What would you do or feel if your child were left out of a birthday party?

[swellmomma]

Turns out it is my fault. I got a call from one of the moms that attended the tea and didn't stay overnight at the hotel. She said the mom told all the moms that she wanted my daughter to come but she was afraid I would want to come with the other moms to the tea. She said I don't dress nice enough and since I am overweight, the pictures wouldn't look good.

 

I am not a slob or anything, I am just more of a Land's End girl and she and her circle of friends are much more trendy.

 

The mom felt really bad about it and wanted me to know that she didn't take part.

 

I think I will just tell DD that the mom doesn't like me. I don't think I want to go into the weight thing with DD.

 

Holy flying fig newtons, that woman needs a slap upside the head. It was one thing to think the invite was lost in the mail, or that they changed their mind due to bad form. But to be so downright mean and say that crap to the other moms is sickening.

 

I would not give that gift card to them. I would have nothing to do with them again. What a *****.

[Harriet Vane]

No invite = no gift. At this point, it doesn't make sense at all.

 

Time to help your daughter find her own interests and new friends! I would be advising her about the differences between acquaintances and friends. She only needs one or two real friends.

 

And if acquaintances act this poorly, you let your acquaintanceship slide.

 

Save your time, energy and gifts for your real friends.

 

Either return the gift card, exchange it or use it to by X-mas presents for your own daughter.

 

And gee - if you aren't considered beautiful, then I must be hideous. Just saying.

 

:iagree:

[Impish]

Yeah, ppl *do* make comments like that, and reason that way.

 

My mother, once told me that I could never have my best friend in the wedding party if I ever got married, b/c 'she's so fat, she'd ruin the pictures'.

 

I believe my response was, "Well, then you don't need to be there."

 

Remember, I wasn't even ENGAGED at that point. Just something she brought up, b/c I'd been talking to my best friend.

[cin]

I have come to hate FB for that very reason. My girls have had to look at pictures of dance team members getting together without them all summer and I know how much the lack of invite hurts over the actual missing of the party. :grouphug:

 

Facebook is like high school all over again. I have quietly unfriended 'friends' who do this as adults.

[jujsky]

Yup, no invite, no gift. You bought that gift with the expectation your DD would be attending that party. I also think it would be very awkward if your DD gave her the gift after not being invited. It could be taken all kinds of ways regardless of whether you were giving out of true kindness or to stick it to them and show you are a better person.

 

They suck. I hope your DD finds different friends. Even if the girl isn't at fault, this type of nastiness and attitude tends to trickle down.

 

Trickle-down b*&$%enomics.

[CAMom]

Turns out it is my fault. I got a call from one of the moms that attended the tea and didn't stay overnight at the hotel. She said the mom told all the moms that she wanted my daughter to come but she was afraid I would want to come with the other moms to the tea. She said I don't dress nice enough and since I am overweight, the pictures wouldn't look good.

 

I am not a slob or anything, I am just more of a Land's End girl and she and her circle of friends are much more trendy.

 

The mom felt really bad about it and wanted me to know that she didn't take part.

 

I think I will just tell DD that the mom doesn't like me. I don't think I want to go into the weight thing with DD.

 

This is as far as I've gotten but, are you kidding me?? That is the worst thing I think I've ever heard in the realm of "mean girls."

 

I'm fat and ugly, too, Lori. I can't imagine how I would feel in that situation. I am so, so sorry that happened to you.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Catwoman]

I'm fat and ugly, too, Lori.

 

No, you're not.

 

I see your avatar all the time, and I think you look beautiful!

[CAMom]

No, you're not.

 

I see your avatar all the time, and I think you look beautiful!

 

You are a doll, Cat. :grouphug:

 

 

Perchance do you live in Orange County? Shallow much? Yeah, time to find a new circle. There's no way that won't trickle down to their daughters. You don't want your dd to deal with that crap.

 

This is more where I was coming from. I could so, so easily see this happening here in Orange County and part of the reason I started posting about moving. This is definitely the type of thing that happens here. By the standards of the fancy pants people here I could be considered not good enough for such an event.

 

I just posted out of being indignant for poor Lori.:grouphug::grouphug: It was more of a instinctual thing.;)

[Harriet Vane]

No, you're not.

 

I see your avatar all the time, and I think you look beautiful!

 

:iagree:

[CAMom]

 

Secondly, unless you live in a world where women are that catty and superficial, you have no idea about the mindset. If Lori gives the gift card to the kid, the other mom will view herself as being the Important Alpha Queen Bee Mom to whom all others must bow down, no matter how poorly she treats them. She will feel that she has won. She will feel that poor, pathetic, inferior Lori is so desperate for her friendship, that she's willing to suck up to her even after she knew that she had been snubbed and publicly ridiculed, and her dd had been intentionally excluded from the party.

 

She will be happy all day long. And she will tell all of the other moms in her little coven all about it, and they'll have a great laugh over it.

 

And Lori will look like a woman who is so desperate for her daughter to be friends with this other kid, that she's willing to crawl in the dirt and beg for it.

 

Believe me. I grew up knowing lots of women just like the Evil Mom in Question, and they are too shallow and full of themselves to ever grasp the idea that the gift card would be anything but an attempt to suck up and be part of her catty little group.

 

I would never, ever give a gift to that child, and I wouldn't have anything to do with the mom or the girl ever again.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree: This is actually exactly where my sentiment was coming from! Unless you've been there, well....normal people wouldn't believe the things that happen!;)

[Catwoman]

:iagree::iagree::iagree: This is actually exactly where my sentiment was coming from! Unless you've been there, well....normal people wouldn't believe the things that happen!;)

 

Truthfully, I always thought of it as "the norm" because it's so prevalent where we live. This forum did a lot to open my eyes to the fact that many places (and the people who live there) are so much nicer. Where we live, in many cases, if someone wants to be your friend right after meeting you, you wonder what they're after. :glare:

 

I'm not saying that there aren't a lot of wonderful people here, but there are also many, many women who are incredibly competitive and catty, and those women can be incredibly toxic, even when they consider you to be "one of them." It's very easy to get sucked into the "we're better than they are" mentality, and to start thinking it's OK to say mean things about other people because they don't look or dress a certain way, or drive the right car, or live in the right neighborhood.

 

Oh, and don't look better than the Queen Bee or have more money than she does, either, because then she'll say you're stuck up and that you're probably anorexic or that you've had a lot of plastic surgery, or you're a trophy wife, or that your poor husband is probably in debt up to his eyeballs from spoiling you so much.

 

Sooner or later, toxic people end up being toxic to everyone around them. As soon as you identify them, it's time to run the other way, even if they seem fun at first.

 

I have to say that I suspect that, in Lori's case, there's a reason why the other mom didn't want her at the party, which had nothing to do with Lori not looking good enough -- and I'm pretty sure it had something to do with that woman feeling somehow inferior to Lori. Maybe Lori has a nicer personality, is smarter, or is funnier, and the woman was worried that the rest of the coven might pay more attention to Lori than to her or say something nice about her after the party -- or maybe that woman's husband once said he thought Lori was pretty, and the woman never got over it.

[mom2samlibby]

I agree. Alpha wolves don't let other people control their behaviour or determine their actions.

 

Giving the gift to the daughter is the proper thing to do. Nothing the mother did can change that.

 

Why is that proper? They never received the follow up invite. No gift needed.

[Carrie75]

This is more where I was coming from. I could so, so easily see this happening here in Orange County and part of the reason I started posting about moving. This is definitely the type of thing that happens here. By the standards of the fancy pants people here I could be considered not good enough for such an event.

 

I just posted out of being indignant for poor Lori.:grouphug::grouphug: It was more of a instinctual thing.;)

 

That is so true about coastal So Cal in general. I hear women cut down other women all the time socially. It's awful. I honestly wonder how it would be if I lived in a town where this wasn't so prevalent.

[Laurie4b]

Turns out it is my fault. I got a call from one of the moms that attended the tea and didn't stay overnight at the hotel. She said the mom told all the moms that she wanted my daughter to come but she was afraid I would want to come with the other moms to the tea. She said I don't dress nice enough and since I am overweight, the pictures wouldn't look good.

 

I am not a slob or anything, I am just more of a Land's End girl and she and her circle of friends are much more trendy.

 

The mom felt really bad about it and wanted me to know that she didn't take part.

 

I think I will just tell DD that the mom doesn't like me. I don't think I want to go into the weight thing with DD.

 

:svengo: Bizarre.

[vonfirmath]

I would really hope so, but what would possess this other mom to lie about it? That seems equally crazy./QUOTE]

 

To cause drama. To be "in" with this mom and drive a wedge between her and the other mama.

[J-rap]

That's just bizarre and really creepy! You're lucky you and your daughter were not part of that group afterall!!

[Denisemomof4]

I would tell your dd to keep the gift card and buy something for herself with it.

 

Why would you encourage your dd to give a gift to a kid who purposely excluded her from a birthday party that she knew your dd was very excited about attending? :confused:

 

I'm sorry, but I just don't buy into the whole "be the bigger person" thing. How are you being a bigger person by rewarding a person who intentionally hurt your feelings? Why should Lori's dd be gracious when the other child was not?

 

If you really want her to be gracious (and again, I don't see why you would,) have your dd send her a birthday card. NO GIFT. A gift is not required if she wasn't invited to the party.

 

(And because the mom specifically asked you for your address so she could send the invitation, I wouldn't be feeling particularly friendly toward her right now, either. She really messed up in a big way, and she was incredibly inconsiderate of your dd's feelings. :glare:)

 

:iagree: i wonder if something happened to the invitation. I can't imagine someone being so rude.

[Denisemomof4]

Turns out it is my fault. I got a call from one of the moms that attended the tea and didn't stay overnight at the hotel. She said the mom told all the moms that she wanted my daughter to come but she was afraid I would want to come with the other moms to the tea. She said I don't dress nice enough and since I am overweight, the pictures wouldn't look good.

 

I am not a slob or anything, I am just more of a Land's End girl and she and her circle of friends are much more trendy.

 

The mom felt really bad about it and wanted me to know that she didn't take part.

 

I think I will just tell DD that the mom doesn't like me. I don't think I want to go into the weight thing with DD.

:blink::ohmy::ohmy::ohmy::svengo: now THAT sounds too far fetched to believe. If it is true, I had NO IDEA people could be so screwed up!!!! :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: that is SO awful.

 

 

SERIOUSLY??!!!

[Denisemomof4]

No, you're not.

 

I see your avatar all the time, and I think you look beautiful!

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:Shame on you, CAMom.

[CAMom]

:iagree::iagree::iagree:Shame on you, CAMom.

 

Cat, Strider and Denise...you are all too kind!:grouphug:

 

I just hurt for Lori because I live in an area where this could easily happen and there is no way I would have made this woman's cut. Sad but true.:)

[IsabelC]

:grouphug: Lori

 

Don't know whether to believe the 'explanation' or not, but all these people sound so crazy it's probably not worth your time or energy to worry about it any more, so I think you're doing the right thing to focus on helping your daughter to deal with it.

[Catwoman]

I just hurt for Lori because I live in an area where this could easily happen and there is no way I would have made this woman's cut. Sad but true.:)

 

Although it's a real shame that Lori's dd is upset about not having been invited to the party, I think Lori unwittingly dodged a bullet by not making that woman's cut. That other mom sounds horrible, and Queen Bee Moms often have dds who turn out to be just like them, so ultimately, the daughter probably wouldn't have been a good friend to Lori's dd, either.

[jhschool]

 

I'm fat and ugly, too, Lori. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

 

Whoa!!! Why are perfectly nice and beautiful people saying such things?

 

Let's not start belittling ourselves because of some mean people!!!

 

We are beautiful!!! Just ask our

husbands!

 

I won't let people call themselves fat and ugly!

 

Anyway, both Lori and you are

very pretty! (And Lori might not

appreciate the "too!!!!")

[CAMom]

Although it's a real shame that Lori's dd is upset about not having been invited to the party, I think Lori unwittingly dodged a bullet by not making that woman's cut. That other mom sounds horrible, and Queen Bee Moms often have dds who turn out to be just like them, so ultimately, the daughter probably wouldn't have been a good friend to Lori's dd, either.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:It stings but we're much better off not allowing that kind of toxicity in our lives!

[CAMom]

Anyway, both Lori and you are

very pretty! (And Lori might not

appreciate the "too!!!!")

 

I should have thought a minute before I posted. I wasn't calling Lori or myself ugly (even with the "too"). I am fat. That's OK. I know it. It's no secret.

 

Anyway, I wasn't saying either of us actually is ugly. I was commiserating knowing what it's like to not live up to other people's personal appearance standard.

 

Lori, please forgive me if it came across in a way that I was determining that you were actually fat and ugly (or not dressing well enough). That's not at all what I meant. I just didn't say it right.:grouphug::grouphug:

[Catwoman]

I should have thought a minute before I posted. I wasn't calling Lori or myself ugly (even with the "too"). I am fat. That's OK. I know it. It's no secret.

 

Anyway, I wasn't saying either of us actually is ugly. I was commiserating knowing what it's like to not live up to other people's personal appearance standard.

 

Lori, please forgive me if it came across in a way that I was determining that you were actually fat and ugly (or not dressing well enough). That's not at all what I meant. I just didn't say it right.:grouphug::grouphug:

 

I thought you said it right. I knew what you meant, and I'm sure everyone else did, too! :001_smile:

[i.love.lucy]

This thread is unbelievable. And yet...I fully believe it. Mean people suck.

 

Lori, the best thing you can teach your daughter is to protect her heart from mean people.

 

I am so, so sorry this happened to you. Truly. I hope I am the friend that would get up and walk out of a party if they were talking about my friend that way.

 

:grouphug:

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I would really hope so, but what would possess this other mom to lie about it? That seems equally crazy./QUOTE]

 

To cause drama. To be "in" with this mom and drive a wedge between her and the other mama.

 

Yeah, I mean, I can imagine why some crazycake would theoretically make something like that up. But given the rest of the story--the implied invite with no follow-through on details or follow-up on missed RSVP, the pictures on Facebook afterward--the second woman's story just dovetails right in with the first chunk of crazy-and-rude. It just doesn't seem that far-fetched to me in light of all the other details.

[PrairieSong]

Turns out it is my fault. I got a call from one of the moms that attended the tea and didn't stay overnight at the hotel. She said the mom told all the moms that she wanted my daughter to come but she was afraid I would want to come with the other moms to the tea. She said I don't dress nice enough and since I am overweight, the pictures wouldn't look good.

 

I am not a slob or anything, I am just more of a Land's End girl and she and her circle of friends are much more trendy.

 

The mom felt really bad about it and wanted me to know that she didn't take part.

 

I think I will just tell DD that the mom doesn't like me. I don't think I want to go into the weight thing with DD.

 

This is unbelievably horrible. :grouphug:

 

At least now we all know what happened to Regina George from "Mean Girls". This has to be her.

[TranquilMind]

To me, not giving it because of possible bad behaviour by the mother only teaches exactly the kind of behaviour you're railing against. It's a dependence on them to guide your own actions.

 

You're right. I didn't grow up in the midst of a lot of catty behaviour. What I do and what my neighbours (not a lot of them, I'm out in the boonies) tend to do is use our own sense of what's right and wrong to guide our decisions. In this case I would do as I said, call the mom up and arrange a time to give the gift. Nothing more. I would not pursue any kind of friendship or aquaintance with those women.

 

Either you play the catty game or you don't. But by truly not playing the game you've got to accept that all the reasons you gave amount to absolutely nothing.

 

Exactly. You do it anyway to teach your daughter that you are honorable even where others fail. I wouldn't even set up a time to deliver it. I would just mail it with a polite note and be done. It has NOTHING to do with the other Mom and everything to do with honoring your own code of behavior even when others do not do the right thing.

[Scarlett]

This thread is mind blowing.

 

To the OP.....wow....I feel horrible for you and your dd. These are people you need to avoid at all cost.

 

The worst 'birthday party' story I ever heard is my mom's. She invited 10 or so girls from her 5th grade class to her party...and no one came. Not one. This was 1955....in TX..Still makes me cringe all these years later when she tells the story.

[Sneezyone]

This thread is mind blowing.

 

To the OP.....wow....I feel horrible for you and your dd. These are people you need to avoid at all cost.

 

The worst 'birthday party' story I ever heard is my mom's. She invited 10 or so girls from her 5th grade class to her party...and no one came. Not one. This was 1955....in TX..Still makes me cringe all these years later when she tells the story.

 

That happened to my mother and aunts too (it was a joint party). In Seattle. In 1961.

[TranquilMind]

This thread is mind blowing.

 

To the OP.....wow....I feel horrible for you and your dd. These are people you need to avoid at all cost.

 

The worst 'birthday party' story I ever heard is my mom's. She invited 10 or so girls from her 5th grade class to her party...and no one came. Not one. This was 1955....in TX..Still makes me cringe all these years later when she tells the story.

 

That happened to my mother and aunts too (it was a joint party). In Seattle. In 1961.

 

I'm sorry.

 

It happened to us too. I was actually REQUESTED to hold a pool party for my daughter's swim class by one of the other parents. I sent invites. No one came at all. It was heartbreaking to hear, "But Mommy, where are the kids?" At least she was 4. I was able to distract her and get her to bed but I cried a lot.

[Scarlett]

I'm sorry.

 

It happened to us too. I was actually REQUESTED to hold a pool party for my daughter's swim class by one of the other parents. I sent invites. No one came at all. It was heartbreaking to hear, "But Mommy, where are the kids?" At least she was 4. I was able to distract her and get her to bed but I cried a lot.

 

:grouphug: I've asked my mom many times what she thinks happened. She thinks,feels, it might have been that they were new in town and very poor.....

 

Nothing has really changed in 50 years.

[TranquilMind]

:grouphug: I've asked my mom many times what she thinks happened. She thinks,feels, it might have been that they were new in town and very poor.....

 

Nothing has really changed in 50 years.

 

Nothing is new under the sun. I'm sorry this happened to your Mom. You don't forget an event like that, even from decades ago.

[Scarlett]

Nothing is new under the sun. I'm sorry this happened to your Mom. You don't forget an event like that, even from decades ago.

 

No you don't. I said 50 years, but actually it is closer to 60 years. My mom is not a dramatic person....but when she recounts this story she clearly still feels pain. I hate it. It makes me so determined to NEVER allow my son's friends to feel this way.

 

Sickening really.

[crazyforlatin]

I have to say that I suspect that, in Lori's case, there's a reason why the other mom didn't want her at the party, which had nothing to do with Lori not looking good enough -- and I'm pretty sure it had something to do with that woman feeling somehow inferior to Lori. Maybe Lori has a nicer personality, is smarter, or is funnier, and the woman was worried that the rest of the coven might pay more attention to Lori than to her or say something nice about her after the party -- or maybe that woman's husband once said he thought Lori was pretty, and the woman never got over it.

 

Cat, I agree, it doesn't have something to do what the woman actually says about Lori. There is something else going on - something that Lori has going for her that this woman doesn't.

 

It's painful to think that adults still behave like young immature girls. Will it ever end? I shudder think that the bullies in my previous life are still the same.

[Bear23]

We too have been left out of many parties here in our community. The children all talk about it and the child says yes you get to come and then i talk to the parents and get the oh we are not having a party then a soon you see all the children at said persons house. I have more than my fair share of a broken child's heart. We talk, then move on. Half the time I don't push to give the gift or go and get one.

I'd just let it go and use the card your self or to someone else who's having a birthday soon that likes American girl

[Bear23]

Turns out it is my fault. I got a call from one of the moms that attended the tea and didn't stay overnight at the hotel. She said the mom told all the moms that she wanted my daughter to come but she was afraid I would want to come with the other moms to the tea. She said I don't dress nice enough and since I am overweight, the pictures wouldn't look good.

 

I am not a slob or anything, I am just more of a Land's End girl and she and her circle of friends are much more trendy.

 

The mom felt really bad about it and wanted me to know that she didn't take part.

 

I think I will just tell DD that the mom doesn't like me. I don't think I want to go into the weight thing with DD.

 

Been there too. Even if the children are friends but the other parent don't care for ya you can expect limited contact.

Being military really does make it hard and I so glad that we are nearing the end and will soon be civilians and never have to move again.

[swellmomma]

This thread is mind blowing.

 

To the OP.....wow....I feel horrible for you and your dd. These are people you need to avoid at all cost.

 

The worst 'birthday party' story I ever heard is my mom's. She invited 10 or so girls from her 5th grade class to her party...and no one came. Not one. This was 1955....in TX..Still makes me cringe all these years later when she tells the story.

 

After the 4th year in a row of this happening to me as a kid I stopped having parties. It happened to my son twice and of my daughter's parties, she had 1 with no shows, and 1 where 2 girls showed and one fo them spent the whole time complaining and insulting everything. We did not do parties after that for years. My daughter had 1 last year and almost everyone came, but my other kids don't have them because no one ever comes to them. We just do something as a family instead.

[Sneezyone]

Been there too. Even if the children are friends but the other parent don't care for ya you can expect limited contact.

Being military really does make it hard and I so glad that we are nearing the end and will soon be civilians and never have to move again.[/QUOTe]

 

Cliques form early and are hard to break into. We spent one year out of state and you'd think we fell off the face of the earth. Fortunately, there are enough really nice families to make up the difference. It also helps that I couldn't give a rats behind.:D

 

In my mom's case, it was a homecoming party. And while mom was a cheerleader and somewhat popular, she was still black, living in a part of town known for its restrictive covenants.The other kids were not allowed to attend.

Edited September 3, 2012 by Sneezyone

[MollyAnn]

Something similar happened to us.

 

A friend of ds was having a bday party that consisted of bowling and then a sleepover. The mom saw me at school and invited our whole family to bowling and mentioned the sleepover afterward.

 

So we show up for bowling. Everything was fine. When it was over, all the boys went back to their house for the sleepover. A little while later, ds calls us to come pick him up because the friend said he could only have a certain number of friends stay for the sleepover and ds was not one of them. :glare:

 

Come to find out, the boy never wanted ds there in the first place. His mom invited us without asking her son if he wanted ds there or not. She just assumed. So we show up for bowling, give an expensive gift and then ds is asked to LEAVE???

 

Yeah, that mom got an earful from me she will not long forget. Nice parenting.

 

So it is definitely a strong possibility that the mom invited your dd but her own dd didn't. Nobody plans an overnight party at a hotel without confirming the guests.

 

 

 

.

 

Heather, please say you picked up the gift along your son.

Edited September 3, 2012 by MollyAnn

[beachrose]

I didn't read all the responses so my thoughts might be repeat. We went to a tiny church where were more often then not we were left out. For years I kept thinking well we just haven't connected yet is all and put us out there over and over again. I had never really been rejected before so I didn't see it straight away and then I wasn't sure how to handle it. I kept thinking once people get to know us but no one ever really gave us a chance. It was a very small group that hung together and it was hard to break into. They would do things like homeschool classes together,b parties,walks,beach etc... that my children were almost never invited to despite the fact it is TINY church. These women would deny it but quite a few people I've talked to since said they felt the same way there. I know one thing I would NEVER put my kids or myself through that again.

How I helped my kids cope was this.

I would ask them "Would you do this?" No all of my kids are a lot more kind then even the adults in this situation. So it's their issue, their loss. They lost out a cool awesome loving friend too bad for them. Let's move on and find friends that appreciate you. And we have, thankfully we are switching churches to one that my kids already have had friends in for a long time. No the church isn't exactly our cup of tea but at least it's filled with people who are our cup of tea.

I would leave the gift card up to your daughter. Sometimes being kind to people who are unkind is healing to me... it helps me forgive and let go. On the other hand,it also can be healing to just move on.

[TXMomof4]

I just read all the way through this and my heart is breaking for you. I completely know people who behave like this and have just had to learn to let it go. There are really crappy people in the world. They're going to grow into old, mean people who won't have anyone visiting them in the nursing home because they burned all the bridges with people who might really care.

 

As far as your dd - really make an effort to meet some new families. If my kids hit it off with someone at the park, the library - whatever - I jump on it. We invite them over immediately. Usually you can tell pretty quickly if it will be a relationship that will grow or if it's just not comfortable enough. One of my very best friends I met at a hs day, we immediately exchanged numbers and our kids are just about inseperable now. Of course, they'll be leaving in Nov., but I can completely see us hooking up the next time we're in the same vicinity.

I have to be very proactive. My kids are super sociable and I'm not, so if I don't do it immediately it won't get done and my kids will be miserable forever (at least that's what they tell me).

:grouphug: to you and your dd.

[Dmmetler]

One reason why we moved churches is that my DD would go to Sunday School and hear all the kids talking about so-and-so's birthday party, and she was the only kid there who hadn't been invited. I can see how it happened, simply because she was the only kid not attending the church's school and it's really common to just send invites to the entire class, but it really hurt her. So we switched churches.

 

I will say one nice thing about our homeschool group. The problem is birthday party invite lists getting too big, not too small, and unlike school classes, almost everyone comes, and if they don't, it's because of a true conflict :).

[mytwomonkeys]

OP, i'm so sorry:grouphug: that is so shallow and hurtful. i feel embarrassed for those women. hold your head up high & don't you think twice about their ugliness. clothes are so irrelevant....not to mention, lands end is nice!!!!! i certainly can't afford it! i'm a target & kohl's clearance gal, lol.

[DawnM]

OH MY WORD! SERIOUSLY?

 

I can't imagine being friends or even acquaintances with such people. That is the most shallow thing I have ever heard and to think these are ADULTS! I can't imagine what the children will turn out to be like! :glare::glare::glare:

 

I am so sorry this happened to you.

 

I don't have a little girl but you are welcome to come hang out with me, in sweats even!

 

Turns out it is my fault. I got a call from one of the moms that attended the tea and didn't stay overnight at the hotel. She said the mom told all the moms that she wanted my daughter to come but she was afraid I would want to come with the other moms to the tea. She said I don't dress nice enough and since I am overweight, the pictures wouldn't look good.

 

I am not a slob or anything, I am just more of a Land's End girl and she and her circle of friends are much more trendy.

 

The mom felt really bad about it and wanted me to know that she didn't take part.

 

I think I will just tell DD that the mom doesn't like me. I don't think I want to go into the weight thing with DD.

[bzymom]

:svengo:

 

These are grown-up, adult humans? Seems hard to believe.

 

I am a bit confrontational, so I would be making a call to mean mommy asking her to clarify the commentary about me, but I realize that is not for everyone.

 

Give the gift card to your daughter to order whatever her heart desires. Given the tree that this apple grew upon, d/d may soon be glad she is not in that circle.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[SitLongTalkMuch]

:eek: :eek: :eek:

 

THAT IS HORRIBLE!

 

Thank goodness you found out about this. It would only have been a matter of time before the mom would have made snotty comments about you in front of your dd, or even worse, gotten catty with your dd about the way she looks (or "let's hope you don't take after your mom -- it would be terrible to see a pretty little girl like you gain weight," said with a big smile. :glare:)

 

And FWIW, Lori, I really like your avatar photo, and I think you are exceptionally pretty.

 

 

 

 

I absolutely disagree with that sentiment.

 

First of all, this wasn't a $10.00 gift -- this was a gift card for a substantial amount of money. Would you give a handful of cash to someone who behaved that way toward you? I really doubt it.

 

Secondly, unless you live in a world where women are that catty and superficial, you have no idea about the mindset. If Lori gives the gift card to the kid, the other mom will view herself as being the Important Alpha Queen Bee Mom to whom all others must bow down, no matter how poorly she treats them. She will feel that she has won. She will feel that poor, pathetic, inferior Lori is so desperate for her friendship, that she's willing to suck up to her even after she knew that she had been snubbed and publicly ridiculed, and her dd had been intentionally excluded from the party.

 

She will be happy all day long. And she will tell all of the other moms in her little coven all about it, and they'll have a great laugh over it.

 

And Lori will look like a woman who is so desperate for her daughter to be friends with this other kid, that she's willing to crawl in the dirt and beg for it.

 

Believe me. I grew up knowing lots of women just like the Evil Mom in Question, and they are too shallow and full of themselves to ever grasp the idea that the gift card would be anything but an attempt to suck up and be part of her catty little group.

 

I would never, ever give a gift to that child, and I wouldn't have anything to do with the mom or the girl ever again.

 

I grew up with a mom just like Cat describes. I moved thousands of miles away just to get away from her and others like her. So yes there are woman out there who would absolutely not invite you to a kids b-day party based on looks alone.

 

The damage these women leave in their wake is undenialable.

[Dory]

This thread is mind blowing.

 

To the OP.....wow....I feel horrible for you and your dd. These are people you need to avoid at all cost.

 

The worst 'birthday party' story I ever heard is my mom's. She invited 10 or so girls from her 5th grade class to her party...and no one came. Not one. This was 1955....in TX..Still makes me cringe all these years later when she tells the story.

 

After the 4th year in a row of this happening to me as a kid I stopped having parties. It happened to my son twice and of my daughter's parties, she had 1 with no shows, and 1 where 2 girls showed and one fo them spent the whole time complaining and insulting everything. We did not do parties after that for years. My daughter had 1 last year and almost everyone came, but my other kids don't have them because no one ever comes to them. We just do something as a family instead.

 

 

That's happened twice with my oldest ds. We don't do parties here anymore. It's just too hard to see my dd have lots of friends and my ds bordering on shunned simply because he talks different.