Blueridge Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Our church invited a young (18) man to intern for the semester as the new youth group leader. The young girls were giddy and giggling. :001_wub: Dh and I feel like old fuddy duddies, but we just aren't too keen on the idea. Are we just way out of touch with what *youth* need, or is it the recipe for disaster? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tenoraddict Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I agree that 18 seems too young to be a youth group leader, since it's the same age as some high school Seniors. Maybe this is a remarkable young man...but I'd ask some questions about why he was hired, especially if I had a teenage daughter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotAVampireLvr Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I think it really depends on the 18 y.o. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I'm gonna be honest, that sounds like an absolutly awful idea. An 18 year old IS a youth, for crying out loud. I think youth groups in general are a horrible idea. But one run by an 18 year old? No way in the world would my kids be going to it. Youth should be mentored by elders. Elders means OLDER people. Why is it that so many youth groups are run by young singles or young just married couples? That seems like an awful idea. Shouldn't the point of a youth group at a church be to council, direct, lead, and encourage these youth in their walk with Christ? Seems so many youth groups have turned into clubs or cliques. Just my $0.02. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evergreen State Sue Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I think the youth need to have someone more mature in their faith and experienced in life. Someone who has been down the road, but maybe not a grandpa age. Our youth group leader is married with kids preteens to just graduated. He's young enough to want to play, but old enough to be a mentor. I think that is an ideal combination. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I think it also depends on what he's supposed to do and what kind of supervision and guidance he is given. Our Sunday school director is a university student - this would not worry me as far as youth group goes, even if the girls were giddy (which I would guess a few are.) There isn't exactly opportunity for anything bad to happen, and he relates well to them while being more experienced and mature. Being giddy is pretty much a state of being for some teen girls. But it possibly even more important to protect the youth director in that kind of situation, so I would hope there are other adults around the youth events. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cbollin Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 In our church "interns" were not in charge. They were more like an assistant to the leaders and pastors. Some were young (19 and 20). Worked with 2 leaders who were at least a decade older who were always present at all events. If the new intern that young is in charge with no experience and no one else is present at events.... probably a bad idea in theory. -crystal Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 is he the intern under a youth pastor, or is he the actual leader in charge?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 In our church "interns" were not in charge. They were more like an assistant to the leaders and pastors. Some were young (19 and 20). Worked with 2 leaders who were at least a decade older who were always present at all events. If the new intern that young is in charge with no experience and no one else is present at events.... probably a bad idea in theory. -crystal :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Goldwater Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I see youth groups as un-biblical, or perhaps, to be more charitable, 'extra-biblical.' To me is just another example of parents outsourcing or subcontracting their God-given responsiblities, in this case, to disciple their own children in the Gospel and the ways of God. See Deut. 6:6-7, Deut. 11:19, Prov. 22:6, and Ephesians 6:4 for supporting scripture. Statistics indicate that young adults, those who have been raised through-out this phenomenon of professional youth ministry, are leaving the Christian faith in droves, once they become adults. So, I'm not exactly a fan. The scenario described by the OP is particularly troubling... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted February 12, 2012 Author Share Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) We've been talking about this since we got home today. The whole *youth group* concept came up 2 weeks ago at a Wednesday night business meeting. The pastor shared a bit about this young man, made him sound quite exceptional (homeschool grad, university student, musically talented...). The small group voted to give him a try this spring semester. Today was his first day. He led the Sunday school we were in with guitar, singing, praise and worship (we're more conservative so this was weird lol), then went to the youth class...there was nobody with him to help mentor or anything, which we were shocked about. There were 9 girls and him. :001_huh: There was an introduction time, my girls said they were homeschooled, and he told them that "he understood that they were probably feeling like they had no friends..." :tongue_smilie: There was talk of dating and he was obviously trying to be their cool friend. He introduced himself at the worship service and said if he "seemed socially awkward, he had been homeschooled ha ha ha." Strike #2. :glare: I felt awkward and old and angry. Not sure what we are to do. Church is really our only outlet, and I don't want to have a grumpy attitude about it. It just seems like they are putting an awful lot of faith in him and placing him in a difficult position. We don't want to put our daughters in a difficult position, either. Edited February 13, 2012 by Blueridge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 We've been talking about this since we got home today. The whole *youth group* concept came up 2 weeks ago at a Wednesday night business meeting. The pastor shared a bit about this young man, made him sound quite exceptional (homeschool grad, university student, musically talented...). The small group voted to give him a try this spring semester. Today was his first day. He led the Sunday school we were in with guitar, singing, praise and worship (we're more conservative so this was weird lol), then went to the youth class...there was nobody with him to help mentor or anything, which we were shocked about. There were 9 girls and him. :001_huh: There was an introduction time, my girls said they were homeschooled, and he told them that "he understood that they were probably feeling like they had no friends..." :tongue_smilie: There was talk of dating and he was obviously trying to be their cool friend. He introduced himself at the worship service and said if he "seemed socially awkward, he had been homeschooled ha ha ha." Strike #2. :glare: We had a church meal afterwards and he hung out in the hallway with 2 college girls, then he sat at a table behind us, also talking about the girls he had dated, his favorite skinny jeans, more silly stuff I can't remember. I felt awkward and old and angry. Not sure what we are to do. Church is really our only outlet, and I don't want to have a grumpy attitude about it. It just seems like they are putting an awful lot of faith in him and placing him in a difficult position. We don't want to put our daughters in a difficult position, either. Whoa. BAD idea. An 18 year old man who is to 'mentor' 9 girls? NOPE. Not on my watch. There's NO WAY my kids would be involved in that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlyingMOm Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I see youth groups as un-biblical, or perhaps, to be more charitable, 'extra-biblical.' To me is just another example of parents outsourcing or subcontracting their God-given responsiblities, in this case, to disciple their own children in the Gospel and the ways of God. See Deut. 6:6-7, Deut. 11:19, Prov. 22:6, and Ephesians 6:4 for supporting scripture. Statistics indicate that young adults, those who have been raised through-out this phenomenon of professional youth ministry, are leaving the Christian faith in droves, once they become adults. So, I'm not exactly a fan. The scenario described by the OP is particularly troubling... :iagree: Our kids will not do youth group and one of our criteria when we were searching for a church was that it not have a youth group. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) We've been talking about this since we got home today. The whole *youth group* concept came up 2 weeks ago at a Wednesday night business meeting. The pastor shared a bit about this young man, made him sound quite exceptional (homeschool grad, university student, musically talented...). The small group voted to give him a try this spring semester. Today was his first day. He led the Sunday school we were in with guitar, singing, praise and worship (we're more conservative so this was weird lol), then went to the youth class...there was nobody with him to help mentor or anything, which we were shocked about. There were 9 girls and him. :001_huh: There was an introduction time, my girls said they were homeschooled, and he told them that "he understood that they were probably feeling like they had no friends..." :tongue_smilie: There was talk of dating and he was obviously trying to be their cool friend. He introduced himself at the worship service and said if he "seemed socially awkward, he had been homeschooled ha ha ha." Strike #2. :glare: We had a church meal afterwards and he hung out in the hallway with 2 college girls, then he sat at a table behind us, also talking about the girls he had dated, his favorite skinny jeans, more silly stuff I can't remember. I felt awkward and old and angry. Not sure what we are to do. Church is really our only outlet, and I don't want to have a grumpy attitude about it. It just seems like they are putting an awful lot of faith in him and placing him in a difficult position. We don't want to put our daughters in a difficult position, either. Well, he sounds like a typical 18 year-old boy. He's probably a very good kid. But I'm not at all sure that a "typical" 18 year-old male should be leading a girls' youth group on his own. An older teen boy and a bunch of younger teen girls? Could be completely innocent, but it could also be a recipe for disaster, particularly if you're right about him "trying to be their cool friend." If it was a group of boys, I think I might feel differently, but I can't quite imagine why he would have been chosen to lead a group of girls. I guess it couldn't hurt to give him the benefit of the doubt at first (as long as he's not spending time alone with individual girls,) but to also keep a close eye on the situation -- and it would also be a good idea to talk with the parents of the other girls to get their take on the guy. What type of group is this? Is it purely social, or do they do community service stuff, or Bible study stuff, or what? I do find it quite odd that he is immediately allowed to lead the group on his own, with absolutely no supervision from anyone in the church. Why do they trust him so much, so quickly? Edited February 12, 2012 by Catwoman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I won't go into it again, but suffice to say that my opinion of youth groups drags the bottom of the depths of hell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted February 12, 2012 Author Share Posted February 12, 2012 Yes, ladies, I am agreeing with you. 5 years ago we left a church *because* of the youth group there. We could see destructive influences in our dd. We are relatively new members at this small church, and our hearts are grieving about this because this church needs growth...it needs fellowship opportunities...it needs fresh ideas and innovation. But this?? We just don't know who to talk to because we were afraid that we were just being resistant to change. That has been the big message in Sunday school...getting out of your comfort zone and letting God be God. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Our family actually left our church over this same issue. I had been advocating for some sort of new youth prgram, as the (small) church's programming had nothing for 7th grade & up, until you had the adult programs! Well, we got a new priest & she jumped in (yay!) and, without consulting parents, designated a young 19-20 y.o. male college student as the solo youth group leader (boo!). Further, they talked of lock-ins, overnights, etc, and had NO PLANS AT ALL for having two adults present, or any other oversight! She seemed to think it perfectly reasonable that she use "her judgement" to "call" this young man, and had NO desire to do background checks, to even discuss establishing safety protocols, etc. Her met-him-last-week instinct that this was a good kid & a good idea was all she needed, and she expected the parents to just go along with it! I was flabbergasted. After a few conversations trying to find some resolution, it was clear that our new priest: this seemingly intelligent, 50ish yo mother of several, thoughtful and accomplished human being . . . simply had horrific judgment in this case. Since we'd been so outspoken advocating for a program for the youth, and it was clear that WE would NOT be sending our kids to the new program, I decided it was better to leave the church than to stay and be the seed of discord among our small, lovely church. It was really sad for us. (And, BTW, said new youth group flopped after a couple meetings. No duh! The church's youth programming has shrunken even further, with Sunday school ending at grade 5, and now three grades instead of two in each class . . . It is so sad, and we saw it coming, and it was so avoidable!) Anyway, there is just NO WAY ON EARTH that this is a good idea. Ideally, I think mentors of youth should be married couples 25 years or older. I wouldn't think that unmarried persons (except gays in committed relationships) should work with youth unless the person is at least 30 years old (ie., ancient in the eyes of teens). And, in all cases, having safety policies in place along the lines of Boy Scouts, etc, seems like a no brainer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) I think youth groups are a bad idea and can be dangerous. Very few are run well. Ive heard of the horrors of them. I used to be on the youth team. I dont care about the character of the 18 year old; that is FAR too young. It sets the scene for a disaster with young girls. The girls may be the problem, not him. I dont understand what those in charge were thinking. Edited February 12, 2012 by Denisemomof4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fhjmom Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 We've been talking about this since we got home today. The whole *youth group* concept came up 2 weeks ago at a Wednesday night business meeting. The pastor shared a bit about this young man, made him sound quite exceptional (homeschool grad, university student, musically talented...). The small group voted to give him a try this spring semester. Today was his first day. He led the Sunday school we were in with guitar, singing, praise and worship (we're more conservative so this was weird lol), then went to the youth class...there was nobody with him to help mentor or anything, which we were shocked about. There were 9 girls and him. :001_huh: There was an introduction time, my girls said they were homeschooled, and he told them that "he understood that they were probably feeling like they had no friends..." :tongue_smilie: There was talk of dating and he was obviously trying to be their cool friend. He introduced himself at the worship service and said if he "seemed socially awkward, he had been homeschooled ha ha ha." Strike #2. :glare: We had a church meal afterwards and he hung out in the hallway with 2 college girls, then he sat at a table behind us, also talking about the girls he had dated, his favorite skinny jeans, more silly stuff I can't remember. I felt awkward and old and angry. Not sure what we are to do. Church is really our only outlet, and I don't want to have a grumpy attitude about it. It just seems like they are putting an awful lot of faith in him and placing him in a difficult position. We don't want to put our daughters in a difficult position, either. This sends red flags up all over the place for me. Is there no couple in the church that is willing to step in and provide a more mature-in-the-faith leadership role? He might not be such an "issue" if her were there assisting someone older/wiser/more experienced, but in the situation you have described, I would not want my teen to be a part of it. Probably not what you had in mind, but is there any way you and your DH could be a part of the youth leadership? They may have turned to this young man because he was the only one they could find that was willing to do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) Our church invited a young (18) man to intern for the semester as the new youth group leader. The young girls were giddy and giggling. :001_wub: Dh and I feel like old fuddy duddies, but we just aren't too keen on the idea. Are we just way out of touch with what *youth* need, or is it the recipe for disaster? A single 18 year old intern to be the interim youth pastor? That's a terrible idea. I honestly have no idea what they would be thinking... Youth groups in general are NOT a bad thing. I think they are wonderful! But every church I've been to, the youth pastor is married - he and his wife are interviewed together, etc, because she'll be doing a lot (usually) with the young women of the youth group, even as he is the actual youth pastor. DH and I have been youth leaders (not the pastors, but part of the adult staff) at our church for years, and it is a wonderful thing for the teenagers. ETA: I'm shocked at some of these opinions of youth groups. Wow. Just wow. :001_huh: I guess as a die hard supporter, I just need to not take it personally, that just because SOME people have had bad experiences doesn't mean all youth groups are bad, despite what some may think... :tongue_smilie: Edited February 12, 2012 by PeacefulChaos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofkhm Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Our church invited a young (18) man to intern for the semester as the new youth group leader. The young girls were giddy and giggling. :001_wub: Dh and I feel like old fuddy duddies, but we just aren't too keen on the idea. Are we just way out of touch with what *youth* need, or is it the recipe for disaster? This situation would have me seriously worried. Concerned, something. I am involved with our youth group and we have several of the older girls turning 18 this year. One of them is graduating high school, the other 2 are both juniors. (birthdays in June and October) Anyway, the graduating one, I'm having serious concerns over her involvement next school year. She will 18 so an adult. But too close in age to the high school kids to be an adult around them. I really don't think her attitude around them will change. Maybe, maybe around the middle school kids. But I'm not even sure that would be a good fit. 18 yo intern - maybe with an adult alongside. An intern people. Not the person in charge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I like youth groups the way our church runs it. Kids ages 6th grade and up attended regular service with adults. This is to give them practice at being in service and is to help with that drop out rate. Another day of the week, the kids get together for Bible study and getting to know each other. It is led by a young married couple, and there is always three or four adults for accountability. I think having a young youth pastor is fine (young meaning 20-something). They need to be able to keep up with the kids, which is one reason you don't often see older youth pastors. The other reasons is that many pastors use the position of youth pastor as a stepping stone up to other positions...not saying I agree with that. Having a leader that young is not a good idea because he is just too close in age. Having no other adult is a problem; there is no accountability should something happen or even if there are false accusations. For his own protections, he should have at least one other adult with him, preferably female in this case. I do not think he should be leading a group of only young girls so close in age. Not a good situation. We like youth groups that are well done. This one is not, and our daughter would not be attending. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cricket Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I'm amazed that those in leadership positions in your church even thought of this idea, let alone followed through with it. The leaders of our youth group are all old enough to have teenagers or even grandchildren that are teenagers. At every event there are several adult chaperones. I cannot fathom that any adult would think it was okay to make an 18 yo male a leader of 9 teenage girls. Definitely speak to the elders in your church. I don't think you are being fuddy duddies at all. You are speaking from wisdom that comes with age. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mereminerals Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Well, I am a little skewed on youth groups as my dh and I are leaders in our youth group. We are extremely blessed to have a youth pastor who has been at our church for over 10 years and his calling is youth ministry and not just a stepping stone into a senior pastor position. With that said, it is definitely a bad idea to have a youth leader be that close to the age of the students. The students have a very hard time respecting the authority of someone who just got out of school themselves. They look upon them more as friends. We do have a couple of early 20 somethings in our youth department, but they are under other leaders so they can be mentored into a position they feel called to. We also have a couple of retreats we do every year in which college kids lead small family groups. These are also always overseen by the youth pastor and the other youth leaders to make sure nothing is being said that isn't biblical. I would be the first to remove my kids from any youth group that the church thought it perfectly okay for someone so young to be in charge of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 18 us too young to lead a youth group UNLESS there is already an older adult leading the group and the 18yo is a helper. My high school youth leaders actually did just that--they had a 19yo helper who was fabulous. It was good for him to have that responsibility, good for my youth leaders to have the help, and good for the group to have more leaders. However, the answer to this question really should be based on the individuals involved. What do I think of youth groups in general? To that I have to ask, which one? Who's leading it? I've seen both great youth groups as well as poorly-managed, emotionally-dysfunctional ones--it really is based on the people involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Do we as adults just get more naive as time goes by or something? Do we really have our heads that far up our a$$es? Seriously, 18 yo? Do parents really think their kids care about learning about God in youth group?? (I'm sure a small, VERY small minority really do). I remember what we were doing in youth group when I was a teen. :001_huh: Youth group is a big joke for the most part, IMNSHO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Photo Ninja Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 He may be a remarkable young man with a call of God to minister to youth, but he still needs to be trained and mentored instead of being set in this position where he is about the same age as the youth in the youth group. He needs to be working under the mentorship of an adult youth pastor. He should not be alone with female students. This is for his own safety so he is not accused of anything improper even if nothing wrong happens. It is just wise. He needs a female youth leader with him. We do have student interns in my church, and I have loved each one. The big difference is we have an adult youth pastor (he has two college aged kids) who is in charge, and he truly mentors, instructs and guides the interns. They are under his supervision, even though he allows them the opportunity to teach, lead worship, plan events, etc. An 18 yo in my church would probably not be interning, but if he was, he would only be working with the middle school students, not with the high school students because he is the same age as many of the students. This is the policy for our own church youth group students who graduate from high school, but want to help with the youth group. They only serve with the middle school students for a few years, until they are older. I doubt your situation will work well for anyone involved. The intern won't have the respect of the students because he is too close to their own age. I doubt he has the experience or maturity to handle many situations that arise in youth groups. The high school girls will get all goo-goo over him, and that's not necessarily his fault, but is he mature enough to handle it appropriately? Will he be their leader or their friend? Is he still going through the same things the high school students are (I assume he is by virtue of his age). Please understand, I am not criticizing him. I am the one who advocates for youth to be released to do whatever they are able to do. I know they can accomplish great things when they are allowed to. But I have been involved in youth ministry since I was out of high school. I have seen a lot. I know 18 yo young adults are enthusiastic and energetic and can do a lot of good when they are allowed to, but I also know they need direction and instruction while doing it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I love our youth group, and our youth minister (lay, not ordained, but very experienced and a df of mine), but there's no way I'd ever consent to something like the OP has. It's like the kids get the dregs, y'know? Let's not spend any time or effort on finding a great mentor for the youth, and further, let's not pay him or her a living wage, since it's just "for the youth." :glare: Ours is a godly group of very human kiddos. We have great policies about supervision, and a great mix of fun/bonding activities, service activities, and bible/study/"academic" spiritual activities, all within a context that includes high expectations of behavior, worship, music, prayer, and guidance. I see that's a rarity. Pity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I'm gonna be honest, that sounds like an absolutly awful idea. An 18 year old IS a youth, for crying out loud. I think youth groups in general are a horrible idea. But one run by an 18 year old? No way in the world would my kids be going to it. Youth should be mentored by elders. Elders means OLDER people. Why is it that so many youth groups are run by young singles or young just married couples? That seems like an awful idea. Shouldn't the point of a youth group at a church be to council, direct, lead, and encourage these youth in their walk with Christ? Seems so many youth groups have turned into clubs or cliques. Just my $0.02. :iagree::iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bassoonaroo Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I used to be a bit wary about youth groups (guess I still am) but we're enjoying the one at our church -- though the youth pastor's family is moving in March to do mission work in Africa for a few years. I hate to see them go. An older couple will continue in their stead until we find a replacement. What makes it work is our youth pastor is about 35 or 40 (guessing here...) and genuinely likes the teens. So, he is not the teens' friend as much as he is the parents' friend. He is married to a wonderful lady and they have four children. His children are right under youth age but I know when I talk to him or his dw that he's got the same priorities as we do with regards to movies, music, dating (or not!), etc. The youth group is well run. They DO do something fun now and then like bowling, etc. but for the most part, they are doing real Bible study and digging in deep. His helpers are also mature adults, often parents of the teens who want to lead a Bible study for 3 months or work on a local mission activity here in town, etc. I'm happy that my kids are involved. There is enough adult leadership that kids aren't ever left alone. Things are well planned out and that means that there aren't unplanned moments. Parents (and siblings) are welcome on all outings and at all meetings. The youth group leaders sets the tone of the group and for our group it's a welcoming feel (friends are welcome -- there's always a big pot of soup on Sunday nights...), casual conversation, probing questions, with a demand for respect, modesty, clean mouths, etc. Also, unlike some local youth groups, there's really none of the stupid stuff (hot dog eating contests, etc.) that are a waste of time and money and huge messes. The teens enjoy their time together, whether it's studying the Bible, raking a widow's yard, playing frisbee in the nearby park, etc. The youth pastor has a standard that he always upholds with regards to the teens. If, for example, they are driving up for a ski trip, there's always another adult in the van and the group in the van is not all girls! He mixes it up and invites parents along, etc. He won't put himself in a situation where he is alone with a youth, male or female. Just not worth that bad appearance... So, I went from wary of all groups to liking the one my three teens are in. That said, 18 is too young. A mom at our church is divorcing her husband who was a youth pastor in a different state because... well, because... oh shoot -- you figure it out. He's in prison because of it. And he was older than that and married -- I guess being older and married is no guarantee that that doesn't happen. However, I trust a youth pastor a lot more who is married with kids and doesn't see himself as one of the teens himself. Eighteen and single is a recipe for disaster. The 18 year old simply needs more maturity. Teens need older folks in their lives... Of course they have their parents, but they do enjoy being with other teens, and that needs to be with wise, mature adult supervision. What sort of church would encourage an 18 year old to do this??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luanne Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 her choice, not mine, but I was glad she made that decision. The youth group I went to as a teenager was very good. We always had a good leader and everyone was friendly to everyone (no one was left out). The youth group at the church we were attending when my daughter was a teenager was just like public school. If I am going to take the time to homeschool my daughter, why would I send her to a youth group that behaves just like the public school kids? It didn't make any sense to me. Having an 18 year old in charge ... I don't care how good of a kid he is or how responsible, sounds like a VERY bad idea to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Do we as adults just get more naive as time goes by or something? Do we really have our heads that far up our a$$es? Seriously, 18 yo? Do parents really think their kids care about learning about God in youth group?? (I'm sure a small, VERY small minority really do). I remember what we were doing in youth group when I was a teen. :001_huh: Youth group is a big joke for the most part, IMNSHO. Ok, Kristi said it, and I'm agreeing with it. I grew up in a youth group at a large Nazarene church. I went to church 3 times a week every week. Not ONE time did I look forward to going to youth group because we were learning about the Lord or studying His word. It was all about the games, the boys, the flirting, the friends, the nonsense. I've never once seen a youth group that was any different. Ever. We homechurch now. No such thing as a 'youth group'. Everyone is together, an that's the way it should be, IMNSHO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 At the church we've been attending, youth groups happen in addition to regular regular religious education classes. They are not as structured and offer teens opportunities to take on projects for which there would not be time and energy in the regular class. They also serve a social function, helping our teens develop close friendships and offer each other support. Since most of the kids attending this church may never meet other UUs out in the world, and since they often feel "different," having a tightly knit group of like-minded friends on whom they can rely is, I think, very healthy and helpful. (This would be why I've jumped through the necessary hoops to make it possible for my son to join the church's youth group, even though I am no longer active with the church.) I also think it's great for youth to form close relationships with trustworty adults other than their parents. And I even think it is valuable to have youth group leaders who are on the young side. However, even crazy, liberal little me thinks the idea of an 18-year-old guy leading a youth group on his own is not . . . wise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Seems like the blind leading the blind to me. Or, well, the young leading the young. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Do we as adults just get more naive as time goes by or something? Do we really have our heads that far up our a$$es? Seriously, 18 yo? Do parents really think their kids care about learning about God in youth group?? (I'm sure a small, VERY small minority really do). I remember what we were doing in youth group when I was a teen. :001_huh: Youth group is a big joke for the most part, IMNSHO. No, we don't get more naive. We just get more and more shocked at how naive most of the world is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I like our youth group leader. Actually she is one of my best friends. She is a middle aged mom who knows our faith like the back of her hand and gets along well with the kids. Now that I see how it should be, I"m okay with youth ministry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 There's no way I'd allow my dc to be involved in a youth group with a "leader" who is only 18. Clearly, your parental instincts are intact. The people in charge of making leadership decisions need some talking to. No one his right mind would expect an 18yo young man to have the maturity to lead other children--and yes, they are all children. What young people "need" has not changed. That includes NOT needing someone who is barely out of high school to have leadership authority. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alphabetika Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I agree that 18 seems too young to be a youth group leader, since it's the same age as some high school Seniors. Maybe this is a remarkable young man...but I'd ask some questions about why he was hired, especially if I had a teenage daughter. :iagree: Yes. IMHO, too young. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Whoa. BAD idea. An 18 year old man who is to 'mentor' 9 girls? NOPE. Not on my watch. There's NO WAY my kids would be involved in that. I'm not necessarily against youth groups, but :iagree: with this. Absolutely not and I find it inappropriate that church leadership is okay with this at all. Do we as adults just get more naive as time goes by or something? Do we really have our heads that far up our a$$es? Seriously, 18 yo? Do parents really think their kids care about learning about God in youth group?? (I'm sure a small, VERY small minority really do). I remember what we were doing in youth group when I was a teen. :001_huh: Youth group is a big joke for the most part, IMNSHO. There are good and bad youth groups, just as there are good and bad churches, kwim? Wow--that kinda saddens me to hear. I would say 85% of the kids who come to our youth group also attend weekly life groups, where they plan service projects. They volunteer in our kids area, helping teach preschoolers on Sundays. People in our community are amazed at how much our kids go out to be the hands and feet. Maybe our church is in the minority, but the majority of our students put their words into works. :iagree::iagree: I am impressed all.the.time with the level of service and the humble godly attitudes that the teenagers in my church exhibit. Sometimes I'm embarrassed that I'M not the same! Our youth leader is the same age as me (29) and is amazing, as is his wife. He just overcame a serious bout with leukemia and his testimony will make you want to jump and praise the Lord. I'm sure there is some flirting and such that goes on too, but they ARE teenagers and it happens. Our church also has a Christian school so most of our youth attend school together as well. They are a close knit group and think the youth ministry has helped them all grow spiritually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) Our church invited a young (18) man to intern for the semester as the new youth group leader. The young girls were giddy and giggling. :001_wub: Dh and I feel like old fuddy duddies, but we just aren't too keen on the idea. Are we just way out of touch with what *youth* need, or is it the recipe for disaster? There are two different questions here: 1) What do I think of youth groups and 2) what do I think of an 18 year old youth leader for a mixed gender group? Answer to #1: My husband and I are both theologically conservative Christians heavily involved in discipleship of our sons, but we are very grateful for other people in the body who mentor our sons as well, including youth group leaders. Being in a youth group has contributed to the spiritual growth of all our sons, and has given them a peer group of other kids with the same spiritual goals they have. Our youth group leader is in his 30s and very spiritually mature. My guys love him and he is a wonderful example to them in addition to their father of a man walking with Christ. Yea for well-run youth groups! Answer to #2: Age 18 is way too young to be in charge of the mentoring of girls within his dating range. Let's say that we are 100% sure he is mature enough not to fall into temptation and to keep appropriate romance boundaries with the girls. They are going to be "in love" even if he is able to handle any overt temptation. And that will also create other dynamics with the guys in the group. Honestly, even if he is exceptional, I think 18 year olds are really too young to mentor others their own age in their own gender, but to be in charge of a mixed gender youth group is pushing the bounds of putting temptation right out there for everyone in youth group. It might work if they also hire a female to mentor the girls. No way do I think it's a good idea to hire him to oversee the spiritual welfare of the girls. I am pretty sure our youth minister would not allow an 18 year old college student to even be a youth volunteer for the high school; I think that person would need to work with the middle school to create some age difference. That is with several adult (young adults through grandparent age) volunteers present. Written as the mother of spiritually mature 19 year old and 17 year old sons. Edited February 13, 2012 by Laurie4b Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TGHEALTHYMOM Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I would not allow that for our children. We had a 20 something Youth leader for about 2 years, and he always had an adult with him ( at least 1). But I still question some of the things taught or incidences he did not handle or ignored. :iagree: Go with your gut! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 There are two different questions here: 1) What do I think of youth groups and 2) what do I think of an 18 year old youth leader for a mixed gender group? Answer to #1: My husband and I are both theologically conservative Christians heavily involved in discipleship of our sons, but we are very grateful for other people in the body who mentor our sons as well, including youth group leaders. Being in a youth group has contributed to the spiritual growth of all our sons, and has given them a peer group of other kids with the same spiritual goals they have. Our youth group leader is in his 30s and very spiritually mature. My guys love him and he is a wonderful example to them in addition to their father of a man walking with Christ. Yea for well-run youth groups! Answer to #2: Age 18 is way too young to be in charge of the mentoring of girls within his dating range. Let's say that we are 100% sure he is mature enough not to fall into temptation and to keep appropriate romance boundaries with the girls. They are going to be "in love" even if he is able to handle any overt temptation. And that will also create other dynamics with the guys in the group. Honestly, even if he is exceptional, I think 18 year olds are really too young to mentor others their own age in their own gender, but to be in charge of a mixed gender youth group is pushing the bounds of putting temptation right out there for everyone in youth group. It might work if they also hire a female to mentor the girls. No way do I think it's a good idea to hire him to oversee the spiritual welfare of the girls. I am pretty sure our youth minister would not allow an 18 year old college student to even be a youth volunteer for the high school; I think that person would need to work with the middle school to create some age difference. That is with several adult (young adults through grandparent age) volunteers present. Written as the mother of spiritually mature 19 year old and 17 year old sons. I agree with all of this. Our youth pastor is 47 and the father of a college student. The interns in our youth group are married couples. No single men would be allowed to work with our youth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 It was one of this "luke warm" liberal churches. The youth pastor, though, was on fire. It wasn't a large group, but there was a split (maybe 50/50?) of kids who were from congregation families and kids like me who had parents who didn't go to church but found our way there through our friends. It was an incredible experience. Lots of the silly nonsense too, but that was fun. The pastor was unapologetic in proclaiming the gospel, but that is not why most of us first started attending. I'm sure we all had our reasons. The cute boys were a factor for me:) About five years ago, we had a reunion (at my house!) of kids who attended that youth group in the 80s. The pastor came up from Mississippi. Many of us gathered from all over. There were a lot of missionaries, a few pastors, Moms, teachers, bankers, doctors - so many people who counted their years of serving the Lord from that youth group experience. Many were in full time ministry, many others just living as laymen, but so many people who had become Christians through this ministry. I think for the pastor, it must have been gratifying. I am not posting this to argue with you - if you don't want your kids to go to youth group, don't send them. But I am posting this so that anyone who is involved in youth ministry will read something encouraging instead of just the negative stuff. I believe God uses people who want to serve him, and he used this pastor to build his kingdom, and it was (and is) a *beautiful* thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I think 18 is too young... we have many high school seniors who are 18 before they graduate. Our youth leader is about 26. He can relate well to the kids, yet is old enough for them to respect him as a "real" adult. I have yet to see it work when the youth director was in their parents age group... I don't see a youth group as taking away my responsibility in training my children up, but as a place to go for Christian fellowship with their peers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NancyNellen Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I guess I come at this from a different perspective, as our church has a great, extremely well-run youth group. I see it as a nice way for the church to come alongside us, the parents, and reinforce what we are teaching at home. Our church has a large seminary on campus, and the high school program is staffed by seminary students and their wives, as well as older couples from our church, and many parents. The girls sit on one side and the boys on the other for the main teaching time. Then they break out into small groups, again girls with two female leaders per group, and boys with 2 male leaders per group. Each group has 10-12 kids. The teaching is solid, they read fantastic books (Bridges, Piper, Ryle, MacArthur) and discuss them. It is heady...and a great way to foster godly friendships. The parents are encouraged to attend with their children whenever they wish to...and many do. I guess I just want to say that not EVERY youth group is evil. (You might assume that reading this thread.) There are some that actually have the spiritual interests of the child at heart. And there are many parents who, in allowing their children to participate, are not "abdicating" their parental rights or side-stepping their duties. They are thankful, instead, for the godly influences of other believers in their children's lives. (Disclaimer: I am SURE there are not-so-great, and maybe even downright AWFUL youth groups out there, but let's not throw that baby out with the bathwater :-) That said, I would NOT allow my daughters to attend a youth group led solely by an 18-year old boy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rivka Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 None of our religious education classes, including the youth group, have only one leader. Any time you get a group of kids together at our church, you need a minimum of two adults in the room. We do have some younger youth advisers, but they're closer to 25 than 18. And they're always part of a larger leadership team. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NancyNellen Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Do we as adults just get more naive as time goes by or something? Do we really have our heads that far up our a$$es? Seriously, 18 yo? Do parents really think their kids care about learning about God in youth group?? (I'm sure a small, VERY small minority really do). I remember what we were doing in youth group when I was a teen. :001_huh: Youth group is a big joke for the most part, IMNSHO. Honestly, I think the quality of the youth group will always mirror the quality of the church. Where there is Biblical integrity and a sincere desire to serve the Lord and bring Him glory in the teaching of His Word and shepherding the brethren, there will be Biblical integrity and a desire to serve and honor Him in the youth ministry. When that is not the case for the leadership and the teaching of the church, well... Of course not all of the kids in my children's groups are saved and there to bring glory to God, but I can say that the majority of them seem to be...at least there is very, very little inappropriate behavior. (Also, I would add that not all parents who attend church are there to learn about God, but that's another story :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paintedlady Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I'm not crazy about youth groups in general and I certainly wouldn't go for a single, 18 year old leader. No way! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I became a Christian because of my young, unmarried, youth minister. He was awesome! I think it totally depends on the minister and the church ~ being young and unmarried doesn't mean they're not right for the job. That said, 18 and doing it alone does seem too young. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 So, I'm not exactly a fan. The scenario described by the OP is particularly troubling... :iagree: The age factor concerns me -- as the Youth Pastor/Intern. But then, I've never understood Youth Groups as I was not raised in the church, so to speak. I've tried bringing my son to a Youth Group meeting but was so put off by the Youth Pastor more concerned about drawing in large #'s of kids, be too pop culture centric with his message, or be materialistic with prizes like iPad raffle for the kid who brings in the most visitors in 2 months. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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