She criticized my child

[MamaBearTeacher]

This post is about someone criticizing my child and me finding the best way to deal with it both emotionally and practically.

 

I homeschool my 5-year old son but this year I have been bringing him for Mandarin lessons once a week. The teacher told me today that he has been disruptive and she feels that it is because he doesn't understand the routine of school, how to behave in a classroom, and that he is too in awe of everything in the classroom. She told me she thought I should send him to school next year so he could learn these things. She also said that she feels he asks too many questions, most of which are not content-related. She said that one boy stood on his chair and she told him to get off and my son asked : "Why did you tell him to get off?" She feels that he should know the answer to that question. She says that it does not concern her how much he is learning at this point but rather his behavior. She feels that he is having to learn 2 things: Mandarin and classroom behavior.

 

She said all this in front of him and I felt to a certain extent that she was going on too much. While much of what she says is true I don't know that I agree that it is all a bad thing. He looked somewhat sad as she was talking, like he might cry and I felt that I might cry too. I am not thick-skinned.

 

She asked me to stay in the classroom after that to help him. On the way to the classroom from the gym there was a sofa and he said "Why is that sofa like that?" She said to me: "That is what I mean." Yes, he asks a lot of questions, some unrelated or off-topic, but he is five years old. I love his questions. He learns a lot from them.

 

In the classroom with me by his side he was perfectly behaved. He did get distracted by the reflection of something on the screen when she left the overhead projector on but did not disrupt the class.

 

I doubt he learned anything from what she was teaching. The class has a mix of ages. Today there were two girls ages 10-12 who have been studying Mandarin for several years, and four other boys ages 5-7. There is also a teenage boy who volunteers to help but he is not very helpful at all and she constantly needs to tell him what to do. In the past she has had my son sit at the back of the room with the teenage boy and another child. Today she had all the kids in the front row with the two older girls in the middle. The girl sitting beside my son was facing the other girl so she had her back to my son. It seemed like his desk was too big for him. The teacher was teaching the class at the level of the two girls and she spent a lot of time commenting to me about interesting things but it was over the children's heads and she was looking at me the whole time. The two girls were the only ones answering the questions. All the other boys except two were disruptive. The two girls got up at one point and started walking around the classroom. The teacher was not clear when she taught new words and spent a lot of time figuring out how to get into her Powerpoint files. She showed two video clips: the first of a teenage or college-aged exchange student visiting a family in China and the second, a cartoon that held my son's interest more but I don't think he caught a single word of the Mandarin. The teacher is often late or absent and she was still teaching the class Halloween vocabulary a month after Halloween. She is not perfect and she shouldn't criticize my son.

 

My reaction: I listened to what she said but after a while it got too much. I tried to rephrase things for my son so that he would understand what was expected of him without feeling bad about it. I did say: "It must be hard to have such a range of ages in the class." (maybe I shouldn't have said this) to which she said that she has taught this class for 10 years without any problems. In the past she has told me that she is finding it hard to have so many boys in the class and that she thinks one might have ADHD.

 

My emotional reaction: After a while I felt like crying. When I saw my husband I spent about 20 minutes criticizing her teaching skills to him. When I went shopping later I started crying. "How dare anyone criticize my sweet child!" I honestly don't know how to have a thicker skin.

 

How I will proceed: I will probably sit with him in the classroom for a few classes at least because she seems to want that and I want her to be off his case. Definitely a new class next year but I want him to stick with it this year.

 

What if she continues criticizing him or the fact that I am homeschooling: I don't know what I will do. I have had a lot of undeserved criticism in my life. I probably do something to invite it but I don't want that spilling onto my children. I don't like criticism and I usually withdraw or defend myself but somehow when I defend myself the person ends up hating me.

 

Background info: DS has been very difficult to deal with this past week. He was sick and not getting enough sleep but it was the behavior she was describing was much milder. I have noticed that he is very innocent and in awe compared to other children his age. He also does not seem to "get" the rules/objectives of sports and games. I am not sure if he would be any better at this if he were in school. He has a difficult life because his two older brothers have severe special needs, are often in pain and cry and scream a lot.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I don't think that this should be about whether she criticized your child or not. I think it should be about whether this class and teacher is the right one for your son. I do not think that it is. I understand that Mandarin teachers might be hard to find, but it doesn't sound like most of the class, including your son, are learning much.

[Joanne]

I am not sure what kind of feedback you are looking for.

