SweetIrony Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 My older sister called yesterday to say that she heard from mom that our younger sister is engaged. I am hurt and think little sister should have called to tell me this herself. The three of us have always been really close friends, but little sis is currently living abroad and hasn't been great at keeping in touch. Would you be offended? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I wouldn't think anything of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Hurt? Yes. I don't like the idea of always being offended. It that would hurt my feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflections Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I'd be hurt. But I don't know that I'd be offended. Lil sis probably is wrapped up in the me stage of all of this. AND she didn't call her other sister either did she? So it's not just you. I'd cut her some slack and keep just trying to stay in touch with her even if it is one sided. She'll appreciate it one day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hockey Mom Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I would assume that she meant to tell you herself, but Mom got to you before she did. I would choose to not be offended. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I wouldn't be offended at all. IN fact I wouldn't think anything of it at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Nope, in my family it would be normal to someone to call just one relative and expect that the word would "get around" - especially if the person was overseas. An engagement isn't exactly an emergency that needs to be acted on right away. There will be plenty of time to congratulation your sister before the wedding most likely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Maybe she was planning to tell you herself and didn't get a chance yet? My sister lives overseas, and it's sometimes a challenge to coordinate our schedules and account for the time difference. We Skype when we can and extend each other plenty of grace for birthday wishes and just generally keeping in touch. I'm sorry your feelings were hurt, but I would try to focus on good wishes and congratulations for your sister. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Offended, no. Be happy for her! Welcome your new brother-in-law without resentment or bitterness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giraffe Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I live overseas from my family and with the time difference and schedules I often HAVE to rely that word will spread without me calling everyone. Even for big things. It's just the way it is. Please don't be offended. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 No, I would not be offended. I would find it normal for her to just call mom, and rely on mom to spread the word. No big deal to me. I live overseas form all my family, and dealing with the time difference is often really difficult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 In my family, I'd expect to find out on FB. We are a weird bunch that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 No, it wouldn't be unusual in my family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I wish I could say I wouldn't be, because it seems more mature, but yeah--I'd be hurt. I'd want the fun of hearing her voice and asking questions and having that fun conversation. I would wonder why she didn't also want to have the conversation with me. I called a friend once to encourage her while she was overdue for her 2nd baby to be born. I said, "Hang in there! That baby will be here soon!" She had to interrupt me to say, "Um, the baby was born a week ago. Didn't anyone tell you?" Um, no. I had thought she would tell me. This was the month after my 2nd baby was born and I called her about 3 hours after he arrived. I was completely shocked to realize that while she was on my "call right away" list, I didn't even make her "call within a week" list. It made me seriously doubt the strength of the friendship. Eh. I guess not everyone feels that way--about wanting to hear of big news first hand from a beloved sister or dear friend--but I sure do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I always told my mom news first. I still do if we don't count dh now that I'm married. I expect her to tell the others and then they will call me and we will talk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 My older sister called yesterday to say that she heard from mom that our younger sister is engaged. I am hurt and think little sister should have called to tell me this herself. The three of us have always been really close friends, but little sis is currently living abroad and hasn't been great at keeping in touch. Would you be offended? I would not be offended. I would think little sister isn't old enough to get married if she can't be bothered to tell both of her sisters herself. eta: I do not consider the time diffrence a valid excuse. she could have dropped an e-mail to be read at everyones leisure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I would not be offended. I would think little sister isn't old enough to get married if she can't be bothered to tell both of her sisters herself. Seriously? I didn't tell anyone but my mom and dad. They then told my siblings and extended family. Dh told his parents, and they in turn told the rest of his family. We've been happily married for 15 years. I really don't think this is something that speaks to their readiness to get married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 No, do not be offended. It's really not an important enough issue. Would it have been fun to squeal and giggle with her about it? Sure. However, she really hasn't wronged you in any way, nor has she committed any great sin. Choose to be happy for her, to chatter excitedly with her about it whenever that time comes, and save your hurt feelings for bigger issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilaclady Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Since communication with her has not been great since living abroad, I will not be offended. If she had been communicating quite well and did not say anything abut it, I will be slightly put out but will get over it. People express themselves in different ways and I am learning to take people as they are. Hope you are able to congratulate her soon and rejoice with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 life's too short to be offended. but i'd sure be paying attention. three of my four daughters get regular updates on my current medical stuff all the time.... because they speak with me each day. one daughter calls once a week. she isn't as in the loop. she would be if we spoke more often. so in the "the only person i can change is myself" department, i'd be thinking that if i wanted to know what was going on in my sister's life, i'd work on calling her