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Speaking of Cornbread Dressing (Another Etiquette Poll)

AlmiraGulch
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Please Address the Dressing Conundrum  

  1. 1. Please Address the Dressing Conundrum

    • Show up with the dressing. It's your Thanksgiving, too.
      40
    • Ask the hostess if it would be ok for you to take the other dressing.
      36
    • Make it for yourself for another day.
      58
    • Let it go.....you don't needed the added calories anyway.
      8
    • Other
      4

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AlmiraGulch

AlmiraGulch

Posted
Posted

I don't like cornbread dressing at all. I LOVE regular, traditional, sage-and-whatever-else-you-want-to-put-in-it dressing.

 

My niece and her husband have taken over the Thanksgiving hosting duties, for which I will be eternally grateful. But they always have cornbread dressing. Blah.

 

I considered asking my niece if I could contribute some of the other type to the meal, but she already told me what she wants me to take and I don't want to be pushy. It's her home, her gig, her choice of cornbread.

 

On the other hand, it's a family celebration, to which we are all contributing, and I kind of think we should get to have some of what we like.

 

In the end, I decided if I wanted it badly enough I could make it some other day, and I'll just let it go.

 

What would you have done?

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myfunnybunch

myfunnybunch

Posted
Posted

I probably would've asked if she minded if I brought some traditional stuffing too.

 

My BIL finally asked if we'd mind if he made traditional stuffing to go with my mom's fabulous cornbread stuffing. He made it clear that the cornbread stuffing wasn't the problem, it was that he associated his mom's traditional stuffing recipe with Thanksgiving. Now we have two fabulous kinds of stuffing for Thanksgiving. I love stuffing, so having two kinds of stuffing....heavenly!

 

Cat

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Avila

Avila

Posted
Posted
I don't like cornbread dressing at all. I LOVE regular, traditional, sage-and-whatever-else-you-want-to-put-in-it dressing.

 

My niece and her husband have taken over the Thanksgiving hosting duties, for which I will be eternally grateful. But they always have cornbread dressing. Blah.

 

I considered asking my niece if I could contribute some of the other type to the meal, but she already told me what she wants me to take and I don't want to be pushy. It's her home, her gig, her choice of cornbread.

 

On the other hand, it's a family celebration, to which we are all contributing, and I kind of think we should get to have some of what we like.

 

In the end, I decided if I wanted it badly enough I could make it some other day, and I'll just let it go.

 

What would you have done?

 

Made what she asked and made the dressing too. A little extra food at Thanksgiving never hurts.

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Mama2Many4

Mama2Many4

Posted
Posted

My inlaws do not make dressing at all. I cannot have Tday without it! So, I make my own and bring it every year. I always leave it out as an offering for all. Then bring home the leftovers when prompted to do so.

 

Bring your's. That's your dish YOU enjoy! Just because she's hosting doesn't mean she determines everything that everyone eats.

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Mrs Mungo

Mrs Mungo

Posted
Posted

Just call and say, "hey, I'm all prepared with that dish you asked me to bring, but I wondered if I could bring a non-cornbread dressing as well? It's what I grew up with and it's not Thanksgiving for me without it." I cannot tell you how many Thanksgiving dinners I have hosted with military families where we had 2 or 3 or 4 types of dressing. Apparently, it's a pretty big deal to people, lol.

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Annie G

Annie G

Posted
Posted
Just call and say, "hey, I'm all prepared with that dish you asked me to bring, but I wondered if I could bring a non-cornbread dressing as well? It's what I grew up with and it's not Thanksgiving for me without it." I cannot tell you how many Thanksgiving dinners I have hosted with military families where we had 2 or 3 or 4 types of dressing. Apparently, it's a pretty big deal to people, lol.

 

:iagree:

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Ellie

Ellie

Posted
Posted

I voted to show up with the other dressing, but I'd be ok with fixing it for yourself on another day.

 

Goodness...it's a potluck, right? Lots of dishes set out on a communal table, people choosing what they want to eat or not eat...an extra dish would not be a big deal.