 

First, if you have another person in leadership over your child, they will have feedback. No child, in fact, no human being acts completely appropriate in all settings at all times.

 

Second, I would have immediately stopped the instructor when she told me how to educate my child. Immediately.

 

Third, I think she's right; she needs to teach him both mandarin and classroom material. That is a fact. So, Mom, you can teach him classroom behavior or pull him or keep having conflict.

 

His questioning behavior (and I've seen kids like that IN school, so it's a personality trait) annoys the teacher. I get that, that particular trait annoys me, to. It often comes off as disrespectful. Your son could probably use some social coaching on his inquisitiveness.

[Slartibartfast]

If someone is teaching a five year old they should expect to have inquisitive children every year.

 

This isn't about classroom behavior, inquisitive children are normal but she is blaming him being inquisitive on homeschooling. That is not rational.

 

I would start working with him on writing down all the questions he has while working on other things and then he can ask them all later when it isn't a disruption.

[KirstenH]

I want to say this gently but honestly: Everyone deserves criticism. No one is perfect. This includes your child. I won't address the Mandarin teacher or whether I think her standards are fair, because I don't know her, and I don't think it's relevant. What I will address is your own words. I read you saying that you can't handle your child being criticized at all. This isn't healthy for him or for you. Every child will make mistakes, and the people who are tasked with bringing up and teaching him would be remiss in not pointing out those mistakes so they can be corrected. Some will do it gently, some not as much.

 

Homeschooling is a lifestyle that INVITES criticism. I think going into it without simultaneously maintaining a thick skin and an openness to other perspectives is setting yourself up for heartache.

 

I'm sorry you are hurting.

[Cassy]

:grouphug: I would have felt exactly as you did. She sounds like a bad teacher, and the class seems totally unsuitable for a 5 yo. I'd try to find an alternative, or wait until he's a little older. I would NOT take any of her comments to heart at all. He doesn't need to go to school, he's doing fine with a mum who listens to him and responds to his wonderful, natural curiosity.

 

Cassy

[AK_Mom4]

:grouphug:

Sounds like a tough day. I think you are doing the right thing sitting in class with him for a while. That will help him get the right expectations on how to behave - not that he is behaving badly, but more that there is a time and a place for questions (since you can help him with that without squelching him!). And a new teacher next year sounds like just the ticket!

[GingerPoppy]

He's 5. I think it's great that he's innocently "in awe" of the things around him; the world fascinates him, as it should. A normal 5yo asks a lot of questions, but of course, many of the schooled children learn when not to ask.

 

It sounds to me like her classroom is not set up to be an ideal learning place with ideal learning methods for children as young as your ds. The age span is almost certainly too wide. Of course he will be distracted at that age if he isn't actively engaged in the lesson.

 

About the "thin skinned" issue: I think perhaps you are taking it too personally. The teacher is maybe out of touch, but she's not telling you these things about your son to hurt you... she's telling you to get her own frustrations about her class off her chest in the hopes that it will help you to guide your son in a way that will make him "easier" in a classroom setting. Unless you've left something out, she didn't sound particularly harsh, just out of touch. And ignore her ramblings about not homeschooling him, because it's not her business. But, keep in mind that she's just giving her honest observations, and it's not really a bad thing. She just doesn't understand.

 

I noticed something in your post: you said that when you defend yourself from others, they end up "hating" you. Well, I wasn't there so I can't say for sure, but in my experience people don't hate for reasons like that. Something else is going on. Either you are misinterpreting their words and actions as "hate", which you should try to look at in a new light and stop labeling as hate... or you have been with some extremists and you need to find some new friends.

[Jennifer in MI]

:grouphug:

Sounds like a tough day. I think you are doing the right thing sitting in class with him for a while. That will help him get the right expectations on how to behave - not that he is behaving badly, but more that there is a time and a place for questions (since you can help him with that without squelching him!). And a new teacher next year sounds like just the ticket!

 

:iagree:

 

You know - I can see why you reacted like you did. :grouphug: It sounds like the teacher doesn't like something about your child that you find to be WHO he is. It's how he learns and it's a part of him. So, she was not only criticizing a behavior, she was also criticizing him as a person. Maybe? Would it help if you could see that she only sees this as a behavior? And, that in a classroom setting, it can be distracting. It can seem like he isn't paying attention.

 

Anyway, I see how, if it is important that he stay in this class, it is important that you are there for the reasons stated above.

