Do you get the presents you want?

[black_midori]

I am SO tired of getting nothing I like for Christmas. Really, though, it goes beyond that - it's that it feels like there's hardly a single person out there who has any idea what interests/hobbies/etc I have.

 

Apparently, I'm so hard to shop for that no one who knows me can come up with anything I might like... period. I really don't understand it, since I can walk into a store and see oodles of things I would enjoy having and would love someone to get me!

 

If I get another pre-packaged set of lotions (2 so far this year - *3* last year that I never used!) or scented designer candle set (1 this year - 2 last year) I may break down crying.:tongue_smilie: Seriously. I can't stand the scent of the majority of the lotions. I prefer showers and rarely take a bath (maybe twice a year?), so I don't use bath salts/oils/bubbles. I was involved in a house fire some time ago (11 years this month, in fact!) and I never EVER burn candles in the house (or even use a fireplace) - which I've told pretty much everyone I know - so candles are a HUGE no.

 

I end up smiling and offering great thanks and being appreciative of the kindness involved in someone giving me a gift at all - and then I promptly stick them in the closet to determine whether to re-gift or donate.

 

Then there are the gift cards - which is VERY nice, don't get me wrong! Thoughtful, especially if food-related (I *do* love to eat out!!!) - and I can always find stuff I love on amazon. Still - it gets old shopping for all my own presents on amazon, ya know? Especially when I usually end up shopping for all the kids presents that come "from relatives", too.

 

I'm just tired of it. And a little teary-eyed, too - I get very few gifts, and every one of them from either a close friend or someone I've known over 2 years, yet no one can pick a present I'd like? I miss the days when Mom & Dad always knew me so well they could pick out loads of presents I'd love...:001_smile:

 

[My dh got smart this year - last year I broke down sobbing on his shoulder for similar reasons after the final straw was him getting me some random piece of candy as a gift. This year, he actually asked me what I wanted and got a bunch of Wii stuff that we talked about and thought sounded good. So at least I'll get *1* thing I know I'll like, even if I did, again, help pick it.]

 

Oh, and it never occurs to dh that he ought to have the kids get me anything, so I just don't get anything from them. No "take the kids out shopping for a present for mom" days or "let's make mom a nice card/mug/placemat/etc". Although my sweet 7yo son told me after the latest set of lotions that he wonders why they didn't just get me a bunch of Pei Wei spring rolls - and I told him that THAT was a gift I'd LOVE!! :)

 

Ok. Rant over. I'm going to go finish getting stockings ready & pretend I still like Christmas (although it is rapidly becoming my least favorite holiday of the year). At least I DID get some knock-your-socks off liquored-up eggnog as a gift - now THERE'S something I can use!! :D:lol:

[Jean in Newcastle]

How old are your kids? Esp. a girl child? I started to get really nice birthdays and Christmases once dd turned 8 and took over for her father. She puts it on her calendar and makes him get me nice stuff from them! (Ds never was a help in that department.)

 

Give them a list of at least 5 things before Christmas. That way they know exactly what you would like but you don't know exactly which of those they will choose for you.

[desiree77]

The years I want presents, I make a list of lots of things that I want. I tell dh to take the kids shopping and let them all pick out something from the list. I give him a budget and make sure that my list can be bought with it.

 

Usually, I'd rather not spend the money though!

[fhjmom]

Ugg! I can so relate! Can I pull up beside you and share a cup of egg nog (although I am glad it is virtual nog bc I don't like the real thing)?

 

DH & I don't even exchange presents anymore, not that we really ever did because he was so clueless he didn't even buy me *anything* the first Christmas we were together. My mom & dad give us money before Christmas to help buy things for the kids, which I sincerely appreciate, but it means I get *nothing* in the way of gifts. I prefer getting nothing to people wasting money on gifts that do not fit me at all - I got the exact same kinds of things you did and they weren't my taste anymore than yours. DH never thinks about having the kids shop for me so I quit making them shop for him.:tongue_smilie:

 

My sweet middle DD did buy me something with her points at the AWANA store at church (kind of like the little trinket school carnival things) so there is no telling what I will get, but I will cherish it I am sure just because she bought it of her own accord.

[black_midori]

How old are your kids? Esp. a girl child? I started to get really nice birthdays and Christmases once dd turned 8 and took over for her father. She puts it on her calendar and makes him get me nice stuff from them! (Ds never was a help in that department.)

 

Give them a list of at least 5 things before Christmas. That way they know exactly what you would like but you don't know exactly which of those they will choose for you.

 

 

2 boys - 5yo & 7yo - likely to turn out just like dh!! :glare:

 

You are both absolutely right, though - I need to just accept that dh won't be able to figure this stuff out on his own & make a list (for kids AND dh!!) and give clear directions for them to go take care of it. That would undoubtedly clear a lot of the aggravation up.

[Mergath]

I won't be getting a single gift this year. *shrug* Really, it's just easier for me to go out and get what I want for myself rather than telling dh what to buy and having him still get the wrong thing. If he did go out and flounder around and come back with a gift he picked out for me all by himself, I'd actually be so touched I'd probably cry.

[Abigail4476]

I'm sorry. :grouphug:

 

I would stuff my own stocking with the things I love and exclaim excitedly over them Christmas morning. "Oh, LOOK!!! My favorite lotion in the WORLD!!! Wow...Burt's Bee's lip balm feels so nice on my lips. I love little Christmas pins. This reindeer will look so cute on my new Christmas sweater." ;)

 

For that matter, buy yourself gifts, wrap them and put them under the tree. Without malice, without apology and without any snark. If they think you were making a "statement", laugh and say, "Oh, I saw some things I absolutely loved and decided to be my own Santa!" Your family, friends and husband might take the hint. If they don't, set aside a budget every year to give yourself something nice for Christmas.

[maddykate]

I sympathize with you! I bought all of my own presents this year and DH just finished wrapping them :) to put them under the tree.

[Abigail4476]

2 boys - 5yo & 7yo - likely to turn out just like dh!! :glare:

 

You are both absolutely right, though - I need to just accept that dh won't be able to figure this stuff out on his own & make a list (for kids AND dh!!) and give clear directions for them to go take care of it. That would undoubtedly clear a lot of the aggravation up.

 

Oh, yes. :iagree: I always make my husband a list. Very specific, too, with brands, sizes, links and model numbers if necessary.

 

You can definitely make the firm suggestion that you both set aside time to take the kids out shopping next year. Make it about letting them buy something for everyone in the family; not just for you. Set aside $60 so the kids can pick out a $10 gift for each of you and one another. (Or whatever amount you decide on.) We do this for our kids, and they LOVE *sneaking* around the store picking out gifts while we sit on the bench by the door pretending we can't see them. They also get quite a bit of pleasure out of wrapping their own gifts and putting them under the tree. Dd16 started work about a month ago and so she put some of her own money with her usual budget and was able to buy nicer things than usual.

[Sophia]

2 boys - 5yo & 7yo - likely to turn out just like dh!! :glare:

 

You are both absolutely right, though - I need to just accept that dh won't be able to figure this stuff out on his own & make a list (for kids AND dh!!) and give clear directions for them to go take care of it. That would undoubtedly clear a lot of the aggravation up.

 

Oh, your boys are so little still. Here's what I did when my olders were younger (I don't need to do this anymore btw :D,) buy a few things for yourself, give them to dh and tell him to have the boys pick out what they want to give you~that is, if you don't care about surprises. I used to care, but dh is an awful shopper and I finally decided I was done getting my feelings hurt and having him spend money on things I didn't want or need.

I knew my dc really wanted to get me something special though, so I just made it easier for everyone involved.

 

My older girls have grown into excellent shoppers :tongue_smilie:, so they guide dh and the rest of the family along now when shopping for me.

[AK_Mom4]

Yep. In 21 years of marriage, DH has come up with 1 - yep, 1! present idea that I loved (getting me a Nook for my birthday (also in December).

 

This year, I got what I wanted for a gift because I insisted DH take me out shopping for a replacement for my wedding band (lost after an MRI). I got a lovely ring that I picked out myself and it's exactly right!

 

Buy your own gifts if you want them or give them a list to work from.

[Audrey]

Try not to get hung up on the gifts you get ... or don't get. If there's something you wanted, pick it up for yourself and enjoy it. I kind of think Christmas and all the gifts are for kids. Not that I don't appreciate one when I get one, but really, I think it more for the kids to get a few things. I think I enjoy Christmas-time a lot more that way. No expectations for myself. Just watching a kid's eyes light up.

[Mommyfaithe]

I just pick out what I want, buy it and hand it to a kid to wrap. No one is going to take the time to figure out what I want--and I sure don't want another ugly set of salt shakers that don't match my dishes that dh picked up at the 7-11 type store! I'm getting two new books and a new set of biscuit cutters! Oh, and the 300 zoom lens that I bought 2 months ago and have used a zillion times. I'm happy...

 

:iagree::iagree:

I buy mybown presents...and dh usually picks out some things for the kids to give to me. Gifts are his love language...not mine, so I find it terribly frustrating to shop for him.

 

I now have him make a wish list on amazon....and I but things off his list. Works great. Maybe make an amazon list....and tell your dh it is there. He may just not know what to get....but if youbgive him lots of choices....that will make it easier for him.

 

Faithe

[sparrow]

Try not to get hung up on the gifts you get ... or don't get. If there's something you wanted, pick it up for yourself and enjoy it. I kind of think Christmas and all the gifts are for kids. Not that I don't appreciate one when I get one, but really, I think it more for the kids to get a few things. I think I enjoy Christmas-time a lot more that way. No expectations for myself. Just watching a kid's eyes light up.

 

:iagree: I feel fortunate my love language is not gifts. I don't have to feel disappointment on Christmas and birthdays. I really could not care less if I received a single gift. I'm an acts of service kind of girl. Build me a chicken coop and I'll follow you to the ends of the earth :001_smile:.

[StephanieZ]

Why don't you make an Amazon wish list next year, in advance, and be sure to teach your husband how to use it!!

 

I do a lot of hinting. LOL. I get good presents, but 90% of them are helped along with hinting. Plenty of hinting! And reminding!

 

FWIW, I agree that Christmas gifts are mostly for kids. Dh & I spoil eachother, but we know eachother well, and I am very good at hinting, lol. I don't do much gift exchange out of immediate family. Extended family (adult siblings, close aunts, etc) nearly all exchange useful edible gifts -- shipments of good fruit, edible arrangement (arrived today), wine, etc. These are thoughtful and are a symbol of remembering each other, without wasting money on trinkets noone will use or struggling to find something that is useful. The only adult other than my mom and husband that I exchange actual "stuff" with is my one brother, as he is single, childless, and we have a very small family, so we exchange with eachother. It is hard to choose something great for him, and if I had to do that with a dozen adults, I'd rip my hair out.

Edited December 25, 2011 by StephanieZ

[Denise in IN]

2 boys - 5yo & 7yo - likely to turn out just like dh!! :glare:

 

You are both absolutely right, though - I need to just accept that dh won't be able to figure this stuff out on his own & make a list (for kids AND dh!!) and give clear directions for them to go take care of it. That would undoubtedly clear a lot of the aggravation up.

 

:grouphug: I'm sorry you're struggling, it's just tough when it feels like nobody really cares enough to pay attention to what you really like!

 

I would encourage you to be direct with your dh. A couple years ago I finally said, "you need to take the kids shopping and help them get gifts for me so they learn how to give as well as receive." And I give them specific suggestions!

[Myeightkiddies]

I understand how you feel. I do put a lot of thought into the gifts that I get others - especially dh and kids. I'm like an open book so it is puzzling that they never know what to get me. I agree with the ladies. Make a list online or paper and let him know that these are things you'd love to have - all price ranges. He'll appreciate it and you will too. :grouphug:

[joannqn]

I've always had my kids pick out a gift for DH. Then I have DH take them out to get something for me. Now that my older two are older, they insist on it. This year, they even put some of their own money towards the gifts they bought for each other and us parents. Plus I involve them on the secrets of what their siblings are getting. They are so excited to be part of the giving. Definitely help them get into the spirit of giving so they can help dad when they get a little older.

 

Plus, give them a list. Seriously. DH is impossible to shop for several reasons, and he refuses to give us any ideas or suggestions. We ask for them but he flat out refuses. So, he gets to be happy or unhappy with what he receives.