 

Now, if it were a formal, sit-down dinner, something which your niece had prepared all by her onesie, then I'd tell you to eat what is set before you like a big girl. But a potluck? Naw. Just be all smiley-face, and be sure to compliment neice and her dh on everything you can think of, so just in case they start out being bent out of shape, they'll get over it because you're so charming. :D

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happyhomemaker

happyhomemaker

Posted
Posted
Just call and say, "hey, I'm all prepared with that dish you asked me to bring, but I wondered if I could bring a non-cornbread dressing as well? It's what I grew up with and it's not Thanksgiving for me without it." I cannot tell you how many Thanksgiving dinners I have hosted with military families where we had 2 or 3 or 4 types of dressing. Apparently, it's a pretty big deal to people, lol.

 

:iagree: I bring stuffed carrots to mil's house every TG. I might be the only one who eats them, but I can't have TG without them. I also bring whatever else has been requested of me for the rest of the family.

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Jenny in Florida

Jenny in Florida

Posted
Posted
Just call and say, "hey, I'm all prepared with that dish you asked me to bring, but I wondered if I could bring a non-cornbread dressing as well? It's what I grew up with and it's not Thanksgiving for me without it."

 

I'd do this. I wouldn't show up with food I haven't been "assigned" when someone else is coordinating a meal, but I think it's fine to ask politely if it's okay. And I can't imagine anyone saying no to such a polite request.

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Catwoman

Catwoman

Posted
Posted
:iagree: I bring stuffed carrots to mil's house every TG.

 

OK, I may be the only clueless one here, but what are stuffed carrots?

 

I'm sitting here wondering how, exactly, one would stuff a carrot, and what one might want to put in there.

 

We all like carrots at our house, so I'm thinking this could be a cool thing to try.

 

Thanks!!!

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AlmiraGulch

AlmiraGulch

Posted
  • Author
Posted
OK, I may be the only clueless one here, but what are stuffed carrots?

 

I'm sitting here wondering how, exactly, one would stuff a carrot, and what one might want to put in there.

 

We all like carrots at our house, so I'm thinking this could be a cool thing to try.

 

Thanks!!!

 

I was wondering the exact same thing. I'm intrigued.

 

Still haven't decided what I'm going to do about the dressing, though. I thought I was just letting it go, but now we may just have one extra pan of food....

 

ETA: I forgot to mention that my sister (my niece's mother) gets very persnickety when people show up with food she didn't plan. Seriously. She looks at it like it's her menu, and she doesn't want it tampered with. I don't know if her daughter inherited that gene or not. I'm hoping not.

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happyhomemaker

happyhomemaker

Posted
Posted

I didn't mean to hijack the thread with my carrots :tongue_smilie:

 

Basically, I peel them and cut them into 3-4" pieces and then boil the pieces until tender. Then I cut a triangular wedge down the length of each piece. Place all of the wedges in a bowl, add minced onion and white bread crumbs (Mom tells me only to use Pepperidge Farm), and mash it all together with some melted butter and s&p to bind it into a stuffing type mix. Put the carrot stuffing back in the carrot pieces and bake them in the oven at 350 for about 20 min. They are simple, but our family really enjoys them. :001_smile:

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Slojo's Homeschool

Slojo's Homeschool

Posted
Posted

Bring it, maybe mentioning it out of courtesy for the host. I wouldn't call it "traditional" though - depends on who's tradition we're talking about:tongue_smilie:.

 

I make a sweet potato pie every Thanksgiving we go to my inlaws because I grew up with it rather than pumpkin (personally I think it tastes way better than pumpkin, but that's a different story). The sweet potato gets eaten just as much as the pumpkin and I married into a family with deep Northern New England roots (not a sweet potato in sight).

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NanceXToo

NanceXToo

Posted
Posted
can you bring both?

 

Yes, I'd bring both things! No "asking," just showing up with it!

 

If she asked me to bring something specific, I'd graciously bring it. But I'd also just go ahead and bring the stuffing (or dressing, whatever you call it in your neck of the woods lol) as well, because I happen to LOVE stuffing, and I would HATE to have icky stuffing that I don't like on Thanksgiving, I'd want to have yummy stuffing that I DO like, especially on Thanksgiving, and so I'd just be like, "Oh, here, I brought this thing you asked for and I also brought this extra stuffing dish as well just because!" Smile, beam, crisis averted, meal enjoyed!

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JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst

JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst

Posted
Posted

1) I'd take what ever she asked you to bring. No debate there.

 

2) If it isn't a sit down formal dinner I'd bring my dish too. For a big family T-day buffet I always say the more the merrier. If she has a planned set course formal dinner at a table then maybe you should save your dressing for leftovers or snacks later that night.