 

:grouphug: to you.

[ondreeuh]

Oh boy. I agree with the PP that it probably seems so personal because she appears to be criticizing HIM as a person and not just his behavior. Possibly his behavior has gone too far, but it's entirely possible that her standards are too high for him. Just not a good match. He sounds like a normal 5 y/o to me, and she wants him to act like a 10 year old girl. She doesn't sound flexible, so then your choice is how you respond to it.

 

You can stay there with him, helping with his behavior. Do you think he is learning any Mandarin, though? Are you getting your money's worth out of the class? And I don't just mean that in a financial sense - is what he's getting out of it worth the classroom experience he's having? If he's actually learning classroom behavior, then maybe so. But if she is just shaming him and causing him to feel badly about himself, that it's NOT worth it. He's only 5! He has time to learn Mandarin.

 

I have a very disruptive, loud, easily angered child (WAY worse than what you are dealing with). I go to preschool with him, because I want to be right there to address his behavior. His teacher is not really effective, and I don't want the other kids to have to deal with him. It sucks! In my case, I know that the expectations aren't too high - it's his issues. He IS improving - he still has frequent melt downs but he is also using excellent skills to ask for help, give compliments, ask for turns, etc. 2.5 hours was too long for him because he was getting into too much trouble every day, so I have dialed it back to where we are only going for the first 45 minutes of class. My goal is to give him enough time where he can practice the pro-social behavior but leave on a good note before he gets overtired/overwhelmed. I don't even worry about the academics - I do that at home. Maybe a non-academic play-based class would be helpful for your son? The pressure of a classroom environment just seems like a bad fit (as it would be for MOST 5 y/o boys).

 

I have a thin skin. I am very thankful that no one has given me grief or blame, probably because they can see that I am doing everything I can to deal with it. (It also helps that I live in an incredibly passive-aggressive, non-confrontational village and they're all just probably talking behind my back. As long as I don't know about it ...). If the teacher is just being mean, then go ahead and be mad about it. I don't think you can trick yourself out of feeling mad - you're being protective! But if she is being objective, and the truth hurts, then try to use it as information to help you move forward.

 

I wouldn't believe that she never has had a problem before. I think that's B.S.!

[helena]

I want to say this gently but honestly: Everyone deserves criticism. No one is perfect. This includes your child. I won't address the Mandarin teacher or whether I think her standards are fair, because I don't know her, and I don't think it's relevant. What I will address is your own words. I read you saying that you can't handle your child being criticized at all. This isn't healthy for him or for you. Every child will make mistakes, and the people who are tasked with bringing up and teaching him would be remiss in not pointing out those mistakes so they can be corrected. Some will do it gently, some not as much.

 

Homeschooling is a lifestyle that INVITES criticism. I think going into it without simultaneously maintaining a thick skin and an openness to other perspectives is setting yourself up for heartache.

 

I'm sorry you are hurting.

 

:iagree:

Well said Kirsten.

 

OP, :grouphug:

[spaceman]

I'd pull him, because it doesn't really sound like he's getting anything from it.

 

And I have reacted similarly (actually cried in front of the person, that felt great...). It's hard being sensitive. I hear it gets better with time and practice. One can only hope.

[Barb_]

It sounds like a perfectly good classroom that is a poor fit for your child. I had a similar situation at my son's classical school this year and I pulled him out in February. He couldn't handle the long day or the heavy focus on written work, so he would zone out and play with whatever he could find in his desk. He wouldn't be aware of the rules because he was mentally absent. His teachers decided he was ignoring them and ran out of patience with him. All interactions were tainted by this idea that he was purposely defying them while he would come home crying and confused every day. There were positive things to be gained by staying, and if he were a different child he would have thrived, but nothing made up for the fact that he was beginning to see himself as a bad kid.

[sgo95]

:grouphug:

 

He's 5. I think it's great that he's innocently "in awe" of the things around him; the world fascinates him, as it should. A normal 5yo asks a lot of questions, but of course, many of the schooled children learn when not to ask.

 

It sounds to me like her classroom is not set up to be an ideal learning place with ideal learning methods for children as young as your ds. The age span is almost certainly too wide. Of course he will be distracted at that age if he isn't actively engaged in the lesson.

 

About the "thin skinned" issue: I think perhaps you are taking it too personally. The teacher is maybe out of touch, but she's not telling you these things about your son to hurt you... she's telling you to get her own frustrations about her class off her chest in the hopes that it will help you to guide your son in a way that will make him "easier" in a classroom setting. Unless you've left something out, she didn't sound particularly harsh, just out of touch. And ignore her ramblings about not homeschooling him, because it's not her business. But, keep in mind that she's just giving her honest observations, and it's not really a bad thing. She just doesn't understand.

 

I noticed something in your post: you said that when you defend yourself from others, they end up "hating" you. Well, I wasn't there so I can't say for sure, but in my experience people don't hate for reasons like that. Something else is going on. Either you are misinterpreting their words and actions as "hate", which you should try to look at in a new light and stop labeling as hate... or you have been with some extremists and you need to find some new friends.

 

:iagree: on all points.

 

Also, is the teacher from China? If so, there are cultural differences in terms of the teacher's expectations of the student-teacher relationship (expecting obedience and conformity...not valuing independence). Also, maybe she just doesn't understand little boys?

 

Is there really value to continuing the class? What it it turns your son off to learning Chinese?

 

In terms of being thin-skinned, you have to realize that everyone has problems and many times when people are being negative, it's not about you, it's actually their own issues that are manifesting themselves.

 

:grouphug: again.

[chepyl]

It sounds like a perfectly good classroom that is a poor fit for your child. I had a similar situation at my son's classical school this year and I pulled him out in February. He couldn't handle the long day or the heavy focus on written work, so he would zone out and play with whatever he could find in his desk. He wouldn't be aware of the rules because he was mentally absent. His teachers decided he was ignoring them and ran out of patience with him. All interactions were tainted by this idea that he was purposely defying them while he would come home crying and confused every day. There were positive things to be gained by staying, and if he were a different child he would have thrived, but nothing made up for the fact that he was beginning to see himself as a bad kid.

 

A class of 5-12 year olds at different levels is not a perfectly good classroom. She was not teaching to the young boys, she was teaching to the visiting students, not the less advanced. She has an assistant who does not know what to do. It is inefficient at best.

 

OP:

Either work with you son on class behavior and stick it out or drop the class amd look for a new class.

[Mergath]

I would pull him out and either wait until he's older for the classroom work, or find a tutor to come to the home and work with him one-on-one so the lessons can be adapted to his age and attention span.

 

Five year olds are mostly too young to sit quietly in desks for long periods of time doing anything, much less something as complex as Mandarin.

[LeslieAnneLevine]

I think she crossed a line by suggesting you send your child to school. That's inappropriate. I also think she was wrong to tell you all of this in front of your child. I am not saying you should completely outraged by it or anything, but I don't think she handled things very well.

 

5 is so young I can't imagine that she really thinks all other 5 year-olds have acquired all necessary classroom skills. If they had, there wouldn't have been a child standing on the chair for your son to ask about.

[Unicorn.]

I don't think that this should be about whether she criticized your child or not. I think it should be about whether this class and teacher is the right one for your son. I do not think that it is. I understand that Mandarin teachers might be hard to find, but it doesn't sound like most of the class, including your son, are learning much.

 

:iagree: I wouldn't keep my son in this class. I don't think she is a very good teacher, and as far as her comments about your son. He's 5. 5 year olds ask questions about everything. :grouphug:

[momtoamiracle]

I didn't read all responses.

 

 

 

I think as a five year old SHE should be expecting to teach classroom behaviour. For goodness sake, he's 5 years old! And so what if he asks a lot of questions? My son does as well. Now, he probably needs to learn to not ask them while class is going on. He seems to be a child that needs to exactly why everything is the way it is. Sometimes when telling my son something I will give the reason right along with it so he'll know.

 

 

Maybe she's not the right teacher. I'd probably take him out. It doesn't seem worth it to me to have a teacher not able to teach small children.

[Barb_]

A class of 5-12 year olds at different levels is not a perfectly good classroom. She was not teaching to the young boys, she was teaching to the visiting students, not the less advanced. She has an assistant who does not know what to do. It is inefficient at best.

 

It's a perfectly good classroom for those who will be a good fit. I probably should have said a perfectly good teacher for the right kids. Regardless, it's not a good fit for her son. In my son's classroom, the teacher was low-key, rigid, and demanding. Perfect for some kids, acceptable for others, perfectly horrid for 5-6 of them, my son included. I meant to be encouraging.

 

Do I detect a tone here? I'm not really sure why my post was deserving of a tone.

