Who all do you call Mom?

[happypamama]

My kids' nanny often called them "mama."  I don't understand that, but whatever.  (She is from Honduras, must be a cultural thing.)  It used to bug me since I was still working on getting them to call *me* mama, for quite a while after I took custody.  Anyway, I know that's a side issue.  :p  Little confused over here.  :p

I have heard a mother of some sort of Spanish-speaking culture (maybe Puerto Rican?) call her little one "mama," so I think it must be a cultural thing.

[Jaybee]

I have heard a mother of some sort of Spanish-speaking culture (maybe Puerto Rican?) call her little one "mama," so I think it must be a cultural thing.

 

Yes, it is common in Spanish-speaking cultures to call little girls "mama" or "mamita". It is considered sweet and affectionate.

[Farrar]

I only call my mother mom.

 

My children don't call anyone mom. They call me Farrar. I was never able to talk them out of it. If they ever call their mils or anyone else mom, I will completely lose it. And I will be justified. I'm not bothered that they call me by my name. That's fine. But it would not be okay for them to call someone else mom when they don't call me mom.

 

I have noticed that among younger people and in some groups of people, it seems to be not completely uncommon to have informal "moms" and "grandmas" - someone who acts as a caregiver who's really just a good friend and they having a half joking "she's my faux mom" or "that's my other mom" kind of a thing. It's a little weird to me, but whatever, I've never had that with someone so of course it's weird to me.

Edited April 2, 2016 by Farrar

[Paige]

Only my mom, but I know others who do things differently. My own grandmother was Momma FirstName to many people. When I was a kid it was common for people to stop by to see her who called her Momma. Sometimes they hadn't seen her for 40-50 years, but came by because they were visiting family and heard she was still alive. Calling her Momma didn't diminish their love for their own mothers. It wasn't something they said because she was old, but my mom said that all the kids in the neighborhood always called her Momma FirstName and over time the FirstName part was often dropped. 

 

 

[Melinda in VT]

I can't vote on this device, but I call my in-laws and my parents Mom and Dad, and so does DH.

 

I was taught to ask people what they wanted to be called, so I asked my in-laws, and they preferred Mom and Dad.

 

Some of it might be age; I married at 22.

[Arcadia]

My daughter in law made a *thing* out of not calling me "mom" or my dh "dad" until after she was married to my son. Before that it was always Mrs last name. I'm not sure if it is a cultural thing (she's Chinese American) or just her personal choice.

Chinese historically have married people addressing their in-laws as mom and dad starting after the tea ceremony. Now some start using the terms mom and dad after engagement and some like me skip the custom.

 

My hubby has a older brother whose wife address MIL as mom so MIL wasn't upset that I didn't call her mom. She just want hubby married and for me to give her more grandsons :lol: My SIL's hubby does what your SIL does.

 

My family is also more traditional than my in-laws and my BIL's wife family. I also call my parents all kind of variations of mom and dad but never mom and dad. So in-laws aren't bothered that I am more traditional than them but just not the mom and dad calling part. We had the most traditional wedding among her kids which she received compliments from her age peers.

 

My kids still prefer mommy or ma and daddy but they drag out the words. Grandma and grandpa is different in our chinese dialects so my in-laws are called grandma and grandpa in one dialect and my parents in another. Everyone is happy.

 

ETA:

My hubby calls my parents mom and dad once engaged.

Edited April 2, 2016 by Arcadia

[Mimm]

Only my mom. My step mother (who came into my life when I was an adult) is called by her first name and so is my MIL, who is a wonderful person that I love dearly and sometimes get along with better than my own mother.

 

[HS Mom in NC]

No.

I call my biological mother who raised me, "mom." I called my stepmothers by their first names. I got married at 20 and my husband was 26.  I call my MIL by her first name even though my FIL very nicely said, You can call me 'dad.'"  I said very nicely, "Thanks, Ed!  That's so nice of you!" and have called him Ed ever since.  His daughter's husband calls them "mom" and "dad." Isn't that nice. My husband calls my mom, dads by their first names. I call my biological dad and my step-dad, who married my mother when I was 3, "dad."

My maternal grandparents who helped raise me and my biological brother when my mom was working got Mother's Day and Father's Day gifts from my brother and me every year.  Both of my dads called my maternal grandmother by her first name. My mother never lived on the same side of the country or even met either of my dads' mothers.  She didn't call them anything.

[Spryte]

We have a convoluted family.

 

I call my mom "mom." My stepmom wanted me to call her mom, and then didn't, and then did, and then didn't again. I tried to respect her wishes each time. 25 years into this and she just went back to not-mom a few years ago. Ok. She's her first name again, and that's that. I'm done changing. It's hurtful. To me, not my mom! I feel excluded again. And that actually makes my mom feel sad.

 

And I'm a stepmom. I know, OP, that you said in the other thread you'd be out of your mind if your kids had a stepmom. Sorry. My DSS calls me mom. I never asked him to do so. At 6, he asked if he could call me mom and I said I thought it might hurt his mom's feelings, and we decided not to go that route. But at 12, when we had his little bro, he just made the switch and there was no stopping him. There was a brief stint in college, when all parents became first names, but now I'm mom again. As long as he knows I love him, I'm fine with whatever. This is about him, not me. I just want him to know that we are his family, here for him no matter what, and if calling me mom helps cement that, no problem. I don't know what his mom thinks about it, or if she knows. At this point, he's an adult, and it's up to him.

 

My kids both have birthmoms. They call them by their first names, but I am aware that they will likely experiment later. I'm ok with it. I'm more than the title mom. That goes with being an adoptive parent in an open adoption. We have to work through a lot of fear and insecurity. I will always be the one who raised them and kissed boo boos. But they will always have their other mothers, and their own relationships with them. I've had to learn a lot about love. :)

 

And then, to add to this - my DH has reconnected with his birthfamily. The mom issue has arisen. He will not call his birthmom "mom" ... But he uses her grandmother name, the one the kids call her. I call her the same.

 

And we each call our in laws by their first names. I think, honestly, that MIL would prefer I call her Mrs. Last Name, because she is very formal.

 

No straight up easy answers, once families get complicated.

 

Oh! I thought of another mom situation here. I fostered my best friend's child, in my 20s, after her death. I was always First Name to him. I was his legal guardian, he lived with me, but never called me mom. It would not have occurred to us, though.

Edited April 2, 2016 by Spryte

[HS Mom in NC]

I have an adopted kid.  My oldest is engaged but they haven't set a date and my middle and her boyfriend assume they'll get married but there's no formal engagement. Who knows?  I'm perfectly OK with my youngest referring to her birthmom as her mom.  We talk about her having 2 moms and I call her birthmom her "mom." I'm perfectly OK with my future sons-in-law calling me by my first name or "mom." If my daughters want to call their MILs "mom" I'm OK with that to. Of all the things in life to get upset or stressed out about one way or the other, this doesn't even make the list.

Edited April 4, 2016 by Homeschool Mom in AZ

[KrissiK]

I have heard a mother of some sort of Spanish-speaking culture (maybe Puerto Rican?) call her little one "mama," so I think it must be a cultural thing.

Yeah, that's a thing. It drove me crazy when I first started hearing it. We live in a predominately Hispanic area and they call their youngsters "mama" or "mommy". I still think it's odd, but I'm used to it now.

[SquirrellyMama]

I only use mom for my own mother, but I know people who use mom for their MILs. I may have called friends' moms mom when I was a teen. I can't really remember.

 

My own mom called her MIL and FIL mom and dad.

 

Kelly

[wintermom]

As much as I truly love my mil, I just don't feel comfortable calling her mom. She doesn't want her children-in-law calling her by her first name, so since we've had dc I call her grandma. Before that I didn't have a specific name I'd use with her. It was a bit awkward. I wish there had been a version of 'mom' that the other in-laws had started using before I joined the family. The siblings already called their maternal grandmother mum.

Edited April 2, 2016 by wintermom

[Scarlett]

We have a convoluted family.

 

I call my mom "mom." My stepmom wanted me to call her mom, and then didn't, and then did, and then didn't again. I tried to respect her wishes each time. 25 years into this and she just went back to not-mom a few years ago. Ok. She's her first name again, and that's that. I'm done changing. It's hurtful. To me, not my mom! I feel excluded again. And that actually makes my mom feel sad.

 

And I'm a stepmom. I know, OP, that you said in the other thread you'd be out of your mind if your kids had a stepmom. Sorry. My DSS calls me mom. I never asked him to do so. At 6, he asked if he could call me mom and I said I thought it might hurt his mom's feelings, and we decided not to go that route. But at 12, when we had his little bro, he just made the switch and there was no stopping him. There was a brief stint in college, when all parents became first names, but now I'm mom again. As long as he knows I love him, I'm fine with whatever. This is about him, not me. I just want him to know that we are his family, here for him no matter what, and if calling me mom helps cement that, no problem. I don't know what his mom thinks about it, or if she knows. At this point, he's an adult, and it's up to him.

