Mommyfaithe Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 And siblings. I am not sure what to do with this information. I am not good with canned worms, strangers, or weird surprises.... But......I have 2 1/2 sisters and a 1/2 brother..... Stunned and feel like a deer in the headlights. I wasn't sure what to do, so I come here to humbly ask your advice..... Btw, my birth mom abandoned me when I was 3 months old....then got married, had a son, abandoned them....then remarried and had 2 dds. I am not sure if she is still married...... What do I do??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KirstenH Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Cry. That's what I would do. Your DH had better hold you when you do. (Is this something you had talked abut doing before? Or did he just do it?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Wow. :grouphug: I think you should think on it awhile. My birth father doesn't know I exist. I halfheartedly 'looked' (online) for him back when we first got married, but in the end, it wasn't important to me. I don't know if I have half siblings on that side or not - but probably. I'd wonder more about the siblings, actually. But it took me awhile to come to peace with a decision. In the end, this guy was just a sperm donor for me. But I know it's different with a mother (mine abandoned me, too, when I was 3 years old, but I always have had off and on contact with her - it's a strange relationship). Hope you come to a decision you're comfortable with. Sorry I'm not much help, though! :grouphug: again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 It's not like you have to do anything. Now. Or in a week. Or in a year. Give yourself time to process it all. Go through all your emotions. Then think about what you want to do. No rush. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted April 15, 2012 Author Share Posted April 15, 2012 Cry. That's what I would do. Your DH had better hold you when you do. (Is this something you had talked abut doing before? Or did he just do it?) He just did it. I looked a few years ago, because my Mom wanted me to find out. Everyone thinks this is good for me... Me, not so much. I am scared, a bit hesitant....I never had those "My mom is really royalty and his me out" daydreams. I knew any mom who would abandon a baby....was...well NUTS! I would never leave my baby with a baby sitter, let alone never come back! Oh my...I sound judgmental......I am judgemental:D I am also sick to my stomach......and I think I need a Xanax! :confused::confused::confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Wow, that's a tough one. I guess the question is - what do you WANT to do? I would be playing all kinds of scenarios in my head if I were you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 If it was me I wouldn't necessarily be looking for a relationship with my birth parents but would be interested in trying to meet any siblings I had. If a relationship took off after that, great, if it didn't, well, no biggie, it's not like I know them and I lived my whole life without them. But if I didn't at least try to meet them I'd expend way too much time wondering about them and if I was doing the wrong thing (by ignoring the info) etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: It must be really hard to suddenly have all that information. Is there any reason you must get in touch with her now? If not, you can wait until you want to deal with her and the situation. I hope things turn out for the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennynd Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: I don't know what to say and can't imaging if I were you. I supposed I will want to find out why, Maybe she did have a good reason to leave?? I don't know.. But good luck whatever you decide to do Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackie in NE Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 And siblings. I am not sure what to do with this information. I am not good with canned worms, strangers, or weird surprises.... But......I have 2 1/2 sisters and a 1/2 brother..... Stunned and feel like a deer in the headlights. I wasn't sure what to do, so I come here to humbly ask your advice..... Btw, my birth mom abandoned me when I was 3 months old....then got married, had a son, abandoned them....then remarried and had 2 dds. I am not sure if she is still married...... What do I do??? :grouphug::grouphug: This is a hard one. What do you want to do? Have you always had a desire to find your birthmother and other biological family members? Are you curious? As an adoptive Mom of 3 beautiful children, I guess my advice would be to move slowly..... if you feel the need to pursue this. You don't HAVE to do anything. You can just have this new information and pray about it. You can let God lead. If my dc want to meet their bio families, I will of course help them. But I would want them to do it in such a way as to minimize any possible hurt. I would try to prepare them to be ready for anything. I would remind them that once they go down that road, their life will never be the same. There could be surprise and hurt feelings on both sides. It could be great. It could be painful. It could be neutral (which would carry its own kind of pain). I am not one for pain avoidance at all cost. I guess I would want my dc to think about the possible effects on their life and their family. My prayers go up for you. I hope it all works out beautifully. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted April 15, 2012 Author Share Posted April 15, 2012 Wow, that's a tough one. I guess the question is - what do you WANT to do? I would be playing all kinds of scenarios in my head if I were you. :grouphug: I can't even do a scenario. This woman abandoned me....then abandoned my newly found 1/2 brother who doesn't know I even exist yet. His dad sounds like a really sweet man...who made a mistake marrying my bio-mom. She seems to have left him and his son..... I know....too much information for a message board..... I don't know where else to turn for good advice. I think I will have dh send a nice thank you....give my contact info to 1/2 brother...and then decide about bio mom and 2 1/2 sisters..... Oh man, I am just not in a good emotional state to be dealing with this...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmMusa Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Wow. Take some time to think about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 He just did it. I looked a few years ago, because my Mom wanted me to find out. Everyone thinks this is good for me... Me, not so much. I am scared, a bit hesitant....I never had those "My mom is really royalty and his me out" daydreams. I knew any mom who would abandon a baby....was...well NUTS! I would never leave my baby with a baby sitter, let alone never come back! Oh my...I sound judgmental......I am judgemental:D I am also sick to my stomach......and I think I need a Xanax! :confused::confused::confused: You don't need to do anything now. I'd definitely take time to think about things. As an adoptee, I would be SO upset if anyone did searching without my consent. I am completely on board that *our* stories are our own, to explore as we wish. Gosh, I feel nauseous just reading this. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Please take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Using Google can you search around a little bit and find out some information about them before you contact them? I had an old family friend who I am named after, contact me recently (not comparing it to a bio-mom). Google was the first thing I did. I searched and searched. Followed rabbit trails and then decided if I wanted to contact her or not. I don't have a great relationship with my bio-family so I am reluctant whenever someone from that circle contacts me. I found out that she is a Christian Woman's ministry speaker and author. It lessened my fears of contacting her. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted April 15, 2012 Author Share Posted April 15, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: This is a hard one. What do you want to do? Have you always had a desire to find your birthmother and other biological family members? Are you curious? As an adoptive Mom of 3 beautiful children, I guess my advice would be to move slowly..... if you feel the need to pursue this. You don't HAVE to do anything. You can just have this new information and pray about it. You can let God lead. If my dc want to meet their bio families, I will of course help them. But I would want them to do it in such a way as to minimize any possible hurt. I would try to prepare them to be ready for anything. I would remind them that once they go down that road, their life will never be the same. There could be surprise and hurt feelings on both sides. It could be great. It could be painful. It could be neutral (which would carry its own kind of pain). I am not one for pain avoidance at all cost. I guess I would want my dc to think about the possible effects on their life and their family. My prayers go up for you. I hope it all works out beautifully. I never was curious, or cared. I had my hands full just with my adoptive mother:D. Lol. Pain is part of an adoptees heart. It just is. No matter how wonderful the parents, there is always a hole...tiny as it may be..... My Mom always wanted me to find my birth mother. She really asked me to pursue it a few years ago....and I tried, sort of for her sake....but I had no luck....and dropped it. I never wanted an Oprah reunion. I am battling anxiety and depression right now....and I know it is hereditary....the adoption agency said she had both...and had been hospitalized. I am much more mild than that. I think dh was really trying to help me square some things away in my heart. I now wish he would have just helped me with the yard work instead! OY!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Btw, my birth mom abandoned me when I was 3 months old....then got married, had a son, abandoned them....then remarried and had 2 dds. I am not sure if she is still married...... What do I do??? I would look at the word "abandon". Did she leave you in a trash can or an ER or did she put you up for adoption. Was she young and single and thought she could do it, and after 3 months realized she couldn't? Sometimes people are in situations where they realize someone ELSE would be a better parent. Sometimes people develop more of an even keel when they are older or have some security in their lives. I knew a woman who was rather flighty and freaked out, and finally gave up her child when the child was 7 (good news ... the parenting was not working). After she finally married someone with a steady income who was loyal, she became a joy. She needed something secure. So, I would think outside what you call "nuts", and consider that people are different, and that sometimes they are not nuts for giving up a child. I would also contact my half-sibs first, IF you want to. Why was your husband looking, BTW? I would look at that and why you use the word "abandon". It might help you think about how you will take this, or if you should just walk away. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melmichigan Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 :grouphug: I would give yourself some time to process everything before making any decisions, especially with everything you already have going on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 :grouphug: Definitely information I would sleep on. And wait. You've gotten far better advice so far than I could give. . . .so. . . . :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted April 15, 2012 Author Share Posted April 15, 2012 I would look at the word "abandon". Did she leave you in a trash can or an ER or did she put you up for adoption. Was she young and single and thought she could do it, and after 3 months realized she couldn't? Sometimes people are in situations where they realize someone ELSE would be a better parent. Sometimes people develop more of an even keel when they are older or have some security in their lives. I knew a woman who was rather flighty and freaked out, and finally gave up her child when the child was 7 (good news ... the parenting was not working). After she finally married someone with a steady income who was loyal, she became a joy. She needed something secure. So, I would think outside what you call "nuts", and consider that people are different, and that sometimes they are not nuts for giving up a child. I would also contact my half-sibs first, IF you want to. Why was your husband looking, BTW? I would look at that and why you use the word "abandon". It might help you think about how you will take this, or if you should just walk away. :grouphug: Abandon....as in...leave baby with neighbor and never come back. She contacted her parents to make sure I was OK. ONCE...then neighbor surrendered me to adoption agency. She needed to be tracked down to sign adoption papers, which she did. Abandon...As in leave and not come back without leaving a forwarding address or phone #....then going on with your life A's if you never had a baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Abandon....as in...leave baby with neighbor and never come back. She contacted her parents to make sure I was OK. ONCE...then neighbor surrendered me to adoption agency. She needed to be tracked down to sign adoption papers, which she did. Abandon...As in leave and not come back without leaving a forwarding address or phone #....then going on with your life A's if you never had a baby. :grouphug:Oh, Faithe. :grouphug: I know this has to be making old wounds fresh for you. I'm praying for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cin Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 I would pray about it. And I would, at the very least, try to acquire some medical history. :D Yes, many years ago she abandoned 2 children. And that seems VERY extreme to us. But there are at least 2 sides to every story, usually 3 sides: your's, mine, and the RIGHT side. I might consider meeting with her somewhere that is public, yet offers some privacy, so you can talk. She may have her reasons for abandoning her babies, may regret it, and may have been wanting the opportunity to apologize and find out if they've made out OK. People change. Sometimes. Sometimes they don't. But I would do this only if I could do it with an open heart. :grouphug:From one adoptee to another :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murmer Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Couple of thoughts... You have all the power in this right now. You have the information to do with as you will and only you can decided when and how and what you do...and I would make it clear to all those pushing that you will do with the information as you see fit and that you will tell them what you are going to do when you are ready. Second your birth mother made the choices she made by herself your biological siblings had nothing to do with it. But again you have all the power and can do with the information as you wish. This is your life and experience and it is ok to just hold on to the information. I think there is a lot of people that think they know how an adoptee should feel based on what other adoptees felt or what they read or what they would feel but that has nothing to do with how you actually feel and what you should do. That is something only you can decide. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murmer Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Couple of thoughts... You have all the power in this right now. You have the information to do with as you will and only you can decided when and how and what you do...and I would make it clear to all those pushing that you will do with the information as you see fit and that you will tell them what you are going to do when you are ready. Second your birth mother made the choices she made by herself your biological siblings had nothing to do with it. But again you have all the power and can do with the information as you wish. This is your life and experience and it is ok to just hold on to the information. I think there is a lot of people that think they know how an adoptee should feel based on what other adoptees felt or what they read or what they would feel but that has nothing to do with how you actually feel and what you should do. That is something only you can decide. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah CB Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 He just did it. I looked a few years ago, because my Mom wanted me to find out. Everyone thinks this is good for me... Me, not so much. I am scared, a bit hesitant....I never had those "My mom is really royalty and his me out" daydreams. I knew any mom who would abandon a baby....was...well NUTS! I would never leave my baby with a baby sitter, let alone never come back! Oh my...I sound judgmental......I am judgemental:D I am also sick to my stomach......and I think I need a Xanax! :confused::confused::confused: I don't think you need to do anything. I don't understand the importance some people place on biological relationships. Your mom is the one who raised you. If you have no interest in pursuing a relationship with your biological mother then I wouldn't pursue one. Let it drop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 :grouphug: As a person who is looking for her father, and knows that she has at least 4/5 half siblings out there in the world, and four aunts and uncles, call. Not for your mother, but for you and for your siblings. I ask myself this ALL THE TIME. I am holding Pandora's box in my hands, do I open it? My caveat is that my father didn't abandon me, my mother refused to let him see me and took me back to the states. It could all blow up and then we're left with what? Less than we had before? Not at all. But, if it works out, it's like finding a gold mine. It will take time to build relationships, but it could be all worth it. And if I never call, I'll never know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 I don't think you need to do anything. I don't understand the importance some people place on biological relationships. Your mom is the one who raised you. If you have no interest in pursuing a relationship with your biological mother then I wouldn't pursue one. Let it drop. Because sometimes, no matter how much we are loved by other people, we always know we're different. Always. And we want to find our tribe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 It's not like you have to do anything. Now. Or in a week. Or in a year. Give yourself time to process it all. Go through all your emotions. Then think about what you want to do. No rush. :grouphug: :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 But I think I'd want to know the siblings. My fil found out in his 50's that he had 2, 1/2 siblings. One of them was famous! He was able to have some good times with them together, and still talks to his 1/2 sister often (his 1/2 brother passed away a few years ago). I think it really helped him in many ways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanvan Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 :grouphug: As a person who is looking for her father, and knows that she has at least 4/5 half siblings out there in the world, and four aunts and uncles, call. Not for your mother, but for you and for your siblings. I ask myself this ALL THE TIME. I am holding Pandora's box in my hands, do I open it? My caveat is that my father didn't abandon me, my mother refused to let him see me and took me back to the states. It could all blow up and then we're left with what? Less than we had before? Not at all. But, if it works out, it's like finding a gold mine. It will take time to build relationships, but it could be all worth it. And if I never call, I'll never know. I hadn't really considered the bold print above, but it is something to think about. I was in a similar situation with my birth father who signed away all rights to me and carried on as if he had never fathered a child. My childhood without him wasn't exactly a picnic. When I finally met him he told me he often wondered if my mom and her new husband had sent me to the bottom of the lake to get at an inheritance I had been left by another relative. It's nice he was concerned, but I had to wonder, why didn't he try to do something if he thought my life was so terrible? A co-worker's husband found him for me about 20 years ago. Many times I think it would have been better if he hadn't. Initially my birth father was glad to get to know me. He called often, seemed interested in my life, sent me gifts. I hate to say it, but, I think that was all about trying to undo some of the guilt he felt. He has not called me in years. I call him about every 6 months. Occasionally we e mail. He has never seen my daughter and has no interest in getting to know his grand kids. It's like he felt he had done enough to ease his conscience and then shut me out. Honestly, when I think about him I sometimes feel I gave him the opportunity to abandon me all over again! Dh reminds me that it's all for the best b/c we have such different values and lifestyles he just doesn't see how we could be involved in each others lives. It's still hard. Still, as mentioned above, if it works out it could be wonderful. For me it hasn't, though I no longer have that wondering I did before I found him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 You don't have to do anything. The only thing you need to do is what is right for you, and you deserve time to decide what that may be. Don't let what other's think is 'right' push you into any decisions that you can't undo, that may