mommymilkies Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 I need some ideas on making dinner happier. My kids fight about everything from which fork they get (even when they're all the same!), to who sits where. Then they fight and yell at each other because someone is "looking at them" or any variety of other offenses real or imagined. I'm pretty sure Neanderthals were more civilized. We model good manners and try to nip this behavior, but I'm at a loss. Dh is about ready to take all of his meals solitary to be away from it all. So if you have mealtimes that don't make you cry from distress, what is your secret? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 They leave the table and don't eat until they can behave. Period. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 How about assigned seats at the table? Then whoever complains about which fork/spoon/cup, etc. they get is the one that has to clear the table and put the dishes in the dishwasher/wash them. If they complain about someone looking at them they can turn their chair around and face backwards until the rest of the family is done and then they can finish their meal (and maybe do the clean up if it makes the rest of the family wait). If one is instigating stuff then they get clean up or table setting duty, etc. Make is so non rewarding to fight/complain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Mine have their own utensils (ds has a Madagascar fork and dd has chop sticks), their own plates/bowls/cups, and we each have our spots at the table. No idea how to handle the other stuff. Maybe sit with plates on laps facing away from the table. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassy Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 We have strategically planned seating arrangements - ie we don't put those dc who are most likely to fight or mess out about either next to each other or opposite each other. DH is very good at engaging everyone's attention in some crazy conversation that makes them forget to fight. At times when all else fails I suggest we have a 'silence' competition - ie who can go longest without saying anything - although that can degenerate into even sillier behaviour if they're feeling really determined to be beastly. I like Remudamom's suggestion of asking them to leave the table best; it's something I have done in the past, but probably should do more often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 I can see where you would assign seats, utensils and all that but I don't think it's dealing with the problem. It's just avoidance. If you can't behave you don't eat is just easier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mango Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Assigned seating Pre-loaded plates of food for the youngers. Same beverage for all, water! Everyone has the same silverware & dish pattern & style of drinking cup. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 I'd find a place to hide and eat by myself. That's about where I'm at. We had individually chosen drinkware, but they soon forgot about that. I do assign seating most nights because the fighting is ridiculous, but they still fight. We've tried having them eat in the other room (at the cleared lego full size table) but that just made me feel bad. I want to eat at a family. But sometimes I daydream about the "children should be seen not heard" from the Laura Ingalls Wilder books. :coolgleamA: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 We have nice mealtimes around here. Some of it might be luck, but some of it had to have been strategy. I've never allowed them to be rude, to mess around, to argue, to complain about the meal. I agree with Remudamom for fixing it now, except that we do all have particular seats. Everybody has jobs to do surrounding mealtime and that probably helps lend commaraderie. I have a schedule: who sets the table, who picks the prayer, who puts away leftovers, who sweeps, who clears the table, who washes the dishes. Even when they were 2 years old, they had a job of putting the cloth napkins away, carrying dishes, picking the prayer. When they were little, if they messed around, they lost their food. I know, big harsh mommy. But it worked! :laugh: They don't mess around; they eat. One other thing that we did that could possibly help you is we did quizzes and games using those learning place mats. Kept the conversations fun and educational. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live2Ride Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 I need some ideas on making dinner happier. My kids fight about everything from which fork they get (even when they're all the same!), to who sits where. Then they fight and yell at each other because someone is "looking at them" or any variety of other offenses real or imagined. I'm pretty sure Neanderthals were more civilized. We model good manners and try to nip this behavior, but I'm at a loss. Dh is about ready to take all of his meals solitary to be away from it all. So if you have mealtimes that don't make you cry from distress, what is your secret? Bad dinner behavior gets ours dismissed from the table. First time is a verbal warning. Second time they leave for 5-10 min until they can return and apologize. Third time they get sent to their room and they get to eat in the morning. Trust me #3 does not happen often once you stand firm on it. NO caving...they won't starve overnight. We also have places assigned at our table. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Honestly, I would just tell them there's a new sheriff in town and this is how it's going to be starting now. Make one of those rule boards like SuperNanny would do. Your older 3 are definitely by far old enough to learn how to have a pleasant meal and the 2 youngers should definitely learn now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 We recently started a new dish thing. Everyone has a single color place setting and you are responsible for washing it between meals and setting it at the table. Red for little son, Blue for older son. We even have colors for ourselves to reinforce the concept. The younger one is 4 so he can rinse his plate, bowl, cup and such just fine. I scrub it for him but my older son washed his totally. For some reason this has resulted in way less fuss and muss about dinner time. No more "I want the pink cup!!!!!!" And a clear delineation of when the meal is over. And less mess to clean up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 "I'm sorry, if you can't be pleasant at the table you will leave it." Then the offender gets to eat his/her dinner cold while sitting alone at the table. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 They leave the table and don't eat until they can behave. Period. Yup. Bonus is that you only need to do this once or twice with one or two of the kids for the rest of them to learn the lesson pretty darn quick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 That's about where I'm at. We had individually chosen drinkware, but they soon forgot about that. I do assign seating most nights because the fighting is ridiculous, but they still fight. We've tried having them eat in the other room (at the cleared lego full size table) but that just made me feel bad. I want to eat at a family. But sometimes I daydream about the "children should be seen not heard" from the Laura Ingalls Wilder books. :coolgleamA: Why should you or your dh have to do that -- go eat by yourselves??? Do not cave to the kids' horrible behaviour. They have NO right to treat ANYONE that way. They have NO right to ruin mealtime for ANYONE in the family. People seem to have a tendency to treat strangers with more politeness than they do their own family. That never washed in my mother's house and that does NOT wash in my house either. You treat everyone politely, and if you can't, you go sit by yourself until you decide to be polite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Assigned seats. Lots of "get over it. The plates/forks/spoons/glasses came from the same set. They're identical and no one has their name engraved on the bottom. Eat." and "You're done. Get out." But then, I'm actually an ogre. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twinmom Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Special needs kids here, but we also do assigned seats, assigned dinnertime chores and color coordinated dishes. That and lots of "leave the table until you can use your manners!" Yes, I said lots. One time doesn't work for kids with impulse issues! It always helps to have DH at the table to wrangle the boys, as well! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 We have assigned seats as well. Whoever sets the table decides where the cups, plates, and silverware go. Everyone over 2yo stays at the table until we are all done. Everyone has assigned clean-up chores. We talk about our day while we're eating too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 My kids, especially the one who flirts with failure to thrive, would be fine skipping meals. I think I've got weird kids in that respect. Anyway, I sometimes send the offender(s) to have his dinner in his bedroom. My thought is no one has the right to ruin the meal atmosphere for others. It seems like this sort of behavior becomes a pattern. If you can flip it so that the positive becomes a goal and then a habit it will help. We celebrate polite and kind dinner behavior as well as politeness and kindness in general. I just have a problem in that I have an excessively silly kid who sometimes has trouble remembering when silly is welcome and when to turn it off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 I don't have the energy for rules about who has what job, who uses which fork, etc. My rule is that you do what mom says. That's it. If I ask you to set, you set. If I ask you to clear, you clear. Even if you also cleared yesterday. I don't care. Cause guess what? I cook every night. I would send the annoying kid off to his or her room until the rest of us were done. He or she would be free to eat alone later. I don't know if I could let a kid be hungry over night. I am a softie in some ways. But honestly, I am strict about how my children speak to each other ALL of the time. It isn't a dinner thing. I always nip the fussing and arguing in the bud. I am a total slacker about other things, and my kids are probably spoiled in ways that would alarm some of you. But I totally pick the battle of how people speak to each other. It is worth the energy to me. I have three boys and if I let them, they would pick at each other all day. I seriously just don't let them. Ever in my presence. If they want to have I out, they can do that off alone, and what I don't know can't hurt me. But I Will Not listen to them pick and argue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 I don't have the energ for rules about who has what job, who uses which fork, etc. My rule is that you do what mom says. That's it. If I ask you to set, you set. If I ask you to clear, you clear. Even if you also cleared yesterday. I don't care. Cause guess what? I cook every night. Oh, my gosh! This is so me!! When they start arguing about chores, I offer to let them wash clothes, cook food, and scrub toilets instead of the chores I randomly assign. Today my kids were arguing about sharing their toys, and I told them that I wasn't going to share my TV or my dining room table or my couch anymore. If they wanted to eat at a table again, they could save their own money and buy one. It may not have been my finest moment, but they got it. But honestly, I am strict about how my children speak to each other ALL of the time. It isn't a dinner thing. I always nip the fussing and arguing in the bud. I am a total slacker about other things, and my kids are probably spoiled in ways that would alarm some of you. But I totally pick the battle of how people speak to each other. It is worth the energy to me. I have three boys and if I let them, they would pick at each other all day. I seriously just don't let them. Ever in my presence. If they want to have I out, they can do that off alone, and what I don't know can't hurt me. But I Will Not listen to them pick and argue. This is so me too! I can't stand to listen to complaining, whining, fussing, and arguing. We all live here in this small house, and we WILL all feel safe, secure, wanted, and respected here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 This topic was funny to see. Usually Dh is gone at work before the kids get up. On the weekends he gets up with the kids only one day, I the other (usually). And then it's usually the kids get up one at a time and it's quiet. While during Christmas he noticed that for some reason :glare: when both boys are in the kitchen together for breakfast for some reason they usually sing. (And by sing I mean something between making random strange noises and singing) So I let him in my secret. Audio books. I take breakfast orders, then turn on an audio book. At which point anything you want to say must be said in sign language. If it must be said, and you can't say it in sign language. I will pause the audio and we will look up how to sign what you need to say. No talking till breakfast is eaten. No sqawks, sqeals, battle booms, beeps, .... I but my secret into action and he was amazed. Sorry it doesn't help you with your problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 I would start by revoking speaking privileges at the table. Please, Yes, and No Thank You would be the limit of what any kid was allowed to say (2yo excepted of course). Let them eat in silence and listen to Mom and Dad having a pleasant dinner time conversation. After a few meals, they could get their speaking privs back as long as they were polite, starting with the youngest ones first since they need more corrections. Yes, this is really what we did when our kids were little and got unruly at the table. And if they spoke out of turn at the table, they got sent away and had to come back and eat their dinner alone later. It did not take very long before they figured out that they needed to step down the energy level at the table and be polite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 They leave the table and don't eat until they can behave. Period. Fortunately for us, we usually only deal with one or two having issues at the table at a time. We tell them before and during the meal that they are required to behave in such a way that everyone can have a pleasant mealtime. Everyone has an assigned seat. I remember those fights from when I was growing up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 We have assigned seats. We do not change them, and life is much simpler as a result. Drinks are milk or water in their assigned glass or cup. We have one cup/glass per person per day which helps reduce the number of dirty dishes tremendously. Each child has assigned meal chores (one fixes all of the drinks, one carries the prepared plates to the table, littles provide napkins and utensils). Everyone clears their own dishes. Not to say that everything is perfect at mealtime, but these non-negotiables definitely make things a lot more peaceful and efficient for us at mealtime. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Can you have two seatings? One for animals and one for civilized folks? Civilized seating gets dessert! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reya Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Every time they squabble, make them all do push ups or send them outside to do laps around the house. ALL of them. They'll police each other REALLY, REALLY fast! I only have 2, but 2 of the neighbors' kids eat with ours at one house or the other pretty often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 They leave the table and don't eat until they can behave. Period. You treat everyone politely, and if you can't, you go sit by yourself until you decide to be polite. Yep. What Remudamom & Audrey said.... I really don't remember ever having problems like that (my dc are now 11 & 14). Good behavior/conversing politely/being kind to one another/having nice table manners was always expected & reinforced at the table (as well as away from the table). From a very young age, they have also eaten off the good china w/ full place settings at home, as well as going through multi-course meals at my in-laws' house. (The kids have been allowed to get up & go play between courses because it's hard to sit that long otherwise.) Be firm & consistent about expecting the correct behavior. You can do it & will totally enjoy reaping the benefit of your work! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 we have assigned seating, but that was introduced when our children were younger (very little) to stop one particular boy from hiding his veggies under the table. Apart form that we have never had much of a problem. I guess my children come to the table too hungry to be fighting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wormbuy Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 In addiotherto what others have suggested, how about a daily quiet/alone time? Sounds like they may need a break from each otalI recently watched SWB YouTube on this and she mentioned that when you homeschool, your siblings are around aal. The . Time. Hope you can decipher that, I can't figure out how to fix it on my iPad, it is not doing what I ask. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 I'll echo everyone else. That type of behavior would not be tolerated for two minutes in my house. If you fight or otherwise misbehave at the dinner table, and your behavior is rude and it ruins MY meal...you are done eating. You will leave the kitchen and not eat until morning. Whine and cry about it all night if you want...I could care less, you'll be in your room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted January 3, 2013 Author Share Posted January 3, 2013 In addiotherto what others have suggested, how about a daily quiet/alone time? Sounds like they may need a break from each otalI recently watched SWB YouTube on this and she mentioned that when you homeschool, your siblings are around aal. The . Time. Hope you can decipher that, I can't figure out how to fix it on my iPad, it is not doing what I ask. We do, but they all have to share rooms, and time away from each other is hard to come by. Usually when it is nicer out I have them go outside or in separate rooms, but it's really cold out right now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 If you can't behave at the table, you will leave. We use the same plates and utensils; the children (minus the baby) each have a hand-made pottery mug and bowl that is specifically their own. There's no arguing over any of it; if there was, the child who was arguing would be removed from the table. We didn't set out to have assigned seating; it just happened that way, because of certain people needing to be certain places (the baby's seat is strapped to one chair all the time, the 4yo is between DH and me so we can pass things around him easily, etc.), and now we don't deviate from it unless there's company. Again, if people argued about it, they'd leave the table. We do have some assigned chores, but they're morning tasks, not dinnertime ones; if I tell you to help set/clear the table or whatever, I'm not asking if you feel like doing it -- I'm assigning it to be done. Any complaints about how much I make them do gets met with the question, "Would you like to do what I do all day?" or the suggestion, "If you've got energy to complain, the toilet needs scrubbing." I think in your case, I'd assign some seats and enforce that. Once that's a firm habit, move on to the next behavior you'd like to correct. And so on, until you see much better table manners. Also, I wonder if maybe a snack a couple of hours before dinner would help? I know if my children get too hungry, they get really grumpy, and it's harder to snap them out of those moods. Easier to stave it off, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misty.warden Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Bad dinner behavior gets ours dismissed from the table. First time is a verbal warning. Second time they leave for 5-10 min until they can return and apologize. Third time they get sent to their room and they get to eat in the morning. Trust me #3 does not happen often once you stand firm on it. NO caving...they won't starve overnight. We also have places assigned at our table. I don't have the energy for rules about who has what job, who uses which fork, etc. My rule is that you do what mom says. That's it. If I ask you to set, you set. If I ask you to clear, you clear. Even if you also cleared yesterday. I don't care. Cause guess what? I cook every night. I would send the annoying kid off to his or her room until the rest of us were done. He or she would be free to eat alone later. I don't know if I could let a kid be hungry over night. I am a softie in some ways. But honestly, I am strict about how my children speak to each other ALL of the time. It isn't a dinner thing. I always nip the fussing and arguing in the bud. I am a total slacker about other things, and my kids are probably spoiled in ways that would alarm some of you. But I totally pick the battle of how people speak to each other. It is worth the energy to me. I have three boys and if I let them, they would pick at each other all day. I seriously just don't let them. Ever in my presence. If they want to have I out, they can do that off alone, and what I don't know can't hurt me. But I Will Not listen to them pick and argue. All of this. It makes my AP friends faint where they stand and my grandma have a near coronary when I have to tell her to enforce it with me when we're all together. Color coding plates and working out a perfect rotating schedule to ensure fairness is not the real world and my dining room is not going to be a democratic fantasy. Knocking out nastiness to each other, especially at mealtimes, is my hill to die on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily_Grace Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 We've used the button game to curb bad behaviors. :) Each person gets 10 buttons/coins/whatever next to their plate. If caught using bad manners (including complaining or fighting), the person who catches them gains one of their buttons. The one with the most at the end of the meal gets to choose the following activity - making dessert, watching a movie, playing a game, going for a walk - for the entire family to do together. It's one of those games where everyone wins some way. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 That was happening at breakfast here. I started reading novels to them. It calmed down the situation and carried over to other meals. Oh, and I kept Silly Putty at the table for those who finished early. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 I've been thinking about this thread a little bit and I remember a couple of things that made a difference when my kids were younger. I don't know where the OP stands on the whole open kitchen vs. planned eating debate, but in our case, I noticed that it was a much better dinnertime if everyone was hungry. There was a period of time when I thought I was going to allow "grazing," but I found that this made dinnertime moot. They were not hungry enough to try asparagus (or whatever) and there was no incentive to eat NOW if they knew they could just have cereal later. They were allowed to have planned snacks, but the "grazing" had to go. It was necessary that they be hungry at dinnertime, because then they had a stake in the game. Also, I remember we used a timer for a while with each kid - that was the warning that they needed to stop dilly-dallying or being inattentive or the meal was going to disappear. So, with a child who was 4 for example, if they stopped eating and started being silly, I would say, "You need to eat your food or I'm going to get the 'cow' timer." (It was shaped like a cow.) If they didn't get down to business, I would set the timer for 2 minutes or whatever short time and at the end of it, their meal was over. It never even came to that as far as I recall. They knew I was serious and if they wanted to eat, they better get busy or they would lose their meal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 We've used the button game to curb bad behaviors. :) Each person gets 10 buttons/coins/whatever next to their plate. If caught using bad manners (including complaining or fighting), the person who catches them gains one of their buttons. The one with the most at the end of the meal gets to choose the following activity - making dessert, watching a movie, playing a game, going for a walk - for the entire family to do together. It's one of those games where everyone wins some way. :) I like this! OP, you said you wanted a happy meal time. I think it's perfectly reasonable for someone ruining things for everyone else to be excused. But focusing on consequences (which may well be warranted and something you need to do) in your approaches probably won't get you what you really want for meals. I'd try to work in some way to encourage and the celebrate the successes in dinner behavior. Ideally you'll have more positive feedback than negative. That doesn't mean a consequence isn't warranted at times. But I'd try my best to make it the family working toward great mealtimes together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 With four kids within three years, we had to have strick table rules. Now, at their ages, they fix their own drinks (water) and wait in line behind me while I serve them their plates of food while at the stove. They then carry their food to the table and sit in their assigned seats and wait for everyone to be seated before we say Grace and eat. We do not have bad behavior at the table. They get two verbal warnings and then they go straight to time out. If they return to the table and their bad attitude continues, I ask them to rake their food in the trash, place their plate in the sink and go to bed. It doesn't happen often. They typically apologize quickly. Every now and then I hear complaints of plates or cups because we have mixed sets but I always just state "you get what you get" and they typically move on. Everyone is required to clear their dishes and cups, rake in the trash and put in sink. They have done this since about age 3 with no issues. All this color coordinating, reward systems seems like entirely too much work. Make them behave at the table. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CupOCoffee Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Oh, my gosh! This is so me!! When they start arguing about chores, I offer to let them wash clothes, cook food, and scrub toilets instead of the chores I randomly assign. Today my kids were arguing about sharing their toys, and I told them that I wasn't going to share my TV or my dining room table or my couch anymore. If they wanted to eat at a table again, they could save their own money and buy one. It may not have been my finest moment, but they got it. This is so me too! I can't stand to listen to complaining, whining, fussing, and arguing. We all live here in this small house, and we WILL all feel safe, secure, wanted, and respected here. I have SO pulled this one! I work; I bring the $$ to buy the table, TV, blanket, whatever that you are fighting over. It's MINE. And maybe I don't want share my stuff anymore....lol. And while they may roll their eyes at me, they do get it. For the OP: I don't really have any else of greatness to add. I too would be having the offending child(ren) leave the table and they can eat when we are done, alone. No manners, no eating with the rest of us. This goes for behavior towards each other in the family room as well (our main room). "Oh, you can't act like a member of this family is supposed to? Then you can't be in the FAMILY ROOM..." and they go till then can act like they are supposed to. ~coffee~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 They leave the table and don't eat until they can behave. Period. :iagree: I t only took mine a few days to realize they had to choose between being pleasant and going hungry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 I work; I bring the $$ to buy the table, TV, blanket, whatever that you are fighting over. It's MINE. :laugh: I have said to my kids, "Wait, what? YOUR room? This room is not yours. It is Dad's and mine. We just let you sleep in it." :coolgleamA: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaBirdX7 Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 We don't have a problem at meal times, but when my children are rude I get confused. If someone says, "You're stupid." I hear, "I want to wash the dishes." One child is fond of the word carp which I understand as, "I want to clean the toilet." It works for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 We don't have a problem at meal times, but when my children are rude I get confused. If someone says, "You're stupid." I hear, "I want to wash the dishes." One child is fond of the word carp which I understand as, "I want to clean the toilet." It works for us. This is awesome. Definitely using this tomorrow. I am constantly calling my 6yo to the kitchen and telling him in my best actress voice, "Dear 6yo, you won't believe what your brothers and sisters did to you again. Can you believe they put your boots and coat on the floor after you put them away? Why would they do that to you? Who do you think did it? Will you please go pick up your stuff so I don't have to figure out which one did it?" He rolls his eyes, but some day he will remember to put his things away the first time. Some day he will be doing the same thing to his kids, and they will be rolling their eyes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 We don't have a problem at meal times, but when my children are rude I get confused. If someone says, "You're stupid." I hear, "I want to wash the dishes." One child is fond of the word carp which I understand as, "I want to clean the toilet." It works for us. :D They are so lucky to live in a multi-lingual home! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Everyone has a seat that is theirs - no complaining about it. All of the silverware is the same - no complaining about it. If people have nothing nice to say (to each other), they should say nothing at all. 1st rule infraction you get an unemotional, matter-of-fact warning 2nd rule infraction you get an unemotional, matter-of-fact warning 3rd rule infraction you go sit on your bed until everyone else is finished with dinner, and then you can eat your dinner in your seat with your silverware all by yourself I'd keep a pad and paper to keep track of which kid is on which warning. We have pleasant mealtimes at my house. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 We changed seating. The two worst offenders (usually got the sillies) were seated one on each side of me so that they could not see one another. We also made a few minor tweaks, like getting another pair of red chopsticks :rolleyes: . The idea was to set them up for success. Then, if a fine young gentleman chose to be a butthead...er, to behave inappropriately....he was sent to sit on the steps. Five minutes for a first offense; second offense, for the remainder of the meal and the offender had to eat alone when everyone else had finished. I also started "conversation practice." Each person would share something about their day, and everyone else was required to make a comment or ask a question. The idea was that a) they would become engaged in conversation to prevent the sillies and bickering, and B) they would learn how to carry on a basic civilized dinner table conversation. Meals are mostly pleasant now. I can't remember the last time I've sent someone away from the table. Oh, wait....ds9 was sent away a few days ago for egregious and unrepentant farting. But that's unusual these days (at the dinner table, at least, which is where I drew the line...sigh). Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garddwr Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 I've been thinking about this thread a little bit and I remember a couple of things that made a difference when my kids were younger. I don't know where the OP stands on the whole open kitchen vs. planned eating debate, but in our case, I noticed that it was a much better dinnertime if everyone was hungry. There was a period of time when I thought I was going to allow "grazing," but I found that this made dinnertime moot. They were not hungry enough to try asparagus (or whatever) and there was no incentive to eat NOW if they knew they could just have cereal later. They were allowed to have planned snacks, but the "grazing" had to go. It was necessary that they be hungry at dinnertime, because then they had a stake in the game. Also, I remember we used a timer for a while with each kid - that was the warning that they needed to stop dilly-dallying or being inattentive or the meal was going to disappear. So, with a child who was 4 for example, if they stopped eating and started being silly, I would say, "You need to eat your food or I'm going to get the 'cow' timer." (It was shaped like a cow.) If they didn't get down to business, I would set the timer for 2 minutes or whatever short time and at the end of it, their meal was over. It never even came to that as far as I recall. They knew I was serious and if they wanted to eat, they better get busy or they would lose their meal. This makes a lot of sense--but with my particular kids I have to make sure that they are not too hungry. If their blood sugar gets low they get really, really cranky. A snack about two hours before dinnertime means everyone is in a better mood at dinner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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