thinking about quitting

[caedmyn]

I don't know if I can handle homeschooling next year.  This year was hard.  It was so hard to try to keep the younger two out of trouble and keep the older two working (both have ADHD symptoms--super easily distracted).  Next year is going to be even harder with a new baby, K'er to start, and dealing with sleep deprivation.  I do NOT do well with sleep deprivation and all of mine have been very poor sleepers for a long time.  I really tried to keep school days short, but I still felt overwhelmed more often than not.  We also had to do a lot of reading remediation at the end of the year as I realized both DD and DS1 likely have dyslexia.  We're still doing it this summer.  This is going to have to continue into the foreseeable future with DS1, and there's a good chance the K'er has dyslexia too. 

 

I feel overwhelmed by kids, I feel overwhelmed by homeschooling, and I feel overwhelmed by life in general.  These boys are not easy kids in so many ways, not to mention they all have a bunch of food intolerances which just SUCKS even after years of managing it, and I have several health issues as well.

 

Part of me would be so happy to send the older three back to the Christian half-day school DD attended K-2 next year and only have 2 kids to deal with in the mornings.  But the reality is that the main reason we started HS'ing is because I couldn't handle school either.  It was a 40 minute round-trip drive to pick her up every day (no bus, no one anywhere near us to carpool with), she often came home with nearly half her schoolwork for the day as homework because it hadn't gotten done in school, and being school, it HAD to be done by bedtime...no moving stuff to the next day if it didn't get done.  I can't imagine having to deal with the homework for 3 kids.  DS2 probably wouldn't have much, but DS1 would likely have tons.  He wouldn't focus well enough to get much done, he reads at a K level and would be expected to do 2nd grade work, and I can't imagine him doing the amount of writing he'd be required to do.  There's no options at the school for remediation for dyslexia.  And the thought of trying to motivate a kid who's been not doing schoolwork all morning at school, to finish it all in the afternoon...not fun.  And the driving every day with a screaming baby...all of my babies have been unhappy in the car.  And being on-time is a huge struggle for me, and it's super stressful to try to get everyone out the door on time for anything (ie it doesn't ever actually happen).  I don't want to have to do that every day again.

Public school is not an option.

 

I feel like there are no good options, but I don't see how I can handle any form of schooling next year (homeschool or homework).  I can't even handle the kids.  I am not cut out for motherhood.  There have been many times where I have contemplated just walking out the door and not coming back, because I am so overwhelmed and stressed and angry and I have no hope of things ever getting better.  Yes I know I'm a terrible mother, and no, WE ARE NOT HAVING ANY MORE KIDS (baby was NOT planned).

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

You are overwhelmed and understandably so.  Deep breaths.  This is a really tough place to be.  With kids that have learning challenges it makes it doubly hard to try and get through school stuff.  The one student you really need to be more concerned about right now is the oldest.  The others could unschool for a bit and it wouldn't hurt a thing, truly.

 

1.  I can't remember but have you had any evaluations?  Without evals you really don't know what the challenges are.  There may be things going on that can be addressed fairly easily and there may be things going on that are masking the real issues so your efforts are not that successful.  Even if you only could afford evaluations for the oldest right now that might help a lot.

 

2.  Have you actually looked at the local public school?  You say the private school won't provide help for the learning challenges but what about the public school?  Maybe the 5 and 7 year old could go to the local school while you tweaked out what to do for the older one.  If you suspect LD's, you could send a formal request in writing (you could do it this week) asking for evaluations for the kids.  Get the clock started now.

 

3.  Have you looked at local tutors?  I can't recall but maybe we have discussed this before.  Have you looked on Wyzant to see if there are any local tutors?  Maybe a tutor could help with one or two subjects.

 

4.  Could you hire a mother's helper, maybe a local teen, that could keep the littles occupied while you work with the olders?  Maybe 2-3 times a week?

 

You need help.  Any way you slice it, you need help.  You have to take care of you, first.  What does your DH say?

[EKT]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

You are overwhelmed and understandably so.  Deep breaths.  This is a really tough place to be.  With kids that have learning challenges it makes it doubly hard to try and get through school stuff.  The one student you really need to be more concerned about right now is the oldest.  The others could unschool for a bit and it wouldn't hurt a thing, truly.

 

1.  I can't remember but have you had any evaluations?  Without evals you really don't know what the challenges are.  There may be things going on that can be addressed fairly easily and there may be things going on that are masking the real issues so your efforts are not that successful.  Even if you only could afford evaluations for the oldest right now that might help a lot.

 

2.  Have you actually looked at the local public school?  You say the private school won't provide help for the learning challenges but what about the public school?  Maybe the 5 and 7 year old could go to the local school while you tweaked out what to do for the older one.  If you suspect LD's, you could send a formal request in writing (you could do it this week) asking for evaluations for the kids.  Get the clock started now.

 

3.  Have you looked at local tutors?  I can't recall but maybe we have discussed this before.  Have you looked on Wyzant to see if there are any local tutors?  Maybe a tutor could help with one or two subjects.

 

4.  Could you hire a mother's helper, maybe a local teen, that could keep the littles occupied while you work with the olders?  Maybe 2-3 times a week?

 

You need help.  Any way you slice it, you need help.  You have to take care of you, first.  What does your DH say?

 

Ditto to all of this. Please do not beat yourself up like this! You are not a bad person or a bad mother. You are a good person who is having a hard time. Please, I hope you will express these feelings to people in your life who can help you. (Your husband? Mom? Sister? Best friend?) I highly recommend seeing a mental health professional who can help you sort through your feelings and struggles. 

 

If you do homeschool next year, I suggest just making it a "bare-bones survival year." Embrace that! Do reading, writing, and math (focusing your attention on learning issues) and let everything else be interest-led/unschooling. But more than anything, it sounds like you need love and self-care. Please be gentle with yourself! 

[wintermom]

Definitely talk to the people around you and seek support. You have every right to be overwhelmed.  When my dc were very young, I was overwhelmed as well. If you can push through and keep homeschooling, it sounds like the best overall plan. But you may have to alter your expectations of yourself and your dc. 

 

Things that helped me through the toughest times:

 

- A boxed curriculum where I could open-and-go was a life-saver.

 

- I focused on read-alouds (or audio books), reading, writing and math. 10 - 15 minutes each subject per day.

 

- Dh watched the dc 2 - 3 evenings a week so that I could get out of the house and do some exercise. He is the one who noticed the positive effect this had on me, and was the one kicking me out the door.

 

- minimal outside-the-house commitments for the dc. Though I could always phone a friend to talk my way through stressful times.

 

- my cleanliness standards for the house took a dive through this time period, and we all survived. 

 

- I took a daily nap, and all the dc did as well. The older ones were in their room having quiet play time. I needed the alone time. 

 

All the best through your pregnancy! Big hugs.

Edited June 22, 2016 by wintermom

[J-rap]

Our kids went to the local ps for K-3.  It was a multi-age class, with a really sweet teacher and kids that age are generally still quite sweet and innocent!  It worked for us.  Actually, we sent our older two there before we decided to homeschool, and we did pull them out after that, but liked the class so much that our other three went there when they were old enough!  Also, they rarely had homework at that age!

[purduemeche]

Susan Wise Bauer gave an amazing talk about burnout at the 2015 homeschool convention in Cincinnati. We were blessed enough to attend and immediately ordered the CD copy of the talk so we could keep it in front of us.

 

If you can get your hands on this somehow, it may be worth your while.

[Ellie]

I don't know if I can handle homeschooling next year.  This year was hard.  It was so hard to try to keep the younger two out of trouble and keep the older two working (both have ADHD symptoms--super easily distracted).  Next year is going to be even harder with a new baby, K'er to start, and dealing with sleep deprivation.  I do NOT do well with sleep deprivation and all of mine have been very poor sleepers for a long time.  I really tried to keep school days short, but I still felt overwhelmed more often than not.  We also had to do a lot of reading remediation at the end of the year as I realized both DD and DS1 likely have dyslexia.  We're still doing it this summer.  This is going to have to continue into the foreseeable future with DS1, and there's a good chance the K'er has dyslexia too. 

 

I feel overwhelmed by kids, I feel overwhelmed by homeschooling, and I feel overwhelmed by life in general.  These boys are not easy kids in so many ways, not to mention they all have a bunch of food intolerances which just SUCKS even after years of managing it, and I have several health issues as well.

 

Part of me would be so happy to send the older three back to the Christian half-day school DD attended K-2 next year and only have 2 kids to deal with in the mornings.  But the reality is that the main reason we started HS'ing is because I couldn't handle school either.  It was a 40 minute round-trip drive to pick her up every day (no bus, no one anywhere near us to carpool with), she often came home with nearly half her schoolwork for the day as homework because it hadn't gotten done in school, and being school, it HAD to be done by bedtime...no moving stuff to the next day if it didn't get done.  I can't imagine having to deal with the homework for 3 kids.  DS2 probably wouldn't have much, but DS1 would likely have tons.  He wouldn't focus well enough to get much done, he reads at a K level and would be expected to do 2nd grade work, and I can't imagine him doing the amount of writing he'd be required to do.  There's no options at the school for remediation for dyslexia.  And the thought of trying to motivate a kid who's been not doing schoolwork all morning at school, to finish it all in the afternoon...not fun.  And the driving every day with a screaming baby...all of my babies have been unhappy in the car.  And being on-time is a huge struggle for me, and it's super stressful to try to get everyone out the door on time for anything (ie it doesn't ever actually happen).  I don't want to have to do that every day again.

Public school is not an option.

 

I feel like there are no good options, but I don't see how I can handle any form of schooling next year (homeschool or homework).  I can't even handle the kids.  I am not cut out for motherhood.  There have been many times where I have contemplated just walking out the door and not coming back, because I am so overwhelmed and stressed and angry and I have no hope of things ever getting better.  Yes I know I'm a terrible mother, and no, WE ARE NOT HAVING ANY MORE KIDS (baby was NOT planned).

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Well, maybe your focus next year should just be on family--developing routines that work, taking care of babies and children without worrying about Official School Stuff. Maybe there are games and whatnot that you can do with them that are sort of therapy, you know, for dyslexia? And games in general, stealth schooling, like Yahtzee, or the Wonder Number Game.

[Targhee]

I feel like there are no good options, but I don't see how I can handle any form of schooling next year (homeschool or homework). I can't even handle the kids. I am not cut out for motherhood. There have been many times where I have contemplated just walking out the door and not coming back, because I am so overwhelmed and stressed and angry and I have no hope of things ever getting better. Yes I know I'm a terrible mother, and no, WE ARE NOT HAVING ANY MORE KIDS (baby was NOT planned).

First, mama, speaking softly, I think there is a possibility you may be depressed. I am speaking from having been there. I know if you are pregnant there's all those crazy hormones in the mix, and may not be right on the spot about depression, but I'm probably in the ballpark. The bolded above tells a lot. It isn't bad, it isn't your fault, but it may very well just be where you are. No situation, public school, private school, or homeschool, will be as easy or successful as it could be when you are depressed and anxious. At least consider this, and consider what you need to do to help you (and by extension your entire family) to get back to being you. What does your spouse think?

 

Next, get those kids you think may have ADHD or dyslexia evaluated so you can get them they things they need as well. I have three with ADHD - it's hard as a mama! - and on of those with additional LDs, and 2e. My kids are intense, lack appropriate levels of self-regulation (which means I am the frontal lobe of all of them as well), and have needed additional therapies and specialized attention (more energy from me). It can be quite depleting! But they are doing better than they were before a Dx and accommodations and medication.

 

Academics can take a back seat to getting everyone into a good place emotionally, mentally, and functionally. You can send them back to public and let them get poor marks if that is part of what is needed for you all to get into a better place and have greater peace at home. And get them the accommodations, evaluations, and other things they need. Or it could come through homeschooling. Since the Christian school does not provide the things needed to evaluate and remediate dyslexia and ADHD, I would not choose it.

 

God bless you, mama. It is a hard job. And do you know what it means when you look at another woman who has charming, docile, tractable children who do not struggle with school or with family dynamics? It means God has a different trial for her. He gave you each and everyone one of your kids along with His trust AND His grace because He knew that you would need both to be their mom. I can tell you take that stewardship seriously, as you should, but don't forget, too, that you are also His child. Take good care of yourself, so you can take care of them.

[Rachel]

I hear how overwhelmed you are but please don't walk out on your kids.

 

Focus on one thing at a time. What about a mother's helper or trading childcare?Do you have other homeschoolers in your area? Are you in a good church? What resources are possibly available near you?

[BlsdMama]

 I am not cut out for motherhood.  There have been many times where I have contemplated just walking out the door and not coming back, because I am so overwhelmed and stressed and angry and I have no hope of things ever getting better.  Yes I know I'm a terrible mother, and no, WE ARE NOT HAVING ANY MORE KIDS (baby was NOT planned).

 

:(

 

(((Hugs)))

You have a lot of littles.  Are you extending YOURSELF the grace you would extend a friend or are you really hard on yourself? Because, that many little ones requires a NOT spotless house, definitely some crazy and chaos, pretty imperfect schooling, hitting the foundation stuff, not beating the crap out of  yourself in your head, and a consistent naptime for shorties.

 

I'll be blunt. I've had a LOT of practice and I couldn't get my kids out the door for school I don't think..........

 

You sound like you really don't think much of your mothering and yet I can see you are putting forth effort.  So I have to ask - are you really hard on you?  

 

And I'll second that this sounds like depression, the little voice that says, "They'd be better off without me and I'm failing......."  That voice doesn't tell the truth.  It's depression.

Edited June 22, 2016 by BlsdMama

[kbutton]

I am so sorry caedmyn. I have BTDT but with fewer kids. I am nodding my head at what others said, but I want to add one more thing that I know doesn't get mentioned on the boards a lot...this is your DH's problem too. IT IS. If he is not a supportive person, then I will back off and let you decide how much to say about that. If he's pretty neutral but clueless, read on...if he's supportive in word, but is part of the problem in deed (or even has major issues like ADHD himself), then read on with a grain of salt...I have no idea why so many moms are in crisis, while their DH just isn't, but it's not okay. It's not okay that men are not fighting for their kids or showing up at the icky stuff like evaluations for LDs or IEP meetings. They seem to show up for ballgames. Anyway, I am not man-bashing--I just know that for some reason, I meet a lot of women whose men seem to need a nuclear bomb to go off before they sense a disturbance in the force. That's just not sustainable. If this doesn't apply to you, ignore me.

 

These are his children too...even if you pull the school strings and make the decisions for whatever reason, they are his. They have his DNA too. They are his responsibility. It doesn't matter if he's home with them or not--when you have LDs or SNs in the mix, it's pervasive and isn't just about "school." It's HUGE.

 

It's his home. He needs to help problem-solve to make it functional (not pristine). Functional means different things to different people (for example, if you have allergies, clean might be a really big deal; for someone else, shoving things in the closet (or a corner for later) with a clean spot here and there to do work is the most important).

 

A cord of three strands...you, your DH, and God. Not just two of the three of you. DH doesn't get a pass. He doesn't get to be a spectator while you are fried.

 

PLEASE understand, if there anything in the dynamic between you and your DH where you feel this is your problem, not his or that he can't handle this, I highly recommend finding a counselor who "gets" LDs and the family/school stress it creates, and then use that counselor for both marital counseling and individual counseling. If your DH happens to be making this your problem, the counselor can then make this your DH's problem. 

 

There are GOOD but CLUELESS men out there. They need some help understanding what their cluelessness is costing their wives. 

 

I totally hope this doesn't apply to you, but I can't stand to see someone suffer while their DH goes merrily through life.

[HomeAgain]

Why is public school off the table?


I don't really have a lot to add.  You've gotten a TON of good advice here, especially relying more on your DH to take on kid duties.  You have a lot on your plate.  It is normal to have the feelings you're having.  I hope you can find a solution that works for you. :grouphug:

[HeWillSoar]

Just wanted to offer :grouphug:

[OnMyOwn]

First, I'm sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. Things may be bad right now, but it doesn't mean they will stay that way. I really hope they improve soon and that you get some relief.

 

Unless there are serious problems with the public schools near you, I would get the older ones started there in the fall. They could ride the bus and wouldn't likely have that much homework at public school. The public school often is in a better position to offer services for lds than private school. My sister has 3 children with adhd and two with lds. One of her children has it written into his IEP that he will have no homework because there is no way my sister can get him to do it at this point.

 

This would give you some breathing space and time to just be a mom. It sounds like you have way too much on your plate right now.

Edited June 22, 2016 by OnMyOwn

[Lecka]

I have a son in public school, and we have had times when he can do his homework orally with me, and times when I have done something different with him instead of homework.

 

There have also been times when he has been able to go to something called Extended Day Learning and get homework help there.

 

I know all schools do not work with parents on issues like this, but my school will work with parents. Especially when there is an IEP, but without one, too.

 

Interestingly my kids' school has a bad reputation with some homeschoolers b/c during "safety week" they have a lockdown drill and this is supposed to be horrible and traumatic. My older son has never really seemed very aware of the lockdown drill. My daughter and her friends thought it was in case there was a loose dog that might bite someone (I have no idea how they came up with that).

 

Safety week also includes fire drills and tornado drills.

 

My older son has been upset about tornado drills and about tornados in general. I know some other kids who have been upset by tornado drills. They get upset when we have a tornado watch/warning at various ages.

 

Well -- there are going to be tornadoes in our region whether my kids go to public school or not, unfortunately.

 

Anyway -- I think there are fair criticisms too, and that there are trade-offs, but I think some local homeschoolers are making way too much of the whole lockdown drill thing. It is handled just fine at my kids' school! And personally I have heard of no kids scared of the fire drills or the lockdown drills or the evacuation drill...... only the tornado drills. And then it isn't really the drill itself, it is more of a fear of bad weather and the possibility of tornados. And I take tornados very seriously and I monitor the weather and check to see if there are watches, etc, too.

 

Anyway, on the off chance that maybe there is something that has gotten a bad reputation, but isn't that bad in practice, might be something that is an issue.

 

I am just mentioning it.

Edited June 22, 2016 by Lecka

[kirstenhill]

Interestingly my kids' school has a bad reputation with some homeschoolers b/c during "safety week" they have a lockdown drill and this is supposed to be horrible and traumatic. My older son has never really seemed very aware of the lockdown drill. My daughter and her friends thought it was in case there was a loose dog that might bite someone (I have no idea how they came up with that).

 

 

Not to side track the OP's post too much, but your daughter's thought about the lockdown reminds me of a time in high school when a deer actually jumped through a floor to ceiling window and was on the loose in the hallways of the school! These days if that happened a lockdown probably would be called for liability reasons. As it was, as many of us a possible tried to gawk at it while an animal control officer tried to wrangle it out of the building. Very memorable!

 

OP, remember that even if you do public school it doesn't have to be forever. It could be a year or even part of a year if YOU get to a point where you are doing better. Whatever educational problems they may face, outside influences you are concerned about (hearing things that don't line up with your faith, kids that say things you would rather your kids not hear, etc), one year in public school will not put them hopelessly behind or turn them away from the faith teachings they hear at home. And if you are healthier and in a better place emotionally at the end, that will probably do wonders to improve things for the future, whether at home or otherwise.

[BlsdMama]

And, you know, it wouldn't even have to PPD.  Lack of sleep affects me funny.  I was tandem nursing two and pregnant and found that I was just becoming non-functional/paralyzed and couldn't think super clear.  It was sleep.  Both little ones got night weaned and one got moved out of our bed.  As I get older it affects me even more.  I didn't realize it was sleep until I started getting it again.  If you're having headaches, can't think so clear, or make decisions is hard, and you're not getting good sleep, it can really be THAT.  Vitamin D, sunlight, getting outside, and take some of the pressure off you!  MOTH (Managers of their Homes) was beneficial to me, but not in the way you think.  When I had three kids, I LOVED the "program."  Then I was overwhelmed. I pulled it out again and step one is to write down everything you feel you should do each day.  Step two is to realistically write down how much time each of those tasks take.

 

It won't take much to see that us moms like to figure that we can fit 35 hours worth of stuff into a 24 hour day and not sleep.  It. Does. NOT. Work.

 

We get so disappointed in ourselves, think we're failing, feel like we let people down... That's not what it is.  We're human.  We would give our friends, our spouses, our family room to breathe, rest, get their feet under them... But some how we think put an insane amount of weight on ourselves and are surprised when we can't do it.  

 

(((((((((Hugs))))))))))

 

Feeling the way you do is a hard place to be.  Being hard on you - there's no place for that.  Be gentle with you.  You need it.

[lizlatorre]

Caedmyn,

There is some wonderful advice above, so I will not add to it, but you will be in my prayers each and everyday. I don't know if you are familiar with the poem called Footprints. It is a beautiful poem which reminds us that in our darkest hour, when it feels like we are alone, the Lord is carrying us.

With best wishes and a big hug.

[caedmyn]

I'm actually getting more sleep than I have in years...I had insomnia for about 5 years, and for whatever reason, it largely disappeared when I got pregnant.  So I actually get 8 solid hours of sleep almost every night, plus a short nap most days.

 

DH is...not a lot of help.  He knows I have issues, but his idea of solutions tend to run along the lines of "I'll just quit this great $100,000 a year job I just got and we'll move 2000 miles away where my parents live and we can live on a house on their property off what we'd make selling our house here and I'll take care of the kids for a few years".  I can not count on him for day-to-day help at all.  He does work long hours, usually around 11 hours with 30 mins of that being driving time, and half a day on Saturday or Sunday, but he just isn't going to help on any consistent basis in the evenings or on weekends.  He never has.  After a series of meltdowns on my part 6 weeks or so ago he asked for a list of things he could do to help.  I gave him 5 things.  I can't remember two of them, but three were childproofing the house/yard, getting up 15 mins earlier every day so I could take a shower before he left for work, and putting the kids to bed in the evenings.  Some childproofing has happened (things I've asked for for YEARS in some cases), but with limited effectiveness because these kids are like little Houdinis.  The shower thing happened for 2-3 weeks, and now it's down to once or twice a week.  I said something about it, and basically, it's just not going to happen regularly.  The bedtime thing...I've asked for that numerous times too.  He'll sometimes take some of them down and put them in bed, but not regularly, and he won't help get them ready for bed.  If he would just sit on the couch while I get them ready for bed and police them that would be helpful...the boys all seem to get the crazies at bedtime.  All I do is brush their teeth, make them use the toilet, and put the bed-wetters in pull-ups/diapers, so it's not a long, drawn-out bedtime routine by any means. 

 

He doesn't think they have learning issues either.  He did agree to letting DS1 get an OT evaluation for sensory processing issues a couple of weeks ago, which I was surprised about.  The sensory diet the OT gave me helps settle him down some, when I stay on top of it. 

 

I've had problems with depression off and on for years.  DH doesn't believe in counseling or meds or anything so idk what I'd do there.  I'm not all that keen on paying for something that I don't really know would help anyway.  It's not like these kids are suddenly going to become easier to live with because I go to talk to some therapist once a week.

[HomeAgain]

:(  Sometimes, you have to take the reins.  Wake him up, hand him the kids, and hop in the shower.  Go take a walk when you have him home so that you get a chance to center yourself.

 

 

He doesn't think they have learning issues either.  He did agree to letting DS1 get an OT evaluation for sensory processing issues a couple of weeks ago, which I was surprised about.  The sensory diet the OT gave me helps settle him down some, when I stay on top of it. 

 

I've had problems with depression off and on for years.  DH doesn't believe in counseling or meds or anything so idk what I'd do there.  I'm not all that keen on paying for something that I don't really know would help anyway.  It's not like these kids are suddenly going to become easier to live with because I go to talk to some therapist once a week.

Do YOU believe in counseling and/or meds?  I quoted your last two paragraphs because the inconsistency stood out to me.  Why did you push to get your DS1 an eval, but you resist the same for yourself?  No, the kids will not suddenly become easier to live with, but you may find new coping strategies and get to the root of things.

[PeterPan]

Well the cs clearly can't handle them.  If the cs is not set up to do IEPs and provide OG tutoring, they're not going to be able to handle this.  So scratch them.  

 

We've talked evals on LC, and you've pretty much scratched that too, iirc.  If you won't buck your dh and make the evals happen and can't afford them or can't afford the interventions, then you have no path forward to change what is happening at home.

 

Right now things are to the point, for a variety of reasons, that you are pressed beyond measure.  It would be a pretty logical reason to put them in whatever school CAN provide them the services they need (evals, reading tutoring, behavioral interventions, etc.), and that means the ps.  

 

It is NOT the end of the world to put your kids in the ps.  Many christians before you have.  

 

And fwiw, my small personal opinion is that when a mom is so pressed that she wants to walk out the door and never go back, there's more than just ADHD and SLDs going on.  Take that for what it's worth (free advice, nothing).  You've said things in the past that were red flags for more going on, and you're very overwhelmed.  Maybe it's not, but maybe there is more going on.  The ps is mandated BY LAW to provide all these services.  You could send them, they would be safe, the evals would get done.  School districts vary in what they provide and how good the services are, yes.  Maybe you'd luck out and have a good district, maybe not.  But you'd get evals done.  By the end of the year you could have evals for all your kids.  And they'd all get OT and intervention services.  You could start now by requesting evals.

[sweetpea3829]

Oh honey...your post resonates here. It's all so...overwhelming. The house is cluttered (seriously...3500 sq ft home and it's cluttered...how does that happen???), and because of the clutter, it's dirty. I have literally 7 (at least) different working calendars/planners that I'm living from...each for a different purpose.

 

I want to pick up and organize and declutter but...can't. Because I can't even get the basic day-to-day crap done. It's 11:30 and I'm setting Prodigy assignments. It's just one item on a huge list. I can't get anybody to help. Oh they help...but I mean REALLY help. Books are left wherever, shoes are tossed wherever, toys are constantly being left...wherever. I want to throw every.single.thing away.

 

So I get it. I don't have any advice...just offers of prayers and commiseration. Here's hoping things feel a bit better soon. <3

[PeterPan]

Oh honey...your post resonates here. It's all so...overwhelming. The house is cluttered (seriously...3500 sq ft home and it's cluttered...how does that happen???), and because of the clutter, it's dirty. I have literally 7 (at least) different working calendars/planners that I'm living from...each for a different purpose. I want to pick up and organize and declutter but...can't. Because I can't even get the basic day-to-day crap done. It's 11:30 and I'm setting Prodigy assignments. It's just one item on a huge list. I can't get anybody to help. Oh they help...but I mean REALLY help. Books are left wherever, shoes are tossed wherever, toys are constantly being left...wherever. I want to throw every.single.thing away. So I get it. I don't have any advice...just offers of prayers and commiseration. Here's hoping things feel a bit better soon. <3

 

Not that you asked, but books are really good in laundry baskets.  Laundry baskets are cheap.  Don't ask how many I have.   :lol:

 

You could solve that calendar mess with a mac.  Our family has tons of calendars too, but they're all color-coded and they all appear on ONE calendar that syncs to all my devices.   :thumbup1:

[eternalsummer]

I'm actually getting more sleep than I have in years...I had insomnia for about 5 years, and for whatever reason, it largely disappeared when I got pregnant.  So I actually get 8 solid hours of sleep almost every night, plus a short nap most days.

 

DH is...not a lot of help.  He knows I have issues, but his idea of solutions tend to run along the lines of "I'll just quit this great $100,000 a year job I just got and we'll move 2000 miles away where my parents live and we can live on a house on their property off what we'd make selling our house here and I'll take care of the kids for a few years".  I can not count on him for day-to-day help at all.  He does work long hours, usually around 11 hours with 30 mins of that being driving time, and half a day on Saturday or Sunday, but he just isn't going to help on any consistent basis in the evenings or on weekends.  He never has.  After a series of meltdowns on my part 6 weeks or so ago he asked for a list of things he could do to help.  I gave him 5 things.  I can't remember two of them, but three were childproofing the house/yard, getting up 15 mins earlier every day so I could take a shower before he left for work, and putting the kids to bed in the evenings.  Some childproofing has happened (things I've asked for for YEARS in some cases), but with limited effectiveness because these kids are like little Houdinis.  The shower thing happened for 2-3 weeks, and now it's down to once or twice a week.  I said something about it, and basically, it's just not going to happen regularly.  The bedtime thing...I've asked for that numerous times too.  He'll sometimes take some of them down and put them in bed, but not regularly, and he won't help get them ready for bed.  If he would just sit on the couch while I get them ready for bed and police them that would be helpful...the boys all seem to get the crazies at bedtime.  All I do is brush their teeth, make them use the toilet, and put the bed-wetters in pull-ups/diapers, so it's not a long, drawn-out bedtime routine by any means. 

 

He doesn't think they have learning issues either.  He did agree to letting DS1 get an OT evaluation for sensory processing issues a couple of weeks ago, which I was surprised about.  The sensory diet the OT gave me helps settle him down some, when I stay on top of it. 

 

I've had problems with depression off and on for years.  DH doesn't believe in counseling or meds or anything so idk what I'd do there.  I'm not all that keen on paying for something that I don't really know would help anyway.  It's not like these kids are suddenly going to become easier to live with because I go to talk to some therapist once a week.

 

 

This makes some sense to me; maybe DH is just not the nurturing, taking care of kids type.

 

That is fine, if he is willing to pay for someone to help you in the ways he can't help.  So maybe make a list of the childproofing things and say hey, I know you're super busy with your job and I really appreciate all you do to support us, and my life would be So Much Easier with these x number of things for childproofing, so let's hire somebody to do them.

 

If he's making $100,000 a year I'd think there would be some room in the budget for that, right?

 

Then you may not be able to hire help for mornings/bedtime, but could you pay a nanny to come in say 1 hour, 3 days a week, and you could take that time off?  Or If you have the $, even 2 hours every day, and you can spend half the time doing schoolwork with just the older one or two without the pressure of the little ones?

 

Why is the PS not an option?  I totally understand that it can be in some circumstances but I'm wondering if it is the kind of thing that a different PS (in a neighboring district maybe?) might help.

 

 

Finally, I also would look into prenatal depression.  Been there, it sucks.  I was sleeping a ton.

[Wolf Pack]

I don't have a lot to add after all of the great advice above, but I can just give you a virtual hug and say that sleep deprivation, wild kids, life swallowing you whole....those are all things I can completely relate to. We have 4 kids, and there are days where I just feel like shutting down and sinking into the reality that I obviously was not cut out for this. It's hard when you're deep within exhaustion and nothing working right. You need some form of rest to allow you to power through the rest of life. Find some way that you're comfortable with to enjoy some time where nobody needs anything from you (except the baby). It helps just to get a mental break from playing referee to all of the craziness constantly.

[school17777]

I know how hard it can be when you are in a homeschooling circle to put your kids in public school. You may not get support from your homeschooling friends to do so, and it can be lonely and you may feel like a failure. But, if this is the case, please don't let this hinder your decision. Your kids deserve a good, solid education to give them a strong foundation to start their adult life. If you are not able to provide that at this time, please let someone else do so (the school). As someone mentioned above, you can always homeschool again when you are in a better place to. It is very hard being pulled in two different directions when you are have younger kids who are not school aged yet.

 

I remember when I first started homeschooling (twins in K and I had a toddler), I was overwhelmed with homeschooling vs keeping up with the house chores. A lady at church pointed out the "Martha Stewart" in our congregation who homeschooled three kids, was always put together, she entertained at her house a lot, she volunteered at the church a lot, her kids were polite, smart, helpful, etc... (And still are as adults). The lady shared her secret - she had a housekeeper! What makes that a secret in her case was that she didn't have the budget for one, but she and her dh felt it was so important so the wife could concentrate her time on the kids, they found a way to make it work. While I was never able to have a housekeeper, just knowing this "Martha Stewart" mom had help to be able to do everything she did was enlightening to me and it helped me not feel bad that I had a hard time doing it all (or really, not being able to do it all) by myself.

 

If your are able to work it in the budget, maybe consider hiring a babysitter or house cleaner every once in awhile. Another friend and her dh decided that is was important for the wife to have help once a week, so she got to decide whether to have a babysitter or house cleaner. I don't recall which she decided on, but whichever she went with, it helped her.

 

Also, give dh a choice to either tackle your list by such and such date, or you will hire a handy man, and then do it!

Edited June 23, 2016 by school17777

[BlsdMama]

This kind of bothers me. I mean, yes, you may certainly be right...but I think there are a lot of women suffering alone with undiagnosed depression and chronic health problems because people take it for granted that if you have small children or are pregnant or homeschooling it's natural to be miserable. The last time I went to the doctor I listed out a bunch of symptoms that would have led to all kinds of tests if I were a man, but the doc just blew me off with "Well, you do have four little kids! And you're homeschooling!" Subtext: your insane life choices make misery unavoidable. I mean, ladies, that's not true, right? Right? 😥

Which I guess makes it kind of ironic that I told her to talk to a doc, but hopefully hers is a good one thst will listen.

 

ETA: your reply is connected to this problem in my mind because so many sweet and well meaning people have reassured me that my serious problems were actually normal when they weren't and inadvertently made me feel like I was just being a big whiner that didn't deserve any special help. I know that is not what you mean at all, and you may be right that it really isn't a big deal, but, anyway, that's why I say thst it bothers me.

Might want to read my first post too.

[mumto2]

Just :grouping:

[MerryAtHope]

Praying for you today. (((Hugs)))

[Susan in TX]

 

DH is...not a lot of help.  He knows I have issues, but his idea of solutions tend to run along the lines of "I'll just quit this great $100,000 a year job I just got and we'll move 2000 miles away where my parents live and we can live on a house on their property off what we'd make selling our house here and I'll take care of the kids for a few years". 

 

This type of response borders on emotional abuse. I could be reading it wrong but to me it seems more like a threat than a genuine solution. It seems as though he throws this out to shut down the conversation.

 

I can not count on him for day-to-day help at all.  He does work long hours, usually around 11 hours with 30 mins of that being driving time, and half a day on Saturday or Sunday, but he just isn't going to help on any consistent basis in the evenings or on weekends.  He never has.  After a series of meltdowns on my part 6 weeks or so ago he asked for a list of things he could do to help.  I gave him 5 things.  I can't remember two of them, but three were childproofing the house/yard, getting up 15 mins earlier every day so I could take a shower before he left for work, and putting the kids to bed in the evenings.  Some childproofing has happened (things I've asked for for YEARS in some cases), but with limited effectiveness because these kids are like little Houdinis.  The shower thing happened for 2-3 weeks, and now it's down to once or twice a week.  I said something about it, and basically, it's just not going to happen regularly.  The bedtime thing...I've asked for that numerous times too.  He'll sometimes take some of them down and put them in bed, but not regularly, and he won't help get them ready for bed.  If he would just sit on the couch while I get them ready for bed and police them that would be helpful...the boys all seem to get the crazies at bedtime.  All I do is brush their teeth, make them use the toilet, and put the bed-wetters in pull-ups/diapers, so it's not a long, drawn-out bedtime routine by any means. 

 

So what is he doing while you are getting the kids ready for bed? What would he do if you asked him to just sit on the couch and police them while you get them ready for bed?

 

I've had problems with depression off and on for years.  DH doesn't believe in counseling or meds or anything so idk what I'd do there.  I'm not all that keen on paying for something that I don't really know would help anyway.  It's not like these kids are suddenly going to become easier to live with because I go to talk to some therapist once a week.

 

Depression is a real physical illness and meds can help. Please don't let your husband keep you from getting the help you need. You can start by talking to the doctor or midwife you are seeing for your pre-natal care. You owe it to yourself and your kids to do whatever you can to help yourself. You deserve to be happy.

 

Susan in TX

 

[Tracy]

I am so sorry that you are feeling so overwhelmed.  I know what it is like to homeschool with health issues.  I have had serious health issues for the past two years.  (And my kids do not sleep, well, either. This is another reason that we really need to homeschool--so everyone can sleep when they need to.)  At first, I tried to do everything--not just the 3R's, but the most teacher-intensive curricula out there, as well as history, geography, foreign language, science, fun activities and experiments, etc.  But then it became clear that I was not going to get better and I had to come up with a different plan.  

 

First, let me assure you that you are exactly the mother that your kids need.  No one will be able to understand them like you can.  The measure of your worth is not how well you homeschool.  Your value comes from just having given birth to these precious souls.  Children innately love their mothers.  If someone were to replace you with someone else, your children would suffer, no matter how good she was, because it is you that they love and need love from.  I think that the most important thing that I do as a mother is to smile at my kids, even when I am in a lot of pain, and spend lots of time hugging them and reading to them as I am physically able.  We only have a few years with our kids.  Society has tried to make us believe that academics are goal of childhood.  While academics undoubtedly are important, they are not the end-all and be-all of a child's life.  But building a strong, loving family is really where it's at.  Academics are means to that end but not the end in itself. With that paradigm shift, I have allowed my own pain, anxiety, and insomnia to remind me that my children need me to love them, and whatever academics we are able to do is icing on the cake.  

 

The first thing that I did was ditch science.  My husband is a physics teacher, so we talk science a lot.  That, plus occasional library books and YouTube videos, were going to have to be sufficient.  

 

Next to go was history/literature.  Instead, I did a book basket using my Tapestry of Grace booklist, and they had to read out of the basket for 15 minutes/day.  

 

Then I ditched WWE for my ds, who was 7yo at the time.  Instead, he and his father started writing a story together.  Ds would write during the day, and dh would write at night.  He is now typing his story.  

 

I also ditched spelling for part of the year since both kids were at or above grade level.  I am bringing that back next year.  

I also stopped keeping records.  I like keeping records, but sometimes I couldn't do it, and I got more and more behind.  I just had to trust that if I ever had to prove that my kids were homeschooled, I could scrounge together a portfolio.  

 

My husband has taken on more responsibilities.  He goes grocery shopping for me.  He cooks and does dishes on my bad days.  He is ready to jump in and help with whatever I need if he finds I am not doing well when he gets home from work. 

 

My kids have taken on more responsibilities.  They do their own laundry now.  I have one putting away dishes and the other cleaning toilet and sink every day. They can get their own meals when necessary.   

 

By the way, I have found that some of my health issues caused feelings of anxiety and depression, and as I have treated the root causes, I am able to cope much better.  I don't know if that might be the case for you, but I thought I would mention it in case it is applicable.  

 

It has taken a whole two years to get to this.  I certainly wouldn't wish it on anyone, but in all honesty, my kids are better off for it.  They are happy.  They love each other.  They are helpful and cooperative.  Although they are sad when they miss out on things, they have been really good sports about it.  In short, they are good people who always try hard.  

 

You can do this.  You just need to adjust your expectations and figure how things can be done in a different (though not inferior) way.  

[konglish]

Hi there.  I don't post often, but after reading your post, I wanted to reach out to you.  I'm sorry things are so overwhelming.  As a mental health professional, when I read your post, I too thought it sounded like depression.  My vote is for you to take care of YOU next year to the greatest extent possible.  So that may mean a very light year of homeschooling or maybe public school or an out-of-the-box solution like a relative coming to live with you.  Tell your husband you are in CRISIS and need his help and professional help, because honestly, that is what it sounds like to me.  By focusing on getting yourself well, there will be a trickle down effect to your children.  If you are in bad shape, your whole family is going to be in bad shape.  Being pregnant and possibly breastfeeding will limit medication options, but I would still look into that, and going to see a marriage and family therapist individually and with your husband.  You need to be on the same page in how you parent (generally) and specifically how you parent and educate your special needs kids.

 

Hang in there and get help.  You will not always feel like you do right now. 

 

Warmly,

 

Konglish

[kbutton]

Our internet has been down with storms...I am sorry to hear that your DH is not a lot of help. I agree with the other poster that said sometimes you just have to hand things to the DH and walk away for a bit, but I also understand what's like to be afraid to walk away for a bit because you might not come back. 

 

I think you need to find a counselor who will be a referee and push the issue.

 

If nothing else, your DH does need to hire someone to help or do something of that nature. 

 

I am assuming (instead of ill will) that your DH probably has pretty marginal problem-solving skills and organizational skills (largely based on the fact that his follow through with very specific and reasonable suggestions was very poor and the fact that he suggested such a drastic solution to your problem in moving, quitting his job, etc.--these are things people with poor planning and problem-solving do). If so, he may compartmentalize a lot of life in order to be successful at work--he may know somewhere deep inside he can't do both well, and therefore let you swing while he keeps it together at work. Just one possible scenario...I am hoping it's not just stubborn ill will or refusal to engage. I know someone suggested emotional abuse, and I guess that's possible, but I sure hope not. 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  

[caedmyn]

DH just has a different way of looking at things.  I don't understand it, but then he doesn't understand my way of thinking either.  He's not very self-disciplined, and is big on being spontaneous (or last-minute decisions or whatever is the opposite of regular/consistent), which doesn't go very well with day-to-day childcare.  And he's not really the nurturing type either.  Counseling wouldn't accomplish anything with getting him to do things...I realized years ago that nobody is going to convince him to do anything he hasn't decided himself to do.  He was probably just like my very strong-willed 5 YO as a child.  I know he is tired too so that probably doesn't help.

 

I do plan to get a mother's helper a few days a week once the baby comes, if I can find one.  I've tried a few times to find one on local homeschooling groups and only had responses from young teens who really don't have the capacity to manage my boys.  I guess I'll try Craigslist next time.

 

If I could just get my boys to follow basic household rules like stay out of the basement and the garage, and to stop their endless bickering and hitting each other and whining, and generally do what they're asked to do at least most of the time, life would be manageable.  It's having to try to manage very un-fun kids all the time who mostly do what they want no matter what I have tried that wears me down.

 

[freesia]

DH just has a different way of looking at things.  I don't understand it, but then he doesn't understand my way of thinking either.  He's not very self-disciplined, and is big on being spontaneous (or last-minute decisions or whatever is the opposite of regular/consistent), which doesn't go very well with day-to-day childcare.  And he's not really the nurturing type either.  Counseling wouldn't accomplish anything with getting him to do things...I realized years ago that nobody is going to convince him to do anything he hasn't decided himself to do.  He was probably just like my very strong-willed 5 YO as a child.  I know he is tired too so that probably doesn't help.

 

I do plan to get a mother's helper a few days a week once the baby comes, if I can find one.  I've tried a few times to find one on local homeschooling groups and only had responses from young teens who really don't have the capacity to manage my boys.  I guess I'll try Craigslist next time.

 

If I could just get my boys to follow basic household rules like stay out of the basement and the garage, and to stop their endless bickering and hitting each other and whining, and generally do what they're asked to do at least most of the time, life would be manageable.  It's having to try to manage very un-fun kids all the time who mostly do what they want no matter what I have tried that wears me down.

Gently--being unwilling to do what you don't want to do is not a different way of looking at things. Counseling could help you change the family system in a positive way and learn to take care of yourself in spite of his selfishness in this area. He doesn't get to choose whether you take care of yourself.

 

You have mentioned your children's behavior in the past. What you are describing wanting them to do is not unreasonable. Do you have an older parent mentor who can be honest with you and help you in this area? If really nothing has worked--you have clear consequences and don't just reprimand verbally and are able to follow through 90% of the time--and have done that for at least a month, then I think you really need to see the doctor about evaluations. Children who act like that and have no boundaries that they respect do not feel safe or happy and that is probably compounding everything. If something like medication helped them to feel and be successful, that would be transformative in their life, don't you agree? Think of it a bit like insulin for a diabetic. "Everything" will work if they can focus.

 

And, they same thing is true for you and meds. He doesn't get to choose how you take care of yourself. And, as the functioning parent in your family of special needs, your kids really need you healthy and sane. As others said, it starts with you.

 

I've said in other threads--I really regret trying to power through the first 9-10 years of motherhood instead of getting something to treat my depression and anxiety. It wasn't fair to me--but mostly, it wasn't fair to my kids or my husband. And it was totally pointless. I got no--I did it with out meds award.

[Susan in TX]

For hiring outside help I highly recommend care.com. I have used it several times to find a babysitter.

 

Susan in TX

[caedmyn]

I have trouble being consistent. I don't focus well due to my health problems and I just don't notice things a lot of times. It probably doesn't matter what I try, because I can't be consistent enough for it to really work.

 

I only have one child who would potentially qualify for meds, and he's only 1/3 of the problem. Less than a third really (the ADHD I mean), because the 3 together think of all sorts of things to do they wouldn't do separately. My younger boys don't have ADHD symptoms. They just copy him, and the 5 yo is so strong-willed he's a handful without any other issues.

[freesia]

Ok, I really think that focusing on the depression will help you with the boys and being consistent .

 

I am really sorry you are going through all this and carrying the load that you are.

 

Will you consider talking to your doctor/ midwife or pastor or a counselor? Even if you decide against meds, learning to recognize the lies we tell ourselves can be really helpful for learning to cope. A counselor could also help you with strategies for the boys which would work for you and even strategies for engaging dh.

[Meadowlark]

After reading through all of your responses, I really sense a whole lot of hopelessness. I'm not sure there's really anything worse than feeling hopeless about anything, especially things as important as your family, life, kids and ability to be a good mom. I'm so sorry.

 

Gently-I really think it's time to take the bull by the horns. I know that's really hard, especially if you're in a depressed state of being-but it's really time to start DOING something. As others have mentioned-you first need to take care of you, whatever that means. Maybe it's meds, maybe it's counseling, maybe it's a vacation...whatever. But do SOMEthing to help yourself. It's so true that "when mama's not happy, ain't nobody happy". After that, then start focusing on all of the other things that need attention, but not a moment before you're in a better place.

 

Sometimes just taking one baby step at a time is what we need to do. Just take that one little step towards a healthier you.

 

Now-what tangible thing are you going to do to get the ball rolling?

[kbutton]

One tiny thing that might help a little bit on the practical side vs. the demoralized side...if you get some kind of a mother's helper, you might have to separate your kids for a while. Maybe the instigator 1:1 with a helper and then the others with you, or whatever combination works. At some point, maybe a helper could handle more than one.

 

It can be worth hiring more than one helper or having the helper just take some kids for a while if it leads to long-term stability, but I know it's hard to think you might hire someone that can't just instantaneously take over in the areas you want them to.

[mrsduenes06]

I resonate a lot with your feelings of being overwhelmed. I have three boys and a little girl, and often feel like if I am not on top of the older two, then they are into things or fighting. We also have food insensitivity issues. Thankfully I am out of the sleep deprivation/infant stage which is so hard and discouraging that it's kept us from having more kids. I understand the feelings of wanting to leave too - what I think some people don't understand is that some of it is more related to job dissatisfaction and wanting to leave it than not liking your kids. It's harder though when you're a mother and express wishes of "quitting" which is really just related to exhaustion. 

 

I know public school is not an option, but you are also saying that you are too exhausted and overwhelmed to educate your kids right now. How could public school be worse? I know it's not the best reason for sending a child to school, but my oldest is ADHD and if I weren't able to handle it, we probably would send him. There are teachers, especially at the lower grades, who really do care about their students, and it would give you a break, even if you only wanted to do it for a year. Some ADHD kids do really well in a school environment because they need structure and predictability. Honestly, if we had the money, I would send our kids to the local private Christian school because I just do better with a break from them, but for now, I'm trying to make it work at home.

 

I also have benefitted from Managers of their Homes, a book about scheduling, even though I'm not using it right now (need to get back on track!). When I did have a schedule, the kids lit up and would adhere to it once they got the hang of it. I generally don't like the idea of having a plan for my day, but have also found it's more exhausting to survive a day without a plan than it is to try to stick to one.

 

If your husband doesn't believe in medication or counseling, part of me wonders why it is about what he believes in when you are the one who is suffering. I have found things like getting more alone time to be more helpful than counseling, but my husband has to help with that as we have no family in town. When I had a nursing baby, I just hung out in the room with the baby and rested while he watched the kids. But if there is no outlet for you to get some help with the kids, something is going to blow and some point. What does he say when you tell him about your struggles? 

[ktgrok]

First, put some locks or hook and ring type bolts up on the doors to the basement and garage. Put them at the top of the door where adults can reach and kids can't. Even if they drag a chair over to get to it, you'd hear them probably at least and be able to yell at them to knock it off. 

 

Second, go to your OB or doctor and discuss meds for the depression. There are actually physical risks to your unborn baby if you don't get help. Women who have depression and don't seek treatment are more likely to have a preterm or underweight baby than women who seek treatment. So if you won't do it for you, do it for your baby. Doesn't matter one bit your husband doesn't like meds for this, he doesn't have to take them. 

 

Counseling will help you figure out coping mechanisms, and how to work with your husband and kids. 

 

For school, do math and reading only for the next year. let the kids write letters to grandparents for writing once a week. And watch lots of documentaries together while you nurse the baby. 

[caedmyn]

DH put up some deadbolts that are key-operated only, on both sides, so they can't get into the garage from any direction anymore.

 

I actually bought a copy of Managers of Their Homes as a used curriculum sale on Saturday.  I've tried similar schedules before and never been able to stick to them but I'll give it another try.  I don't really see any way of getting my middle two under control but maybe a strict schedule would help.  And maybe there will be some helpful suggestions on the two books on oppositional defiant disorder I got from the library.  My 5 YO so fits the description for this.  I would happily send him off to boarding school for the next 13 years if that were possible.  DH said he would take him to work with him in the mornings for a few days to give me a break from him...hopefully that actually happens.

 

I found out that my midwife can write prescriptions for anti-depressants so that's an option anyway. 

 

 

 

 

[ElizabethB]

I now get under the tongue food drops for my food allergies and intolerances, it has simplified my cooking by expanding what I can eat. I travel to la crosse, WI, Allergy Associates of La Crosse. One of the foods I am allergic to, makes me very irritable, some of them cause fatigue and symptoms similar to depression, but it is all related to allergies. If they have a lot of food allergies, some of the problems could be physical and an elimination diet and rotation diet or food allergy testing and drops may help.

 

There are a few doctors in other parts of the country starting to use their methods now, here is a website you can use if you want to try to find someone in your area. The La Crosse clinic is also very good about working with out of town patients and sending your drops in the mail. Here is how to find a doctor in your area that uses their method:

 

https://www.allergychoices.com

Edited July 2, 2016 by ElizabethB

[kbutton]

Yay for the deadbolts and for finding out what some of your other options are!

[kbutton]

Yay for the deadbolts and for finding out what some of your other options are!

[ktgrok]

FYI, I was sure my kid had ODD. Yeah, turns out is was Aspergers and ADHD but without hyperactivity. He was acting out because he didn't fully understand the rules, and because even when he did, he was angry all the time, about everything. At 11 years old he was diagnosed with moderate depression, mostly from the struggle of navigating a world that didn't make sense to him. 

 

In other words, get an actual evaluation instead of doing it yourself. 

[SnMomof7]

Hugs. I feel you. Having oppositional, freaking out kids is so tough. Praying for you. Do you have tablets you can pass the little ones? Can you use some online options? It has been helping here, somewhat. Math Seeds is a huge hit or my rising first grader who I suspect is ADHD. Maybe your guys would enjoy it, too? It keeps her busy for awhile and she's learning too.