Bess Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Waaaaaah. That is me whining. We can't have any more children and I know I need to get over it. My youngest is 6, so really, having another one even if we could, would be very difficult seeing as we are in a totally new season. I just can't get the thought of wanting more out of my head. HOW ON EARTH do other woman do this?????? :glare: I'm game for any suggestions. Please, if you've gotten over it and moved on, please tell me *what* you did if anything to get to that point. :bigear: Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarheel Heather Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 potty training, think about potty training! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Well, I certainly understand. I only have two, and next week it will be seven years since my younger one was conceived. I desperately want another baby and have for years and years -- but at the same time, I recognize that if we *did* start over with another, it really would be *starting*over* again. My kids are so easy, so independent now... sigh... I don't know what to say. I really feel like I should have two more by now. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 It is hard. I have no answer for you as we are still trying to cope with not being able to have any more children. Our desire is very strong in wanting more children. Just wanted to say that I am there with you. :grouphug: Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
genie Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 I will never get over it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarheel Heather Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Actually I wouldn't mind another but physically I couldn't go through another pregnancy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Easy, I'm past 40. Plus I have a teen and pre-teen. I'm finding my older kids need me as much as toddlers in some ways. Sure, they are very independent and really great kids but they also need me a lot still. They need time to talk when they need it and individual attention at other times. As I get older I have less energy and I was never full of it to begin with. I am extremely happy now that I stopped at 4. I feel I can meet their needs most of the time. We've even had some health/mental health crises here. I was so thankful that I didn't have little ones to worry about while attending to my current 4 kids' needs. I still love babies, littles, and kids in general. Now I'm content to wait for grandkids someday. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Atl Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 I realized that in order to keep the two I had, well feed and under a roof, then I was done. At this point, I worry that even the two maybe more than I can afford. I love babies, and miss that time in my life very much, but I have moved on to the next phase. My goal is to enjoy this time in my life as much as I did when mine were little. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat19 Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 and now I have a 3 month old, 11 year old and 13 year old. Talk about starting over. But we are loving it!! Even the kids are excited about him~they love playing with him. He's getting to the stage where he coos and wants to talk to you. It's fun. I am thinking we are totally done now, but you never know. Never say Never!! :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I went thru a definite phase of baby longing about 3 or 4 years ago. I just hated that we were done--but I was over 40, and felt it was best to stop. I had aching arms for a while--even thought I might be pregnant at one point. Later, I began feeling movement in my abdomen (it was gas! lol), and I saw it as a little Grace from the Lord--he allowed me to feel that precious feeling just one more time (I'd NEVER understood when people said kicking babies felt like gas bubbles until then!). I just think you have to bear it with grace--mourn the loss (it is a real loss!) and pray to become content with what you have. Hugs to you--it's hard to let go of that season. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paintedlady Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 My kids are both adopted, so I know well the feeling. We've been dealing with infertility for 14 years and at times it's tough. The only thing that has dulled the feeling over the years is thankfulness. Thankfulness for what I have in these 2 kids. I'm so busy being thankful that I have them, that it tends to leave little room for complaining that I don't have more. hth! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I talk to the trees Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 potty training, think about potty training! Aaa-yup!:iagree: Well, that and getting a puppy. Seriously. -Robin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenneinCA Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 You don't get over it. You do move on. I wish that I could have another child. I wish that I were able to carry another child to term. I wish that it were possible. But is just isn't. And no matter what I do it isn't going to happen. I can choose to dwell on the fact that I am not going to have another baby and be very very sad. Or I can choose to think about the things that bring joy to my life and I can be happy. For me, right now, it is literally a choice I am making every day. Sometimes every hour or even every minute. I have to choose to be happy. I have to choose to look at the positive parts of my life. Because if I don't then I will sink into an awful depression that will eat me alive. And I don't want that to happen. So I won't let it happen. So I will concentrate on the happy parts of my life. It isn't easy but it does get easier with practice. And I am getting a lot of practice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 You never know what life has in store. With my mom and stepdad adopting a baby 30 years younger than me, I figure it'll be a long, long time before I'll know for sure that that door is closed for me for good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tutor Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Honestly? We're considering fostering with an eye toward adopting. I'd love to have more munchkins wreaking havoc around my house. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catalinakel Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I had my wonderful two, then four miscarriages. Eggs too old, or something. I would love to have had six, but couldn't. We love babies, love children, but are set with our two. I'm gonna be 49 this year. Wanting, and being able to are different things. You may not get over it, but you move on with what you have and be thankful for their health, for your health. When I was miscarrying, I had a friend who was my age, with two and two miscarraiges. She did whatever you do to keep from miscarrying, and has a child with down's now. We didn't want to push our luck, and it didn't seem good to keep on miscarrying, so hubby got 'fixed' We enjoy our two, and realize that logistically our family works really well. But I would take a baby in a second given the chance. Or two. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I have not been able to get over it yet so {{{{HUGS}}}} I know the feeling. We have talked about fostering/adopting but can't yet because our house is not set up yet where we could. After our remodel, though, hopefully. I still would love to carry another child(or two). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
at the beach Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Waaaaaah. That is me whining. We can't have any more children and I know I need to get over it. My youngest is 6, so really, having another one even if we could, would be very difficult seeing as we are in a totally new season. I just can't get the thought of wanting more out of my head. HOW ON EARTH do other woman do this?????? :glare: I'm game for any suggestions. Please, if you've gotten over it and moved on, please tell me *what* you did if anything to get to that point. :bigear: Thank you. Oh, Bess. I've been where you are very recently. I'm praying that the feeling has passed for good because wanting to be pregnant and knowing it won't happen has been agonizing for me. Sigh... My baby just turned 9. How did the feeling pass? By focusing on my three children. I thought about the fact that a new little one would make it harder for me to spend as much time with the kids I have. Babies, mine anyway, are high need. I nursed them forever, had them in my bed, attachment parented... It was INTENSE. My 9 yo is high need still with all her special needs--learning challenges, OT, etc. My 11 yo has kind of been lost in the shuffle due to the time I devote to my third child, or I should say the time my youngest demands. So, I know each child is a gift and I know that if I were given a gift, I would treasure that. BUT I have somehow come to accept by grace that more isn't meant to be for me. By worrying about what isn't going to be, I sacrifice precious time I have now with these children I do have. Also, when I had one child, and I thought we couldn't have more, I yearned for just another. Then, I was blessed with a second and then a third. Still, at some point, even thereafter, I wanted more. It's like I was ignoring that that my prayers had been already answered, and I was wanting more yet. So, somehow I shifted my focus, being thankful for the blessings I have. Finally, I have also decided that should I wish to mother more children later, when my kids are older, perhaps we can foster parent. There are lots of children who need loving homes in the foster care system. Right now, I can't take on that challenge but I'm not ruling it out that someday I may. Anita Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I think some women just deal with this issue as long as they do, whatever that time period for them personally is. At least that is what I think. It's been over 13 years and I still have MAJOR "baby bugs" most of the time. I do LOVE the time I'm in with my kids. And I do look forward to the future. I just wish...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorna in the boonies Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 You don't get over it. You do move on. I wish that I could have another child. I wish that I were able to carry another child to term. I wish that it were possible. But is just isn't. And no matter what I do it isn't going to happen. I can choose to dwell on the fact that I am not going to have another baby and be very very sad. Or I can choose to think about the things that bring joy to my life and I can be happy. For me, right now, it is literally a choice I am making every day. Sometimes every hour or even every minute. I have to choose to be happy. I have to choose to look at the positive parts of my life. Because if I don't then I will sink into an awful depression that will eat me alive. And I don't want that to happen. So I won't let it happen. So I will concentrate on the happy parts of my life. It isn't easy but it does get easier with practice. And I am getting a lot of practice. I could have written this post. It's hard, but it is getting (a little) easier. My baby will be 7 a month from today. My heart screams that I'm not finished. My head knows I have to be. I have more children in heaven than I do on earth. I watched one of them die in her father's arms. Too many people are missing from around our table for me to feel a complete sense of being "finished". I would love to foster later on, but right now we don't have the physical space to put any more children, and I don't know if we would get approved because of that. Anyway -- to answer your question -- I deal with it by focusing on the kids I have, on watching them grow and change and become their own little people. I also take every opportunity I can to get "baby fixes" by stealing them from people at church. ;-) It's not a permanent fix, but it gets me through, and hopefully I can limp along that way until I become a grandmother (which I hope is still a good 8-10 years away!). ;-) Hugs to you -- I know it's hard.