how does your DH handle it?

[HappyLady]

If you're married or have a SO/partner, etc, how do THEY handle it when they get questioned about your decision to homeschool? My DH is starting to get the questions about when our DD is going to start school. So far he's just told most people that we aren't putting her into pre-school because he tells me he doesn't know how to respond to people. He doesn't read this forum, or any other homeschooling forum, so he doesn't have the privilege of knowing what some usual comebacks are to people who question homeschooling like I do. :) I try to tell him what he could say, but he feels more comfortable, for now, with leaving it at we're not putting her in pre-school.

 

My DH's co-workers are relentless when it comes to bombarding him with questions and giving him rude comments about our choices in life as it is so once he tells them we're homeschooling I really fear for what he's going to have to go through. :(

 

So how does your DH handle all the questions and criticism?

[Whereneverever]

Really, really well. My DH wanted to homeschool before I did, and he's really passionate about it. I pity the fool that debates homeschooling with my DH. :lol:

[Jean in Newcastle]

Why does he have to give them any information about homeschooling? Just tell them that she's starting school at 5 or 6 or whatever age you decide that you are going to formally start homeschooling her. I doubt that most people would then ask if she's going to be homeschooled or go to the public school. Just because you homeschool her, doesn't mean that she won't' "start school".

 

There are many of my friends and acquaintances that don't know that we homeschool because we don't make it an issue. If they ask what grade the kids are in, we say "4th and 9th." If they ask how they are doing, we say "fine". If they ask if they like their teachers, we say "yes". A few then ask if they are going to our local school and we will then say that we homeschool them but most don't get that far because they are just making small talk.

[Elinor Everywhere]

Much better than me!! I tend to get a little overly zealous and talk too much, because I'm on the defensive. My dh will get questions at a work dinner or some other social work event, but he enjoys it. He's completely sold on a classical education (after 10 years, he ought to be! :D), and he is much better at remaining calm.

 

He'll talk a little, ask questions back, but mostly waits and sees how much they really want to know. He likes to drop little tidbits on their Latin classes or our lifestyle, and by the end, they're pretty sold or at least don't have much more to say.

[sassenach]

Teach your dh how to pass the bean dip.

 

I don't think my dh gets questioned often. I'll have to ask him. He's a pastor, so I think many people assume that it's purely religious and that if they ask, they are opening the door to that line of conversation, which they are probably not in the mood to navigate.

 

I am curious whether other pastors have questioned him though.

[fraidycat]

I don't think anyone has ever really questioned DH so far. He is totally on board with our decision, though, so I have no doubt he can hold his own if questioned. So far, if anyone has asked, all we have to mention is that our 4th grade DD has been to school in 5 schools in 3 different states and two countries and they say "ahhh, yes that makes sense."

[Wheres Toto]

I don't think anyone ever asks dh. They don't seem to discuss things like this at his work. Most of the other employees have kids in college (dh is 55 years old and his business partners are around the same or older).

 

MIL is the only one I know of that tries to get in debates about it. He's very good about telling her he doesn't want to discuss it anymore. That we made the decision that we feel is best for OUR family and that is the end of it. He must have said something to her about bringing it up in front of me because she never does.

[Tap]

DH is pro-homeschooling all the way! He has no problem with debating the issue.

 

We believe that all educational methods have some merits, and neither of us have really encountered much opposition in our decision to homeschool soooo....it really hasn't been an issue for us.

[meggie]

DH used to say that we were homeschooling because Pigby would be too bored in Kindergarten because he already knows how to read and spell. DH would say he was worried Pigby would have a lot of behavior issues. :001_huh: Ummm...what the heazy, DH?!?!?!

 

Now that I've clued him into why we're really homeschooling :001_rolleyes: no one has even asked.

[regentrude]

My DH can explain the reasons why we have made the joint decision to homeschool. For us it is academics. FWIW: we really do not have anybody question us, and none of us encountered any criticism ever. Just curiosity from friends and relatives in our home country where homeschooling is against the law.

[mudboots]

DH is good at deflecting questions that don't need to be answered.

 

In this case, though, he doesn't mind telling coworkers that we homeschool. He's such a busy person that I don't think most people spend time questioning him. If anyone says anything behind his back, he doesn't really care, but few people say anything negative directly to him unless it's lighthearted joking. He just isn't particularly sensitive about other people's opinions. (This is baffling to me - I wish I could be more like that.)

