Do you get a mom break?

[ReadingMama1214]

I was talking to a friend recently. She has one child, a 1 year old. She was saying that she regularly takes a mommy break. She'll eat dinner with her husband and daughter and then head out the door to take a walk, visit a friend, or go shopping. Another friend said she regularly does the same thing. An older lady said that she couldn't have survived child rearing without regular breaks like these. These are my stay at home mom friends. I'm not sure about my working mom friends.

 

Do you normally get a break during the kids waking time? Is this something that is pretty common?

 

I babysit from home 3 days a week, have a 2 and 4yo, am going to grad school (online). I don't normally take a break for myself between 7a-8/9p when they kids are in bed. My friend seemed shocked, but I didn't think it was that odd.

[regentrude]

When my kids were little, I went to choir rehearsal by myself once a week for an hour and a half on Thursday nights. My DH came home from work from out of town so I could go. I definitely needed this me-time.

When I went back to work, that was my mom-break.

Edited May 12, 2016 by regentrude

[MegP]

Yes. I had nap time/rest time which continued into elementary ages daily, and  nights out with friends. 

Edited May 12, 2016 by MegP

[marbel]

I didn't have regular breaks when my kids were little.  Sometimes I would go out in the evening when my husband was home, but not always. 

 

Honestly, if I was taking grad school classes online when my kids were young, I would have thought of that as my break. 

 

[scoutingmom]

When I had 2 kids, dh would occasionally declare a Mom day and send me out. That doesn't seem to happen now that we have 4... lol.

 

Sent from my SM-T530NU using Tapatalk

[lllll]

nm

Edited May 16, 2016 by _ ?^..

[ReadingMama1214]

I didn't have regular breaks when my kids were little. Sometimes I would go out in the evening when my husband was home, but not always.

 

Honestly, if I was taking grad school classes online when my kids were young, I would have thought of that as my break.

I do my grad school work at night after the kids are in bed and things are tidied up. I guess I could see grad school as a break, but I was thinking more of time to relax and refresh. Maybe some women find grad school refreshing, but I haven't haha.

[ReadingMama1214]

Yes. I had nap time/rest time which continued into elementary ages daily, and nights out with friends.

We do naps now and my daughter occasionally does quiet time. The issue was when I had babies napping in every bedroom. But now, I have a free room and she can do a regular quiet time. Usually I do household chores during nap. I haven't quite mastered doing housework with 3 littlest underfoot! Haha

[ReadingMama1214]

I would sometimes do things outside of the house without dc or dh. But it was random, not regular. I used to go to the library on Saturdays sometimes when dc were little, and leave them home with dh. But I quit that when I realized it made even more work for me when I returned (house a mess, chores undone, cranky kids, etc.).

 

My 'break' was napping with the toddlers in the middle of the day and my time alone was after they were all in bed at 7pm. I had from 7pm to 9pm all to myself every night (unless dh got home early or happened to not be falling asleep on the couch). That was all I needed.

 

You may not need as many breaks as some people do. Nothing wrong with that. :)

Oh I do think I need a break! It's just the issue of getting one. I feel that DH gets home from work and is wiped out and ready to relax, not choral 2 kiddos.

 

I do have a weekly bible study as does my DH (separately), but honestly it hasn't been much of a source of joy.

 

Next year I'll be doing Bible Study Fellowship and I think this will help tremendously. Some time to refresh so I can be the best mom possible.

[marbel]

I do my grad school work at night after the kids are in bed and things are tidied up. I guess I could see grad school as a break, but I was thinking more of time to relax and refresh. Maybe some women find grad school refreshing, but I haven't haha.

 

I was just thinking that it's something different from the regular mothering gig.  :-) 

 

[Loowit]

When DD was my only I didn't really feel the need for mom breaks.  She was pretty easy going as a baby.  My second was the same.  Though DH did a lot of the kid care when he got home from work.  When my youngest was born he was very needy and cried all the time.  I needed mom breaks when I could get them.  I usually didn't go anywhere outside the house, but I would go take a relaxing bath or read a book on my bed while DH took care of the kids.  Now that they are older I don't really need as many breaks although my youngest is still very draining, but it is still nice to have just me time. Today MIL took the kids to lunch and an art show so I get a few hours all to myself and it is great.

[Arcadia]

I have breaks away from my kids since they were babies but my parents helped babysat at times until my boys were three, then my kids go regularly to parents night out at the kids gym.

 

My boys also have regular outsourced classes since they were three in music, gym or swimming so I was guaranteed a few hours of couple time each week to rest and relax.

[ReadingMama1214]

I have breaks away from my kids since they were babies but my parents helped babysat at times until my boys were three, then my kids go regularly to parents night out at the kids gym.

 

My boys also have regular outsourced classes since they were three in music, gym or swimming so I was guaranteed a few hours of couple time each week to rest and relax.

I wish our classes were drop off! My 4 year old does swim and dance, but they want the parents there to do potty breaks. During the school year, I take dd alone on Saturdays. during the summer all classes are during the weekday. Drop offs would be nice!

[HSMWB]

I think I would have been a better and happier mom if I had had more when my kids were younger.

One thing I and a good friend did do was run errands together. But, one of us would stay with the kids in the two cars in the parking lot, and the other would do the shopping. Then we would switch, then onto the next place of business. Once we even got massages this way. Sometimes all the kids would take a nap and we would get coffee and park the cars so we could talk with eachother and have adult conversation.

[SKL]

When my kids were 1yo I did not get breaks.  As a single mom with a full-time job, there was always always too much to do.

 

When they were 3.5 I got 1 hour per week during Sunday School.

 

Now I do take breaks during the work day (with my kids in b&m school), usually getting on WTM or facebook or doing a bit of bathroom reading.  It depends on how tight my work schedule is.  Sometimes my "break" consists of doing laundry and such, which is considered "personal time" in my world.

[hjffkj]

I wouldn't survive without breaks. I get out at least 3 times a week for an hour to do a carsio kick boxing class. I also fully utilize relax time as my relax time as well. Me decompressing properly trumps housework every time. But I don't have any problem getting housework done with the little ones all around me. They either help or know to stay out of my way, minus the 1 year old, but she'll learn. I also get out with friends at least once a month if our schedules mesh well. If not, I'll simply go out by myself.

[ReadingMama1214]

I wouldn't survive without breaks. I get out at least 3 times a week for an hour to do a carsio kick boxing class. I also fully utilize relax time as my relax time as well. Me decompressing properly trumps housework every time. But I don't have any problem getting housework done with the little ones all around me. They either help or know to stay out of my way, minus the 1 year old, but she'll learn. I also get out with friends at least once a month if our schedules mesh well. If not, I'll simply go out by myself.

I do as much as I can with the kids around, but usually it's dishes or starting laundry. The bigger housework waits until they're napping. I babysit a pretty young 18 month old who I can't trust out of my sight.

 

I wish I could leave cleaning till later, but after bedtime for the kids is when I do school.

 

I think another compounding issue is that I don't have many close friends to get together with. I'm getting together with a friend tonight and that's the first time in several months. I'm Hoping that joining the day time bible study will help that issue as well.

[lovinmyboys]

I rarely get breaks and never got them when my kids were younger. I don't recommend it. I think everyone needs the occasional break. It is my one regret. I love being a mom. I love my kids and enjoy spending time with them, but I don't think it is ideal for the mom to be their sole caregiver 100% of the time. I am currently feeling pretty burned out.

[HomeAgain]

Yes, I do.  In fact, I'm going out tonight.  I need time to recharge, just like any other working professional.  If I am on the clock all the time I will be grumpy and tired.  I take about 2 hours to myself each week, whether it's going in the bedroom to watch tv or going out for coffee.  I need to be with people, people who I don't have to sniff butts to see who's stinky, or need me to get snacks, or to tell them we must wear underwear on the couch!  :lol:  Seriously, I need peers.  I take the time to foster relationships that might otherwise fall off and leave us both isolated.

 

It is also the same reason we don't have a homeschool room or giant whiteboard in our dining room.  Compartmentalizing needy areas of my life is helpful when I need to relax and destress.  Friday afternoons, ALL school stuff is put away and is out of sight.  8pm every evening, ALL children's toys and things are put away.  I don't want to step on legos during grown-up time. :glare:

[Evergreen State Sue]

I used to go walking with a couple of friends at 5:30-6:30 a.m.  I guess that was my mommy break.  Dh was home before leaving for work in case the toddlers woke up early.  Usually one was awake by the time I got home.

[hjffkj]

I do as much as I can with the kids around, but usually it's dishes or starting laundry. The bigger housework waits until they're napping. I babysit a pretty young 18 month old who I can't trust out of my sight.

 

I wish I could leave cleaning till later, but after bedtime for the kids is when I do school.

 

I think another compounding issue is that I don't have many close friends to get together with. I'm getting together with a friend tonight and that's the first time in several months. I'm Hoping that joining the day time bible study will help that issue as well.

Well if you saw my house on a regular basis you would see the housework often doesn't get done. I mean the house is clean but it is usually only company ready when we actually have company coming over.

 

For me, as long as my bedroom and the kitchen are spotless I'm happy!

 

Sadly, I don't really have any local friends anymore so my monthly outings have turned into mostly by myself, sometimes with my sister.

[trulycrabby]

nm. My post was not well-thought out and did not offer anything really helpful to your situation.

Edited May 12, 2016 by trulycrabby

[Guest]

Yes, as often as possible. If DH is traveling for work, I can't. But even then I protect little times to myself at home throughout the day.

[Guest]

It's not a mom break though. It's just me being a human person with things to do/be interested in/think about other than little people.

 

To be frank, I don't care overmuch if DH is tired when he gets home. Don't talk to me about tired. When your "job" is 24/7, the relief has to be sent in sometimes.

[ReadingMama1214]

It's not a mom break though. It's just me being a human person with things to do/be interested in/think about other than little people.

 

To be frank, I don't care overmuch if DH is tired when he gets home. Don't talk to me about tired. When your "job" is 24/7, the relief has to be sent in sometimes.

Yes, I struggle when he says he's tired. Or when he comes home and just sits. I try to bite my tongue from saying anything harsh.

[Guest]

Yes, I struggle when he says he's tired. Or when he comes home and just sits. I try to bite my tongue from saying anything harsh.

 

That's very kind of you.

 

If you need someone to tell you to walk out the door every once in a while, even when your husband doesn't feel like it, please consider yourself told.

 

Say bye and leave. He'll keep them alive.

[Forget-Me-Not]

Yes. I need them if this homeschooling thing is going to work and DH is fully on board. My kids have a standing date with my MIL one afternoon a week which is sheer luxury. She picks them up around noon, feeds them lunch and dinner and returns them in the evening. That usually satisfies the need, but once in a while I will head out after DH is home from work if it's been a rough day or if I just need to run errands.

[Love My Life x4]

I wake up at 3:30/4 in the morning and hit the streets for a run and then workout in my garage (strength training) and that's MY time.  Once everyone is up I'm with my kids until bedtime. 

I'm a single mom so it's just me and the 4 of them pretty much every single day.

[Arcadia]

Yes, I struggle when he says he's tired. Or when he comes home and just sits.

When my hubby comes home tired during crazy work season while our kids were younger, he would just do movie night or watch Bill Nye, Will Kratts, other PBS videos on YouTube using the TV so that I could take a walk or have a nice long bubble bath.

 

Or our boys play legos and he just sit nearby and watch. When he is less tired he did the readalouds.

[Barb_]

It sounds as if this is something you need. You have to take the initiative to make it happen. Are you no good at directly asking for what you want?

 

"Darling Husband of mind...I will be (taking a yoga class, heading to the library or bookstore, taking myself to dinner, whatever) once a week by myself to regroup and save my sanity. I'd like you to take over the reins and hang with the kids, straighten up, do bedtime, etc on whichever night works for you. Which night would be best?

 

He is not doing you a favor. These are his kids. Don't do the unnecessary guilt thing.

[Guest]

 

He is not doing you a favor. These are his kids.

 

 

^^^ Can not be stressed enough ^^^

[Garga]

If you need a break each week, take a break each week.

 

I'm a logical person. Here's my logic and I don't feel a shred of guilt over it:

 

People need breaks. I am a people. Therefore, I need breaks.

 

Your husband is a person, too. He also needs breaks. The two of you need to be sure that you're both getting breaks. Your school work isn't a break. Unless he's a very unreasonable person, he'll understand. You don't need to feel bad. Just start up a new routine where you go out on whatever day you two decide.

[BarbecueMom]

I've found that breaks don't actually help. Even if I'm somewhere else, I'm still mom. That part of my brain doesn't shut off. Parenting is like scooping water out of a bathtub while it's still running. Some people can get a break if they stop scooping for a bit. I won't feel like I'm having a break until the water shuts off. Might as well keep scooping.

[Kathryn]

Never. I was going to be able to go to a get-together of moms from our homeschool group in a couple of weeks on a Saturday (literally first time in six years I'd be without DH or kids besides a doctor's appt) but was just informed that DH's nephew, whom we've seen a handful of times in his life, is having a high school graduation party at his grandfather's house that day and we are expected to make the three hour trip there.

[MedicMom]

A mom break? What a hilarious concept.

[rocassie]

My DH always did bath time and getting ready for bed ever since my first was born.  This gave me a good 30-60 minutes of down time with no one wanting anything from me.  So yeah I guess I got "me time" almost daily when the kids were little.  Even now, I usually have one evening a week to go out with friends, do a book club, or some other thing I'm interested in.  I don't work, and thankfully my DH works 7-4, M-F with almost no travel so he is present every evening and weekend.  After being at work all day, he wants to come home and spend time interacting with the kids.  I enjoy the break and recharge it gives me.  I don't feel I need it as much as my youngest is 4yo and all three will spend hours outside playing together.  Those babyhood and toddlerhood days of my kids wanting to talk, touch, or be in my presence 24/7 was very draining for me.

[Dmmetler]

I taught a college class on Saturday mornings until DD was 6. It gave me something different to do, as well as staying active in my career.

[Petrichor]

That's very kind of you.

 

If you need someone to tell you to walk out the door every once in a while, even when your husband doesn't feel like it, please consider yourself told.

 

Say bye and leave. He'll keep them alive.

 

It took me a while to realize the bolded. 

 

I never got mom breaks when DS7 was little. Now (this being especially significant because of the baby) I take mom breaks a few times a week, and give myself anywhere from a half hour to a few hours when DH is home where I'm off duty and I just ignore everything else. 

 

The constant need to be ON really drained me with DS as a toddler, and honestly, he's still rather draining. 

[umsami]

I never got or have gotten a regular break.  It's been 13 years.  I'm on duty 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.  The only time off I've had has been when I've been in the hospital and a massage about twice per year that my Mom and Dad watch the kids for.  I'd like one, though.

[heartlikealion]

I had a thread like this and lots of people talked about "quiet time." I don't know if I count that as a real break lol. Yeah, it is compared to non stop in your face stuff, but to me a break is I leave the house or the family leaves the house :laugh:

 

Dh sometimes takes the kids out of the house (like grocery shopping) and I am so very grateful for that time. I really like to be isolated sometimes. Dh is watching the kids now but I can hear everyone.

[marbel]

If you need a break each week, take a break each week.

 

I'm a logical person. Here's my logic and I don't feel a shred of guilt over it:

 

People need breaks. I am a people. Therefore, I need breaks.

 

Your husband is a person, too. He also needs breaks. The two of you need to be sure that you're both getting breaks. Your school work isn't a break. Unless he's a very unreasonable person, he'll understand. You don't need to feel bad. Just start up a new routine where you go out on whatever day you two decide.

 

I really like this.  And just want to say... that often women (not shaking my finger at anyone here, I'm talking about women I know IRL) think that their husband gets a break by being at work.  Well, maybe some do.  Mine never had a job that was a break.  So I was sympathetic when my husband came home exhausted. Well, I still am, but the kids bathe themselves and all that now, so it's not so intense. 

 

He got more lunches out.  That was about it for breaks during his workday.  :001_smile:

 

It's a good thing to work out together.

 

 

[SeaConquest]

I wouldn't survive without breaks. I'm sending my kids to camp all summer long because I am so burned out on them.

[LucyStoner]

Yes I do take breaks for my own time. When I don't, I run the risk of becoming that mom. Not the frazzled mess mom, that mom you hear about on the news who drove her Chevy to the levee (when it wasn't dry). I don't think I would harm my kids, but I do in part take breaks to spare them my more erratic or frazzled self. Part of that is personality. Part is mental health related to my stressful past. Part of that is that my sons have challenges and caregiver fatigue is real.

 

If other moms don't need or want breaks or can manage without them, that is their life. They are not optional for me. We do quiet time. Ideally I drag my butt to work out in the AM. I skate (after they are getting to bed) 1-2x a week. 1x a month or so I meet a friend or my little brother for late night happy hour.

 

When I worked FT, I got breaks there. Lunch or a coffee break at least. hellz, just commuting alone seemed like a break. Sometimes I'd go to happy hour with a work friend. My need for kid free time at home increased when I became a SAHM 4 years ago.

Edited May 13, 2016 by LucyStoner

[Rachel]

In have a Y membership for this reason. My husband travels a lot and I homeschool my kids, I need a break. 2-3 times a week I drop the kids in the childcare and go for a run. About every 6 weeks an older mom friend of mine watches my kids for an afternoon too. It's really nice!

[Minerva]

I had a root canal once. It was pretty great. 

 

I kid. I kid. But I do remember when my kids were smaller feeling so happy to go to the dentist for some me time. 

 

They are older now and every once in a while I sneak out for something other than dental torture. Last year I even had an overnight trip with my BFF. Most fun I've ever had and I came home a better mom. 

[Chelli]

I get three hours on Monday nights totally alone. I usually don't do anything except work on my writing or read at our local coffee shop. It is necessary for me and I told my dh as much. He was 100% on board and glad I told him I needed that time.

 

I also have an entire week every summer where I'm totally by myself (no dh, no kids). It is fabulous. I watch whatever I want on TV, work on projects around the house, spend a day going through privately owned booktores in Houston with my bff, sleeping in and staying up late, working on homeschool planning, etc. Sheer bliss every year. 

[ReadingMama1214]

I had a thread like this and lots of people talked about "quiet time." I don't know if I count that as a real break lol. Yeah, it is compared to non stop in your face stuff, but to me a break is I leave the house or the family leaves the house :laugh:

 

Dh sometimes takes the kids out of the house (like grocery shopping) and I am so very grateful for that time. I really like to be isolated sometimes. Dh is watching the kids now but I can hear everyone.

This is what I count as a break as well. Quiet times are nice, but still require me to be on duty. I count times where I am out or not responsible for the children as a break.

[Ananda]

I take breaks in the sense that I might read in a bath while my husband is on kid duty or watch a movie rather than be productive late at night.  I don't take breaks in the sense of leaving the house without children or staying home while my whole family leaves.  First, I often have a nursing baby who I can't be separated from.  Second, my husband doesn't drive so he doesn't have a lot of good options to take the kids without me.  Third, when I have tired to leave the house without children, I never know what to do.  I end up wandering Barnes & Noble, confused about how to browse a bookstore without children.  I don't understand that phenomenon.  Occasionally (like maybe twice a year when my nurser is older), I go see a movie in a theater.

[ReadingMama1214]

I get three hours on Monday nights totally alone. I usually don't do anything except work on my writing or read at our local coffee shop. It is necessary for me and I told my dh as much. He was 100% on board and glad I told him I needed that time.

 

I also have an entire week every summer where I'm totally by myself (no dh, no kids). It is fabulous. I watch whatever I want on TV, work on projects around the house, spend a day going through privately owned booktores in Houston with my bff, sleeping in and staying up late, working on homeschool planning, etc. Sheer bliss every year.

That sounds fabulous. My issue is that I am not terribly assertive. DH doesn't tend to express much beyond sarcasm when I talk about him having kids or doesn't seem super excited. I brought it up tonight and he said "you just need to make plans and do them" and when I addressed the fact that he doesn't encourage me to go out or expresses lack of desire he says "I don't mind doing it, I'm not going to say I want to, but I don't mind it" and that "I'm going to be sarcastic either way".

 

The thing is he gets a lot of time out. Last weekend, on Mother's Day, he went to the store with his dad and they just happened to stop at a brewery for over an hour. He mentioned that he "couldn't promise he won't go to a brewery this weekend again with his dad" when I expressed frustration he was surprised. I do think I need to start being more assertive and not worry about his feelings. I think I just want him to innitiate as a way of showing he cares. I'm not sure that's going to happen though or that it should.

[Anne in CA]

This made me really smile big. When my ds was 2 (he is now almost 21) I would go to the tanning salon every day after dinner, leaving the kids with their dad. He was a real handful. At night I used to pray HUGE prayers of thanks that he was still alive after the day's antics. I was a very, very tan mom, lol. But I NEEDED those breaks.