would you cook for this child?

[Mandylubug]

My 11 yr old DS decided to sleep till 11:45am. That's fine. However, he's wanting me to cook him pancakes or eggs. He knows how to cook eggs and he could Google a recipe for pancakes. Typically, our household fends for themselves for breakfast and lunch. If I'm in the kitchen and cooking or making sandwiches, I offer to fix food for others and do so happily and frequently. Many wait till I get up to prepare something to ask and that is fine. My issue here is DS slept late. I've already been in the kitchen twice and have cleaned up. There are many options including sandwiches, dips and chips, cereal, salad, cooking eggs, etc. Instead, he feels I'm being unfair by not cooking him his requested foods. I personally feel like this isn't Waffle House. He chose to sleep in and he can choose to fix him something to eat now. He's just laying in my floor feeling sorry for himself, lol.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I don't see why he can't make it himself.  My just turned 12 year old can cook those foods easily.  

[KarenNC]

Nope, he's on his own. Just step over him as you go about your business.

 

[Mandylubug]

I don't see why he can't make it himself. My just turned 12 year old can cook those foods easily.

Oh he most definitely can. He is just choosing to be a snot and made me feel guilty for a wee bit but I've gotten over my guilt. He's in his room, playing minecraft and screaming across the house "is my food ready yet?" Yeah, NOPE! Not gonna happen and his future wife will thank me one day, lol!

[Lara in Colo]

nope.  and if the 'tude continues he won't see dinner either

[Mom in High Heels]

No.  He chose to sleep late and missed breakfast  If he wants eggs or pancakes, he can make them himself.  Indy is 11, and he can cook eggs with stuff added in (salsa, cheese, peppers, meats). 

[Jean in Newcastle]

The yelling for food would clinch it for me.  You're right about his future wife thanking you!  

[zoobie]

Lol. No. I honestly can't imagine any of mine asking.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

No, because of attitude.

[Danestress]

My first reaction was 'yes' because I love having boys who receive a lot of 'mother love' through food related acts of service.

 

But since he is being snotty, I guess you made the right choice.

[nmoira]

The yelling for food would clinch it for me. You're right about his future wife thanking you!

It reminds me of William H. Macy's character in Pleasantville: "Where's my dinner?" :)

[DragonFaerie]

I read part of your post to my DD (12).  Her face was priceless!  She scrunched up her nose and said, "I can make my own food!"  :lol:

[Lady Marmalade]

Oh he most definitely can. He is just choosing to be a snot and made me feel guilty for a wee bit but I've gotten over my guilt. He's in his room, playing minecraft and screaming across the house "is my food ready yet?" Yeah, NOPE! Not gonna happen and his future wife will thank me one day, lol!

 

I don't know... the extra attitude you're now getting might make me declare the kitchen closed for everyone.  If he wanted something to eat at that point it would be PB&J or cold cereal.

[marbel]

I wouldn't cook at that point, especially since he knows how to make a few things. (I wouldn't assume all 11-year-olds can cook eggs on their own.)  Is it typical for him to sleep that late? Is it typical for him to have a tantrum like that?   Maybe he's not feeling well and it's coming out as attitude?   Just wondering because if such a thing happened in my house it would be because something else was going on with the kid.

[Mandylubug]

I wouldn't cook at that point, especially since he knows how to make a few things. (I wouldn't assume all 11-year-olds can cook eggs on their own.) Is it typical for him to sleep that late? Is it typical for him to have a tantrum like that? Maybe he's not feeling well and it's coming out as attitude? Just wondering because if such a thing happened in my house it would be because something else was going on with the kid.

Well, he has started not going to sleep when sent to bed lately. Today is just a non medicated day and he fights me all day over stupid stuff.

[marbel]

Well, he has started not going to sleep when sent to bed lately. Today is just a non medicated day and he fights me all day over stupid stuff.

 

You mean he refuses to go to sleep?   Does he leave the lights on and do stuff?  Or is he unable to fall asleep?