[NanceXToo]

She should not have said all that in front of your son. I think it's ridiculous to put a damper on a five year old's natural curiosity in a critical manner like that right in front of him...and to sit there and have the nerve to tell you that you should put him a classroom next year? Who is she to question your educational choices? Definitely inappropriate. I'd be dropping her.

 

She's a know-it-all with an opinion that you don't need to take so personally because in this case, IMHO, she's not right.

[Teachin'Mine]

You enjoy your son's questions, as you should, but it can be annoying and disruptive in a classroom setting. Thomas Edison had the same problem. ;) Now would be a good time to teach him that questions are always welcomed at home, but in some situations, he should try to remember his questions, and ask them later - not during a class. But I'm really baffled at why he's in such an academic class at 5 yo. That class sounds much more appropriate for the 10 to 12 year range or older. Some younger might do very nicely, but IMO very few 5 year olds, especially boys, would do well in that situation.

 

If you want him to learn Mandarin, why not take some materials out of the library and learn together with him? You can get DVDs or CDs which will have the proper pronunciation, and even if you don't learn it exactly, it will still help him to learn some vocabulary and to have a base for future learning. The main benefit of learning another language early is to utilize that part of the brain so it knows what to do to learn languages. That can happen without a formal classroom setting.

 

I would take the criticism and use what you can to help your son, and the rest - like about how he should be in school instead of homeschooled - I would discard.

 

If you really want a Chinese native speaker teaching your son, you may want to check with a local college to see if anyone there would be willing to work with your son, or even check with people in your community and see if there's a teenager who would work with him.

 

Hope you find what works best for you and your son. :grouphug:

[tex-mex]

I have not read beyond the first page. My apologies if this has already been said.

 

As a former schoolteacher (and Sunday School teacher at a new church plant with over 20 kids from ages 4-12 in a tiny room), that age range may be the issue. It sounds like she is teaching to the older ones and not meeting the needs of the little ones?

 

If bored or not engaged, there will be disruptions. That is normal at any age. The OP's son had questions that were developmentally normal. When I taught Kindergarten, it was normal for my students to blurt out questions like that. You learn how to keep teaching and POSITIVELY redirect the lesson when that happens without losing control. Eventually the students learn the class rules of raising hands to say something. It just sounds like this teacher may not be aware of this and her unorganized teaching style does not fit the son's learning style? Can she find a tutor willing to work one on one?

Edited March 31, 2012 by tex-mex

[cin]

My first thought was what does homeschooling have to do with a *5* yr old's behavior? Preschool and kindergarten are NOT required (at least K isn't in OH) and even if he did attend K, alot of times they don't start until they are 6. Homeschooling has nothing to do with it. It is QUITE feasible for a 5 yr old boy to NOT have ever been in a classroom. Even if he's to be public schooled.

 

Aside from that, I do not think it was appropriate for the teacher to say all that in front of the child. It brings to mind the Pygmalion thing. Children rise to the expectation we set for them.

[tex-mex]

It is QUITE feasible for a 5 yr old boy to NOT have ever been in a classroom. Even if he's to be public schooled.

 

:iagree::iagree:

[Stacy in NJ]

This just doesn't sound like the best environment. I'd re-think whether this teacher is the right fit.

 

Also, it's fantastic that your ds asks alot of questions. Feed the curiosity, don't kill it.

 

 

 

 

I don't think that this should be about whether she criticized your child or not. I think it should be about whether this class and teacher is the right one for your son. I do not think that it is. I understand that Mandarin teachers might be hard to find, but it doesn't sound like most of the class, including your son, are learning much.

 

:iagree:

[MamaBearTeacher]

She is not a good teacher for any of the students. Although the older students have learned something after many years I might have expected them to learn more. Neither is she an awful teacher or cruel. She is unclear, wishy-washy and frazzled. There were only seven kids today and she had someone helping. I do think the "put him in school next year" comment bothered me. Like most who homeschool, a lot of thought went into that decision for me. Did she think it did not cross my mind to send him to school?

 

I am not going to take him out at this point because he has to learn to be with many types of people and it's not as if she's hurting him. He says he likes going. I will talk to him some more about what she said in front of him and I will attend the class with him.

 

I do think that he is getting something out of the experience and has learned a few words, been exposed to the idea of Chinese characters.

 

I know a lot of this has to do with me. I have to strengthen myself to be a better mother and supporter of my child.

 

I have found everyone's different perspectives on my situation very thought-provoking and a great learning experience!

[mom2hunangirls]

My 8 yr old goes to a Chinese school with varying ages as well. If she (the teacher) is Chinese...I'm not at all surprised at her comments or how she delivered them. We've heard some doozies regarding our girls who are adopted. But, we go to their school and I'm not about to assume they will act like sensitive, homeschooling Americans. But, I protect when I can. Homeschooling is such a foreign concept to the Chinese...their belief in school, respecting authority, etc is what they know. That being said...whew! the Chinese boys at school are out of control. But you know what? The parents get an ear full about it every week.

 

My 8 yr old's class has one girl that is constantly interrupting for random things. It honestly makes me mad. I'm sending my child to this class to learn, but 1/3 of the class is spent refocusing everyone from her.

No, she's not 5...but if the class had a range of ages the same refocusing would have to take place.

 

I also have a 5 yr old that could technically go next year but I won't send her because she doesn't have the stamina to stay focused for the 2 hour class time. She's able to learn the language academically, but I won't send her until she can follow classroom etiquette. DH will just do flash cards with her at home.

 

Dont take the comments as a personal attack on your child. But don't write them off just because they were delivered harshly. If he is going to be in a classroom setting or any place with standard etiquette he does needs to learn how some behaviors can be viewed or interpreted.

[mom2scouts]

I have a 5 year old and she is my fifth child. What you are describing sounds like a very normal and inquisitive five year old child. I'd bet the teacher wouldn't even bring it up if she didn't know he was homeschooled, but she's just looking for a way to criticize your choice.

[2cents]

Oh that makes me so angry for you! She has no right to go anywhere near the topic of homeschooling. Doing this in front of your child...who is ONLY 5...was wrong too.

 

I would approach her now that you have formulated your feelings and tell her that the topic of how you educate him is off limits and that you plan to attend class for the purpose of monitoring the situation and that includes evaluating the value of HER TEACHING AND MANAGEMENT ABILITIES. Give it right back to her, not because you are angry but because it sounds like she is not managing well. If she cannot maintain a challenging and engaging learning environment then nobody will learn well. If she allows 5 yr old children in her class then she must be ready to expect normal curious 5 yr old behavior.

Edited April 1, 2012 by 2cents

[Mommy22alyns]

I would pull him out and either wait until he's older for the classroom work, or find a tutor to come to the home and work with him one-on-one so the lessons can be adapted to his age and attention span.

 

Five year olds are mostly too young to sit quietly in desks for long periods of time doing anything, much less something as complex as Mandarin.

 

:iagree: It just doesn't sound like the right classroom for him.

[Lisbeth]

:grouphug: I would have felt exactly as you did. She sounds like a bad teacher, and the class seems totally unsuitable for a 5 yo. I'd try to find an alternative, or wait until he's a little older. I would NOT take any of her comments to heart at all. He doesn't need to go to school, he's doing fine with a mum who listens to him and responds to his wonderful, natural curiosity.

 

Cassy

 

I agree. Questioning is a sign of intelligence and normal in a five year old. I think this teacher is very odd not to know that. I would pull him.

[besroma]

I understand that Mandarin teachers might be hard to find, but it doesn't sound like most of the class, including your son, are learning much.

 

:iagree:

 

I would pull him from the class. He is still very young and can start again later.

 

Nurture him, enjoy him, treasure him and teach him.

 

With your guidance, he will learn how to behave in a classroom environment. If he isn't ready now, or if this is the wrong class or the wrong teacher for him, pull him out.

[kolamum]

I'd remove him from the class.

 

She might have been teaching it for 10 years, but that doesn't make her an excellent teacher. A bad teacher can stills pend many years spreading their knowledge across the rooms. It sounds to me like she doesn't care much for boys and might feel incapable of teaching them.

 

I'd look for a class that is meant for children his age, they'd expect questions & movement, etc. Having said that, my eldest was full of those kind of questions at 5. Some people didn't mind, story hour lady hated it & any other little boy who'd ask such questions. She was reading about volcanoes {we lived on the tornado belt at that time} & this other little boy told her about a tornado. She cut him off 3/4 of the way through it and said, "Sit down & be quite, we're learning about volcanoes!" I was horrified for that little boy and angered no one stood up for him.

[Rebecca VA]

I would practice playing "school" with him at home. Teach him proper classroom behavior. Show him why it's hard for a teacher to teach when she's being constantly interrupted. Praise him when he learns to save his questions for another time. You'll be doing him a favor to learn how to behave properly in that setting.

