plansrme Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Mom of four is stoned at her son's baseball game. Kids live with mom and possibly with dad as well. Dad may or may not have been on something, but there is no doubt about mom. Just assume I am correct on this. The son told another mom that when their bedroom burned up, they could not wake mom to get her out of the house. I do not know if she was alone with the kids during this incident or if the dad was there also. Grandparents (maternal) are at every game, but kids come and go with their parents. I have the kid's name and county but no more information. I have suspected something was off with mom before but have never paid enough attention to clue in on the obvious. Today I paid attention and was shocked at how blatant it was. But does DFCS want to know if a parent is stoned in public? Has anyone reported something similar? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 If she was driving them-- them yes-- otherwise, I wouldn't Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 I have. DCFS thanked me. I don't know what happened after that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkyandtheBrains. Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Are we talking pot in a state where it is a legal, or another drug, or a state where it is illegal? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Did you smell an odor to make you think it was an ilegal substance rather than some sort of prescription medication? I've had allergic reactions in the past where the medication prescribed made me very out of it. I generally stay in bed when that happens but if it were a really important game, I might go assuming DH drove. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted June 1, 2014 Author Share Posted June 1, 2014 Are we talking pot in a state where it is a legal, or another drug, or a state where it is illegal? Not legal, and also, I wouldn't think pot. I wouldn't expect pot to have lasted for 1 1/2 hours without being refreshed. I really have no relevant experience, but she was barely functional for a long time. It was not wearing off as the game went on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted June 1, 2014 Author Share Posted June 1, 2014 Did you smell an odor to make you think it was an ilegal substance rather than some sort of prescription medication? I've had allergic reactions in the past where the medication prescribed made me very out of it. I generally stay in bed when that happens but if it were a really important game, I might go assuming DH drove. She paid zero attention to the game. I did not have her pee in a cup for a drug test. Assume drugs, though, for the sake of this dilemma. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Χά�ων Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Not legal, and also, I wouldn't think pot. I wouldn't expect pot to have lasted for 1 1/2 hours without being refreshed. I really have no relevant experience, but she was barely functional for a long time. It was not wearing off as the game went on. That makes me wonder about side affects to a medication or lack of sleep or possible mental illness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Yeah, I too would wonder if it was a drug she was legally taking for some ailment - or the ailment itself making her tired. I would not call on this family unless I saw the kids in immediate danger. My mom used to be thoroughly exhausted all the time. It turned out to be colon cancer. It would suck if she had to deal with an allegation of child endangerment during that time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Strictly based on seeing her at a ball game and thinking she's impaired? Probably not. It could very well be prescribed pain meds. I would also think you would need a bit more info to make a meaningful report, such as the address or at least the parents' names. Someone could probably figure out where my kids live based on their name and county, but they have a very unusual last name. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Was she driving? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 No, I don't think I would, unless I were SURE she was driving them. If she is not on illegal drugs, but is rather having a bad reaction to required medication at an inopportune time, an allegation of child abuse is the last thing she needs. Contrariwise, if she IS addicted to drugs, it is unlikely that just getting DCFS involved is going to make her stop. It might, however, get the children removed to a far more dysfunctional family. Outcomes for children in foster care are so overwhelmingly negative that it would need to be something far more severe (physical abuse leaving large bruises/broken bones, sexual abuse, for example) before I would report it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 When a kid in a past neighborhood started talking about his mom doing meth in his house, I reported it. If I thought she was driving, I'd probably call the police instead of DHS though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristi26 Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 I don't think you have enough real evidence to support a call. As others have said, she may have some sort of chronic illness or ailment that is creating the problem. She may be trying new meds (per her dr) that aren't working and they haven't been switched yet. There are a lot of things it could be. I would not report that unless there were definite evidence (you see her with illegal drugs at the game, for example). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 To me, it sounds like child neglect, and I would probably make a call. I would be honest that I don't know the situation fully, but am concerned and relate what you know. In general, child abuse/neglect and domestic violence are not only two of the most common crimes in our country, but also the least reported. We lose over four women and five kids every single day in the US because of them. (Steps off soapbox.) I trust the authorities to investigate things and know what to do. With the emphasis on keeping families together (sometimes to the detriment of the children honestly), I don't worry so much about a removal. Most likely, they will check on Mom, see if she's on meds or what not… and perhaps see if she has the support necessary to be able to parent and deal with her medical issues/addiction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Unless you saw mom was driving (and that would be a police call), there's nothing to report. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted June 2, 2014 Author Share Posted June 2, 2014 Was she driving? I don't know, but she was so out of it at home that her house nearly burned down around her, with her kids in it. This was relayed to be my another parent who got it straight from the kid. That seems pretty dangerous to me. Those of you who say "no," do you think it is okay for a parent to be stoned in front of her kids? I am not comfortable giving out more details of her behavior, so for the sake of this question, assume she is on drugs. If I described her behavior in more detail, y'all would probably be more inclined to believe me. Also, frankly, if it had been something along the lines of exhaustion or a side effect of medication, her parents and husband would have been more solicitous of her. As it was, they barely acknowledged her presence. The husband, however, I suspect was also impaired in some way (but differently; he was weirdly hyped up). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 I can end up very loopy from a child's dose of children's benadryl. I also have severe allergies. I do not leave the house if I have taken benadryl and I would never consider driving while in that state. However, I would not make any assumptions about what substances someone has taken without more information. If I have to take benadryl it takes at least 24 hours to feel normal again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 I don't know, but she was so out of it at home that her house nearly burned down around her, with her kids in it. This was relayed to be my another parent who got it straight from the kid. That seems pretty dangerous to me. Those of you who say "no," do you think it is okay for a parent to be stoned in front of her kids? I am not comfortable giving out more details of her behavior, so for the sake of this question, assume she is on drugs. If I described her behavior in more detail, y'all would probably be more inclined to believe me. Also, frankly, if it had been something along the lines of exhaustion or a side effect of medication, her parents and husband would have been more solicitous of her. As it was, they barely acknowledged her presence. The husband, however, I suspect was also impaired in some way (but differently; he was weirdly hyped up). No, not really, but there are a lot of things that I don't think parents should do in front of kids that I would not report. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 I don't know, but she was so out of it at home that her house nearly burned down around her, with her kids in it. This was relayed to be my another parent who got it straight from the kid. That seems pretty dangerous to me. If this is mostly what you're basing your decision on, then I would say no. This is just gossip and you don't know if it is true. Also, I have been extremely difficult to wake at times when I am exhausted or ill. If I was truly worried, I would try to talk to one of the grandparents or other family members that attend the games. I would not jump to calling the authorities based on what you've shared here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rmtzc2009 Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 I would trust your instincts. You were there, you saw her firsthand & were told the info about the kid not being able to wake the mom in an emergency. We can all chime in with why we would or wouldn't call but at the end of the day what would you feel best doing? If my gut said something was wrong ie: drug use or kids in danger then I'd call the police. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Yes, I think I would call. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 If this is mostly what you're basing your decision on, then I would say no. This is just gossip and you don't know if it is true. Also, I have been extremely difficult to wake at times when I am exhausted or ill. If I was truly worried, I would try to talk to one of the grandparents or other family members that attend the games. I would not jump to calling the authorities based on what you've shared here. I agree with this, I would not jump to conclusions based on hearsay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted June 2, 2014 Author Share Posted June 2, 2014 Since there were three other adults there for the kids, no I would not call anyone. I do not know that they are in the house. The kids live at least with Mom, but perhaps others as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 I would call the police if I knew a person was impaired and driving. I would not call about the fire speculation . That does not mean I believe "it's ok" to be impaired in front of children; your assertion makes an erroneous assumption. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Well did anyone watch to see if she got into a car and tried to drive in that condition? If not, then there hasn't been enough research. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMJ Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 I don't know, but she was so out of it at home that her house nearly burned down around her, with her kids in it. This was relayed to be my another parent who got it straight from the kid. That seems pretty dangerous to me. This right here shows you have no real evidence. You have hear-say, which will never hold up in court, and observations of behavior that can have innocent explanations. If she is driving while impaired you can report that, and the ensuing investigation may lead further. But if you report her for being stoned and it turns out you were mistaken you can be taken to court yourself for harassment. This is beside the hassle and grief you can cause her family if your report is mistaken. Be very careful here. If you were observed not in your best light would you want someone reporting you because they thought you were stoned? Be certain of your facts first. Have you tried to get to know her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted June 2, 2014 Author Share Posted June 2, 2014 I would call the police if I knew a person was impaired and driving. I would not call about the fire speculation . That does not mean I believe "it's ok" to be impaired in front of children; your assertion makes an erroneous assumption. Oh please. I made no such assumption. My question was whether responders think this behavior is acceptable. IOW, if you don't think it is reportable, do you think it is acceptable? You answered. Thanks for that. But your condescension about my so-called assumptions was uncalled for. Frankly, though I appreciate the responses, I am surprised at the number who would not do anything because I do not have the results of a drug test in front of me. If a mom is stoned out of her mind on a Sunday morning, I don't see how she is a fit custodial parent. And really, she was stoned. This was not Benadryl. You all have given me a lot to think about, so thanks for taking the time to respond. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Given that she was not driving and there were three other adults there I would try to find out more info before making a decision. If your gut is telling you something is wrong I don't think you should just drop it, but I don't think what you have said here is enough to warrant a call. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Χά�ων Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 (edited) nm Edited June 3, 2014 by Moderator Lose the snottiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 There would be no repercussions on you if you made an anonymous phone call. I would probably call if I thought the child was in danger. I say probably because I don't really know if I can determine that accurately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Asked and answered above (see the post about the dad's and parents' behavior). But thanks so much for that sweet response. I don't know, but she was so out of it at home that her house nearly burned down around her, with her kids in it. This was relayed to be my another parent who got it straight from the kid. That seems pretty dangerous to me. Those of you who say "no," do you think it is okay for a parent to be stoned in front of her kids? I am not comfortable giving out more details of her behavior, so for the sake of this question, assume she is on drugs. If I described her behavior in more detail, y'all would probably be more inclined to believe me. Also, frankly, if it had been something along the lines of exhaustion or a side effect of medication, her parents and husband would have been more solicitous of her. As it was, they barely acknowledged her presence. The husband, however, I suspect was also impaired in some way (but differently; he was weirdly hyped up). Maybe the parents and husband weren't more solicitous of her because they know the reason for her behavior and it isn't as big a deal as you think it is? I think you have a lot of holes to fill in and so far your version of events seems to be a bit influenced by gossip. ETA: Was there ever an answer to whether or not the mom was driving with her children? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 I don't know, but she was so out of it at home that her house nearly burned down around her, with her kids in it. This was relayed to be my another parent who got it straight from the kid. That seems pretty dangerous to me. Those of you who say "no," do you think it is okay for a parent to be stoned in front of her kids? I am not comfortable giving out more details of her behavior, so for the sake of this question, assume she is on drugs. If I described her behavior in more detail, y'all would probably be more inclined to believe me. Also, frankly, if it had been something along the lines of exhaustion or a side effect of medication, her parents and husband would have been more solicitous of her. As it was, they barely acknowledged her presence. The husband, however, I suspect was also impaired in some way (but differently; he was weirdly hyped up). How certain are you that illegal drugs are the cause of the behavior? I know you're asking us to assume, but are you assuming or are you certain? I have chronic leukemia and there have been times my husband tried to wake me and couldn't. I would be heartbroken if people assumed I was using illegal drugs just because I could hardly get out of bed some days. My kids and husband might not seem concerned or sympathetic in public because it's just part of our lives now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 I don't know, but she was so out of it at home that her house nearly burned down around her, with her kids in it. This was relayed to be my another parent who got it straight from the kid. That seems pretty dangerous to me. I wouldn't worry about this. If she was impaired, the firefighters would have called DCFS. So either they did and the family is in the system or there is some other explanation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 I would not call for a mother being stoned. There were other adults there. If she were attempting to drive in that condition, I would call the police. As for the fire story? As others have said, it's third hand information. You don't call DFCS based on third hand information. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyontheFarm Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 I would report it. If it is a drug from the dr. she can show the investigator the bottle. They will have to catch her driving themselves, that is a police issue. If the kids are in danger then they will be protected. If there was a file already for that family, then that is not your problem it just means they as parents are making poor choices and others have noticed as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 If the room burned up I assume the fire department was called in? they are mandated reporters and would have reported that themselves. As for today's game, if she was driving I would have called 911 and reported an impaired driver, rather than dcfs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mysticmomma Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 If you don't have an address/phone number they can't take a full report. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NASDAQ Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Except for reeking of pot or whiskey, i can't identify drugs vs. impaired in some other way. And I live in a place where pot use is not DCFS stuff, unless you try to hock the kids to buy weed. I think being intentionally impaired in front of kids is bad form, but not necessarily DCFS stuff. Especially if (as in this case) everyone was our in public and safe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NASDAQ Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Also, what do you think she's doing that starts a fire but isn't pot? Do you think a parent of a kid on your son's baseball team is smoking crack or something? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Oh please. I made no such assumption. My question was whether responders think this behavior is acceptable. IOW, if you don't think it is reportable, do you think it is acceptable? You answered. Thanks for that. But your condescension about my so-called assumptions was uncalled for. Frankly, though I appreciate the responses, I am surprised at the number who would not do anything because I do not have the results of a drug test in front of me. If a mom is stoned out of her mind on a Sunday morning, I don't see how she is a fit custodial parent. And really, she was stoned. This was not Benadryl. You all have given me a lot to think about, so thanks for taking the time to respond. It seems as though you have already made up your mind and evaluated the situation to your satisfaction and wish to report. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CAMom Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Based just on the information you've given here, no I would not report. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 To me, it sounds like child neglect, and I would probably make a call. I would be honest that I don't know the situation fully, but am concerned and relate what you know. In general, child abuse/neglect and domestic violence are not only two of the most common crimes in our country, but also the least reported. We lose over four women and five kids every single day in the US because of them. (Steps off soapbox.) I trust the authorities to investigate things and know what to do. With the emphasis on keeping families together (sometimes to the detriment of the children honestly), I don't worry so much about a removal. Most likely, they will check on Mom, see if she's on meds or what not… and perhaps see if she has the support necessary to be able to parent and deal with her medical issues/addiction. I think that is a glamorized view of what dcfs does when they get a call, call me jaded after my experiences with them but it's not quite like that. Won't go further, but they don't simply check and move on, they turn a family's life upside down even when they have proven that there is nothing wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Χά�ων Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 (edited) Ah ok. I'm not sure experience witnessing one or another necessarily gives someone a clear idea of which is the cause, though. I don't think the OP was saying that lighting a blunt caused the fire. I was under the impression they meant that the parent was out of it when a fire occurred. Who knows why or how it occurred. I could be way off base, though. My point is that the OP has no idea the cause of the parents behavior. I have not inferred the reason for the fire. Others have. I have stated that fires happen for LOTS of reason that have nothing to do with drug use. I will reread my replies to make sure I expressed myself clearly. :) Edited June 2, 2014 by Moderator Edited to remove totally unnecessary snark. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Personally, no I wouldn't report. The fire incident is hearsay and as another poster mentioned it would have been reported by the firefighters if there were an issue. Perhaps she has a sleep disorder and is on Ambien, very weird side effects including hallucinations for some. Legal prescription medication can make a person stoned, perhaps she was on anxiety meds because of the fire. I've seen very legal prescribed meds do funky stuff to people. Did you stick around to make sure she wasn't driving? That would be my only concern and I would have called the police, not social services on that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Χά�ων Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Oops sorry for the confusion. The second part of my post was not directed at you, Queen Goddess of the Deep. OK. :) I was starting to wonder if I was posting past my bedtime and not making sense. I would hate to be misread and assumed to be stoned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeaConquest Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 OP, I am actually shocked that you would think to disrupt people's lives in a serious way based on a single hearsay conversation and no actual evidence of wrongdoing. I have bipolar and an anxiety disorder. When I titrate up on new meds, it is very common for me to experience the kinds of side effects you described. I certainly wouldn't drive under such circumstances, but attend my kid's game with other relatives in tow? Absolutely. This woman could very well be doing right by her family and herself by taking meds. You have no way to know, and I think it is horribly intrusive and presumptuous to involve CPS under these circumstances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 I agree with SeaConquest. I don't think you can tell what a "stoned" person is taking (legal or illegal). Let's assume you ran across one of the moms who is prescribed meds that make her appear "stoned." You are judging that mom for having a need for meds. Would she be a better mom if she, A, didn't take her needed meds, or B, didn't attend her kids' games? Shaming people who dare to go into the public looking impaired is one of the reasons why many people don't take their meds. And that leads to serious problems. So to your question whether I think it is OK for parents to be "stoned" in front of their kids, my answer is yes, if there is a good reason for them to take a drug. I also agree that if there was a fire that was reported to the fire department, the fire department would have seen if there was a need to report the family over an apparent drug issue. Question - if DFCS is called and investigates this family and finds that there is illegal drug use, what do you think they will do about it? In what way exactly will this help the child? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 I'm usually on the side of better-safe-than-sorry in cases of possible child endangerment, but even I think you're reaching here and you don't have any real reason to call. There is no way you can tell if she's on an illegal drug vs. a legal one. I occasionally have to take a large dose of a benzodiazepine to head off a seizure, and I'm sure some people think I'm blasted out of my gourd. If I was at a game with three other adults and someone reported me to DCFS over a drug that I have to take or risk dying, I'd be beyond pissed. I mean, for all you know she has a brain tumor or something. You just don't have any evidence at all that her kids are in danger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Migraine, other headache meds, trigeminal neuralgia meds, epilepsy meds, bipolar or anxiety meds, and any others can make you appear stoned when you're not. I've been at many kids sports events and zoned out. just. don't. care. about. sports. If you go to another game, follow them out to the car and make sure the stoned woman isn't driving. If she is, get the car description and license plate number and call 911. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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