Have you ever regretted volunteering for something?

[NotSoObvious]

This particular group I committed to lead for the year gives me such anxiety! I think partly it's because I'm not that interested, partly because now I know it's not a group I would have chosen for my girls to be in, and partly because it takes a lot more effort than it is worth.

It goes by so quickly, but on the days of our meetings (today) I have such bad anxiety, we can hardly get school done! It's completely irrational!

 

Three more months. Exactly.

[Chris in VA]

Yes, I regretted volunteering to lead the Jr Hi youth group (co-lead, I should say). We had way too many problems at home for me to commit the time, energy and so on. I hated having to ditch, but it was best for all. I kinda think anxiety can often tell us when there's a bad fit. Sometimes, I feel I need to work thru it and grow inside b/c of the experience, but most often, if I don't have peace, I made the wrong decision to volunteer. There's something to be said for both continuing and for bailing--you have to see what works best in each situation and learn from it, either way.

 

Sorry it's yucky for ya.

[sparrow]

Yes. It's the same reason we don't do co-ops.

[Kathryn]

All the time.

[PrairieSong]

Yes, I have been in charge of a couple of different things for a year each, and I stressed over it and was glad when the year was over.

[NotSoObvious]

Yes, I regretted volunteering to lead the Jr Hi youth group (co-lead, I should say). We had way too many problems at home for me to commit the time, energy and so on. I hated having to ditch, but it was best for all. I kinda think anxiety can often tell us when there's a bad fit. Sometimes, I feel I need to work thru it and grow inside b/c of the experience, but most often, if I don't have peace, I made the wrong decision to volunteer. There's something to be said for both continuing and for bailing--you have to see what works best in each situation and learn from it, either way.

 

Sorry it's yucky for ya.

 

Thanks for this. I know I have to stick it out, simply because my guilt over quitting would be worse than the anxiety, plus my girls would be really disappointed.

But, I have definitely learned my lesson. We are not signing up for anything next year!

[NotSoObvious]

Yes. I don't sign up for stuff like that anymore.

 

Yeah, I think this sealed the deal for me.

[Mimm]

Yes, a few things through church. I wanted to help, got stuck in a position I wasn't thrilled with. I stuck it through, but it had an actual end date, you know?

 

I would say if it's causing you so much anxiety, I would drop the group.

[Heather in Neverland]

More often than not, honestly.

 

My worst ever was teaching the preschool Sunday school class. Worst. Mistake. Ever.

[Mnemosyne]

All the time. Now, when I volunteer, I make sure I volunteer short term first and get to know the group/people before I sign up for anything long term. It's alleviated a lot of stress in my life (though I still end up doing things at times I'd rather not).

[elegantlion]

Yes, the bad experience is how I learned that "no" is a complete sentence. I tried volunteering for something earlier this year, it was online and my area of interest. After two weeks it feel like an obligation not an opportunity, so I quit. Thankfully it was participant, not leader type situation.

[GoVanGogh]

Every.single.time.

 

I am too easily overwhelmed these days and, like PP said, after a while it feels like an obligation and not an opportunity.

 

I have found that I do much better with one time volunteer options rather than on-going things. With on-going "volunteer" opportunities - in my experience - if you do a good job, the powers that be quickly realize it and request more and more out of you and it quickly turns into a "job."

[Stayseeliz]

I usually regret volunteering for stuff. I am VERY picky about what I volunteer for now though. :)

[QueenCat]

I love volunteering but everyone once in a while I'm left wondering just what made me think a specific volunteer job was a good thing.

[NotSoObvious]

More often than not, honestly.

 

My worst ever was teaching the preschool Sunday school class. Worst. Mistake. Ever.

 

 

When I was teaching kindergarten, I got the bright idea that I should also teach the kindergarten Sunday School class. 5 year olds, six days a week. Not a good idea.

[Wildcat]

.

[elegantlion]

I've also learned to keep my mouth shut about things. In one former group, if you mentioned something as being a good idea, you would be the one in charge of the idea. I'm not against that in principle, see a need and fill it, I just learned to not always be the one with the big, great, new idea.

[mommymilkies]

Oh yes. I am very introverted and shy. But my dd's Girl Scout Leader forced my hand to become a Leader. She told me they wouldn't have a 2-5 grade troop if I couldn't volunteer because they had asked everyone else and there wasn't anybody. So I reluctantly agreed. Then found out several people wanted the position, there were required day long trainings many hours away (and I couldn't take my bf baby!!!!), and on and on. I was so mad. I had been lied to and then they all gossiped behind my back because they thought I was young. Well, I got pg and morning sickness, then dh almost lost his job and we had to go through months of applying for and interviewing for far away jobs, so I passed my leadership on to my assistant who was more than happy to take it. NEVER AGAIN will I be involved with GS here.

