Do you believe in "soul mates"? nt

[Luanne]

nt

[Parabola]

I don't whether to answer this yes or no. I had one relationship in my life where we were so intune with each other that I heard his thoughts pretty regularly. And vice versa. I could tell where his mind was at any given moment. We could communicate volumes without saying a word to each other. I felt like he was my soul mate at the time. Unfortunately it didn't work out, due to things beyond our control.

I don't really think there's only one person who's meant for you, but I think there are some people who are more on your vibration then others?? Does that make sense?

[Barb_]

Nope, only that people are more or less suited to one another on a continuum. People can grow more suited to one another over time or people can grow apart.

Compatibility is nature coupled with environment, so it's pretty fluid over time.

 

Barb

[RoughCollie]

Yes. Absolutely.

[beansprouts]

Probably not in the sense you mean. I do think God put me and my dh together.

[Prairie~Phlox]

When I met my husband, I knew after a short time that he was the person I was going to marry, so I guess, yes, I do.

[Night Elf]

Nope. I have too much personal experience to believe in soul mates. It's a sweet thing to say about a loved one but I don't for a second believe it's a truth, just a feeling.

[Lisa at Home]

I believe my dh is my soulmate. Does that mean things are perfect? No way!

 

Do I think everyone finds theirs? Unfortunately, no.

 

I also believe we have a will, and can make a best choice or not so good of a choice.

 

I do tend to believe that it's harder for people who don't believe in soul mates to find theirs.

 

~Lisa

[Scarlett]

No.

[jmgconner]

I believe my dh is my soulmate. Does that mean things are perfect? No way!

 

Do I think everyone finds theirs? Unfortunately, no.

 

I also believe we have a will, and can make a best choice or not so good of a choice.

 

I do tend to believe that it's harder for people who don't believe in soul mates to find theirs.

 

~Lisa

 

:iagree: My DH is my soulmate, too.

[Rich with Kids]

Can someone define soulmate?

[E_Edgerton]

Not really...I definitely felt strongly for my now husband almost immediately....but so much of the success of a relationship seems to be about constant upkeep and the give and take.

[abbeyej]

As in only one? No. I do think there are great matches and good ones and poor ones and disastrous ones... But no, I don't think there's one single, perfect match out there for any of us. (Which doesn't mean that I deny the possibility that things were "meant" to be, to happen in certain ways -- I manage to believe in both predestination and free will coexisting pretty well...)

 

I guess I could believe in multiple "soul mates" as in, multiple potentially great matches -- people who can understand and support us better than nearly anyone else, and for whom we can do the same. And in that case, I'd say my husband and I have that sort of relationship and we choose to be soulmates for each other. But some of that has also been growing into perfect matches for each other, and allowing ourselves to be molded over time, to make choices that make us more right for each other...

[lovemyboys]

I believe my dh is my soulmate. Does that mean things are perfect? No way!

 

Do I think everyone finds theirs? Unfortunately, no.

 

I also believe we have a will, and can make a best choice or not so good of a choice.

 

I do tend to believe that it's harder for people who don't believe in soul mates to find theirs.

 

~Lisa

 

then, yes. And I do believe in pheromones.

 

And I believe that God can have a hand in circumstances.

 

But, like Lisa says, we also have a will and can make bad choices, or treat that wonderful person poorly, or jump into something with the wrong person before we really meet a great match. So not all soul-mates or great matches last.

 

Interesting question.

[BamaTanya]

No. And I think a lot of people who are looking for THE Love of Their Lives may be passing up some wonderful opportunities. I think a belief in a soulmate is a fairytale, that many people have an unrealistic ideal that may "set them up" for failure.

 

I saw the Today Show interview with this author, and agreed wholeheartedly:

 

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200803/single-marry

 

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23053553/

 

I had several relationships with suitable young men when I wasn't ready to settle down. And then I settled down with dh. I don't think dh was "THE ONE," but I think he was the one I loved/who loved me when I was emotionally ready for permanence. Which leads to another topic: why I don't advocate all that dating for singles . . . Which I won't go into on this thread. =)

[astrid]

:001_wub:

[Kelli in TN]

My husband is my soulmate.

 

But he was not my soulmate when we met. He was not my soulmate when we married.He was not my soulmate for the first several years of our marriage.

 

But he is now because I made him my soulmate.

 

I believe love is a choice, and a verb, first, and the feeling follows afterwards.

[Hen]

Yes.

 

It's an 'abiding' sort of thing.

[Trivium Academy]

I agree. :)

[Liza Q]

No, I do not.

 

I would say more but Abbeyej said it perfectly.

[ereks mom]

[HRAAB]

Timely. My 16 yr old dd just asked me this because, of course, she thinks she's found her soul mate. No. I don't. With all the people in the world, how would we ever find that one soul mate. The odds aren't good.

 

However, after 23 years of marriage including all the rough spots, sickness, death, job loss, raising children together, and the happy times, I believe we have become each other's soul mate. He's a part of me. It just keeps getting better.

 

Janet

[Jami]

I completely agree with Abbey. I think one danger of believing that there's only ONE PERFECT match out there for each person, is that when rough times come, you're left wondering...what if I chose wrong, what if he/she is still out there? Or if you meet someone where perhaps there's a spark, would a person be willing to abandon marriage vows and leave a marriage because they've found the "one" and it's not the person they married? I think plenty of people justify breaking marriage vows on those grounds. :(

 

I do think that my dh is a providentially good fit for me and that God certainly drew us together and that our strengths and weaknesses complement one another. But we also married very young and have changed a great deal over the years, and I suppose it's possible we wouldn't connect if we met *now* as our current selves. But we've become those selves because of our marriage in great part. I know that I love him deeply and he loves me deeply. And since we're married for life, he is the one I'm meant to be with, I made that vow.

 

Jami

[beansprouts]

I do think that my dh is a providentially good fit for me and that God certainly drew us together and that our strengths and weaknesses complement one another. But we also married very young and have changed a great deal over the years, and I suppose it's possible we wouldn't connect if we met *now* as our current selves. But we've become those selves because of our marriage in great part. I know that I love him deeply and he loves me deeply. And since we're married for life, he is the one I'm meant to be with, I made that vow.

 

 

 

I completely agree with all of this. I met dh when I was 19. We basically grew up together :001_smile:

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

nt

 

No, but there are a handful of people who I feel like I'm on the same wavelength as. Kind of in tune with them over the miles. Same orbits, or our subatomic particles share synchrony and resonance, or something.

[WTMindy]

My husband is my soulmate.

 

But he was not my soulmate when we met. He was not my soulmate when we married.He was not my soulmate for the first several years of our marriage.

 

But he is now because I made him my soulmate.

 

I believe love is a choice, and a verb, first, and the feeling follows afterwards.

Yah, what she said!:iagree:

[dangermom]

I don't believe that there is one person in the whole universe who I'm meant to be with. I don't believe in perfect matches.

 

I do believe that God brought me and my husband together, and that my husband is a better match for me than any other guy I've known. (God gets the credit for that one; I was clueless. Ten years later, I realized how many bullets I'd dodged!) Now we've grown together, so now I guess we're as close to soulmates as it gets.

 

However there are undoubtedly other guys in the world I could have married and been happy with. I just haven't actually met them.

[JennifersLost]

My mother once told me that it wasn't that there was one perfect soul mate for each person - it was more that there was a small range of people that would work well as a "mate". At the time I didn't believe her, but now I do.

 

I can't pick out one other man I know that I feel like I could be married to.

 

But what if I hadn't met dh? Our meeting was such a fluke, it could easily never have happened. Would that mean that he and I were doomed to unhappiness for ever?

 

Probably not. We both would have gone on seeking.

 

I'm glad it turned out this way. We do get on together remarkably well. It's not just sex, it's not just intellectual - it's both and that's a terrific thing.

 

But it's the way that we're both growing parallel to each other and becoming more interesting, well-rounded people that is the really neat thing to me.

[Jenny in Atl]

Nope... My dh is my best friend but it has taken years to get to this point. True love comes after the glow of lust has waned.

 

On the other hand, there are lots of creepy coincidences that brought us together. So, who knows... maybe it was kismet!

:001_wub:

[Mama Lynx]

You might be interested in my story ....

 

I would say the same thing, that DH was not my soulmate when we met, but he is now. HOWEVER ... when we met, I didn't really like him. He was the geekiest, nerdiest guy I'd ever seen. I did not find him attractive. But I knew. I absolutely knew, from the moment I saw him, that we would be married. It was not love at first sight. It was "Oh, no ...not him!"

 

But I knew.

 

That was when I was 14.

 

I knew he was in love with me before he did. And when he finally told me, I ran away and did not speak to him for a year and a half. Over the 2nd summer of me not speaking to him, he mailed me a book. About soulmates.

 

Yes, I believe in soulmates. I believe he and I were meant to be together, that it is fate/destiny/the hand of God. I believe that even so, we could have choosen differently, or we could just blow it and divorce. It's still work. But ...

[Desert Rat]

Yes.

[Kay in Cal]

This is perfect, Abbey.

 

A range of possibilites exist, some are fantastic and others are not. But we also choose to be "soul mates" or not.

[Paula in PA]

Yes, I believe in soulmates. I believe he and I were meant to be together, that it is fate/destiny/the hand of God. I believe that even so, we could have choosen differently, or we could just blow it and divorce. It's still work. But ...

 

:iagree: This is sort of how I feel as well. Because of my personal spiritual beliefs, I do believe it's possible for 2 people to have an immediate strong connection that could be described as soulmates. But I don't believe there is necessarily only one right person for each of us.

[Unicorn.]

Yes, I do. Dh is my soulmate, and he says the same of me. That said however, I don't believe that everyone marries there soulmate, and that's ok.

[beansprouts]

My dh says he knew he was going to marry me before we'd actually met. It was when his boss told him she had hired a new girl... :001_smile:

[Kari C in SC]

I believe my dh is my soulmate. Does that mean things are perfect? No way!

 

Do I think everyone finds theirs? Unfortunately, no.

 

I also believe we have a will, and can make a best choice or not so good of a choice.

 

I do tend to believe that it's harder for people who don't believe in soul mates to find theirs.

 

~Lisa

 

:iagree:

 

I believe that God put my dh and I together. I was 14 when I met him. He was 15. I overheard him tell another girl on the bus that he lived at "101 Hillstone Road". The next thing I knew, I was walking up to his door and ringing his doorbell. I had never dated a boy. I was terribly shy. I remember walking down the street to the little grocery store and feeling completely pulled to turn towards his house. I had no idea what I was doing or what I would say. That was nearly 22 years ago. Yes, I believe God put us together.

 

I also have witnessed 2 sister-in-laws that due to bad childhood experiences with their parents marriage - have pushed away any hope of a soulmate. I think that is their free-will and choices they make that makes it difficult to find love. I guess that means I don't believe that everyone has or will find their soulmate. I am just so happy that I did.

[Kari C in SC]

Timely. My 16 yr old dd just asked me this because, of course, she thinks she's found her soul mate. No. I don't. With all the people in the world, how would we ever find that one soul mate. The odds aren't good.

 

However, after 23 years of marriage including all the rough spots, sickness, death, job loss, raising children together, and the happy times, I believe we have become each other's soul mate. He's a part of me. It just keeps getting better.

 

Janet

 

The odds may not be good that your dd has met her soul mate at 16, but not at all impossible. I am so glad my mom realized what a intelligent 16 year old I was and didn't assume there was no way I could actually be in love. Obviously, I don't know your dd and she may very well have a crush. I just had to say that I believe you can find your soulmate at 16 or at 14 as in my case.

[Catherine]

like my own-lucky me!-but it is also destructive. I say this because the idea of a soulmate might cause a person to believe there is a perfect, maintainance-free relationship out there looking for them, and I just don't believe that. Any long term partnership is going to require work and compromises. For me, my soulmate is the person who accepts and loves me as I am, listens to and respects me, and believes we are in it for the long haul so approaches problem-solving with that in mind.

[percytruffle]

The short answer is yes. The longer answer is that I believe in more than just soulmates. There are four main categories of personality type that the sixteen individual types fall under. Supposedly, persons in each of those four groupings are looking for something a little different in a partner. Some look for and need a soulmate, some a playmate, some a helpmate, and some a mindmate.

 

My type needs a soulmate and I find pieces of that in dh, whereas his type seeks a mindmate and he finds pieces of that in me. I think you would only ever find someone whom you are completely "intune" with if that person is the same type as you. Unfortunatley, that relationship could become stagnant too easily. One cannot help the other to grow if their strengths and weaknesses (preferences) are the same.

 

So, I think we often "see" our spouse as a soulmate if that is what we seek. The relationship may not be the same in reverse, because their needs may not match our own.

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

I was thinking the same thing, and as a general rule they are not men. What is it Anne of Green Gables used to say?

 

I had to look it up: Kindred Spirits. I believe in those.

 

 

ETA: I think dh and I are kindred spirits.

[starlashine]

Yup.

[whisperam]

I beleive there is more than one person out in the world that could fill the title soul mate. While I beleive that I also believe that once you choose that person and marry them it is for life except if there is adultery involved. That's my belief.

[elegantlion]

The short answer is yes. The longer answer is that I believe in more than just soulmates. There are four main categories of personality type that the sixteen individual types fall under. Supposedly, persons in each of those four groupings are looking for something a little different in a partner. Some look for and need a soulmate, some a playmate, some a helpmate, and some a mindmate.

 

My type needs a soulmate and I find pieces of that in dh, whereas his type seeks a mindmate and he finds pieces of that in me. I think you would only ever find someone whom you are completely "intune" with if that person is the same type as you. Unfortunatley, that relationship could become stagnant too easily. One cannot help the other to grow if their strengths and weaknesses (preferences) are the same.

