So they really do that in middle school and high school?!

[Daisy]

I've been substitute teaching several times/week in grades 3-12 in my local school system for the past year and I DON'T see or hear of anything like what you are talking about. If it's happening, it's not done in school or on the buses.

 

What you heard may be true, but it's not true for the majority of schools.

 

My husband didn't see it as a teacher either. Maybe the kids are smarter than that. He definitely saw it as a school counselor though.

[Jean in Newcastle]

My jaw just dropped. Teachers selling to students??? I cannot even comprehend that. I mean... what???

 

I am very sheltered, I guess. I was in middle/high school in the late 80s/early 90s and was COMPLETELY unaware of anything. Well, I did have a good friend lose her virginity at theater practice. Besides that, I saw/knew nothing. However, I was a Christian goody-two-shoes... the kind of girl people didn't tell things to. I'm shocked and saddened by this thread. :(

 

When I was in 9th grade (in the 70's), I walked into the art storeroom to get some supplies and interrupted the art teacher selling to one of the teens. I was threatened that if I wanted to live a long life that I would not say a word. I didn't. (Until I anonymously announced it to the whole world on the internet.;))

 

I'm not shocked at reports. Yes, it's been going on in some form for a long time. Yes, it's only a percentage of any student body and yes, probably there are some student bodies who don't have any of one particular vice but I would be fairly surprised if there is a student body (even a private Christian school) that didn't have at least one student with at least one of these vices). While some kids in some schools flaunt it because the teachers have lost all control and this is one way to rub their noses in it, I'm sure that in most schools it is not advertised unless you knew where to look.

Edited January 8, 2012 by Jean in Newcastle

[T'smom]

I, too, only have small kids. But I know that was going on in my high school. I wasn't doing it, but I certainly knew it was happening. What I knew about specifically was in the bus on band trips and in the instrument room adjacent to the music room. I seriously doubt any adults knew what was going on. My worldview completely shifted when I became a mom- I am now shocked by what seemed commonplace as a teen.

We had frequent band trips that involved an hour or longer on the bus. Everyone came loaded with pillows and blankets, etc. Even the kids not doing anything. But those blankets certainly make it easy to do whatever you want. There was always only one adult/bus and they always sat in the front seat and never even looked back. The music room was empty as both the band director and choir director went to other schools in the afternoon. It was usually left unlocked. It was referred to as the "whorehouse".

My mom was a substitute teacher. She had NO IDEA what was going on. None. We had a convo a couple years ago about how my whole worldview shifted when I became a mom and I mentioned things that didn't used to shock me and now do......and she couldn't believe that I hadn't told her these things. It never really occurred to me to do that.

It's not like you walk down the hall and see kids doing it up against the lockers. They're trying to hide it.

[wonderchica]

But you just said that there was oral sex on your bus?

 

 

 

My point was that it was very limited when I was in school. Yes, it happened, but it was rare. When something happened it was a very big deal.

[Mama2Many4]

My daughter goes to a high school many of you would think "scary"

 

There are no sex acts in the hallways, no kids doing crack or meth out on the football field. In fact, I find her high school rather banal compared to my 1978-83 Atlanta all white suburban high school, where teachers got caught having sex with the students, and drugs were common. Shoot, the private schools were even worse back then.

 

There are a lot of reasons to dislike brick & mortar schools (public & private) but the sex in the hallways/drug stuff is really rather overblown. Then again, we all know it's more fun to gossip about sex and drugs vs. school teacher standards and educational curriculum.

 

 

Actually it's not. My nieces tell me everything and these are some of them.

[Laura in MI]

At our local highschool there are people who make out in the halls, smoke in bathrooms (or outside off of school property on a side street), a couple kids have brought alcohol in the school and there are several people pregnant. But that's definitely not the whole school, not even the majority! It all depends on who you hang out with.

[MBM]

My jaw just dropped. Teachers selling to students??? I cannot even comprehend that. I mean... what???

 

I am very sheltered, I guess. I was in middle/high school in the late 80s/early 90s and was COMPLETELY unaware of anything. Well, I did have a good friend lose her virginity at theater practice. Besides that, I saw/knew nothing. However, I was a Christian goody-two-shoes... the kind of girl people didn't tell things to. I'm shocked and saddened by this thread. :(

 

 

In our suburb, we've had two incidents in which nurses were found selling prescription drugs. One doctor was providing drugs in exchange for sex with a teen (he's in jail now). All kinds of people with access to drugs resell them to students. Shocking but it happens.

 

************

 

A school providing a daycare or breasfeeding room is attempting to keep young mothers in school who might otherwise leave and not graduate. I think that's a very nice and wise thing to do. Of course, it's best not to get pregnant in the first place, but the school can't monitor a student 24 hours per day and is a poor substitute for a parent. Yes, schools should do their best to ensure it's not happening during school hours, but kids will still get pregnant out of school.

 

[Tarreymere]

I graduated from high school in 1982 and I remember being horrified in seventh grade when it became apparent that a girl at the next table in the cafeteria was giving oral sex to a boy there. I had never even heard of such a thing before then. I can say it wasn't the best intro to human sexuality.

 

So we had sex and drugs in schools even back in my day. Just because it is some kind of tradition doesn't mean it is okay. I'd prefer my kids not be exposed to that, thank you.

[5kidsforME]

I would have assumed the breastfeeding room was for teachers, but then I've never sent my kid to school. I don't think anything should surprise me, though.

 

My sister graduated with a girl that had 4 children. I was in my 8th grade homeroom class with girls that cried when they got their period because they weren't pregnant.

 

Nothing surpises me.

Edited January 8, 2012 by Momto4kids

[jamajo]

So true, myeightkiddies.

 

I wanted to come back and add that none of us are truly protecting our kids from this influence by homeschooling unless we practically lock them up and never let them out of our sight (which I, for one, am not willing to do to teens).

 

I believe in a way we are protecting them. My kids don't have to be touched by the peer pressure to fit in with those who are doing these things. They know what's out there. We look at the news together so they aren't oblivious to society's ills but they don't have to be subjected to it day in and day out at such an impressionable age. It's not appropriate to be exposed to these things in middle or high school IMO, especially in isolation. Teenage behavior is evident in TV shows as well but at least mom and dad are around to discuss the issues that come up in these shows. We help to filter the messages. The maturity to handle these situations is more appropriate in college. We all know what goes on on college campuses but it is a better environment to pick and choose your crowd and not be so affected by the "clique -ishness" of mid/high school. Kids have had a chance to develop their identity under the watchful eyes of their parents.

 

We've seen all of these problems in churches as well as homeschool support groups. Lots of people go to church or start homeschooling to help their children deal with these issues. Lots of people are totally blind to what their own kids are involved in. Some "good" kids are good actors, while introducing all the other kids to unspeakable acts and ideas.

 

I was shocked when church personnel told me they have caught teenagers in the upstairs part of the church having sex. :001_huh: This has truly blown me away!

 

By homeschooling this environment is less in our kids' faces, and they are possibly less distracted by it, but they are being raised in the same

society.

:iagree: but it's what makes ALL the difference.

 

 

They deserve information and discussion (and listening) from their parents, just as away-schooled kids do.

 

:iagree:

Edited January 8, 2012 by jamajo

[mom2scouts]

I've become more worried about what the teachers are doing. One of our middle school teachers was fired because he was soliciting sex online with middle school age girls. In a neighboring district, a teacher was having sex with a student. Yesterday there was a local news story about a coach that was having her runners drink egg nog and then running until they threw up. My friend works in the middle school and she tells me that I don't really even want to know what the kids are talking about.:001_huh:

[In the Rain]

:001_huh:Wow! It is overwhelming to read how many of you say this is happening in your area.

[petepie2]

I'm sure what kids see/hear at school will to some extent depend on their circle of friends. I had a rather small group of friends throughout jr high and high school, and I never witnessed any crude acts in the hallway or anywhere else, in school or out of school. Of course, I occasionally heard about certain things, but it was all very far removed from me. I was never even offered alcohol in school. Now that I'm on facebook, I occasionally see old classmates reminiscing about their drinking parties. Who knew?! The first time, and only time, someone offered me marijuana was when I was in grad school. I'm sure I'm the exception rather than the rule. My point is that it is possible to be clueless about what's going on. I just had no interest in doing illegal or stupid things, and I chose friends who felt the same way. Of course, that was over 20 years ago....

[MHowell]

A school providing a daycare or breasfeeding room is attempting to keep young mothers in school who might otherwise leave and not graduate. I think that's a very nice and wise thing to do. Of course, it's best not to get pregnant in the first place, but the school can't monitor a student 24 hours per day and is a poor substitute for a parent. Yes, schools should do their best to ensure it's not happening during school hours, but kids will still get pregnant out of school.

 

 

I have no problem with the school having space for mothers to breastfeed. I was on the board that approved the use. However it did/does still shock me that we needed a ROOM, as in a place where this year, 10 (YES TEN!!) girls under the age of 14 needed a private area to pump or feed infants brought on campus. I've heard rumors of misconduct going on in this room while 'in use', that are currently being investigated. While the girls are in there we (as in staff, volunteer etc) cannot enter without permission. And if we do enter the door must stay open since we cannot be in there alone.. It's a mess.

 

This is also a small campus in need of many repairs. The classroom used was the room the choir practiced in. Now they use the gym before basketball or other sports. Knowing that there's issues with these girls misbehaving in the room I admit I am ticked that I approved it, there was a smaller, less comfortable option available that I voted against because I still remember what it is like to pump. If you're not comfortable you don't seem to produce as much, making it more likely that you quit. I didn't want that- but I didn't want this either. Talk about a no win!

 

Back to the subject-

 

I think most of us agree that it does happen. The frequency may change in different areas, but there are always kids doing it.

[momsuz123]

I believe in a way we are protecting them. My kids don't have to be touched by the peer pressure to fit in with those who are doing these things. They know what's out there. We look at the news together so they aren't oblivious to society's ills but they don't have to be subjected to it day in and day out at such an impressionable age. It's not appropriate to be exposed to these things in middle or high school IMO, especially in isolation. Teenage behavior is evident in TV shows as well but at least mom and dad are around to discuss the issues that come up in these shows. We help to filter the messages. The maturity to handle these situations is more appropriate in college. We all know what goes on on college campuses but it is a better environment to pick and choose your crowd and not be so affected by the "clique -ishness" of mid/high school. Kids have had a chance to develop their identity under the watchful eyes of their parents.

 

 

 

I was shocked when church personnel told me they have caught teenagers in the upstairs part of the church having sex. :001_huh: This has truly blown me away!

 

 

:iagree: but it's what makes ALL the difference.

 

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

Jamajo: I wish I had a way with words like you. I am homeschooling this year because I have to for my own reasons. Who knows what I will be doing when my kiddos are in high school. I hope I can homeschool all the way, but I may not, who knows - but my main reason is not to "shelter" them.

Part of the reason I asked you all is that I was that "good kid" in school. I never smoked, never drank, didn't even know kids were having sex - I sure wasn't. I didn't really even know what oral sex was - I heard of it, but that was about it. I literally knew nothing. But then BAM, I went away to college and holy cow! I do want to have discussions with my kids, explain "stuff" to them and educate them in the right away without all the peer pressure etc. I don't want them going of to college and being as naive as I was (and I guess still am).

[readinmom]

Some yes, some no. Even the best schools have these types of issues sometimes. I went from teaching in a K-12 Christian school to public high school, and problems in both involved drugs, sex, etc.

 

When I had my first supervision duty in ps, I had to monitor the front drop off area, which included the school dumpsters. They told me to make sure to check underneath for students. I was thinking, oh, kids are sleeping on campus because their home life is so bad. Then they told me, no, this is where kids like to "hook up". Ugh... There is possibly no story you could tell me now that would surprise me.

 

I've seen both good and bad while in ps. There is always going to be that one situation that leaves us shaking our heads. Just because it is a good school does not equate it to a good environment. All we can do is continue to do the best for our own dc.

[mytwomonkeys]

wow. my mouth is on the floor. i don't think any of that is prevalent in our small town, but i guess i could be totally wrong. i am shocked though. i had no idea we were that sheltered from it all.

[celticmom]

My mother is a retired teacher who taught at an inner city elementary school. The school only went to fifth grade and they had at least one pregnant student most years. One year my mother taught third grade and strongly suspected a prostitution ring of some sort with the members students. She did not have enough proof to take to police or the administration just her own suspicions. She also believes that one of her third grade students had a pregnancy terminated.

 

I was very sheltered and even I knew where the makeout ares were at the first high school I went to.

[mytwomonkeys]

Very good point. We've seen some related behaviors at our local church youth groups and homeschool co-op. Co-op was the place my Ds learned firsthand about bullying by being hazed in the bathroom when he was 6 yrs old.

 

we had a similar experience. my son was literally pushed into a closet in the men's bathroom and the door held shut when he was at awana (by another child who thought it was funny). when my husband and i found out about it, we were livid!! my little boy was only 6 years old. it terrified him.

[jamajo]

Jamajo: I wish I had a way with words like you. I am homeschooling this year because I have to for my own reasons. Who knows what I will be doing when my kiddos are in high school. I hope I can homeschool all the way, but I may not, who knows - but my main reason is not to "shelter" them.

Part of the reason I asked you all is that I was that "good kid" in school. I never smoked, never drank, didn't even know kids were having sex - I sure wasn't. I didn't really even know what oral sex was - I heard of it, but that was about it. I literally knew nothing. But then BAM, I went away to college and holy cow! I do want to have discussions with my kids, explain "stuff" to them and educate them in the right away without all the peer pressure etc. I don't want them going of to college and being as naive as I was (and I guess still am).

 

 

I was that good kid too. Grew up in church and I was naive. In college, I chose friends like me. We partied but we weren't into a lot of stuff that others were in to. We matured more in the last two years of school and had bible studies with kids who were interested in that type of thing. So that's my point. I chose to stay away from the chaos b/c of my upbringing. But every kid is different. You can do all the right things and still have a kid walk right into the fire. But at 18 that is their "grown up" choice. Under 18, I'm responsible so I will stick with the "shelter" mentality with supervised access to outside influences - short leash.:D

[momsuz123]

I was that good kid too. Grew up in church and I was naive. In college, I chose friends like me. We partied but we weren't into a lot of stuff that others were in to. We matured more in the last two years of school and had bible studies with kids who were interested in that type of thing. So that's my point. I chose to stay away from the chaos b/c of my upbringing. But every kid is different. You can do all the right things and still have a kid walk right into the fire. But at 18 that is their "grown up" choice. Under 18, I'm responsible so I will stick with the "shelter" mentality with supervised access to outside influences - short leash.:D

Well said, again. I peeked at your blog - love it, I am trying to start a new one too. Your profile fits me almost to a tee (I haven't been homeschooling as long as you) Thanks for your input. I have learned much from this discussion, and that is all I wanted to know. I will just have to have my radar up to be more aware of what is going on in the community, etc. Thanks all.

[Tarreymere]

Well, if my kids are going to encounter this stuff I would rather they encounter it after they turn eighteen and go off to college.

 

By the time I went to college I was in my late twenties and while I had never heard of prescription drug abuse or some of the other stuff that went on I sure was old enough to know how stupid it was. I don't think that it is 'naive' to not know a lot of specifics about depravity, even now I am not interested in learning exactly how low some folks can sink. I think all anyone needs to know is that there are some people who do somethings that are really stupid.

[Heather in Neverland]

I just got off the phone with my BFF who still works at the high school in Detroit that I left. Just this past week she walked into the bathroom and caught a girl performing oral sex on a boy.

 

When I was there it happened frequently. I caught some kids having a threesome underneath the bleachers in the gym. I took a sawed-off shotgun away from a 7th grader. I have broken up more fights than I can count including putting kids in a headlock. One of my students shot and killed another one of my students at a football game. One of my students threw her desk out the window smashing glass everywhere. I've been threatened by gang members and I have been assaulted by students.

 

yes it really is that bad.

 

 

 

.

[Trish]

I was at work today listening to some of the nurses tell about what is happening in middle and high school. We live in an area that is "supposed to have good schools". I homeschool. Oral sex in the hallways and on the bus?! Texting eachother for different prescription drugs?! It went on and on. I just must have looked stunned because they both looked at me and said "sorry, this is what you get to look forward to...". I then added I started homeschooling this year - they both said they wished they could. I knew that kids at my kids school in second grade were using bananas at lunch to explain about sex and all....

Is is really this bad? I guess it is. Maybe I do need to look at homeschooling all the way. I am taking it a year at a time, but hoping to go all the way through - now I have more incentive to go all the way through.

 

I recently was in a discussion that included a couple of middle school teachers, and heard similar from them. I asked if they were exaggerating and they said no.

[Trish]

She didn't call you an idiot. She didn't even insinuate that.

 

I caught the insinuation, myself. I mean, it's not only ALL schools, but ALL kids at all schools. Heh. :glare:

[ForeverFamily]

My mother is a retired teacher who taught at an inner city elementary school. The school only went to fifth grade and they had at least one pregnant student most years. One year my mother taught third grade and strongly suspected a prostitution ring of some sort with the members students. She did not have enough proof to take to police or the administration just her own suspicions. She also believes that one of her third grade students had a pregnancy terminated.

 

I was very sheltered and even I knew where the makeout ares were at the first high school I went to.

 

I have no words! I was shocked when I read this post. That absolutely breaks my heart.:sad:

 

Both my Dh and I were reading through some of the posts on this thread and we were both shocked. I was one of those kids that while in Jr. High and High School was mostly unaware that any of this stuff was going on. The most unpleasant info I got on the topic came from my drama class and that was too much for me. I dropped out of that class pretty quickly. It makes me so sad what the world has become. Thank you all for sharing. It is threads like this that make me glad that we are HSing our kiddos.

[MBM]

Our school experience has been nothing like what many of you have experienced. My eldest, who works as an electrical engineer, will be 28, so it's not like I'm a new, naive mother. We've dealt with the schools in our area, and all I can say is that I've been happy with them for the most part.

[MBM]

I caught the insinuation, myself. I mean, it's not only ALL schools, but ALL kids at all schools. Heh. :glare:

 

I am not sure what you mean.

[Margaret in GA]

Some yes, some no. Even the best schools have these types of issues sometimes. I went from teaching in a K-12 Christian school to public high school, and problems in both involved drugs, sex, etc.

 

When I had my first supervision duty in ps, I had to monitor the front drop off area, which included the school dumpsters. They told me to make sure to check underneath for students. I was thinking, oh, kids are sleeping on campus because their home life is so bad. Then they told me, no, this is where kids like to "hook up". Ugh... There is possibly no story you could tell me now that would surprise me.

 

I've seen both good and bad while in ps. There is always going to be that one situation that leaves us shaking our heads. Just because it is a good school does not equate it to a good environment. All we can do is continue to do the best for our own dc.

Exactly what I was going to post. I have a friend with kids at a Christian school that has had all these issues. Ok, not a designated bf room, but there are kids at school that have been caught having sex and with drugs *on campus*. And I know a kid who had a s*xual interaction at youth group.

 

I'm big on protection. I'm also big on discussion. You have to talk to your kids all the time so that they know where you stand on this nonsense. Also, don assume your child is naive and innocent.

 

Margaret

[Trish]

I am not sure what you mean.

 

Well, why would it be necessary to explain it isn't "all schools" or that kids DO have similar behavior in unsupervised situations? That seems rather obvious unless OP is some big (insinuated) Not Very Bright Person.

 

It doesn't surprise me that kids are having sex in unsupervised situations, or in their own homes. It DOES surprise me that they are doing it in the schools, bathrooms, buses etc. (No I don't mean ALL schools, bathrooms and buses) And that they are doing this in the middle school grades.

 

;)

[momsuz123]

Unless the OP is living in an neighborhood where community has completely broken down and the schools aren't integrating students from functioning communties, it is likely that the OP is trying to use the availability heuristic or the red car phenomenon to justify a personal decision to withdraw from the local community.

 

I'm with Rainefox. I want my kids to know about stupid people, especially those with charisma, before they get to college. I want them to think for themselves before they act and to understand bias. I want them to know the signs of mental illness and of abuse. Youth group and school have plenty of opportunity to interact with these people and figure out their deal as well as how to react to it. That translates into adults who can be proactive.

 

I'm not too happy about the increased school tax to deal with dysfunctional families, but it is better than the town being overrun with delinquents.

 

 

Excuse me for this, but I have no clue what you are talking about. I live in a upper/middle class neighborhood. Supposed to be "blue ribbon schools". Did you read what I asked? It was a question, that's all. This is not a homeschooling vs afterschooling question. My kids have been in ps up until one had health issues, period. I had to turn to hsing. I love it, but am going to take it a year at a time. I am extremely involved in our community - did you read the post about meeting with the superintendent? I was extremely involved in my kids school when they were there. Really, my kids are so young - life changes fast. I have no idea what will be doing once they reach high school. Have you read the posts? This is not one isolated incidence. I want my kids to know about stupid people too, but am not going to throw them to the wolves if the school I choose happens to have some major problems. When I hear that some schools have almost none of these problems, it gives me hope to know I don't have to settle. I will say one thing about our area. It does seem that the schools are having some huge discipline problems. A friend of mine who went to an inner city school said that "out here" they don't know how to discipline - but they better start. I really don't know where you are going with your post - I hope I didn't read into it wrong.

[J-rap]

My kids have been involved in the ps school system to at least some extent for years. I know most of the teachers and most of the kids as well. My children have grown up to be quite street-savvy (for numerous reasons) and entrenched in lots of ps activities because of their interests and what is available in our community. We discuss a lot of things as a family, including things that go on "secretly" in school -- in the locker room, in unsupervised halls, at homes when parents are gone. My conclusion: this is a gem of a community, and my kids are really lucky to be living here. Sure, there is drugs, sex, bullying, etc. BUT, my own high school experience (back in the late 70's and in a different state) was 100X worse than my children's. I know stuff goes on at the ps, just as it does in real life most anywhere, but at least here, it is a real minority of the students who participate in things like that.

[5forMe]

Yes, I live in an area where the public schools are considered "good". When I volunteered in the middle school, I heard with my own ears the language and topics of discussion and they are what I would consider very inappropriate.

[GoVanGogh]

I think it is a very valid question to ask, "Is this going on in our school?"

 

I say that because we were totally floored to wake up and find a dead kid just yards from our house - dead from a drug overdose. We were further floored to find out that our neighbor of 10+ years was a meth addict and was allowing teenagers at the nearby high school to come over and use his house for higher-end drugs, in exchange for them supplying him with meth. We were even further floored when we found out that the teachers in this school are in on the drug trafficking.

 

I *had* asked that same question: Is this going on in our schools?

I was told repeatedly by people within the public school system that it was just a rumor. Even our mayor went on record as saying this was only a rumor. (It later came out that her son was involved and had been in rehab, so she knew it was true - just covering it up for her family's sake.)

 

I told someone later that I had felt like I lived in an alternate universe for a year. The activity in and out of the house next door to us was unreal. It was to the point that I would not let my child walk to the mailbox alone to get the mail. I would not garden in the front yard unless my husband was home. Yet we live in one of the "safest" communities in this region - very low crime rate. Yet we live in one of the more affluent suburban school districts, with some of the highest test scores in the state.

 

The children in this community are not doing drugs, we were told over and over again. They know better than that. They are too smart to do drugs. They would never take that risk.

 

Then one day we had a dead kid wheeled across our front yard and it all came out that, yes, we do indeed have a major drug problem in our community. So I do think it is a valid question to ask, "Is this going on here?" Maybe it isn't going on everywhere. But if it is going on *here* it can be going on elsewhere. Our community really had their collective "head in the sand" and was in denial for a long time.

 

It took three young kids losing their lives to drugs within a 12-month time period before we (the community) woke up and realized it.

 

I, for one, am glad that people want to ask what is going on in their local schools because that is a reflection of what is going on in the community. I just wish people gave an honest answer.

[KrissiK]

I actually read through this entire thread (at 6:00am on a Sunday morning, dd woke up early:001_smile:) and have a few responses to some posters, but don't want to go back and find their posts to quote them.

1. I was one of those naive "didn't see it" kids in hs. I actually graduated from a small Christian school in a farming community inthe mid-80's and didn't find out till 10 years later that a good portion of my class were "doing it". Drinking was also rampant. Don't know about drugs.

2. Someone also posted that they figured these kids would be the solid citizens when they grew up. I have to completely disagree with that statement. Maybe a few will, who truly know better and are just sowing wild oats, or going through a rebellious stage and will turn around. But the kids I know who we're doing that in high school, while maybe they aren't totally messed up, aren't leading lives that are all that great. And there is a whole sub-culture in this area where it's just a given that the girls will get pregnant in hs and head single-parent homes.

3. I'm not sure what the answer is. I think it is a serious problem, not just kids will be kids. Experimenting sexually is dangerous, both physically and emotionally. It obviously know no racial or economic boundaries. Or even spiritual, since studies have shown that church-going kids are almost as bad.

[Mimm]

Being in a small town doesn't help, in fact, it may hurt. I was mostly homeschooled but went to 10th grade for one semester. As someone who was pretty sheltered, it was very shocking. This was a very small town and all the schools were on one campus. Because it was halfway through the year when my mother enrolled my brother and I, they didn't have a PE class for us. So, they said for PE credit, we could help the coaches teach a PE class for first and second graders. This was quite possibly the worst part of my day. I sat on the bleachers and tried to avoid these children. They swore constantly and talked more about sex than I knew anything. First and second grade. I'm sure it was all talk, but who knows? They claimed to be doing all sorts of things. I don't know, maybe I should have mentioned it to a coach, but no one really had told me how to deal with something like that.

 

As for high school, I saw kids passing drugs and cigarettes to each other in the halls. I was offered various drugs and invited to parties where everyone drank. I saw one girl trying to get various guys to sleep with her because it had been a while since she had "gotten some". I had no friends and basically survived by having nothing but contempt for my peers. And it wasn't just the poor kids or the kids getting bad grades. It was the kids who were going to graduate valedictorian or close to it. It was the kids from the more well off families. It was everyone.

 

A few years ago, at this same school, it was discovered that several of the football coaches were having sex with several of the female students, 15 to 17 years old. The part that shocked everyone is that all the girls involved were from "good" families.

Edited January 8, 2012 by Mimm
Clarity

[stripe]

Being in a small town doesn't help, in fact, it may hurt.

When I was in (public) high school, in a large urban center, a boy showed up from a small, Midwestern town and found our school very boring. It sounded (from him) that life was so boring there that they entertained themselves more than we did.

 

I used to visit public schools (middle + high) in a large urban area as part of my work. I never saw sex acts in the hallways or anything of the sort. However, there were sexually active young teenagers that I knew of. I heartily agree with Heigh Ho that one's cohort makes a huge difference.

 

I heard that a co-worker used cocaine in the bathroom when I had an office job. My boss used to drink hard liquor in his office as a social thing. I also worked with someone who drank too much at lunch.

[MBM]

I grew up on a reservation. Kids drank alcohol, did drugs and were sexually active. I didn't do any of that, though. I had no desire. I didn't do it during college, either. I was there to study.

 

I think parental expectations and involvement play a huge role, too.

[pitterpatter]

One of my husband's boss's children gets offered drugs in school almost every singe day. He goes to one of the best public schools in St. Louis/St. Louis County.

 

What upsets me is that the grades that I may want to put my DD into school for are the scariest. :scared:

 

Are private schools better?

[Jean in Newcastle]

Google is your friend. Try Red Car Phenomenon first..there are some interesting books you might check out from the library on this topic that give opinions on how not to let an apparent weakness that is in reality minor be a tipping point in your decisions.

 

My unasked for opinion, since I have more than one kid, is that the school and its security practices are one thing, but the particular cohort your child ends up with will determine what happens, even after the criminals and delinquents are moved to alternative. One child can have a great experience, while the next has crummy one, solely as a function of who is in the group. That cannot be controlled, unless one set up a very private small school and the kids wear mics, which are monitored. Good luck in your quest.

 

She asked a simple question about a narrow topic. No one (esp. the OP) said that it was the tipping point in all of her decisions.

Edited January 8, 2012 by Jean in Newcastle

[NicAnn]

Yes, I live in an area where the public schools are considered "good". When I volunteered in the middle school, I heard with my own ears the language and topics of discussion and they are what I would consider very inappropriate.

 

in my experience it is the good schools, or wealthier schools that have bigger problems. I grew up in a pretty affluent city, and we all knew where the best rugs were (at the private Catholic school).

 

In general though, I think what people have described in this thread is quite accurate. I have siblings in high school was there not too long ago my self (less than 10 years).

[annandatje]

My daughter goes to a high school many of you would think "scary"

 

There are no sex acts in the hallways, no kids doing crack or meth out on the football field. In fact, I find her high school rather banal compared to my 1978-83 Atlanta all white suburban high school, where teachers got caught having sex with the students, and drugs were common. Shoot, the private schools were even worse back then.

 

There are a lot of reasons to dislike brick & mortar schools (public & private) but the sex in the hallways/drug stuff is really rather overblown. Then again, we all know it's more fun to gossip about sex and drugs vs. school teacher standards and educational curriculum.

 

:iagree:

[Mimm]

 

Are private schools better?

 

Some private schools are very good, some are no different from the worst public schools out there. It's like everything else out there. It varies.

[Janie Grace]

in my experience it is the good schools, or wealthier schools that have bigger problems. I grew up in a pretty affluent city, and we all knew where the best rugs were (at the private Catholic school).

 

:lol: Yeah, because those Oriental carpets can get pricey!

[Trish]

:lol: Yeah, because those Oriental carpets can get pricey!

 

High school students have been shagging each other from time immemorial.

[butterflymommy]

I knew a lady whose daughter attended a catholic all girls high school... the daughter was afraid to go into the restrooms because girls would be in there kissing and more. So not even at the all girls schools is it G rated. We're homeschooling for the long haul here.

[G5052]

When I was in middle school and high school 30+ years ago, it was going on. They were sneaky about it, but it happened. And there were teachers "involved" with students in ways they shouldn't have been. A middle school teacher that I had got fired when I was in high school for fathering a child with a student. The school system was rated as one of the top in the entire country at that time, and the high school routinely sent graduates to the Ivies and had dozens of National Merit Semi-Finalists.

 

During my full-time professional days there were affairs going on at work (and sometimes during work hours) and periodically I found out about covert drug/alcohol use. I even changed jobs one time because the "friend" of my boss hated me, and used the relationship to make my life miserable.

 

Frankly I think it is just society in general. I don't blame the schools or the workplace. How much can they really control? Ultimately it depends on who you choose to associate with, and how you handle those who want you to join them in misbehaving.

Edited January 8, 2012 by GVA
typo

[Jean in Newcastle]

Did you read the initial post? I'll quote the line of reasoning:

 

"Is is really this bad? I guess it is. Maybe I do need to look at homeschooling all the way. "

 

No indicators there of any other factors in the decision making process. But it really doesn't matter. One cannot apply statistics from across the country to one's personal situation.

 

So? Maybe she should look at homeschooling all the way. Her kids are young. As she looks toward the future, this is one thing that is sparking an interest in veering from the "usual" for the upper grades. My oldest child is in 9th grade this year. I'm homeschooling high school with him. My experience in American schools as a student and then later as a teacher motivated me to take a hard look at whether I wanted to join the majority of my friends who have stopped homeschooling once they got to this age. I'm not basing my decision simply on statistics or my own personal anecdotes (though I could give you some doozies). But that is part of the compliment of reasons as to why I'm busting my butt right now to give my son a quality high school education at home.

 

I don't understand why it would bother you or anyone else even if it was a major reason why someone homeschools their child in high school.

[Lisbeth]

I believe in a way we are protecting them. My kids don't have to be touched by the peer pressure to fit in with those who are doing these things. They know what's out there. We look at the news together so they aren't oblivious to society's ills but they don't have to be subjected to it day in and day out at such an impressionable age. It's not appropriate to be exposed to these things in middle or high school IMO, especially in isolation. Teenage behavior is evident in TV shows as well but at least mom and dad are around to discuss the issues that come up in these shows. We help to filter the messages. The maturity to handle these situations is more appropriate in college. We all know what goes on on college campuses but it is a better environment to pick and choose your crowd and not be so affected by the "clique -ishness" of mid/high school. Kids have had a chance to develop their identity under the watchful eyes of their parents.

 

 

:iagree: This.

[Lisbeth]

Another term to look up is "normalcy bias."

"People tend to interpret warnings in the most optimistic way possible, seizing on any ambiguities to infer a less serious situation." While usually used in disaster situations, it can also apply to other areas. For example if we hold dear the notion of public schools then we may want to believe everything is just fine, normal, not much worse than what we remember. Or, that nothing could happen to our kids there. A case of "schools are terrible, but not OUR school." I personally would be more concerned if my child said nothing questionable ever happened. I would be in there making sure he or she wasn't participating. :001_huh: