear of non-Christians, fear of not being "better" than the public schools, fear that if I didn't do what the experts said was right that I would have wicked children...

[abba12]

Yeah I know one. They saw me being homeschooled and thought it was awesome, and their daughter was having severe emotional issues, so they decided to bring her home for 9th grade. Except, they pulled her mid-year so they decided she needed to do the entire year's worth of curriculum in the final 6 months. Also, they knew I was the eldest of a largish homeschool family and did my work almost entirely independently, and expected their just-out-of-school daughter to do the same, for a double workload, and somehow not fall into a worse depression for being alone in a room all day.

 

Yeah. It didn't go well. Turned into a rather sad story actually, her mental issues got worse, not better. She went back to school 6 months later and in a worse position, and it was all my fault for recommending homeschooling to them (even though I was also game enough to tell them, repeatedly, that double work was insane, that she needed help because she had never done independent learning before, and that leaving her alone in a silent room all day was bad), and their daughters fault for not just being able to do double work in a room alone all day without hating herself. They told anyone they could that homeschooling was bad and they no longer trusted my education either, and mentioned more than once that I should insist on going to school.

 

Sigh. I hated them. 

Edited February 1, 2017 by abba12

[BlsdMama]

Do you know any ex homeschooling parents who are now anti homeschooling?  

 

By anti homeschooling I mean that they think all homeschooling is "bad" (or insert own negative word)  .... not just that homeschooling didn't work out for their individual family. 

 

I'd like to hear your understanding of their story and why they are now against homeschooling.

 

I'm interested because I met a homeschool mom the other day who mentioned that one of her ex homeschool friends is now anti homeschooling and now I'm curious .....

 

 

That boggles my mind.  I can't imagine benefitting from something and then being hateful towards it?  Hm.

[morningcoffee]

That boggles my mind.  I can't imagine benefitting from something and then being hateful towards it?  Hm.

 

But maybe their homeschooling experience didn't actually benefit them or their children ...  

Edited February 1, 2017 by morningcoffee

[morningcoffee]

Yeah I know one. They saw me being homeschooled and thought it was awesome, and their daughter was having severe emotional issues, so they decided to bring her home for 9th grade. Except, they pulled her mid-year so they decided she needed to do the entire year's worth of curriculum in the final 6 months. Also, they knew I was the eldest of a largish homeschool family and did my work almost entirely independently, and expected their just-out-of-school daughter to do the same, for a double workload, and somehow not fall into a worse depression for being alone in a room all day.

 

Yeah. It didn't go well. Turned into a rather sad story actually, her mental issues got worse, not better. She went back to school 6 months later and in a worse position, and it was all my fault for recommending homeschooling to them (even though I was also game enough to tell them, repeatedly, that double work was insane, that she needed help because she had never done independent learning before, and that leaving her alone in a silent room all day was bad), and their daughters fault for not just being able to do double work in a room alone all day without hating herself. They told anyone they could that homeschooling was bad and they no longer trusted my education either, and mentioned more than once that I should insist on going to school.

 

Sigh. I hated them. 

 

That is a sad story  :sad:

[maize]

It may be similar to the way some people who were deeply religious at one point turn very anti religion (or anti their particular denomination) after they leave/deconvert.

 

Conversions can always go both ways. Given that some people start out anti-homeschooling and later become energetic homeschool advocates it really shouldn't be surprising that the reverse also happens.

[PollyOR]

My oldest asked to be homeschooled (8th, 11th, and 12th).  Once she got married, she suddenly turned anti-homeschooling.  Her husband influenced her opinion heavily (in his eyes I can do no right).  Oldest dd even sent a five page single spaced letter to us and dd#3 about how dd#3 should attend public school.   It persuaded dd#3 and she chose to attend public school.  There were pros and cons (life altering).

 

After experiencing some negative attitudes from her children once they started attending school, oldest dd tried to homeschool.  It was too much stress for her personally and IMHO she didn't have much support from her DH.  She put her children back in public school this week and I'm supportive of her decision.  I think it will be good for her kids to have more structure since they just moved to a new city and there will be a new baby in a few months.

 

I'm not as pro homeschool as I was when my children were little.  But, the pros my kids have experienced when they did attend public school weren't worth the cons.  

[Anne in CA]

I knew one such mother. She was only a home school parent because she was crazy over protective. She didn't value education to the same level that she valued watching her kids every. single. second. She couldn't get them to do any school work 'cause she was a nut, and was horrified when they went to school and learned things. Ummm, she was always the problem. Always. A nut can't really teach. She was more interested in keeping her kids under her thumb than getting them to learn anything. When she tried to tell me how bad home schooling was I am afraid I looked at her pretty cockeyed. 

[OneStepAtATime]

But maybe their homeschooling experience didn't actually benefit them or their children ...  

I agree, this probably is true of a switch like that.  What is sad is that someone would then broaden their own experience to then assume that ALL homeschooling is bad for literally everyone.  That takes a pretty big leap. I suspect that for some it is to save face.  It is hard to admit that something you had staunchly advocated for, maybe convinced others to try, in the end did not work for you and your children (regardless of the reasons, and there could be many).  I think some may find it easier to make a more general statement that homeschooling in general is bad than to admit that you in particular were bad at homeschooling (which I think is what some secretly feel inside regardless of whether that is true).

 

FWIW, I think homeschooling was what we absolutely had to do in the moment.  Both kids were in bad situations.  I had to pull them and start homeschooling.  And yeah, I got pretty strong into "homeschooling is amazing".  I did convince others to homeschool, too.  Some still are.  Several are not.  It was a poor fit for their families.  For one in particular it was detrimental to the whole family.  I am glad she was strong enough to realize that and put her kids back in school, despite the strong protestations of other homeschoolers.  

 

It has actually been a pretty poor fit for my son, too.  He did better in a classroom.  Just not the classroom he was in (emotionally abusive teacher).  Putting him back in is not an option right now but if I could, I would.  The luster has dulled with regard to my views on homeschooling.  I think it is great for many, o.k. for others, and a poor fit for still others.  And it can vary within the same family by season and child and all kinds of other factors. I no longer talk it up as highly as I once did.  I try to be more balanced and honest in my assessment.  But I don't think it is terrible at all.  I still feel it can be a wonderful option, either for all of those academic years or for some of those academic years.  It has certainly been a gift for my daughter.  In fact, I think it saved her.  It is not the be all and end all of education for every family but it is definitely a solid option.  

[Desert Strawberry]

But maybe their homeschooling experience didn't actually benefit them or their children ...  

Of the three moms that I personally am referring to, one was seriously the most insecure homeschooled I have ever interacted with. She just had no faith in herself at all. I'm not even sure how she came to be homeschooling, because she was never really on board. Her kids were doing fine, but she was always convinced that they were going down in flames. I guess she just really lacked conviction in the process.

 

One was a deeply freespirited hippie dealing with a difficult pregnancy and husband was never home. She put her kids in Sudbury school and loved it like crazy. I mean just LOVED it. Never wanted it any other way. Tuition went up, and bam. She's homeschooling again. 

 

The last one, I think just didn't want to do it. I think maybe it was harder than she expected. The boys, then two baby girls. I think it was just too chaotic. She sent the oldest boy to Catholic school, then the next, and next, until all of the school age kids were going. I think she pulled one girl from kindy and never sent the other. 

[laundrycrisis]

I'm certainly not anti, but over our years of homeschooling, I have become less impressed and less comfortable with it.   I'm losing my conviction that complete freedom is necessarily a good thing, and I hate that I'm losing that, because I'm very conflicted about these feelings.   I love that there is an alternative to public school that doesn't require the $$ and politics of private school.  But I wish people would be responsible, logical and realistic.  I wish they would take the responsibility seriously.  I've learned so much, and I get more and more turned off.   :sad:

[HSmomof2]

I've known two IRL that homeschooled, sent their kids back to school and became anti-homeschooling. In both cases it was a parenting problem, not a schooling problem. The kids would have been fine. Wing homeschooled if their mothers could have done it more normally. But since they couldn't/wouldn't, it probably was best the kids went back to school. I'm pro whatever works best for each child/family public, private, or homeschool.

[maize]

Also, I think some people tend to be very black and white thinkers--something must be all good or all bad; public school is all bad or all good, homeschool is all good or all bad. And if option A is Good, option B must be Bad. There just isn't room for a lot of in between.

[Guest]

Also, I think some people tend to be very black and white thinkers--something must be all good or all bad; public school is all bad or all good, homeschool is all good or all bad. And if option A is Good, option B must be Bad. There just isn't room for a lot of in between.

Yes, the people I can think of who would have this tendency are very rigid thinkers and very much 'all in!' on their hobby or cause of the moment. They're also very impulsive about these things they glom onto. It seems a type of personality more than a reflection of the thing they're loving or hating at the moment.

[LMD]

There is a woman - a psychologist - in our state, who, as the story goes, homeschooled for a short while (couple of years max)

The children returned to school and she proceeded to give media interviews as a self proclaimed expert about the difficulties of homeschooling - mainly socialisation.

 

I have no idea what happened, but I'm quite wary now.

Edited February 1, 2017 by LMD

[LMD]

True, and believe me I hear you, 2 of dd's friends are back to school this year, but if you read the tone of her opinion it was more like the kids will be weirdos and unable to cope in the real world.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I've known a couple of people who basically just failed at homeschooling and went through a phase of blaming homeschooling in general.

 

 

I think that this is a good point. No matter what educational method we choose, the actual teaching matters. Who we choose to teach might vary- it might be a professional teacher or a tutor or a co-op or a book or a online teacher or ourselves. But not all students respond to all teachers. And not all teachers are as good. Failing to provide good teaching (which doesn't have to be perfect) is failing to educate. And in homeschooling the buck stops with us.

 

This doesn't mean that someone can't try it, realize that for whatever reason it isn't the best for their family and move on. I actually admire having the objectivity to realize that there needs to be a change at times. But blaming the entire method when actually there is a problem with the execution of one of components of that method , is not objective.

[J-rap]

I can't imagine a balanced thinker (who used to homeschool) ever coming to a thoughtful conclusion that it's absolutely wrong for everybody, even if they decided it was wasn't the best solution for themselves.  I think if anyone did come to that conclusion, it would probably be due to something very personal or misplaced blame, which in the end wouldn't really apply to everyone else after all.

 

On the other hand, I've been surprised before!

 

 

[lailasmum]

Not any that think it's absolutely bad. I have one friend who was led down the path of radical unschooling by her husband who now thinks she did the wrong thing (they're separated now). One of her kids is an adult and is angry about her education because she's just not prepared for anything, no qualifications, not much actual tangible education as such to get her started in the world, it's been exceptionally hard for her. I'll probably always be suspicious of that approach because I've seen so many kids in our home educating community where it seems to be a way to get away with doing very little actual parenting and not really setting kids up for their future, it's seems to be more about the parents than the kids.

 

I think if you are doing your best to choose a good quality education that gives your child a solid foundation and options in the future then it doesn't really matter whether it's home or school because different options will always suit different people. It's the quality that counts and it being about the kids not the parents.

[EndOfOrdinary]

The number of families I have come into contact with where I am skeptical they are actually providing a better education at home versus what a public school could offer is quite dramatic. I think those families should have a right to homeschool, but I no longer feel it should be completely open ended. I do not think that makes me anti-homeschooling, but without finding this forum I might have become that way.

 

In my rural area, homeschooling is often synonymous with religious training. Not schooling much in any way. Lots of "faith learning" and "prayer schooling." As in Johnny is 15 and cannot read yet, but we are praying that the Lord will show him a path for his specific gifts. Not an exaggeration. Or Lisa is learning her lessons well. She can cook well, sew, and tend children with such patience that she will make the best wife. We are going to start taking offers next year and we will graduate her to her husband.

 

The Individualist in me believes you have a right to screw up your own kids. The tax payer in me is alarmed.

 

I also know people who feel the moment someone takes an outside class, they are no longer homeschooling. If that were the definition, then yes, I am anti-homeschooling. I cannot think of any person who is so well rounded that they would be able to teach their child without the outside help of a language class, or science lab co-op, or a MOOC, swim lessons, music lessons, or DE, or whatever. Everyone has weaknesses. Something tells me that is not where the OP is going.

[LLMom]

The lady who runs No longer Quivering and those who write articles are anti-homeschooling. She and many of the posters homeschooled. Some were homeschooled themselves but their parents were into a lot of other issues that caused problems but homeschooling gets lumped in there. I am much more understanding of needing to put kids in school than when I was young, but I will always be a fan of homeschooling.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Even I am soured on homeschooling as a cultural, religious (or philosophical) lifestyle - in which it doesn't even matter if the hs'ing parent is educated, capable of teaching, or interested in teaching. People who don't care whether their children learn, or who lie to themselves daily about grocery shopping being equivalent to seventh grade math at school, should not be their child's primary educator!

 

I'm not ready to take away hs'ing from failing hs'ers on a legal or policy level, I don't really know what that would even look like, but I'm past ready to say that it's wrong to deny a child an education. Like many hs'ers of my generation, as evidenced in this thread, I'm not sure I want to argue against regulation to prevent educational neglect.

 

However, like everyone else, I'm not convinced there's such a thing as effective, yet flexible and reasonable, regulation. If it's got enough power to work, it's probably got enough power to prevent any child from enjoying a customized education. I'm always mindful of the outliers, having raised outliers.

 

The whole topic is very frustrating for me. I'm not sure where to stand. I want the freedom to finish raising and educating my youngest child at home. But I don't feel proud to stand with other hs'ers in my state, who are standing together as a religious and political movement. (I'm on the wrong side of both.) I feel proud to stand with YOU, my fellow academically focused, educated, capable and responsible educators.

[maize]

The number of families I have come into contact with where I am skeptical they are actually providing a better education at home versus what a public school could offer is quite dramatic.

Agree with most of your post but want to comment on this.

 

I don't personally see "provide a better education than the public school" as a prime motivator for many people--myself included. I want to provide a different kind of education, in a different kind of environment.

 

I got a good education at school, but I was miserably bullied, socially isolated (yep, in a crowd) and horrifically stressed. School felt to me like years on end in prison.

 

Clearly it is not that way for everyone, but avoiding that type of experience for my children certainly plays a role in my educational decision making.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I'm not as pro homeschooling as I was...but I wouldn't say I was anti and I'm definitely not ex yet!

Exactly. And if we feel like this, as parents who are glad we've been able to homeschool and who aren't even done yet, then it's easy to believe that others who have had less success (but all the same hardship) are just...over it. Especially if nuance of thought is not their best thing.

[Lady Florida.]

No, I don't know anyone like that. I know some who wish they had done things differently and one who wonders if it would have been better if her dc had gone to school, but none who became anti-homeschooling.

 

As for me, I used to be anti-homeschool regulation but after seeing what some people call homeschooling I changed my opinion on that. I think some regulation is necessary for the sake of the children being homeschooled.

[Lady Florida.]

No, I don't know anyone like that. I know some who wish they had done things differently and one who wonders if it would have been better if her dc had gone to school, but none who became anti-homeschooling.

 

As for me, I used to be anti-homeschool regulation but after seeing what some people call homeschooling I changed my opinion on that. I think some regulation is necessary for the sake of the children being homeschooled.

[OneStepAtATime]

Variation on a theme...

 

I was thinking this over and I do know a friend who had kids in private school who ran into bullying issues for her eldest child when they switched to a ps middle school (ironically the bullies were her former friends from the private elementary school).  I was already homeschooling so she asked my opinion.  After giving what amounted to a seminar on homeschooling for her and her husband (I was a very enthusiastic new homeschooler LOL) they made the leap.  She became a super staunch advocate for homeschooling.  She is a mover and a shaker and pushed hard for some great activities and options not just for all of her kids but for all homeschoolers in our area (not many of us compared to the population at large).  However, as time has passed she has become quite jaded.  She still homeschools and loves it but she thinks that most homeschoolers are flaky and untrustworthy and most homeschool run organizations/activities are a joke.  She talks pretty negatively about homeschooling in general, even though she thinks it has been fantastic for her own children.  

[Guest]

Variation on a theme...

 

I was thinking this over and I do know a friend who had kids in private school who ran into bullying issues for her eldest child when they switched to a ps middle school (ironically the bullies were her former friends from the private elementary school). I was already homeschooling so she asked my opinion. After giving what amounted to a seminar on homeschooling for her and her husband (I was a very enthusiastic new homeschooler LOL) they made the leap. She became a super staunch advocate for homeschooling. She is a mover and a shaker and pushed hard for some great activities and options not just for all of her kids but for all homeschoolers in our area (not many of us compared to the population at large). However, as time has passed she has become quite jaded. She still homeschools and loves it but she thinks that most homeschoolers are flaky and untrustworthy and most homeschool run organizations/activities are a joke. She talks pretty negatively about homeschooling in general, even though she thinks it has been fantastic for her own children.

I think a lot of people have soured on homeschoolers, but not homeschooling. Sometimes erroneously imo, but sometimes not.

[Lecka]

I know someone who doesn't know very much about homeschooling, but is anti-homeschooling.

 

There was a long story and her daughter's friends in 10th grade all decided to homeschool with an online charter. It was going to be so amazing and her daughter was going to be able to take community college classes for free.

 

It turned out that the classes were difficult, and the girl did not have the oversight needed. Her mom thought (or was told) her daughter would be fine to do it while she was at work.

 

Then her daughter got bad grades and then got bad grades again, and then I am not sure if she just quit doing the work or what. But she didn't complete the online program.

 

And then, she dropped out of high school.

 

I think the classes wouldn't transfer or else her grades were too low, I don't know.

 

I probably don't know all the details but this is the general idea.

 

Her mom is really, really negative with the online charters now and thinks there were a lot of false promises and misrepresentations made to her.

 

I think she may have put her daughter in a program intended either for highly motivated students or students with more oversight. (I think her oversight would have been fine at public school, I think she would have realized sooner if her daughter was missing school or not turning in any work... I think she would have found out after one semester.... but I don't know why she didn't know after one semester with the online charter... or if it was more that the classes wouldn't transfer.)

 

But I can see being very negative about it, and I think she equates this with homeschooling to some extent. But I don't think she thinks all homeschooling is bad, but she is generally against the online charters and doesn't think they solve problems. She has said they are only good for a very limited kind of student and really not for everybody.

 

But I think it was really talked up to her and also I think in the group of kids her daughter did it with, she was not the only one to have it go really poorly.

[TravelingChris]

Yes, I sort of met one person who might qualify.  She and her husband put kids back in school to evangelize the public school kids.  They were on a crusade to convince others (probably just us, since I didn't know other homeschooling families in that church) to do the same.  So I guess she turned anti-homeschooling for upper grades but for a reason I had no regards for.  Neither my husband nor I thought we should sacrifice our children's education and safety (there were criminal acts going on in the public schools my daughters would be attending including stabbings) for the remote chance that they would end up evangelizing anyone.  We just didn't see that as a role for our children.

 

On another point, Tibbie, I definitely feel we are cultural homeschoolers= culture of learning.  Homeschooling was a natural fit for our family.  Both dh and I were and are autodidacts along with being well educated and our whole family is into learning.  Our family culture of discussions about all sorts of matters ranging from scientific discoveries to historical events to music trends to just about everything, going to concerts, museums, natural attractions, historical places, and the love we all have for books (and have plenty of them) made a difference in our homeschooling.  We have met many homeschoolers who homeschooled in similar ways and for the most part, their kids are doing okay to very well.  I don't know why some people homeschooled.  I have known some for whom religion was maybe the main factor but for all of them that I am still in contact and know what happened with children,  only one family has had severe problems (not related to homeschooling in any way), put kids into public school, and kids have not turned out well.  But in that case, it is very hard to blame homeschooling (even though I really didn;t like the style of homeschooling they did- solely using a workbook program) because both the kids lives before they were adopted (all adopted past infancy) and the severe issues that family had, probably had more to do with their problems.  Even with all the issues, the person who had the most trauma in their life is the child that is most successful in that family.

[DawnM]

Hmmmm......I haven't really run into this.  I have run into people who are against HSing and people who are against PS, but they started out that way.

 

I am pro whatever works for your kid and your family.  We have homeschooled and we have schooled.  My kids enjoyed both and are thriving at PS now.  Of course there is negative to both, and there is never going to be a perfect school situation.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

 

 

On another point, Tibbie, I definitely feel we are cultural homeschoolers= culture of learning. 

 

That's not at all what I meant. I was speaking of Gothard-type families who are Homeschool or Bust, and who only associate with others who feel the same way. It's a deliberately formed community, a shared culture that is built around a certain type of family structure, including not sending kids to school...whether the kids are learning is secondary.

 

Which isn't the same at all as a single family having a lifestyle of learning.

[Guest]

Haven't read the responses. I'm starting to become anti but I'm mostly against the way our local homeschoolers are trending (conservative, isolationist). I also see the toll it takes on a woman's career and that concerns me greatly. I worry about the young moms with multiple little kids trying to do it all and feeling like failures.

[MysteryJen]

A variation on this: when dd2 started high school at our local high school a huge number of "friends" seemed ridiculously happy that I had now "changed my mind" about homeschooling. Friends who had posed as supportive of our educational choices made comments about how now that I have put one kid in ps I really understand that ps is so, so much better than homeschooling.

Still homeschooling my 11th and 7th grader.

 

And, like before, I reserve my right to choose the best education for each individual child; a decision made WITH the teen, not FOR the teen. I want to be snarky and rude to these people, but so far have held my tongue. But I will tell you, having a kid in ps high school is exactly what I expected. Good, adequate, and bad.

[EndOfOrdinary]

Agree with most of your post but want to comment on this.

 

I don't personally see "provide a better education than the public school" as a prime motivator for many people--myself included. I want to provide a different kind of education, in a different kind of environment.

 

I got a good education at school, but I was miserably bullied, socially isolated (yep, in a crowd) and horrifically stressed. School felt to me like years on end in prison.

 

Clearly it is not that way for everyone, but avoiding that type of experience for my children certainly plays a role in my educational decision making.

I guess I should have said, opportunities at home are not about the best interests of the child when compared to public school.

 

I would definitely consider a home education in that situation as superior to a publicly schooled education. My son would be educated well in my husbabd's school dustrict, but emotionally scarred. I was evenincluding emotional issues in the bubble of education, since it is hard to care about school when you are an emotional basketcase.

 

One mom we know keeps her daughter home and out of fancy PS art school where the kid would just be amazing because mom "wants her close to me." Youngest in the family has a heart issue, so Mom has decided that they will do everything together. It has nothing to do with daughter. A group of us even did an intervention it was so extremely all about Mom. Another mother is philisophically opposed to schooling from the government, so her severly dyslexic child do not recieve reading or speech therapy. Stuff along those lines. It is so completely about the parent, they have forgotten to step back and see the child.

[PrincessMommy]

I don't know anyone like that, but I will say that I am not as pro-homeschooling or anti-institutional schooling as I once was, so I could see how it would be possible.

 

This describes me too.

[Mom22ns]

But maybe their homeschooling experience didn't actually benefit them or their children ...  

 

I've known a few people that failed miserably at homeschooling, usually because they thought it was something their kids would do, not something they would have to do  :001_rolleyes: . When their kids go back to school and are behind, they blame homeschooling. When they look back at the conflict and family stress it caused, they blame homeschooling. Homeschooling isn't for everyone and for those who fail it is often easier to blame the concept than it is to take responsibility for the failure.

[DawnM]

Haven't read the responses. I'm starting to become anti but I'm mostly against the way our local homeschoolers are trending (conservative, isolationist). I also see the toll it takes on a woman's career and that concerns me greatly. I worry about the young moms with multiple little kids trying to do it all and feeling like failures.

 

It definitely took a toll on my career.

I had NO intention of being a SAHM.  In fact, I did things backwards.  I worked until the older two boys were 9 and 7 and then stayed home.  I worked full time until they were 3 and 5, then went to 2/3 time until they were 7 and 9 and we moved to a lower cost of living area.

 

But I did it mostly because my oldest has ASD and school was just not working for him, at all.  

 

He is turning 19 now and doing well, so I have returned to work, only to realize my retirement is now messed up because of all the years I didn't work (it is not as much about the AMOUNT of retirement, but the health insurance.)

 

I was never a die hard HSer.  I did it out of necessity and because I felt it was best for the time.  I knew I would return to work at some point.

 

Oh, and I am a PS teacher and PS counselor, so how in the world could I truly be ANTI public education?  I am not one who quit her job because I no longer agreed with it, I quit to help my son.

 

I don't have daughters, but I will encourage my sons to marry girls with some sort of career path in mind, even if they choose to stay home a while.  My father always told me that anything could happen down the line.....your spouse could lose his job, could be hurt and unable to work, or even die.....and you will need some skill to support your family.   His mother was a nurse and worked when he was a child, she went down to part time some years, but she worked.  

 

Sorry, this ended up being rather long and preachy, but it concerns me when I hear of moms who are so into only homeschooling that they don't have any sort of way to make real money.  We just had a homeschool family lose their father to a heart attack, so this is heavy on my mind at the moment. 

[Crimson Wife]

I know several former HSers who were blindsided by a change in their family's circumstances (typically divorce, widowhood, or breadwinner becoming seriously ill/disabled) and are now struggling. They are not specifically anti-HSing but rather they are anti-SAHP and think that the stupidest thing a woman can do is quit her paid job after having a baby. Homeschooling is bad in their mind because it generally requires having a SAHP. Women should put their kids in daycare and then B&M schools so that they can have careers and not be financially dependent on their husbands.

 

I certainly feel sympathy for these former HSers who are struggling, but I think they dramatically overstate the risks of something bad happening.

[Guest]

It definitely took a toll on my career.

I had NO intention of being a SAHM. In fact, I did things backwards. I worked until the older two boys were 9 and 7 and then stayed home. I worked full time until they were 3 and 5, then went to 2/3 time until they were 7 and 9 and we moved to a lower cost of living area.

 

But I did it mostly because my oldest has ASD and school was just not working for him, at all.

 

He is turning 19 now and doing well, so I have returned to work, only to realize my retirement is now messed up because of all the years I didn't work (it is not as much about the AMOUNT of retirement, but the health insurance.)

 

I was never a die hard HSer. I did it out of necessity and because I felt it was best for the time. I knew I would return to work at some point.

 

Oh, and I am a PS teacher and PS counselor, so how in the world could I truly be ANTI public education? I am not one who quit her job because I no longer agreed with it, I quit to help my son.

 

I don't have daughters, but I will encourage my sons to marry girls with some sort of career path in mind, even if they choose to stay home a while. My father always told me that anything could happen down the line.....your spouse could lose his job, could be hurt and unable to work, or even die.....and you will need some skill to support your family. His mother was a nurse and worked when he was a child, she went down to part time some years, but she worked.

 

Sorry, this ended up being rather long and preachy, but it concerns me when I hear of moms who are so into only homeschooling that they don't have any sort of way to make real money. We just had a homeschool family lose their father to a heart attack, so this is heavy on my mind at the moment.

Yep. And "leaning on the Lord" is great but it is not a solid plan B. And every woman needs a plan B.

[Retired]

I know 2 familes like this they blame homeschooling on their kids "hating them"    The first one the mom is bi-polar had 9 kids and not emotionally healthy.  She may of been better when younger.  But I meet her when her 16 yo daughter was homeschooling all the younger ones.  I watch the older kids leave home quick.  She put the others in public school.  The older girls and boys left the state.  The mom is bitter.  The kids are still early adult I talk them on facebook.  They are just happy to be away from mom

 

The other family was a pastor family they adopted 6 and birth 6.   I meet them when the oldest  girl was 11.  She was taking on full parenting roll. No joke I kept dropping by the house unannounced  and she would be left there with all the younger kids.  I just started doing this and helping her when parents disappeared.  The parents would leave them overnight.  I confronted the parents.  They were al labout how mature she was.  I kept telling how dang wrong it was and tried to help for a bout a year.   It took 4 more years before dhr took the kids.  There was other stuff going on in t he house.   There were plenty of us reporting.  The parents divorced after DHR took the kids. The women lived under years of spiritual abuse.   She regret homeschool, regret all the ultra religious stuff.  She is very anti-homeschooling but I think at this point she just regrets her life choices

She is getting healthier but I'm guessing homeschooling will always be about being controlled so I'm guessing she will continue to be anti-homeschool