Did you disappoint you parents at some point?

[Plucky]

I did. My parents were permissive hippies. Do what I want and feel like but wait not that! LOL

 

My dh was a preacher's kid. Oh, yes, he disappointed them. He was and is the black sheep.

 

Okay, my mom still wishes I went the career woman route but she admires my parenting skills - shocking.

 

Dh's parent are concerned about our salvation since we changed denominations. Oh, the horror.

 

But we are doing alright and have great kids. Oldest is going away to college soon. I think he's perfect but he's not and I don't want to share the ways he's disappointed us. My dh has actually cried and so has ds. But guess what? Kids are going to make mistakes. That is a given. I don't expect perfection. We love our kids unconditionally. And so some will make bigger mistakes than others. Homeschooling is not a magic formula.

[PeacefulChaos]

I think my grandparents were a little disappointed that I a1. got married at 18 ; a2. to my boyfriend of (from first date to wedding day) 9 months. No, I didn't know him at all before that. :D I don't know if disappointed is the right word - worried, maybe? Idk...

I think they were a bit disappointed that I didn't finish college, but the fact is that I went based on what others thought I should do. I'm glad I went (met DH there) but I'm also glad I didn't waste my time and money any further. :)

Lastly, I think they were a little disappointed when we moved 17 hours away.

 

All these things were 10-11 years ago. (11th anniversary is in a couple of weeks)

Now, they aren't disappointed in me at all. I know they're proud of me, they love DH, and they adore our kids. :)

[Jean in Newcastle]

I don't know. They've never expressed their disappointment. They've never expressed their approval either. We interact ;) but not in a report card sort of way.

[Ghee]

I have. I disappointed my mom when I didn't go to college, most of my family when I didn't go into education. I disappointed her when I got married young, had more than one kid....LOL I'm pretty sure I've disappointed her more than I've made her proud. We are extremely different people, but I love her and she loves me (we just feel like choking each other fairly often.)

 

I disappointed my dad because I chose not to live with or go to visit him after he and my mom divorced. He was emotionally abusive, which I can trace back to his own childhood abuse and insecurities from that, but when I was little I couldn't process that and I just knew I didn't enjoy being with him.

 

I've been disappointed in my own kids. Nothing HUGE, just little things when I realized they weren't going to be mini-me's ;) I got over it :) and have found things to be proud of them.

[Ghee]

I don't know. They've never expressed their disappointment. They've never expressed their approval either. We interact ;) but not in a report card sort of way.

 

 

That must be nice :)

 

I always know when I have disappointed my mother. Not because she so much SAYS it, but she "loses her lips" (presses them together until it's a white line) and starts doing the huge, dramatic sighs. Sometimes, when I've been super disappointing, there are eye rolls. It used to bother me a lot. Now, I sort of find it comical. I don't disappoint her on purpose, but I can laugh it off when I have.

[justLisa]

My mother is the type that has an idea of what everyone should be doing at any given time. Problem is she does not know what that something is. :lol:

[Audrey]

My dad wanted me to be a lawyer. I even took the LSAT just to appease him. I got a nearly perfect score. I had already been accepted to my doctoral program in Fine Arts History, though, and I went and did that. Up until he died, he never stopped telling people how I got nearly perfect LSATs, but never became a lawyer. He never specifically said he was disappointed, but it wasn't too hard to decipher.

 

My mom, on the other hand, never said any more than that she wanted me to be happy with myself and my life. I am now, so I think she'd be proud if she were still here.

[kalanamak]

I'm sure I did, but they never let on.

[Jean in Newcastle]

That must be nice :)

 

I always know when I have disappointed my mother. Not because she so much SAYS it, but she "loses her lips" (presses them together until it's a white line) and starts doing the huge, dramatic sighs. Sometimes, when I've been super disappointing, there are eye rolls. It used to bother me a lot. Now, I sort of find it comical. I don't disappoint her on purpose, but I can laugh it off when I have.

 

Actually when I thought about it a little bit further, it isn't quite as nice as it seems. I know exactly what my parents are disappointed about in each of my siblings and each of their children. So I'm sure that my siblings know exactly what my parents are disappointed about in me and my children. It's just that my parents will not express that directly to us. And my siblings and I don't tell each other what my parents have said about them. I also know exactly what my parents are proud about in my siblings and their children but that is never expressed directly to us about ourselves either. So there are report cards. They just never go to the person that is being graded.

[2_girls_mommy]

Sure I did, and they dissappointed me too.

[TranquilMind]

True Blue: I did. My parents were permissive hippies. Do what I want and feel like but wait not that! LOL

 

Let me guess. You turned out the conservative opposite of hippie? I've seen that dynamic over and over again.

 

My dh was a preacher's kid. Oh, yes, he disappointed them. He was and is the black sheep.

 

Okay, my mom still wishes I went the career woman route but she admires my parenting skills - shocking.

 

Dh's parent are concerned about our salvation since we changed denominations. Oh, the horror.

 

But we are doing alright and have great kids. Oldest is going away to college soon. I think he's perfect but he's not and I don't want to share the ways he's disappointed us. My dh has actually cried and so has ds. But guess what? Kids are going to make mistakes. That is a given. I don't expect perfection. We love our kids unconditionally. And so some will make bigger mistakes than others. Homeschooling is not a magic formula.

 

Well stated!

 

I never disappointed my parents, except in my obnoxious behavior in my teens. My Mom always jokingly said, "All my kids are highly intelligent and none of them ever goes to jail!" Well, she got what she said. We were smart and did not go to jail. :tongue_smilie:

 

With a bar that low, we were golden!

[Ghee]

Actually when I thought about it a little bit further, it isn't quite as nice as it seems. I know exactly what my parents are disappointed about in each of my siblings and each of their children. So I'm sure that my siblings know exactly what my parents are disappointed about in me and my children. It's just that my parents will not express that directly to us. And my siblings and I don't tell each other what my parents have said about them. I also know exactly what my parents are proud about in my siblings and their children but that is never expressed directly to us about ourselves either. So there are report cards. They just never go to the person that is being graded.

 

Hmmm. Well, I agree, that's not as nice. I suppose at least you do know when you've set someone off a bit. My family is pretty blunt, we let someone know when we think they've crossed a line (or not put enough effort into getting to the finish line.) I don't mind that, in fact, it has been helpful to the kids as they become teens because boundaries are clearly drawn and rules are clearly stated (and everyone knows that breaking the rules means everyone gets mad at you.) I just tend to be the person who says "Look, you did THIS, you needed to do THAT." where my mother goes for the silent treatment which makes me bonkers because if you call her on it she denies it LOL I usually say "Yes, you're mad. I know because you swallowed your lips again." ;)

[Jean in Newcastle]

I usually say "Yes, you're mad. I know because you swallowed your lips again." ;)

 

:rofl:

[Rosie_0801]

Sure I did, and they dissappointed me too.

 

Yeah, this. Oh well. As long as we all keep polite about it, I'll chalk it down to being human.

 

Rosie

[mathwonk]

Well I just assumed that's what the beatings were about! For the younger generation, google "razor strop".

Edited August 6, 2012 by mathwonk

[Barb_]

Well I just assumed that's what the beatings were about! If this is a mystery to you, google "razor strop".

 

:grouphug:

[acablue]

Although I thought for years that I'd seriously disappointed them, my parents have assured me that that isn't the case. Of course, there were some minor disappointments over the years, but they've since recovered.

[Barb_]

I got pregnant and dropped out of college when I was 20. That had to throw a small dagger of...if not disappointment then raw panic.

[Dory]

Yep I did numerous times, and my mom was always plenty vocal about it. As a teenager, the only time I regretted it was when my mom actually cried because she didn't know what to do when she found out I was sleeping around.

Which as an adult looking back, if that had been my kid I would've been pressing charges against the creeps who were ok with sleeping with a 14 year old.

 

As an adult, she is very disappointed in me in more way than what could be listed here. We have managed over the last couple years to put some guidelines into place so that she can have a relationship with my kids though.

 

I guess really I always thought of it as having no real impact on me. She has disappointed me a lot throughout life as well. She has rarely been the mom I needed or wanted so I'm not really surprised I wasn't the daughter she wanted either.

 

My dad hasn't expressed disappointment in me since I was 10.

[Night Elf]

No, but then again my mom didn't have big dreams for me. She wanted me to graduate high school, get a clerical job, get married, and have kids. Well, the closest thing to a big dream she had was that I could be a SAHM, so she was over the moon happy when I was able to quit work and stay home. She was also extremely happy when I started homeschooling. According to her, I'm living life large! :)

 

I was worried she would be disappointed that dd14 is going to high school but she said that it was good I had so many years with her home and I probably gave her a good foundation to be successful in school.

[Carrie75]

My mother is the type that has an idea of what everyone should be doing at any given time.

 

Yep, this is my mom too. I am sure I have dissapointed her hundreds of times!

[8circles]

The only times I didn't disappoint them was when I was faking it.

 

The feeling is mutual.

[Crimson Wife]

I didn't go to medical school or any other grad school and became an Army wife two weeks after I graduated college at a month shy of 22 y.o. It bugs my dad more than my mom because she dropped out of a MBA program at 23 to get married & have me.

 

They always knew I wanted to get married and have kids, but they were expecting it to be at a "normal" age like 30something.

[mathwonk]

When I started raising my kids I had plans for their lives. Many years later a colleague amazed me by his wisdom at merely wanting to help his kids realize their own dreams instead of his.

 

I presume his kids were less likely to disappoint him than mine were. "Too soon old, too late smart." But nobody's perfect! (Just ask my kids.)\

 

Cut yourself and your parents, some slack. We are probably doing the best we can. My father was hard on me but he showed me a good example of caring for my mom. He didn't know any better how to raise kids. So I try to take the good and leave the bad. Apologies for giving advice to wiser people. You guys are very wonderful.

 

One of my ancestors, a founder of the quaker movement, wrote a beautiful sonnet, beginning: "There is a spirit which I feel, that delights to do no evil, nor to revenge any wrong".

 

http://www.strecorsoc.org/docs/naylor.html

 

 

I don'y really have this spirit, but I like it.

Edited August 6, 2012 by mathwonk

[Excelsior! Academy]

Yes. I stay at home and homeschool. Plus, I have a gaggle of children.

[mathwonk]

this is disappointing??? bless you. That takes great dedication, intelligence, courage and sacrifice. hang in there.

Edited August 6, 2012 by mathwonk

[LibraryLover]

Not that I ever noticed. If so, she isn't saying.

Edited August 6, 2012 by LibraryLover

[Pink Fairy]

I'm sure I did as a kid, but as an adult my parents are very respectful of my choices. They don't criticize me, ever--and I'm sure they could have because I am far from perfect. We are very close, and I hope that someday I'll be the kind of mom to my adult kids that my mom is to me.

[mathwonk]

Again I go out on a limb here. Parents are the world's experts at pushing their children's buttons. If they have not yet learned to back off and support the child's dreams as opposed to their own, they are really hard to deal with. After all, we are still trying to be the good child. At some point (for me it was about age 50 or 60) we need to take control of our lives, and stop letting them define our success. A few lucky people have parents who are delighted when their children are happy, as opposed to rich and famous. I think many of those parents are represented here.

[I.Dup.]

The only times I didn't disappoint them was when I was faking it.

 

The feeling is mutual.

 

Yep.

[Alphabetika]

I know I must have disappointed them in many ways through my life, especially my dad, who was essentially impossible to please, though he definitely loved me. The biggest was that I became a Christian, which he - an atheist - believed was "wasting my time, wasting my intellect, and wasting my life."

[Kathryn]

My father has "mentioned" many times his disappointment that I didn't go to Brown (family tradition) or the seminary my family has been associated with for hundreds of years. But, considering he left before I was born, I had absolutely no financial help, and had to drop out of high school due to illness, I wasn't all that concerned about his disappointment. My mother is very obviously disappointed that I married "down"--and a Southerner at that. That's what she gets for raising me in the South though.

[Carrie12345]

Consistently.

 

I started smoking as a teenager.

I had a "too serious" boyfriend through high school.

I got kicked out of college.

I had a crummy apartment in a bad neighborhood.

I got pregnant at 20.

I didn't marry my babydaddy. ;)

I have 5 kids.

I sah.

I homeschool.

 

Mom still loves me, she just doesn't "get" me or why I refuse to be "normal".

My family totally loves dh, so I won some points there! :D

[BearWallowSchool]

Sure I did, and they dissappointed me too.

 

:iagree:

[BearWallowSchool]

I got pregnant and dropped out of college when I was 20. That had to throw a small dagger of...if not disappointment then raw panic.

 

This is exactly me...except I was 18. My mom was :confused::confused::confused:.

[Lizzie in Ma]

I'm sure I did, but they never let on.

 

Mine too. For which I am profoundly grateful.

[LaxMom]

The only times I didn't disappoint them was when I was faking it.

 

The feeling is mutual.

 

This is true for my mother. All the world's a stage, and she alone writes the script.

 

My dad, however, has never wanted anything other than for me to be engaged in some sort of productive pursuit that brings me joy. The times he's been disappointed in me are the ones where I've disappointed myself.

[Dobela]

I think that everything I have ever done has disappointed my mother in some way. I didn't participate in the activities she thought I should in high school, I didn't have the right college major, I didn't get married until I was 28 and then I didn't marry the right man with the right pedigree, my house is not clean enough, my kids are not disciplined right. I could go on and on about all this, in fact it was a big topic of discussion between her and I just last week.

[Tess in the Burbs]

Yes, I know I did. Probably the biggest was when I quit college and went to the other side of the country. I needed the break....had been needing the break...but I did go back and graduate college. But I am sure that year and half was agony for them.

 

I can think of so many more but this is the biggest disappointment. I made up for it though :D

[kwickimom]

OH YEAH big time.

 

I didnt finish college and I had a baby before I was married.

 

I did however marry my babydaddy and went on to have two other kids (one whom I scheduled his induction on my moms bday ;) )

[Jen in PA]

My mom was really devastated that I decided not to go to law school. I just wasn't interested, although XH went..... then we divorced, another strike against me. Both of my parents are less than thrilled that I am a SAHM, that our kids are homeschooled, etc. DH and I are very socially liberal (which my parents are good with), but we have a very traditional marriage with him working, me at home, and they just can't wrap their minds around how I can be happy with that.

[Impish]

Frankly, I can't think of anything that HASN'T disappointed my mother.

 

I was supposed to have been a Dr or lawyer. Ended up a single mom for 10 yrs, worked as a nursing attendant (Imp changes OLD MAN BUTT! ~ direct quote), moved across country, met and married Wolf, had more kids, etc, etc, etc.

 

I'm too fat. Not $$$ successful. Have my own mind, opinions, rather than letting her run my life. I've 'wasted' my intelligence.

 

Wolf's been told flat out that MIL considers herself a failure as a mother b/c he's not a pastor in her church. He doesn't even ATTEND her church, refused to be baptised in it, but apparently the bench mark of her success was for him to be a pastor. :glare:

[Mommyfaithe]

I have disappointed my parents.

My parents have disappointed me.

My kids have disappointed me at times....and I am sure...

I have disappointed my kids.

 

We are all human and have expectations. Sometimes those expectations get trampled. Sometimes those expectations are unreasonable. Sometimes our expectations do not match up with the capabilities of the other human beings.

 

I try to love beyond all that.

[pdalley]

I'm not sure I disappointed my Dad. I don't think I did ultimately. I think he was pretty happy if I was happy. He was a very shy man and since he and Mom split up when I was young and didn't have a real relationship at all until I was an adult I really can't say. I know he loved my husband and his grandkids and was very proud of me for being a good wife and mother.

 

I could never please my mother for any length of time. We were polar opposites really. I quit feeling bad about it awhile back - before she passed on. Anyway I had my grandmother to counter balance.

 

I'm sure the kid's behavior will disappoint me - and has - but I want them to be what they want to be - not what I or anyone else thinks they should be. I'm sure I have and will disappoint them as well.

 

I heard a line in a movie that I liked quite a bit about this. 'I know you're disappointed in me.' 'No, I'm disappointed FOR you.' I sorta like that.

[ChristyB in TN]

I am constantly disappointing my mother. Things I am not: a supporter of the Tea Party, a social conservative, active in church (neither is she :001_huh:), keeper of a spotless home, listener of conservative news channels and radio. Oh, I forgot, I don't eat chicken. :tongue_smilie: Evidently, she is the owner of all opinions and perspectives and I embarrass her. It's fantastic. :tongue_smilie:

What I am: a successful business owner who with a husband of 22 years am able to send 2 children to a university without any aid, finished college on my own, homeschooled 3 incredible children, the most beautiful marriage I could ever imagine, great friends from many backgrounds and cultures, and proud social liberal/fiscal conservative Christian non churchgoer embracing Buddhism and working so hard to be a good person, friend, daughter, wife, mother and community member.

It is incredibly hurtful. I miss my dad.

[DianeW88]

I'm pretty sure the whole "becoming a Mormon" thing was a disappointment to them at the time. :lol:

 

However, they have both since told me how proud they are of me and especially of my children, so it's all good.

 

I'm sure I disappointed them many other times throughout my life, although they were gracious enough not to say so. I try to do the same for my own children. Their lives are not mine and their choices belong to them as well.

[meggie]

Uh....yeah. My parents are extremely uptight perfectionists who placed an emphasis on looks (my dad especially). My dad is also a narcissist who thinks he's God's gift to mankind so of course no one is as great as he. So I think my being fat is the world's greatest insult to him. That and I refuse to talk to him, so obviously that makes me an idiot :glare:

 

My mom has mellowed lately I think.

[Munchkins_mama]

Yep I did numerous times, and my mom was always plenty vocal about it. As a teenager, the only time I regretted it was when my mom actually cried because she didn't know what to do when she found out I was sleeping around.

Which as an adult looking back, if that had been my kid I would've been pressing charges against the creeps who were ok with sleeping with a 14 year old.

 

As an adult, she is very disappointed in me in more way than what could be listed here. We have managed over the last couple years to put some guidelines into place so that she can have a relationship with my kids though.

 

I guess really I always thought of it as having no real impact on me. She has disappointed me a lot throughout life as well. She has rarely been the mom I needed or wanted so I'm not really surprised I wasn't the daughter she wanted either.

 

My dad hasn't expressed disappointment in me since I was 10.

 

I was a little older than you, but one time I came home by curfew and my mom accused me of being out having s3x with boys. The funny (??) part was, I hadn't been. :(

 

She has told me many times that she is proud of me, but then added "But... this or this or this could be changed" Yeah... She moved 8,000 miles away and I called and told her I don't want a relationship anymore. She told me I'm ruining it for my kids to not have access to their grandma and I told her she was never a grandma. *sigh, I'm not still bitter. ha!

 

The only times I didn't disappoint them was when I was faking it.

 

The feeling is mutual.

 

Yup.

 

I think that everything I have ever done has disappointed my mother in some way. I didn't participate in the activities she thought I should in high school, I didn't have the right college major, I didn't get married until I was 28 and then I didn't marry the right man with the right pedigree, my house is not clean enough, my kids are not disciplined right. I could go on and on about all this, in fact it was a big topic of discussion between her and I just last week.

 

I never did anything good enough to please my mother. Once I became an adult, I realized that she was completely jealous of the life I had made for myself and that is where her disapproval came from. I married young, to a good man, had children young, was able to stay home and care for them. She got pregnant, then married my dad because she was 'forced' to, then divorced 18 months later. Then she went on to marry every abusive alcoholic from Texas to Washington. So, yeah, My life was golden comparatively.

 

My dad always tells me how proud he is of me and is a very active part of mine and my children's lives. The only thing I've done that 'disappoints' him is be 'boring'. haha! He is in the entertainment industry even at almost 60 probably has more 'fun' than I do. :tongue_smilie:

[lynn]

I am sure I have but my mom always had the attitude of live and let live. She gives advice only when asked or if she had something on her mind. I wish I were more like my mom.

[EducationX2]

In the little things- sure.

 

But luckily, when it came to the big things, no, my parents weren't the type to get disappointed. And boy, were there some big things. :lol: Instead, they just accepted my mistakes, and most importantly, kept on loving me just the same. When I was single and pregnant at 19, never one time did they express even an ounce of disappointment. From the first second, they were both happy and excited about the upcoming birth of their granddaughter.

 

When my Dad was dying from cancer, he told me that he was proud of the woman I had become. He was proud of everything I had accomplished in school, proud of the mother I was to my daughter, and proud of the kind of person I was. And made me promise to keep going, and do what made me happy in life. :001_wub: That was the best "inheritance" he could have ever given me.