[LostSurprise]

Yes, but usually my husband feels the pinch before I do.

 

This year is a co-leadership position in a group that accepts disabilities. It was hard to say no at the time, and 1 girl in particular needs me there. Its harder to say no when there's a child who needs someone and no one else recognizes the need.

[maddykate]

If it involves other people, I usually regret it. Animals, I can do. People, not so much.

 

Sadly, that is the truth.

[Dandelion]

Many times.

 

And I'm an extrovert who enjoys being involved in groups and working with others. My problem is that I'm too quick to sign up when something needs a volunteer and I also am often the one suggesting the idea. I've been burned enough times now that I am much more selective about what I volunteer for.

 

I'm currently 10 months into a volunteer position that requires a minimum 2-year commitment. It's a drain sometimes but I can see that the organization I'm volunteering with is doing a ton of good in our community. It's a non-profit organization supporting families with kids on the autism spectrum, as well as autistic adults. Knowing that so many people are truly being helped is what keeps me going on the days that I'm dragging.

 

Hang in there, OP - you can get through these next three months!

[charcat13]

Yes.

[kewb]

Yes, I always end up regretting it. I would much rather throw money at a situation and hire someone else to run it then volunteer ever again.

[Carol in Cal.]

I tend to say no when things are going to predictably work out like that. I don't think that volunteering should ruin your life.

 

However, there have been two times when volunteering has been seriously unpredictably horrible--both involved personnel matters unexpectedly, bad ones. There's nothing to be done then but cling the truth, soldier on, and try to do the right thing and finish honorably instead of kicking the can down the road.

[-M-]

Yes. Which is why, more than a decade ago, I learned to say, "No" -- especially to folks who think I *owe* them a piece of my time. You know the sort. I simply say, "No, but best wishes with [insert time-sucking activity here]." This isn't going to cause me any death-bed regrets, either. "Oh, how I wish I had spent more time organizing that [insert time-sucking activity here]!" Yeah. No.

 

Note that I most certainly fulfill the service hours required for the kids' activities and teams. Happy to do my part. (Or happy that Mr. M-mv does, anyway. Heh, heh, heh.) But I no longer feel compelled to accept roles that others feel I'd "be perfect for."

 

Not that this is always easy, by the way. One's ego does sort of leap to the voice that says, "If only you'd take on such and such. Then it would all be great," doesn't it? In fact, I've just had to turn the crown away for a third time this past week, so to speak, on a position that sure looks and sounds good but is actually very, very bad when one ponders not only the time commitment but all of the parent-politics. Still, I "was very loath to lay [my] fingers off it." *wry grin* Reason prevailed, though, even as my ego tried to muscle his way to a "Yes!"

 

Crisis averted.

 

I'm sorry you're stuck with your gig and will join you in saying, "Just three more months." Hang in there.

[Mom0012]

 

 

 

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

 

Back when the kids were still in ps, we were new to the area and the first week of school a note came home w/volunteer needs. It listed thingis like "volunteers needed for 'Bus Safety Day', 'Playground Day', 'Lunch Day', etc. I sent the contact person a nice e-mail saying we were new to the area and I wasn't familiar with those terms/items/whatever and could she please explain what volunteers would be doing? I received back a short "helping on those days". ??? Uh, no, I'm *not* volunteering for something I know absolutely nothing about! Her curt (sm@rt@ss??) reply cost them a volunteer. I was at the kids' other school so much I felt like an employee.... at the new school I was one of the "not known parents". In hindsight, her reply was a HUGE window into the atmosphere of the school. Interestingly, we started homeschooling after that year! :huh:

 

OP, the school year is almost finished. Hang in there, and get through it with the satisfaction that you learned your lesson and won't be doing this again. :grouphug:

 

Yes, I always make sure to find out exactly what I'm volunteering for and I also make it perfectly clear that there at certain things that I will NOT do (like public speaking or leading group prayer). I've learned that lesson the hard way.

[Hockey Mom]

More often than not, honestly.

 

My worst ever was teaching the preschool Sunday school class. Worst. Mistake. Ever.

 

Same here. It was supposed to be a temporary thing. It turned into me and the Director organizing ALL of the Sunday school classes. Then one of the Associate Pastors decided he wanted his opinion to be new policy: 'all Sunday school teachers would move up with their classes so that the kids would have the same teacher from toddlerhood to teenage years.' Um...yeah, no thanks. I wasn't interested in listening to the Sunday message via podcast instead of inside the Sanctuary. I went to church for spiritual refueling, not a part time job (without pay).

 

I don't volunteer anymore. I have great respect for those that do, but I've seen too many people get burned out and not appreciated (by the leaders) for their hard work to be in that place again.

[justasque]

This particular group I committed to lead for the year gives me such anxiety! I think partly it's because I'm not that interested, partly because now I know it's not a group I would have chosen for my girls to be in, and partly because it takes a lot more effort than it is worth.

It goes by so quickly, but on the days of our meetings (today) I have such bad anxiety, we can hardly get school done! It's completely irrational!

 

Three more months. Exactly.

 

OP, is there anything you can do to remove the parts of the job that give you anxiety? Delegate bits and pieces to other people? Think of it as training others for future positions with the group. Even little bits, like having someone else commit to being there early, or staying to clean up, can help. Make your need clear, identify someone you think may be able to help in a small way, then ask them to do so.

[Reflections]

Yes, I regretted volunteering to lead the Jr Hi youth group (co-lead, I should say). We had way too many problems at home for me to commit the time, energy and so on. I hated having to ditch, but it was best for all. I kinda think anxiety can often tell us when there's a bad fit. Sometimes, I feel I need to work thru it and grow inside b/c of the experience, but most often, if I don't have peace, I made the wrong decision to volunteer. There's something to be said for both continuing and for bailing--you have to see what works best in each situation and learn from it, either way.

 

Sorry it's yucky for ya.

 

 

This! This right there. Every. Stinkin'. Time. "No" is my new go-to word.

[Donna]

Yes, one of the big reasons I avoid co-ops, too.

[PineFarmMom]

I always regret it...always!! I wish it weren't so. I seem to feel guilty if I say no then regretful if I say yes. It's comforting to see others who struggle with it also.

[LucyStoner]

Have I ever NOT regretted signing up to volunteer for something? It seems rare. I get asked a lot. I now say "no, thank you" a lot. ;)

[Sahamamama]

When I was teaching kindergarten, I got the bright idea that I should also teach the kindergarten Sunday School class. 5 year olds, six days a week. Not a good idea.

 

At church, I have volunteered to spend time with the babies. Or the teenagers. Or the seniors.

 

IOW, any age group besides school-aged children. LOL, I love kids, really, but every day, all day?

 

And... I think my poor children need a break from ME. Ay-yup.

[NotSoObvious]

 

 

OP, is there anything you can do to remove the parts of the job that give you anxiety? Delegate bits and pieces to other people? Think of it as training others for future positions with the group. Even little bits, like having someone else commit to being there early, or staying to clean up, can help. Make your need clear, identify someone you think may be able to help in a small way, then ask them to do so.

 

Oh, thank you. Not really. It's so close to the end of the year, it's mostly all planned. It's just a matter of doing it. My girls always have fun. They love it. I will just know not to volunteer next year.

 

...it's Girl Scouts, btw. I wanted it to be "my thing." It is not.

[jujsky]

Yeah, I usually regret volunteering shortly after I volunteer for something. I'm slowly learning to say no.

[jhschool]

Yes. Often in the past.

 

But, happily enough, not at the moment. Am with a good group

right now...

[fraidycat]

Yeah, I usually regret volunteering shortly after I volunteer for something. I'm slowly learning to say no.

 

 

This.

[Soror]

I agreed to/was guilted into teaching religion classes last year. I quit half-way through the year. As Chris said I didn't feel peace about it at all and in all honesty I like teaching my own kids but don't really want to teach other people's kids. Plus, it required time away from my family, which is such a rare commodity I'd rather not spend it doing something I don't like. I had planned to just do it for a year as I knew I'd likely be pregnant the next year anyway but I couldn't make it. I felt bad as the director was great to me and some of the teachers, some of the teachers were, um not though. One little girl told me she was glad I was leaving. That made it all the easier.

 

I do teach a AHG K class now, well I share it with a friend and it is easy, fun and low stress. I've figured out I don't like teaching anything and I especially don't like being the face or voice of any group. I do like organization and such.

[G5052]

I'm getting better. Middle age has advantages, and I'm better at being able to tell when I need to pass on something. Years ago I was on the board of a homeschool group. When it was good, it was very, very good. When it was bad...sigh. So when I resigned I decided that my days of leading large groups over the whole school year were over.

 

But, yes I have one this year that I regret. It isn't a biggie though, just a few months and less than a dozen kids. I charge to cover my expenses and maybe $10-20 for my time, so it isn't 100% volunteer but close. I've done this for awhile because I wanted it for my own children, and "behold" neither of them are participating with the group this year for different reasons. I probably should have thought it through. So this year I'm not happy about the time and effort involved. I've already told them that next year is a no-go for me. If I do it again I may do it for a few friends and not advertise at all.

 

Live and learn.

[Lisbeth]

Yep. I don't do that anymore. My Church callings is plenty for me, and we are not co-op people. They end up being a chore instead of a benefit for us.