How do you help an adult who has an odd speech habit?

[Tap]

There is an adult in my life that seems to think he/she needs to give analogies for concepts, even if the person he/she is talking to understands the topic. I think it is just a bad habit on their part, most likely because they are a corporate trainer.  What do I say to help them break the habit? 

 

 

I have mentioned it to the person that he/she doesn't need to give analogies all the time. I tried to tell them that it makes me feel like he/she thinks I don't understand the basic concepts we are discussing, since they need to explain everything in multiple forms. He/she says that I only want information from him/her in the most brief/succinct form and I don't want to have a conversation with him.her.  (? no, I just want to discuss the real topic not a made up one.) So, I have been trying to just listen to the analogies with out comment, but it makes the conversation so very long and boring to listen to them explain a situation, and then give a 3-4 minute analogy for the same situation, that I already understand perfectly clear.

 

 I am certain, that I am not giving mixed signals on my understanding of the topic, it is often quite simple concepts.

 

What can I say to help break this habit, but not hurt the person's feelings? (Which I know I did the first time I brought it up)  

 

 

Example:

 

This person called me tonight and was telling me that they were getting frustrated with their work place because the company was running short on widgets that needed to be delivered every day to customers. The company wasn't ordering enough widgets so the employee would have to take one load to the customer on Monday and then wait for the company to get more in stock , to make a second trip back to the same customer Friday to complete the order.   We were discussing how it was expensive for the company to pay for double work to sell the same amount of items, time consuming for the employee, expensive due to gas and wear/tear on the vehicles, and looked bad to the customer.  Customers on under contract for a certain amount of items, so the company doesn't need to worry about the customer changing their mind. The manager admits they are just pride themselves on being so cheap, as to not want to have a whole weeks inventory on hand at all times. This is an international company, not a small mom and pop operation with limited funds.

 

Then they go into a long analogy of running out of gas on the freeway because the driver was too cheap to buy enough gas to get to the destination.   :banghead: Why do I need an analogy? If it was just a sentence or two that would be fine, but they will go back through the entire conversation, making all the details fit the analogy. It can take several minutes for them to explain it, by then I am ready to hang up the phone. 

[hornblower]

I don't think you can fix this.
This isn't a speech habit so much as a boring droning person who over explains & goes on & on & on. I think we all have one of these in our lives....

[Arcadia]

My dad who is a retired teacher does that. I call it an occupational hazard. It is hard over the phone but in person, my mom and I have manage to firmly tell him we get the message and fhere is no need to explain in 101 ways. It took more than a decade of blunt reminders though.

[Tap]

I don't think you can fix this.

This isn't a speech habit so much as a boring droning person who over explains & goes on & on & on. I think we all have one of these in our lives....

LOL Much like my own post.  LOL   :biggrinjester:

[OneStepAtATime]

I agree.  There is probably no fixing this.  You tried to explain your viewpoint and they got hurt and disagreed.  This is part of who they are and how they communicate.  If this were your child you might try some different ways to approach the topic and try steering them in a different direction.  But with an adult friend?  Nope.  I don't think you can do much at this point.  You MIGHT try broaching the subject again, but honestly I think that will just upset them.  

[Kiara.I]

Gently...

It's not your job to fix habits in other adults.

 

Best you can do is interrupt and say, "Yes, I do understand, you're saying x, y, z."  But really, you're dealing with someone who *wants* to talk it out, out loud, with another person.  That's what they want.  So by trying to stop them, it really *does* feel to them like you're not interested in conversing with them.

[Hkpiano]

My grandma used to do something similar. I still remember the day she was taking my sister and me out for lunch and felt the need to explain in detail how tacos are made. We were both teenagers and had already told her that yes, we had eaten tacos before. We attributed it to her being a second grade teacher for years. No advice for you though, in her case we just listened and giggled about it later to each other.

[Scarlett]

When I first met my husband....I had a friend ask his sister about him. She said,"is there anything terrible scarlett should know about him?". Sister thinks and then says, "he tells really lomg stories." My friend says,"that's it? That's the worst thing about him?" Sister says, "you don't understand, they are really looooong stories".

 

:). And it is true. Sometimes it is maddening and I have to say, " ok dh. I don't have to know the last name of the guy on the job from 30 years ago back in CA for you to finish this story. "

 

I heart him. :). I feel your pain though.

[Joules]

Probably not something to fix, it just sounds like this person's conversation style. I have people in my life that tell looong stories and a couple that tell the same stories over and over (both elderly). The choices are nod and smile (or the phone equivalant "mmm-hmm" while you fold laundry or wash dishes) or cut down conversation with the person. You can either always have something to do in five minutes or just limit them to once a week.

 

On the flip side, I have had someone comment on my conversation style. I tried really hard, but honestly, it's not much of a relaxed, friendly conversation if you have to be aware of and careful with every phrase or example. So the conversations became more professional where we just said what needed to be said and hung up. It's really hard to be good friends with someone if they grate on your nerves or vice-versa.

[DawnM]

I am a "get to the point" kind of person, so people like this make me absolutely crazy.

 

 

[Hkpiano]

On the flip side, I have had someone comment on my conversation style. I tried really hard, but honestly, it's not much of a relaxed, friendly conversation if you have to be aware of and careful with every phrase or example. So the conversations became more professional where we just said what needed to be said and hung up. It's really hard to be good friends with someone if they grate on your nerves or vice-versa.

I think this is right on. Some people just don't click, and although I respect kind, constructive criticism when I know the person loves me and we have a long-standing relationship, criticizing someone's conversational style is very personal and can damage the relationship irreparably. I know for me, unless this was someone I was really close to and they did it in a thoughtful, tactful way, I would probably just find another friend who enjoyed conversing with me!

[Word Nerd]

It sounds like the analogies are for the speaker's benefit, not yours, and this is how they process information. Maybe it would be less annoying if you didn't take it personally?

 

Have you tried interrupting and changing the subject or saying you're sorry but you need to go? It isn't polite to cut someone off, but sometimes it's necessary with people who just won't stop talking.

[Laurie4b]

With regard to the analogies, you are dealing with a concrete thinker. That's the way we think and express our thoughts. It doesn't mean that we think the other person is stupid. It's the way we relate to the world. However, because being able to use concrete metaphors comes easily to us and often helps people to grasp new concepts, being a concrete thinker is very helpful in teaching/training professions.

 

You are apparently not a concrete thinker. I hope that you can find a way to appreciate one another. Perhaps if you don't take the interpretation that his use of analogies means that he thinks you're stupid, it will help.

 

It also sounds like the person is verbally processing with you. Some people don't know what they think until they've talked through it. If this is someone close to you, I'd just try to change the subject when you get tired of it, or just say that you need to talk about something else for a while.

[Amy in NH]

It sounds like the analogies are for the speaker's benefit, not yours, and this is how they process information. Maybe it would be less annoying if you didn't take it personally?

 

Have you tried interrupting and changing the subject or saying you're sorry but you need to go? It isn't polite to cut someone off, but sometimes it's necessary with people who just won't stop talking.

 

:iagree: That's what I was going to suggest.

 

If they keep blathering on it's not really a conversation any more.  I'd just say, "Sorry, gotta go!  Nice chatting with you!" and hang up.

[TechWife]

Gently...

It's not your job to fix habits in other adults.

 

 

 

:iagree:

Unless the person has asked for your help, then it isn't any of your concern - boundaries and all that. 

[J-rap]

I wouldn't try and fix another adult's speech habits, except maybe my husband's.  :)  (And even then I wouldn't really expect to fix them, just to call them to his attention.  And, I would hope he'd do the same for me.)

 

I do have a good friend similar to this, though not quite in the same way.  I deal with it by not talking with her on the phone anymore! ha :)  She just doesn't seem to "get" that her one-sided conversations go on and on and on.  But, she is actually one of my closest friends!  We really enjoy each other, but we need to be together in person DOING something, and then conversation is more normal.  (We'll often get together to hike, cross country ski, walk dogs, picnic, etc.)  But if the attention is ENTIRELY on the conversation (which really only happens if its over the phone), that's when it becomes more of an endless story. 

 

[KungFuPanda]

Ugh. An Overexplainer. I have a friend like that. I made it a drinking game. If we were on the phone I'd tell her, "I'm taking a drink now." She no longer over-explaines things to me. There's also retaliation. Plan your story and have a looooong analogy (or two) prepared as follow up. See how your friend reacts to being on the other side of a pointless analogy.

[KungFuPanda]

With regard to the analogies, you are dealing with a concrete thinker. That's the way we think and express our thoughts. It doesn't mean that we think the other person is stupid. It's the way we relate to the world. However, because being able to use concrete metaphors comes easily to us and often helps people to grasp new concepts, being a concrete thinker is very helpful in teaching/training professions.

 

You are apparently not a concrete thinker. I hope that you can find a way to appreciate one another. Perhaps if you don't take the interpretation that his use of analogies means that he thinks you're stupid, it will help.

 

It also sounds like the person is verbally processing with you. Some people don't know what they think until they've talked through it. If this is someone close to you, I'd just try to change the subject when you get tired of it, or just say that you need to talk about something else for a while.

WHY would you explain anything AGAIN if you know your listener understood the first time? That's maddening. I've left a class over this teaching style before. EVERYONE understood the information. There was obvious visual feedback to show the teacher that everyone understood. However, it was her habit to explaining things three times. It was torture.

[Tap]

When I first met my husband....I had a friend ask his sister about him. She said,"is there anything terrible scarlett should know about him?". Sister thinks and then says, "he tells really lomg stories." My friend says,"that's it? That's the worst thing about him?" Sister says, "you don't understand, they are really looooong stories".

 

:). And it is true. Sometimes it is maddening and I have to say, " ok dh. I don't have to know the last name of the guy on the job from 30 years ago back in CA for you to finish this story. "

 

I heart him. :). I feel your pain though.

OMG!  The tangents!  The rabbit trails!  It is exhausting!  

 

This person has ADD and when they are off their meds it can take forever to get a simple yes/no answer,  without first going through a 5 minute explanation.

[Tsuga]

WHY would you explain anything AGAIN if you know your listener understood the first time? That's maddening. I've left a class over this teaching style before. EVERYONE understood the information. There was obvious visual feedback to show the teacher that everyone understood. However, it was her habit to explaining things three times. It was torture.

You don't know that. I've had people come up to me after a lecture and thank me for explaining things and say they were afraid to ask questions because they didn't want to be thought stupid. Particularly in a class setting, one explains for those ones, not the ones who clearly get it. And the lost ones had been nodding with the group all along. But I can see the lost looks.

 

Especially because you know it's torture for the rest of the class, no student wants to admit they don't get it. Especially after one smartass yells for the whole group, "We get it!"

 

Is anyone really going to say, "Not me. One more example please."

 

Re:OP... Sounds like you don't enjoy this person's company. I am sorry to hear that but understand.

[Scarlett]

OMG! The tangents! The rabbit trails! It is exhausting!

 

This person has ADD and when they are off their meds it can take forever to get a simple yes/no answer, without first going through a 5 minute explanation.

Yep. I know I can tell long stories too.....I give word for word narratives....I take a while to get to the point.....But other times I am very much direct......if I call dh during the day it is for a reason. Usually the same for him. But he will call me up and use about 6 sentences of politeness before saying, hey, I forgot my laptop can you bring it to me. Arregggg!

 

If I had been in his shoes the first words I said would have been, "I forgot my lap top,can you please bring it to me?"

 

Oh well, we all have our quirks I guess and have to live with each other.

[Scarlett]

Ugh. An Overexplainer. I have a friend like that. I made it a drinking game. If we were on the phone I'd tell her, "I'm taking a drink now." She no longer over-explaines things to me. There's also retaliation. Plan your story and have a looooong analogy (or two) prepared as follow up. See how your friend reacts to being on the other side of a pointless analogy.

Omg, I am so doing this with my dh.

[Tap]

Instead of quoting a bunch of people, I will just respond here in one post.

 

I agree that it isn't my issue to fix.

I also agree that one way to resolve it is to just get off the phone (which honestly is what I did last night).

 

The problem, is that this person travels for work sometimes, and gets really bored in the hotel room.  They will call me to let me know how the day went, but then they start with the analogies.  I don't mind talking to them, I enjoy it for the most part, but I hate it when the analogies or examples start. Last night, after the first analogy started,  I threw the person on speaker phone and went to do something else until they were finished with it.    When they started telling me another story about an example they gave to someone else, I interrupted and said I had to get off the phone.  This was the second drawn out analogy in 10 minutes of conversation. 

