BarbecueMom Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 DH and I have been together since our mid-teens, almost 16 years now. Married for 10 years. We met in high school marching band, and also went to the same college, where I majored in music. That said, am I weird in that I want to keep my music playlists private? I don't like listening to favorite songs when he's around. I don't really want to share a Spotify account. I don't want him or anyone else to know what songs I have listened to. It feels awkward and uncomfortable, like he's thinking, "Gee what was going on in her head to make her want to listen to that song!" I don't have to wonder with DH, he just plays the same band's entire collection on loop. I have to share pretty much everything else in my life, but music is the one thing I'd rather keep private. Normal or weird? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 I would feel the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 i don't think it's weird. If music is really important to you, I can see how you might feel people who knew that and were important to you were judging you based on your listening choices. I think it's fine to keep it private. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 I find that kind of odd. Music is a social activity in my world. Something you listen to with others or put on in the background while others are around and talk over. (My husband, who likes actually listenin to classical, sometimes finds this annoying. we work it out) 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 It's not something that bothers me, but I don't think it's odd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 Yes, I think it's weird. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 Kind of weird. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeindeed Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 I don't care if people know what songs I enjoy, but I don't think you're weird, either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbecueMom Posted May 1, 2015 Author Share Posted May 1, 2015 For those of you that vote weird (or not, guess we can all play), do songs ever affect you? Say, can a certain song make you nauseous and shaky, even if it doesn't remind you of anything? Or on the opposite end, do you ever just want to listen to one or two songs over and over and can't switch to anything else? I tend to have pretty strong reactions to music. I wonder if this is part of my issue. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 For those of you that vote weird (or not, guess we can all play), do songs ever affect you? Say, can a certain song make you nauseous and shaky, even if it doesn't remind you of anything? Or on the opposite end, do you ever just want to listen to one or two songs over and over and can't switch to anything else? I tend to have pretty strong reactions to music. I wonder if this is part of my issue. I know what you mean, and I'm the same way. You're not weird. :) Or we both are! I have some music we all listen to together, some I only listen to alone. But DH here is the same way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 Certain songs make me cry or feel happy, and I am a song repeater. Has your DH commented negatively on your musical preferences before? DH and I don't have the same taste in music, but we're pretty open about what we like and don't like, sometimes to the point of teasing. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 I think it's a little weird. Dh and I like some of the same music, but we have a lot of differences, too. His tastes are probably more "indie" and I'm more eclectic and all over the map. We've both introduced the other to songs and bands we wouldn't have known about otherwise. I like him to hear songs that really affect me. Sometimes he just smiles and nods :001_smile: . I have strong reactions to music. Tearing up during my kid's piano lesson when that certain note is hit? Yeah, that's me. We both like driving alone so we can blast the stuff we like, but I don't feel protective of *my* music. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 I don't want to offend you--but yes, I think it's weird to keep music private. Dreams, fantasies, maybe not. But music...yeah. Sorry. Music affects me strongly, too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 .. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 I've never thought about it! I don't guess there are any songs or artists I like that I would mind my husband hearing. We like some of the same music, and there are some things he likes that I can't stand, and vice versa. We don't listen to those together. But, mostly, I don't mind him knowing what I listen to. I have noticed that he is much more album-oriented than I am. I like mixed-up playlists with a little of everything (and so do our kids), while he prefers to listen to whole albums. This can make road trips a little difficult at times. :lol: ETA: I never did say - I don't think it's weird. You want privacy, you should have privacy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 What is weird for me is not weird for you and vice versa. I don't keep my music private. However, my dh has told me he strongly prefers it if I keep my *singing* of music private. :glare: 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melbotoast Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 I vote normal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 I think it's unusual, but not unreasonable. We all have our things. Many people hate for someone to read over their shoulder. I can see this as the musical equivalent. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 I don't necessarily feel that way about my music, but I'm more that way about other things. I don't think it's weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 Do you think its because the songs are special to you that you want to keep them to yourself or Do you think its because you will feel "judged" by your dh for your choices? dh and I share music, but we don't share TV shows. i actually really enjoy some shows he considers trite.... so its just easier to watch them when he's not around. i enjoy them more, and he isn't annoyed by them. (classical art is like that, too. i love it, he doesn't, we go to galleries occasionally together, but if i want to truly appreciate the art, I go on my own.) fwiw, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 I totally get it. I'm not that way about music, but I read a lot and rather eclectically. DH will walk by and say, "What are you reading?" I show the book's cover. Then he wants more on what the book is about, and I get very terse. Why do I have to explain what I'm reading? But why should it matter? Weird. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 I don't feel that way about music, but I don't think it's weird that you do. Music clearly is more than background noise to you. It's more like sharing a journal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ali in OR Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 I'll go with weird. :001_smile: Our oldest is severely disabled--mostly blind as part of that. Music has always had a calming effect on her. I would say we've usually had background music playing for the last 18 years. Some of it kid stuff, some of it stuff we like that we wanted to make sure she liked too (eg Diana Krall). Now she has very eclectic tastes. I love that different teachers and aides have shared their music with her and she has then introduced it to us. Her middle school teacher gave us a CD of her "17 favorites" and that has become part of our family music. That's how we were introduced to Adele. And a few country songs! Her high school aide has made sure she knows Michael Jackson and Elvis. And Josh Groban. So around these parts music is to be shared. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbecueMom Posted May 2, 2015 Author Share Posted May 2, 2015 I don't feel that way about music, but I don't think it's weird that you do. Music clearly is more than background noise to you. It's more like sharing a journal. Yes, that's exactly what it's like, sharing a journal. I don't mind telling him about a new song I heard or hearing it on the radio together, but having DH turn on my personal playlist instead of one of the generic ones we normally listen to or Pandora caught me off guard. It was like walking into a room while someone was reading your diary aloud. He was confused as to why I have an issue with it. Heck, I'm confused as to why I have an issue with it! We listen to the same kind of music mostly, so it's not a mismatch in preferences. Just one of my weird quirks, I guess. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 Yes, that's exactly what it's like, sharing a journal. I don't mind telling him about a new song I heard or hearing it on the radio together, but having DH turn on my personal playlist instead of one of the generic ones we normally listen to or Pandora caught me off guard. It was like walking into a room while someone was reading your diary aloud. He was confused as to why I have an issue with it. Heck, I'm confused as to why I have an issue with it! We listen to the same kind of music mostly, so it's not a mismatch in preferences. Just one of my weird quirks, I guess. I see what you mean a little more now and I understand better. Some things are just more personal than others. And we all have our quirks, don't we? :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 For those of you that vote weird (or not, guess we can all play), do songs ever affect you? Say, can a certain song make you nauseous and shaky, even if it doesn't remind you of anything? Or on the opposite end, do you ever just want to listen to one or two songs over and over and can't switch to anything else? I tend to have pretty strong reactions to music. I wonder if this is part of my issue. I have strong reactions, but never nauseous and shaky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 To me it's a bit weird. I can be strongly affected by music, I have been known to play songs over and over, but I don't get nauseous or shaky. Maybe I'm listening to the wrong music. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 I have to share pretty much everything else in my life, but music is the one thing I'd rather keep private. Normal or weird? It does sound kind of weird to me, but I also think everyone has their own quirks. This is yours. If you were my spouse, I'd be amused. You said you share pretty much everything else, so it's not like you are trying to keep/create a distance. It's just your "thing." :) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 I think it's just fine to keep your playlists private, but unless you have experience with your dh judging you based on your listening preferences in the past I find it odd that you would worry about that. Aside from some agreed upon family standards with regard to lyrics and such, it wouldn't occur to me to worry about what a family member is listening to. Well, maybe if they were listening to stuff that made me concerned for their mental health. Not sure what that would be but, say, songs about life not being worth living or something. But if there were serious mental health stuff going on I would likely have picked up other clues and would be worried already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 Music can make me feel nauseous if it is something I heard a lot when I was suffering from morning sickness. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocolatechip Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 Yeah, sorry, that's definitely weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 DH and I have been together since our mid-teens, almost 16 years now. Married for 10 years. We met in high school marching band, and also went to the same college, where I majored in music. That said, am I weird in that I want to keep my music playlists private? I don't like listening to favorite songs when he's around. I don't really want to share a Spotify account. I don't want him or anyone else to know what songs I have listened to. It feels awkward and uncomfortable, like he's thinking, "Gee what was going on in her head to make her want to listen to that song!" I don't have to wonder with DH, he just plays the same band's entire collection on loop. I have to share pretty much everything else in my life, but music is the one thing I'd rather keep private. Normal or weird? I feel exactly the same way. This is not a sign of normality, I'm afraid, but at least we both know we're not alone :) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MFG Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 I am an introvert with a fairly large zone of privacy so I think anyone is entitled to keep private whatever aspect of herself she wishes. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 Weird, but who cares? We're all entitled to our little eccentricties! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tm919 Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 It's not weird to me. I don't mind my husband knowing what I listen to (I'm not that emotionally invested in it) but it stresses me out when he asks, "What are you reading?" Books are an emotional resource that allows me to reemerge from a tough week as a functioning human being. I imagine if it were music, or art, or time with friends, I'd get just as stressed. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 I'm that way with what I'm reading, but not music. Just because something is going on in your head doesn't mean you're obligated to share it. It would be weirder to pressure you into broadcasting your playlist. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellydon Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 I think it is really weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pegs Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 I have in the past felt intruded upon when people have scrolled through my iPod or similar. I'm a very private person, and though I love to share music with others, both listening and performing, I do feel that some playlists are almost like a journal to me. I would feel similarly if someone were to browse my kindle titles, examine my bookshelves, or view my browsing history. Not because I read or listen to anything particularly weird or embarrassing, either. I just feel vulnerable having so much information about my musical and literary tastes on display, I guess. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 I think it's kinda weird. But at the same time, I have weird things I want to keep private. My husband (for all his many good qualities) is very negative and critical. It's gotten to the point that I assume he sees something in a negative light and is quietly judging me when he watches me do something. Add in that we have completely different tastes in music, and we never listen to music together. Which is a drag. I love music and play it a lot when he's not around. So yeah, even though I think it's weird, I can also understand it. :) Basically, if you want to keep it to yourself, then do. It really shouldn't be that big a deal either way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 Since you asked, weird. My husband & I have different musical tastes. Sometimes I wonder why he likes some songs, sometimes I ask him, sometimes I don't. We're just different and that's fine. Just because he might wonder about my likes/dislikes doesn't mean anything, it isn't disrespectful, we have been married quite a long time now and are totally comfortable asking or not asking questions as the situation may arise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMJ Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 DH and I have been together since our mid-teens, almost 16 years now. Married for 10 years. We met in high school marching band, and also went to the same college, where I majored in music. That said, am I weird in that I want to keep my music playlists private? I don't like listening to favorite songs when he's around. I don't really want to share a Spotify account. I don't want him or anyone else to know what songs I have listened to. It feels awkward and uncomfortable, like he's thinking, "Gee what was going on in her head to make her want to listen to that song!" I don't have to wonder with DH, he just plays the same band's entire collection on loop. I have to share pretty much everything else in my life, but music is the one thing I'd rather keep private. Normal or weird? There are some people for whom music is a mostly enjoyable noise to have on while they think about or do other things. My DH seems to be one of these. There are others for whom music cannot be ignored, has meaning, and it can be very, very personal. I am one of these, and it sounds like you are, too. This is not weird. It just is what it is. DH learned over time that I really do have trouble concentrating on anything (other than physical tasks that take little to no thought) if there is a soundtrack playing, and most of the time he willingly keeps things turned off when I need to think or analyze. He understands if I need to escape a family gathering where music has been playing for a while (I get noised out -- literally), and my kids and DH all have headphones they routinely use for my benefit (with limitations on max volume rigidly adhered to). He also understands that I am particular about the music I like, and will allow me the opportunity to be by myself if I want when I want to listen to my own selections. Sometimes I can listen to the same piece over and over again, because I keep hearing something more, something further, with each repeat. Exploring those depths is hard to do when interruptions keep interfering. Sometimes I'm just on overload, and I need a chance to work through some emotions, and the music is the catalyst that allows me to feel they are expressed, but without hurting anyone else's feelings. Sometimes no one else wants to listen to what I want to listen to. DH doesn't do well in physical crowds. I don't handle auditory crowds well. These are simply elements of our personalities, and we accommodate these for ourselves and each other daily. Wanting to keep one's musical selections private? Not weird at all. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 Not my music, books or Netflix list. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMJ Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 For those of you that vote weird (or not, guess we can all play), do songs ever affect you? Say, can a certain song make you nauseous and shaky, even if it doesn't remind you of anything? Or on the opposite end, do you ever just want to listen to one or two songs over and over and can't switch to anything else? I tend to have pretty strong reactions to music. I wonder if this is part of my issue. I can have very strong reactions to music. After my brother died I broke down crying in a grocery store check-out lane when his favorite band came on. I discovered my most favorite musician (George Winston) when I was in an emotional turmoil and stepped into a shop to kill a few minutes one day and the perfect piece of music to match what I was feeling happened to be playing right then. Rhapsody In Blue and anything by Marvin Hammlisch immediately bring my mother to mind. Music got my sanity and me through the insomnia I had for a while a few years ago. I also found that venue can matter quite a lot. I don't go to many concerts, but there is a place near us, a small venue with amazing acoustics, where I will go when someone I really like is playing. I have found that when the right music is played there the tinnitus I have suffered from for 20 years is buried for a while, giving me some very precious relief. This only happens with some pieces, and only if the acoustics are right and the volume isn't blaringly high. I am familiar with all of what you mentioned, and I've met plenty of other people for whom music is much more than pleasant noise, too. Nothing weird about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMJ Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 I've never thought about it! I don't guess there are any songs or artists I like that I would mind my husband hearing. We like some of the same music, and there are some things he likes that I can't stand, and vice versa. We don't listen to those together. But, mostly, I don't mind him knowing what I listen to. I have noticed that he is much more album-oriented than I am. I like mixed-up playlists with a little of everything (and so do our kids), while he prefers to listen to whole albums. This can make road trips a little difficult at times. :lol: ETA: I never did say - I don't think it's weird. You want privacy, you should have privacy! My DH is the scramble kind, and I'm the album-lover. To me albums are very often specific works in themselves, telling a further story beyond just the individual songs. Listening in order makes a lot of sense to me, especially when one short track is intended to be a prelude to another piece. Neither piece by itself feels complete. DH, therefore, rarely scramble-plays my favorite musician, because he knows it drives me nuts when that happens with those pieces. For road trips we typically listen to audio books. No one bickers or complains, as we all get sucked into the story, even if we have heard it all before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMJ Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 What is weird for me is not weird for you and vice versa. I don't keep my music private. However, my dh has told me he strongly prefers it if I keep my *singing* of music private. :glare: :iagree: Exactly. Imagine how boring the world would be if we were all the same. I would like this post if I hadn't used up my quota of likes late last night! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMJ Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 I totally get it. I'm not that way about music, but I read a lot and rather eclectically. DH will walk by and say, "What are you reading?" I show the book's cover. Then he wants more on what the book is about, and I get very terse. Why do I have to explain what I'm reading? But why should it matter? Weird. Consider this liked, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMJ Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 I don't feel that way about music, but I don't think it's weird that you do. Music clearly is more than background noise to you. It's more like sharing a journal. Like! And full agreement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 No, I don't think it's weird. You clearly have an intense and personal relationship with music, and it's completely understandable that you want the option to have something in your life that is private and just for you. I don't happen to believe that being married requires a person to share every shred of herself with another human being. You get to choose what you give to your mate and when and how you give it. There is some music I really only enjoy listening to when I'm alone. I used to love to go to the movies alone, because it left me free to experience the film -- with snacks I could choose without discussion -- without having to worry about the reactions of the other person. I could choose to see any film I wanted, without apology or explanation. I didn't have to even think about whether the person I was with was enjoying the movie or "getting it." I didn't have to be aware of whether he or she was restless or sleepy or upset . . . I could just have the experience. And, as others have said, there are certain books that I want the freedom to lose myself in without needing to discuss or explain them to anyone else. Art is kind of a big deal to me. I completely understand wanting to be able to keep some things private if and when you choose to do so. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMJ Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 No, I don't think it's weird. You clearly have an intense and personal relationship with music, and it's completely understandable that you want the option to have something in your life that is private and just for you. I don't happen to believe that being married requires a person to share every shred of herself with another human being. You get to choose what you give to your mate and when and how you give it. There is some music I really only enjoy listening to when I'm alone. I used to love to go to the movies alone, because it left me free to experience the film -- with snacks I could choose without discussion -- without having to worry about the reactions of the other person. I could choose to see any film I wanted, without apology or explanation. I didn't have to even think about whether the person I was with was enjoying the movie or "getting it." I didn't have to be aware of whether he or she was restless or sleepy or upset . . . I could just have the experience. And, as others have said, there are certain books that I want the freedom to lose myself in without needing to discuss or explain them to anyone else. Art is kind of a big deal to me. I completely understand wanting to be able to keep some things private if and when you choose to do so. Exactly, me, too (see bolded). I used to do a lot of things by myself, and I enjoyed my own company thoroughly. Now I have a family and I tend to do nearly everything with someone else, but sometimes I just need some time alone, not necessarily to do anything or keep anything a secret, but because I miss spending some time with myself. There are some shows I will only watch when I can watch alone, so I don't have to explain what's going on or why I want to watch that. My aunt loved rush hour, because it was the only time in the day she had to herself. All of the rest of the time she was either taking care of spouse or family or family needs or volunteering -- the time spent "stuck" in traffic was her quiet time, her chance to be alone and simply reflect. I have found that sometimes it is enough to simply get a moment or two of alone time, that the duration of just a few paragraphs of preferred reading or just one or two musical pieces listened to in private can refresh me and keep me going. My SIL claims hers by taking a bath. I find my tub to be not so comfy and don't like being so wet in our hot and humid environment, so I look for my moments elsewhere. Playlists can be personal, like diaries and journals. Sometimes we share, and sometimes we don't, but we choose what and when. I share a lot of what's going on in these threads with DH, but he doesn't know my password and cannot read my entries unless I let him. He doesn't want to and isn't all that interested, and he's fine with me having this source and outlet, but even if he weren't he wouldn't have a say in the matter. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mellifera33 Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 I don't think it's weird. I see music as being intensely personal, and I can conjure up feelings of different times in my life by listening to the music I listened to at the time. I like to keep my nostalgia private. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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