You back over a kid's bike...

[SproutMamaK]

I would pay for the bike. Then I would tell SIL that unfortunately since you didn't exactly have that spare money lying around, he will now have to spend his time on PAYING employment instead, and can no longer help her with what she asked of him. Or, of course, she can choose to pay him for his work.

 

Honestly, I wouldn't do her any more favours anyway. She sounds intolerably ungrateful.

[Luanne]

 

 

Well being me....I would just pay for it. Kids are kids, and they make mistakes.

 

 

 

True, but if kids (especially by the time they are 12) aren't learning lessons from those mistakes, they will continue to make them the rest of their lives.

[Word Nerd]

If your DH does fix the bike, I would fix it to the nephew's satisfaction. DH is under no obligation—even though he's partly at fault for the accident—to replace the old bike with a newer, better one, which seems to be the only acceptable solution by SIL's standards. "Like new" isn't a reasonable expectation for a used bike that isn't like new to begin with.

[Lisa R.]

There are not many people around here who can afford to pay for repairs. Hopefully the economy will go uphill soon.

 

 

 

 

I'm going off topic here...but I don't think you should assume that people around can't afford to pay for repairs. I don't know where you live, but typically there are areas in every town or city where people have more time than money. It is surprising how much money is still out there even in this economy.

 

If he is skilled enough to do a $1500 repair job over a few days, it's possible he could have a side business. Also, there are certain repairs that people need to spend money for even if money is tight. Heat, A/C, roof repairs to name a few.

 

I feel badly for both you and dh that this happened. I hope the bike can be fixed, and everyone can move on.

[Joanne]

Basic protocol for driving IS to check all around. The vehicle prior to getting in.

 

Basic "toy" protocol is to store and stash correctly.

 

Why is the adult who drives what could be a deadly weapon not being held to a higher standard due to age and object?

 

The reason for being there and the $1800 in "free work" obscure the issue and yet possible inform your perspective. It is not, however, pertinent. Nor is the other back story info.

[Joanne]

 

 

 

True, but if kids (especially by the time they are 12) aren't learning lessons from those mistakes, they will continue to make them the rest of their lives.

 

That is a generalized leap, and not in evidence. The 12 year old has likely learned everything they are going to over this issue.

 

Would you say the same thing about the DH who did not check for safety of his vehicle?

[TravelingChris]

If you do buy a bike, buy a used one- what he ran over was not new- it was used at least once. Depreciation happens and you are never responsible to buy new for used. So the choice would be between getting a used bike or his bike fixed, not between getting a brand new bike or his bike fixed. You aren't ever eligible to be made better because of an accident - only made whole to the extent before the accident. So no new bike is required.

[Jennifer3141]

I would buy the kid a new bike immediately. Backing out in someone else's driveway WITHOUT throroughly checking when kids were obviously playing there was irresponsible of your DH. You are lucky it was only a bike.

[jujsky]

If someone ran over my kid's bike because they parked it behind the car, no, I wouldn't expect anyone to pay for it. If I ran over someone's bike under the same circumstances, I probably would offer to pay all or half of it, but I would hope the parents would thank me, but decline the offer. It could be that the parents in this case never taught their child not to park his bike in back of a car. I know it seems like a common-sense thing to teach a child, but.....

[momto10blessings]

I'm going off topic here...but I don't think you should assume that people around can't afford to pay for repairs. I don't know where you live, but typically there are areas in every town or city where people have more time than money. It is surprising how much money is still out there even in this economy.

 

If he is skilled enough to do a $1500 repair job over a few days, it's possible he could have a side business. Also, there are certain repairs that people need to spend money for even if money is tight. Heat, A/C, roof repairs to name a few.

 

I feel badly for both you and dh that this happened. I hope the bike can be fixed, and everyone can move on.

 

 

most of the people we know do not have the money right now to pay for repairs. Everyone we know is struggling. He was self employed until a couple yrs ago. The only option was to start working for a company where he makes half the amount he was making while self employed. He does get some paying side jobs every once in a while and still has his contractors permit but does not have the money to advertise anymore. Advertising around here is hit or miss any way and we can't spend the money when he may not even get enough jobs to pay for the advertising.

[momto10blessings]

I would buy the kid a new bike immediately. Backing out in someone else's driveway WITHOUT throroughly checking when kids were obviously playing there was irresponspible of your DH. You are lucky is was only a bike.

 

 

I've said over and over that there was no risk of running over a child. Her 2 kids were sitting down to eat dinner, they do not live near other houses and it was completely dark so unless he had a flashlight he could not have seen the bike.

[Mergath]

Basic protocol for driving IS to check all around. The vehicle prior to getting in.

 

Basic "toy" protocol is to store and stash correctly.

 

Why is the adult who drives what could be a deadly weapon not being held to a higher standard due to age and object?

 

The reason for being there and the $1800 in "free work" obscure the issue and yet possible inform your perspective. It is not, however, pertinent. Nor is the other back story info.

 

 

I don't think anyone is saying that the op's dh didn't act irresponsibly by not checking; merely that the twelve-year-old, who also acted irresponsibly, shouldn't immediately get a new bike because he didn't take care of the one he had. Really, a child that age should know better. I was expected to take care of my own bike by the time I was six.

[Jennifer3141]

 

I've said over and over that there was no risk of running over a child. Her 2 kids were sitting down to eat dinner, they do not live near other houses and it was completely dark so unless he had a flashlight he could not have seen the bike.

 

You asked a question. A lot of us answered and you don't like the answer basically.

 

Driving a car is a right and a RESPONSIBILITY. You are responsible for the damage your car does.

 

If this was your kid, your kid's bike, and your kids' house and rules, that would be one thing.

 

If you're posting here wishing for a different answer because you cannot afford to replace the bike then clearly your DH needs to be working someplace other than your SIL's for free. Problem solved.

[Impish]

I believe it was also mentioned that the driver HAD been behind his truck, loading in tools, so it's not like he wasn't around the back of the vehicle, but that the bike was tucked down behind the passenger side rear side, not something noticiable, despite being in back of the vehicle.

 

I don't know many drivers that hunker down and look UNDER the wheels for things.

[kwg]

I answered earlier what I would feel if I was your dh. Now if I was your SIL- I would *not* have asked for the bike in the first place. I would take care of it with my son myself...esp. since your husband is helping out but maybe even just because.

 

I am sorry you are having to deal with this. Is she she usually like this?

[delaney]

A child could be below your line of sight and not be laying down behind the car. Said child may have bent down to tie a shoe lace, or catch a wayard ball, or is drawing with sidewalk chalk on the sidewalk below the driveway etc.

Yes I doubt a 6 year old should have to stand up and wave his arms to be noticed when he is coloring with chalk. WTH?

[SKL]

I believe it was also mentioned that the driver HAD been behind his truck, loading in tools, so it's not like he wasn't around the back of the vehicle, but that the bike was tucked down behind the passenger side rear side, not something noticiable, despite being in back of the vehicle.

 

I don't know many drivers that hunker down and look UNDER the wheels for things.

 

It's stil not clear to me where the bike was or why it was not seen by the driver. It seems very unlikely that a 12yo would park his bike "under" his uncle's truck. Sounds like the combination of darkness, lateness, and not expecting a bike to be there all contributed.

 

Nobody's saying the guy is rotten for having an accident happen. Who hasn't accidentally backed into / over something? Bad things happen to good people.

 

The question arose upthread whether drivers are really expected to check behind their car before they back out. I am surprised there was disagreement over this. However, I am not surprised that despite a cursory check, an accident could still happen. Nor am I surprised that sometimes, people forget to check. It happens. That's why they call it an accident.

 

The OP asked if "I" backed over a kid's bike would "I" pay. I would. Period.

[Dustybug]

I think regardless of whether or not the nephew left his bike in his own driveway or not, your DH damaged his property and should fix it/replace it. THAT is responsible behavior.

[jeninok]

 

 

most of the people we know do not have the money right now to pay for repairs. Everyone we know is struggling. He was self employed until a couple yrs ago. The only option was to start working for a company where he makes half the amount he was making while self employed. He does get some paying side jobs every once in a while and still has his contractors permit but does not have the money to advertise anymore. Advertising around here is hit or miss any way and we can't spend the money when he may not even get enough jobs to pay for the advertising.

Try advertising on Craigslist, we just hired several highly skilled contractors and I found all of them on Craigslist

They all offered me photos of their work, their license and references if I wanted them.

[Miss Marple]

It's stil not clear to me where the bike was or why it was not seen by the driver. It seems very unlikely that a 12yo would park his bike "under" his uncle's truck

 

I can see this probably because I've been around trucks/pick-ups all my life. My father was in construction, we now live in the country where a truck is essential. I also have boys who are silly and irresponsible. My vision is of a 12 year old called in for supper and he is tearing up the lane (our lane is gravel) and lands at the driveway and in a very stupid fashion, probably seeing how cool it would be, he sends the bike careening without a rider across the driveway not realizing that it landed beneath the pickup. I've seen it many times :)

 

Also, when the uncle is loading the truck it does not mean he walked all the way around and checked underneath the truck. He was probably loading from one side and possibly the back. Pickups can sit up really high making it easy for a bike to be underneath and not seen esp. in the dark. Speaking of the dark - when I back out of my garage at night, if there is no moon, it is difficult to see because there are no road lights, neighborhood lights etc. It is truly pitch black and back up lights are often of little use.

 

On a personal note, I have backed over a bicycle left by my son when he was about 7 years old. Because it was a small bike, it was not easily seen and since I had loaded all the kids in the vehicle, I wasn't as diligent as many of those on this board to walk around to make sure it was clear. That bicycle damaged my large vehicle (think Suburban). I was not happy, son knew that he was not supposed to leave the bike in the driveway, and he did not get a new bike - even as a 7 year old he was trained but he was careless. He was much more responsible for the bike he purchased at a garage sale with money he earned from chores.

 

IMO, a 12 year old can be irresponsible and stupid, but that does not negate the fact that he should have seen where his bike landed. As the driver I would probably offer to purchase an equivalent one, but as the parent of the child I would certainly not expect it and I would not allow it because my 12 year old should know better. Both sides extending grace...

[tomandlorih]

Yes it would be nice for dh to pay since he was the one who ran over it. I just have a terribly hard time getting in to the mindset of a child not taking care of his things and receiving a new bike because of it. That's not how I raise my kids. And, yes, that does not mean that other people have to raise their kids the same. But I just can't reward that. Dh said nephew was kind of excited when he mentioned he'd fix up the bike so we'll see what happened when he goes back over there. Honestly, dh and I don't have $100 or so to buy a new bike. We just don't :crying:

 

 

After your last post about the video games and the insistence on new rather than fixed.. I was going to ask if perhaps, just perhaps.. knowing your dh is a generous, giving person.. the bike got "accidentally" left there on purpose?? So as to result in just the situation that occurred? Sounds like your nephew would like to help him fix it.. probably not something that would happen in his own house if his dad is that into video games. Gah, how cynical am I?

 

I do think that you should help pay if it can't be fixed.. but help pay for a used one from cragslist that is equiv. but I probably wouldn't ever do free work for her again either..

[Miss Marple]

 

After your last post about the video games and the insistence on new rather than fixed.. I was going to ask if perhaps, just perhaps.. knowing your dh is a generous, giving person.. the bike got "accidentally" left there on purpose?? So as to result in just the situation that occurred?

 

LOL! I was thinking the same thing :) Suspicious minds....

[swellmomma]

I don't think anyone is saying the boy is not responsible at all, though I have to say if it was so pitch black despite the close to full moon that the driver could not see the bike, perhaps the assumption should be that the boy also did not see where the bike was in relation to the truck and thought he had plenty of room. What many are saying though is that it is not 100% the boy's fault either, that as the driver of a vehicle it is up to that driver to be aware of what is around his vehicle at all times. The law sides with that as well. Not to mention that regardless of the Sil's uncouth behaviour the responsible thing would be for your husband to correct the error.

 

Now had the OP put those details into the first post than the responses here may have been different. But what I see is that the op did not get teh responses she added so she posted more that were slightly exaggerated to get the response she wanted.

 

I do think the boy holds some responsibility in this, I do think the sil is being incrediably rude, but I also believe that the husband was at fault and needs to correct it, no matter what favors he was doing, or the actions of his sister. Her being rude does not absolve him of his own responsibilities in this. If fixing the bike is possible than certainly do that. But restitution does need to be made.

[4kidlets4me]

 

Her kids are 12 and 10 and he left the house as they were sitting down to eat dinner. They live in the country so no other kids were around. He even put his tools in the bed of his truck but did not see the bike. It was pitch dark since they live in the country and only have one light on their house.

 

 

In this case I absolutely would not replace the bike. Kid is 12, it was dark and bike riding time was clearly over so bike should have been put away in garage or wherever "away" is at her house.

[bzymom]

Given the clarifying details, I change my answer! :glare: I would not pay under those circumstances. I would still feel responsible for the damage to the bike, but $1500 worth of free work and they refuse to even hand him tools, and call you to tattle before your d/h has arrives??? I would tell them to take the money for the bike off my soon-to-arrive bill.

 

But that's me being cranky.

[Delighted3]

Once, when we lived in a duplex, we shared a driveway with the people in the other half of the duplex. We had a couple of incidences with our neighbor and we eventually ended up in small claims court. One, my son left the trash can sticking out right behind the neighbors van and when he backed out, he hit the trash can with the side mirror on the drivers side of the car and damaged the mirror. Two, my daughter (age 8) left her bike further up the driveway, but still in his lane for backing out and he backed over it. Now in both incidences, I knew my children had been irresponsible, but I felt he was backing up recklessly. The trashcan was just to the side right behind his van, and he backed up with enough speed for the mirror to be broken off after just accelerating a matter of feet. The bike literally could have been a child and if he had looked in his rear view mirror before backing up, he should have seen it. Both families had multiple small children at the time and the driveway was often a play place for scooters, big wheels and such, so he should have been more aware. Long story short, our insurance would not pay for his mirror, so he sued us in small claims court. He won the mirror repair. Our daughter did not win a new bike.

In the case of the OP, I would either offer to pay for the half a new bike or fix it if possible as her dh has done. I think both parties should accept some responsibility, especially for the sake of family relations.

[beaners]

most of the people we know do not have the money right now to pay for repairs. Everyone we know is struggling. He was self employed until a couple yrs ago. The only option was to start working for a company where he makes half the amount he was making while self employed. He does get some paying side jobs every once in a while and still has his contractors permit but does not have the money to advertise anymore. Advertising around here is hit or miss any way and we can't spend the money when he may not even get enough jobs to pay for the advertising.

 

 

As someone else said, Craigslist. We called more than a dozen roofers since Thanksgiving to get one spot looked at on a house we've been trying to sell. They either don't return the calls or they don't show up to the job. We would have gone with the first person who actually showed up, had we even been able to get someone there.

[Parrothead]

Something else I thought of. Most of the time when people are looking behind their vehicle, they are looking for kids not bikes. I can easily see a person putting stuff in this tool box which is in the bed of the truck, give a quick cursory look. Then not seeing any kids or dogs or movement think the way is clear to back up.

[Audrey]

As a general rule, if I damage someone else's property, I offer to pay for the damages.

 

To me, it doesn't matter that the kid left the bike there, your dh still ran over it. He could have looked first. Maybe the bike was standing when the kid left it and it fell over behind the car. You don't really know, and it doesn't really matter because the bike is still damaged.

 

I just think offering to pay is the decent and ethical thing to do.

 

 

ETA: I hadn't read the other replies and added info before I posted my reply here, but it still doesn't change my response: The decent and ethical thing to do is to offer to pay for the damage.

[Georgiana Daniels]

I'd probably offer to pay for the bike, even though the child shouldn't have left it there.

 

Why?

 

Because it sounds like his mom probably doesn't have the money to replace it (thus needing free help from brother) and even if she does, if she's that demanding/rude etc., she might not buy him a new bike anyway.

 

The kid will eventually grow up and realize how special it was that Uncle So-and-So did that for him. Those kinds of bonds are important.

[Renthead Mommy]

Yes it would be nice for dh to pay since he was the one who ran over it. I just have a terribly hard time getting in to the mindset of a child not taking care of his things and receiving a new bike because of it. That's not how I raise my kids. And, yes, that does not mean that other people have to raise their kids the same. But I just can't reward that. Dh said nephew was kind of excited when he mentioned he'd fix up the bike so we'll see what happened when he goes back over there. Honestly, dh and I don't have $100 or so to buy a new bike. We just don't :crying:

 

 

 

Tell you sister you feel bad and will pay for the new bike. Unfortunately you don't have the money for a new bike, so your husband will have to bill her for the work he is doing. She may figure out that $100 out of her pocket is less than $1500 out of her pocket.

[momto10blessings]

Try advertising on Craigslist, we just hired several highly skilled contractors and I found all of them on Craigslist

They all offered me photos of their work, their license and references if I wanted them.

 

 

We had no idea people look at Craigslist for contractors, thanks for the tip!

[momto10blessings]

I don't think anyone is saying the boy is not responsible at all, though I have to say if it was so pitch black despite the close to full moon that the driver could not see the bike, perhaps the assumption should be that the boy also did not see where the bike was in relation to the truck and thought he had plenty of room. What many are saying though is that it is not 100% the boy's fault either, that as the driver of a vehicle it is up to that driver to be aware of what is around his vehicle at all times. The law sides with that as well. Not to mention that regardless of the Sil's uncouth behaviour the responsible thing would be for your husband to correct the error.

 

Now had the OP put those details into the first post than the responses here may have been different. But what I see is that the op did not get teh responses she added so she posted more that were slightly exaggerated to get the response she wanted.

 

I do think the boy holds some responsibility in this, I do think the sil is being incrediably rude, but I also believe that the husband was at fault and needs to correct it, no matter what favors he was doing, or the actions of his sister. Her being rude does not absolve him of his own responsibilities in this. If fixing the bike is possible than certainly do that. But restitution does need to be made.

 

 

I'm sorry, I do not believe I am slightly exaggerating. I was not there so I am just going off of what my dh told me. I do not know if the moon was out yet or what phase it is in. All I know is that her driveway is dark and a pain to back out of because she only has one light on her house. We were trying to figure out where the bike was because I doubt he would actually leave it under the truck unless he did it on purpose. But he's a good kid so I doubt that. Maybe it was leaning against the truck? No idea.

[Dustybug]

Honestly, I get being broke. I really REALLY do. But not having the money for it still doesn't absolve your DH from replacing something he damaged. I would figure out a way, even if it required saving up for it to replace the bike. It's the right thing to do.

[Word Nerd]

Honestly, I get being broke. I really REALLY do. But not having the money for it still doesn't absolve your DH from replacing something he damaged. I would figure out a way, even if it required saving up for it to replace the bike. It's the right thing to do.

 

Repairing the damage would also be the right thing to do. A brand-new replacement is not the only reasonable, responsible solution.

[Danestress]

I'm honestly surprised by the amount of people who say the kid is not at fault. I was raised to take care of my stuff and if it is not taken care of and gets damaged it is no one's fault but your own. Especially at age 12. There was no risk of him running over kids. Unless he had borrowed a flashlight he would not have been able to see it. Yes, if he ran over a child it would be his fault, but there was no risk of such things happening.

 

I have two boys learning to drive. If either of them ever told me he did not need to check around a vehicle before driving because there was 'no risk' of a bike/child/dog/cello being behind the wheel, that would result in a long break from exercising the privilege of driving. If you are adult enough to drive in my house you are adult enough to assume vigilant responsibility.

 

If you fail to be vigilant, you apologize and move on. There are *two* people in this situation who made it happen and both have responsibility.