 

So, I think we often "see" our spouse as a soulmate if that is what we seek. The relationship may not be the same in reverse, because their needs may not match our own.

 

Very well put. I feel like my dh is my soulmate, even with both of our faults. Every personality profile we takes posts us a complete opposites. I describe us as a puzzle, we fit together. His strengths are my weaknesses and vice versa.

[SnowWhite]

No. And I think a lot of people who are looking for THE Love of Their Lives may be passing up some wonderful opportunities. I think a belief in a soulmate is a fairytale, that many people have an unrealistic ideal that may "set them up" for failure..<snip> . .

I had several relationships with suitable young men when I wasn't ready to settle down. And then I settled down with dh. I don't think dh was "THE ONE," but I think he was the one I loved/who loved me when I was emotionally ready for permanence. Which leads to another topic: why I don't advocate all that dating for singles . . . Which I won't go into on this thread. =)

 

Absolutely, true! I also think this fairy tale leads people to entertain discontent in their romantic relationships. "What if he's not THE ONE?" and marriages "Could someone else have been THE ONE?" OTOH, I believe it's important not to "settle FOR someone", because that someone deserves someone who loves them whole-heartedly. Please don't think I'm suggesting less than whole-hearted love.

 

My husband is my soulmate.

 

<snip>

I believe love is a choice, and a verb, first, and the feeling follows afterwards.

 

Absolutely, true. There are "spooky" things about my relationship to dh that make me absolutely positive God meant for us to be together. He is 5 years younger than I am, and when I was a toddler, I had an invisible friend with the same first name. His maternal grandfather's first name is exactly the same as my maiden name, same spelling and everything. And that is an uncommon name. We belong together... BUT... he is not perfect, I am not perfect and we do not live in romantic hazy bliss all the time. I have a single friend and I try to explain it to her. Like my Mom... she does not have to be the most beautiful, smartest, most efficient woman in the world, but she is my Mom and she belongs to me. I could never love her more and would be lost without her. It is the same with my husband. He doesn't have to be the smartest, richest, handsomest, most romantic man in the world, living in a hazy romantic world with me. He is my husband and he belongs to me. I could never love him (or anyone else) more and I would be lost without him. We are truly soulmates, but I don't believe in the Sleepless in Seattle romantic gushy type of soulmate.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

I was thinking the same thing, and as a general rule they are not men. What is it Anne of Green Gables used to say?

 

I had to look it up: Kindred Spirits. I believe in those.

 

 

ETA: I think dh and I are kindred spirits.

 

And funnily enough, you were among the few on this board that I felt would "get" that and agree. ;)

[Mama Lynx]

:iagree: This is sort of how I feel as well. Because of my personal spiritual beliefs, I do believe it's possible for 2 people to have an immediate strong connection that could be described as soulmates. But I don't believe there is necessarily only one right person for each of us.

 

I do absolutely think it is possible to be happy and have a good marriage with more than one person. If I didn't have my dh, I do believe that I could still have a happy relationship.

 

So I believe some people are meant for each other, in that they have a strong connection, or if you believe in fate, then that; but not that there is only one perfect person, no.

[Karen sn]

My best friend Aimee is a soul mate.

I believe we have souls that will collide with ours in every one of our lifetimes. She is one of those. I could not live without her in my life - this one or any other.

 

I think we may have several soul mates.

My boyfriend - maybe he is one, maybe not....only time will tell.

[Sahamamama]

I am married to mine. :001_smile:

[Paula in PA]

I do absolutely think it is possible to be happy and have a good marriage with more than one person. If I didn't have my dh, I do believe that I could still have a happy relationship.

 

So I believe some people are meant for each other, in that they have a strong connection, or if you believe in fate, then that; but not that there is only one perfect person, no.

 

:iagree: That's what I was trying to say. You said it better. :D

[3lilreds in NC]

Nope, only that people are more or less suited to one another on a continuum. People can grow more suited to one another over time or people can grow apart.

Compatibility is nature coupled with environment, so it's pretty fluid over time.

 

Barb

 

I agree with Barb. I know people who seem to be married to their soul mates. I used to believe in them when I was young and romantic, and then I got married. ;) I love my dh, I do, and we have a great marriage (now), but we're not in the "soul mate" category. (Interestingly, he thinks I am his soul mate. I would love to know his definition of soul mate, sometime.)

 

I have often wondered if some people have an easier time getting along/staying bonded to each other. My theory is that when you marry someone who speaks your love language well, and you speak theirs well, you feel like soul mates. My dh and I have learned each other's love languages, but mine do not come naturally to him and his make no sense to me at all, so it feels like a lot of work. It's absolutely worth it, but do you know what I mean when I say not so much on the "soul mate" end of the continuum?