 

3) Do you dice the carrot wedges when you mix them with the bread crumbs or leave them whole? I have to try the stuffed carrots-never even heard of them before today.

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silliness7

silliness7

Posted
Posted
I don't like cornbread dressing at all. I LOVE regular, traditional, sage-and-whatever-else-you-want-to-put-in-it dressing.

 

My niece and her husband have taken over the Thanksgiving hosting duties, for which I will be eternally grateful. But they always have cornbread dressing. Blah.

 

I considered asking my niece if I could contribute some of the other type to the meal, but she already told me what she wants me to take and I don't want to be pushy. It's her home, her gig, her choice of cornbread.

 

On the other hand, it's a family celebration, to which we are all contributing, and I kind of think we should get to have some of what we like.

 

In the end, I decided if I wanted it badly enough I could make it some other day, and I'll just let it go.

 

What would you have done?

 

I would bring what she has asked you to bring but I would *not* hesitate to bring anything else that strikes my fancy. If that happened to be cornbread dressing, so be it. I've thrown lots of dinners where guests show up with some kind of surprise dish or other. We add it to the table and go on our merry way. But maybe I'm low brow.

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Kate CA

Kate CA

Posted
Posted
I was shocked the first time I went to Thanksgiving at my ILs and there were NO POTATOES. I have since just made my own and bring them. ;) It's not Thanksgiving for me without mashed potatoes! No one has complained yet. :) I would take the other stuffing!

 

Wow, those are almost fighting words!! No mashed potatoes?! Who would have thought?! :D

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staceyobu

staceyobu

Posted
Posted
I would just make it another day of I thought it might offend the hostess. IMO it is not worth the drama to stir the pot.

 

I'm convinced some of you live on a different planet than I do. :tongue_smilie: The idea that anyone could be offended by someone showing up on their doorstep with extra food is baffling!

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Tigger

Tigger

Posted
Posted

 

My BIL finally asked if we'd mind if he made traditional stuffing to go with my mom's fabulous cornbread stuffing. He made it clear that the cornbread stuffing wasn't the problem, it was that he associated his mom's traditional stuffing recipe with Thanksgiving. Now we have two fabulous kinds of stuffing for Thanksgiving. I love stuffing, so having two kinds of stuffing....heavenly!

 

Cat

 

My DH finally told me two years ago, after years of marriage!, that he'd really like it if we made cornbread stuffing....to him that's Thanksgiving.....to me, I grew up with traditional stuffing and can't imagine Thanksgiving without it -- so now we make both!

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happyhomemaker

happyhomemaker

Posted
Posted

3) Do you dice the carrot wedges when you mix them with the bread crumbs or leave them whole? I have to try the stuffed carrots-never even heard of them before today.

 

I just throw them in the bowl with everything else and mash everything with a fork until it looks fairly homogenous. You could dice them before putting them in if you wanted to, but they're pretty soft and mash easily without dicing. Hope they turn out well for you!

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laundrycrisis

laundrycrisis

Posted
Posted (edited)

The only thing I would ask is, "is the dressing going to be cornbread ? Okey doke." Then I would bring the dish I was asked to bring and SURPRISE ! also dressing I am going to enjoy. Enough to share. You may not be the only one with this preference.

Edited by laundrycrisis
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JFSinIL

JFSinIL

Posted
Posted
My MIL puts raisins and nuts in her dressing and it's usually pretty dry. :ack2: Not my taste! I would just skip it.

 

When I still went over there for Thanksgiving I would always make a meal the way I wanted it at our house the next day. :D

 

When we were still having to go to mil's for Thanksgiving we'd cook up an entire turkey, etc. for ourselves and our four kids on Friday. We wanted our own family time, and LEFTOVERS!!!

 

:D

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AngieW in Texas

AngieW in Texas

Posted
Posted

After having potatoes of some type almost every meal at the dorm since she moved there mid-August, my 18yo has asked me to please not have anything with potatoes for the 3 days that she'll be home for Thanksgiving.

 

She loves potatoes and can't resist them even when she's thoroughly sick of them. And apparently the campus dining hall has very good mashed potatoes and french fries.

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Heather in Neverland

Heather in Neverland

Posted
Posted

Well, it depends.

