To report or not to report? (long)

[Hope in God]

We had a tennant with a 4 mo. old baby girl move into our suite in May. We had to evict her this month due to non payment of rent. She paid the rent for the first 2 months but never paid the utilities. The last month and a half she didn't pay rent or utilites. She is on government assistance so the government pays her rent and utilities to her and she is supposed to pay her landlords but I think she bought an iphone and a plasma tv instead. It sucks not to recieve the rent money but that is a side issue. The thing that I am concerned about is the baby.

 

I really believe the mom loves her baby and the baby rarely cries and when she does the mom does pick her up and the baby settles quickly. So that is a load off my mind. What has me concerned is the friends that the mom has. She just turned 18 and all her friends are young stupid guys. In the 3 months and 12 days that she lived in our suite the police have been here 3 times. Her friends get drunk and smoke pot and cigarettes around the baby swear and fight. They are out at all hours of the night with the baby in her stroller. There are MANY different guys that stay overnight and she is, well, knowing them all.

 

Up till a couple days ago I was still thinking that this was not enough to report her to child and family services- until she moved out. When we got into the suite I don't think I can begin to describe what we found. The smell was atrocious! We discovered rotting food everywhere. She never did dishes she just threw the dirty ones into a cupboard and got more dishes. the sink was 2 inches deep in rotting food there was filthy clothes all over the place. A perrier bottle full of urine on the night table. Smashed and broken mirrors and garbage everywhere. A box for the new plasma tv in the corner. She left her boxspring, a television, tones of clothes and junk all over the place- you couldn't see the floor. We also found a police document charging her with assault in June (she was released on a promise to appear in court) There were boxes of used pregnancy tests all over the place (we counted 3 large case lot type boxes). Cigarettes were put out onto the walls- and the smell!! I couldn't even step inside. You could smell the smell of the suite all the way across the yard. So in just over 3 months our meticulously renovated suite went from stunning to a complete biohazard. The tennents mom came by with a pick-up truck to take some of her daughters things away and even though she filled the truck it hardly made a dent. Her mom confided to my husband that she was trying to get the baby taken away from her daughter but that she had to go through legal channels or her daughter would be at her door all the time.

 

The other thing is that she is the best liar that I have ever encountered. She has repeatedly lied to us making full eye contact and she filed a false police report about her rent being stolen (we overheard her frinds talking about how she "blew" her rent). She lies compulsively even when there is no benefit to lying.

 

So, do you think it would be in the best interest of her baby to be removed from this situation? She has now moved in with friends though we found out that she told her social worker that she decided to move into a new place and still was paying rent (which undoubtedly she is not. She did not tell her that she wa evicted.

 

Would you report her?

[Lara in Colo]

Yes, A child should not be raised in such unhygienic conditions, that cannot be healthy.

 

Lara

[Jpoy85]

well CPS wont tell do diddle about her friends, sorry.

 

Are you sure it was HER who left it like this and not all her yahoo friends?

 

ETA: Im not one for calling CPS. Have you made up your mind to call and are asking for confirmation or do you really want advice on what to do?

Edited August 16, 2012 by Jpoy85

[Ruby Rose]

Yes! If nothing else it would build a case for her mother. I'd send her mom pic too.

[Hope in God]

well CPS wont tell do diddle about her friends, sorry.

 

Are you sure it was HER who left it like this and not all her yahoo friends?

 

ETA: Im not one for calling CPS. Have you made up your mind to call and are asking for confirmation or do you really want advice on what to do?

 

Yes, it was absolutely her. I hear her friends swearing at her about what a slob she is and how she is letting herself go. All the dirty clothes strewn all over the suite are hers (I doubt those guys wear such large bras) even though there is an in suite high efficiency washer and dryer for her exclusive use. And certainly a normal human being would clean some dishes over the span of 3 months instead of just throwing them dirty into all the empty cupboards.

 

About calling, I have not made up my mind at this point. I think that having a child taken away would be the worst thing in the world and I don't want to bring this on ANYONE unless the child would be much better off. It is tough because she does pick up the baby when the baby cries and that is the most important thing but I have noticed that she is getting worse and worse.

[Laurie4b]

Yeah, I probably would call CPS, and I do not have a hair-trigger on that. That's an incredible level of filth you're describing. I would take photos so that it is documented--or call CPS before you clean up.

 

And I'm really sorry about your rental.

[fhjmom]

I think I would let the mother come and document everything and take pictures. Then let her report it as part of her case. Let her know you would be willing to make a statement about the conditions of the suite. That's really all you can attest to as a first hand witness.

 

I don't know how the government assistance thing works, but can you report to that office that she was evicted for non-payment of rent? It seems like there should be some repercussions if she is given assistance for housing and instead she chooses to "blow" it on other things.

[Jean in Newcastle]

You would not be causing the child to be taken away. You would be giving the information to people who could do something. CPS does not just take kids away from parents. They can also get parents into parenting classes, help for substance abuse problems and other helps that will allow her to not only keep her child but to take care of her child properly. You have evidence of welfare fraud (not paying her utilities with money specifically given for that purpose). You have evidence of neglect. I have had rentals that were much like you described. That is neglect and can have profound impact on children.

 

P.S. Even if you do not take pictures for CPS, you will need to take them for your homeowner's insurance. That level of filth requires serious demolition and remodeling.

[Lynnae]

Yeah, I probably would call CPS, and I do not have a hair-trigger on that. That's an incredible level of filth you're describing. I would take photos so that it is documented--or call CPS before you clean up.

 

And I'm really sorry about your rental.

 

:iagree:

 

What you describe is no condition for a baby to be raised in. When I was in foster parent training, they told us that it's our job to report abuse or neglect. It's CPS's job to decide what to do with the info. I think this is reportable. CPS can decide whether it warrants taking the baby or whether they need to provide other services to the mom. But if the young lady's mom is already working on having the baby taken away, things are probably pretty serious, and this might help CPS build their case.

[Hope in God]

Oh, and I frogot to mention that we suspect her or her friends of dealing drugs from the suite judging by all the strangers that have come by late at night and have only stayed for 2-3 minutes. When they come by many of them introduce themselves as if they have never met before, stay a couple of minutes by the door and then leave.:001_huh:

 

Of course I can't be sure and I have no concrete evidence to back up this claim. It is just a suspicion.

[cindergretta]

You would not be causing the child to be taken away. You would be giving the information to people who could do something. CPS does not just take kids away from parents. They can also get parents into parenting classes, help for substance abuse problems and other helps that will allow her to not only keep her child but to take care of her child properly. You have evidence of welfare fraud (not paying her utilities with money specifically given for that purpose). You have evidence of neglect. I have had rentals that were much like you described. That is neglect and can have profound impact on children.

 

P.S. Even if you do not take pictures for CPS, you will need to take them for your homeowner's insurance. That level of filth requires serious demolition and remodeling.

 

:iagree:

[Hope in God]

Thank-you for the replies. I just hate to be the tattle-tale but I absolutely know that the mom needs help of some sort. Maybe this will put her on the right path?

[Catwoman]

Oh, and I frogot to mention that we suspect her or her friends of dealing drugs from the suite judging by all the strangers that have come by late at night and have only stayed for 2-3 minutes. When they come by many of them introduce themselves as if they have never met before, stay a couple of minutes by the door and then leave.:001_huh:

 

Of course I can't be sure and I have no concrete evidence to back up this claim. It is just a suspicion.

 

I know the child's best interests need to be a priority here, but if there's a chance that this woman is dealing drugs, she might have some pretty violent friends. Are you sure she won't seek revenge if she finds out you reported her to CPS? (It wouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who knew that she lived in squalor and was evicted from her apartment.)

 

I'm not saying you shouldn't report her, but I am suggesting that you make sure you don't endanger yourself or your own family by getting involved in this kind of case with a potential drug dealer.

[SKL]

I'm not sure, but if the granny is trying to get custody legally, it might be best to just leave it be for now.

 

It is scary. I happened upon some YouTube videos about child abuse deaths, and it is very often done by someone who is shacking up with the mom or dad of the child. So hearing about all those men flopping in, on top of everything else, . . . but it doesn't sound like you have evidence of the child being hurt or neglected, so I don't know. If the child is loved by family then she probably isn't better off with strangers.

[Unicorn.]

Normally, I'm one to say no. In this case, I think I would. I also agree w/ a PP about letting the mother take pictures, and you should too. I also think it needs to be reported that she was evicted for not paying rent.

[Hope in God]

My husband also said that he found all sorts of pills (pharmacudical looking) loose all over the refridgerator and kitchen floor area and the baby is 71/2 months old and does crawl.

 

Also he found that all the knives (just regular bread and butter knives) were burned at the end. I have no idea why. Strange. Maybe it is a drug thing. Her mom said that she was into heavy drugs when she was younger.

 

We have taken pictures of the suite and a video as well. Maybe we will email the tennants mom and ask if we can help her in any way with regard to child and family services. The tennants mom also mentioned to her social worker that she was evicted for not paying rent but we will also send a letter stating the facts.

Edited August 16, 2012 by Hope in God

[redheadmom]

 

Also he found that all the knives (just regular bread and butter knives) were burned at the end. I have no idea why. Strange. Maybe it is a drug thing. Her mom said that she was into heavy drugs when she was younger.

 

This is a sign of marijuana use. No idea about the pills.

[Jpoy85]

if CPS took the child, usually they do family placement first so they child could end up with the grandma anyway and then the county would decide if the mother should lose all parental rights, but they will give her a chance to help herself first.

 

Just so you know. :)

and I would report to the HUD/Sec 8.

[TammyinTN]

if CPS took the child, usually they do family placement first so they child could end up with the grandma anyway and then the county would decide if the mother should lose all parental rights, but they will give her a chance to help herself first.

 

Just so you know. :)

and I would report to the HUD/Sec 8.

 

:iagree: poor little one needs someone to look after it and the mom doesn't sound like she's ready to do that.

[newlifemom]

Honestly, the whole thing smacks of rampant drug abuse to me. It breaks my heart.

[Tap]

:iagree:

 

What you describe is no condition for a baby to be raised in. When I was in foster parent training, they told us that it's our job to report abuse or neglect. It's CPS's job to decide what to do with the info. I think this is reportable. CPS can decide whether it warrants taking the baby or whether they need to provide other services to the mom. But if the young lady's mom is already working on having the baby taken away, things are probably pretty serious, and this might help CPS build their case.

 

:iagree:

[Ibbygirl]

This is a sign of marijuana use. No idea about the pills.

 

Really? I've never heard that one before. What do they do with the knives?? :confused:

[TranquilMind]

We had a tennant with a 4 mo. old baby girl move into our suite in May. We had to evict her this month due to non payment of rent. She paid the rent for the first 2 months but never paid the utilities. The last month and a half she didn't pay rent or utilites. She is on government assistance so the government pays her rent and utilities to her and she is supposed to pay her landlords but I think she bought an iphone and a plasma tv instead. It sucks not to recieve the rent money but that is a side issue. The thing that I am concerned about is the baby.

 

I really believe the mom loves her baby and the baby rarely cries and when she does the mom does pick her up and the baby settles quickly. So that is a load off my mind. What has me concerned is the friends that the mom has. She just turned 18 and all her friends are young stupid guys. In the 3 months and 12 days that she lived in our suite the police have been here 3 times. Her friends get drunk and smoke pot and cigarettes around the baby swear and fight. They are out at all hours of the night with the baby in her stroller. There are MANY different guys that stay overnight and she is, well, knowing them all.

 

Up till a couple days ago I was still thinking that this was not enough to report her to child and family services- until she moved out. When we got into the suite I don't think I can begin to describe what we found. The smell was atrocious! We discovered rotting food everywhere. She never did dishes she just threw the dirty ones into a cupboard and got more dishes. the sink was 2 inches deep in rotting food there was filthy clothes all over the place. A perrier bottle full of urine on the night table. Smashed and broken mirrors and garbage everywhere. A box for the new plasma tv in the corner. She left her boxspring, a television, tones of clothes and junk all over the place- you couldn't see the floor. We also found a police document charging her with assault in June (she was released on a promise to appear in court) There were boxes of used pregnancy tests all over the place (we counted 3 large case lot type boxes). Cigarettes were put out onto the walls- and the smell!! I couldn't even step inside. You could smell the smell of the suite all the way across the yard. So in just over 3 months our meticulously renovated suite went from stunning to a complete biohazard. The tennents mom came by with a pick-up truck to take some of her daughters things away and even though she filled the truck it hardly made a dent. Her mom confided to my husband that she was trying to get the baby taken away from her daughter but that she had to go through legal channels or her daughter would be at her door all the time.

 

The other thing is that she is the best liar that I have ever encountered. She has repeatedly lied to us making full eye contact and she filed a false police report about her rent being stolen (we overheard her frinds talking about how she "blew" her rent). She lies compulsively even when there is no benefit to lying.

 

So, do you think it would be in the best interest of her baby to be removed from this situation? She has now moved in with friends though we found out that she told her social worker that she decided to move into a new place and still was paying rent (which undoubtedly she is not. She did not tell her that she wa evicted.

 

Would you report her?

 

Did you screen her before letting her move in? Credit? Criminal history? Previous landlord references? Wow. What a nightmare. You need to file suit against her for vandalism. I hope you got photos before you did anything (and took photos prior to her taking possession).

 

Yes, I probably would report this because the baby has an unstable environment.

[Sparkle]

That sounds horrible. I'm sorry she trashed your place. Ugh. I'd call CPS. The poor baby needs someone responsible looking after it, and from what you describe of the filth and the loose pills/knives lying around - that's not just unsanitary but dangerous and hazardous.

[Kathryn]

I think I would let the mother come and document everything and take pictures. Then let her report it as part of her case. Let her know you would be willing to make a statement about the conditions of the suite. That's really all you can attest to as a first hand witness.

 

I don't know how the government assistance thing works, but can you report to that office that she was evicted for non-payment of rent? It seems like there should be some repercussions if she is given assistance for housing and instead she chooses to "blow" it on other things.

 

if CPS took the child, usually they do family placement first so they child could end up with the grandma anyway and then the county would decide if the mother should lose all parental rights, but they will give her a chance to help herself first.

 

Just so you know. :)

and I would report to the HUD/Sec 8.

 

:iagree:What an awful situation.

[Kathryn]

Really? I've never heard that one before. What do they do with the knives?? :confused:

 

Looked this up: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spots_%28cannabis%29

[Ibbygirl]

Looked this up: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spots_%28cannabis%29

 

:001_huh: It all seems so complicated. Don't people just use rolling papers or small pipes anymore? :confused:

[Kathryn]

:001_huh: It all seems so complicated. Don't people just use rolling papers or small pipes anymore? :confused:

 

Idk, I've never heard of this either. It said it was mostly done in New Zealand and northern Canada.

[Ibbygirl]

Idk, I've never heard of this either. It said it was mostly done in New Zealand and northern Canada.

 

These kids today..... :p hehe

[melissad2]

Yes, I agree with PP's recommendations to take pics and send them to grandma it will help her build her case.

[Unscripted]

I would take pictures of the actual evidence... i.e: the filth, and give it to CPS out of concern for the well being of the baby. The guys being in and out and all- I would leave all that (and the drug speculation) out. Just give them actual evidence, and let them go from there. While we all may have our opinions about hanging with a rough crowd or being promiscuous... It's not illegal to be stupid ;) And they may not take the actual evidence seriously (IOW, dismiss you and your complaint as revenge for the vandalism and non-payment).

 

I would just take the photos (even better if you have "before" photos to show the drastic nature of her "care"), a brief letter- and hand it over in a matter of fact way.

 

Good luck... No matter which way you go- I do think something needs to be turned over to the authorities- the conditions you describe are neglectful in my book.

[Mama Geek]

I would probably tell the grand mother that I would be willing to testify in a custody hearing rather than calling CPS.

[Night Elf]

I don't know, but ewwww...

 

:iagree:

 

OP: what will you do to begin cleaning up the unit. I cannot even fathom where to begin. If you report this to someone, will you have to leave the unit as is until an investigation happens? What a nightmare for you!

[KidsHappen]

This is a sign of marijuana use.

 

Could you please elaborate? I am very familiar with almost every method of marajauna use up until about the last tens years and I have never heard such a thing. Not trying to be snarky, just curious really.

Edited August 16, 2012 by KidsHappen

[KidsHappen]

Looked this up: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spots_%28cannabis%29

 

Well, that certainly not the safest way to go about smoking pot. As a matter of a fact I can't think of a more dangerous way.

[Mrs Mungo]

Yes, A child should not be raised in such unhygienic conditions, that cannot be healthy.

 

Lara

 

I agree. What you have to understand is that they will be keeping an eye on her, making physical checks to her home until she seems to understand what a clean, functional house looks like. It isn't about punishment.

[ktgrok]

I would because of the danger level to the child. That level of broken glass, rotting food, etc is dangerous to a child that is crawling,w hich this one will be in the next months.

[ktgrok]

My husband also said that he found all sorts of pills (pharmacudical looking) loose all over the refridgerator and kitchen floor area and the baby is 71/2 months old and does crawl.

 

Also he found that all the knives (just regular bread and butter knives) were burned at the end. I have no idea why. Strange. Maybe it is a drug thing. Her mom said that she was into heavy drugs when she was younger.

 

We have taken pictures of the suite and a video as well. Maybe we will email the tennants mom and ask if we can help her in any way with regard to child and family services. The tennants mom also mentioned to her social worker that she was evicted for not paying rent but we will also send a letter stating the facts.

 

CALL!!!!! How will you feel if you read in the paper that her baby died from swallowing those pills in her next house? CALL!!!! That is DANGEROUS, not messy.

[mom2scouts]

Yes, I would call and TAKE LOTS OF PICTURES!

 

I have read too many local news reports of babies being severely injured or killed by mom's drunk and high male friends.

 

WARNING: DISTURBING STORY

 

Last week, a local guy was arrested because a woman had a bunch of guys visiting and they were drinking and doing drugs. One of mom's boyfriends raped her 16 month old baby girl. The baby had such severe internal injuries that the local hospital had her transferred to Children's Hospital for treatment. In the situation you describe, I believe the baby is in danger from both the unhygienic living environment and the mother's choice of "friends".

[Stacy in NJ]

About calling, I have not made up my mind at this point. I think that having a child taken away would be the worst thing in the world and I don't want to bring this on ANYONE unless the child would be much better off. It is tough because she does pick up the baby when the baby cries and that is the most important thing but I have noticed that she is getting worse and worse.

 

It sounds like she has already been involved with social workers and child protective services to some extent. You'll just be letting them know of concerns they need to monitor and that might be enough to frighten her into re-thinking the way she's living.

 

Make the call. The baby needs an advocate and the mom needs a kick in the pants.

[redheadmom]

:001_huh: It all seems so complicated. Don't people just use rolling papers or small pipes anymore? :confused:

 

Yea I guess they do....I saw the knives on a parent list of what to watch for in your children. That is how I knew about the knives. I apparently didn't know all the different ways to use marijuana until I saw that list....shocking!

[PrairieSong]

This mom and baby are in serious need of help. The baby can't speak for herself, and it sounds like the young mom is a downward spiral of drugs, alcohol, and promiscuity. That situation is unhealthy in so many ways for both of them.

 

I would call and give the authorities the facts.

[Harriet Vane]

You would not be causing the child to be taken away. You would be giving the information to people who could do something. CPS does not just take kids away from parents. They can also get parents into parenting classes, help for substance abuse problems and other helps that will allow her to not only keep her child but to take care of her child properly. You have evidence of welfare fraud (not paying her utilities with money specifically given for that purpose). You have evidence of neglect. I have had rentals that were much like you described. That is neglect and can have profound impact on children.

 

P.S. Even if you do not take pictures for CPS, you will need to take them for your homeowner's insurance. That level of filth requires serious demolition and remodeling.

 

:iagree:

[MiniBlondes]

Also he found that all the knives (just regular bread and butter knives) were burned at the end. I have no idea why. Strange. Maybe it is a drug thing.

 

My father was addicted to drugs almost my whole life. Yes, this is DEFINITELY a drug thing. Have you found any burned spoons or aluminum foil? Bottles/cups with powdery residue or covered with foil? All signs of drug use.

 

Please call.

[garddwr]

I would call, and I'm not quick to say that (I've never called on anyone). I'm glad to know there is a grandma in the wings ready to love that baby.

[brehon]

My husband also said that he found all sorts of pills (pharmacudical looking) loose all over the refridgerator and kitchen floor area and the baby is 71/2 months old and does crawl.

 

Also he found that all the knives (just regular bread and butter knives) were burned at the end. I have no idea why. Strange. Maybe it is a drug thing.

 

My father was addicted to drugs almost my whole life. Yes, this is DEFINITELY a drug thing. Have you found any burned spoons or aluminum foil? Bottles/cups with powdery residue or covered with foil? All signs of drug use.

 

Please call.

 

:iagree: Or meth which is rampart in my neck of the woods.

[Remudamom]

Mind your own business and let the mom worry about it.

[garddwr]

Yes, I would call and TAKE LOTS OF PICTURES!

 

I have read too many local news reports of babies being severely injured or killed by mom's drunk and high male friends.

 

WARNING: DISTURBING STORY

 

Last week, a local guy was arrested because a woman had a bunch of guys visiting and they were drinking and doing drugs. One of mom's boyfriends raped her 16 month old baby girl. The baby had such severe internal injuries that the local hospital had her transferred to Children's Hospital for treatment. In the situation you describe, I believe the baby is in danger from both the unhygienic living environment and the mother's choice of "friends".

 

This is the kind of thing I am afraid will happen, and why I would call even though I am very slow to come to that conclusion. Mom's current lifestyle does not make it possible for her to properly care for and safeguard her child, no matter how much she loves them. Mom needs to get help for herself before she can raise a baby. Hopefully the social services system will work with her to get her help, and hopefully she will take advantage of it. If not, the best thing for the baby will be to be raised by someone else who can love and provide for them--someone who is not drunk or high or drugs or inviting people into the home who pose a serious risk to the child's wellbeing.

[Georgiana Daniels]

Absolutely heartbreaking. I agree with the PP's that it's necessary to call, but also do whatever you need to safeguard your family from possible retaliation by the druggies. It's a scary world.

[Mergath]

Well, that certainly not the safest way to go about smoking pot. As a matter of a fact I can't think of a more dangerous way.

 

:iagree: Obviously whoever came up with that one had too much free time. Or too many butter knives. When I was a teen, we just used empty pop cans. :tongue_smilie: