What does your husband do?

[jillian]

So my husband is looking for something to get him out of the house that is fairly inexpensive. He has golf clubs but complains that the range fees are "too much". He has access to base so it's not that pricey. He had a compound bow that he is now trying to sell because he doesn't have time. He won't go to shoot any of our guns because ammo "costs too much".

He literally finds an excuse for EVERYTHING and it makes me nuts. He is introverted big time and I understand that but something has to be done. He can literally sit at home for days without leaving if he doesn't have to go to work, just going from the kitchen, to the garage, to the bedroom to the bathroom and back to the couch.

[creekland]

Mine is a workaholic who works from our house (Civil Engineering), so in his "free time" he's almost always still working unless we are doing something with the family.

 

In the rare times that he actually does something, he reads Sail and Ocean Navigator magazines, does sudoku puzzles, hunts (in season), fishes (rarely now), or might take his sailboard out to a nearby state park (again, in season).  Occasionally he'll work on some sort of "fun" project in his workshop.  However, in general, I think he just plain LIKES working, so that's what he does.

 

When the kids were around we loved geocaching.  Maybe your guy would like that?

 

We also tend to tape a variety of shows from TV and catch an hour of those per day (sometimes two), but he never watches those on his own (none of us do), only when it's a family - or couple - affair.

[DawnM]

My husband is a former golf pro, so golfing is his passion.  He bought a 5 year membership to the local golf courses and has full access.  He goes often.

 

He also loves woodworking and makes things in his spare time, including working on the house/building.

 

Dawn

 

 

[Joyofsixreboot]

My husband is very much like yours. Sometimes I have him come grocery shopping with me so he will have done something during the week besides go to work.

[----]

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[creekland]

My husband is very much like yours. Sometimes I have him come grocery shopping with me so he will have done something during the week besides go to work.

 

My guy often comes grocery shopping with me too.  We jokingly call it one of our planned "dates."  When we really splurge, we'll hit the grocery store, post office and bank.  ;)  (We laugh, but it DOES give us time out together that we tend to enjoy.  "Middle aged dates.")

 

[Jane in NC]

My husband becomes a member of the paparazzi in his free time.  Stalking the birds with his camera, that is.

 

He walks daily, kayaks in season (which for us is about year round).  His homebrewing hobby took him out on Saturday.  A mutual friend needed assistance with part of his homebrewing and asked my husband over to help.

 

He is a busy corporate guy though.  There are times of the year when he works a gillion hours, comes home to crash with a book, and then wakes up to do it all over again.  I plan outings on days off during those times so that he will get some exercise and fresh air.

[bettyandbob]

Dh works a lot. If he's not at work he's taking youngest to his special Olympics stuff while I'm at work.

 

When dh finds time he likes to sit and read. He loves researching linguistics, literature, obscure history. Sometimes he works on projects around the house and builds stuff.

 

I like to get out for a while I was active in a running club. I went to weekly walks or runs. It was a good introvert activity,. You met a group, but you don't have to talk to a lot of people if you aren't up for it. If you don't want a club,you can lookup map my run online and find interesting routes to try walk or run near you. Bike riding is great too.you do not need the latest model racing bike. If dh doesn't have a bike get one off free cycle. Look for something cheap on craigslist.

 

My community center has a woodworking club. They use the tools at the center and build toys that they give to the shelter. Both my community center offer classes that would help explore a possible new hobby. Woodworking, gardening and assorted related activities ,Ike building a composted, ceramics, astronomy,bird watching and chances to participate in bird counts, geology of our area -- something you can practice while hiking.

[Ausmumof3]

Mine reloads his own ammo, double bonus of something to do and saves money when he does go shooting. He also works on the hobby farm a lot.

 

Do you want him out the house? Sounds like he needs a shed.

[Catherine]

Ditto here on the long work hours, lack of outside interests, and general introverted-ness. When dh is attending on the inpatient service (he is a psychiatrist at an academic medical center) he is often working more than 12 hours a day, so he is physically and emotionally exhausted when he's not at work. Those months, it's general reading, online or books, doing the NYT crossword, or a house project if I specifically ask him. But a lot of the other time, we do stuff that I plan : ) if we do anything at all. And generally that is short hikes, working on our 100 yo house, going to movies. He's a movie buff so we even do Netflix or rented movies at home. We also work out at a gym together a few times a week.

[JustEm]

My dh plays online videogames in his free time.  He used to play D&D and still would if he didn't work so much

[Donna]

My husband is handy so he is always puttering around the house or in his garage or reading different books or watching videos about how to do or make something. He also helps out with the housework, loves to cook, and does all the grocery shopping. He rarely sits.

[Veritaserum]

My husband enjoys cycling and racing RC cars. RC cars are not inexpensive, though. My dad loves hiking. That's free. He goes alone or with a friend or family member. He's constantly inviting us to go with him. "Hey, I'm going to hike across the Grand Canyon next month. Want to come?" Ha!

[jillian]

My husband is very much like yours. Sometimes I have him come grocery shopping with me so he will have done something during the week besides go to work.

 

 

My dh plays online videogames in his free time.  He used to play D&D and still would if he didn't work so much

 

 

Ditto here on the long work hours, lack of outside interests, and general introverted-ness. When dh is attending on the inpatient service (he is a psychiatrist at an academic medical center) he is often working more than 12 hours a day, so he is physically and emotionally exhausted when he's not at work. Those months, it's general reading, online or books, doing the NYT crossword, or a house project if I specifically ask him. But a lot of the other time, we do stuff that I plan : ) if we do anything at all. And generally that is short hikes, working on our 100 yo house, going to movies. He's a movie buff so we even do Netflix or rented movies at home. We also work out at a gym together a few times a week.

 

Oh yeah he works a lot but not as much as he used to. He works rouhgly 5am-3pm but he is really introverted so it's difficult but it's military so his politics don't have to be as "on" as it would be in the civilian world. I just need him to have something that requires him to be involved and not in pjs sitting on the couch. I totally am supportive of any and all activities he would like to do, just something to have something to talk about. He can have solitary activities but honestly if I don't pull or force him into the conversation he wouldn't talk for days, and after being with dd, I need the adult conversation

[Wheres Toto]

Dh's big hobby is fishing. He hasn't gone much in the past few years since the boat isn't working and we haven't had the money to get it fixed.   That was more an every other weekend thing during the Spring/Summer/Fall - not a daily or frequent activity.  He would fish in the ocean so it meant traveling down to South Jersey.

 

We go camping as a family in season (which usually includes some fishing).

 

During this time of year and during the week, Dh basically goes to work (he's working really long hours now) comes home to watch tv and play online poker.

[Plink]

Oh yeah he works a lot but not as much as he used to. He works rouhgly 5am-3pm but he is really introverted so it's difficult but it's military so his politics don't have to be as "on" as it would be in the civilian world. I just need him to have something that requires him to be involved and not in pjs sitting on the couch. I totally am supportive of any and all activities he would like to do, just something to have something to talk about. He can have solitary activities but honestly if I don't pull or force him into the conversation he wouldn't talk for days, and after being with dd, I need the adult conversation

Gently - It sounds like the issue isn't his activities, but yours. Some people just don't want a whole lot of hobbies outside of the house. Why don't you join a club that meets during his off hours so that you can get the social interaction that you are craving.

 

It never works to force a hobby on someone else.

[Jenny in Florida]

My husband has really struggled to find fun things to do in his free time that are more interesting than watching TV. He is somewhat limited by back pain stemming from an injury he suffered in his early 20s. Some days he's in better shape and more mobile than he is on other days, which makes planning for regularly scheduled activities somewhat difficult. It's been tough for him, especially since he ends up spending a good number of evenings at home along while I am driving kids (now teens) around to activities.

 

For the last three or so years, though, he has been getting together a couple of times a month with some guys he used to work with to play D&D and other RPGs. They gather after work on a Friday evening, order pizza and play until midnight or so. Recently, he's been taking our son with him, which is great for both of them.

 

We cut cable about a year ago, but he does watch a lot of movies and documentaries on Netflix. He usually has the laptop going at the same time, either working or playing something online.

 

We have season tickets for a local theatre, and between that and seeing whatever shows or performances our kids are in, he is in the audience for something at least a couple of times a month.

 

He also likes to go to the farmers' market at a local park on Sunday afternoons. Often, he'll bring home goodies from there along with a movie from Redbox, and he and our son will spend the afternoon snacking and watching something together or playing a board or card game.

 

That's about it, to be honest.

[Amira]

Gently - It sounds like the issue isn't his activities, but yours. Some people just don't want a whole lot of hobbies outside of the house. Why don't you join a club that meets during his off hours so that you can get the social interaction that you are craving.

 

It never works to force a hobby on someone else.

This is what I was going to say. It sounds like you might have a great opportunity to get out in the afternoon or evening since he gets home early.

[Above The Rowan]

Mine works a lot also (Mining Engineering), but in his free time he snowboards, skateboards, plays video games. Most of our free time, we do things with the kids but once in a while he'll go spend a day with the guys and go paintballing or we'll go hiking. 

ETA he also likes to golf but doesn't get to do that as often as he'd like (we have a pretty short season here lol)

[AmyontheFarm]

Mine is an adrenaline monkey.  That's why he is a volunteer fireman.  It's the only local hobby around that I know of which pays the volunteers a stripend and pays for their funerals <-- which I have no desire to take advantage of.

[Gentlemommy]

Mine travels for work all the time, so when he's not working we are trying to spend time with him. These are things we do together.

Rock climbing/rappelling (either at a gym or the mountain)

Hiking

Archery

Gym workout-not at an exercise gym, at a gymnasium. They practice stunts for work, and the kids come play.

[texasmama]

My husband volunteers at the church food outreach ministry (he takes our boys with him) every other week.  He goes to men's breakfasts at the church once a month.  A friend from high school asked to go once and has been going with him since so this is social time for him.  Also, he coaches our two sons' JV homeschool basketball team, which takes up an inordinate amount of time and energy during the six months of the year season. 

 

He is introverted like your dh, but he has chosen activites that either make him feel good due to helping others or are a passion of his.  And then the church breakfasts are just fun - he likes the pastor.

 

At this point in his life, he does more social stuff than I do.

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

As a card-carrying husband, my first reaction to the OP is that the guy has moderate depression, which I've had, and that's what it can look like. Yout first step should be to explore that route with a medical professional (not a GP).

[regentrude]

Mine works a lot, even from home; he is a theoretical physicists and just loves what he does.

He also hikes and rock climbs.

[marbel]

My husband works a lot and also serves as an ordained teacher (sort of like associate pastor) at our church.  He does read a lot - mostly research for sermons or Sunday School classes, and works around our broken-down house, stuff like that.  Sometimes he has meetings with the other church leaders; sometimes he does some counseling so he is often out in the evening.  Sometimes he and my son watch an episode of 24 together, or we watch Dr Who or a movie.  He'd like to go fishing and shooting, and has the stuff, but it just doesn't fit into his life right now.  

[FaithManor]

My husband is very much like Creeland's. He works too much - Oracle Database Architect.

 

But in his off time, he is a 4H STEM club leader, mentors a competitive rocketry team, does a little

woodworkng, flies remote control airplanes, cross country skiing in the winter, trout and bass fishing

May through September. I have to say that none of his hobbies are inexpensive, but he works so hard for

us that I've never begrudged the spending.

 

OP is there some sort of hobby that your dh could do along with a child so he would feel better about

the spending? Often a parent does not mind the money when it benefits the child? Archery, joining a 4H

club and doing the projects with that child, nature hiking with the kids, biking, etc. I have a friend

whose hubby is just like your dh, but if she finds something for one of the children to he involved in

and tellsnhim she'd really like J to have the opportunity to try it but doesn't have the time, he nearly

always steps up to the plate.

[sheryl]

At first I thought you asked for dh's occupation/profession.

 

A hobby?  My dh sounds like your dh.  My dh works M-F and we have a high maintenance house, so I'm afraid that zaps a lot f energy from him.  But, in keeping with tradition started by his grandfather and dad, dh continues in his coin collection and attends a monthly (local) coin club meeting.  He "really" likes this.  It gets him out even though it's only once a month and he can socialize and "work" on his hobby. 

 

He is NOT a golfer.  He loves to "watch" sports, but doesn't participate in them really.  However, dh, dd and I will go on bike rides and hikes together in the spring, summer and fall.  That is not dh only though.

 

We are planning to sell our house and buy another (local move) and there is "much" to prepare in the house.  After we move, our next house should be less high maintenance and he'll have more free time to explore other pursuits. 

 

Right now, b/c he is a pack rat, there is much to purge and place in circular file, donate, etc. 

 

Have you considered enrolling him in a community college class?  Or, find a dance program and take up dance lessons together.  That would include you, but that would be fun. Dh and I did that when we dated in college and it was fun!

 

 

[thessa516]

Disc golf. Check to see if there are any courses near you. A couple of discs and you're set to play. 

[nrg]

My husband does TONS of community service and projects loosely tied with his work. He enjoys service clubs and organizing projects for the food bank, various health related charitable organizations, and anything else he can find. He also plays the bagpipes, complete with kilt, for parades, funerals, etc. He also enjoys church and historical research. We do Toastmasters together, too.

[Kim in Appalachia]

My dh likes to run.  He also enjoys swimming and cycling, but mostly he runs.  He also enjoys his garden.  The garden is his baby and he loves to be outside working it.

 

My dh is also introverted (so am I).  Running is great for people who need alone time. 

[Caroline]

My DH coaches soccer in his spare time. He does work a lot of hours as a software designer for an international software company. He manages people all over the world, so he often keeps odd hours. He is a work at home dad, so he spends a lot of time with our kids. But for fun, he coaches soccer. He started as a rec coach when our now college freshman was in first grade. He is now on the paid coaching staff of a large soccer club. Besides just coaching the teams, he attends coach training with managers of some of the English teams a couple of times a year. (West Ham, Chelsea, and Tottenham to name a few.) He plays in coaches games and an adult league. Our social circle is mostly other soccer families, now. With four kids who play, we have met a lot of people over the years.

[jillian]

I do get out quite regularly, at least once or twice a week with friends or doing something. I guess my issue is that he has nothing to contribute to a conversation. We rarely have conversation anymore because he doesn't have anything to talk about.

 

He will do stuff with dd no questions asked. He will take her out to hit golf balls (they each have their own set of clubs), they'll kick a soccer ball back and forth but he has issues spending money on anything so doing something that he enjoys is difficult for him. I have been trying to get him into at home beer brewing because he has expressed a lot of interest over and over but he complains about the cost

[carriede]

My DH is an aerospace engineer. I might find him doing any if the following on a weeknight:

 

- Reading random Internet stuff, usually news related.

- working with his Arduino One

- listening to comedy on Spotify

- watching lectures on open course ware in iTunes

- working in the garage on his latest woodworking project (he just finished a bunk bed for the kids)

- listening to music in general, while doing nothing else

- researching recipes he may or may not ever make

- rough housing with the kids

- works out in the garage (he has a punching bag and weights)

- yard work

[Lizzie in Ma]

In my husband's rare-sih free time he loves to read, play video games with the kids or alone.  He adores cooking and I love it when he does.  He also plays guitar, dulcimer and ukelele and loves to do that for hours.

We all enjoy watching movies together.  For years he brewed beer but hasn't had the time, he would love to do more of that.  All his favorite things are around the house though.

[PrairieSong]

My dh works a lot of hours, but also jogs, putters around on the family farm, watches his favorite college team (we often watch with him), watches movies sometimes, and takes me out on dates. He golfs a little but wants to start golfing more.

[Guest]

As an introverted big time person I'm perfectly happy to not leave the house for days.  Is he looking for something to get him out of the house, or are you looking to get him out of the house?  I'm not clear on that part exactly.

 

I do have hobbies, but they are all things I can do at home.  Every time I've signed up for stuff outside of the house it fizzled because it is too difficult for me to motivate myself to go somewhere. 

 

As to what it is my husband does?  Same as me.  He doesn't go out either.  He collects stamps, watches detective movies and soccer, listens to music, tinkers with electronics and his computers, and fixes stuff around the house.  In the summer he gardens.  That's about it.

:iagree: with all this. I am also introverted and don't really like going out of the house. My dh is introverted, but not as much as I am. He works a lot (another engineer) and in his free time he is working in his garage, on his cars, around the house. He also enjoys watching TV. He volunteers at our church, doing the sound board. It gets him out, but it's not a high stress thing for him. Another thing I thought of is mountain biking. We used to do that when we lived in CA; not so much since we've moved. It's pricy to get your bike (although you can find them used) and possibly shoes, helmets, and accessories, but after that it's basically a free activity.

[Garga]

My DH loves the weather. He teaches meteorology as an adjunct at a community college. Whenever there's a 'weather event' somewhere in the world, he's glued to the internet. He knows where to find all those obscure weather sites that the meteorologists frequent. He will sit for hours and hours on those weather sites reading about the subtle changes in the weather as a storm approaches. He likens it to watching a sporting event. First, the weather seems to be winning, but then it loses steam over the mountains or in the gulf--back and forth.

 

When he's on the church board, he spends time going to the meetings and then doing all the work in between meetings. He's the one who figures out what technology a church needs (office staff, a projector, music sound stuff) and researches the best costs. He's not on the board now, so he has a little more free time.

 

He helps his mom and dad with projects and sometimes does little projects around our house. Our sink needs to be fixed. He'll do that today (he has off work.)

 

He loves Doctor Who--all 50 years of it, and will watch old Doctor Who episodes from the 60s-80s (he watches them a lot), and he'll listen to radio Doctor Who episodes.

 

He surfs the internet.

 

Every weekend we hang out with another couple and their kids. We eat dinner, chit-chat, and sometimes watch something Doctor Who related.

 

Basically, except for the few little projects and our one group of friends, all fo DHs hobbys involve sitting in front of the computer. I know it relaxes him, but I have been thinking recently I need to get him out from behind that computer when he's home with us.

[redsquirrel]

Well, he is an amateur musician and is in two bands. He is all self taught. Right now he is teaching himself bass guitar for something new. Two bands means he is committed to rehearsals and performances.

 

He reads, He loves to run, he plays online games, he plays other games with friends like warhammer. The boys like to play games as well and the three of them spend a lot of time doing that together.

 

He has been on the board of the church and he got certified to teach OWL at the church. He's not doing either right now.

 

He is also a 'ballet dad'. Both our boys are dancers and I can't go into the boys dressing rooms etc. So, he does all the back stage stuff with them. He has learned to apply stage makeup and checks costumes and is pretty involved with the school.

[flyingiguana]

Plays guitar, takes pictures (and works long hours getting them just right), and gardens.  He'd do woodworking if he had time.  He also used to spend a lot of time with his aquariums, but they've been kind of lost by the wayside as his guitar took over.

[Splash]

My dh works a lot and is often in need of sleep, so naps are big around here. This year though I thought it was time for him to do something he enjoyed for himself, to get out and be with guys. Kids were older, stable and doing well.(we've had a hard five years where neither of us really had much free time or energy)

 

He chose to go back to being a basketball referee after taking 7 years off. He is so happy and loving it. I thought funny choice for a guy who gets up normally at 3 for work and isn't home until 3 a lot of days, but he is excited and doing well. (he works part time for UPS in am so we have health benefits, otherwise we're self employed)

 

My husband needs to move and be active.

 

Me I need quiet time to myself to recharge.

[regentrude]

 He is introverted big time and I understand that but something has to be done. He can literally sit at home for days without leaving if he doesn't have to go to work, just going from the kitchen, to the garage, to the bedroom to the bathroom and back to the couch.

 

And that is a problem because???

You write that it drives YOU nuts. Is your DH unhappy? Or is it you who can't stand that he does not get out?

 

[jillian]

He is kind of just not happy and not upset about it. He has things he would like to do I suppose but doesn't because he's afraid of spending the money. He use to have interests and hobbies but in the last couple years it's gotten so much worse to the point where he rarely speaks at all if he is at home. It's hurting our relationship

[jillian]

Phoenix, yeah my hubby is an engineer with the military. It's not even so much as getting out of the house as it is about moving around and doing something, anything. Tinker in the garage, hit golf balls into the net you bought on the yard, go for a run something. Just move and do something. It doesn't have to be out of the house but for a long time his excuses were he didn't have the equipment or there was nothing around. Well now there is stuff around and he has the equipment and he makes new excuses. We have nothing to connect over and it is troublesome to me. I admit that.

 

His routine:

Come home from work

Either workout and shower or shower and then put on pjs

Get glass of jack and coke or whiskey and water and sip on that until he relaxes enough to take a nap on the couch, wake up, eat dinner, lay on couch while I give dd a bath and get her ready for bed.

Comes upstairs tucks her in and then goes back to the couch.

[73349]

Have you considered a newspaper or magazine subscription as a gift?

[LucyStoner]

My husband works 32 hours a week and is in school full time. He's busy enough the showering and bike commuting counts as personal time. When he is not working or studying he is spending time with us. When he does catch an hour for his own hobbies, he studies languages, sings, plays guitar and piano, draws or makes something. He reads but not a lot outside of technical stuff for school just now which given his schedule is understandable.

[regentrude]

He is kind of just not happy and not upset about it. He has things he would like to do I suppose but doesn't because he's afraid of spending the money. He use to have interests and hobbies but in the last couple years it's gotten so much worse to the point where he rarely speaks at all if he is at home. It's hurting our relationship

 

Is there anything the two of you (or even the entire family) can do together? Does he do anything actively with your daughter?

How does he react when you suggest that you could go for a hike or visit a museum on the weekend?

What happens if you initiate the action?

It would not bother me so much that he does not do something by himself (my DH does not, except for work), but it would bother me if he is not an active participant in family life.

[Joker]

His free time is mostly spent with us. He doesn't plan to do things on his own actually. He does volunteer some on his own but that's usually done during the work week. His company allows so many days per year for community service and it counts as work time.

 

If we have a long stretch where he is home with us and we have nothing planned, he likes to write. He's written several books that always have characters resembling our dds and when he's done he reads it to them. Oldest likes to edit his work and send it off to publishers. Nothing has come of that yet, but he keeps writing and she keeps sending it out there. :tongue_smilie:

[jillian]

Is there anything the two of you (or even the entire family) can do together? Does he do anything actively with your daughter?

How does he react when you suggest that you could go for a hike or visit a museum on the weekend?

What happens if you initiate the action?

It would not bother me so much that he does not do something by himself (my DH does not, except for work), but it would bother me if he is not an active participant in family life.

We are a pretty laid back family but if we have plans to do something or I ask him to come for a run with us he is on board. I think because conversation is so important to me and helps me feel connected it is hard when he could go days without talking

[jillian]

Have you considered a newspaper or magazine subscription as a gift?

His comment is "I can read it for free online".

 

He hasn't been pleasant lately for the most part

[TheAutumnOak]

My husband is a self professed "jock" and loves sports, working out, and mountain biking...When he is not at work he is usually

 

- playing outside with the kids (I have three boys and he spends a lot of time with them)

- doing yard work or some kind of work around the house

- playing inside the house with the kids

- watching a Netflix movie with me

- baking something with the kids or doing some sort of craft with them

- going window shopping or actual shopping with me

- mountain biking through the woods when the weather is warm enough

- working out at the gym

- listening to me go on and on about whatever happened on the forums or where ever that day

 

I can never understand how my husband has enough energy to work all day and come home and do more stuff...He is very active and not lazy at all...Some people are just like that...I like to relax more than he does  :tongue_smilie: