If you could help *steer* your child toward or away from a particular field...

[madteaparty]

Accidental double post

[elegantlion]

The only thing we've actively steered away from is construction. Ex was self-employed and it was horrid for stability, horrid for one income, despite the fact he is a good carpenter and has good people skills. Even the ex said he didn't want ds to go into that business. Thankfully, ds was never really interested as he's more cerebral than wanting to work physically hard. 

 

 

 

[Storygirl]

We try not to steer, but . . .

 

I'd like to steer oldest DS away from investment banking.  But right now he's got his heart set on it.  I think he may have to sell his soul (and work himself to death) to succeed.

 

 

 

 

 

. I was told economics degrees made economics teachers, and I didn't want to teach.

 

I just thought I'd add another perspective. DH majored in economics, and he works in investment banking. He has never taught, and he makes a good living working in the Midwest in a 9 to 5 job. No soul selling involved. Many of his college classmates intended to head to Wall Street to make the big bucks after graduation. DH never wanted that and has made a very successful career while avoiding the Wall Street madness.

 

As far as how we will steer our own children -- I want help them figure out a career path that will be both fulfilling and provide for their financial needs. My parents were not the steering type, so I didn't get any guidance from them. Even just little would have been helpful. Oh, except my mother always insisted I should become a doctor, because I had good grades and she thought it was a top profession -- even though I disliked science and was squeamish and absolutely loved English and literature. She didn't consider the kind of person that I really am when she made these statements. It was annoying, frankly, and made me feel that she didn't know me well.

 

I'm guessing each of my children will choose something different, and I'll try to help steer them along whatever path they choose.

[Tsuga]

It is apparent that the worst possible fate to befall any child is to have an artist's heart, a parentally-motivated JD, but to fall upon hard times and be forced to work in construction for the local school district.

[SamanthaCarter]

It is apparent that the worst possible fate to befall any child is to have an artist's heart, a parentally-motivated JD, but to fall upon hard times and be forced to work in construction for the local school district.

 

:giggle

[Arcadia]

be forced to work in construction for the local school district.

My district pampers the construction companies. A local bond measure just passed to pay for a new K-12 school in my district.

The previous new school the district built was overcrowded a few years after opening and portables were added. This one is likely to have the same outcome.

[SamanthaCarter]

I just thought I'd add another perspective. DH majored in economics, and he works in investment banking. He has never taught, and he makes a good living working in the Midwest in a 9 to 5 job. No soul selling involved. Many of his college classmates intended to head to Wall Street to make the big bucks after graduation. DH never wanted that and has made a very successful career while avoiding the Wall Street madness.

 

And this is exactly the reason I think kids/parents need to know someone familiar with the field. So you don't get misinformation stated as fact - such as economics majors just teach economics. Thanks for your perspective!

[wintermom]

I remember my mom steering me away from nursing, and my dad trying to steer me toward accounting. From their experience, and my lack of it, the assumption was that the chosen degree equalled one career path for a life-time. This may have been the case back in their college days, but is certainly not the case now. 

 

I wouldn't steer my child away from a particular field if it was something they were really interested in. I would help them research that and related fields, find out what combinations of skills and experience could mesh well to increase employablity, and help support them through the education period (though not necessarily footing the entire bill).  Also, I'd help them to get volunteer and/or work experience in that field before their post-secondary education begins. 

 

No matter what field my dc pursue, I will really encourage them to maintain a well-balanced life, which includes physical activities and creative activities (music, theatre, art, etc.), along with a positive social network. No matter how good or bad a job they may get one day, they are going to need outlets to have fun, reduce stress, stay healthy, and have people nearby who care for them.

[mamakelly]

I'm steering my kids away from being a Pastor. It's very tough and that's all I should say about that... :leaving:

[catz]

I wouldn't necessarily encourage or discourage.  But given both my kids are doing performing arts as extracurricular right now, I would encourage them to think broad if they really want to do that as a life long profession.  We live in a arts heavy community and many people working in arts/theater/dance/music are jacks of many trades.  They might be music director at a church, giving private lessons, and auditioning for professional performing opportunities.  They might be a dancer, teaching dance, and a graphic designer marketing towards the arts community.   The might be directing an orchestra  couple days a week, working with a school program, and giving private lessons.  Etc etc etc.

 

I do think at this point in time, my kids could go in any direction.  My son could easily go into engineering or tech.  Actually my dd has the math potential, but perhaps not the interest.  Both are extroverted.  I worked as a software engineer for 10 years, and I will say extroverted people are highly valued in that industry.  My husband has gotten more opportunities and made more money because he's willing to meet with customers and be chatty with them and lead a bunch of introverts.  And my husband isn't even necessarily super extroverted.  I would also say there is a difference in the training and skill set of someone who has general, basic programming skills and someone trained to design software systems.  I do think programming and web knowledge is a good general skill for MANY people working in MANY areas. 

 

Anyway, I will not steer away, but I also won't sugar coat.  I like how someone else stated that.

[Guest]

I am a minimal steerist. ;) The only thing I have done so far like this is steered dd away from majoring in fine art and/or going to an art college. This is more for practical reasons than anything else. Art school is too expensive for such an open-ended degree. (I was about to say a "sketchy" degree!) ;)

[applethyme]

I strongly discourage my niece and children from considering a career in nursing.  Most of the nurses I graduated with are not longer able to work as nurses due to back injuries. 

[Frances]

I remember hearing about a study that dentists have a really high rate of depression. Something about not being able to relate to their patients--as the patients can't talk with them.

 

I personally think it is an awful occupation (difficult, stressful). I don't like the idea of steering, but if anything I'd steer away, unless this child absolutely loved the idea of being a dentist--not for the money, but for the other things. I had a dentist like this once--she was just so excited to be just looking at someone's teeth. I think she was mildly obsessed with teeth.

 

 

I've also heard from many dentist that a regular dental practice becomes very boring quite quickly. Also, when I was in high school we had a dentist come and speak for career day. He was only a few years out of dental school and said he absolutely regretted his decision to become a dentist because most people don't like going to the dentist, and it's depressing dealing with that every day.

[kewb]

I am a minimal steerist. ;) The only thing I have done so far like this is steered dd away from majoring in fine art and/or going to an art college. This is more for practical reasons than anything else. Art school is too expensive for such an open-ended degree. (I was about to say a "sketchy" degree!) ;)

Don't be dissing the art major. I have my BFA and I had quite the career. As long as you get practical skills in graphic design you can get a job. There is also quite a tshirt artist world with some big money. And they get to go to comic con.

[Frances]

I am a minimal steerist. ;) The only thing I have done so far like this is steered dd away from majoring in fine art and/or going to an art college. This is more for practical reasons than anything else. Art school is too expensive for such an open-ended degree. (I was about to say a "sketchy" degree!) ;)

 

Although fine art might be a good second major. My husband majored in chemistry and art in college, but decided late in his senior year that science would be his vocation and art would be his avocation. The art major has provided him with a lifelong hobby that produces income when he wants it to, and I think it also helped with his medical school acceptances, although he ultimately chose not to attend.

[FaithManor]

I am not a steerer. However, when ds decided to change future major from comp sci to creative writing, we encouraged him to think about how to mold that into something that will be self supporting, and he chose to add a double major in journalism or look at programs that had a writing major, were very well known for helping their students get internships/writing gigs, with the option of journalism emphasis.

 

I would be cautious about incurring college debt for say a major in 19th Century Russian Poetry. Study it, most definitely pursue the passion, but just possibly some other double major ought to be added to the degree.

[Frances]

And this is exactly the reason I think kids/parents need to know someone familiar with the field. So you don't get misinformation stated as fact - such as economics majors just teach economics. Thanks for your perspective!

 

There are also lots of economic positions in the state and federal government.

[Miss Peregrine]

I told my DS he is not allowed to become a police officer. I don't have to do much steering, as seeing how it has affected his dad pretty much put a stop to the desire. It's only going to get worse.

 

My dd 12 already knows she is going to be a professional soccer player, no steering need. :wink:

[kubiac]

I would like to steer my kids into investing in real estate. Barring that:

 

* Computers/software/programming/coding/tech project management

* Medical jobs where the primary work is with other doctors, rather than public-facing, i.e. radiology or pathology

* Opthamology!

* Science expertise that could be leveraged into consultancy work with larger organizations: geology, chemistry

 

I will also steer them away from what I consider to be the "pyramid-scheme" jobs, meaning jobs where there is a vast underclass of poorly paid, grossly overworked young people doing scut work for a decade or more in hopes that they will at some point magically make it big and start pulling six or seven figures. Very few actually make it, and in the meantime, much financial traction is lost, and it is virtually impossible to keep up the pace in later years as family responsibilities accumulate. I see this "pyramid scheme" at work in many "liberal arts" fields, creative industries of all kinds, and marketing/sales/PR/advertising. The short-term glamour is a bad long-term deal. 

 

That said, I would like to see my kids develop some expertise in both sales and team leadership, regardless of what speciality or industry they join otherwise. So many fields really require "marketing of self" as much as they require hard expertise.

 

 

[DawnM]

I have softened so much in this because I have one who most likely will NOT go to a traditional college but wants to go into animation.  He has some severe LDs, so we are just happy he is wanting to do something!

 

[BlsdMama]

DD is majoring as a linquist.  She's specializing in Russian at a time where relations aren't ideal for a young girl to be over in Russia.  I'd like to encourage away from this. ;)

[Tammi K]

My oldest three were/are interested and/or studied writing, music, and art. Those are not the easiest paths and certainly ones I wouldn't have chosen for them.  But, all three are making livings in their chosen fields. So, what do I know??? 

 

 

ETA:  I just noticed that my sig line says DD the oldest is a mathematician. Irony abounds there. She started out with a more writing directed major and decided part way through that she was tired of math teachers who couldn't teach so she switched her major thinking she would become a math teacher who could. She found a job with a company that develops software used to correlate findings for cancer research. She got her job because of her math degree but her current job duties include public and media representation so she actually does much more writing than math.

[kroe1]

We steer away from physician. So far no one is listening. We do steer toward something that will allow a relatively comfortable lifestyle to pay for their after work passions. Again, no one is listening.

[Donna]

I am trying not to steer. I am trying to help my children find something they are interested in and can earn a decent living doing (to me this means being able to afford a home and a family someday if they wish to have those things).

 

My dd seems (right now) intent on a career in music which is a difficult business to be in so we have discussions on how to broaden her focus to consider more than performance especially when she meets different musicians who have other occupations as well as their music. I am helping to keep her options open with a good education in other areas so she can have a back-up plan. If I could chose her field, it probably wouldn't be entertainment but I will not stand in her way.

 

With my ds's who have yet to find something they are extremely passionate about, I help them explore the pros and cons of different occupations they find interesting, help research educational requirements, and help them find mentors or experiences where they can see exactly what each job entails. Is it steering to let my music loving ds know being a guitar playing surfer dude is not doing to pay the bills as well as a job as a sound engineer, music teacher, or a welder? 

[Guest]

I am not a steerer. However, when ds decided to change future major from comp sci to creative writing, we encouraged him to think about how to mold that into something that will be self supporting, and he chose to add a double major in journalism or look at programs that had a writing major, were very well known for helping their students get internships/writing gigs, with the option of journalism emphasis.

 

I would be cautious about incurring college debt for say a major in 19th Century Russian Poetry. Study it, most definitely pursue the passion, but just possibly some other double major ought to be added to the degree.

Yes, my feeling also. I have told dd I have nothing at all against art. i hope she continues to draw and paint all the days of her life. But I don't feel that is the best *primary* investment for college.

 

She is a Humanities girl anyway. Everything she loves is liberal arts. :)

[Ewe Mama]

Sheep Daddy was told he had to study the law, medicine, or business/accounting if he wanted his parents to pay for college. If he wanted to study anything else, he would have had to pay for college himself.

 

I had no guidance whatsoever. My brother was an art major who took 10 years to graduate and has been living with our parents for the past 6 years, working a part-time job in retail. We both would have been better off with a certain amount of steering/ guidance.

 

I'm hoping we can gently steer by helping them see their strengths and weaknesses without being controlling.

[Carrie12345]

I don't want to do any steering.

I do aim to make sure they walk their paths with their eyes wide open.

[Mom-ninja.]

I'm steering my kids towards the ability to set me up in my own wing of their mansion with a private cook, maid, and massage therapist. That's not too much to ask for all the years homeschooling is it?  

[FO4UR]

Cute story:  My dd, when she was 7yo, told me that she wanted to be a witch when she grew up.  A witch?  Why?  b/c she wanted to mix potions.  I replied, "Oh, you want to be a pharmacist!!!"  So that's a little joke...but she asked a lot of questions about pharmacy after that, and of course I emphasized that witches tend to live in ugly, old cottages in the deep woods while pharmacists tend to live in beautiful, large homes with swimming pools in the backyard. :lol:

 

I don't want to steer too much, but I do want them to think through all aspects. And I *do* steer some, even for kids who aren't mine.  Come to me and tell me that you want to major in music in college, and you might get an earful. It's a good major, IF you know how you are going make a living after.  I was steered toward the Music Ed direction b/c it was thought that I would actually be able to get a job that way.  (Not without selling your soul....or working 80hr weeks for 30grand.)  Ironically, if I would have pursued my first love (ran away to Broadway LOL) and had just ONE good show, I could make a killing doing what I actually love doing.  Private voice lessons.

 

Ah, well.  So this is how I steer...

 

I've got a particular child with a powerful voice (apple didn't fall far from the tree). He is LOUD and expressive.  As I teach him how to turn the volume down at the appropriate time, I remind him that his booming voice is a gift that he will be able to use in an awesome way as a grown-up. I'm not steering him towards any particular career, but I *am* pushing him toward eloquent public speaking. Who knows where that will take him?

 

[Crimson Wife]

 Is it steering to let my music loving ds know being a guitar playing surfer dude is not doing to pay the bills as well as a job as a sound engineer? 

 

My brother studied music technology and has had a good career as an audio engineer. Studio jobs are pretty competitive, however, because they don't require travel and have a lot more stability than tour gigs. A tour usually lasts anywhere between 3-6 months and then he'll have to find a new position on another tour. He likes the travel but he's single and still fairly young.

[TwoEdgedSword]

.

[Catherine]

As if.

 

I must have very different kids than most of you because my kids would no more accept career steering from me than they would let me choose their spouse.

 

But I must admit that it makes me a bit sad to read all of the posts from people who feel strongly that they would steer their kids away from their own career choices. Not sure why; I guess those sentiments make me think of regrets and I'm sad that so many of us have regrets so significant...if I am reading these sentiments correctly. I for one love my chosen profession, medicine, and even though I've curtailed my career significantly (that would be the understatement of the year) to home school and spend more of their childhoods here at home, I love my work very deeply and I can't imagine doing anything else, despite the expense, the frustrations, the time-consuming nature of it. ((hugs)) to you all.

 

And I do understand "steering" to mean encouragement or lack thereof. In general I don't believe that finding a passion is the key to career success. I think that finding a way to achieve satisfaction, despite obstacles, is more what I am aiming for. Nothing is perfect and honestly I think we are too driven by looking for happiness, only, in our culture, to appreciate the happiness we already have.

 

To close I'll quote my neighbor, a retired business woman with a lot of money, when I responded to her question about what ds#1 was planning to study in college. I told her he loved math and planned to possibly pursue teaching at the college level. "How's he going to get rich doing THAT?" was the response. Urgh. I don't get this line of thinking. It's not like he set out to be a burger flipper as a career. Sheesh.

[madteaparty]

I steer the boys towards the best universities they can achieve, but not into particular fields.

 I agree with this and I guess this is the steering we do, as well. Do whatever you want but make sure you are surrounded by and learning from the best in that particular field.

[Random]

My main thing is to steer my kids away from thinking that their job has to be the way they find their calling and fulfillment. It's great when it works out, but I've seen too many people in unhappy jobs that feel trapped by them when the solution is probably to look for a way to find fulfillment in other ways. I think the key is to find something to do that you can live with and not pin all your happiness on something so completely out of your control as what job you can get.

 

This is great!  I agree, completely.  We talk with our children often about what careers they might like to have.  I encourage them to find something that will pay very well and will allow them to be able to support themselves and a family, if that time comes.

 

It's good to follow your bent, per se, but not to feel like you can only be happy with a career that is 'emotionally fulfilling.'  We talk about how some people are contented and happy, no matter what (generally), and that some people are miserable and complaining, no matter what (generally) and that circumstances are a small part (not insignificant) of living a fulfilled life.

 

With that said, I do steer my children away from physically demanding professions.  And, if they want to have a career that is physically exhausting and difficult, to HAVE AN EXIT PLAN.  Know what you'll do when you can't do that anymore.

[Susan C.]

From the mom with 20-something kids, both in liberal arts, they will do what they do.... and will work it out.  When my oldest was in high school, I thought college was only for job preparation. He valiantly went to college trying for math/science, and it was a bad fit.  I said I would back him in whatever he wanted, and if you are going to study that hard for four years, you should have a passion for it. So I changed to college has two purposes, job preparation and "person" preparation (or personal fulfillment). My daughter started as an English major, but changed to art this year. She has talents she didn't even know about and it has been a great personal growth experience. Both kids will take what they have learned into their lives. Both are better for having done a liberal arts education. I can't tell you the great number of people that have crossed my path that have good jobs that are not related to their college degrees.

[gardenmom5]

 they can change their minds so many times, and for many different reasons - I just encouraged them to do an active college prep in high school - and keep their options open. most of the specific influence I did was based upon their interests and aptitudes - always asking, can you support a family in that field?   there are degrees I would steer my kids away from, fortunately, they never had any interest in those fields - I do try to steer towards stem (they have the ability), but two went totally the other direction - but can (/will be able) to support a family.  my classics major-works with computers, and my son who has decided on a cpa.  

 

I did actively discourage 2dd from teaching. (it was a fallback interest because she felt like her uni grades weren't good enough.  they were.)  I had tried to encourage her into engineering. she got her undergrad in chemistry, and a minor in bio.  she's in the last year of grad school.  she's currently trying to decide if she's going to do a residency next year - or go straight to work. (I'm trying to encourage her to keep options open, yet respect her choices. I think she'll be very bored if she foregoes the opportunities she would have with a residency..)

 

one thing I've had to do with two of my kids is reassure them that they can be good in a subject  - without liking it enough to make it their livelihood.  and that's okay.  (as long as what they do pick is something they can support a family on.)

 

as they are exposed to things, they may trip into something they love that they never had supposed.  I worked with a surgeon who was adamant she wasn't going to follower her father into medicine.  so, she majored in English just to get a degree.  she was taking a biochem class - and loved it.  she thought "I can do this".  she was considering switching her major to biochem.  her father sat her down and asked her one question.

"do you want to give the orders, or take the orders?"  so, she's a surgeon.

I have a niece whose undergrad is biochem.  she worked on the genome project - but as low man on the totem pole (and with only an undergrad), was put in charge of maintaining the lab's database.  she LOVED the "adrenalin rush" she got when the system crashed and she had to fix things  - and now does very well with computers, and she loves it.

[Zinnia]

I have a child with a snarky sense of humor even at age 6.  I tend to tell him how fascinating operating rooms and surgery are.  I think he'd be a good fit for the dark humor of the OR.

[Crimson Wife]

One big thing that I've been stressing with my kids is to make sure whatever occupation they choose is something that can't easily be automated or offshored. Oldest DD wants to be a speech therapist and while some of the work can be done via Skype, a lot of it has to be done in-person. Technology similarly can reduce the need for speech therapy but we're a long way off from having robots who are able to replace human speech therapists.

[Haiku]

My oldest just asked me about switching to nursing from biology (she wants to be a PA). I told her it was not a good idea, as all the nurses I know are really unhappy with their working conditions.

[Tsuga]

I strongly discourage my niece and children from considering a career in nursing.  Most of the nurses I graduated with are not longer able to work as nurses due to back injuries. 

 

I am so sorry to hear that! The nurses here have a union which requires them to have a certain number of people to help them turn patients, etc.

 

I don't know what they'd do without the union--most of the nurses I know are happy with their pay and working conditions. It's a hard job, but they get paid quite a bit, even $50k part time setting their own schedule.

 

http://wallethub.com/edu/best-states-for-nurses/4041/

 

My sister paid off a house at under 35 nursing--she commutes pretty far, but she's working part time and making a lot of money even working as hourly.