 

And that said, people do dumb careless things sometimes. I backed into the side if my own house recently. I knew it was there, too:). So no major shaming of either party seems necessary. Live and learn. But people don't learn if they always blame others.

[Kirch]

 

 

Repairing the damage would also be the right thing to do. A brand-new replacement is not the only reasonable, responsible solution.

 

 

ITA. Given the situation, the offer to repair the damage is very reasonable and covers the db's responsibility without rewarding nephew for his irresponsibility. SIL and her excuse that it won't look like new? That's some nerve. I also agree that free favors for them would be *over*!!

[Dustybug]

Repairing the damage would also be the right thing to do. A brand-new replacement is not the only reasonable, responsible solution.

 

 

Admittedly, I skimmed the last page of posts, so I missed that her DH had offered to fix it. I do agree that is also a reasonable option, but I also never said that the replacement had to be brand new. I would do what I could, within my financial limitations, to provide a reasonable replacement OR if it could be repaired, we would do it or pay to have that done.

[goldberry]

Kid was irresponsible. Sister was rude and ungrateful. DH ran over the bike. Ultimately we can only be responsible for ourselves. I always tell DD that other's actions do not excuse our own behavior and choices. In the best scenario, DH would pay and then make it very clear that he would not be doing any work for this sister again, since clearly she did not appreciate the value of it.

 

If you really don't have the money, then I would let them know, "We don't have the money to pay you for this right now. We are also very hurt that you don't seem to appreciate the value of the work DH is doing in comparision to the cost of the bike. If you continue to view the value of the bike as greater than the work DH did for you, we will have to pay for the bike at a future time when we have the money."

[StephanieZ]

A. If I ran it over, I would offer to pay for a reasonable fix or replacement.

 

 

B. But, if it were MY kid's bike, I would blame my kid.

 

So. yes. I think your dh should pay, but I also think his sister is a jerk for asking.

 

A. above -- you are ALWAYS responsible for knowing what you are about to drive over. That could have been a KID behind that wheel. Period. It's always your responsibility.

 

B. My kids would hear from me that they were irresponsible to leave their bike there, and lucky that the bike didn't damage the car, and that they'd be riding a hand-me-down or borrowed bike (or no bike) until they could save up for a replacement or get lucky with a x-mas or birthday present.

 

If the sister insists that the only option is to replace it with brand new, I'd suck it up, and ask her how much of a check to write. And, be done with it. I wouldn't quibble, as I'd assume responsibility because of (A) above, and I won't argue details. It's my fault, OK, I'll pay. You tell me how much, I write the check. If I feel burned or used, that might mean our relationship is damaged, but I won't refuse to pay.

 

Just pay for the new bike. Take it out of future holiday gifts, lol.

 

If the $$ amount is truly something that is going to harm your family's ability to feed/clothe/pay bills/etc, then, yes, I guess you might need to argue about it. But, I am assuming this is not the case.

[Slipper]

I saw a Judge Judy episode once where someone broke a child's bike. It was the other person's fault completely, but they were only responsible for repairing it back to the point where it was OR replacing with a comparably aged bike (if the bike was five years old, buy a five year old bike).

 

You are not responsible at all for a new bike.

 

I don't think you're responsible at all, all things considered. We live in the country as well and outside is pitch black at night. Pitch black. It was absolute carelessness to leave anything that close to a truck. If it's replaced, it is an act of kindness on your part.

 

If the truck was damaged (scratched) by the bike, send her a bill to repaint the truck. Seriously.

[Amy in NH]

I did forget our geographical location, time of incident, what time the family sat down for dinner, what phase the moon was in, what color shirt my husband was wearing... Sheesh. I'm signing off now . Ok, I must add that I probably would not offer to pay for the kid's bike even if he was not doing her a favor. We teach our kids that you take care of your belongings and if they are damaged because you left them somewhere then it is your fault. I'm sure the nephew will be much more careful about where he leaves his bike.

 

Thanks for the input, everyone

 

 

You could always tell her you'll pay the same amount for the bike that she pays your dh for the $1500 job.

[SKL]

I would also be reluctant to give cash to the mom, since she could use it for something other than the bike. Sounds like that kind of person.

[LucyStoner]

I wouldn't want my 12 year old nephew with a selfish loony mother to not have the break, freedom and exercise that riding a bike provides. I'd be offering to fix or replace it, regardless of if I was the one who broke it, if for no other reason than to make sure my nephew had a functioning bike. I'd have him help me fix it and teach him some bike maintenance at the same time. But as an aunt, that's just how I roll. I love my nieces and nephews as my own, even if I am not getting on well with my siblings.

 

I do 100% agree that your SIL is being rude and acting entitled. She is CRUH-azy to demand a NEW bike for a used bike and reject your husband's offer to fix it. What a wack job. Your husband sounds like an awesome guy and he did do the right thing by offering to fix it. I would stick to my guns and try to fix it first but if it turns out not to be fixable, I would buy the kid a gently used bike. It's never a good idea to let someone else's bad behavior justify acting less than 100% responsible, to say nothing of just choosing to be a kindly and loving family member who goes above and beyond for a relative, especially a child. A bike is so important as an alternative to non-active activities and as the escape that so many kids need at that age (more so if their parents sound a bit jerky).

[LibraryLover]

If your dh did special/ free work for your sister (his sister ?), why is there such conflict? Is this the first time there has been conflict between the families?

[redsquirrel]

My friend's car was hit by her own dad in his driveway. She was visiting for the week and he forgot her car was parked behind his. He backed into her car. Twice.

 

In the end, he bought her a new car. She didn't ask, but she needed one.

[Mom-ninja.]

A bike cannot hear the car it was left behind turn on nor move itself out of the way. A child doing anything behind a car and being there when it turns on can move. Your "what if" allowing that the child is doing anything other than laying like an abandoned bicycle requires the circumstances to change from what happened in the original scenario, making comparison except by rough analogy useless.

 

 

 

OP, I know you have said your dh knew all the kids were in the house so this does not imply that your dh was in danger of running over a child during this incident.

 

 

I wanted to interrupt the thread for a moment and point out this comment. Please do not ever ever ever assume that a child will move out of the way if a vehicle turns on. Ever. In fact it *is* a good comparison to think of a bike as not being able to move and a child not being able to move. Because I can tell you hands down that I have a child who would NOT move. He happens to have the trait "Play Dead!" perfected when he is surprised, shocked, confused, or in any other way in an emergency or out of the ordinary situation. This kid freezes into a statue and it's like his mind shuts down. I've seen him do it more than once. Dh and I sadly joke about how if we ever have to rely on this ds to save us in an emergency we are all going to die. You know that whole deer-in-headlights behavior? Yep, that's my ds. He panics and shuts down.

 

Once (at age 8) he was locked in the van. We all got out and I hit the lock button as I always do, but ds hadn't gotten out yet. He was looking for something he dropped on the floor of the van. He was not stuck in a car seat. He could move all about the van. Did he get himself out? Nope. He climbed into the driver's seat and then sat there and cried. He was in the van for about 5 minutes before I realized he must be outside. I saw him through the window crying. I walked up to the van and told him to unlock the door. He didn't. He couldn't. He was in panic mode. I had to unlock the van with my keys. Now, why couldn't he unlock the door? Why didn't he honk the horn? Questions he can't answer. The answer is because he panicked. And this is just one small example of his panic mode.

 

Children and even adults should not be held under the assumption of being able to move out of the way.

[LucyStoner]

 

 

I wanted to interrupt the thread for a moment and point out this comment. Please do not ever ever ever assume that a child will move out of the way if a vehicle turns on. Ever. In fact it *is* a good comparison to think of a bike as not being able to move and a child not being able to move. Because I can tell you hands down that I have a child who would NOT move. He happens to have the trait "Play Dead!" perfected when he is surprised, shocked, confused, or in any other way in an emergency or out of the ordinary situation. This kid freezes into a statue and it's like his mind shuts down. I've seen him do it more than once. Dh and I sadly joke about how if we ever have to rely on this ds to save us in an emergency we are all going to die. You know that whole deer-in-headlights behavior? Yep, that's my ds. He panics and shuts down.

 

Once (at age 8) he was locked in the van. We all got out and I hit the lock button as I always do, but ds hadn't gotten out yet. He was looking for something he dropped on the floor of the van. He was not stuck in a car seat. He could move all about the van. Did he get himself out? Nope. He climbed into the driver's seat and then sat there and cried. He was in the van for about 5 minutes before I realized he must be outside. I saw him through the window crying. I walked up to the van and told him to unlock the door. He didn't. He couldn't. He was in panic mode. I had to unlock the van with my keys. Now, why couldn't he unlock the door? Why didn't he honk the horn? Questions he can't answer. The answer is because he panicked. And this is just one small example of his panic mode.

 

Children and even adults should not be held under the assumption of being able to move out of the way.

 

 

LIKE Xs a million. There are hundreds of kids KILLED, not to mention injured by backing up cars each year. You do not, not, not want to be the grandma who killed her grandson. Thinking that kids will always hear you or can/will move out of the way as fast as your car is moving is reckless IMO. With today's higher SUVs and vans, the problem is bigger than it had been. You need to check. People should not be expected to defend themselves against more than a ton of metal accelerating into them.

 

Also thinking everyone has hearing is presumptuous and risky. My mother was mostly deaf. She would not be able to hear a car start if she was right next to it unless the car needed a muffler or something. Or people with good hearing can be totally distracted, more so a child daydreaming.

[Paige]

OP, I know you have said your dh knew all the kids were in the house so this does not imply that your dh was in danger of running over a child during this incident.

 

 

I wanted to interrupt the thread for a moment and point out this comment. Please do not ever ever ever assume that a child will move out of the way if a vehicle turns on. Ever. In fact it *is* a good comparison to think of a bike as not being able to move and a child not being able to move. Because I can tell you hands down that I have a child who would NOT move. He happens to have the trait "Play Dead!" perfected when he is surprised, shocked, confused, or in any other way in an emergency or out of the ordinary situation. This kid freezes into a statue and it's like his mind shuts down. I've seen him do it more than once. Dh and I sadly joke about how if we ever have to rely on this ds to save us in an emergency we are all going to die. You know that whole deer-in-headlights behavior? Yep, that's my ds. He panics and shuts down.

 

 

My child is like this. Our joke is that if she fell down in the street she would sit, cry "what should I do?," and wait for the car to hit her even if it was 3 blocks away and she saw it coming. She has no rational thought or ability to problem solve when stressed!

 

I've also read of a child who was hit in a backing out accident because she sneaked out to say goodbye one last time. It was similar to your DH's situation in that the adult had just said goodbye to the children in the house. He or she didn't realize the child had come running out to say bye and was behind the car. You never know.

 

I think offering to fix the bike is appropriate. It does not need to be new. SIL is rude to demand payment. I don't always check all around my car either. We have about 1 inch behind my car with the garage door down so I know no people can fit back there. I open the garage door from the driver's seat and don't get back out and walk around. I know I probably should, but I don't and I don't think most people do. Still, if I hit something that fell into my way in the garage, I know I would be at fault for not checking. There is shared responsibility.

[momto10blessings]

Dh goes back tonight to (hopefully) finish the job and take apart the bike. After thinking about it he thinks it is acceptable to just fix the bike and not buy a new one. The bike was a couple yrs old anyway so it's not like he ran over a brand new bike. He knows he will have to get some new (used) parts for the bike but he thinks it'll look nice enough for sister. She won't be happy about the concept, but we believe it is an appropriate action and he can make it look really nice.

 

As for our relationship with his sister- she's older by 2 years and has always been incredibly bossy (ahem, b*tchy) towards him. That's just the way it is and we try to be friends, but some times it takes a little extra effort. Especially from me since it's another woman treating my dh like crap. Dh is used to it since he's been treated like that all his life. SHe does get angry when she can't boss him around anymore and this will definitely upset her. But what can you do? Either live with crazy family or write them out of your lives. He's not willing to write them out quite yet and I agree. My boys would miss their cousins too much.