 

The person is getting lonely in the hotel room, so they are trying to call more often, which I don't mind.  If we are talking about real events and not made up stories that are similar to the real event.   They had commented on the fact that I wasn't talking to them as much as I used to, so that is why I brought it up in the first place.   So, yes it is not my issue to fix, but I don't want to be dishonest with them about why I am cutting our conversations short all the time.  

[Mbelle]

I went to a church where the preacher did this.  Make a point then give 3-5 examples.  Seriously, thought I was going to loose my mind.  I used to pray for very hard for the sermon to end. LOL 

[lllll]

..

[Pen]

 He/she says that I only want information from him/her in the most brief/succinct form and I don't want to have a conversation with him.her.

 

 

Maybe that's true.   ?

 

Do you get to talk about what is of interest to you in your life?

 

Do you have any mutual interests to talk about?

[Hkpiano]

Yep. I know I can tell long stories too.....I give word for word narratives....I take a while to get to the point.....But other times I am very much direct......if I call dh during the day it is for a reason. Usually the same for him. But he will call me up and use about 6 sentences of politeness before saying, hey, I forgot my laptop can you bring it to me. Arregggg!

 

If I had been in his shoes the first words I said would have been, "I forgot my lap top,can you please bring it to me?"

 

Oh well, we all have our quirks I guess and have to live with each other.

When I was first married, I noticed this about my husband's family! They always have to say, "Hi! How are you?" "I'm great, how are you?" when starting a phone conversation, even if they are just calling to ask "Did you lock the door?" or "Hey, forgot my coat, I'll meet you there." Even if they have literally just seen each other 5 minutes earlier. I thought it was so funny and made the mistake of commenting on it to MIL. Oops. "You mean common courtesy?" she asked. Sigh. My family just isn't that polite, I guess (sometimes that's a bad thing, I know but in this case it's just a time saver)! :)

[Lady Florida.]

If you do really want to have a conversation with the person (and it's okay if you don't) and if others are correct in saying the person is processing out loud and giving analogies for his own benefit (which I think could very well be true), could you try and join in the analogies? Validate the ones he makes, or make your own. 

 

"Yes, it makes more sense to just buy enough gas to get where you're going, and you're not really saving any money by buying it a little at a time. <You validated his analogy, now make one of your own.> Why only buy enough milk for today? If it's not going to go bad, get enough to last the week."

 

Maybe to the person, this would be the two of you having a conversation. If it would drive you crazy to have to do that, then you should just admit to yourself you don't really like conversing with this person. How to avoid talking to him is another issue. I'm sorry I don't have any advice for that.

[TrixieB]

With regard to the analogies, you are dealing with a concrete thinker. That's the way we think and express our thoughts. It doesn't mean that we think the other person is stupid. It's the way we relate to the world. However, because being able to use concrete metaphors comes easily to us and often helps people to grasp new concepts, being a concrete thinker is very helpful in teaching/training professions.

 

You are apparently not a concrete thinker. I hope that you can find a way to appreciate one another. Perhaps if you don't take the interpretation that his use of analogies means that he thinks you're stupid, it will help.

 

It also sounds like the person is verbally processing with you. Some people don't know what they think until they've talked through it. If this is someone close to you, I'd just try to change the subject when you get tired of it, or just say that you need to talk about something else for a while.

 

This is very helpful.  Apparently I am a verbal processor concrete thinker which is something I never realized.

[KungFuPanda]

You don't know that. I've had people come up to me after a lecture and thank me for explaining things and say they were afraid to ask questions because they didn't want to be thought stupid. Particularly in a class setting, one explains for those ones, not the ones who clearly get it. And the lost ones had been nodding with the group all along. But I can see the lost looks.

 

Especially because you know it's torture for the rest of the class, no student wants to admit they don't get it. Especially after one smartass yells for the whole group, "We get it!"

 

Is anyone really going to say, "Not me. One more example please."

 

Re:OP... Sounds like you don't enjoy this person's company. I am sorry to hear that but understand.

Nope. This was a small dance class with mirrors. You could SEE when everyone got the move. She overexplained out of habit the same excessive amount no matter what the class did. It was maddening. It would make more sense in a lecture situation.

[pehp]

When I first met my husband....I had a friend ask his sister about him. She said,"is there anything terrible scarlett should know about him?". Sister thinks and then says, "he tells really lomg stories." My friend says,"that's it? That's the worst thing about him?" Sister says, "you don't understand, they are really looooong stories".

 

:). And it is true. Sometimes it is maddening and I have to say, " ok dh. I don't have to know the last name of the guy on the job from 30 years ago back in CA for you to finish this story. "

 

I heart him. :). I feel your pain though.

 

We married the same guy.  ;) 

[pehp]

When I was first married, I noticed this about my husband's family! They always have to say, "Hi! How are you?" "I'm great, how are you?" when starting a phone conversation, even if they are just calling to ask "Did you lock the door?" or "Hey, forgot my coat, I'll meet you there." Even if they have literally just seen each other 5 minutes earlier. I thought it was so funny and made the mistake of commenting on it to MIL. Oops. "You mean common courtesy?" she asked. Sigh. My family just isn't that polite, I guess (sometimes that's a bad thing, I know but in this case it's just a time saver)! :)

 

This is so funny!!!  My family is like this.  200%!!!  And my husband's family strikes me as shockingly rude because he'll call his mom and say "hey, what time for dinner on Saturday?  okay, see you, bye."  WHAT?  No greeting? No asking how they are?  (Even if he just saw them...I know,  I know!)  That type of question would take 5-10 minutes with my father b/c we'd be so busy being nice to each other and saying our love yous and such.  

 

If my father or sister called and didn't ask how I was, even if I had seen them 30 seconds ago, I would think they were in an emergency situation or something!!

[KungFuPanda]

We married the same guy. ;)

Oh wow, I thought it was just my DH. He is incapable of adjusting the level of detail to his current audience. I'm trying desperately to teach my son this valuable social skill.

[Hkpiano]

This is so funny!!! My family is like this. 200%!!! And my husband's family strikes me as shockingly rude because he'll call his mom and say "hey, what time for dinner on Saturday? okay, see you, bye." WHAT? No greeting? No asking how they are? (Even if he just saw them...I know, I know!) That type of question would take 5-10 minutes with my father b/c we'd be so busy being nice to each other and saying our love yous and such.

 

If my father or sister called and didn't ask how I was, even if I had seen them 30 seconds ago, I would think they were in an emergency situation or something!!

Haha! It's sweet. Your way really is the nicer way. :)

[Hkpiano]

I thought of this thread today when I used an analogy in conversation. My friend didn't seem bothered, but I was very self conscious about it.

 

I adore analogies, and love it when people use them in conversation with me; I had no idea they were so boring and annoying. Learn something every day, huh ?

I don't think you should be self-conscious, I like using and hearing analogies too. Just be aware of verbal and physical cues that might mean your listener would like you to move on. Your friend probably enjoyed the conversation though, I think just the fact that you were conscious of how she may be reacting means you were okay. :)

[KungFuPanda]

I thought of this thread today when I used an analogy in conversation. My friend didn't seem bothered, but I was very self conscious about it.

 

I adore analogies, and love it when people use them in conversation with me; I had no idea they were so boring and annoying. Learn something every day, huh ?

Using occasional analogies isn't the problem. It's using them for every explanation that's an issue.

[xixstar]

Lol. That is my spouse though maybe not analogies but way more explaining than needed. And yes, does feel offended and like I am trying to always rush a conversation when I want to get right to the point. He comes by it honest, his mother does the same and simply can't move forward unless she is allowed to finish her story.

 

I have learned patience in our marriage, a trait that I need lots of work on so it isn't such a bad thing. Also, I don't take it as an insult to my intelligence that they think I need that much explaining but simply their need to be very clear.

[Katy]

The most polite thing is to do nothing.

 

The best way to correct rude behavior without being rude yourself is to gently tease someone about it.  "Occupational hazard of over-explaining things kicking in again? (wink, smile) You know you're not getting paid for this, right?  :lol: "

 

Sometimes they'll get it and change, sometimes they'll get offended.  Depends a bit on your delivery and their social skills.

[Tap]

I thought of this thread today when I used an analogy in conversation. My friend didn't seem bothered, but I was very self conscious about it.

 

I adore analogies, and love it when people use them in conversation with me; I had no idea they were so boring and annoying. Learn something every day, huh ?

An analogy every once in a while, is absolutely no biggie, and likely wouldn't even register to me.  It is the constant use and how long they are when you try to fit in every detail, that gets annoying to me.  The person I am talking about will spend 5 minutes having a real conversation about a topic, and then spend another 2 minutes tying to fit the details into an analogy.   In a 30-60 minute conversation, you can get 3 or 4 of these analogies.  That does get tiring.  Just having one sprinkled in here or there, not a problem at all, and I wouldn't even notice.

[Word Nerd]

Using occasional analogies isn't the problem. It's using them for every explanation that's an issue.

 

Yes, and I thought that distinction was made clear by the OP.

[Aiden]

I think I may do the same thing your friend does, OP. It's something I've caught myself doing and something of which I've started trying to be aware. When I find myself processing things by talking to others and it isn't crystal clear to me that they're actually interested, I stop talking. I resume my verbal processing later by writing or by discussing it with myself inside my own head.  (I do have fascinating conversations with myself at times! :lol: )

 

Because I've already recognized the tendency in myself, I think I'd understand if someone else pointed out this tendency to me and/or asked me to reign it in. However, it would still hurt. And if I hadn't already recognized it myself, it would hurt and confuse me. I think it would be kinder to change the subject, and if that failed, then end the conversation.

[happi duck]

Oh wow, I thought it was just my DH. He is incapable of adjusting the level of detail to his current audience. I'm trying desperately to teach my son this valuable social skill.

I can join the 'my dh includes every detail and I mean every little detail even those details that are not needed' club.

(Figured this club needed a lengthy name)

:)

[katilac]

I'm going to guess this is your dh, bc I can't think of anyone else who would repeatedly call you from a hotel room. Maybe a parent or such, but at any rate someone close to you. 

 

Learn to roll with it. If it hasn't changed yet, it isn't likely to change. I agree with those who say this person is likely processing out loud, it has nothing to do with thinking you're slow or stupid. Have a pile of laundry ready to fold when he calls, put him on speaker and clean the kitchen, whatever. 

 

Sometimes you just need to accept certain things about people. My dh is never going to stop telling me how to make a watch when I ask him for the time, and I am never going to have a nightstand that isn't an unholy mess. We just roll with it. 

 

It might help to become a Sherlock fan. Sherlock is constantly using John as a sounding board, whether he's interested or not, paying attention or not. There's a great scene where John realizes Sherlock had an entire 'conversation' without him even being there: "Do you just carry carry on talking when I'm away?" 

 

It's exactly what I thought of when you said you put him on speakerphone and left!  :laugh:

[AmandaVT]

you're not secretly my brother are you? Both of our parents do this and it makes me mental...I've learned to tune out. :-)

[Ripley]

I read the OP aloud to my kids. It was pin-drop quiet for about half a second before we all busted out howling.

 

The OP could have been written about me. And maybe it was LOL. And "odd" is about the nicest anyone has called it! 

I really appreciated the post that said it's likely the person is processing aloud (that's exactly what I'm doing, even if I don't realize it until I've mid-process and the eyes across from me have glazed over or closed completely). I also appreciated the post referring to BBC Sherlock :) my kids got a laugh out of that, too, because they see a lot of me in that character as well.

 

But I do know it's annoying, even frustrating and when I have a mind to it I try to be aware of the audience's growing disinterest. But when I'm in a stream of thought I get a bit lost sometimes, to the disadvantage of my partner in conversation. Fortunately I'm aware of the issue and can mostly have a laugh at it when someone has lost patience and snips at me about it. It stings, but I know how hard they try to keep quiet for the most part - and that we all reach our personal boiling point.  I appreciate their effort rather than a constant stream of annoyed "Yeah, I know" dismissals during conversation.

 

Though sometimes my kids are at fault! I'll be thinking aloud, minding my own business, having a conversation with myself and they'll interject themselves into my audible thought stream. So I reply, but my mindset is still in "process" mode rather than "conversation" mode.  They're either slow or martyrs because smarter kids would have figured out the pattern by now. But my kids keep doin' and keep getting annoyed when my analogies hit double-digits LOL.

 

This thread was a good read for me, a timely reminder to be more aware of talking WITH people rather than THROUGH them.

[Tap]

I read the OP aloud to my kids. It was pin-drop quiet for about half a second before we all busted out howling.

 

The OP could have been written about me. And maybe it was LOL. And "odd" is about the nicest anyone has called it! 

I really appreciated the post that said it's likely the person is processing aloud (that's exactly what I'm doing, even if I don't realize it until I've mid-process and the eyes across from me have glazed over or closed completely). I also appreciated the post referring to BBC Sherlock :) my kids got a laugh out of that, too, because they see a lot of me in that character as well.

 

But I do know it's annoying, even frustrating and when I have a mind to it I try to be aware of the audience's growing disinterest. But when I'm in a stream of thought I get a bit lost sometimes, to the disadvantage of my partner in conversation. Fortunately I'm aware of the issue and can mostly have a laugh at it when someone has lost patience and snips at me about it. It stings, but I know how hard they try to keep quiet for the most part - and that we all reach our personal boiling point.  I appreciate their effort rather than a constant stream of annoyed "Yeah, I know" dismissals during conversation.

 

Though sometimes my kids are at fault! I'll be thinking aloud, minding my own business, having a conversation with myself and they'll interject themselves into my audible thought stream. So I reply, but my mindset is still in "process" mode rather than "conversation" mode.  They're either slow or martyrs because smarter kids would have figured out the pattern by now. But my kids keep doin' and keep getting annoyed when my analogies hit double-digits LOL.

 

This thread was a good read for me, a timely reminder to be more aware of talking WITH people rather than THROUGH them.

I think you kinda hit the nail on the head with this statement. When someone uses a casual, one/two line analogy, it adds color to the dialog.  "This week was like the movie Groundhog Day.  I kept doing the same things day after day, and never got a single thing accomplished."  That is fine, wonderful, and helps others understand the feeling of the person's week.  

 

In the real life example, when the speaker keeps going, and going for multiple minutes with an analogy, it makes me feel like they think I don't understand the first conversation and are trying to help me understand by dumbing it down to my level.  Since I know, they know, that I understand.... it IS Exactly like they are just so lost in their own world, processing the information, that they don't care that the listener has completely tuned them out.  It is absolutely like they are talking through me and no longer with me. 

[AndyJoy]

Oh wow, I thought it was just my DH. He is incapable of adjusting the level of detail to his current audience. I'm trying desperately to teach my son this valuable social skill.

Does your DH have ADHD? My dad does and he has this issue. I've learned to be more succinct because it drives me batty. I'm also working on it with my ADHD son :)

[Scarlett]

Ugh. An Overexplainer. I have a friend like that. I made it a drinking game. If we were on the phone I'd tell her, "I'm taking a drink now." She no longer over-explaines things to me. There's also retaliation. Plan your story and have a looooong analogy (or two) prepared as follow up. See how your friend reacts to being on the other side of a pointless analogy.

So this morning while drinking coffee in bed I said to dh, "I am taking a drink now." Then I dramatically sipped my coffee. He looked at me intently and asked if I had any alcohol in it. LOL

 

However it did stop the long drawn out story of the Mojave Green.

[KungFuPanda]

Does your DH have ADHD? My dad does and he has this issue. I've learned to be more succinct because it drives me batty. I'm also working on it with my ADHD son :)

No. He just thinks his interests should be universally fascinating.

[KungFuPanda]

So this morning while drinking coffee in bed I said to dh, "I am taking a drink now." Then I dramatically sipped my coffee. He looked at me intently and asked if I had any alcohol in it. LOL

 

However it did stop the long drawn out story of the Mojave Green.

After my son filibustered for half an hour about some video game. I decided to do the same about the garden I'd planted that day. I got five minutes in before he got angry and told me that he didn't care. My reply was "Exactly!"

 

Generally I have a great deal of patience and FIND a way to be interested and ask questions, but sometimes people just broadcast and never once think of their listener. I may have cracked a little. Not my finest parenting moment.