 

And truly, I do think you're being oversensitive.

 

Edited to add: I think the teacher was trying to be honest with you about a real problem. If your child is not willing or able to contain his non-subject-related comments, he doesn't belong in a classroom setting with older children. End of story. It's your choice now as to whether your child's behavior changes or whether you pull him from the class and put him in a different setting. The class isn't "library reading hour" where all questions and comments should be entertained -- it's a classrooom situation where a very difficult language is being taught. The teacher needs the students to be quiet and attentive.

Edited April 1, 2012 by Rebecca VA

[kroe1]

There is no way I would keep my kiddo with a teacher who felt asking questions was a bad thing. I understand that it would be difficult to be interrupted every few minutes from a younger child while teaching older kiddos who understand and don't need as many questions. But, that's something she'll just have to suck up because she's choosing to put littles with olders.

 

Teaching Mandarin is tough. Everyone thinks a Mandarin teacher is needed. But, have you tried BetterChinese.com? Get the program for 3 to 5 year olds. We recommend starting at that level even for adults. My DD11 and I have now moved on to Rosetta Stone, but I cannot say enough good things about BetterChinese helping us get started. Love that program! And no Mandarin teacher required.

 

We will probably get a Mandarin teacher after a few more years at home. But Mandarin is so difficult to just learn the symbols and words, that one stays in rote memory work for so long. In my opinion, a teacher really isn't needed until one finally gets enough of the symbols memorized to actually need complicated grammar. The initial grammar needed for simple sentence structure is very easy.

 

HTH :)

[LostSurprise]

I think it sounds like a difference in what you expect from a classroom and what she expects from a classroom.

 

Culturally, there is a big difference here. Many Chinese take education very seriously, and student respect of teachers is already being instilled at 5 by both parents and teachers. Students listen. Teachers teach. Without student respect (and that means limiting questions to the time when they are appropriate) it is impossible to teach a classroom efficiently.

 

It seems like you have different expectations. I don't think either of you is wrong or bad...you just have different educational ideas.

 

You must choose: pull him and wait until he's older and better able to handle a lecture-classroom student relationship, find a different tutor to do one-on-one work or another class with a more Waldorf type of experience, or teach him how to get the most out of his current teacher.

[ma23peas]

First, put on your kryptonite sensitivity suit for teachers such as those...gain that confidence, apologize for her inconvenience and thank her for her insight.

 

Then I would take my son out of the class. Is it more important that he learn Mandarin or that his love of learning be quelched and fit into a nice tidy box? If you raise an inquisitive, thoughtful child....believe me, at 10/12/15 (whenever he is ready to learn Mandarin) he will soar and not need 5 years to do it. We have friends who sent their son to Taiwan for one summer, he is now teaching Chinese classes (he took 2 years locally at age 14) to young children...he would LOVE a student like yours. I teach classes, and even in the high school level there are those inquisitive types...I gently encourage them back on to topic...and would NEVER talk about them in front of their parents...this lady should be limited to teaching a very specific type of child. Not that it is bad, just she does not have the patience/nurturing aspect I would want for any child.

[Anne in CA]

His questioning behavior (and I've seen kids like that IN school, so it's a personality trait) annoys the teacher. I get that, that particular trait annoys me, to. It often comes off as disrespectful. Your son could probably use some social coaching on his inquisitiveness.

 

 

THIS. I think the real reason you are so upset is that she is insulting his personality, not his classroom presence. She doesn't even know it, which makes her not much of a teacher, IMO. He would be the same in school. How he changes is up to you. You could put him in school and let a first grade teacher try to squash him, or you can work with him gradually.

 

I don't see how anyone is learning much in the classroom environment you described. It seems like a big waste of time and money to me. She is probably frustrated and his questions and they are probably the straw that broke the camel's back.

 

I feel for you as I have a child whose personality makes other people uncomfortable. I have the same personality as my child and it is just hard to watch him suffer for a nervous system the poor boy was born with, lol. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: But I think your son will make an easier adjustment than mine, I have seen lots of kids like yours teaching Sunday School, and I have seen most of them adjust as they get older.