[Lisbeth]

Gifts are def one of my love languages but dh is very inconsiderate on this front. I never get gifts...not for Christmas, Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, Anniversaries, Birthdays and no flowers in the hospital after having the children. It hurts less over time, and I just buy myself stuff. It is def not the same, but I always get what I want that way. I also stopped covering for him with his family. I make sure the kids are covered, but after that he is responsible for his mother on mother's day, etc. Which often goes badly...but...oh well! He ignores my requests for "at least a heartfelt card" so I just washed my hands of the whole thing a while back.

[happi duck]

:grouphug:

[MSNative]

:iagree: I feel fortunate my love language is not gifts. I don't have to feel disappointment on Christmas and birthdays. I really could not care less if I received a single gift. I'm an acts of service kind of girl. Build me a chicken coop and I'll follow you to the ends of the earth :001_smile:.

 

:iagree:and :lol:

[DawnM]

This is exactly DH's and my sentiment about Christmas.

 

We have the money in the household. We buy things we want/need throughout the year for ourselves. Christmas is for the kids.

 

This year I got myself an iPhone for Christmas (and the more expensive plan that comes along with it.) DH got himself a membership to a golf club when it was on a 75% off special in October.

 

My parents gave me $100 in cash this year. I ended up getting two Pfalzgraff dish sets (see my other thread on how I got them for 85% off!) and some earrings.

 

I am happy as can be.

 

I don't understand the "you should just know me and surprise me" idea......because that just leads to disappointment.

 

Please know NOW, as it will curb many many years of heartache later, men are quite daft. They need blatant words, no hints!

 

As for friends who find a little something nice for me, I am just thankful they think of me. It is a nice gesture.

 

Dawn

 

Try not to get hung up on the gifts you get ... or don't get. If there's something you wanted, pick it up for yourself and enjoy it. I kind of think Christmas and all the gifts are for kids. Not that I don't appreciate one when I get one, but really, I think it more for the kids to get a few things. I think I enjoy Christmas-time a lot more that way. No expectations for myself. Just watching a kid's eyes light up.

[DawnM]

My love language is TIME, so I will come and spend time with you while we build a chicken coop......or I will at least come and keep you company while you build! :lol:

 

Dawn

 

:iagree: I feel fortunate my love language is not gifts. I don't have to feel disappointment on Christmas and birthdays. I really could not care less if I received a single gift. I'm an acts of service kind of girl. Build me a chicken coop and I'll follow you to the ends of the earth :001_smile:.

[JFSinIL]

The kids and I put our wish lists on the 'fridge a month before Christmas. Hubby puts his up mere days before - and then it is only a couple obscure items (odd bay leaves you can't buy here, for example, for his home brewing hobby. Dude - if you and your brewing buddies can't find those things, how do you think I can???). He was raised in a family that gave one, maybe two gifts each, and odds were they'd be handed over in the bag from the store.

 

I was raised with lists, lots of shopping and hiding and wrapping and plotting the best items to surprise folks with (beyond what they asked for) and it looks like my two dds will have inherited this from me :D so I WILL get at least two decent gifts today!

 

DS take after their dad :glare:

 

My folks are getting too old to shop, so they send cash for me to spend on myself. Which I do. :D

[Night Elf]

DH and I rarely try to surprise one another. We tell each other exactly what we want. I even purchased my big ticket item myself because it was so personal. I got a ring for my right hand that compliments my wedding band I wear on the left, so I'm symmetrical! He couldn't have picked out what the vague design I had in mind. He wanted a special watch because he runs. He sent me the Amazon link, I purchased it, wrapped it, and it's under the tree.

 

The only surprise I got for him is the Princess Bride dvd which I got on sale for less than $10 at Walmart as an impulse buy. I'm positive he doesn't have any surprises for me because he paid so much for my ring. :D

 

I wish we could surprise each other every year, but it would likely be misses most of the time. We just consider it a waste.

 

:grouphug:

[Maria from IN]

Perhaps if you sent them a thank-you card mentioning what you purchased with your gift card, like "this really helped me obtain that yarn/scrapbooking/puzzle/cooking item I needed for my (enter new, exciting hobby here)."

 

I know what you mean about "buying for other relatives." My 82-year-old MIL lives by herself, and even though the entire family (except my husband) lives within 20 miles of her--and one daughter even living 3 blocks away--no one picked her up and took her shopping this year. One daughter came and helped her send presents online, but she wanted to go shopping and pick out a present for the newborn great-granddaughter who was named after her. She asked us last week (we live 500 miles away) to pick out some gifts and send them in her name.

 

I got what I wanted this year, though. My husband comes right out and asks me what I want, so this year I said I wanted a new DVD player and a new set of pots and pans, as mine were getting old and the non-stick was flaking off. The only bad thing about it is he sometimes gets things that are too expensive.

[pfamilygal]

Yes.

 

I ordered it myself on Amazon. I told dh when to expect it, and that it should be charged and under the tree for Christmas.

 

ETA: I realized that sounds like I bought a TeA toy. It was a camera.

Edited December 25, 2011 by pfamilygal

[elegantlion]

My love language is gifts. I've given up the illusion that dh will ever be able to read my mind without a list. :lol:

 

I do like gift cards because I can pick out what I want, which is usually some obscure book on amazon that my dh would have no clue about.

 

When we were kids my dad would give us Christmas money and we'd buy our own gifts, wrap them, and then open them on Christmas. He did that this year too. I like that idea.

 

I kind of expect more impersonal gifts from outside immediate family, but for my dh and ds, they get a list. The amazon wish list was great this year.

 

We haven't done gifts yet, so we'll see how they did. It's a tight financial year, so my expectations are lower.

[DawnM]

Well, I was thinking Kindle......but a TeA toys sounds more interesting! :D

 

Which actually reminds me of a VERY FUNNY story. My BFF is far more open about these things than I am. She decided to give her brother and his wife a TeA toy for Christmas one year. She wrapped it and sent it. Well, her brother and his wife got together with HER extended family for CHristmas and they decided to open all of their family gifts there, including HIS family gifts.

 

In her family they pass around each gift so all 40 people or so can ooooo and ahhhhhh over it.

 

Well, much to their surprise, they opened this gift and since they didn't quite know what it was at first, they just started passing it around........:lol::lol::lol:

 

It was the family joke for many, many years!!!!!!!! :D

 

Dawn

 

Yes.

 

I ordered it myself on Amazon. I told dh when to expect it, and that it should be charged and under the tree for Christmas.

 

ETA: I realized that sounds like I bought a TeA toy. It was a camera.

Edited December 25, 2011 by DawnM

[tabrizia]

My love language is gifts as well, and I like surprise gifts at least most of the time. That being said DH and I have a system set up, we buy each other 3 or so gifts that the other person has told us about, is with us when we are shopping for them, and then we get 1 gift that is a surprise, that we think the other person will like. It means I get a couple of presents that I know I will like and 1 surprise present that I might not like, but I pretend to and I do get a surprise which I enjoy.

 

We also take our 2 older ones out to shop for their siblings, DH and me. They also picked out presents for their Grandparents this year, not necessarily what their Grandparents would want, but they did think about them when choosing their gifts to them.

[Tarreymere]

We have it down to a science. I get a fifth of Jack Daniels and some bubble bath, DH gets socks and underwear. This odd man actually WANTS socks and underwear........the alternative is to get him guitar strings and I just do not consider those a gift anymore than socks or underwear, but at least I get some choice in what underwear I pick out for him!

 

We also gave all of us a few new wii games!

[gardenmom5]

I'm confused. do you drop hints of things you would enjoy, or expect people to know you so well they read your mind? I know people who could not give a flying fig about giving "thoughtful" gifts, and others who would like to, but have no clue what the person would like.

[m0mmaBuck]

I tell people exactly what I want. I keep an Amazon wish list up all year. This is the first year (after 14+ years of marriage) that my inlaws actually bought something from my list. Yay me!

 

DH has been apologizing in advance for 2 months now that my Christmas is going to "suck" because he just can't find anything for me...

 

I can hardly wait until the rest of the house gets up so I can be disappointed! :glare:

[Matryoshka]

Oh, yes. :iagree: I always make my husband a list. Very specific, too, with brands, sizes, links and model numbers if necessary.

 

Heck, I'm like that, so I have no expectation anyone can figure it out for me.

 

Now that my kids are older, I give them a budget and tell them to make a list. My best friend is one of those "gift whisperer" people. I usually call her up a day or two before Christmas/her birthday and ask to be told what to get her. I'm lucky she still likes me. :tongue_smilie:

 

Dh and I don't exchange gifts much at all. Honestly, I'm relieved I'm not expected to "know" what he wants, and am happy to not have the pressure of having him intuit the "perfect" gift. He usually gets me silver earrings (I think I told him that would be a sure bet back almost 20 years ago when we met - rinse and repeat :)). This year I got him boots (his old ones were falling apart) - but I had him check them to make sure they were what he wanted.

[KungFuPanda]

I'm ruining it for everyone because I actually like and use all of those candles and bath products. My family knows to get fruity or spicy scents, but nothing flowery unless it's jasmine.

 

A friend just told me that she always gets a present from Santa and it's always exactly what she wants. :D Her kids are teens and she still gets her Santa gift. After a few years, her husband bought into the idea and HE also has a Santa gift each year.

 

DH and I skipped exchanging gifts from each other, but neither of us is wired to care about gifts. We figure it's enough that they're actually starting construction on our bathrooms soon. (A tree crushed two of them in September.)

 

Now, I have a teen daughter within taste, so I'm all set when DH wants to shop for me, but if I didn't have her, I'd go the Santa route OR insist upon a post-Chritmas shopping day ALONE.

[Shellers]

.....I feel fortunate my love language is not gifts. I don't have to feel disappointment on Christmas and birthdays. I really could not care less if I received a single gift. I'm an acts of service kind of girl. Build me a chicken coop and I'll follow you to the ends of the earth :001_smile:.

 

Same here! I don't need any gifts. What I'd really like is for someone to do the dishes, clean the windows, and fix my doorbell. :001_smile:

[ErinE]

So sorry. Gently, I'll say my dh for years would get upset on Christmas because he wasn't getting what he wanted. I finally asked him for a list, then I take the kids out and steer them towards gifts he's requested. Perhaps you should do the same with your spouse. This was the first year he didn't make a list, but he still enjoyed the gifts we got him (I think).

[Happy]

You know when you train your dc how to give gifts to you, you are blessing their future spouses. Especially when you train the guys how to buy for women.

 

I never really thought about it, but my friend has. She has brought her sons up to know that sending flowers, taking someone out for dinner, and/or a piece of nice jewelry is always appropriate. Birthday, Christmas, anniversaries...

 

Now...some of us would rather have other treats but if you 'train' the children to give you something wonderful they will tweak it eventually. I like the idea of when in doubt, give the gift of dinner, flowers, and jewelry.

 

I like the idea that we are helping our children's marriage someday with this training...

[kitten18]

I'm just tired of it. And a little teary-eyed, too

Me too.

 

For me, I've just realized that I might be invisible. I got two knives for Christmas. Very nice knives. So nice in fact, that I already own these EXACT same knives and I've used them every. single. day. for the last 7 YEARS.

Yep. I'm invisible.

 

Thank goodness I had a couple small gifts from my sisters to open. They're very small, but thoughtful.

[Guest submarines]

How old are your kids? Esp. a girl child? I started to get really nice birthdays and Christmases once dd turned 8 and took over for her father. She puts it on her calendar and makes him get me nice stuff from them! (Ds never was a help in that department.)

 

Give them a list of at least 5 things before Christmas. That way they know exactly what you would like but you don't know exactly which of those they will choose for you.

 

DH doesn't listen to my girl child. :tongue_smilie:

 

Yesterday she told him, "Daddy, give mom her gift now, so that she can get over it by Christmas morning!" :lol: DH is partial to a specific style of earrings, and has been giving them to me, in various incarnations, for every occassion. The facts that I never wear them other than the first several days after he gives them to me, is not enough of a hint. Last year I openly told him that this was so not my style. Guess what? The same type of earrings. DD did know I wouldn't like them. Did DH listen to her? Nope. (They went out together to shop for me.)

[black_midori]

Me too.

 

For me, I've just realized that I might be invisible. I got two knives for Christmas. Very nice knives. So nice in fact, that I already own these EXACT same knives and I've used them every. single. day. for the last 7 YEARS.

Yep. I'm invisible.

 

Thank goodness I had a couple small gifts from my sisters to open. They're very small, but thoughtful.

:grouphug:

 

Thanks for all the hugs, support & ideas - and just for letting me vent!! :) I'm really not that whiny usually, I promise!

 

We had a wonderful Christmas morning - the kids were a delight (well behaved & kind to everyone - very unlike last night!) and had a joyous time, my lovely dh actually got me a surprise gift that was genuinely good (he bought phyllo dough & promised to make baklava & samosas!), and dinner is in the crock pot (so no mad dash to cook later).

 

I try to drop hints throughout the year, but I guess I don't do a good job. I suppose that it is because when I walk through a store I just automatically see things for ds5, ds7 & dh - things I know they would want and enjoy - and it seems like it ought to be easy for people who know me well to do the same.

 

Amusingly enough - I'd be thrilled to death if dh finally built the chicken coop that we've been talking about for years!! :lol::lol: I'm not huge on the presents, honestly - it is the thought/time/consideration that I would appreciate more of! :) A yummy tray of treats & a hug & I'm set!

[Debbi in Texas]

I would actually rather have an event. This year I told dh I wanted him to take me to dinner and the Peter Pan ballet. It was great

[Allearia]

Well I had to buy my own presents this year, so I got what I liked but not quite the same as opening a surprise. So no you are not alone.

[butterflymommy]

All this year while pregnant I kept praying I'd have a living baby this christmas, and I do... she's 12 weeks and 2 days old today :D.

[Hockey Mom]

Dh and I make each other lists. Sometimes we include links to where the item can be found for the best price. Dh has a steel-trap memory, and remembers every random comment I have ever made about items I would like. Me OTOH, I can barely remember my name on any given day, and the list is a HUGE help for me.

 

I'm sorry you are feeling overlooked. :( Hopefully next year will be more fun for you.

[KungFuPanda]

:grouphug:

(he bought phyllo dough & promised to make baklava & samosas!),

!

 

That's LOVE. Your DH has redeemed himself. I want some!

[Cindyz]

I usually get my presents before Christmas for one reason or another. This year we redid the dining room and I got several pieces of Ikea furniture that my husband spent a lot of time putting together and I am very happy about that.

 

However, I did have a talk with my husband about taking our son out to pick a present for me. I told him it didn't matter to me whether it was something from the dollar store or anything...as long as my son put some thought into it and picked it out himself. I told my husband the importance of having a talk with our son ahead of time about sitting down and really putting thought and thinking about what Mom might want. NOT for my sake, but because when my son is a man with a significant other, I want him to be able to think about and choose a nice gift for his wife. I think teaching him to choose a nice thoughtful gift is an important part about learning to be a man and is our responsibility as parents. And, it doesn't have to be something bought. In fact after my husband had this talk with him, they made a list and in the end, they decided that the gift I would like the best was something my son hand made. They were right!

[MIch elle]

I told them what to buy me this year, "Lands End scarf" and they STILL called me to ask what color/style - UGH! I said,"You can't pick ONE out by yourself?" The week before I bought myself a Lands End scarf and I knew I would like anyone of them so they couldn't pick a bad one. I told them NOT to buy me anything else because my dh would just grab something the last minute that's JUST terrible, and I'd have to return it. :001_huh:

 

I buy what I want and need all year for myself so Christmas gifts are no big deal to me (any longer). ;)

[PhotoGal]

This thread is a great reminder that "gift giving" should be one of the life skills we teach our kids. We didn't take our kids out to shop or anything, but dd made everyone paper snowflakes this year. :D Next year, maybe we will have them write a list of who they want to give something to and then list some of the hobbies/interests of those people. Even if we make some ornaments or something else small for everyone, it is a great lesson in paying attention to what other people like when planning gifts.

 

One thing I've learned in my relationship with dh is to just ask for what I want. I know it is nice if they think of these things themselves, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. Go ahead and tell your dh what things you would like. (Flowers after having a baby is a great idea! I wish I had thought of that one). After a few years of wishlists, ideas, etc., he may be able to branch out on his own. ;)

[Kari C in SC]

I have had similar experiences as you. About 10 years ago, dh and I just stopped giving bigger gifts to each other. We do 2-3 really small things - no pressure. Then I buy whatever I would really like. The kids get me small stuff (dollar store from my son) again - no pressure. I get what I want and everyone is happy. Sometimes I think I really want a special gift, but I realize that my dh is not really that kind of person.