 

My kids both have birthmoms. They call them by their first names, but I am aware that they will likely experiment later. I'm ok with it. I'm more than the title mom. That goes with being an adoptive parent in an open adoption. We have to work through a lot of fear and insecurity. I will always be the one who raised them and kissed boo boos. But they will always have their other mothers, and their own relationships with them. I've had to learn a lot about love. :)

 

And then, to add to this - my DH has reconnected with his birthfamily. The mom issue has arisen. He will not call his birthmom "mom" ... But he uses her grandmother name, the one the kids call her. I call her the same.

 

And we each call our in laws by their first names. I think, honestly, that MIL would prefer I call her Mrs. Last Name, because she is very formal.

 

No straight up easy answers, once families get complicated.

 

Oh! I thought of another mom situation here. I fostered my best friend's child, in my 20s, after her death. I was always First Name to him. I was his legal guardian, he lived with me, but never called me mom. It would not have occurred to us, though.

 

 

It is one of the things that kept me married to my son's father for so long.  I couldn't stomach the thought of having to send my son off with his dad and whatever the latest woman was.  The year or so it happened after our divorce was final was one of the most painful times of my life.  Maybe it would not have been so bad if she wasn't THE other woman.  

 

At this point if XH introduces ds to a girlfriend it will only be because the girlfriend presses it.  Ds has no interest in ever seeing his dad much less the latest girlfriend.

[foxbridgeacademy]

Just my mom.  We haven't spoken to MIL for 12 years and the MIL I had before was kind but distant.  DH will refer to my mom as "mom" occasionally as a joke because he knows it makes her a little uncomfortable.     

[JennyD]

 

I call my inlaws "Mom" and "Dad," and DH does the same with my parents.  My sister-in-law also calls my parents "Mom" and "Dad," and both my parents and my inlaws called their respective inlaws "Mom" and "Dad."  So it does not seem at all strange to any of us, although I've never heard any of my friends call their inlaws "Mom or "Dad."  It is probably at least in part a cultural thing.  

 

My parents and my inlaws also consider themselves to be related to one another, and to our respective siblings.  My parents and ILs happen to like each other a lot, which is terrific, but they would consider themselves related even if they couldn't stand one another.  (See, e.g., one of my cousins and her parents/ILs.)  

 

I recognize that if/when my sons marry, it is likely that their wives will not want to call me "Mom."  Which is fine -- social practices change over time.  But I will almost certainly offer them the option.  

 

 

 

 

 

Edited April 2, 2016 by JennyD

[Piper]

Being an Aussie, I have always used "Mum" for my mother. Since I have an American MIL, I can call her "Mom" - and I don't feel like I'm usurping my Mum's prerogative. :) (I love my MIL to pieces - she's just the world's best, and always treats me like her own daughter. :wub: )

Using names was very different with my FIL, though. My own father died suddenly about 3 months after my wedding, and I could never bring myself to call anyone else "Dad". I loved my FIL dearly, but always called him by his first name.

[heartlikealion]

No, but I have heard of it... I think on TV or something.

 

I use first names for in-laws, but asked dh once if I was seen as disrespectful for doing so since BIL (his in-laws, too) uses more formal terms and has been in the family longer than me. Dh said not to worry about it, they don't care. BIL uses "sir" "ma'am" or "Ms. firstname."

[Spryte]

It is one of the things that kept me married to my son's father for so long. I couldn't stomach the thought of having to send my son off with his dad and whatever the latest woman was. The year or so it happened after our divorce was final was one of the most painful times of my life. Maybe it would not have been so bad if she wasn't THE other woman.

 

At this point if XH introduces ds to a girlfriend it will only be because the girlfriend presses it. Ds has no interest in ever seeing his dad much less the latest girlfriend.

I'm sorry. That sounds really hard.

 

We used to have a neighbor who would make the same sorts of statements ("whatever the latest woman was," and assumptions about me being the "other woman") ... I just smiled. And nodded. And passed the bean dip. Sometimes it stinks to deal with other people's perceptions of stepmoms. Sometimes it's hurtful. I'm glad she's no longer our neighbor. She was very judgmental.

 

In my case, my DSS's bio mom was closer to the "other woman." Though there was no infidelity involved. DSS is the happy surprise that came from a one night stand while we were both doing our own thing at separate colleges Yes, it really only takes one night to be linked for life with a stranger, and raising a child together. 24 years later, and I'm happy to have been part of raising him, and it thrills my soul to see what a great big brother he is. And, he kicks butt at hiding Easter eggs (obviously he was just here for Easter weekend).

 

Stepmoms aren't all bad. :) We're not all Other Women, and we're not even all second wives. DH and I have both only been married once. We've been married 17 years, and it's been 28 years of loving each other, even when that meant being apart at separate schools and both of us dating other people. He was always my gold standard. Pretty sure he'd say the same of me.

[Guest]

Huh! Apparently I fibbed in the poll and only just remembered. My fiber arts mentor, the woman who started it all for me as a teen, was named Merrsgr (pronounced Mer-say-Ger, with a hard G). And she asked that me and pretty much everyone else in her camp at Potrero and Calafia/Angels at large call her "Mom". And it totally fit, too. So I did call her mom because she asked, but it wasn't really in a maternal way, though she was undeniably that.

 

I haven't thought about her in years! She is one of the things I miss most about not living in Caid anymore, along with my very best friend who is still involved in the area.

[shinyhappypeople]

I call my childhood BFF's mom my "other mother"  and even to this day she refers to herself as my "OM"    :001_wub:

It was never a "I'm trying to usurp your mother's position" type of thing.  It was a "I love you and you're like family to me" thing.

[DesertBlossom]

Only my mom. When mil calls she says "this is Mama Lastname." I'm not sure if the other ILs call her mom or by her first name. But it would be super weird to me to call her mom. She's not my mom.

[theelfqueen]

Only my Mother.

 

Never my MIL or XMIL. First names there. XMIL sometimes by the endearment her grandkids (including my older two sons) call her.

 

My mom called my dad's parents Mom and Dad, my dad always called my mom's parents Mr and Mrs Lastname.

[heartlikealion]

 MY inlaws gave me the choice between 'Mum and Dad' and 'Mr and Mrs Last name'.

 

I think that is just weird, especially given dh got to call my mum and dad by their first names.

 

This is why I don't call them anything.

 

That's a bit awkward. Seems like a choice between very informal to very formal.

 

We never had a discussion, really? I just asked after the fact based on observation. My parents are firstname to dh as well.

[Scarlett]

I'm sorry. That sounds really hard.

 

We used to have a neighbor who would make the same sorts of statements ("whatever the latest woman was," and assumptions about me being the "other woman") ... I just smiled. And nodded. And passed the bean dip. Sometimes it stinks to deal with other people's perceptions of stepmoms. Sometimes it's hurtful. I'm glad she's no longer our neighbor. She was very judgmental.

 

In my case, my DSS's bio mom was closer to the "other woman." Though there was no infidelity involved. DSS is the happy surprise that came from a one night stand while we were both doing our own thing at separate colleges Yes, it really only takes one night to be linked for life with a stranger, and raising a child together. 24 years later, and I'm happy to have been part of raising him, and it thrills my soul to see what a great big brother he is. And, he kicks butt at hiding Easter eggs (obviously he was just here for Easter weekend).

 

Stepmoms aren't all bad. :) We're not all Other Women, and we're not even all second wives. DH and I have both only been married once. We've been married 17 years, and it's been 28 years of loving each other, even when that meant being apart at separate schools and both of us dating other people. He was always my gold standard. Pretty sure he'd say the same of me.

 

I know not all step moms are bad. I am one ya know. And yet I still don't want my son to have one.

[cjzimmer1]

I know multiple people who call their MIL's mom but all of them have good relationships with those MIL's.  My MIL frustrates me to no end.  I could never call her mom.  She has never been anything close to that for me.  At times I'm not sure she even deserves that title from my husband.

[ChristusG]

Just my mom. I could never call anyone else by that name.

[Pam in CT]

Almost immediately after my husband and I got engaged (he was the first of his siblings), his mother, whom I already adored, asked me to please now call her Mom.  She herself called her own MIL Mom (her mother was still alive at the time, and the two were very often together at gatherings); for her that was the family norm.  

 

I completely didn't expect it, and sort of... stammered.  Obviously she meant it as a loving inclusive gesture, but it wasn't my family norm -- both my own parents called their respective sets of in-laws by their respective first names -- and it felt weird for me, though I don't think my mother would have minded (and I'm quite sure she would have refrained from saying anything if she did).  So I demurred, and called MIL by her first name, and she was OK with that (or at least refrained from saying anything); and over the years as my husband's siblings married off, their spouses all followed suit.

 

I don't figure I've got standing on the question of what my kids call other people, including their in-laws when they get to that point.  That's really between them and their in-laws.

 

[Garga]

I'm supposed to call my mil mom, but in 23 years of marriage I've managed never to directly address her with a name. I don't often use anyone's name. If I'm referring to her with dh, I say "your mom", and with the kids I say "mom-mom."

 

I'm just not comfortable with calling anyone else mom. Actually, I call my mom 'mother'.

[Joker]

I guess I should actually say I call no one 'mom'. My mom is Momma. That's what we've always called her and my siblings and I never felt a need to shorten it. My own dds, now teens, call me the same.

[Jean in Newcastle]

My mother-in-law is also my mother  (in law).  So I call her mom.  It has nothing to do with the quality of our relationship.  It is a title.  That said, I won't care what my kid's spouses call me and I don't care what other people do in their families  When I taught, all my students no matter if they were littles or teens ended up calling me Mom.  I guess in that case it was a nickname since I did not have the function of mom in their lives. 

[MeaganS]

I voted yes, but I only call my mom "mom" and myself "mom". All day long I refer to myself in the third person on and off, and it is what came to mind. So maybe that's not what you are looking for, but I thought it applied.

[OhanaBee]

My mother-in-law insisted on me calling her "Mom" once DH and I were engaged.  I wasn't comfortable with it, based on comments my own mom had made over the years, but it was easier to go along with MIL [with whom we were closer, location-wise during those first years of marriage].  Now I call her "mom to her face, and by her first name when I'm talking about her to others [especially my own mother].

 

My mom made it very clear to my sister-in-law that she was, under no circumstances, to call her "mom".  Jen has a mom already and my mother was not it.

 

My son-in-law asked if he could call me mom after he and Pookers got married.  My own children actually call me by another name most of the time, so "mom" doesn't have the same intimacy for me as it did for my mother.  Some of my girls' friends have called me mom over the years, and that's just fine with me.

 

I would have preferred my mother-in-law wait for me to ask, or even ask, herself, if that was what I wanted to call her.  But after 25 years of marriage, I don't think this will change.

[Guest]

I don't think I could have called Mum "Mom" even if I had married her son, but he called her "Mum" so it just naturally fell out of my mouth.

 

I liked and respected Betty (MIL #1) and the feeling was mutual, but she didn't feel particularly maternal to me. Kathy (MIL #2) didn't like me. I would have been more comfortable calling her "Mrs. Mythenhusband'sname", but that was my name too and she introduced herself to me as "Kathy".

 

None of my children are married yet. If their partners wanted to call me "Mom", that would be okay with me, but I think it would make more sense to encourage them to go with "Mom Myname" to avoid hard feelings with their own parents unless their mothers were "Mama", "Ma", "Mother", etc.

 

I'm "Mom". I have no problem whatsoever with my kids calling their MILs Mama, Ma, Mum, or Mother.

Edited April 3, 2016 by Guest

[Guest]

 

I voted yes, but I only call my mom "mom" and myself "mom". All day long I refer to myself in the third person on and off, and it is what came to mind. So maybe that's not what you are looking for, but I thought it applied.

 

 

Mom is that way too. She even pretends that her pets call her Mom when she writes me from their point of view. After almost 30 years, it still feels funny to me when she refers to herself as "Grandmom" to my kids.

 

There was never any question about her being Gran, Gramma, or any other variation. It just wasn't going to happen. :P

[sagira]

I just very recently (literally a few months ago) began calling my mil and referring to her as mom. I've known her for almost twenty years. I don't call my own mother mom. She's Mamsi, Mami, or Alita, as I'm from a different country originally. My own "mom" doesn't like to be called mom (as in the American "mom"). Thus I feel okay referring to my mil as mom.

Edited April 3, 2016 by sagira

[Cake and Pi]

My actual mother, the woman who raised me, is the only woman I've ever called "Mom" or any variation of mom.

 

However, I've called my biological father, 1st stepfather (of two), and FIL "Dad" or variations of dad.  DH is a jr, so I feel more awkward calling FIL by his name (my DHs name!) than to call him dad.

[Guest]

dd28 calls both me and her stepmother "Mom". It's never confusing and always obvious from the context who she means. I didn't even think about that until now--it just seems normal to me.