[nmoira]

If I were paying for a my child to take a class, I woudn't want a significant period of each class taken up by one child's off-topic questions, observations and exclamations. We've been there, and it's incredibly frustrating. I'm not being high and mighty about it, as my children are inclined to do this if not reminded before class to keep things on topic, for everyone's sake. :001_smile:

 

If the OP thinks the teacher is a poor one, there's really no point to her son's being in the class. And while the teacher admittedly handled the situation poorly, if I had a child in the class, I would would expect the teacher to do something about the situation. This isn't a regular school classroom, or even class specifically for 5 yo's; I don't think it's the teacher's job to teach considerate classroom behavior in addition to Mandarin. It's possible the boy just isn't ready, but some coaching and "classroom" roleplaying certainly won't hurt.

Edited April 1, 2012 by nmoira
delete quote

[Joyofsixreboot]

I think it sounds like a difference in what you expect from a classroom and what she expects from a classroom.

 

Culturally, there is a big difference here. Many Chinese take education very seriously, and student respect of teachers is already being instilled at 5 by both parents and teachers. Students listen. Teachers teach. Without student respect (and that means limiting questions to the time when they are appropriate) it is impossible to teach a classroom efficiently.

 

It seems like you have different expectations. I don't think either of you is wrong or bad...you just have different educational ideas.

 

You must choose: pull him and wait until he's older and better able to handle a lecture-classroom student relationship, find a different tutor to do one-on-one work or another class with a more Waldorf type of experience, or teach him how to get the most out of his current teacher.

 

:iagree:

[Embassy]

I do think that he is getting something out of the experience and has learned a few words, been exposed to the idea of Chinese characters.

 

How long has he been in this class? If he has been in there the entire school year I wouldn't continue due to the little amount he has learned. If he started in the last month or two ignore what I said. :tongue_smilie: What leads you to believe that next year will be better in terms of his progress in the language?

 

Mandarin DVDs at home will teach him a few words and expose him to Chinese characters. Even watching Ni Hao Kai Lan can do that. My older kids are learning Mandarin at home (Better Chinese). My almost 4 year old hasn't had any direct instruction yet, but has learned quite a bit from exposure through DVDs and little conversations where she practices what she has seen and heard on the DVDs.

[gardening momma]

I would practice playing "school" with him at home. Teach him proper classroom behavior. Show him why it's hard for a teacher to teach when she's being constantly interrupted. Praise him when he learns to save his questions for another time. You'll be doing him a favor to learn how to behave properly in that setting.

 

Edited to add: I think the teacher was trying to be honest with you about a real problem. If your child is not willing or able to contain his non-subject-related comments, he doesn't belong in a classroom setting with older children. End of story. It's your choice now as to whether your child's behavior changes or whether you pull him from the class and put him in a different setting. The class isn't "library reading hour" where all questions and comments should be entertained -- it's a classrooom situation where a very difficult language is being taught. The teacher needs the students to be quiet and attentive.

:iagree:

His behavior is very normal for that age, but if you're going to put him in a classroom, you have to teach him classroom behavior.

 

My dd8 is always asking questions. Sometimes it drives me crazy. It's not the question itself that's the problem (like when your son's teacher said, "see? that's what he does all day"); it's the bad timing and lack of thought as to what the answer might be. Usually it's something she can figure out herself, but asks instead. I've started offering her a penny if she can come up with an answer to her question, and it's working. :)

Edited April 1, 2012 by gardening momma

[JadeOrchidSong]

I think it sounds like a difference in what you expect from a classroom and what she expects from a classroom.

 

Culturally, there is a big difference here. Many Chinese take education very seriously, and student respect of teachers is already being instilled at 5 by both parents and teachers. Students listen. Teachers teach. Without student respect (and that means limiting questions to the time when they are appropriate) it is impossible to teach a classroom efficiently.

 

It seems like you have different expectations. I don't think either of you is wrong or bad...you just have different educational ideas.

 

You must choose: pull him and wait until he's older and better able to handle a lecture-classroom student relationship, find a different tutor to do one-on-one work or another class with a more Waldorf type of experience, or teach him how to get the most out of his current teacher.

From what I read so far, I can tell that lots of people are not aware of the cultural difference. Paragraph 2 describes the difference very clearly. A student who asks many questions while the teacher is teaching can be seen as being very disrespectful. What is totally normal and welcome to some teachers may not be so to some other teachers.

If my child is in a class where one kid constantly interrupts the teaching, I would also want the teacher to do something so that she can keep teaching instead of having to spend much energy redirecting/reminding the child to pay attention to to the teaching. Maybe it is just not the right class for the child.