abba12 Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 Having a frustrated little rant, but my sister thinks I'm being unreasonable, so now I'm curious about others opinions regarding 'common courtesy' I was going to the post office yesterday. I was visibly carrying only my purse and a 'pick up slip' for a package, so anyone who looked would have assumed I was just picking up a parcel, which I was, a 2 minute job. As I approach the door I see a woman juggling 3 or 4 bulky packages so I stand and hold the door open for her. As she enters the post office, a woman and her high school child jog up and come through as well, so I continue to hold the door rather than shutting it on them. I then close the door. I turn to get into line, and see both package lady and mother/child have joined the queue, in front of me. Package lady obviously will take awhile, the parcels are custom size, so they each need to be weighed and labeled. The mother and child turn out to be filling in government forms and will require witnessed ID and form check at the counter. Now, if it was me, I would have allowed the person who was there first and kindly held the door open to jump back into queue in front of me, where they would have been if they had not chosen to be helpful. As it turned out, I ended up waiting 10-15 minutes to grab my package while DH and kids sat in the car. To me, it is common courtesy to not cut in infront of someone who holds open a door or otherwise does not join the queue in order to assist you. (unless they don't go straight to the queue) and the second person who scooted in clearly saw what I was doing. Am I being unreasonable and expecting more than is fair? It just really bugged me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 I assume that holding a door in a line-up situation would also imply that you were voluntarily giving up your place in line. I also am not likely to shoulder-check to see if the person behind me in line might match the vague impression I had of someone who held the door. I'm probably inconsiderate. I follow the logic, and, thinking it through I think, yes, it would be right to set a door-holder back into their place in line -- it's just that I'm pretty oblivious in public. If I held a door, I wouldn't be put out if my wait was longer due to my courtesy: I go to the post office with plenty of patience on hand, so I'm fine with a bit of extra waiting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 I'd say unreasonable. I would not have put much thought into it as you have, although I would have been frustrated in general to have to wait behind people who were going to be doing more complex things than I. Such is life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 I think they should have waved you ahead. That would have been the gracious thing to do. But people are distracted and don't always think. I would not dwell in it - it seems like a very small thing, and I think you should choose to not think more about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Outdoorsy Type Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 I always allow a "slip only" person in front of me at the post office when I'm mailing a box. Just like I would let a person with 1-2 items first at the grocery store. Holding the door open would make it even more likely that I would let you go first. I'm guessing not everyone thinks like me, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 I think people are so preoccupied with their own stuff (parcels, forms) that it is quite likely that they didn't assess your situation logically--"she will only take a minute," and they probably didn't notice that you were the same person who held the door to them. I hope I would've noticed you and realized by the slip in your hand that you were there to pick up a package, and clued in that I'd really want to let you ahead in the line, but if I'm carrying 5 packages of different sizes, I'm probably a space cadet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 I would reasonably expect that they would wait and let you go in line first. However, as a PP said, people are preoccupied, and they probably never even thought about it. Even if they noticed you in line behind them, it's very likely they just didn't connect the dots between, "Oh, she held the door open--we should let her in front of us." I'm sorry. I know I am all too often preoccupied, and while I like to think I wouldn't have done this, I'm sure there are far too many times when I just am not paying attention. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I'm with the preoccupied people. I would also like to think that I'd wave the person on ahead. I do typically try to pay attention and will often have someone go ahead of me in the grocery line. But, I think it is just a little bit unreasonable to expect people to know you're going to be quick. They don't know why you are there. You may have had to stop at the desk full of forms to fill something out. They may not have noticed your package pick-up slip or even if they did, they may not know what it's for. Maybe it looked like you were just going to check your PO box and wouldn't even be getting in line. I've also stood waiting a long time for someone with a pickup slip because they didn't have ID ready (or with them at all) or the people in the PO couldn't find the package, etc. I do tend to get angry/frustrated/impatient when I'm waiting in line, particularly when it seems unfair that I have to wait so long. I've been trying to find ways to use that time constructively instead of seething, which is my typical response. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momma2three Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I think it's one of those "no good deed goes unpunished" things. I always try to make sure that the person who held the door for me gets in line first (usually by pretending to dawdle or look at something, so they don't feel obligated to say "No, it's okay, you go first,"), but I think that the general "rules" are that whoever gets to the line first gets to be in line first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mbelle Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 You are right! My Dh holds the door a lot at crowded places and I swear people think it's his job. He's too nice. I don't do that. If people aren't paying attention a little door slamming ought to wake them up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I hold the door for people all the time and never expect anything in return. I likely wouldn't have really noticed or cared that they were in front of me. I think it would have been nice of her to offer to let you go first, but I don't think there was any social obligation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abba12 Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 Just as a side note, I know it's no big deal and I am not sitting here stewing on it :) I was just curious what others thought about the situation. Also, I can see what you mean about being distracted and it just not occuring. I am kind of hyper-aware when out and about due to visual impairment and PTSD, I can't just 'zone out' when I am in public or I end up walking into doors or responding badly to normal situations. So maybe I have a skewed concept of observation! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unfrumpable. Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I say your post office needs an area just for package pick up! ;) I thought those were standard in most POs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I vote for inconsiderate - meaning they didn't stop to consider you, your slip, and the fact that you just held the door for them. But I also vote for unreasonable, in the sense that you cannot reason for other people to do what is right or considerate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I voted other. I don't think it's an unreasonable expectation, but I don't think most people go around trying to be inconsiderate. I've probably done things that could easily be thought inconsiderate, but I never meant it that way. I was totally preoccupied with kids or all the errands I had to run or something else. I know that's not an excuse for inconsiderate behavior, but there it is. Sometimes people are so busy - even mentally trying to figure out how they're going to get everything done before dinner - that they fail to stop and move out of themselves. I try to do that. Normally I would let someone just picking up a pkg go in front of me or the person holding the door, but then again I might be off in la la land. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I wouldn't expect people to make the connection that since I am not carrying a package then my business will be brief. Most people are rather clueless about that, me included. Also, doesn't your post office have someone who just does "held mail" and packages and things like that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I'm another one who's post office doesn't just do parcel pick-up - unless the line is huge and someone just happens to wander into the front and notices and asks for package slips. Otherwise, you wait....and wait...... About your question: Our family motto "Seek to never inconvenience other people." and it has become an ingrained habit most of the time. Consequently, we frequently are the door holders! So, I would be the one standing there as people walked by and then standing in line wishing other people had the same philosophy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaillardia Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Going to stand in line for anything is always an inconvenience. I think it is strange how it worked out, I think it was rude for the other two people to just slip in while you're holding the door when they don't have any need for someone to hold the door for them. Saturday we had been standing in line for about 20 minutes at the vet's rabies vax clinic outside in the cold with a 15 pound cat in a crate. There were dogs in front, behind and on either side of us. A lady in front of me with one dog had been chatting with me a good bit. In front of her were a young guy with two young ladies, they had 3 dogs. His mother walks past us to him with her young daughter and FOUR dogs. I said, "you're butting in line and I think it's rude. You should wait like the rest of us." (I can't believe I just opened my mouth and out came nervy). She said, "No, my son is holding the line for me." I said, "no he's not. You're butting in line with four more dogs and it is rude." The lady in front of me turned around and shaking her fists said it made her so mad. She tried to stay tight in line but the lady with her family and seven dogs went ahead. I told her it's just not worth it to get bent out of shape, but she was more ready to than I. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I'm another one who's post office doesn't just do parcel pick-up - unless the line is huge and someone just happens to wander into the front and notices and asks for package slips. Otherwise, you wait....and wait...... About your question: Our family motto "Seek to never inconvenience other people." and it has become an ingrained habit most of the time. Consequently, we frequently are the door holders! So, I would be the one standing there as people walked by and then standing in line wishing other people had the same philosophy. I don't think most people seek to inconvenience others. Sure, there are always inconsiderate people but in my life I've encountered more that are polite. Not holding the door for people to let them go ahead of you does not inconvenience them. It helps them if someone holds the door, but if no one was there they'd get the door open. If you are acting as doorman (doorperson?) so frequently that you are inconvenienced, maybe you should change your technique and go through the door first, holding it open till they can hold it themselves, but still keeping yourself in front of them. No inconvenience to anyone! I've never been in a post office that has a separate parcel pickup line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I think you're being unreasonable. I've never expected to be given the place in line I would have had if I had not help open the door (and no one has ever allowed me to go in front after holding the door). I've also never thought to let someone ahead of me who held the door open. It's just not something I've seen done, had done for me, or thought of doing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 People genuinely seem clueless at times. My DS held the exit gate at Epcot for the family behind us, then he got stuck holding it because he didn't want it to slam on a little kid. People were locked in to their destination and not paying any attention. Obviously he didn't work there, kwim? I do think people should be more aware of their surroundings and get out of the "everyone exists to serve me and my needs" mentality. ;) I wouldn't let a package slip person in front of me at the post office (unless it had been a door holder situation) because the PO employees disappear into the back for eons. I think they go smoke a cigarette even if they don't smoke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I think it is unreasonable of you to expect that they would wave you ahead to the point that you are upset about it. I do things like holding the door open for someone with no expectation that they will reciprocate. It's nice if they do, but my behavior isn't dependent on someone else's. (Not saying yours is.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Our post office has automatic doors, but I wouldn't expect anyone to hold a place in line for me if I held the door open at a smaller one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I would let you ahead if I thought about it be I assume when people hold doors that they are letting me in front of them. If I hold the door for someone I wouldn't expect them to then let me ahead of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Eh, when I hold doors, I assume that I'm also forfeiting my place in line. Yes, this. I hold doors all the time, and assume that means they are going in front of me. And when someone holds the door for me I go in front of them. It's awkward otherwise...they hold the door, I go through the door, I'm not blocking their way into the building...am I supposed to step sideways or something to let them around me? It just disrupts the flow. I therefore don't think they were inconsiderate at all, probably just operating on the same assumptions I do, which is that by opening the door for them you are saying they can go in first, which in my mind means they stay in front of you. Otherwise it seems like some weird square dance routine, lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I'm pretty observant, but I would make no assumptions about your visit being quicker simply because you only had a slip of paper. Holding the door kind of implies you're letting them go ahead and it's quite likely they didn't even think about returning the favor by letting you go ahead. I might be miffed, but would make no assumptions about what the other person thought about my reason for being there. Our post office has only one front desk person at any one time except the holiday time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 The lady with the packages may have had to return home to a sick mother. The woman and child may have had a birthday to celebrate. Who knows? No good deed goes unpunished. From now on slam doors in people's faces. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I would not have even thought about it. I would not expect it. I would think to let someone ahead of me in those circumstances, but I wouldn't be bothered in the slightest if they did not do it for me. I guess I'm fortunate enough to rarely be in a big hurry. So I don't get stressed about going through a line quickly or not. I'm confused by your answers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 They probably weren't even thinking. Seriously. Sometimes when I have a lot on my mind I do things (like go ahead in line when the person behind me clearly has something smaller) and then later think "oh good grief, I should have thought to offer for that person to go ahead." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 The lady with the packages may have had to return home to a sick mother. The woman and child may have had a birthday to celebrate. Who knows? No good deed goes unpunished. From now on slam doors in people's faces. Or she could pretend to be holding the door and really trip everyone as they walk in. Or as they are walking past her, knock the packages out of their hands and get in line whilst they are picking them up. Or...this is my favorite...don't hold the door, then when she gets inside, yell out, "A truck just hit a bunch of cars in the lot and is driving away!" That will clear out the line, sending her right to the front! :lol: FWIW, I voted inconsiderate. So my post is meant to be funny and an extension of Minnie's joke of from now on, slam the door in people's faces. I hold the door for people, and usually they let me in front of them in line. Sometimes not. It won't make me stop holding the door. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Holding a door is sign language for "After you." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 Eh, when I hold doors, I assume that I'm also forfeiting my place in line. Same here. If you're doing a truly nice thing for others it should generally be done without any expectations of what you might get out of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MistyMountain Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 Eh, when I hold doors, I assume that I'm also forfeiting my place in line. I do too. It actually wouldn't even occur to me to let someone in line in front of me. I hate going to the post office and am extremely distracted there. I definitely don't pay attention to the tasks strangers in a post office are doing and how long it will take. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 i think you did a lovely thing, that has become all too rare. forty years ago, everyone did it, and so there was a common courtesy already established and regularly practiced and therefore generally known. now is not then. now, we do polite things because of who we are, not because it will be returned, or even acknowledged. so i'd encourage you to keep doing it, but to let go the expectation of gracious behavior reciprocated. then, if it is, you can be pleasantly surprised. fwiw, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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