myself more often. then the relationship and the opportunity for communication would make it a natural thing for me to be "in the loop". fwiw, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I wouldn't think anything of it. :iagree: I have three younger sisters and this would not be incredibly unusual in my family, even though I talk to them on the phone often. Implying immaturity, selfishness or any of that seems downright crazy to me. Not everyone has the same need to share that info with everyone they know instantly and personally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I wouldn't. But, my mom informed us she got married again via email. Seriously. She did that to her kids. I mean, I know she wanted a 'low key' wedding (they had been living together for over 10 years) but an email? I was annoyed for about 5 mins and then I was happy for her. Don't let it bother you, ok? Your sister lives far away and that is hard on relationships. My DH's sister moved to Japan and they only saw her rarely. She did call her parents every couple weeks and that was how we got news. She had four kids and we always found out a few weeks late, thanks to my ILs being slow about sharing news. My dh's sister died a couple years ago from breast cancer. She was in Japan when it happened. I guess I am saying, when people are far away it can be easy to make a big deal out of things that in hindsight are small. Call your sister and tell her how happy you are for her. Don't be offended. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 In our family, we would find it normal to give important information to my mother and assume she will spread the word. Given your sister is currently abroad, that's even more of a reason to do it that way! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I would get most info through my mother or stepmother. It usually filters through though sometimes I would like to hear a bit earlier (they sometimes don't realise how fond i was of the person who died etc). If you have always been extremely close and told each other everything straight away being disappointed seems reasonable though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily_Grace Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Nope, not unless sis never emails you herself. Well meaning parents can step on toes and steal thunder without realizing it (as I think about my MIL rushing to tell my husband our youngest was born instead of waiting the 5 minutes it would take for me to clean up and call him myself. To say I was a bit put out was an understatement). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PachiSusan Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Offended? No. I would be nursing a bit of hurt that she didn't share it with me in person or by phone though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Seriously? I didn't tell anyone but my mom and dad. They then told my siblings and extended family. Dh told his parents, and they in turn told the rest of his family. We've been happily married for 15 years. I really don't think this is something that speaks to their readiness to get married. honestly - it depends upon the family. but if they are used to hearing what's going on in family members lives *from the person, not some other family member*, then yeah, I'd wonder about why she couldn't be bothered to share it herself. op says her family is close - so yes, I would see it as a poor reflection on her sister's maturity that she was "too busy" to share something of such significance. I shared things with my mom - and they got out that way. that's how our family operated, but I also don't come from a close family. My adult children, who are all close to each other, share with me- and I allow them the privledge of sharing their important milestones with their siblings and not deny them that perk of acheivement. (and if that means I say ' you need to talk to your brother . . . ' i do.) and I'm celebrating my 31st anniversary in six weeks . . . .and I don't see how that is any more relevant to my opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Not at all. In our family it's kind of understood that one of my sisters will let everyone know everything going on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I'd be happy for my sister and thinking about what I could do to help her, not thinking of myself and what should have been done for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 My sister who lives overseas called me on Friday, 29 Feb 2008 to tell me she was getting married that day! And that I was lucky to know beforehand, because she was telling everyone else that evening at what they thought was her birthday party. My other sister and her family happened to be visiting and also found out that morning. They got to attend the civil ceremony :) This was sister's second marriage and she had been living with her husband-to-be for a while, but there was no engagement announcement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I would assume that she meant to tell you herself, but Mom got to you before she did. I would choose to not be offended. I agree. I would think, given the geography, that she would call your mom and let the news spread from there. I don't think it's self centered so much as efficient. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Seriously? I didn't tell anyone but my mom and dad. They then told my siblings and extended family. Dh told his parents, and they in turn told the rest of his family. We've been happily married for 15 years. I really don't think this is something that speaks to their readiness to get married. Gosh, it never occurred to me to tell my sibs. Of course, they were brothers, not sisters, so maybe that's the difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 No, I wouldn't. I'd be happy for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I would not be offended. I would think little sister isn't old enough to get married if she can't be bothered to tell both of her sisters herself. eta: I do not consider the time diffrence a valid excuse. she could have dropped an e-mail to be read at everyones leisure. She's not mature enough to get married if she didn't call each of her sisters herself? That really has nothing to do with maturity level. There are a million reasons why she didn't call. It could have been some sort of deliberate dig, or it could have just been some sort of logistical thing. And just maybe, she thought word would spread and it wasn't that big a deal. There are so many other things in life to get offended about, I wouldn't bother with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I was going to say yes, except I'm realized I didn't call and tell my sister when I got engaged...pretty sure my mom told her. And I think my mom told me when she got engaged. So I guess I wouldn't be offended, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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