dd's first period - did you/will you do anything special?

[ktgrok]

My mom brought me home a balloon, a red one, that said "Congrats" on it. I was mortified. NOT my style. 

 

Now, my own daughter is only 5 but she loves to celebrate anything and everything. I swear she will end up being an event planner one day. So I could see making it an event for her. 

[Reefgazer]

I swear, we were a few minutes short of having to withdraw from the meet - it's not something I had thought of at all until that moment. 

I heard this conversation when I was in the rest room of a swim meet. It was swim events portion of our state Special Olympics games. It made me glad my Special Olympics athlete was male. The young woman was unable to figure it out with her mom's help, so she had to withdraw from events. She had done an event the day before so she didn't miss out entirely.

 

[Hilltop]

 

 

To the OP, I don't know why that girl was crying so much - do you? Was it physical pain, hormonal/emotional, or what? I don't quite understand that reaction.

 

Her mom thinks it was hormonal/emotional.  She asked her dd if she was in any pain and her dd said she wasn't.  She has always said she doesn't want to grow up and I guess this was a sign to her that she is....?  Her mom tried to be as sensitive as she could, but she was surprised at her dd's reaction.

 

I've enjoyed reading the variety of responses.  I'm still not sure what I'll do... probably follow my dds' lead when the time comes. 

[dlcricket]

I gave her Nancy Rue's The Body Book and told her to let me know when she got to the chapter on periods. I had prepared a little cloth zipper case with pads, tampons, and a small wrapped gift (earrings). We took a pad and ran water over it in the sink to see how much it absorbed. Then, we opened a tampon and soaked it and watched it expand. This took the mystery out of it. I told her to keep supplies in the case. The gift was to be opened when she had her first period. When it happened, she told me very calmly, and found the gift and opened it.

[Joker]

I just asked my two teen dds this question, who both started at 11, and they said they would have hated it but acted happy to not upset me. I think they over estimate their acting skills and I would have known.

 

No, I did nothing special. We had talked previously. I made sure they had supplies and were okay. That is all they wanted and needed. We continue to talk and all is okay.

[regentrude]

Wow, suprised at the number of 'no way's here....

 

I intend to take the daughter out, buy supplies, have a lunch, and maybe use it as a conversation starter of some of the more adult topics of womanhood.

 

Many girls start their periods at 10 or 11 years.

I do not consider that ready for the "more adult topics of womanhood". Even though they are physically able to reproduce. The little girls I know don't think of themselves as women ready for sex and pregnancy at menarche - nor does culture in modern Western society conflate the two issues.

[regentrude]

dp

[Melissa in Australia]

I remember my mum gave me the day off school- but I was pretty unwell with massive cramps, headache etc. I was just 9 years old. I remember she told dad, and he congratulated me- I was mortified that she had told him something like that.

 

I did nothing for DD( she was 15) as she is homeschooled anyway she didn't need a day off school, and she doesn't seem to get cramps anyway. I find the whole throwing a big celebration  thing a bit creepy/ tribal

[lynn]

My dd would not want me to say anything about it.    I did not appreciate my mom telling my aunt and oma.  so no we wont' do anything.   

 

[kewb]

My mom brought me home a balloon, a red one, that said "Congrats" on it. I was mortified. NOT my style. 

 

Now, my own daughter is only 5 but she loves to celebrate anything and everything. I swear she will end up being an event planner one day. So I could see making it an event for her.

 

I would find a red balloon mortifying.  If my mom had said anything or wanted to celebrate I would have died of embarrassment.  My relationship with dd is quite different then mine with my mother.  My dd and I talked about all things puberty since she was little.  My intro to all things period was the movie Growing up and liking it that I had to watch in 6th grade.

 

I still remember my dad greeting me with "My baby is now a woman" and my turning around and screaming up the stairs to my mother "You told dad!"  Total mortification.  As an adult I told my guy friends at work not to say anything to their daughters. Ever. No one wants their dad in on that.

[kewb]

dp

 

[Mimm]

Wow, I am surprised people would find it "strange" or "creepy" to mark this milestone. I found this on the GladRags website: 

 

"The Dagara hold large ceremonies each year celebrating the girls who started their periods during the previous twelve months. In parts of Southern India, newly menstruating girls are given feasts, money, and gifts and are adorned in beautiful new clothes. Japanese families traditionally commemorate a daughter’s first menstrual period by eating red rice and beans. Aboriginal Australians ritually bathe and apply beautiful body paint to young women at the onset of their periods. Here in North America, Apache Indians pay tribute to the girls in their tribe when they embark on menarche with large five-day ceremonies attended by hundreds of people who dance and chant for nearly twelve hours each day to honor the young woman for starting her period. During these ceremonies, the newly menstruating girl ascends to almost divine status as she embodies the Apache goddess, Changing Woman. The young woman lays her hands on the other participants, bestowing curative energy to her tribe. The ritual culminates with the exchange of truckloads of gifts to inaugurate the young woman’s relationship with her godmother, who will help guide her into adulthood."

 

I feel like I'm in good company with our little mother/daughter fondue dinner. :)

 

Seriously, it is fascinating to me that in our culture even quietly acknowledging this transition is "creepy," but in other places it is a huge, special (public!) deal. 

 

That is fascinating. And kind of mind boggling. How do they get anything done if they are having huge festivals every time a girl starts her period. I guess in a group of a few hundred people, there aren't that many girls getting their first period.

 

I don't know why we're so squeamish about it. Maybe the same reason we freak out about nipples and breastfeeding. Female sexuality is scary or something. :p

[marbel]

<snip>

 

I don't know why we're so squeamish about it. Maybe the same reason we freak out about nipples and breastfeeding. Female sexuality is scary or something. :p

 

Squeamish, or matter-of-fact?  

 

I'm just talking about periods here.  Nipples and breastfeeding are another story in US culture.    But I don't see it as squeamish that people don't want big celebrations, or want their Dad congratulating them on it, or want big red balloons on the day.  To me, it's simply private, and not very interesting either.

 

[8circles]

That is fascinating. And kind of mind boggling. How do they get anything done if they are having huge festivals every time a girl starts her period. I guess in a group of a few hundred people, there aren't that many girls getting their first period.

 

I don't know why we're so squeamish about it. Maybe the same reason we freak out about nipples and breastfeeding. Female sexuality is scary or something. :p

 

I'm reading this as not totally serious so not necessarily responding to you.  Also very under the weather, as is the whole house, so take it with a grain or two.

 

I think celebrating it is creepy.  I'm not freaked-out by nipples or breastfeeding.  I am a HUGE breastfeeding in public sans cover supporter.   They are not coming from the same motivation.  Getting your period is just what happens.  It means nothing about the girls development or importance past the physical ability to menstruate and the physical ability to become pregnant.  I wouldn't celebrate my son's first erection, either.  I can't think of a more equivalent "milestone" - I know that one isn't perfect.

 

I guess I don't understand why this is such an important thing to mark.  Female sexuality is a wonderful thing & I have no problem celebrating it.  But not for a 10 year-old.   Maybe if menstruation actually began at a more adult age it would be different.

[wintermom]

To me, it's simply private, and not very interesting either.

 

 

:iagree:   Yes, it's a very private thing for the young girl. If a grown woman wants to do something public, do it for herself (e.g., "celebrating" her first hot flash?)  

[Ellie]

No. Some hugs and trips to the store for supplies, but that's it. 

[regentrude]

I don't know why we're so squeamish about it. Maybe the same reason we freak out about nipples and breastfeeding. Female sexuality is scary or something. :p

 

I do not think it has anything to do with being squeamish about female sexuality. I come from a culture where nudity is no big deal and cities run public nude swimming pools - but menstruation is seen as private.

I rather think that it is because our society no longer deems it aceptable to view 10 or 11 year old girls as sexual beings. The survival of our "tribe" no longer depends on young girls bearing children as soon as they are physically capable. Several years elapse between the first period and the first legal sexual encounter; the time between the first period and the socially accepted time of first pregnancy is even longer.

Celebrating menarche makes  a lot of sense in cultures where this marks a girl's eligibility to be married off and bear children. But in our western societies, the two are completely disconnected. Celebrating a physical change that leads to children after ten years of dealing with monthly periods (again, something that was not the case in times when women spent the majority of their lives pregnant or nursing!) makes less sense.

[Carrie12345]

Nope.

My dd doesn't get embarrassed easily, but she wasn't shouting it from the rooftops, either.  I gave her a hug, said congrats and I'm sorry, lol, and everyone went about their day.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Wow, I am surprised people would find it "strange" or "creepy" to mark this milestone. I found this on the GladRags website: 

 

"The Dagara hold large ceremonies each year celebrating the girls who started their periods during the previous twelve months. In parts of Southern India, newly menstruating girls are given feasts, money, and gifts and are adorned in beautiful new clothes. Japanese families traditionally commemorate a daughter’s first menstrual period by eating red rice and beans. Aboriginal Australians ritually bathe and apply beautiful body paint to young women at the onset of their periods. Here in North America, Apache Indians pay tribute to the girls in their tribe when they embark on menarche with large five-day ceremonies attended by hundreds of people who dance and chant for nearly twelve hours each day to honor the young woman for starting her period. During these ceremonies, the newly menstruating girl ascends to almost divine status as she embodies the Apache goddess, Changing Woman. The young woman lays her hands on the other participants, bestowing curative energy to her tribe. The ritual culminates with the exchange of truckloads of gifts to inaugurate the young woman’s relationship with her godmother, who will help guide her into adulthood."

 

I feel like I'm in good company with our little mother/daughter fondue dinner. :)

 

Seriously, it is fascinating to me that in our culture even quietly acknowledging this transition is "creepy," but in other places it is a huge, special (public!) deal. 

I'm not celebrating my child's ability to bear children at a much younger age than the cultural norm.  I'm not ascribing mystical properties to menstrual blood.  In my culture, menstruation is a biological process that is just one physical marker in the reproductive maturation process.  I don't celebrate the first breast bud or pubic hair either for male or female.  

[Annie G]

I have a friend whose daughter was about the age of my middle daughter. When her dd got her first period, the mom threw a first moon party with all adult women, and invited me. I asked questions since I had never heard of such a thing and it involved bringing a candle,  some circle activity, chanting or praying with the girl, and blessing her with congratulations on becoming a woman. I declined the invitation but kind of wish I had attended to see what it was like. My girls would not have wanted something like that, but I guess it was normal in that family. 

 

I think a menopause party is more in order. By the time my periods stopped, I was SO glad to be done with the 40 years' worth of annoyances that my cycle brought. 

[HRAAB]

I'm not celebrating my child's ability to bear children at a much younger age than the cultural norm. I'm not ascribing mystical properties to menstrual blood. In my culture, menstruation is a biological process that is just one physical marker in the reproductive maturation process. I don't celebrate the first breast bud or pubic hair either for male or female.

Exactly. Not squeamish,just a biological fact of life. Plus I grew up and live in a western culture. It's life. Nothing magical or mystical, just biology. Plus all my girls started before their 11th birthday. They were still very young. No way was I going to celebrate they could become pregnant.

 

And we are very open - read OPEN - about breastfeeding. (Not directed to you Jean, it was mentioned in another post along with being squeamish)

[HRAAB]

I have a friend whose daughter was about the age of my middle daughter. When her dd got her first period, the mom threw a first moon party with all adult women, and invited me. I asked questions since I had never heard of such a thing and it involved bringing a candle, some circle activity, chanting or praying with the girl, and blessing her with congratulations on becoming a woman. I declined the invitation but kind of wish I had attended to see what it was like. My girls would not have wanted something like that, but I guess it was normal in that family.

 

I think a menopause party is more in order. By the time my periods stopped, I was SO glad to be done with the 40 years' worth of annoyances that my cycle brought.

Now a menopause party is something I could get behind although it would still be private. I still breathe a sign of relief every month, and it's been several years.

[Annie G]

Now a menopause party is something I could get behind although it would still be private. I still breathe a sign of relief every month, and it's been several years.

 

I still look at my period tracker app and celebrate milestones...another hundred days without a period!!!

[Jean in Newcastle]

I went ten months without a period and then started up again.   :banghead:

[Jean in Newcastle]

A comment about breastfeeding and sqeamishness.  Most squeamishness about breastfeeding in our culture anyway is because it is tied to sexuality in people's minds instead of as a biological way to feed babies.  Not saying that the body part itself isn't used for both but there is no need for special privacy when used for feeding babies.  

[Annie G]

I went ten months without a period and then started up again.   :banghead:

 

I did that too. I was SO upset.  Dh thought I was losing it. 

 

Sorry. I know it's disappointing. 

[MeaganS]

How has this video not been shared yet? I think it is hilarious.

 

As for how we celebrate, it will probably depend on the girl and what she wants or would like. We are a girl-filled household, and I imagine it won't be super mortifying for any of my girls given what I know of their personalities so far, so we may make it fun. ☺

 

[luuknam]

I don't have any girls, but I wouldn't if I did. My parents didn't do anything special with me. I wasn't happy about my first period, but part of the reason there was that my mom and I had a bet on when it would happen (I said it wouldn't happen before 13, she said she thought it would happen before 13... it happened two weeks before I turned 13. Grr). Besides, it's not like periods are fun, nor do they make you more of an adult (psychologically speaking, imo).

[chocolatechip]

I'm not celebrating my child's ability to bear children at a much younger age than the cultural norm.  I'm not ascribing mystical properties to menstrual blood.  In my culture, menstruation is a biological process that is just one physical marker in the reproductive maturation process.  I don't celebrate the first breast bud or pubic hair either for male or female.  

Exactly. To me it would be like celebrating having to start wearing deodorant, lol!

[KungFuPanda]

First Moon Party!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

I'm kidding. In my family we bloom so late is more like "it's about time" than a true event.

[J-rap]

No.  My daughters would have been embarrassed and felt a little silly if I'd made a big deal about it.  But that's just them.

[fairfarmhand]

Nope. My girls would have been mortified. In fact, they really were pretty unhappy about it anyway.

 

I can't say I blame them.

 

I hate periods.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I just took dd out for ice cream ... more of a "You seem kind of down.  Let's do something fun."  Rather than "You're a woman now!"  We had talked before about what to expect (Thank You, Care and Keeping of You!.)  I didn't want to make a big deal of it, but just make her more comfortable.  I wish I had known that irregular didn't only mean every 6 weeks to start, but could mean every two weeks.  I felt bad that I didn't prepare her for that. 

[Annie G]

I just took dd out for ice cream ... more of a "You seem kind of down.  Let's do something fun."  Rather than "You're a woman now!"  We had talked before about what to expect (Thank You, Care and Keeping of You!.)  I didn't want to make a big deal of it, but just make her more comfortable.  I wish I had known that irregular didn't only mean every 6 weeks to start, but could mean every two weeks.  I felt bad that I didn't prepare her for that. 

 

Oh that poor girl. Hope that didn't last long. 

[dirty ethel rackham]

Oh that poor girl. Hope that didn't last long. 

Unfortunately, it lasted a year for her before things got more regular.  I was pretty surprised that it is considered normal and was getting worried.  She was not happy.  We were both relieved when it settled back into a normal pattern.   

 

[OhanaBee]

I took the "no big deal" approach with my girls.  Asked each one if they wanted me to tell their Dad [to which all replied: NO!  I just let him figure it out on his own.  It took about a year with each one].

 

One of my poor children got hers the day we went to Disneyland with my Mom - Girls Day Out!! Poor child was horrified [though, thankfully, she woke up with it and did not start on "Small World"].  I asked her if she wanted me to tell Nana.  NO!  So my Mom still talks about our Disney trip where one of my daughter was just a GRUMP all day long.  Her older sister's words of support were as follows: "I'm just glad I finally got mine three months ago because it would have been really bad if you started before me!" 

 

Mucho Period Support at our house!  We all know where each other's chocolate stash is. :lol:

[mamakelly]

I wish I had known that irregular didn't only mean every 6 weeks to start, but could mean every two weeks. I felt bad that I didn't prepare her for that.

Yes!! My poor dd has this happen to her too. Every 2 weeks for a whole year, it was awful. The pediatrician said it was somewhat normal, but if I wanted, we could regulate with BC pills. I said no way (she was 11!), so we just waited it out.

[KungFuPanda]

Those of you who want to give them 'something' might consider those microwaveable bags with rice or feed corn in them. I never would have thought of it myself, but we happened to have one and I can count on my daughter stealing it for a few days each month.

[alisoncooks]

I'm amazed at all the responses that include:  Period = Chocolate Stash.

Obviously, my mother missed informing me of this important detail.  I shall rectify it immediately. 

[HRAAB]

I'm amazed at all the responses that include: Period = Chocolate Stash.

Obviously, my mother missed informing me of this important detail. I shall rectify it immediately.

My dds are the ones that educated me about the magic of chocolate. They learned from their friends. Never too old to learn something new.

[Guest]

Yeah, I am among the "no way" people. Honestly, the *worst* thing about starting when I was 12 was telling my mom, and then hearing her discussing it on the phone with my grandma. If it had been possible to quietly contain my periods until I moved out, I would have.

 

When DD got hers, she had her supplies and we had already discussed preparation many times before. I did nothing special.

[Orthodox6]

Did not "celebrate" the occasion for dd.  I do not come from a national culture, or from a religious culture, for which that would be normal and/or traditional. 

[KungFuPanda]

My dds are the ones that educated me about the magic of chocolate. They learned from their friends. Never too old to learn something new.

If you hide this chocolate in the freezer in an empty vegetable box, the men in your house will NEVER find it.

[Joyofsixreboot]

Well, my first two girls didn't even mention it until a couple weeks later. No celebration. My current 11 yo is mad I suggested a sports bra under a tee shirt sooooo I don't think the rest will be a celebration in her eyes.

[marbel]

I'm amazed at all the responses that include:  Period = Chocolate Stash.

Obviously, my mother missed informing me of this important detail.  I shall rectify it immediately. 

 

I don't get it.  I mean, we eat chocolate around here.  There is always some chocolate around.  What's the deal? 

 

[umsami]

I would love to do something special for DD when it comes.

 

I really love the whole Red Tent movement.

 

I think, at minimum, I'll take her out for a pedicure and lunch.  Why? Because many Muslims believe that women should not wear nail polish as it prevents the water from reaching their nails during the ritual purification (wudu) done before the prayers.  When you have your period, you don't pray....so it's like a 5-7 day window where you can wear nail polish without worrying about that issue. :)  I want her to look as her period as a monthly gift from God..... to take a break from ritual prayer, from fasting, etc.... and focus on herself a little.