 

The only person who has questioned anything at all is MIL, who tells me I'm trying to be too scheduled. DH has seen how our household runs with and without a schedule, so he and I are in agreement here. We let MIL's comments roll off.

[Cassy]

Really, really well. My DH wanted to homeschool before I did, and he's really passionate about it. I pity the fool that debates homeschooling with my DH. :lol:

 

I'm lucky enough to have a DH like that too. He's completely supportive and very proud of us all. He's also very good with people, well liked, and well regarded. Very few people cross him. It can be a bit annoying actually, but I'm glad he's on my side :001_wub:.

 

Cassy

[angela in ohio]

Um, probably not the best way, but he tells people I'm a genius (I'm not) and that he knows I do better raising and teaching our dc than anyone else ever could. That's especially a problem, since it's usually fellow public school employees asking him. :lol:

 

I would have your dh stick with something like, "Everyone has to make the choice they think is best for their own children." and then just repeat it every time they say something. Don't engage. :001_smile:

[Dad 4 Boys]

If you're married or have a SO/partner, etc, how do THEY handle it when they get questioned about your decision to homeschool? My DH is starting to get the questions about when our DD is going to start school. So far he's just told most people that we aren't putting her into pre-school because he tells me he doesn't know how to respond to people. He doesn't read this forum, or any other homeschooling forum, so he doesn't have the privilege of knowing what some usual comebacks are to people who question homeschooling like I do. :) I try to tell him what he could say, but he feels more comfortable, for now, with leaving it at we're not putting her in pre-school.

 

My DH's co-workers are relentless when it comes to bombarding him with questions and giving him rude comments about our choices in life as it is so once he tells them we're homeschooling I really fear for what he's going to have to go through. :(

 

So how does your DH handle all the questions and criticism?

 

Oh, where to begin on this one. As the DH to Chelle in MO, I'm well versed in handling these questions in the workplace and beyond, and I'm not shy at all about doing it.

 

I give anyone who wants to listen our reasons for homeschooling including academics, peer pressure, liberal issues, curriculum customization, dumbing down of education, schedule flexibility, religion and on and on.

 

For those who ask, I take the position of, "don't ask the question if you can't take the answer." I don't think I've ever gotten much of a negative reaction from coworkers, especially when I talk about ACT scores for oldest DS. Once people meet our kids, the socialization issues are pretty much nil. The rest of the issues become background noise at that point.

 

A friend who has twin 3rd graders told me yesterday that he's decided what we're doing for our kids is the right thing. He said anyone who has kids in the school his are in that isn't teaching them at home also is doing them an injustice. He said the school is teaching down to the dumbest kid there. Now, he can be a little dramatic, but I think the spirit of his comment is correct, at least in his case.

[Tarreymere]

Really, really well. My DH wanted to homeschool before I did, and he's really passionate about it. I pity the fool that debates homeschooling with my DH. :lol:

 

I have one of those! :D

 

He is very well-informed and articulate and he thinks on his feet very well. I enjoy it immensely when someone gets him going.

[GinaPagnato]

Really, really well. My DH wanted to homeschool before I did, and he's really passionate about it. I pity the fool that debates homeschooling with my DH. :lol:

 

 

 

This. Totally.

[LMD]

Really, really well. My DH wanted to homeschool before I did, and he's really passionate about it. I pity the fool that debates homeschooling with my DH. :lol:

 

 

THIS exactly!

 

 

His co-workers know better than to get him started on one of his philosophical rants... :D

 

ETA - unlike PP my DH is generally quite socially awkward. But homeschooling is something he is very passionate about and he's not intellectually cowed in the slightest by his co-workers.

Edited March 29, 2012 by LMD

[eternalknot]

My husband started out only tolerating our homeschooling, so he was an easy target for those who poked and prodded the decision. But even then he was great about maintaining a united front. My husband's job was fairly nomadic and involved significant periods of time away from family, so most of his colleagues were happy to take the "We net more family time together" response and drop it; they felt and understood that POV.

 

When people pushed further he'd try the self-deprecation thing: "Well, it's either tuition now or therapy later, and insurance will cover the therapy" or "The agreement is she doesn't tell me how to do my job, and I don't tell her how to do hers" or something like that. It was kind of a dumbed down speaks-to-people-in-the-vernacular kind of effort -- along the lines of joking about how excited PS parents are that summer vacation is almost over, you know?

 

But he was always allowed (and it was sometimes preferred) that he just use me as the bad guy. "This is my wife's ballgame, and if I didn't trust her to do right by our kids I'd have bigger problems than whether they do school down the road or in my living room."

[Danestress]

to engage in an argument about the pros and cons of how any individual employee is schooling his or her children. Even if someone else started it:)

 

I don't feel like either of us faces many questions or criticisms, but then maybe he just doesn't tell me what people say. Which is fine with me.

 

Truly, neither of us is really interested in a debate. I have had a few people say I "should" put my kids in school, and I tend to just sort of shrug and say, "Is that so?" or something like that. It's really not important to me that people think I am doing the right thing.

[QuirkyKidAcademy]

Since my DH isn't convinced homeschooling is the right thing (because it isn't the "norm"), he probably throws me under the bus.

[nukeswife]

It seems my dh has never had this be an issue. He has gotten the "So, where are your kids going to school?" from time to time when we meet new people reporting to the ship or if we've moved, but once he says "We homeschool" that's usually the end of the conversation unless they have genuine questions about homeschooling. Could be because we're military so it seems that homeschooling isn't as uncommon as it can be in the civilian world.

[KungFuPanda]

DH is not the sort of person people interrogate for sport. There ARE perks to being married to a quintessential alpha male. He doesn't have to SAY anything and folks know not to mess with him. I wish I had that air about me. Nobody fears me :-/

 

Dh is a mathematician and I'm a teacher. The kind of people who don't know enough about homeschooling to leave you alone about it tend to back off due to our 'credentials.'

 

It sounds like your DH may be too free with personal information. People take liberties with that. He needs to practice a little operational security and hand out information on a need-to-know basis.

[elinnea]

My DH can explain the reasons why we have made the joint decision to homeschool. For us it is academics. FWIW: we really do not have anybody question us, and none of us encountered any criticism ever. Just curiosity from friends and relatives in our home country where homeschooling is against the law.

 

 

This has been our experience as well. Dh is German and spends the majority of the year working in Germany and the UK. I've been positively surprised at the reactions to homeschooling from Germans. When we lived there there were several people who were quite critical of the fact that we didn't send ds1 to Kindergarten but no one has criticized homeschooling at all and have acted genuinely interested.

[ktgrok]

My dh usually goes into a spiel about how his wife (me) researches curriculum, makes sure that the work is up to national standards, looks for the best educational materials, and tailors everything to our son's needs, etc etc. He (purposely or not) makes it about how awesome his wife is. If anyone said anything negative after that it would sound like they were criticizing his wife, which would be rude, so it seems to stop them.

[dhudson]

My DH argued with me like crazy about homeschooling before we homeschooled but then I took him to a convention and he was sold out.

 

I have had to end conversations with others because my dh turned the argument upside down and started questioning them on why they DON'T homeschool. He is a lot more approachable than I am but he is well versed on homeschooling answers and is so very proud of his kids so most ont last long in a debate.

 

 

Have him go to a homeschool convention or help him come up with a few basic answers to the basic questions. Socialization, what about sports, academics and will they get into college....

[DawnM]

Same here. Dh was the one begging me to homeschool. He has about 100 reasons why we are homeschooling and his poor colleague whose three children are public schooled can't catch a break. Her kids all had sex by 13, have been caught drinking, one caught stealing with his buddies because it was "fun" and on and on.

 

Dh says his coworkers have told her, "I see now why Jim homeschools his kids!" :lol:

 

This same woman INSISTS that kids should go to school for, wait for it, yup, you got it, socialization!

 

Um, we see your socialization and we raise the bar much, much higher. Thank you for your concern!

 

Really, really well. My DH wanted to homeschool before I did, and he's really passionate about it. I pity the fool that debates homeschooling with my DH. :lol:

[Parrothead]

 

It sounds like your DH may be too free with personal information. People take liberties with that. He needs to practice a little operational security and hand out information on a need-to-know basis.

:iagree: There are not a lot of people who need to know. ;)

[iquilt]

My dh announces it proudly to pretty much everyone he ever meets so everyone knows more about me than I know about them. I did have to fix his answer last year when I found out he was telling people we do all of the subjects, including Social Studies, and I had to fix him and tell him we study History and Geography. His favorite thing is to tell people that our girls enjoy studying Latin; always gets doubters to stop asking stupid questions. He even found a local teacher who tutors Latin on the side because it is her passion and I have her business card for when I need her! He loves the flexibility of our homeschooling life and isn't shy to share.

[Parrothead]

 

My DH's co-workers are relentless when it comes to bombarding him with questions and giving him rude comments about our choices in life as it is so once he tells them we're homeschooling I really fear for what he's going to have to go through. :(

 

My dh said that your dh should ignore the ____ out of them.

[Karen in CO]

Nobdy has bothered my dh about it. If someone asks where the kids go to school he gives our standard, 'We homeschool" which is the end of the conversation. Not a single person has ever suggested that it isn't a good choice for us - at least not to our faces ;)

 

Just don't engage people in debate about it. If someone has honest questions, that is different than questioning your judgement.

[Rosie_0801]

I'm surprised how many times homeschooling can come up in dh's random conversations with co-workers. I suppose he'd stop doing it if he got negative reactions, but if he got any particularly negative reactions, he'd probably decide he didn't like them after all and more or less stop talking to them.

 

The only negatives he has ever got, as far as I know, is from his mother. I'm pretty sure he told her something along the lines of I do lots of research and am not stupid, so shut up already. His father only broached the topic once and that was only to make sure dh was on board and it wasn't just something I'd bullied him into.

 

I don't think non-related people spend much time criticising men over their domestic choices.

 

Rosie

[Trilliums]

 

So how does your DH handle all the questions and criticism?

 

 

We decided to homeschool jointly, but for the first few years, DH remained a bit...skeptical. So, originally he was a fairly vague should it come up. Also we lived in an area with very bad public schools, so most people could relate to our decision. Now, after 8 years of homeschooling, DH is so happy we made this decision and his eyes practically mist over with emotion when he discusses how great homeschooling has been for the kids. Last week DS tried out Facebook and called DH at work. Turns out he was in the middle of a meeting (oops!) and I heard someone in the background ask where was DS calling from and wasn't he in school? I felt so bad we had opened up that whole avenue of discussion, but he said everyone was very interested in hsing and only had positive remarks. Eventually your DH will develop his OWN reasons and beliefs behind your family's choice.

[ssavings]

DH can be intimidating, so he's rarely pressed for information. He's also the type to share details with people, so I don't think people feel free to ask him. They (very) few that have asked him have made it a question of "socialization", which nearly always provokes a debate that the asker was dramatically under-prepared for.

[J-rap]

Really, really well. My DH wanted to homeschool before I did, and he's really passionate about it. I pity the fool that debates homeschooling with my DH. :lol:

This.

[sewingmama]

My Dh is a teacher -so he gets a lot of comments from co-workers. Especially when the head of the private school he was working at wanted to know why their school "wasn't good enough" for his kids :glare: My DH now works for the education department and most of his co-workers (after seeing all they see in schools) think it's a great idea and understand why he is doing it.

 

DH really, really wants the kids to be HS, moreso then me (which is funny because in the beginning it was my idea and he was against it ;))

 

When I get tired and start making frustrated noises about putting the kids in school DH is the one who is adament not to send them.

 

He is pretty good at "passing the bean dip' :lol:

Edited March 29, 2012 by sewingmama

[happypamama]

DH just says that we homeschool (and that we planned to homeschool, before our children were old enough to homeschool officially), and nobody's ever been critical of that. Actually, most people are really complimentary and think it's great. I think he knows a lot of people who are, for one reason or another, out of the mainstream and/or suspicious of The System. Our whole lifestyle is very DIY -- DH is very big into hiking and projects and teaching himself (and our children) new skills, reading a lot, etc., so homeschooling really fits us. I don't think anyone who talks to DH for more than a few seconds (especially if they've met our oldest child, who is super smart and also quirky) is surprised that we homeschool.

[Hedgehog]

My DH was homeschooled. He's very good at defending our choices. It's along the lines of, "mind your own bee's nest..."

 

:D

 

Seriously.. he is good at supporting us; he's pleasant enough about it, but he has so many reasons why he thinks it's right for us to homeschool that you can almost see the other person backing off!