How? How? How?

[Nakia]

How can I do this? I feel weak and tired and scared. Right now, all of my children are going through something, and I don't know if I can deal with it. But, of course, I know I have to deal with it.

 

Anna is still struggling with anger, though it is much much much better. We are starting counseling next week. Wednesday night she was playing tag at church, and a little boy ran into her (accidentally of course) and we thought she had broken her wrist. Thank God, it's only sprained, but it still hurts and it's her left hand which is her dominant hand. So, she's out of horseback riding for a couple of weeks, and she frustrated beyond belief. Poor thing. It hurts to see her hurting because she is so stoic and never complains about feeling bad or hurting. She isn't even really complaining now, but I see the tears well up when she forgets and tries to use her hand.

 

Emma is struggling with her allergies and asthma. She had a reaction to her allergy shots yesterday, and she still wheezing and coughing this morning. We might end up taking her in to the doctor for steroids. Kids on steroids=no fun. And she is feeling really needy lately because her sisters are demanding so much of my attention that she is being left out. That is making her anxiety surface again. She is sticking to me like glue, but I have to keep putting her aside to tend to the other ones. With this asthma flare-up, though, she is getting a lot of attention this morning. I hate to think that's the only way she gets my full attention.

 

Cora...poor Cora. Some of you know she was just diagnosed with ADHD. We can't get in with the developmental center for a full evaluation until July. I've been reading and researching like crazy, and I'm overwhelmed. Right now, she has a cold, and when she is sick, she gets mean. She was being horrid in the grocery store last night, and I fussed at her, probably too harshly, but I had called her down 10 times or more. She told me that she feels invisible. Oh my goodness, that crushed my heart. I don't know what to do. I don't know if she's just being 6 (though my others never used that word to describe their feelings at 6) or if she is possibly having some depression. I know that's common in kids with ADHD. I'm wondering if I should call the ped and go ahead and look into meds. I want someone to tell me what to do, but of course, no one can.

 

I don't know why I'm posting. I guess I just need to vent. I sobbed all evening, I didn't go to bed until 3 am, and I've been teary all morning. I need to snap out of it, but I am so overwhelmed, and I feel so guilty, like I've caused it all. I know that's ridiculous, but I can't think clearly right now. Maybe someone will understand. I'm working all weekend, and I'm already exhausted. Patrick is helping all he can, but he never knows what to do with me when I get like this. He always gets the worst of me. I wish I had his faith that it will be okay. It could be so much worse. I am so thankful that these problems are fixable and that they are mostly healthy and happy kids.

 

This too shall pass. This too shall pass. This too shall pass.

Edited March 2, 2012 by Nakia

[swellmomma]

:grouphug:

[KS_]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Remudamom]

I'm sorry. Hang in there.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

BTDT....I totally understand. I wish I had some magic words of wisdom. My head is currently pounding so hard that I can't even think straight. I'll come back later when I can say something that makes sense, but I just wanted to offer hugs and to say that I really DO understand.

[elegantlion]

I'm sorry. :grouphug::grouphug:

[Night Elf]

Lots and lots of :grouphug::grouphug: !

[MeganW]

When I hit that stage, I call off school for the day and send the kids out to play. They are instructed to use the potty BEFORE going out, cause they aren't coming back in!

 

My mom's rule was "if it isn't lightening or below 32 degrees, there is no such thing as weather inappropriate play in, only inappropriate clothing!".

 

Send the kids out, and CLEAN the messiest area in your house. It will make you feel better!!

 

It's a short-term fix, but will get you through today, anyway!

[Sugarfoot]

:grouphug: We're going through a lot here, too. I keep telling myself that summer is coming, the weather is going to warm up, we're going to get a break. Hopefully, a nice, long break. Lately, I've been waking up in the middle of the night in a panic over everything...

 

Two small things have been helping me. I've been finding little pieces of random junk to throw away. Nobody notices, but I know the house is "lighter." The kids have too many toys, clothes, books, on and on... I just grab a little thing here and there that I know they won't miss...

 

The other thing I do is really connect with each child, even if it's just for a few minutes, alone. I make eye contact and let them talk. It's rarely about anything profound, although sometimes it is. All of them are more content when this happens, and yet it's one of the first things to get lost when things get crazy.

 

:grouphug:

[*********]

Wow.

 

And I thought I was having a bad day, becuause it's blah around here.

 

:grouphug:

 

:grouphug:

[Curly]

:grouphug:

[NanceXToo]

Aw. Nakia. It's so hard for a mom not to feel endless guilt and worry for her kids. But you're right about one thing- this, too, SHALL pass, and your kids will be okay. They will have their good and bad moments like everyone else but they've got good parents and each other and they will be okay.

 

Anna's starting counseling soon. That's great news! And her wrist will heal! I remember when my daughter, now 11, had a broken ankle at 2, and my son, now 6, had a sprained arm at around the same age. It was tough for a while and pitiful but they got through it!

 

I'm sorry Emma had a bad reaction to her allergies, poor kid! I know dealing with allergies is an ongoing struggle. The feeling like she's getting less attention, well, that may resolve on its own in time as you address counseling with Anna and Cora's ADHD (more on that in a sec), or maybe it'll come with a bit more age and maturity, bit I know you're doing your best)!

 

Cora, well, you have to make your own decision but my oldest daughter was the same age when I started her on ADHD meds and I have NEVER regretted that decision. She is 20 now. She stayed on them from about age six to about age sixteen and then we tried taking her off them to see how she'd do at that age and we discovered she no longer needed them.

 

In those years on between, she benefitted so much, able to be herself and focus and concentrate and relate better to others and so on. And the only side effect was limited appetite mid day so she was always pretty thin until she came off the meds.

 

Like you said your kids are mostly healthy and happy, and they are there with you- hold on to that. You will all come through all of this just fine! :)

[J-rap]

Maybe it's time to take a break for a day -- do something very fun and very unexpected. A matinee and ice cream? I found that when we'd get into a cycle when everything seemed negative -- just breaking that cycle with one fun event sometimes really did the trick. It almost seems like cheating and like it's actually not getting to the problem, but really, sometimes it was all we needed!

We do this even now, when sometimes we get such heavy hearts with my husband's condition and how it has changed our lives. Everything seems so difficult and hopeless... and then, we do one little thing to change it up a bit that's fun, and suddenly the situation doesn't seem insurmountable anymore, and we have renewed vigor and cheer.

[Impish]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Amy in TX]

:grouphug:

[Twigs]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[BlessedMom]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[QuirkyKapers]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[WarriorMama]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

I also have three kids whose needs are all very, very intense right now. It feels like we're constantly in crisis mode, trying to find solutions to all the issues...

 

It's so hard to feel like there are more needs than you can meet at once. I always feel like I'm falling short and letting someone down.

 

Hang in there. You're an awesome mom, and the very hard time WILL PASS. :grouphug:

[Nakia]

Thanks everyone. Your posts mean a lot because I know you all get it. It's hard to talk about it in real life. I do have a best friend, but I feel like I burden her with it all the time, and she has her own stuff.

 

We took the day off Wednesday and just cuddled and watched movies all day. Then yesterday we took the day off because I had to take Anna for the xray. After that we did a few errands including shopping a little at Goodwill. That was nice. Today...another day off. Patrick's home, and we are chilling out. I am going to try and nap before going to work tonight. We'll hit it again Monday.

 

Thanks again.

[QueenCat]

:grouphug:Nakia:grouphug:

[jujsky]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

 

As I've mentioned before, we're on the ADHD wagon too -- DS was recently diagnosed. I have the diagnosis, but not a ton of help right now in figuring out what to do about it. If you want to PM me so we can commiserate, sulk, and gorge ourselves on virtual chocolate together, please feel free.

[kalanamak]

:grouphug:

[myfunnybunch]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I hope your time off gives you a bit of a breather. Hang in there.

 

Cat

[Desert Rat]

Hang in there, Nakia. You can do this. When things get overwhelming for me, I try to remember that anyone can eat an entire elephant. It just takes one bite a time. There was a time not too long ago that I didn't hope to get through the day; I hoped to get through the minutes. Baby steps. Try not to look at the big picture. Look at the little ones that you can handle. I hope it gets better soon.

[In the Rain]

:grouphug:

 

Aw. Nakia. It's so hard for a mom not to feel endless guilt and worry for her kids. But you're right about one thing- this, too, SHALL pass, and your kids will be okay. They will have their good and bad moments like everyone else but they've got good parents and each other and they will be okay.

 

 

:iagree: wise words.

[KidsHappen]

:grouphug: Nakia, I so understand hon. It seems like things always hit at one time and even if you are very balanced and things have been good for awhile a cluster of issues like this can take even the best of us down. Just don't forget to take care of yourself. You can't take care of anyone else if you aren't in a good place yourself. Try to look at your situation and see if there is anything that you can tweak yourself to help get you through. And of course, I am always available by PM or email if you just need someone to talk to. :grouphug:

[Georgiana Daniels]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

Be kind to yourself. You are only one person, and you know in your heart you're doing all you can for your family. I know it sounds simple--and sometimes callous--to say, "Lean on the Lord." But He wants to be the shoulder you cry on.

[rocketgirl]

if it helps at all, my daughter said she gets no respect...she's my 3rd, she's 7, and it's true....her oldest sister doesn't respect her, puts her down (and we know that and we are always on her about it - we know the lasting effects that can have because we had siblings do the same). We work on it...just wanted to let you know you are not alone & send you our best wishes and prayers for your girls....

[KrissiK]

:grouphug: I'm sorry. I've got some high maintenance kids myself. And they know how to make me feel guilty. And they use that knowledge quite often. Hang in there, gal!

[Shellers]

How can I do this? I feel weak and tired and scared. Right now, all of my children are going through something, and I don't know if I can deal with it. But, of course, I know I have to deal with it.

 

Anna is still struggling with anger, though it is much much much better. We are starting counseling next week. Wednesday night she was playing tag at church, and a little boy ran into her (accidentally of course) and we thought she had broken her wrist. Thank God, it's only sprained, but it still hurts and it's her left hand which is her dominant hand. So, she's out of horseback riding for a couple of weeks, and she frustrated beyond belief. Poor thing. It hurts to see her hurting because she is so stoic and never complains about feeling bad or hurting. She isn't even really complaining now, but I see the tears well up when she forgets and tries to use her hand.