[Tammyla]

I'm not sure what you mean by non-medicated day and the yelling would bother me.  (If a child has a medical condition, I would be more understanding and flexible.)  However, I intentionally tend not to hear whining or yelling; walk over and politely ask or I ignore the fussing.

 

 

Just for future ease of the morning.  Pancakes can be made ahead of time and easily reheated; the same goes for lots of breakfast foods like quiches, waffles etc.

[Mandylubug]

You mean he refuses to go to sleep? Does he leave the lights on and do stuff? Or is he unable to fall asleep?

Well, some nights I catch him reading or playing with action figures but it's typically an hour or two later and he's tossed and turned and couldn't fall asleep. I'm sure it is mainly caused by his adhd meds. Some nights he wakes up starving around midnight and i do allow him to eat because he has so little an appetite during the day because of his meds. He needs to gain weight.

[Mandylubug]

I'm not sure what you mean by non-medicated day and the yelling would bother me. (If a child has a medical condition, I would be more understanding and flexible.) However, I intentionally tend not to hear whining or yelling; walk over and politely ask or I ignore the fussing.

 

 

Just for future ease of the morning. Pancakes can be made ahead of time and easily reheated; the same goes for lots of breakfast foods like quiches, waffles etc.

Non-medicated as in today is not a day that he takes his medication for his ADHD. I think you misunderstand me about the yelling, though. He isn't being hateful but more so just raising his voice so that I will hear him. I havent even acknowledged his commentary from his room, lol.

 

There is nothing uneasy about his food choices either, there are plenty of simple open and eat choices. He's just choosing to want something other than what is available and more importantly, He's wanting to be served instead of walking in the kitchen to take care of it himself. He is more than capable.

[SKL]

Did you say he's 11?  That explains it.  :)  Tough turnips, son.

[Mandylubug]

He just emerged from his room and is making cheese toast with pepperoni slices.He's all smiles and singing while he works. Im just going to fold my towels.

[elegantlion]

With the raised voice, no. Sometimes, when I think ds needs to be "babied" a bit more I will cook. Generally it's when I know there is something going on, he can't articulate, but he just needs some TLC. 

 

Otherwise, we keep a bamboo walking pole in the kitchen. It is known as the kitchen staff. It's the only thing that listens politely to orders, yet still doesn't comply. ;)

 

[marbel]

Well, some nights I catch him reading or playing with action figures but it's typically an hour or two later and he's tossed and turned and couldn't fall asleep. I'm sure it is mainly caused by his adhd meds. Some nights he wakes up starving around midnight and i do allow him to eat because he has so little an appetite during the day because of his meds. He needs to gain weight.

 

Ah, I see.  That has been a bit of a problem for us too - ADHD meds affecting night sleep.  Hope you are able to find a good solution soon.  It is hard on my kid when he simply can't get to sleep.  Well, on any kid.

[Hot Lava Mama]

My kids are much better cooks that I am.  I hate cooking.  No, I despise cooking!  I am terrible at it!  I would actually prefer to clean a toilet than cook.  No joke.

 

They never ask me to cook (the bigger ones).  They always choose to cook for themselves.  Perhaps after years of my response to their complaints about my cooking (which was they were to eat what I cooked and keep the complaints to themselves.  If they don't like my cooking, they need to get off of their rear end and cook it themselves!), they have chosen an easier path.

 

Hot Lava Mama

[Plink]

He just emerged from his room and is making cheese toast with pepperoni slices.He's all smiles and singing while he works. Im just going to fold my towels.

 Congratulations Momma!  You were not mean.  He figured it out and recovered quickly.  All will be well with the world - for the next few moments anyway.

[SKL]

My kids are much better cooks that I am.  I hate cooking.  No, I despise cooking!  I am terrible at it!  I would actually prefer to clean a toilet than cook.  No joke.

 

They never ask me to cook (the bigger ones).  They always choose to cook for themselves.  Perhaps after years of my response to their complaints about my cooking (which was they were to eat what I cooked and keep the complaints to themselves.  If they don't like my cooking, they need to get off of their rear end and cook it themselves!), they have chosen an easier path.

