Rosy Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I'm so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I'm so, so sorry. So sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silliness7 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in OK Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 :grouphug: I am so sorry. I haven't read all of the replies to your question about your dds so my apologies if this is a repeated suggestion. When I had my m/c my girls were around 4 and 2. To the older one we just said that we thought a baby was coming but we were wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelissaMinNC Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 (((HUGS))) and prayers for you. I'm so sorry for your loss. I really have no advice on what to tell your littles, but I do know what you're going through and it's so heartbreaking. Many, many ((HUGS)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 You'll be in my prayers. I am so sorry for your loss. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I'm so sorry. DD was 4yrs when I miscarried. I was honest and said something like the following: Sometimes the baby stops growing because something was wrong with it. It's very sad, but it's better than the baby growing up and then being very sick and hurting when it's born. I guess pretty much what you try to tell yourself, in this situation :-( Unfortunately dd also witnessed some very graphic aspects of miscarriage (we were travelling without dh at the time) so she did get to understand how the miscarriage actually happens, but I would not mention that unless specifically asked. If I was, I would be matter of fact about that, too. But I always believe that truth, presented in an age appropriate way is the best approach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I am so sorry. :grouphug: I have had 2 m/c and my kids were all old enough to understand that there was a baby and that they died. The first time it was hard. The second time (within 5 months of each other) devestated all of us. We were honest. I cried a lot and they cried too. They had a lot of questions and since we were open from the beginning about it, they felt comfortable asking anything. When I became pregnant with my now 11 month old, my (at the time) youngest child, always just assumed, up unitl we had him that he would die. Made me sad but it was a realistic consequence of them having lived through 2 in their young life. It has made them more understanding and compassionate when they have heard of others m/c. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 I am so sorry. :grouphug: I have had 2 m/c and my kids were all old enough to understand that there was a baby and that they died. The first time it was hard. The second time (within 5 months of each other) devestated all of us. We were honest. I cried a lot and they cried too. They had a lot of questions and since we were open from the beginning about it, they felt comfortable asking anything. When I became pregnant with my now 11 month old, my (at the time) youngest child, always just assumed, up unitl we had him that he would die. Made me sad but it was a realistic consequence of them having lived through 2 in their young life. It has made them more understanding and compassionate when they have heard of others m/c. One of my closest's friend's ds7 looked at me and said, "Miscarriage sucks!" I thought my friend was going to die, but I really appreciated his brutal honesty. I mean, at 7, he knew that and verbalized it, to me. I mean, really, it does, doesn't it?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I'm so sad for your family.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 One of my closest's friend's ds7 looked at me and said, "Miscarriage sucks!" I thought my friend was going to die, but I really appreciated his brutal honesty. I mean, at 7, he knew that and verbalized it, to me. I mean, really, it does, doesn't it?? It really, really does. :crying: I would have loved that brutal honesty too. I hated that some people (friends) who KNEW just never said anything at all. Gotta love a kid who can get right to the heart of it and well..IMO that was touching what he said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 One of my closest's friend's ds7 looked at me and said, "Miscarriage sucks!" I thought my friend was going to die, but I really appreciated his brutal honesty. I mean, at 7, he knew that and verbalized it, to me. I mean, really, it does, doesn't it?? Yes- it does. :grouphug: I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 :grouphug: So sad for you and yours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlbuchina Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 :grouphug: So sorry. I would just tell them the truth whenever you feel like you can tell them without crying. I agree with this, but I would also say that it is ok for them to see you cry. They will be morning the loss, as will you, and y'all can all hug and love on each other. I'm so sorry for your loss. :grouphug: Take care of that migraine, lock yourself up in your room, and ball your eyes out. You can talk to them tomorrow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah C. Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 when that truth is delivered is another matter. I might let my DH tell them, and at that time, he can tell them how sad Mommy but without scaring them with tears. I am so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 :grouphug: I am so sorry for your loss.:grouphug: Faithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmericanMom Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 It really, really does. :crying: I would have loved that brutal honesty too. I hated that some people (friends) who KNEW just never said anything at all. Gotta love a kid who can get right to the heart of it and well..IMO that was touching what he said. :iagree: I hated it when people didn't acknowledge that something happened. I was grieving, and for people to act like nothing happened really hurt. One thing that helped me was A Grief Observed by CS Lewis. Mostly the part where he talked about people not knowing what to say to him, and when people sort of stumbled out condolences it was awkward, but that was much better than those who acted like nothing was happening. He said he felt almost like he hated them for it. That was how I felt, too, and it made me feel not so alone. I knew I shouldn't be, but I was angry. I used to silently scream, "My baby died! How can you act like nothing happened!" :grouphug: Praying for you again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama2cntrykids Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 BIG :grouphug:!! You have EVERY right to grieve. You take your time to collect yourself and rest. I would be brief and honest with the girls. Answer any questions to the best of your ability, but keep it simple. I'm so sorry about your heartbreaking loss:grouphug:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I'm very sorry :grouphug:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BatmansWife Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I'm so sorry sweetie. Big :grouphug: :grouphug: to you. I wish I had something wise and comforting to say. :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I don't have any advice, but I'm so sorry for your loss :grouphug: I like the idea of your DH telling them, if he thinks he could manage it. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 :grouphug: I'm sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I am so sorry. :( I had an ectopic over the summer and yeah it sucks. It's still hard sometimes. I should've been due next month. It's just not fair that we should have to go through things like this. :grouphug: I actually like your dad's idea for such young kids but can certainly understand if you don't want to tell them that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 :iagree:I hated it when people didn't acknowledge that something happened. I was grieving, and for people to act like nothing happened really hurt. One thing that helped me was A Grief Observed by CS Lewis. Mostly the part where he talked about people not knowing what to say to him, and when people sort of stumbled out condolences it was awkward, but that was much better than those who acted like nothing was happening. He said he felt almost like he hated them for it. That was how I felt, too, and it made me feel not so alone. I knew I shouldn't be, but I was angry. I used to silently scream, "My baby died! How can you act like nothing happened!" :grouphug: Praying for you again. Yes! This. I always encourage my husband to say something to women who are our friends. Even just something as simple as sorry. It's an acknowledgement. I hate when our friends, husband or wife say nothing. It comes across like they don't care even if they do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kolamum Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I am SO sorry. It's hard, and I agree nothing is better then hiding and crying, if only Mammas could. :grouphug: When this happened to us and we had a 4 year old I simply told them both, after I was able to speak about it without crying instantly, I just explained, as best I could, that the baby had died and wouldn't be coming. It didn't frighten or scare them, but it did make them curious. The child would ask every now and again for all most a year about it. "Was the baby better yet and coming now?" Even five years later he still asks when I'm going to have another baby. It breaks my heart because since that miscarriage we've had nothing but infertility which breaks my heart just about as deeply. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CanaryMelody Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 :grouphug: I'm so sorry for your loss. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenL Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 No further advice, just lots of :grouphug:. I am so very sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmMusa Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I'm sorry for your loss. Tell the kids in a couple of days if you want. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I am sorry. I wish I could say something more adequate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 :grouphug:s to you, wish I had the right words. Give yourself a little time if you need to, before telling the other children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I'm both sorry and angry for your loss. Everything in me screams "UNFAIR!!!" and my heart is aching for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I'm so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheApprentice Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 :grouphug: I'm sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 :grouphug: I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I'm so sorry for your loss. :grouphug: Take care of yourself and your own initial grieving process first, and then tell the little ones. As for what to tell them, I agree with previous posters that kids are remarkably resilient and can handle the truth. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I am so incredibly sorry. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaSheep Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I'm so very sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherMayI Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 :grouphug: I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
serene Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I am trying to pretend that everything is Ok and that I am not devastated. But I basically want to hide and cry. Please take care of yourself, emotionally & physically. Hide & cry when you need to, and rest, lots of rest. :grouphug: All I can think of is - "There isn't going to be a baby. I'm sorry you are disappointed." And hug them bunches and bunches because that is what I want to do anyway. But I am not prepared to answer questions. Maybe tell them with your husband, and let him answer the questions. I also don't think it's a bad thing for them to see your tears (or his). This is a very sad event; grief is, unfortunately, a real part of life. I have a migraine creeping in and I desperately want to hide under my pillow and bawl.QUOTE] I will wait until I can speak about it without crying (can't even type about it, I am tears right now, hidden in my room) and then let dh handle the questions. I am just so sorry for your loss. I'm praying you'll experience healing & peace. Blessings to you & your family. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denise in IN Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 :grouphug: I'm so sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alpidarkomama Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 My kids were the same age, more or less. I just hugged them and said that we were all feeling really sad because the baby in my tummy wasn't going to grow any more. It just wasn't meant to be. I would definitely tell them the truth. They can surely handle it. The only thing I would add is maybe to say that "we" rather than "you" are disappointed. You are all sharing the same feelings and sadness. Oh, so sad, and I can so empathize with what you're going through. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patches Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 No advice, but hugs and prayers. I'm so so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I'm so very sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Down_the_Rabbit_Hole Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hilltop Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I am so sorry for your loss. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duckabell Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I am so sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I'm sorry for your loss :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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