 

Emma is struggling with her allergies and asthma. She had a reaction to her allergy shots yesterday, and she still wheezing and coughing this morning. We might end up taking her in to the doctor for steroids. Kids on steroids=no fun. And she is feeling really needy lately because her sisters are demanding so much of my attention that she is being left out. That is making her anxiety surface again. She is sticking to me like glue, but I have to keep putting her aside to tend to the other ones. With this asthma flare-up, though, she is getting a lot of attention this morning. I hate to think that's the only way she gets my full attention.

 

Cora...poor Cora. Some of you know she was just diagnosed with ADHD. We can't get in with the developmental center for a full evaluation until July. I've been reading and researching like crazy, and I'm overwhelmed. Right now, she has a cold, and when she is sick, she gets mean. She was being horrid in the grocery store last night, and I fussed at her, probably too harshly, but I had called her down 10 times or more. She told me that she feels invisible. Oh my goodness, that crushed my heart. I don't know what to do. I don't know if she's just being 6 (though my others never used that word to describe their feelings at 6) or if she is possibly having some depression. I know that's common in kids with ADHD. I'm wondering if I should call the ped and go ahead and look into meds. I want someone to tell me what to do, but of course, no one can.

 

I don't know why I'm posting. I guess I just need to vent. I sobbed all evening, I didn't go to bed until 3 am, and I've been teary all morning. I need to snap out of it, but I am so overwhelmed, and I feel so guilty, like I've caused it all. I know that's ridiculous, but I can't think clearly right now. Maybe someone will understand. I'm working all weekend, and I'm already exhausted. Patrick is helping all he can, but he never knows what to do with me when I get like this. He always gets the worst of me. I wish I had his faith that it will be okay. It could be so much worse. I am so thankful that these problems are fixable and that they are mostly healthy and happy kids.

 

This too shall pass. This too shall pass. This too shall pass.

 

i can sympathize with you. It's very hard when your kids are struggling.

 

This time last year my DD15 was suicidal. She's struggled with depression/anxiety since she was 9 years old. My DD21 was coping with anniversary of her 1st child dying of trisomy 13. My DS11 was reading a first grade level and very frustrated. My DD14, felt left out.

[*Inna*]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Peaceful Isle]

So sorry!:grouphug: It's really hard when it's your own babies! :( - I know they are not "really" babies, but we still feel that way as a mommy!

[TN Mama]

Hugs & prayer, Nakia. :grouphug:

[Amber in AUS]

Hugs, thinking of you

[Chris in VA]

Nakia, I hope today is so much better. You are wise to stay flexible with your schedule. So many moms seem not to take time off to nurture their families or themselves--I'm so glad you can model that balance to us!

 

I empathize with the "I'm the cause of it" stuff. Before we knew ds22 was probably an Aspie (I keep saying probably b/c he was tested at around 10 and they said he wasn't, but the diagnosis was pretty new, and the testing was pretty lousy, and he definitely exhibits the behaviours), I definitely blamed myself, because I'd get frustated and yell sometimes, or whatever. It wasn't because of me, tho!

 

I'm learning about boundaries right now, using Cloud/Townsend's book. Perhaps it'd be good for you to read (said totally gently--totally). I tend to get enmeshed a bit in my kids' emotions and have trouble with that. I don't know if you do--

 

Just want to say hang in there. You are a wonderful mom!!! It's hard when they are hurting a bit or have adversity. I remind myself that my kiddos lives will never be perfect, and that they can learn to turn to God's comfort thru it; sometimes that comfort comes thru their parents, of course. It is a sweet thing to know God's compassionate care, and I wouldn't want to deny them that, even if it means they need to go thru something hard to experience it.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Heather in Neverland]

Lots of love and hugs your way. It sounds overwhelming.

 

 

Praying for you. :grouphug:

[Zoo Keeper]

:grouphug: Praying for you and whole family. You will find a rhythm. Life will get "normal" again.

[Nakia]

You all have no idea what your virtual hugs, words of encouragement, and pm's mean to me. I am so thankful for this board.

 

Anna's wrist is feeling a little better today. We ended up starting Emma on steroids, and she is still wheezing off and on. Between the nebs and the prednisone, she is not nice right now, but I know she can't help it. Cora's cold is getting worse and has moved to her chest, so she is a big grump. Poor thing. Thankfully, I got flexed off work tonight. I didn't rest well today, and I am glad to be home with my babies.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

 

As I've mentioned before, we're on the ADHD wagon too -- DS was recently diagnosed. I have the diagnosis, but not a ton of help right now in figuring out what to do about it. If you want to PM me so we can commiserate, sulk, and gorge ourselves on virtual chocolate together, please feel free.

 

I definitely want to pm you! I meant to last week, but you know how it goes, lol. I'll be in touch soon!! Thank you, Julie. :grouphug:

[Rosie_0801]

:grouphug::grouphug: