AimeeM Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 We've done this before. Currently, in the Aimee M household, a certain toddler is going through a "I Wanna be a Nudist" phase. "STOP rubbing whipped cream on your rear!" "Don't scare your brother (by jumping on him naked)!" "Don't terrorize your brother (by sitting naked on his blocks)!" ... and last, but certainly not least... "I swear to God, if I have to take you to the ER because that block goes up your rear..." (as I run a speed any runner would envy, to try to determine which blocks COULD cause us to have to go to the ER) 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excelsior! Academy Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Hee hee. I know I've said lots recently. My brain has shut down for the evening. I'll post tomorrow. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I parent a bunch of raving lunatics. And they're trying to bring me to the dark side with them. I sympathize. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherGoose Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Do not lick your sister. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delighted3 Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 How about "Stop licking the wall". I heard that said to my dgd by various people multiple times today. Joy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiMi 4under3 Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Everybody put on your headphones now! and play video games or watch movies for at least an hour! - said today on a six hour drive home from skiing. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hypatia. Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Is it still up there? OK, let me get the otoscope and check because I can't see it. (Yup, the Lego was still up the 4 year old's nose.) Don't lick the couch. (To the 10 year old. Seriously, dude?) 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 Is it still up there? OK, let me get the otoscope and check because I can't see it. (Yup, the Lego was still up the 4 year old's nose.) Don't lick the couch. (To the 10 year old. Seriously, dude?) Don't feel bad - I had to tell my 13.5 year old daughter to stop licking her brother the other day (I forget which brother). I remember when my generally "by the rules" DS5 stuck a lego up his nose. What makes a kid want to do that???? He was right about the same age as yours when he did that, too :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kerileanne99 Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 "I will give you a sticker if you stop riding my couch" Said to a friend's 5yo after I noticed she has literally worn a hole in the arm of my leather sofa by 'riding' the arm on just a handful of visits--after I tried ensuring she used a 'saddle' (blanket) first:( "No, we cannot stop to scoop up roadkill for dissection!" To dd5 "Bird poop is NEVER something to eat!" "Because I said so!" --which I swore up and down ai would never say but after the 19th patient explanation fell upon deaf ears I simply didn't care:) "No, we don't have time to make microscope slides of your ear wax. Or nose goblins. Or mine. Or anybody's. Maybe another day. All of my these were just today. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 The number of times I have told my 8yo not to stick her hands in her beverage in a restaurant, etc., is beyond ridiculous. Her restaurant behavior seems to get worse every year. :/ Today I was telling my kids not to exhibit their hula dancing skills at school. (Apparently they do remember something from our trip to Chile.) :/ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Do not lick your sister. Been there. Said that.... Except in our case it was, "Didn't you just hear you sister say she thinks he has a fever? Then, why on Earth would you think it was a good idea to lick him?" :huh: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gil Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Stop sniffing the cats ears/butt. If you do not put your pants on right now, you're going to be walking around the store half naked because I'm not waiting for you anymore. Stop barking at people. Do not maul your brother. Get your fingers out of my nose/mouth/ear. (They used to put their fingers in my facial cavities if I was dozing/sleeping to 'check' I was alive.) Why are you eating legos? Do not suck peoples buttons. Please, please, please take the tissue off the role before you use it. If you don't stop chewing the furniture, I'm leaving you at the fire-station/orphanage. Making you eat your food is not a crime--stop trying to dial the police. If you want to play with your penis go in the bathroom! (Feels like I say this 10x a day to my younger son) Who has been licking the bread? 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainbird2 Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Gil, those were hilarious! Here's mine: "DO NOT put the chicken down the twisty tunnel slide! Chickens DO NOT like to slide, especially down tunnel slides!" (poor chicken) 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EndOfOrdinary Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 "If the dog bites you, I'm going to side with the dog." (Ds like to play keep away a bit longer than the dog does sometimes) "Take your hand out of your pants when you are talking to someone." "Take your hand out of your pants when you are doing chemistry." "Take your hand out of your pants when you are eating." "Your penis is not a toy!" I sympathize Gil. We were doing quite well from 7 to 10, but it has begun again. Seriously, males! What is the deal with the hand in the pants? Do girls do this too? 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
La Condessa Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 "But WHY!? You SAW him crying while we were trying to dig the Lego out of his nose, you KNEW it hurt!!!" Followed shortly by, "Oh no, not you, too!!!" 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeacherZee Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Don't feel bad - I had to tell my 13.5 year old daughter to stop licking her brother the other day (I forget which brother). I remember when my generally "by the rules" DS5 stuck a lego up his nose. What makes a kid want to do that???? He was right about the same age as yours when he did that, too :p Well.........in my case it was a character in a book who did it and it seemed like a fine idea at the time (I was five and my parents are STILL telling that story) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Now that mine are teens I find myself saying all kinds of things after hearing about other teens doing something stupid. Things such as: Never take a pic of your business and text/snapchat it to someone. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherGoose Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Gil, those were hilarious! Here's mine: "DO NOT put the chicken down the twisty tunnel slide! Chickens DO NOT like to slide, especially down tunnel slides!" (poor chicken) My children have found that the chicken does not mind sliding too much, except for the pesky fact that she tends to poo on the slide after the second or third trip. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Please stop singing the penis song. If you sing or listen to the penis song again without earbuds, I'm deleting it. The penis song does not need a public penis dance. Please do not lick my truck. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoCandJ Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 No, you may not clean out your sister's or I's boogers with your tongue. Put your freaking tongue back in your mouth, your not a panting dog. Quit licking my ear!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trilliums Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 We might need needle nose pliers to retrieve the earbud from your ear canal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMD Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 To my daughter this morning: "no, you cannot have your maths book back until you finish eating your pancakes" Seriously. Bizarre. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slache Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 (Our children's godmother has twin sisters with rather long names so when we talk about them we refer to them by their last name instead of first.) Sweetie, we do not refer to people by their color. The reason we call them the Brown girls is because that's their last name. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gil Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 "If you do not stop horsing around right now then, I'm going to burn every book in the house, throw out ALL of the toys and am never letting you go outside again. Because that way we can both go insane." Me: How the heck did you forget to put on pants?" (Said after we'd arrived at our destination--he was fully dressed, except for the pants. Pal: I was waiting for you to tell me to put on my pants, you didn't tell me so I forgot. (Now I do usually tell them both to put on X or do Y as we are getting ready, but given how much he complains about my nagging I didn't realize that he was dependent upon these common-sense instructions.) The boys are usually milling about when I am getting dressed and they asked why I put on deodorant in the mornings, before I'm sweaty. Me: If you are waiting to stink before you put on deodorant than you've missed the point of deodorant. Buddy: But if you prevent the odor by using deodorant in the morning then how you do know when you actually need deodorant?" Me: Because you're already stinking up the place--so I just put deodorant on every morning when I wash up and I know that I'm good. Buddy: Then shouldn't it be called preodorant? 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 Gil, this will be my household in a couple of years. Hilarious! Things I never thought I'd have to say: "Don't ________ (insert verb of your choice) through/to your brother." The word "p*nis" as an average, everyday word. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmseB Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 Don't lick the pew Bible! (said in a shouting whisper) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 No, please do not clean the toilet!!! Said to my three year old. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 "Keep your clothes on." "All the way on." "It is seventy degrees Fahrenheit in this living room. You can stay dressed all day." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doodlebug Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 "You may hug me. You may NOT burrow your nose in my cleavage!" "But mom! It's the perfect spot!" I have a feeling I just got a little too much info on his future love life. Sigh. Stella 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 Gil, those were hilarious! Here's mine: "DO NOT put the chicken down the twisty tunnel slide! Chickens DO NOT like to slide, especially down tunnel slides!" (poor chicken) My brother had one that did like to go sledding with him. It followed him around like a dog all the time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gentlemommy Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Don't put the worm tweezers in your mouth!!!! We have a bearded dragon and I refuse to touch his insects, so I bought some big plastic tweezers to pick them up. My four year old WATCHED me do it, then put them in her mouth. Sigh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Your diaper is not a pocket. lease don't put the remote in it. Naked boys are not allowed to help cook. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 There seems to be a naked theme to many of these. THAT has not been ANY better in the Aimee M household. Every single day I apologize to some visitor - the early interventionist, the speech therapist, the dog trainer... and most notably the poor neighbors who need only walk by the house with the nifty new glass storm doors to see in the house - for Marco's lack of ANY clothing (or diaper), and often for his sudden fascination with his... male appendage. The other day I left the house for some errand. DD13 and Dad were tag teaming Marco and Nico. Nico is potty trained finally, but isn't tall enough to get on and off the potty on his own (and isn't coordinated enough to use a step stool without falling), so he relies on help to get on and off. DD13 was doing something in the kitchen, Dad was helping Nico on the potty, and in the 3 minutes Marco (DS2) was left semi-unattended (easily within hearing distance in our small home), he stripped, broke into DD13's bedroom, found a blue highlighter and colored his penis, and legs, blue. Who knew that blue highlighter was as difficult to scrub off as permanent marker? I didn't... until that incident. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxbridgeacademy Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 My 4 year old Nephew is visiting this weekend..... "get you hands out of your pants" was promptly followed by "get your finger out of your nose" then a quick trip to the bathroom for a lesson on hand washing. Also I gave him hot chocolate last night with whipped cream and had to remind him "we don't stick our hands in cups". I forgot what it was like to have little ones around, but he looks like a fuzzy blond mouse so, you know, I don't mind. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxbridgeacademy Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 There seems to be a naked theme to many of these. THAT has not been ANY better in the Aimee M household. Every single day I apologize to some visitor - the early interventionist, the speech therapist, the dog trainer... and most notably the poor neighbors who need only walk by the house with the nifty new glass storm doors to see in the house - for Marco's lack of ANY clothing (or diaper), and often for his sudden fascination with his... male appendage. The other day I left the house for some errand. DD13 and Dad were tag teaming Marco and Nico. Nico is potty trained finally, but isn't tall enough to get on and off the potty on his own (and isn't coordinated enough to use a step stool without falling), so he relies on help to get on and off. DD13 was doing something in the kitchen, Dad was helping Nico on the potty, and in the 3 minutes Marco (DS2) was left semi-unattended (easily within hearing distance in our small home), he stripped, broke into DD13's bedroom, found a blue highlighter and colored his penis, and legs, blue. Who knew that blue highlighter was as difficult to scrub off as permanent marker? I didn't... until that incident. The nephew showed up this weekend covered in black marker spots, everywhere but his face (his mom's compromise) it's washable though . 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bensonduck Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Your diaper is not a pocket. lease don't put the remote in it. Naked boys are not allowed to help cook. I've said both of these! Also: Your behind is not a pocket. You may carry your toy in your hand, or you may put on pants with a pocket, but you may not use your behind to carry it. Do not climb in/stand on/sit in the dishwasher. Close the dishwasher door. Get out of the dishwasher. (do I have the only toddler who is absolutely obsessed with the dishwasher? He would live in there if I let him.) Don't lick the grocery cart/check out aisle/product shelves. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 There seems to be a naked theme to many of these. THAT has not been ANY better in the Aimee M household. Every single day I apologize to some visitor - the early interventionist, the speech therapist, the dog trainer... and most notably the poor neighbors who need only walk by the house with the nifty new glass storm doors to see in the house - for Marco's lack of ANY clothing (or diaper), and often for his sudden fascination with his... male appendage. The other day I left the house for some errand. DD13 and Dad were tag teaming Marco and Nico. Nico is potty trained finally, but isn't tall enough to get on and off the potty on his own (and isn't coordinated enough to use a step stool without falling), so he relies on help to get on and off. DD13 was doing something in the kitchen, Dad was helping Nico on the potty, and in the 3 minutes Marco (DS2) was left semi-unattended (easily within hearing distance in our small home), he stripped, broke into DD13's bedroom, found a blue highlighter and colored his penis, and legs, blue. Who knew that blue highlighter was as difficult to scrub off as permanent marker? I didn't... until that incident. We actually are ok with the kids coloring on themselves as long as it isn't with a permanent marker. The little one likes for his brother to draw faces on his belly. He calls it happy belly. Or in his speech "ha-ee behbee". :001_wub: I've said both of these! Also: Your behind is not a pocket. You may carry your toy in your hand, or you may put on pants with a pocket, but you may not use your behind to carry it. Do not climb in/stand on/sit in the dishwasher. Close the dishwasher door. Get out of the dishwasher. (do I have the only toddler who is absolutely obsessed with the dishwasher? He would live in there if I let him.) Don't lick the grocery cart/check out aisle/product shelves. You do not. In fact, if your toddler is also fascinated with the dryer, our toddlers may be twins. Also, don't lick ALL THE THINGS is a regular refrain here. Sigh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyGF Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 "Just a second. You're seven. We've driven three hours away from home to our vacation rental, and you didn't bother putting on shoes before getting in the car?" E 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFaerie Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Do not climb in/stand on/sit in the dishwasher. Close the dishwasher door. Get out of the dishwasher. (do I have the only toddler who is absolutely obsessed with the dishwasher? He would live in there if I let him.) OT, but I have a cat who loves the dishwasher. The weirdo comes racing into the kitchen when he hears me doing the dishes and literally jumps into the dishwasher to sit on the open door. I usually have to nudge him out with my foot when I'm ready to close it up. Strange cat. :lol: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 DS(11 years old): do you want a piece of candy mom? me: did you just stick that up your nose? DS: no, it wouldn't fit! (Sigh) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 "I didn't mean in the middle of the living room!" (I'm trying to get the kids back into routine tick-checks.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 push your hand out of your sleeve and you will see it is still there- said to twin 2 who was in complete hysterics because he thought he had lost his hand. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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