Who pays the bills in your house?

[nova mama]

Feel free to comment on how you arrived at this arrangement (e.g., how you grew up, religious beliefs, financial background), how long you have been doing it this way, etc.  Thanks for taking the time to respond!

[nova mama]

Also, how do you feel about the arrangement?  Would you like to be more involved but have resistance from DH?  Would you like DH to be more involved?  Are you happy the way things are?

[Mama Geek]

I pay the bills and have for a long time. I more often want to know where we are money wise than dh does. Most of the stuff is automatic payment, but I balance the checkbook in the financial software and pay just a couple of bills a month. If anything is out of the ordinary I let dh know. I do have a list of bills, when and how to pay them available to dh if something happens to me.

 

We have been married 18 years and all of our assets are ours. I may talk about my bank account or his because we do have 2, but it is only that I am primary on one and he is primary on the other. We both have signature rights on both accounts. it isn't any big deal to either one of us.

[kirstenhill]

I find bills/finances to be super stressful...I voted "husband, with wife's input/knowledge."  I do often pay bills that come in the mail (non-recurring things, like dr bills)...and of course I am doing a lot of spending.  But as far as tracking the budget, scheduling the recurring bills, tracking how we are progressing at paying down debt, making savings decisions, my husband finds it to be much less stressful than I do, so I keep apprised in a general way and let him deal with the nitty gritty.  I can log into Mint and see for myself. but I rarely move the money around like he does.

[ajfries]

Another he makes it I spend it :)

 

I've always paid the bills, and probably always will. DH was 24 and still living at home when we got married (it sounds worse than it was...) but he was working a lot so he never had any bills. He just bought everything with cash.

 

I like handling the finances & budgeting, except when things are tight :) then I tend to feel guilty about stuff...like when I have to tell DH there's no money for XYZ until next pay day.

 

DH has access to everything. All the accounts, the internet banking, the checks, the budget file...he just would rather it be taken care of. I try to update him once a month at least, but his eyes glaze over faster than my 5 year old. As long as he has a roof over his head & food on his table he is content. :) We recently decided to build a deck & so he said "Ok, let's start a deck fund." I was thrilled. Then a month later I mentioned the deck fund and he said, "Oh! I didn't even realize there was a deck fund."

 

Oh dear. But all in all we're both happy with the arrangement.

[AimeeM]

I dunno.

He pays out the majority of the bills, but I do buy groceries, gas, misc out of the bank account. I do KNOW what bills are being paid, but I'm not sure what type of input you're looking for - are bills really up for negotiation or input? Lol. They have to be paid. Many come out of our account automatically. He does work the budget, but I'm well aware what it looks like.

 

We are pretty traditional/conservative. Religious beliefs? Both of us were born and raised Catholic; we are practicing Catholics.

[HSinNH]

Yet another, he makes it, I spend it. He knows what our bills are, so I voted WITH his knowledge. I consult him on larger purchases, but he does not nit-pick day-to-day finances such as groceries. He probably does not need to because I am much more frugal than he is!

[nova mama]

Thank you for all the responses so far!  

 

AimeeM, you're right, bills have to be paid!  :)  There may be some decision making as far the order in which to pay them, or what bills to take on (e.g, car payment, extras like cable).  Also, just knowing how much they are.  And it sounds like you do!  Thanks again for responding.

[jenamiles]

I do it all. I will second the previous poster that said his eyes glaze over faster than a 5 year old.  I have been paying the bills since the week we got married and he deployed to the desert for 6 months. It's just always been that way.  I really do want him to be more involved and it has been a point of contention in the past but for the most part our arrangement of "we make it, we spend it and I tell you when to stop spending it" works.  We also both grew up in households where the women handled ALL of the home stuff, including the finances, so it just kind of naturally fell to me.

[nova mama]

We recently decided to build a deck & so he said "Ok, let's start a deck fund." I was thrilled. Then a month later I mentioned the deck fund and he said, "Oh! I didn't even realize there was a deck fund."

