What cash amount would you give to DD's boyfriend for 21st?

[Ginevra]

They have a longstanding relationship and have only been each other's gf/bf. Boyfriend is turning 21 this week and I'm going to send him some money. I was considering $50. Is this excessive? I don't typically give him a gift, but 21 is a special birthday. Is that going to seem like I'm being "flashy"? Or does this sound like a normal amount to you?

[TammyinTN]

I think that sounds great....it's what I have done and would do again. :)

 

[Ali in OR]

I would give $21. But I'm cheap.

[Luckymama]

I think $50 is fine.

[katilac]

I would probably prefer to take them to a special dinner when in town, or maybe send him a gift card for a restaurant where they are. 

 

Even if it's the same amount, it feels different to me. A substantial cash gift when you don't even normally get him a gift smacks too much of "Welcome to the family, son!" for my tastes. 

 

Of course, I'm currently of the mindset that I don't want anyone getting too comfortable as part of the family in the college years. 

 

 

[Guest]

I would probably prefer to take them to a special dinner when in town, or maybe send him a gift card for a restaurant where they are.

 

Even if it's the same amount, it feels different to me. A substantial cash gift when you don't even normally get him a gift smacks too much of "Welcome to the family, son!" for my tastes.

 

Of course, I'm currently of the mindset that I don't want anyone getting too comfortable as part of the family in the college years.

Well, he is kinda like part of the family.

 

I have begun to worry about gift cards these days. It's easier for them to go uncashed and be a waste. This is why I was thinking cash is better. (Just my own experience here...I have gotten many gift cards over the years that were for places I didn't go and/or wasn't motivated to go. And then even if you do go to the gift card place, you will either under-spend the card and then have a card with $3.27 on it, or over-spend, which makes you wonder why you ended up spending $12.49 on buffalo wings that you didn't especially want to buy in the first place. ;))

[Corraleno]

I think $50 sounds perfect.

 

ETA: I agree about gift cards — too easy to get lost, only get partially used, require the recipient to spend some of their own money, etc. Cash is always welcome.

 

 

Edited October 31, 2016 by Corraleno

[Kassia]

I think $50 is great and not flashy at all.  I probably wouldn't spend that much but, like a previous poster, I am kind of cheap.  Cash is always appreciated by young people!  Like you, our kids' long-term significant others are part of the family.  

[Evergreen State Sue]

I gave my son two $20 bills and a $1 bill, and taped it to the card so you couldn't see the second $20.  It only looked like "$21" because that was symbolic of this special birthday.  I thought $21 wasn't enough, and we did take him out for a special dinner too. 

[Evergreen State Sue]

My sister gave her nephew $21 in cash - so I guess it depends how close you are to the young man.

Edited October 31, 2016 by Evergreen State Sue

[Selkie]

I would give $50 in that situation, too, and I agree that cash is better than a gift card.  I'm sure he'll appreciate your thoughtfulness!

[Angie in VA]

I would give $21. But I'm cheap.

 

 

I gave my 21 year old $21.21 (and other gifts).

 

Since they grew up getting their age in dollars and cents, my dc think it's good to age, lol. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited for clarity. 

Edited October 31, 2016 by Angie in VA

[EKS]

$50 is perfect.

[Code Lyoko]

$50 sounds great to me, too. And yeah gift cards here get shoved in drawers. Cash works well, IMHO.

[poppy]

$50 is a kind and also appropriate gift. I'm sure he'll appreciate it .

[Scarlett]

Well, he is kinda like part of the family.

 

I have begun to worry about gift cards these days. It's easier for them to go uncashed and be a waste. This is why I was thinking cash is better. (Just my own experience here...I have gotten many gift cards over the years that were for places I didn't go and/or wasn't motivated to go. And then even if you do go to the gift card place, you will either under-spend the card and then have a card with $3.27 on it, or over-spend, which makes you wonder why you ended up spending $12.49 on buffalo wings that you didn't especially want to buy in the first place. ;))

I don't do gift cards. I write checks. Then I can see when it has been cashed and not worry about it.

[Guest]

Well, he is kinda like part of the family.

 

I have begun to worry about gift cards these days. It's easier for them to go uncashed and be a waste. This is why I was thinking cash is better. (Just my own experience here...I have gotten many gift cards over the years that were for places I didn't go and/or wasn't motivated to go. And then even if you do go to the gift card place, you will either under-spend the card and then have a card with $3.27 on it, or over-spend, which makes you wonder why you ended up spending $12.49 on buffalo wings that you didn't especially want to buy in the first place. ;))

I'd just take them out to eat, no gift card.

[Mergath]

$50 was my initial thought. Twenty would feel too cheap given that he's like part of your family imo, but $100 might seem flashy or too much. Fifty is perfect.

[StephanieZ]

Sounds just right to me. I'd say 50-100 is reasonable for that sort of thing. 

[happi duck]

$50 sounds perfect but I do love the "21" thing!

[Reefgazer]

I stopped giving gift cards years ago. I didn't see the point; it's cash, so now I just give the actual cash and I don't worry about fees or expiration dates or if the person might not like the store I bought the cards from.

Well, he is kinda like part of the family.

 

I have begun to worry about gift cards these days. It's easier for them to go uncashed and be a waste. This is why I was thinking cash is better. (Just my own experience here...I have gotten many gift cards over the years that were for places I didn't go and/or wasn't motivated to go. And then even if you do go to the gift card place, you will either under-spend the card and then have a card with $3.27 on it, or over-spend, which makes you wonder why you ended up spending $12.49 on buffalo wings that you didn't especially want to buy in the first place. ;))

[ChocolateReignRemix]

My first thought was $50 so run with it.

[TranquilMind]

They have a longstanding relationship and have only been each other's gf/bf. Boyfriend is turning 21 this week and I'm going to send him some money. I was considering $50. Is this excessive? I don't typically give him a gift, but 21 is a special birthday. Is that going to seem like I'm being "flashy"? Or does this sound like a normal amount to you?

Sounds normal to me.

[J-rap]

I think $50 is fine, but I also really liked the above idea with two twenty's (one of them hidden behind the other) with a one.  I wouldn't give more than $50 though.

[FaithManor]

I personally would not choose to give cash of that size. I am of the camp of not making it look like "welcome to the family" when that is not the stage of relationship yet.

 

I would be more inclined to give a couple of $5.00 Starbuck cards, a couple of Dairy Queen cards, a bag of his favorite candy, and something fun like a penant or car flag of his favorite sports team if one can be purchased at a reasonable price. $25.00 would be my max outlay. But that's me.

[Beth S]

$21 to $50 sounds great.  Cash is a flexible no-strings-attached gift for the receiver!

Especially if the guy is likely to end up as your son-in-law, I would give with the mindset that you may be giving birthday gifts to him for the next few decades.

I'm hesitant to set a high precedent for gift-giving that I wouldn't be able to maintain.

 

 

[Jan in SC]

$50 is the perfect amount. It's not too small an amount for a close friend of the family/ long term boyfriend, and it's not so much that he might feel uncomfortable.

[Lanny]

From the title of your thread, I was going to suggest $25.  Now, I read your post where you mention $50.  I think that should be the maximum if you are giving him cash.

[SparklyUnicorn]

No I think it's fine.

 

My MIL gave me money many times before I married her son.  It didn't feel flashy.  Money is a good gift.  LOL

 

 

[Guest]

No I think it's fine.

 

My MIL gave me money many times before I married her son. It didn't feel flashy. Money is a good gift. LOL

My MIL has always given all of her children and their spouses and the grandkids cash for birthdays and Christmas. (For the kids, it was savings bonds, but same difference.) I know a DIL or two didn't like the practice, finding it impersonal, but I was always in favor. There was never any concern that perhaps a different kid or grandkid was getting better gifts. There were never any spectacular gift fails, i.e., an Aztec print vest that was four sizes too large. It was obviously simpler for her, not having to shop for personal gifts for six kids, six in-laws, and nineteen grandkids. That's a win all around.

[SparklyUnicorn]

My MIL has always given all of her children and their spouses and the grandkids cash for birthdays and Christmas. (For the kids, it was savings bonds, but same difference.) I know a DIL or two didn't like the practice, finding it impersonal, but I was always in favor. There was never any concern that perhaps a different kid or grandkid was getting better gifts. There were never any spectacular gift fails, i.e., an Aztec print vest that was four sizes too large. It was obviously simpler for her, not having to shop for personal gifts for six kids, six in-laws, and nineteen grandkids. That's a win all around.

 

I prefer money.  Probably 75% of the time my MIL misses the mark with gifts.  Not that I'm not grateful, but ya know I don't need 10,000 bottles of perfumed lotions and soaps (I don't use these things and I don't like them).  Or she gets me knickknacks.  I have nowhere to put knickknacks and I don't collect them.  I like cats, but not cat knickknacks.  I have a cat knickknack collection because she assumes I collect cat knickknacks since I like cats.  LOL  In her defense (not that she deserves to be defended exactly), she doesn't see me often and we don't talk so she probably has no idea what I really like.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I wish she'd send me a collection of bacon.

 

She once sent me a bunch of fancy vinegars and oils.  THAT was a great gift. 

[scrapbookbuzz]

I liked a previous poster's suggestion of $21 for the 21st birthday. If you don't normally give him gifts, $50 I think is over the top.

But $21 is "I think you should have something special today." As for gift cards, I'm ALWAYS glad to receive them, so if you have 

any you need to re-home . . .  :laugh:

[QueenCat]

I think that's an appropriate amount. For not a family member yet, I'd probably stick in that price range, whether cash or actual gift.

[Beth S]

Another option is to give a big candy bar (or some other $1 favorite item) and tuck the $$ inside.

 

[mamiof5]

I'd have probably gone with $25. That's more along the lines of what we can afford

[Liz CA]

If I could not think of anything fun / appropriate / useful I may give cash. $50 around here is not flashy.

[JustEm]

My MIL has always given all of her children and their spouses and the grandkids cash for birthdays and Christmas. (For the kids, it was savings bonds, but same difference.) I know a DIL or two didn't like the practice, finding it impersonal, but I was always in favor. There was never any concern that perhaps a different kid or grandkid was getting better gifts. There were never any spectacular gift fails, i.e., an Aztec print vest that was four sizes too large. It was obviously simpler for her, not having to shop for personal gifts for six kids, six in-laws, and nineteen grandkids. That's a win all around.

 

My dad gives everyone a 20 wrapped in 20 for Christmas. So that means 7 kids, 6 spouses, and 19 grandkids each get the same gift. It is a wonderful tradition and always greatly appreciated by all. He does this for bday also. My oldest has a bday in December so once Christmas and bday discussions start he immediately says, "well if I don't get such and such I know I'll have $80 from dzia dzia to get it." My kids pulled there Dzia Dzia money together last year and bought themselves a Wii U. Money is always appreciated as a gift in this house.

[teachermom2834]

I think $50 is perfect. My ds used to get cash and gifts from his gf 's (now ex) parents. It was always too much (like $100) and made me uncomfortable and made me feel cheap because no way was I going to reciprocate that. But $50 for a 21st birthday would not have made me uncomfortable.