 

If the hostess specifically stated she was making the dressing/stuffing and asked you to make something else to contribute to the dinner and you show up with more stuffing? Yeah, I would think that was odd.

 

 

I am having thanksgiving dinner at my house with 20 people. Everyone has volunteered for or asked what they could bring and everything is already divided up. And everyone knows what the others are bringing. So for instance, one woman has said she is bringing green bean casserole and everyone else in the group knows she is bringing it and then if another woman who said she was bringing pumpkin pie brings green bean casserole too? Yeah, that would be weird.

 

I make cornbread stuffing. If you were coming to my house and you or your kids didn't like cornbread stuffing and it was such a big deal to you that you just had to have a different kind that day, then I would rather you be honest and say "My family doesn't care for cornbread stuffing so I am going to make bread stuffing and bring it."

 

That's better than just showing up with it or asking the hostess to make another kind.

 

But if it were me, I'd just deal with it. (p.s. I don't like greenbean casserole)

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Slojo's Homeschool

Slojo's Homeschool

Posted
Posted

I wonder if mentioning it to her this year will open up the idea that every year two dressings are served. My MIL did a very nice thing my first Thanksgiving as "family." She asked me to make several sweet potato pies for the 40-person meal she hosts, even though she's a Martha Stewarty type who would usually make several pies - pumpkin, apple and mincemeat (which I hadn't realized anyone made past medieval times).

 

What I appreciated is that she made room for other traditions/traditional foods, in an attempt to both make me feel comfortable AND in recognition that the growing family (this time through marriage) has several traditions now, not just the one they grew up with. BTW, I love both types of stuffing so I'm glad that I get one kind one year when we do Thanksgiving with my family and the other kind the next year when we do Thanksgiving with my very NORTHERN New England-descended family (my husband's family apparently helped found Connecticut). Besides, I'd gain too many pounds if both were presented as options every Thanksgiving.

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OrganicAnn

OrganicAnn

Posted
Posted (edited)

 

 

I was going to say don't bring the stuffing if you think she might be at all picky about what is being served. I think that since your sister is picky, then I would not bring the stuffing. I would make it up the morning of TG and then bring home left over Turkey and have it as your evening meal - or the next day.

 

The truly insulting thing would be that everyone eats your stuffing and not hers. And you don't want to chance that.

Edited by OrganicAnn
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angela in ohio

angela in ohio

Posted
Posted

Maybe I'm wierd, but I can't even imagine taking an "alternate" dressing to Thanksgiving that someone else is hosting. That's just obviously saying that you don't like their dressing. It's completely different than taking a dish that you were asked to bring, because that isn't duplicating something else. I voted to make it for yoruself another time. I think even the possibility of hurting her feelings is a more important consideration than what food is served or not served.

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Heather in Neverland

Heather in Neverland

Posted
Posted
Maybe I'm wierd, but I can't even imagine taking an "alternate" dressing to Thanksgiving that someone else is hosting. That's just obviously saying that you don't like their dressing. It's completely different than taking a dish that you were asked to bring, because that isn't duplicating something else. I voted to make it for yoruself another time. I think even the possibility of hurting her feelings is a more important consideration than what food is served or not served.

 

:iagree:

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laundrycrisis

laundrycrisis

Posted
Posted (edited)
Maybe I'm wierd, but I can't even imagine taking an "alternate" dressing to Thanksgiving that someone else is hosting. That's just obviously saying that you don't like their dressing.

 

Yes, it is ! That is exactly the point ! People have different tastes in dressing. The meal is improved by offering both :001_smile:

 

If this was a one-year arrangement, I would just deal with it and live without stuffing I liked. But if she is going to be hosting for this family every year, then the dressing issue needs to be taken in hand. Nip it in the bud !

Edited by laundrycrisis
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Zebra

Zebra

Posted
Posted

I chose "other" because my first thought was, "What on EARTH is cornbread (salad) dressing?" :lol:

 

Now I get it, you mean STUFFING!

 

Just bring the stuffing. It would be one thing if you were bringing the same thing....that might be a little insulting to some people. But you are bringing a different thing. Even then, I would feel like everyone should have what food they want to eat, and I wouldn't be offended. It would seem neat to me to try something different.

 

BTW, I just found out this week that there was such a thing as "cornbread" stuffing! I have never heard of it. We're actually trying it this year.

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