 

Hot Lava Mama

 

Right there with you!  :)

 

[trulycrabby]

DS9 has been demanding a drink all afternoon. Each time he asks, I tell him it's in the kitchen and he can pour it himself. So far he is still thirsty and has spent much more energy trying to get me to make the drink than if he just went and poured it himself. "Where's my hassenpheffer!!!!" Yeah, right... :laugh:

[Mandylubug]

DS9 has been demanding a drink all afternoon. Each time he asks, I tell him it's in the kitchen and he can pour it himself. So far he is still thirsty and has spent much more energy trying to get me to make the drink than if he just went and poured it himself. "Where's my hassenpheffer!!!!" Yeah, right... :laugh:

Must be something about today!

[jenn-]

My kids have been getting their own breakfast since they were little bitty.  Daddy cooks on the weekends.  We pull my DD out of bed by 9 on the weekends so she can enjoy breakfast.  I am also slowly turning over lunch to them as well.  I will never forget the day that the three boys all wanted to make their own lunch, so I let them.  It was DD that gaffed at the idea that she might have to fix her own food.  Now I just need to train them to cook dinner.

 

In your situation, my child would most definitely been getting his own food.

[Ellie]

In what world would this happen? Not mine!!! And not yours, either, lol.

 

Tell him to get his buns up off the floor and go be pathetic somewhere else. :nopity:

[kewb]

No, I would not.  Lousy attitude is not rewarded with my cooking.

[happypamama]

If he'd asked me nicely, and there wasn't a pattern of this, I might have made him breakfast, especially if I thought maybe he needed a little extra babying. I mean, who doesn't like a little extra care, y'know? I usually make my own breakfast and coffee, but DH often makes me something on the weekends; this morning, he even poured and doctored my coffee (er, hot my stevia-and-cream caffeine delivery system) and brought it to me, without me even asking, while I was nursing the baby. So yeah, I might have done similarly for a kid.

 

But with the attitude? Nope.

[MomatHWTK]

I would get food in my kid because sleeping late = possibly not feeling well and definitely low blood sugar and that isn't going to solve itself. 

[Guest]

Mine would make them themselves.  

[Flowing Brook]

When I first read the thread title I thought it said "Would you cook this child?"  I thought huh? gotta read this.  After reading I thought she probably feels like cooking him.

 

To answer your question no I would not. You made breakfast. He can either cook his own and clean up afterward or wait for the next meal that you make. If he wants you to cook for him he needs to be available when the food you make is ready. Now if he was nice about asking and it was a rare ocassion I probably would. If I was not busy.

[Tammi K]

In this house, if you want breakfast or lunch, you know where it is stored and how to put it together. If you're hungry, you make yourself something. On the weekends, sometimes DH cooks with the youngest and they make whole grain waffles for the freezer. So, that is always an option. Or there is cereal, or bagels, or muffins, or ramen, or soup, or bread and lunch meat and cheese, peanut butter, or nutella, or leftovers..........

 

I cook dinner and everyone finds what they want for breakfast and lunch if and when they want it. I make sure their or good choices available but it's up to them to get it out and eat it.

[Mrs Mungo]

I usually (not always) make breakfast. But, I only make it once. If you sleep through it, that's not my problem.

[Chris in VA]

I think you handled it very well--you didn't take it too seriously, you didn't make it a hill to die on or become confrontational, you didn't escalate. 

 

Congrats--you are going to make a good parent of a teenager.

[DragonFaerie]

My kids are much better cooks that I am.  I hate cooking.  No, I despise cooking!  I am terrible at it!  I would actually prefer to clean a toilet than cook.  No joke.

 

They never ask me to cook (the bigger ones).  They always choose to cook for themselves.  Perhaps after years of my response to their complaints about my cooking (which was they were to eat what I cooked and keep the complaints to themselves.  If they don't like my cooking, they need to get off of their rear end and cook it themselves!), they have chosen an easier path.

 

Hot Lava Mama

 

This is me, too.  I don't cook.  I hate to cook.  Nobody wants to eat what I cook.  And since I hate it and nobody eats it, why bother?  I buy groceries that my kids can make for themselves, and they prepare their own food for all three meals.  Now sometimes I do get a wild hair and I'll make spaghetti or something, but not very often.  A lot of times, we don't eat dinner anyway.  DS especially just isn't hungry in the evenings.  Obviously, meals are pretty relaxed affairs around here.

[bolt.]

I cook when I cook, and the people who want it eat it. Very easy. I'm nobody's short order cook.

 

However, I'd be about ready to cook a brunch-like-lunch at that time on a weekend morning, so I might indeed consider making one if the requested foods ( if it was appropriately requested) -- specifically, it's even more likely if my sleeper was under the weather or struggling with meds-related issues.

[Dory]

I am not a short order chef. I cook what I cook when I cook it. If the kids choose not to eat that, they will have to make something on their own or go without. On birthdays they get to pick out the meals. That's it, I'll allow suggestions while I'm planning things, but in the end, I cook what I cook and that's it. My oldest is slowly learning to make his favorite breakfast foods and lunch foods. He's 10. If he slept in I would tell him to fend for himself.

[Paige]

I must be the meanest person on this thread. If my kids sleep in until 11:45, they do not get any breakfast- not to mention a special order. It is too close to lunch and they can just wait. If they are whining about starving, they can have a piece of bread or some cold cereal to munch on until lunch is ready.

[Melissa in Australia]

Nope, he's on his own. Just step over him as you go about your business.

 

:iagree: :iagree:

[Tammi K]

I must be the meanest person on this thread. If my kids sleep in until 11:45, they do not get any breakfast- not to mention a special order. It is too close to lunch and they can just wait. If they are whining about starving, they can have a piece of bread or some cold cereal to munch on until lunch is ready.

 

Nope, because I don't even make my kids lunch! And sometimes, on busy days, dinner is 'fend for yourself' too! :laugh:

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Goodness, this thread is making me feel so much better about my kids feeding themselves breakfast and lunch most days. Sometimes I feel so guilty about it not standing in the kitchen all day lovingly making them hot, fresh meals, but I just can't do it. I'm so glad to know I'm not alone. I've even started having them pack their own lunches on co-op days!

 

And yes, it is my oldest kid who gives me the hardest time about not feeding her. She's a little anxious about using the stove/oven. We're working on that :D

[fraidycat]

Some days the whole day is "fend for yourself" around here. It depends on my mood and if I feel like ignoring the comments re: Why did you make this? Or I wanted that. Etc.

 

If my mood is not one where I can comfortably ignore and deflect, I don't feed them because I'm more likely to yell and call them ungrateful turds. :)

 

And, no I would never cook on demand. Ever. And most likely not on a polite request if I had already cooked a meal. I would save some of the meal for the sleeper in the first place, though.

[kiwik]

Depends on how he asked and what mood I was in. I was brought up not to eat anything without asking though (I still feel guilty now if I do) as the food budget was tight and most food was allocated to a meal when it was bought. We always had plenty of fruit and milk from the farm but other than that and water you ate what you were given. My gluten intolerant ds6 could eat a loaf of bread ($8.40) a day if I just let him get food for himself and quite frankly I can't afford it so I am in charge of preparing food although ds6 cooks sometimes under supervision.

[DragonFaerie]

We call it "yo-yo."  "You're on your own."  It's the perfect answer to the age-old, and profoundly annoying, question, "What's for dinner?"  "Yo-yo, whenever you're hungry!" :D

[KrissiK]

Uh, no, I would not. I think sometimes we as parents confuse our duty to our children. Yes, we are obligated to provide food, clothing, shelter and love. But that does not mean that "their wish is our command". Indicating that he is fully welcome to put together his own meal is fulfilling your parental obligation. You are providing food. I wouldn't think anything more about it.

[El...]

Is it his birthday? 

 

Oh, I see not.  I thought it must be his birthday. 

 

I'm reading all these replies for good advice!  My 6yo is "trying on" some interesting new demanding behaviors this week, and it is only Monday. She would normally say please and thank you but today she is pointing and whining.  She's tired; she had a crazy weekend.  I don't really want this to last over Christmas, though!  It doesn't sound fun to me.