not be right for you. Wolf had no desire to ever meet his bmom. Turned out that she died before he started looking, which he found was a relief. All her kids, except the youngest dd have FASD to one degree or another. He never wanted anything to do w/her. His bfather...He did want a chance to contact. Unfortunately, I located him only to find out he'd passed away a few mths prior. Sounds like you went looking to start w/b/c of what someone else wanted, not any desire of your own. Figure out what it is that you need/want, and take it from there. There is no wrong answer to this, Faithe. You don't HAVE to feel one way or the other. However YOU feel is the right way, regardless of anyone else's opinion. Fwiw, I met my mom's first dh, and my younger brother many yrs ago. Neither became a lasting part of my life. Not all searches have 'happily ever after' endings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Abandon....as in...leave baby with neighbor and never come back. She contacted her parents to make sure I was OK. ONCE...then neighbor surrendered me to adoption agency. She needed to be tracked down to sign adoption papers, which she did. Abandon...As in leave and not come back without leaving a forwarding address or phone #....then going on with your life A's if you never had a baby. Not the kind of person I would want in my life. Just because you are genetically related to her doesn't mean you have to know her. If you never had a deep, desire to do this before then I would put it back on shelf and pretend it never happened. My dh is adopted and has never had an need to search out his bio parents. His sister is also adopted and she did find her bio mom and it was a total disaster. My advice? Do nothing. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Laurie Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 I don't think you need to do anything. I don't understand the importance some people place on biological relationships. Your mom is the one who raised you. If you have no interest in pursuing a relationship with your biological mother then I wouldn't pursue one. Let it drop. :iagree: This is how my dh feels, he was adopted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 I have looked for my birth mother for years and haven't ever found her. I personally do want to meet her. The only bio family I know are my two oldest children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Ask yourself what you would want out of a relationship if there were willing to get to know you. Ask yourself if you would feel rejected all over again if they refused. Ask yourself if you could handle it if she / they proved to be radically different than you expected. If you are okay with the last two and you would like to see if you can build a relationship, contact them. If you feel you'd better leave things as they are, no problem! There is no right or wrong answer or plan of action here IMHO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted April 15, 2012 Author Share Posted April 15, 2012 Thanks everyone. I am feeling a bit calmer now. Or, maybe it is the Xanax:001_huh: I really don't have any expectations. I never had dreamy ideas of my bio family. I figured they would be just As messed up as the rest of the world..... I have had no contact....just dh. I think I am interested....in just for the sake of knowing, interested. I am not sure I would want a relationship. My dh and my kids ARE my family. I need to consider their feelings and how this impacts my kids. Lots to think about..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted April 15, 2012 Author Share Posted April 15, 2012 I have looked for my birth mother for years and haven't ever found her. I personally do want to meet her. The only bio family I know are my two oldest children. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyD Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 I'm sure your DH had nothing but the best of intentions, but really, it seems to me that this wasn't his search to do. I agree with everyone who has said that you don't have to do anything. And furthermore, not doing anything now doesn't mean that you can't do something later. You can think about this for as long as you want. Or not. It is entirely up to you. The only thing that I *would* do would be to tell my DH as gently and as lovingly as possible, to back the heck off in the biofamily department. This is your life, your history, and your story, and these are your decisions. :grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry you've been having a tough time lately. I wish you much strength, and good health. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 If you are interested but don't want to personally make the initial contact, you could have someone else contact them. Even if it was just to screen for interest in knowing a sibling they have not met. However, I would wait until you are really ready. Once the ball starts rolling, it could be difficult to stop. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKidAcademy Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 He just did it. I looked a few years ago, because my Mom wanted me to find out. Everyone thinks this is good for me... Me, not so much. I am scared, a bit hesitant....I never had those "My mom is really royalty and his me out" daydreams. I knew any mom who would abandon a baby....was...well NUTS! I would never leave my baby with a baby sitter, let alone never come back! Oh my...I sound judgmental......I am judgemental:D I am also sick to my stomach......and I think I need a Xanax! :confused::confused::confused: In that case, don't do anything. Only you can know when the time is right - and it may never be right. Other people don't get to make that decision for you. From a different angle, my son (adopted at birth) knows he has a bio-sibling and is most anxious to meet her someday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twilight Woods Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 My DH is currently going through this with his bio dad. If you want to PM me to talk I can give you more details. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanezomom Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Faithe, there is lots of love for you over this. Can you feel it? You're not alone. I haven't talked to my father in 20 years and he only lives about 40 minutes away. The thought of even seeing him gives me what I can eloquently call an "icky feeling" and thankfully he doesn't try to make contact with me. If my husband made contact I think I would need a bottle of Zanax. I would not feel emotionally safe and it would derail my life. I can understand somewhat. When I read your description of your situation, it felt to me like a chink has been knocked out of the wall that separated you from your birth mom and now you are almost able to peer into her world, but would you even want to? Isn't it safer to not look in right now until you can think and pray about it? Your emotional safety is the most important thing. Your hubby's actions might have given you a choice you don't want to make but you really need each other right now. I hope your dh can just be there for you in whatever way you need as you experience all those feelings that must be wanting to pour out of you. Last thought - can you talk to a counselor about this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZooRho Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 oh my I both of my boys were adopted. I know my oldest has done some searching. I don't know what to tell you to do though. He would like to meet his birth mom but he too struggles with parts of the issues Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflections Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyDays Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Faithe, there is lots of love for you over this. Can you feel it? You're not alone. :iagree: Absolutely, this. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: My heart hurts for you so much, just reading this. I would thank DH for his good intentions, but let him know that you have to process this. And don't do anything right now. Definitely give yourself time to decide. I'm not sure I'd want a woman like that back in my life either, although I would want some questions answered... but I just can't KNOW what I'd want as I'm not in your situation. Enjoy the relaxation from the Xanax. Get a good night's sleep. And if you're still not ready to decide tomorrow, push it to the following day. Or week. Eventually you'll do what's right for you. Just a few more :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: for good measure.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Do you think you have a complete picture of what happened? Not snarky - truly asking. I work in crisis counseling and I know the panic and desperation many young women feel when they are pregnant and decide to choose adoption. I don't know if this is what happened in your case, just wondering if there were circumstances you don't know. It often is felt by the children as a form of rejection. I completely understand why you feel you cannot relate to her. On the other hand, if I was your mother, I would be so scared of this reaction because whatever happened back then, you don't know if she is still the same woman. If she was flaky and immature, she may have grown and matured over the years. The mistakes she made back then are still mistakes with painful consequences...which is why (I think) God offers His children grace. :grouphug: This does not mean you are obligated to meet anyone if you don't think you can do it. I just wanted to offer a view from another angle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Give it time, no rush to do anything. Cry if you want to, nothing wrong with a good cry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delaney Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 I'm not sure I would do anything with the info. Being that you came from the same body does not make you in any way beholden to be friends or anything at all. You lack the bond and the experience of growing up together that makes a family a family. To me the term "sister" and "brother" mean very little if the relationship is not there. I have 2 brothers, full brothers, that I never see. One I haven't spoke to in 3 years. I just don't care. We have nothing in common and I wouldn't be friends with them in if I met them socially b/c I just really don't care for their personalities. Go with your heart. If you are content then don't pursue. If it is going to nag at you then just do it so you know you tried.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 I don't know what to say and I don't know what I'd do. I just want you to know I feel for you and your anguish. I'm really sorry.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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