:laugh:  :laugh:

[Mnemosyne]

I pay all the bills, but I let my husband know what the variable amount bills are (water, electricity, etc). We pay the bills with the previous month's income, so we always have the money, but I'm generally the only one that is really wary of the amount of money in each bank account, so I have to notify him when the checking is low (because I moved it all into savings, for example). I prefer to have my husband just use the credit card so we don't have to worry about overdrafting (we pay it off in full every month and get money back too, so it's a win win).

 

I grew up with a more financially responsible family, so I don't know how much that has to do with it, but I just like doing it myself so I know where our money is and so that I know they get paid. My husband is just so busy, I could see him forget to pay a bill or something because he got preoccupied with work. So it just works out for us. 

 

I also decide where to allocate most our money. I ask him what he'll need in his various funds the next month (work, for example) and give him that amount, and then budget the rest where it needs to be. He doesn't really care where it goes, so most of it ends up going towards our future car or house or another long term savings goal.

[ajfries]

I do it all. I will second the previous poster that said his eyes glaze over faster than a 5 year old.  I have been paying the bills since the week we got married and he deployed to the desert for 6 months. It's just always been that way.  I really do want him to be more involved and it has been a point of contention in the past but for the most part our arrangement of "we make it, we spend it and I tell you when to stop spending it" works.  We also both grew up in households where the women handled ALL of the home stuff, including the finances, so it just kind of naturally fell to me.

 

Same here. I get stressed when I have to tell him "no". He doesn't get upset, but from his point of view he brings home all this money & then it's gone. It doesn't bother him enough to take interest but every once in awhile...

 

I started using the program You Need a Budget about a year ago and I kid you not, it has changed our lives. :)

[Stratford]

We both earn, I manage, and DH operates as a consultant when needed.  (My DH, with a degree in finance, who won't do our taxes or balance the checkbook.  Yeesh.)  That said, our finances generally look better when I am "in charge."  

[carriede]

Yet another, he makes it, I spend it. He knows what our bills are, so I voted WITH his knowledge. I consult him on larger purchases, but he does not nit-pick day-to-day finances such as groceries. He probably does not need to because I am much more frugal than he is!

Ditto.

 

As for background, both my mom and his mom were SAHMs and did the bill paying. And I enjoy a bit of math now and then. So while I do the bills, he's in charge of our retirement accounts, though I can look them up whenever I want to since we have online access.

 

We also have pretty traditional husband/wife roles otherwise.

[carriede]

I started using the program You Need a Budget about a year ago and I kid you not, it has changed our lives. :)

I heart YNAB!!

[bethben]

I pay all the bills and know how much everything is. DH doesn't know and as long as everything is going smoothly, we just swim along. With big purchases, he asks what the financial situation is. My job is to try to make the most of his paycheck and tell him when our expenses are getting over his income. Last time I told dh his income wasn't enough for our expenses, his company decided to fix payroll "abnomallies" and start docking his pay 20%. I'm still peeved about that one.

 

Beth

[boscopup]

I voted mostly husband without wife's input/knowledge, though I technically wouldn't word it that way. It's not that I don't know about the bills, but that I don't keep up with them and don't really care as long as they get paid. I mean, they're bills. What is there to give input about?

 

We are traditional/conservative Christians, but our arrangement has nothing to do with religion (I see nothing in the Bible saying that a wife can't manage the household finances ;) ). My DH is VERY organized, VERY math-oriented (I am too, but he's even moreso), and he's really, really, really good at financial management. He has this big Excel spreadsheet with all bills, our budget, any outstanding loans (mortgage, etc.) with projections of when things would be paid off. Actually, everything but the house is paid off now, but back when we had car payments and some credit cards (he financed the building of his garage via a 0% APR credit card transfer back when they were offering those all the time), he could tell me which month certain things would be paid off. He also puts money into different savings "pots", so he can say how much we'll have saved up when it's time to buy a new van, for example. We pay cash for our vehicles now (buying used, but each time we're able to buy a nicer used vehicle), and he puts what we would have paid for a car payment into savings for the next vehicle. It's things like that that he's really good at doing, and I wouldn't have really thought to do it. So that's why he handles the finances. I can go on his computer any time and see where we are financially (or just ask him). Also, the bank account itself is in my name with him as an add-on (I had the account with a credit union before we got married, so we kept mine as our joint account, but they don't do a real joint account - I have to sign certain things that they won't let him do, which is annoying, but oh well).

 

If bill paying were left up to me, we'd have some late bills. :tongue_smilie: DH is incredibly good at being on time or early for everything. He manages his time very well. He organizes his tasks very well. It's amazing to watch him. He really is the best choice in our family to do finances. :)

[Ellie]

I have no idea how my parents paid the bills.

 

By the time Mr. Ellie and I got married, we had been to Gothard a couple of times, and so Mr. Ellie paid the bills for many years...bless his heart. He isn't administrative, although he is not foolish with money, KWIM? But eventually, I decided that it would be better if I took care of paying the bills, so I did. It's much better in our house now. :-)

[Sobeknofret]

I'm responsible for bill paying in our household. I freaking hate doing it; it stresses me out and makes me actually vaguely ill.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Another "He makes it, I spend it" here too (though I do make a small percentage of it--almost enough to cover the groceries each month). I'm not sure how I ended up with it, but I know it had nothing to do with religious beliefs, financial background, and so on. IIRC, I think it was that I tend to be more detail-oriented and pay closer attention to the smaller financial details, and when we married, I had a spreadsheet going months ahead and knew the due date for every bill I had. Plus the credit card bills were mostly mine, so I just folded the new bills into my existing routine, and it's stayed that way ever since. I don't mind it. I'm the primary spender/saver of the household's money, so it just makes sense that I'm the one watching the bank accounts, credit card bills, utility charges etc.

 

I voted "wife, with husband's knowledge" but for the most part, he doesn't pay much attention to the finer points. If he wants to make a big purchase or is wondering where the accounts stand, he asks, and I tell him. If I'm concerned about something, I ask him about it. Otherwise, I'm pretty much on autopilot with all that stuff. I'm completely fine with the way it is. We did talk about him taking it over during a period when I was still working and overwhelmed, but it just never seemed like the right time, and I liked knowing where everything was because money was very tight--I would run various future financial scenarios when I was feeling stressed, and it would make me feel like our finances were in better control. We're both happy with the way it works now and have no desire to change it. 

 

Now, that said, if he were the one running the finances, I would still want my name on everything, passwords and account numbers, the ability to move money in accounts, and so on. I would never want to feel locked out of our financial situation, at the very least because if, heaven forbid, something happened to DH, I wouldn't want to be taken by surprise by anything or be unable to get into our accounts. If he wasn't allowing me to get into that information or there wasn't a sense of transparency, I'd have a big problem with that. We're partners, and I'd insist on having equal access to all financial matters.

 

HTH!

[bobbeym]

DH does all budgeting. He tells me what bills to pay and when, and then I go online and pay it. Except for the car note and a bank loan. Our CU's online payment process is goofy and I always screw it up (and don't end up paying it), so I'm not allowed to pay those bills.

[nova mama]

I don't mind doing it and don't care that he doesn't care...though I do have a "if I drop dead" letter with lists and passwords and stuff so he could take over in an emergency.

 

 

Now, that said, if he were the one running the finances, I would still want my name on everything, passwords and account numbers, the ability to move money in accounts, and so on. I would never want to feel locked out of our financial situation, at the very least because if, heaven forbid, something happened to DH, I wouldn't want to be taken by surprise by anything or be unable to get into our accounts. If he wasn't allowing me to get into that information or there wasn't a sense of transparency, I'd have a big problem with that. We're partners, and I'd insist on having equal access to all financial matters.

 

In families where one spouse is not really involved or informed, would that spouse be able to jump in and take over if necessary (even if not as well as the primary manager)?  Would that spouse know whom to pay, where to find things, etc?

[Arcadia]

In families where one spouse is not really involved or informed, would that spouse be able to jump in and take over if necessary (even if not as well as the primary manager)? Would that spouse know whom to pay, where to find things, etc?

My hubby would just set the gas, electric and Internet bill to the autopay option if anything happens to me. It is not hard to do that in person at the respective offices by just showing drivers ID. Credit card bills are already autopay and he knows how to check credit card statements.

He would have a harder time with filling out the income tax forms and would probably just pay H&R Block for the service.

Hubby just does not like doing the finances, he is as tightwad as I am.

[alef]

Mostly me, because I'm the one running the household and because dh finds dealing with money stressful.

[T'smom]

I'm not exactly sure how to answer. My husband pays the bills mostly without my input/knowledge although the info is there for me if I wanted to access it. He's in charge of the finances because he cares more and is very detail oriented. He checks things every single day and gets stressed if there is a check that hasn't cleared or something. Sometimes people will ask me something like how much we pay for car insurance and I have no idea. But I was involved in the original decision about what coverage/what company to use. Neither of us would make any major purchases without consulting the other. I have access to everything and pay for groceries and stuff.

 

None of this has to do with religion or really how we grew up.

[sagira]

Hubby is in charge, and I like it that way. He tells me to pay the credit card, and my name is on half, if not more, of the bills. I tried doing finances in college and it was not pretty. It stresses me out AND I'm not good at it. I'm in charge of other things.

[Jackie]

I am organized. DH is not. Since I like the bills to be paid, I do it. I also make the budget and generally decide what is being saved for, though there is certainly some input from DH on this part. I'm fine with this arrangement.

 

We finally hit a point where we have the budget to have an "allowance" each, so there shouldn't really be much more of the "can we afford X" conversations, either.

[happymomofboys]

Feel free to comment on how you arrived at this arrangement (e.g., how you grew up, religious beliefs, financial background), how long you have been doing it this way, etc.  Thanks for taking the time to respond!

 

 

For us it was a matter of financial security for me.  Since my husband has always been the one with an income, being in charge of the finances helps me to feel like he can't ever control me financially despite my financial dependence on him.  He earns by working. I earn by being a good steward of what he brings home.  He would prefer not to have to deal with the books anyway.

[Mrs Twain]

When we had pre-marital counseling from our pastor before we got married, he told us that one person is generally the bookkeeper. Whichever person has those skills (and it is usually obvious) takes that job. For us, I am the one who pays the bills and keeps all of our financial papers organized because I am detail oriented and organized.

 

Dh is the big picture person in our marriage and has a much better sense than I for how we should manage the budget and plan for the future in a general and business sense. Dh knows everything that is going on with the money, and he looks at every piece of mail and bill that comes through. We decide the general financial plan together, but since I am the detail and organized person, I pay the bills and do the bookkeeper job.

 

I don't think it matters which person takes which job. I think you consider the financial skills of each spouse and assign the jobs based on abilities so that the bills get paid, the budget will be successful, and hopefully you will be able to afford to eat when you are retired. It does help to have unity on this issue, though. I know some women who are very resentful toward their husbands because the husbands keep the finances secret. It is far better (and I think more biblical) to have a team approach to handling the money in which both spouses are in agreement about the saving and spending plan.

[TracyP]

He makes it ...I spend it :)

 

He is pretty clueless about fiances, that being said I will check in with him for large purchases.

 

I don't mind doing it and don't care that he doesn't care...though I do have a "if I drop dead" letter with lists and passwords and stuff so he could take over in an emergency.

 

Same here, all the way down to the "if I drop dead" list. :)

[MtnMama]

I used to pay all the bills back in the olden days when you had to pay everything by check. I hated it so much. One year he asked what I wanted for my birthday and I asked him to do the monthly bills. He didn't mind so now it's his job. We do almost everything automatically now but he is the one who coordinates and checks in on cash flow. I just make it and spend it :).

[mom31257]

I pay the bills because I have a math degree and am detail oriented. Dh, the historian and cultural buff, is laid back and really prefers me to do it. I think he's afraid he would forget to pay things on time. I enjoy it, so it's fine.

[Guest]

I'm not exactly sure how to answer. My husband pays the bills mostly without my input/knowledge although the info is there for me if I wanted to access it.

 

This is how it is in our house. I am actually much more organized and detail oriented, but when I did it, I really micro-managed everything and it stressed me out really badly.  Now he does it. At first it was hard for me to let go, and we had late bills and overdraft fees, but it didn't bother him so I have learned not to let it bother me, either. Our financial situation is so much better now; he's learned a lot about paying things correctly and on time, and I've learned that it's okay for him to be in charge and do it his way. It's a good place. ;)  I also agree with the PP that maybe I don't know what our electric bill was this month, but I am the one who actually negotiates and shops for everything and then dh pays it monthly.

[IsabelC]

He earns money and I spend it! I do the vast majority bill paying along with other household paperwork, not for any religious or cultural reason but just because he doesn't like doing it and I don't mind.

Most things run along pretty predictably but I will consult him if there's something out of the ordinary or if I'm planning to commit him to a major new expense. We also have a general conversation about how we're going with financial goals every few months.

[Amy Jo]

Generally I handle the monthly bills. I'm more detail oriented. Not quite he makes it, I spend it. He handles gas in the vehicles, yard stuff, business stuff, etc. I'm in charge of house stuff, homeschool stuff, animals, etc. We both buy food - even though if there's a list 99% chance I wrote it. :P We decide on monthly commitments and larger items together.

 

Both our moms were the ones who paid the bills. In his house his mom had final say on money issues actually. I'd say we are pretty traditional. We are Christian, but I think that has less to do with it than personalities and our upbringing (it's normal for us both for 'mom' to pay the bills). Right now we are just trying to keep the bills paid, so it is super stressful for us both. There is a light at the end of the tunnel though.  :hurray:

[Parrothead]

We are catholic so there is no religious expectation that the husband will do the finances. It is something that has ever come up in church. I grew up with my mom caring for the finances. My dad was in the military and often not home.

 

I care for our finances. I don't have much input from dh and like it that way. Not that I'm hiding anything. He has access to my login info and can see what is going on whenever he wants to.

[kiwik]

Other. I have no husband. I do both the earning and the spending.

[MomtoCandJ]

Dh earns, and decides what gets paid what and when. I do the actual paying though (like take money to credit union for truck payment).

[nd293]

Dh earns, all our finances and assets are joint, but I manage the money. I let him know when I up the mortgage repayment or start an investment account for the kids, but it is almost always my research and decision.

 

ETA: My parents divorced when I was young and my father took financial advantage of my mother in the divorce settlement. This is definitely the primary motivator in how our family finances are run - I make sure that the kids and I will never suffer because I am unaware of what's going on. DH is not my father, and I don't mean any disrespect to him, but I do believe a woman has to take responsibility for her own well being, and that of her children.

[suzziesnowflake]

I have always paid the bills. We have a business so I do the books. I guess they go hand in hand. Tough though when you have to rob Peter to pay Paul. We both are very conservative with our money so it helps that we are on the same page.

[pitterpatter]

Oh, LOL! Me too. Although, not a formal letter...just a list with passwords, etc.

 

Once, a long time ago when we still paid all by paper, I wanted to be released of the duty for a while and turned it over to him. Yeah, that didn't work. As the due dates got down to the wire, I broke down and paid the darn things. It was more stress in waiting for him to pay the bills than it was for me to just to it. I've never asked/mentioned it again. I just let him cut the grass instead.

 

 

He makes it ...I spend it :)

 

He is pretty clueless about fiances, that being said I will check in with him for large purchases.

 

I don't mind doing it and don't care that he doesn't care...though I do have a "if I drop dead" letter with lists and passwords and stuff so he could take over in an emergency.

 

[bobbeym]

In families where one spouse is not really involved or informed, would that spouse be able to jump in and take over if necessary (even if not as well as the primary manager)?  Would that spouse know whom to pay, where to find things, etc?

 

We could.  I could certainly jump in and handle the bank accounts and he could pay bills online anytime he wants. For whatever reasons, he simply chooses not to.

[MerryAtHope]

I said mostly wife w/o husband's input, however:

 

we discuss any non-regular purchases that are more than $20

we use a cash-envelope system for most grocery and household items so it's self-governing--we don't go over-budget

neither of us are big spenders who overspend with credit-cards

 

We arrived at this because I enjoy math and my husband doesn't. Early on in our marriage, my dh sacrificially offered to do all of the finances because he thought I must hate it too and he wanted to lift that burden--he had trouble believing I really didn't mind, LOL! Money doesn't stress me out, and it does him. When we go to a store together--I stand in line and he gets the car. He's happy not having to pay, and I'm happy getting picked up at the door, LOL!  Works for us!

 

 

[DawnM]

I pay all the bills. I have more time to deal with it.

 

Growing up, my mom didn't even know where the bank account info was. She also didn't care to know my dad's salary. Honestly, it kind of bothered my dad. He wanted her involved in case something happened to him.

[Tracy]

I have almost always taken care of the bills.  Dh is very good with money, but loathes both paperwork and technology, so either way he does it, he hates it more than I do.  Neither one of us is a spender, and we have similar values when it comes to money.  So we always discuss big purchases.  And for the very big decisions (like whether to build a new house or whether to cash in a 401(k)), I generally defer to him since that stuff gives me a lot of anxiety.  

 

When I was working full time and going to night school for 4 years, dh did the bills.  He did a fine job with getting things paid, but he just put everything in one big pile when he was done.  So both of us were happy to go back to me doing it after I graduated.  But he occasionally looks at the bills, not to check up on me, but because he feels that we are supposed to be doing this together, and if anything ever happens to me, he doesn't want to be caught off guard financially.  

 

[JuanitaL]

We mostly take care of it together; because nearly all of our bills are taken care of online - it takes us about 10 minutes maybe once a week to: open the excel spreadsheet and the bank acct website, update how much $ we've spent out of each category (groceries, gas, unexpected), pay whatever bill may be due, determine what is still available, save and close. We've been doing it together this way for about 5 or 6 years, after his last deployment we had to make a lot of changes, this was one of them. Religion plays no part in it; both of our parents are really bad with their finances - so they've played no part in it. As a matter of fact, we've had issues with his parents being angry with us over finances - they regularly get to the point where they really need things - tires, roof, etc. - if we don't have the cash, we can't help them; BIL uses his credit card - so he helps them quite a bit; it leads to a whole "fair share" issue.

[kbutton]

DH has irregular work schedule and we have many fish to fry. I pay bills and bring up any issues, but he is learning my system to help out and to know what to do in an emergency. We are both frugal and have similar money priorities and views, so it works all right.

[LucyStoner]

After years of various arrangements we have settled into this:

 

He pays the bills with minimal input from me (none is needed) but we both have total access and information.  He tracks everything to the penny and we can both see it all on our phones and computers.  If there is something unusual, we discuss it but we are always of the same mind on this stuff so it's not an issue.  I used to do it, and after years of this working perfectly ok, due to health and some grief issues, I was often behind not necessarily on the payment part but the tracking and information sharing part.  It wasn't working for us and it was too much hassle for me.  He does it totally differently than I would (system wise, same financial decisions) but it works just fine.  Letting that go was great! He handles it because it is so much easier for me if he does.  

 

I do our investments and taxes, with minimal imput from him but total open discussion and shared information.  I am, despite being meh on the daily bookkeeping, the one most educated about finances and accounting.  I can churn out a tax return in the time it takes him to locate one interest statement or W-2.  I know investments better.  So I handle this because it is easier for him if I do.  

 

It's a win-win.  

 

1 spouse being out of the financial loop is a huge no-no for me.  Even if people suck at it, it is their money and they need to take an interest and stay informed if at all possible.  My husband wouldn't have been able to handle what he does now when we first married finance wise.  He's learned, rather than stayed ignorant and out of it.  

[Maus]

I voted other.  I always was the one who balanced the checkbook and paid the bills, until I had a very ditzy pregnancy with our youngest.  DH put everything he could on auto-pay at my request.  I think we have three bills left that aren't, but all three send an automatic reminder and can be paid online, so he can handle that.

 

So, basically our credit union's computer is now doing all our bill paying.  We no longer worry about balancing the checkbook because it's so easy to keep on eye on our account through apps on our phones, and we only use checks for things like paying the piano teacher anyway.

 

We usually do our taxes ourselves, together.  This year he was still ill, so I did them.

[Mrs Twain]

We usually do our taxes ourselves, together.

Dh does our taxes first, and then I do them separately and compare. The main reason is to check for accuracy. However, it is a great practice because it forces both husband and wife to understand the finances very well.