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kribby Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I am over 40 but I still can't get over the idea I can't have children. I just cry.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I had a TERRIBLE desire for more children. I had a tubal after my youngest was born because my first husband had left me during my pregnancy. I got remarried less than 2 years later, and by then I was already really regretting my decision. The following year I had a reversal. The insurance paid for it and everything, and I totally felt it was the Lord. I just knew I would conceive right away. One year almost to the day, I found out I was pg and within a week was rushed to the ER for emergency surgery (it was ectopic). I was devastated! For 5 years I prayed and prayed, thought I was pregnant every other month, bought pg tests anytime I was a day late. I was basically obsessed. I loved my kids but just could NOT get over it. Then, in January 2004, I got pg again. It was ectopic. 3 months later on our family vacation I was rushed to the ER in Destin - pregnant again with another ectopic. They transported me to Ft. Walton and I spent 2 days in the hospital there. DH had to bring our kids home, get a ride back to FL (we were in 2 vehicles) and then drive me home. It was horrible, and I was SO sad. In September of that same year, I decided to give it one more shot and get my tubes flushed out and checked so we could try one more time. When I had my pre-op bloodwork for the lap. procedure, I was pregnant again, and again it was ectopic. I was DONE. I told my dr. to remove my tubes. I wound up having a hysterectomy a year later. I had just had so much trauma to my female organs that my periods were horrid. I figured if I really wanted more kids I would adopt (the dr told me I was a great candidate for in vitro, but I really have personal issues with it so I knew I wouldn't go there). Over the last 2 years, I have finally realized that it was God's blessing that I did not have another child. I am 40 now, and though I LOVE babies, I know I would NOT have the patience with another small child that I had with my kids. Aside from that, teenagers REALLY need you! I have 4 of them and it's WORK!! Anyway, I know that was long and drawn out, but time really will heal the wounds, hurt and feelings of loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 My youngest will be nine in Sepember. I had a major want for another baby about two or three years ago. We even considered a VAS reversal even though I physically couldn't have handled it anyway. Finally, after about a year the feeling began to wane. In hind sight, this was for the best as the last 18 months have been really rough and I have no idea how I would have managed a baby. Now my first grandbaby is on his way and I am so glad that I can devote the time and energy to helping my dd with her little one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle T Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I have one DS. It took a long time to get pregnant with him, and I never got pregnant again. Now I'm almost 44, so it really isn't likely it will ever be happening. I sometimes feel very sad, almost grief, over having just one. I realize that plenty of families have only children, and they are just fine, but that isn't the ideal for me. It's hard for me to understand how women could feel so bad about not having more children when they already have three or four, but I guess a woman who never had any child at all would feel the same about me and my one. Those of you who have several, count your blessings! Michelle T Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rwalizer Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 and I'm scheduled to have my tubes tied Monday. At 40, there's just no way having another would be good for our family. If you find a way to move on, please let me know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I had my last child at 42 and would have liked to have had more had I been younger. I would tear up if I walked past the baby dept. in a store. However, I think as I've gotten older that the combination of changes in hormones plus the demands of the kiddos we have has changed those feelings. I still love little kids, work with them at church, and can't wait to be a grandmother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorCalMom Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 This last year has been one of the hardest in my life. After 2 difficult pregnancies and other major female problems I had to have a hysterectomy last summer. I will be 36 this fall. When I see new babies, I am genuinely happy for the family, but inside I'm crying. I have to pray daily for God's light to shine on this dark cloud around me, and remember to be thankful for the 2 little blessings He did give me. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melhouse Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Waaaaaah. That is me whining. We can't have any more children and I know I need to get over it. My youngest is 6, so really, having another one even if we could, would be very difficult seeing as we are in a totally new season. I just can't get the thought of wanting more out of my head. HOW ON EARTH do other woman do this?????? :glare: I'm game for any suggestions. Please, if you've gotten over it and moved on, please tell me *what* you did if anything to get to that point. :bigear: Thank you. I could have written this post. I think prayer for contentment will be the only thing that will help me get over it. I'm glad to hear there are others who feel this way. I'm always secretly amazed at the people who are confident they don't want anymore. Melissa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 :grouphug: More hugs. I had my last at 40 and even if not practical have always wished for more.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I already chimed in...I read all of the post. I am just getting teary eyed here. :angelsad2: I have 3 here with me and 3 in heaven. We can't have any more because I lost one to tubal preg which took my tube. Found out on my Sweet 16 wedding aniversary (yep yep on my anniversary I had HSP done) and got very bad news that my surviving tube was blocked 100%. No more babies unless I have $15,000 bucks. Whew! We will never get over it but will move on. However prayer is always said on our behalf for healing of the tube. It is ok!! :grouphug: We grieve every now and then. We look at our 3 live children and are glad they are with us. We do know that we are a family of 8. It is hard though no matter if you have 1,3, 5, 7 or 9 or ??? :grouphug: I hope you are feeling better. If you are able to have children then talk to your dh and pray about it. Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 By having triplets the last pregnancy??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 It is what it is but I wish it wasn't. Sympathizing with you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 If you had told me how fraught with pain, loss and grief childbearing can be, I wouldn't have believed it. I know so many women (other than just myself) who had a very difficult time having children. And I know a number of women who were never able to conceive at all. Sometimes I can't believe that the three I am raising are all I will raise - and one was half grown when I adopted him. But they have been so amazing - the best three children in the world, and happy and healthy too. So I just thank God for my incredible good luck. I could focus on what I don't have, or I can admit that in many ways, I hit the jackpot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetpeach Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I sing a little jingle in my head, over and over again: You can't always get what you want, no, you can't always get what you want. We have three children -- the third was my stretch goal and after that, there would be no more. DH was finished with 2 so I keep telling myself to be thankful for the princess that rounded off the gang. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T Baer Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 ask how I can fulfill this longing that I have had for more children. Foster Care/Adoption was a route that we took and that didn't work out. That's a story and frustration in itself. I then look for ways that I can help others. I hold babies alot at church! I am known for that. I've helped out in the nursery and got to know the moms and am able to encourage them. I also have a friend who's like me with not being able to have more children as well as having a friend who'd would like to even just have one child. So in a nut shell, I thank God, recognize my longing, use it to help others and avail myself to others helping me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kailuamom Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I just think you have to bear it with grace--mourn the loss (it is a real loss!) and pray to become content with what you have. Hugs to you--it's hard to let go of that season. Really well said. As with so many things, you just have to find the strength to close the chapter...realizing that there is so much more to be written. Here's to some really exciting chapters ahead. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharon in SC Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 With this one verse: "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever." Psalm 138:8 I'll never forget that special December morning a few years ago now when I was in my personal quiet time for the day and face to face with an ongoing personal struggle - the desire for more children with little to no reason to think I would ever enjoy another pregnancy. The Lord enabled me to come across this verse and I became a changed woman. In that moment I found rest and peace in the precious knowledge that God, the creator of the ends of the earth, had just spoken to me and said, "My daughter, *MY* purposes in this area of your life are being established." So, I walked away from that moment in time so thankful to know that whether I was called to parent two children or twenty, His Kingdom purposes for me would. be. met. I've not looked back since. Trusting that you find similar peace in your life as well! Blessings, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy in TN Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Waaaaaah. That is me whining. We can't have any more children and I know I need to get over it. My youngest is 6, so really, having another one even if we could, would be very difficult seeing as we are in a totally new season. I just can't get the thought of wanting more out of my head. HOW ON EARTH do other woman do this?????? :glare: I'm game for any suggestions. Please, if you've gotten over it and moved on, please tell me *what* you did if anything to get to that point. :bigear: Thank you. Exh and his third wife had her first child this week. He has 2 children with me and 2 children with wife #2. I didn't realize how hard this would hit dh and me. We had a conversation yesterday morning that dh initiated about how he would have liked to have had more kids, but had not thought it finanicially wise to have more. Since exh is not financially responsible, how could we have more knowing that the older two were approaching the expensive adolescent years. It sucks and I am am crying now that my dh who supports us all doesn't feel like he could have more children, because exh keeps having kids. I will be 40 this fall and oldest ds turned 17 and will be a jr in high school. While logically I know that it is incredibly unlikely that anything will change and that in a couple of years oldest ds will be in college and that will be another financial burden, I can't help but mourn the siblings that my youngest 5yo ds will never have- the babies the dh and I will never have- especially when I am equally certain that exh will have more and do less and less for his first born namesake. Actually, I won't be surprised if financially exh cuts him off next spring when he turns 18. Mandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2legomaniacs Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 You have gotten some good advice already. I'll just second the praying for peace and being content and grateful for what you already have. Trying hard to focus on those you have been blessed with not with those you haven't. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pensguys Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I'm game for any suggestions. Please, if you've gotten over it and moved on, please tell me *what* you did if anything to get to that point. :bigear: Thank you. Lots of prayer, following my dh's desire (to not have more) and a desire for more time with just dh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockermom Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 This is my dirty little secret. Not even DH knows. I want another one. My mom wanted me to have my tubes tied right after my son's birth and he's my first biological child! DH says that Robbie should always be the baby and he doesn't want any more. I am about to cry while I type this. I really do want another child. I want my boys to have lots of family when DH and I are no longer around. I am fully able to have another one... but it seems very unlikely since I'm the only one who wants one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanie Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Waaaaaah. That is me whining. We can't have any more children and I know I need to get over it. My youngest is 6, so really, having another one even if we could, would be very difficult seeing as we are in a totally new season. I just can't get the thought of wanting more out of my head. HOW ON EARTH do other woman do this?????? :glare: I'm game for any suggestions. Please, if you've gotten over it and moved on, please tell me *what* you did if anything to get to that point. :bigear: Thank you. I'm not over it. I'm still praying though. I'm praying for a peace about it or a desire in dh's heart to have more. Whatever it is, I just want God's will for me. I just need help dealing with it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockermom Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I'm not over it. I'm still praying though. I'm praying for a peace about it or a desire in dh's heart to have more. Whatever it is, I just want God's will for me. I just need help dealing with it! Your post inspired me. I want peace and God's will for me. My heart is still aching, but I want peace and not regrets. May you receive your peace in whatever form it takes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 This is my dirty little secret. Not even DH knows. I want another one. My mom wanted me to have my tubes tied right after my son's birth and he's my first biological child! DH says that Robbie should always be the baby and he doesn't want any more. I am about to cry while I type this. I really do want another child. I want my boys to have lots of family when DH and I are no longer around. I am fully able to have another one... but it seems very unlikely since I'm the only one who wants one. Aren't you pretty young? Hmmm...that sound snarky and I don't know how to make it unsnarky, but it sure isn't what I meant. I ask because I certainly wouldn't even have MY tubes tied now and I'm not young. At all. ;) I would never try to force a dh to have another if he doesn't want one, but some might be like my dh and slowly come around to the idea. Unfortunately, even though he is sort of on board (meaning he doesn't PREVENT it any more) I think for me it is too late. For you I doubt that is true. After I had ds I never again got on the pill. I figure that way, it was up to dh. So don't give up hope at your young age. However, if you don't get another, I wish you peace with the blessing you do have. I know how hard it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockermom Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Aren't you pretty young? Hmmm...that sound snarky and I don't know how to make it unsnarky, but it sure isn't what I meant. I ask because I certainly wouldn't even have MY tubes tied now and I'm not young. At all. ;) I would never try to force a dh to have another if he doesn't want one, but some might be like my dh and slowly come around to the idea. Unfortunately, even though he is sort of on board (meaning he doesn't PREVENT it any more) I think for me it is too late. For you I doubt that is true. After I had ds I never again got on the pill. I figure that way, it was up to dh. So don't give up hope at your young age. However, if you don't get another, I wish you peace with the blessing you do have. I know how hard it is. Probably not as young as you think, but I've still got child-bearing years left. I'll be 33 in August and I felt the same way about having my tubes tied. I couldn't believe MY mom.. mother of 6, grandmother of 10 and great-grandmother of 6 only wanted me to have 1. DH doesn't want any more, so end of story. I would never force/trick DH into another child. That would be horrible. Best of luck with whatever happens in your situation. I hope we can all find peace in our blessings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samba Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I had my wonderful two, then four miscarriages. Eggs too old, or something. I would love to have had six, but couldn't. We love babies, love children, but are set with our two. I'm gonna be 49 this year. Wanting, and being able to are different things. You may not get over it, but you move on with what you have and be thankful for their health, for your health. When I was miscarrying, I had a friend who was my age, with two and two miscarraiges. She did whatever you do to keep from miscarrying, and has a child with down's now. We didn't want to push our luck, and it didn't seem good to keep on miscarrying, so hubby got 'fixed' We enjoy our two, and realize that logistically our family works really well. But I would take a baby in a second given the chance. Or two. You just said you'd "take a baby in a second given the chance" and stated earlier that you decided not to "push your luck" after your friend did everything she could to maintain a pregnancy and "has a child with Down's now." What does that mean? I guess I pushed my luck by having a second child at age 32 who happened to be born with Down Syndrome. I'll probably regret posting this; I already regret it. I usually make it a rule for myself to stay off the general board and out of personal posts but I guess I couldn't help myself this time. Your post really hit me wrong. Everytime we choose to become parents we face risks, unknowns, heartbreaks and, thankfully, unbelievable joy as well. This is the case regardless of # of children, age of mother, whether the child is adopted or biological and so on...I'll stop now. Carolyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I'll probably regret posting this; I already regret it. I usually make it a rule for myself to stay off the general board and out of personal posts but I guess I couldn't help myself this time. Your post really hit me wrong. Everytime we choose to become parents we face risks, unknowns, heartbreaks and, thankfully, unbelievable joy as well. This is the case regardless of # of children, age of mother, whether the child is adopted or biological and so on...I'll stop now. Carolyn I have said the above words, almost word for word, to my dh. He worries about my age (43 now). I've told him our 8yo could have some terrible thing happen tomorrow---would we wish we had never had him? Of course not. I am sorry you were hurt by this thread. Btw, IMO, there are many many things worse than DS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Probably not as young as you think, but I've still got child-bearing years left. I'll be 33 in August and I felt the same way about having my tubes tied. I couldn't believe MY mom.. mother of 6, grandmother of 10 and great-grandmother of 6 only wanted me to have 1. DH doesn't want any more, so end of story. I would never force/trick DH into another child. That would be horrible. Best of luck with whatever happens in your situation. I hope we can all find peace in our blessings. Yes, I could see how confusing that would be to have your mom only want you to have one. Is she saying she regrets having 6? Probably not, but it would make one wonder. I wasn't implying you would ever trick your dh into a baby he didn't want, but please dont think it is 'end of story' when you are only 33. Minds change, and accidents happen. I even know of a failed V when the mom was 43 and the dad older than that...they didn't know until she was IN LABOR. Such an awesome story. I'm getting to the point I know I wont have another....but I'm 43. And to the other question, 'how do you get over it?' Well, I never thought I would be able to get over the grief, but the other night I had a dream where someone wanted to give me a baby and I didn't really want it in the dream. I guess that is my mind's way of helping me cope with the loss. (btw, if someone tries to give me a baby I will definitely want it). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akmommy Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Well for me I've noticed that these feelings are strongest when I have spent time with other peoples babies and I try to remind myself of all the not so fun things that go along with having babies (colic, middle of the night feedings, teething, diapers, potty training). I don't think it's a longing that will ever really go away but the key (for me) is to focus on the kids I have been blessed with and enjoying the here and now with them, and also looking forward to GRAND BABIES. You know those ones you get love and play with then hand back to Mom or Dad when it's time for the not so fun stuff.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyWImom Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Bess: I haven't gotten over it.:sad: We have 2 (youngest almost 5) and I know how lucky and blessed we were to have them. I had fertility issues. Now, I'm 40, my dh is 59, and I know in my head how insane it would be, but I feel the longing A LOT. I know it makes no sense-dh is way too old, plus it's medically impossible for him to. Wish I could help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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