Friend's undies

[Peaceful Isle]

If she was my best friend, anyone else, no.

[LucyStoner]

No one needs to be looking at their friend's rear end long enough to consider what her "butt cheeks" look like under or just over her pants.

 

Sorry OP but that's how I feel. You need to let this drop if you actually value her as a person.

 

You can let someone know their skirt is caught in their tights or similar sorts of wardrobe malfunctions. You should not let someone know you think the clothes they like are things you find unattractive unless an opinion is solicited and you know it's not a JAWM sort of ask.

Edited July 18, 2016 by LucyStoner

[Desert Strawberry]

Hey some people like big butts.  They even write songs about it. 

Haha! I know it. That song could have been written about me. I got a nice, round thang. 

Luckily, I've never had a shortage of these kind of men. I am ok with it. At the same time, criticism of my assets would be unhelpful and unkind. 

[Desert Strawberry]

My absolute best friend is coming over my house in about 30 minutes. I'm going to ask her how she would feel if I told her that her underwear made her butt look weird.

 I'm calling my best friend this evening when she's off work. I think I know her answer, because she posted numerous highly unflattering booby pics of me after I repeatedly asked if my dress and camisoles were covering me. They Were Not.

Edited July 18, 2016 by Desert Strawberry

[El...]

I would want to know if my crack was showing, for sure.  In fact, a friend told me mine was, once!  I was sitting on a piano bench in front of her!  Those jeans were just not working for me.  Thank God we were the only ones there and it wasn't the middle of a Sunday morning.  AAAAACK! 

 

Underwear lines... really, who cares?  We all struggle so much to find some that work for us, I'd just be glad my friends wear underwear.  (Though I don't check that, either.) 

 

I'm pretty sure my underwear lines show whenever I wear yoga pants.  If anyone but my sister commented, I'd be tempted to tell them to get lost.

[cjzimmer1]

Would you tell a friend that her underwear is not flattering?

 

She likes tight clothing and has unsightly lines...

 

 

Disclaimer:  I am not into fashion and am currently wearing an old pair of my son's shorts.....

 

Well if she's wearing tight clothes than I guess I'd rather see the lines than not.  At least then you know she's wearing underwear.  But really I can't see how it's anyone's else concern if the lines of her underwear show or not.

[MFG]

Haha! I know it. That song could have been written about me. I got a nice, round thang.

Luckily, I've never had a shortage of these kind of men. I am ok with it. At the same time, criticism of my assets would be unhelpful and unkind.

Do men care about things like VPL? Not in my experience. This is one women put on other women.

[Desert Strawberry]

Do men care about things like VPL? Not in my experience. This is one women put on other women.

 

No! I brought it up once with D, and he was like ,"Wut". I had to explain what they even were, and why they are tacky. This is a man who buys ladies underwear fairly regularly (for me) and he had no idea what I was talking about.

[Tammyla]

No, unless I was asked.  

 

Btw...ladies a guy way back in my school days loved white pants with p a n t y lines.  He managed to jeeve a lot of us out.

[JustEm]

I want a report on her answer! Lol!

She laughed and said, "well you've told me my breath smells before but that was after eating and we were on the way to kung fu so who wouldn't want to know that. I think my first reaction would be 'why is Em staring at my ass' then I'd think 'who cares what my ass looks like?!?!'

 

We discussed it further and both decided that it was on a different level from bad breath, food in teeth, or other one time issues you'd tell a friend. But we both agreed neither would be offended and we wouldn't be ending a friendship over it. But also agreed that friends of convenience would be more likely to be offended depending on how it was mentioned

[elegantlion]

I wouldn't say anything really. I'd only bring up underwear if they wore black  or red undies with white pants.

 

 

Wow. I'm so horrified by some of these posts.

 

I have a big butt. If my butt looks unflattering when I walk...I just don't know what to do with that. I mean really. If a "friend" pointed it out, well, I guess we just wouldn't be friends. Btw, my dh picks out my undies. I don't want anyone else's opinion. 

 

I am 5 feet tall. 5 of my friends are in the 6foot range. That puts my eyes right around panty height. I have never, in 20 years of friendship, ever noticed their panty lines or lack of. Never. I can't imagine. 

 

There is a problem here, and it's not your friend's butt.

 

I'm in the big booty camp as well. I can't figure out if friend has a big one or just aging one (I'm there too). I also have horrible self-esteem issues about my appearance which logically don't make sense as I feel like I'm aging well. But if someone brought up my derriere in a negative sense, I'd be a pile of goo for days and then wear long shirts and muumuus for the rest of my life.  

 

Oh come on.  That's an exaggeration.  The whole they don't care about their friend.  If you have that kind of relationship then why do you even ask us what we think?

 

A friend isn't someone we scrutinize, IMO.  A friend is someone who likes us @$$ crack and all.

 

Friends don't let friends show crack.  :coolgleamA:

[nevergiveup]

Seems I touched a nerve for several of you.

I don't go around judging women's butts.  She was wearing tight cut-off stretchy things with a short top for biking and was showing me.  I couldn't not see her butt.

As I stated:  she is fit and likes to show it--nothing wrong with that.  She values her looks--nothing wrong with that.  I try to support my friends.

So, I tried to put myself in her shoes.  Not easy since she is 5'3", small, blonde, and I am 5'9", large, gray.  I decided that I would want to know if I were her.

 

I was curious if others would tell their friends given the circumstances or if it was totally gauche.

So I asked.

 

Ageism?  We are both 55. 

 

 

[Rebel Yell]

Well if she's wearing tight clothes than I guess I'd rather see the lines than not. At least then you know she's wearing underwear. But really I can't see how it's anyone's else concern if the lines of her underwear show or not.

Not necessarily. If you can't see panty lines, maybe they are just wearing that really elusive pair that actually doesn't show any evidence of being worn.

 

And I truly do not care if people are wearing underwear or not. Except I did get angry when dance teachers tried to tell DD (pun intended) that she shouldn't wear a bra under her dance leotard.

[SparklyUnicorn]

 

 

Exactly. Why ask us?

 

It was a rather fun discussion.  :laugh:

 

And compared to all the serious scary stuff in the world pretty low stress right? 

[Jean in Newcastle]

Seems I touched a nerve for several of you.

I don't go around judging women's butts.  She was wearing tight cut-off stretchy things with a short top for biking and was showing me.  I couldn't not see her butt.

As I stated:  she is fit and likes to show it--nothing wrong with that.  She values her looks--nothing wrong with that.  I try to support my friends.

So, I tried to put myself in her shoes.  Not easy since she is 5'3", small, blonde, and I am 5'9", large, gray.  I decided that I would want to know if I were her.

 

I was curious if others would tell their friends given the circumstances or if it was totally gauche.

So I asked.

 

Ageism?  We are both 55. 

 

Biking clothes are not designed for fashionistas.  They are designed to be tight fitting in a way that normal clothes aren't. 

[ktgrok]

If she was biking she might have been wearing special biking underwear. It's a thing, and has padding to protect your tailbone,a nd looks a big weird. 

[myfunnybunch]

I was curious if others would tell their friends given the circumstances or if it was totally gauche.

So I asked.

 

I vote totally gauche. (Unless asked directly in some manner about the clothing or the appearance of her hind end, in which case, have at it.)

 

I dunno about touching a nerve. I'm reading that most folks are voting gauche and explaining why.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I vote totally gauche. (Unless asked directly in some manner about the clothing or the appearance of her hind end, in which case, have at it.)

 

I dunno about touching a nerve. I'm reading that most folks are voting gauche and explaining why.

 

Not to mention that a fashion complaint about bicycle shorts would net a  huge eye roll here just because it shows a lack of understanding of bicycle shorts and their purpose. 

[Guest]

Not to mention that a fashion complaint about bicycle shorts would net a huge eye roll here just because it shows a lack of understanding of bicycle shorts and their purpose.

Yeah really! Who wants chafing on their nether bits?

[StaceyinLA]

Well I don't know if I'd tell (although I probably would with certain people), but I'd want someone to tell me (although that isn't likely because the only thing I wear tight enough to show panty lines is jeans or jeggings and I, GASP, don't wear underwear with either). With looser clothing, I wear boy-cut briefs and rarely have a panty line issue, but I do think a distinct panty line in snug clothing is very noticeable whether someone is looking for it or not.

[katilac]

if others in your group have noticed and have similar concerns . . . my sil's friends did a "what not to wear" with her one year for her birthday.  made a list of what she was not allowed to wear - and  they even contributed to a new wardrobe group/gift.  they did have at least one person with fashion sense to help her with what TO wear that was more flattering.

 

Worst. gift. ever. 

[marbel]

Seems I touched a nerve for several of you.

I don't go around judging women's butts.  She was wearing tight cut-off stretchy things with a short top for biking and was showing me.  I couldn't not see her butt.

As I stated:  she is fit and likes to show it--nothing wrong with that.  She values her looks--nothing wrong with that.  I try to support my friends.

So, I tried to put myself in her shoes.  Not easy since she is 5'3", small, blonde, and I am 5'9", large, gray.  I decided that I would want to know if I were her.

 

I was curious if others would tell their friends given the circumstances or if it was totally gauche.

So I asked.

 

Ageism?  We are both 55. 

 

So, were they bike shorts, like real bike shorts with a padded butt?   But a short top?  Serious bikers (bicyclists?) usually wear a long top when they ride, so their lower back isn't exposed to the sun.  At least, that's what I see; I don't even own a bike.  :-)

 

Sorry to be so over-analytical but this whole thread is about analyzing.  I'm intrigued by the description of the shorts.  

 

[nevergiveup]

Not to mention that a fashion complaint about bicycle shorts would net a  huge eye roll here just because it shows a lack of understanding of bicycle shorts and their purpose. 

I didn't say they were biking shorts.

I said they were tight stretchy things.  And she was going biking.

That lead to your misunderstanding.  Sorry for that.

 

 

FYI:  one is not supposed to wear underwear under biking shorts.  And they have padding.  I own some.

[nevergiveup]

Her "stretchy things" (sorry for all the confusion), ended just above the knee and were tight.

They were not biking shorts.

Seems inquiring minds wanted to know. :001_smile:

[Bluegoat]

It would depend on how close we were, and whether I thought this was something she would want to be told.  If I wasn't sure, I would probably not say anything.

[teachermom2834]

I can see how in a particular moment with a close friend this might be ok. I have been in those kind of moments. But if the moment has passed and you want to bring it back up I think that could go very badly.

[flyingiguana]

No.  But then I probably wouldn't have noticed in the first place.

[flyingiguana]

Has anyone else ever wondered why the padding has to go in the biking shorts rather than on the bike seat?  Wouldn't it seem more efficient to put it on the seat?

[ktgrok]

Has anyone else ever wondered why the padding has to go in the biking shorts rather than on the bike seat?  Wouldn't it seem more efficient to put it on the seat?

 

Seriously!!!!!

[xixstar]

What an amusing thread.

 

For my one good friend that we talk about everything, i would absolutely tell her. She would either say thanks or laugh it off.

 

For general friends, we are not intimate enough to comment on each other's butt.

[skimomma]

Well, I must be shallow and so are all of my friends.  I had several couples over to my house last night and I brought this question up.  All five women said they most definitely would want one of us to say something in a situation like this and would not hesitate to say something themselves.  Then my dh piped up and said he certainly hoped one of us would say something to him if his undies made his butt look weird.  The other dhs assured him they had his back (or butt, ha ha).    We are a bunch of blunt people.  The women (I'll leave my dh out of this) all dress pretty simply but up-to-date and while none of us are fashion plates, we all like to dress nicely.  I know I do a butt check when wearing something new but if I miss it, yes, I would like someone to clue me in....preferably a friend.

[MEmama]

Has anyone else ever wondered why the padding has to go in the biking shorts rather than on the bike seat? Wouldn't it seem more efficient to put it on the seat?

The chamois does two things--it is a cushion for your nether regions and also helps to prevent chafing on long rides. If it was only on the bike seat (and I have seen examples of this), you would lose the second advantage. It is for this reason undies aren't worn under proper bike shorts--they create unwanted friction.

Edited July 19, 2016 by MEmama

[flyingiguana]

The chamois does two things--it is a cushion for your nether regions and also helps to prevent chafing on long rides. If it was only on the bike seat (and I have seen examples of this), you would lose the second advantage. It is for this reason undies aren't worn under proper bike shorts--they create unwanted friction.

So if the padding was on the seat, it would be best to ride naked?

 

That would take care of the panty lines

[MEmama]

So if the padding was on the seat, it would be best to ride naked?

 

That would take care of the panty lines

Right.

 

There are official naked rides in lots of cities. Have fun. ;)

[hornblower]

So if the padding was on the seat, it would be best to ride naked?

 

That would take care of the panty lines

 

well, there is World Naked Bike Ride Day. We have it in our city.  

 

I'd link to the wikipedia page but it's liberally illustrated & probably nsfw. 

 

but they don't LOOK chafed.....  :P 

[Ausmumof3]

Oh come on. That's an exaggeration. The whole they don't care about their friend. If you have that kind of relationship then why do you even ask us what we think?

 

A friend isn't someone we scrutinize, IMO. A friend is someone who likes us @$$ crack and all.

This is totally going on my quotable quotes for the day! Brilliant

[Guest]

Worst. gift. ever.

I remember a casual acquaintance of mine was talking about how some "friends" of hers ambushed her. These were something like card-game friends or Mom's club friends or something. She said, "Yes, we had 'Extreme Makeover' featuring...Me!" This lady is sweet and unobtrusive and I can only figure her "friends" are vain and shallow, because she said, with some pain, how the one lady asked if she had ever blown her hair out straight. When she had answered in the negative, and that she didn't think her hair would do that, the Well-Meaning-Fixer-Upper Squad gave her an impromptu makeover and then gushed on about how much *better* she looked.

 

Nice. *glare*

[Katy]

Am I the only one who flashed back to 13 Going on 30 in this thread?  It went something like:

 

"Can you tell I'm wearing underwear?  Because I totally am."

"That's kind of the point."

 

Cannot for the life of me figure out why anyone over the age of 40 who doesn't work for Spanx or who is otherwise in the fashion industry would remotely care about another woman's visible panty line.  Seriously, it's going to have to be a very important event with a very tight, shiny dress to ever convince me to squeeze into spanx or a thong again.

[Georgiana Daniels]

If you're questioning whether or not it's the right thing to do....it's not the right thing to do.

 

There's no harm that will come with her not knowing, but your relationship could be damaged if you tell.

[nevergiveup]

 

 

Cannot for the life of me figure out why anyone over the age of 40 who doesn't work for Spanx or who is otherwise in the fashion industry would remotely care about another woman's visible panty line.  Seriously, it's going to have to be a very important event with a very tight, shiny dress to ever convince me to squeeze into spanx or a thong again.

Did you read the thread?

I said I wondered because I thought it would be important the her, and I noticed because she was showing me what she was wearing at the time.

I didn't say she needed spanx or a thong--I stated she is thin and fit. 

I also stated she is a friend who is concerned about her looks.  Shouldn't I, as a friend, point out things I think would bother her?  Doesn't a friend try to help their friends be/do/achieve whatever is important to  them regardless of personal opinions?

 

 

 

This whole thread has gotten me to think about what people will and will not do for their friends.  It has been very interesting.

[gardenmom5]

Worst. gift. ever. 

 

she's *extremely* (and I MEAN extremely) social, and appreciated it.  her 'bff' (who has helped her redecorate her house - twice.)  is the one who organized it all.  the clerks in the store they took her to, found as many discounts as they could to reduce the price on various items.

[catz]

 

 

This whole thread has gotten me to think about what people will and will not do for their friends.  It has been very interesting.

 

Hmmm ... to me, know your audience.  If you had the kind of relationship where this would have been the right thing to say, I think you would have just naturally said something on the spot.   For some people, they might thank you.  Others might be horrified and back away and you wouldn't be doing them a favor at all.  It really does just depend on the relationship and who you're telling.

 

And I do think this is different than an actual wardrobe malfunction, like a skirt caught in a waist band.  Weird panty lines are just not on my radar at all.  If this happened to a friend of mine, I'm pretty sure I'd never say something because I'd never notice.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

 

I'm have friends I would tell, they would want to know.

 

 

I have friends I would not say anything to.

[Guest]

I'm have friends I would tell, they would want to know.

 

 

I have friends I would not say anything to.

Exactly. It depends on the person and friendship. I have friends I could easily mention this to and hear from them, and others who would take it badly or only mean it in a spiteful way. When in doubt say nothing ;)

[Katy]

Did you read the thread?

I said I wondered because I thought it would be important the her, and I noticed because she was showing me what she was wearing at the time.

I didn't say she needed spanx or a thong--I stated she is thin and fit. 

I also stated she is a friend who is concerned about her looks.  Shouldn't I, as a friend, point out things I think would bother her?  Doesn't a friend try to help their friends be/do/achieve whatever is important to  them regardless of personal opinions?

 

 

 

This whole thread has gotten me to think about what people will and will not do for their friends.  It has been very interesting.

 

Oh dear.  Yes, I did read the whole thread.  Thongs and Spanxs are for hiding visible panty lines, no matter how thin and/or fit you are.  The creator of Spanx, last I knew, wears about a size two.  She requires all her employees to wear Spanxs at work, VPL is not allowed.

 

Your friend has a mirror and understands the concept of spandex and she can see her panty line herself.  She opted to wear lycra without a thong or Spanx, so it's safe to say she was okay with the VPL.  Perhaps she ran out of clean thongs that day.  Perhaps the only ones she had are made with lace and would have been more apparent.  Perhaps she wanted to show VPL so it was clear she was wearing underwear.  Perhaps her shorts were from Lululemon and the last time she went to yoga she realized they really ARE translucent when the woman in front of her, wearing the same shorts, did downward facing dog.  Perhaps she was having a weird break in menopause and had a period that day.

 

No, you do not criticize a friend for something she was perfectly well aware of when she chose what to wear that day.    You pointing out her failing to live up to her own standard will not come across as helpful, it will come across as critical and extraordinarily rude.  To most of us, it sounds as if you're not her friend, at all.  If something was an easy fix (zipper, hole, spinach in her teeth, etc), it's okay to tell her that.  But to criticize her about her underwear when she's fully dressed and in public?  Don't do it.