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Angry on so many levels about minor incident at the supermarket

EmmaNZ

By EmmaNZ,
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EmmaNZ

EmmaNZ

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You are so gracious! I know that I am supposed to pray for people who upset, hurt, or offend me. Sometimes, I first have to pray for the ability to pray for those people. :)

i said it out loud, in Arabic, at the end of the exchange. I asked for forgiveness and guidance for both of us. She probably has gone home worried that I've cursed her!

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ssavings

ssavings

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There really aren't any words, but I'm so sorry.  How unfair and horrific that you had to endure that.  I'm angry for you!

My brother is a Catholic priest, and I can say for sure he would have been horrified to see her representing Catholics that way. 

 

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EmmaNZ

EmmaNZ

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Yeah, you probably should have translated that!  Who knows what she will tell people you said?  ;0

I was upset by then.  I don't think it even occurred to me that I had spoken in arabic until later on, never mind translating it for her! 

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bolt.

bolt.

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I'm appalled. Bigotry was such a big front-and-centre deal in the U.S. just such a little while ago (in the civil rights movement) I was sort of under the impression that lessons had been learned, progress made, lies disproven, behaviours identified... It's so odd just to hear this happening.

 

I suppose it's rare and shocking (now) as opposed to being common and virtuous to be a racist as it (maybe?) was before civil rights. But don't people see the similarities?

 

I just can't believe the inhumanity of some people.

 

Everybody here is angry alongside you.

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vickjul

vickjul

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Perhaps she should go home and read a history book to see what atrocities "she" has committed in the Middle East. Heck, she could start by reading her Old Testament.

Today a lady walked past me in the supermarket car park making the sign of the cross over herself as obviously as possible. Whilst in earshot of me she said "may the good Lord protect me".

Why???

Because I am obviously Muslim. Today I am wearing a pretty floral abaya (long dress), a peach hijab and orange shoes. I am accompanied by my two littlest people ages 5 and 2. I think I look quite friendly, and quite normal.


I asked her how could she be so rude and she replied I should think about all those things "I" have done in the Middle East. For goodness sake. I told her to go home and read her bible so she could learn how to be a real Christian.

But now I'm angry. Because she was so ignorant and bigoted. Because I didn't do very much to teach her that Muslims in general really aren't that bad. Because some idiots calling themselves Muslim do things so that all of Islam gets a bad name. I wish I had just ignored her instead of wasting so much brain space..... Sigh

 

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KungFuPanda

KungFuPanda

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i said it out loud, in Arabic, at the end of the exchange. I asked for forgiveness and guidance for both of us. She probably has gone home worried that I've cursed her!

I Super Like this because you were nice and she still thinks she's caught the a Evil Eye or something.

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myfunnybunch

myfunnybunch

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She is an ignorant nutjob.

 

:grouphug:

 

We have many students from the Middle East studying at our university. I love seeing the sweet families in the grocery store, and I too try to smile at young women in hijab because I hope to help counteract any nutjobbery they may have encountered. Plus they're so pretty (the lovely young women and their ?scarves?).

 

If I can, I say, "I like (the color of, the flowers on, the way you wrap) your scarf," but then I always wonder if I am calling it the right thing. Oh well, I figure they know what I am talking about when I say scarf, right? (Please say right so I don't feel totally stupid. :P)

 

 

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PrairieSong

PrairieSong

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I'm so sorry, Emma. I'm a Catholic Christian and I'm appalled that she would be that rude and paranoid. I was given a ride a few months ago by a 70-something Catholic lady. There were three of us in the car for several hours. At one point the conversation turned to some of the atrocities against Christians in the Middle East. I spoke up and said that there are extremists in every religion, nationality, etc., and that you can't lump everyone into one group. The older lady said, "Well, I'm sorry, but I don't trust any of them!" (Meaning Muslims) the other passenger agreed. I didn't know what else to say.

 

Bless you, Emma, for being gracious and praying for this woman who was so uncharitable toward you.

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Laurie4b

Laurie4b

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I'm sorry that that happened to you. It's not a "minor"  thing to be treated like that, especially when you are in the minority and people who associate themselves with your religion are evoking horror that has nothing to do with you but you get identified with it no matter how much you oppose it. I would guess that the experience was both demeaning and frightening at some level and I hate it that your kids witnessed it. 

 

In my opinion, she doesn't sound mentally normal; something sounds off. She doesn't present like the typical bigot who would just taunt a person.  I would guess there is some mental illness going on there or at least the loss of social inhibitions, possibly age related.

 

I would also caution people that other denominations besides Catholic cross themselves and some nonchurchgoers do as well.  We don't really know the religion of the woman. 

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Tanaqui

Tanaqui

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I spoke up and said that there are extremists in every religion, nationality, etc., and that you can't lump everyone into one group. The older lady said, "Well, I'm sorry, but I don't trust any of them!" (Meaning Muslims) the other passenger agreed. I didn't know what else to say.

 

You could point out that that's like assuming all Catholics like to diddle kiddies because a small percentage of Catholic priests did. But maybe that would be better when you're not trapped in a car.

 

I'm appalled. Bigotry was such a big front-and-centre deal in the U.S. just such a little while ago (in the civil rights movement) I was sort of under the impression that lessons had been learned, progress made, lies disproven, behaviours identified... It's so odd just to hear this happening.

 

It would be nice if things worked like that, wouldn't it? That we always made an uphill journey and never any backsliding and once we "learned our lesson" about $BADTHING we never ever did it again?

 

Sadly, it doesn't. And I want to drive that point home because over time I'm becoming more and more convinced that a sort of complacency regarding racism or sexism or whatnot is what puts us more at risk for it happening again. There are always Death Eaters among us, waiting to strike. CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

 

To the OP, I'm really sorry that happened to you. I hope that horrible old jerkface gets into some minor accident that could have been serious and has to be treated by a Muslim doctor - though I pity that poor doctor!

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Um_2_4

Um_2_4

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Salam Emma, Sorry I know how you feel. I thought living in a more diverse area would make those comments occur less often, but nope.

 

As far as saying it in Arabic, I do the same thing to some non-Arabic friends and totally do not realize it till later. Some have gotten used to it  :laugh: .

 

RE: another posters comment about WHO makes most of those comments, I found the opposite of what your friend's experience. I used to travel into the center of Compton (East LA) with no problems/comments/rudeness. Out of the over dozen experiences I have personally had with comments/verbal attacks/rudeness, all but 1 of them were instigated by immigrants themselves (all Asian or Hispanic). Only 1 time was it a Caucasian. My friend who was physically attacked (her scarf ripped off and beaten with fists) was by an older (40+) hispanic woman. I think this may vary more by location versus groups.

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idnib

idnib

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If I can, I say, "I like (the color of, the flowers on, the way you wrap) your scarf," but then I always wonder if I am calling it the right thing. Oh well, I figure they know what I am talking about when I say scarf, right? (Please say right so I don't feel totally stupid. :p)

 

Scarf is fine.  :)

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kroe1

kroe1

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Showing anger only fuels hatred more, even though the OP certainly has a reason to be angry. Just a gracious response is all one can do. With enough gracious responses, the parking lot commentator may get over her fear.

 

What I find interesting about this decade is we purport to practice tolerance, yet there are so many more appearance defined groups finding themselves shunned, I.e. denim skirt wearing moms out with 7+ children, Muslim attired women, young men in hoodies or low riding britches, the black clothing adorned overly pierced person, etc. The more tolerance is taught, it seems the narrower society becomes with any deviations from the masses. The deviants are subject to public ridicule. This is most likely due to people being more openly verbal perhaps rather than more intolerance, but I really don't know. Social graces of "just keep walking and do not stare" seem to be going by the wayside.

 

What is even more interesting to me is that those shunned in one decade become the standard in the next. The floozy of the fifties with the low cut top is now the majority. The red striped hair of the nineties got some pretty weird stares, yet is highly sought after now. The long haired freaky men of the early sixties were the forerunners to the longer hair styles of the seventies. Tattooed embossed arms got some eyelift stares not too long ago, while a first tattoo seems a rite of passage this decade.

 

Let's just hope the denim skirt makes another whopping comeback as nothing really makes a louder swooping sound than thighs brushing against starched blues. Lol.

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creekland

creekland

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Wow so many replies. And so quickly. I'm so grateful for the hugs and sympathy. And for the voice of reason! I feel better already.

 

To add another option to what might be going on...

 

My MIL has dementia of some sort - Alzheimers is a good guess.  NOW she is older and looks ill, so inappropriate things she says aren't taken internally as much, but she lost her filter long before she reached this point.

 

There was a time I was walking with her into a grocery store when she saw a lady coming toward us and loudly stated, "Wow!  That woman is thin.  It sure looks like she needs groceries, doesn't it?"  I wish I could have crawled into a hole, but all I really could do is slow up a step or two and whisper "sorry" to the lady.  She'll focus on someone in a restaurant and say, "Why are they staring at me?"  Well MIL, they weren't, but they are now (sigh).  She's open about her thoughts about everyone.  In many places she'll count the minorities there - out loud - though not as loud as in the other situations.  Fortunately, where she lives she's known and the VAST majority of those who deal with her daily (all races) are so nice to her it's a tear-jerker.  Those folks have my utmost respect and if we were able to afford 10K tips, they'd be in line to get them from us.  Still, I feel for those who are just passing through and overhear her rants.

 

My MIL is EXTREMELY racist and prejudiced and it has only gotten worse with her disease.  I used to try to change her mind.  It's pointless now (though I'll still admit to trying once in a while - mainly to keep my sanity).  But still, her filter is lost with everyone.  The specific people in the two examples above were both white females, but it didn't matter.  What she actually says can vary based upon skin color or clothing or hair length or tattoos or, well, anything she sees, but she's an equal opportunity criticizer.

 

What happened to you WAS nasty, inappropriate, and just plain uninformed, but it might not REALLY have been you.  It could easily have been an inappropriate upbringing coupled with a disease.

 

The little bit of good news?  My MIL's racism and prejudice is dying with her.  Neither of her two sons have inherited it in spite of being brought up with it.  My BIL has even adopted a bi-racial son (VERY irritating to her, of course).  My kids take the online prejudice test and come up nil.

 

We can hope we're not unusual in this.  And we can keep educating the next generation.

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mommaduck

mommaduck

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Today a lady walked past me in the supermarket car park making the sign of the cross over herself as obviously as possible. Whilst in earshot of me she said "may the good Lord protect me".

 

Why???

 

Because I am obviously Muslim. Today I am wearing a pretty floral abaya (long dress), a peach hijab and orange shoes. I am accompanied by my two littlest people ages 5 and 2. I think I look quite friendly, and quite normal.

 

 

I asked her how could she be so rude and she replied I should think about all those things "I" have done in the Middle East. For goodness sake. I told her to go home and read her bible so she could learn how to be a real Christian.

 

But now I'm angry. Because she was so ignorant and bigoted. Because I didn't do very much to teach her that Muslims in general really aren't that bad. Because some idiots calling themselves Muslim do things so that all of Islam gets a bad name. I wish I had just ignored her instead of wasting so much brain space..... Sigh

 

Sweetie, just know that there are those of us that cross ourselves that would react entirely different than her. In fact, some of my Orthodox sisters even wear hijab and abaya ;) (in fact, they would demand a picture of yours LOL!). Some people are just ignorant and you have to pray for them.

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Lisbeth

Lisbeth

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I think she is a fraud. If she thought you were truly a dangerous person, enough to warrant her crossing herself for protection, she would avoid you, not try to provoke you. She saw an easy target in a Muslim mom with kids on which to make a political point.

As a Mormon, I can tell you people do the same to us. We are seen as mild and nice, and so it is safe to make a very insulting broadway play about us without fear of much fuss from us.

Bunch of cowards. Don't let those types get you down. They are bullies.

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