 

But again, they have the union, which does take care of them to some extent. I cannot imagine what it is like in states for people like teachers, nurses, machinists, if they just all can be hired and fired to beat them into submission--once you have your degree, you'd think you can negotiate, but they gave everyone in this generation loans so it's basically a bunch of indentured servants. It sucks!

[creekland]

We told ours they would disappoint us if they chose to be pimps or illegal drug dealers.  More recently we've added terrorist to the list.

 

Anything else and we'll be supportive and happy.

 

I can't fathom steering.  

[mamakelly]

 all the nurses I know are really unhappy with their working conditions.

 

I don't know a single unhappy nurse. They work 3 days a week, 12 hour shifts, make awesome money etc...

[Haiku]

I don't know a single unhappy nurse. They work 3 days a week, 12 hour shifts, make awesome money etc...

 

The nurses I know (including my mother and multiple friends) are unhappy with rotating schedules, understaffing, difficulty scheduling time off, and staff management by for-profit management companies who come in and change things around for the worse. The nurses I have talked to about it, around half a dozen, have all said they would not encourage a young person to go into nursing today.

[Tsuga]

The nurses I know (including my mother and multiple friends) are unhappy with rotating schedules, understaffing, difficulty scheduling time off, and staff management by for-profit management companies who come in and change things around for the worse. The nurses I have talked to about it, around half a dozen, have all said they would not encourage a young person to go into nursing today.

 

Where are you located? Is it possible that someone with a passion for patient care could be happy living in a more nurse/medical friendly state?

 

[Catherine]

What I can say in support of nursing as a career is that it offers job security, flexibility, many opportunities for advancement, and good pay. Few professions have all of these positives. 

[creekland]

I haven't heard from a single graduate from school who has gone into nursing and regrets their choice.  None have had trouble finding jobs either.

 

Of course, all jobs will have their good/bad days, but overall?  Those I know encourage people to pursue the career.

 

I wonder if it's regional.

[G5052]

We've talked with them more about general principles than specifics.

 

You need to think about how many years and how expensive it is and weigh that against your future earnings.  I'm not against student loans, but I think you have to be thoughtful about it.

 

You need to think about the hours and what that will mean for family life.

 

You need to think about what the industry is like and where stable jobs are.  For example, if you go into IT, you likely will be changing jobs frequently unless you choose government or certain other sectors.

 

You need to think about the hard parts of your field -- for example being exposed to dangerous diseases in some parts of the nursing field, dealing with bad weather for pilots, being deployed in the military, etc.

 

Other than that, I tell them to find something they can live with and know that they'll probably change jobs a few times and may end up in another area.  Both DH and I invested a lot of time in our studies after high school, and neither of us are doing the majority of our work in those fields.  I ended up in a far lessor-paying field than what I did before children, but I love it and it is family-friendly.

[beaners]

Where are you located? Is it possible that someone with a passion for patient care could be happy living in a more nurse/medical friendly state?

 

I'd have to agree with her assessment. The nurses I know love their jobs, but also hate them and burn out quickly. They've said so in conversation. They've posted it on Facebook. It is pretty universal among everyone I know in nursing, regardless of age. They aren't all in the same state or even same country. (One is in Canada.)

[wintermom]

I know that some of the complaints my mom had about nursing were due to the time period and geographical location (Canada from the 1950s - 1990s). Nurses were overworked and underpaid, and did not always receive respect from the doctors they worked along side. They cleaned up everything in the patient rooms, did the laudry, etc. And then when the uniform (which at least gave them some dignity among the patients) was changed to the same thing the cleaning and food staff wore, it really hit a sore spot. Added to that, people working in the government run liquor stores made more money than nurses and had better benefits, it was enough to make a lot of nurses really bitter. 

 

These are some of the reasons she steered me away from nursing. I really don't blame her one bit. Nursing back when she was educated was one of the few careers women could chose from. The other major career choices were home economics, teaching and secretarial work. It's really nice to have so many more options these days.

[SarahB82]

I love being a nurse. The flexibility, pay, varying opportunities- I don't know another career that offers all nursing offers. There are so many more jobs other than bedside nursing. I can work 2 days a week and make much more than my sisters who are puic school teachers with Master's in their field. I can easily further my education and greatly increase my salary. I would encourage anyone, especially a male, to pursue nursing as a career.