WWYD, co-op teacher used the "F" word to my daugther

[classics4us]

We had our first day of co-op yesterday and during break a mom takes the kids outside for some leg stretching. During the course of their play my dd (11) uses the phrase "What the?" in our household it is short "what in the world?" I see now after yesterdays incident that it could be misconstrued for something vulgar. I will be stopping my children from saying it. Anyhow, the teacher who is also my friend took dd aside and asked her if she knew what that meant. Dd does not like confrontation and immediately felt threatened by this woman so she clammed up. The teacher tells her "It means, what the f---, so don't use it around me" My dd of course was embarrassed and horrified that an adult used that kind of language around her. She had no idea that it could mean that.

What would you say to this woman or would you just let it slide?

Not a good start for our first day of co-op.

[BigMamaBird]

My Mom did that once. We were watching some movie (Eddie Murphy I think) and they were dropping the F-Bomb. My Mom is the sterotypical Sunday School Teacher Lady. She comes running in the room shouting "F---! F---! F---! See! It's not so funny when your MOM says it!!"

 

Yeah, we turned that movie off real quick.

[Ria]

As awkward as it may be, I think the co-op teacher may have saved your child from some future embarrassment; in short, I think she did your dd a favor. "What the..." really does mean WTF. Your child needed to know.

 

Be thankful your dd didn't say it in church or somewhere else.:001_smile:

[Chris in VA]

I think she was perfectly appropriate. She didn't use it as an expletive *at* your dd, like your title sounded. She was explaining what most of the culture uses it to mean, and why that's not ok.

 

I think you should stop using it all together, even if it means something different at your house, honestly.

[Parrothead]

I would tell her in no uncertain terms that I did not want her to use that kind of language with my kid ever again. The phrase could also end with "heck."

 

 

I'd also let the people in charge of the co-op know what happened.

 

 

That is the one word that drives me over the edge.

[EKS]

"What the..." really does mean WTF.

 

It could also mean "What the heck?"

[DarlaS]

As awkward as it may be, I think the co-op teacher may have saved your child from some future embarrassment; in short, I think she did your dd a favor. "What the..." really does mean WTF. Your child needed to know.

 

Be thankful your dd didn't say it in church or somewhere else.:001_smile:

 

:iagree:

 

If she means to say "What in the world?" She needs to say that--and not drop the "in" or "world".

 

My 7 yo has recently picked this one up from other kids. I've banned it, but not really explained why yet. Probably better do that. :tongue_smilie:

[Janie Grace]

As awkward as it may be, I think the co-op teacher may have saved your child from some future embarrassment; in short, I think she did your dd a favor. "What the..." really does mean WTF. Your child needed to know.

 

Be thankful your dd didn't say it in church or somewhere else.:001_smile:

 

Wow, I'm glad for this thread! I thought it was innocent too... like stopping short of saying "what the heck" or something. I think it's in an animated movie my kids watch (don't remember which one) and they say it sometimes too. No more!

[DarlaS]

It could also mean "What the heck?"

 

True. But if all you're going to say is "heck", just say it. Some people won't like that either by the way. "Heck" is a substitute for hell.

[Ria]

The phrase could also end with "heck."

 

 

But it doesn't...not around today's teens, young adults, um, most of the population. If a person says "what the ..." the F is implied. The child needed to know.

[beaners]

As awkward as it may be, I think the co-op teacher may have saved your child from some future embarrassment; in short, I think she did your dd a favor. "What the..." really does mean WTF. Your child needed to know.

 

Be thankful your dd didn't say it in church or somewhere else.:001_smile:

 

Yeah, like the time I said SOL in front of my step-father's parents because my mom was always saying it. She had claimed it meant So Outta Luck. Ha.

 

I have an itchy trigger finger and I wouldn't be upset about this.

[catz]

My almost 11 year old son says this on occasion and he certainly doesn't mean to insinuate any swearing. On the other hand, if a teacher in a co-op setting cornered him and said this, it might give him pause to use that expression. Honestly, I don't really like it when he uses these kind of expressions OVER and OVER. I might tell the teacher he wasn't using it in that context, so she wouldn't blacklist him as a trouble maker. But I'm not sure I'd make a big deal out of it. We try not to make a huge deal out of swearing when we hear it out in the world. I don't tolerate my kids swearing, but they're going to hear it now and again.

[Tangerine]

I think the teacher was a bit over the top. I can (almost sort of) understand if it was actually a derivative of a swear word, like friggin' or the like. But "What the?" is so ridiculously tame.

[Tammyla]

Snort...oh my.:tongue_smilie:

 

My Mom did that once. We were watching some movie (Eddie Murphy I think) and they were dropping the F-Bomb. My Mom is the sterotypical Sunday School Teacher Lady. She comes running in the room shouting "F---! F---! F---! See! It's not so funny when your MOM says it!!"

 

Yeah, we turned that movie off real quick.

 

OP...I think Ria, is right. Many people will think it means WTF, and your dd needs to know that. I'm sorry she had such an embarrassing first day. If you want to mention it to the other mother that would be fine.

[2_girls_mommy]

I have to say this phrase drives me nuts. It gets to me every time I hear some young person say it. I don't think I would have spelled it out to her, but I would have told them not to say it that it is short for a curse word.

 

I might mention to your friend that your dd told you what happened, and that you guys didn't know that is what it meant and that she certainly didn't mean it that way. But do it with a smile. I wouldn't get on to her about it.

[mom2scouts]

I think she did your dd a favor. When someone says "What the..." the F word is usually implied. I understand that your dd didn't know that and didn't intend to say that, but I think most people fill it in that way.

[Margo out of lurking]

I'm aghast at the responders who thought the teacher was appropriate. I would never, NEVER, think, "What the ?" would end with the F word. Unfortunately, it leaves the unsaid word to the imagination.

 

While this teacher did not use the F word "at" your dd, she used the F word "to" your dd. This is mere semantics; it does not make it okay in the second situation.

 

I would be furious for so many reasons. It is not up to the teacher to "explain" to your dd what she "said" when dd did not say it. I would absolutely be discussing this with leadership, and if for any reason they found this to be somehow appropriate, that would be my indication that this co-op was terribly wrong for my family.

 

I'm no prude. Perhaps I'm just an older generation. I hear this word all the time, but people who use this word in front of others' children are incredibly selfish, rude and thoughtless, no matter what the context. Don't inflict your profanity on my kids. Say it in front of your own, but leave mine alone.

 

:confused::confused::confused:

[DarlaS]

I think the teacher was a bit over the top. I can (almost sort of) understand if it was actually a derivative of a swear word, like friggin' or the like. But "What the?" is so ridiculously tame.

 

By dropping the word though, you are implying that the unsaid word is a word you should not say. They started to, and then thought better of it. We don't generally do that with innocuous words.

 

You know, like if someone says "Why you little....". You're not thinking they were about to call you a little angel now are you? ;)

 

Kids will copy adults and other kids. Somewhere back there, the original speaker meant "What the **ck", and that's the word people are going to use to fill in the blank if they don't know your kid.

[Firefly]

What!? I always assume it's "What the hell?", not WTF. This is how it is in my circles... must be a regional thing. *shrug*

 

At any rate, I really prefer if an adult has an issue with something one of my children has done, that they address it WITH ME, not with the child. (Unless of course, someone's in danger of being hurt and it calls for immediate action.) YMMV.

[blessed2fosteradopt]

I strongly dislike the phrase as well, however, I do not believe using the word with an 11yo was the proper way to handle it at all and I would not be too happy about it. There are many other ways she could've conveyed her point with dropping the "F" word. In what context the word was used would be of no significance to me. It was inappropriate.

[BatmansWife]

We had our first day of co-op yesterday and during break a mom takes the kids outside for some leg stretching. During the course of their play my dd (11) uses the phrase "What the?" in our household it is short "what in the world?" I see now after yesterdays incident that it could be misconstrued for something vulgar. I will be stopping my children from saying it. Anyhow, the teacher who is also my friend took dd aside and asked her if she knew what that meant. Dd does not like confrontation and immediately felt threatened by this woman so she clammed up. The teacher tells her "It means, what the f---, so don't use it around me" My dd of course was embarrassed and horrified that an adult used that kind of language around her. She had no idea that it could mean that.

What would you say to this woman or would you just let it slide?

Not a good start for our first day of co-op.

 

I think it was totally inappropriate of the teacher/mom and it wasn't her place to explain it to your dd. She said, "It means, what the f---, so don't use it around me." What does that mean? She doesn't want the phrase, with the F word cut-off, used around her (when there are other possible endings)...but she can say the full word out loud to your dd?? NOT cool! :thumbdown: I would definitely say something about it. She could have said, "Ask your mom what it means." She could have said, "It means the F word" (and not say the word). She could have just approached you and not pull dd off to the side to teach her what it means (again....I don't think it's her place). I think it's really uncalled for and I'd be mad. I really do think something needs to be said to the woman or one of the co-op leaders. My answer: No...don't just let it slide.

[blessed2fosteradopt]

I'm aghast at the responders who thought the teacher was appropriate. I would never, NEVER, think, "What the ?" would end with the F word. Unfortunately, it leaves the unsaid word to the imagination.

 

While this teacher did not use the F word "at" your dd, she used the F word "to" your dd. This is mere semantics; it does not make it okay in the second situation.

 

I would be furious for so many reasons. It is not up to the teacher to "explain" to your dd what she "said" when dd did not say it. I would absolutely be discussing this with leadership, and if for any reason they found this to be somehow appropriate, that would be my indication that this co-op was terribly wrong for my family.

 

I'm no prude. Perhaps I'm just an older generation. I hear this word all the time, but people who use this word in front of others' children are incredibly selfish, rude and thoughtless, no matter what the context. Don't inflict your profanity on my kids. Say it in front of your own, but leave mine alone.

 

:confused::confused::confused:

 

:iagree:

[Lady Florida.]

As awkward as it may be, I think the co-op teacher may have saved your child from some future embarrassment; in short, I think she did your dd a favor. "What the..." really does mean WTF. Your child needed to know.

 

Be thankful your dd didn't say it in church or somewhere else.:001_smile:

 

:iagree:

[EKS]

True. But if all you're going to say is "heck", just say it. Some people won't like that either by the way. "Heck" is a substitute for hell.

 

Two things.

 

The child did not say the f word.

 

I know that heck is a substitute for hell, but it sure isn't as bad as the f word.

 

Actually three things.

 

Some people, if they can't tolerate nothing or heck, *REALLY* need to lighten up.

[DawnM]

When people say "what the" around me, I have never once thought it automatically implied the F word.

 

In fact, the first word that would come to MY mind would be hell.

 

I think it was completely inappropriate and if you said to my child, "That is often followed by the F word in today's society" they would get it. An adult doesn't need to actually say the word.

 

Dawn

[Nakia]

Um no. That teacher was way out of line. I would address it with her and the co-op leaders.

[unsinkable]

While I don't think the teacher should have actually said "f---" to your child, I think your child needs to know that for some people, the next word after "what the-" is "f---."

 

The teacher should have told you, not your child.

[DarlaS]

Two things.

 

The child did not say the f word.

 

I know that heck is a substitute for hell, but it sure isn't as bad as the f word.

 

Actually three things.

 

Some people, if they can't tolerate nothing or heck, *REALLY* need to lighten up.

 

True that. You're going to meet people like that though. I went to a private school full of uptight individuals. We could not even say "Gee" without getting into trouble.

 

If someone said that to my kid, I'd be speaking to her, but I'd also be trying to eliminate that annoying habit from my kid's vocabulary--because people will assume the word she's not saying is not being said for good reason.

 

She did not actually need to say **ck in front of this little girl. You'd think she never met a kid who copied popular expressions without realizing the meaning before. :001_huh:

[mrs.m]

The teacher should have corrected the behavior in class without the explanation. She should have spoken with you about her perceived meaning of the phrase and let you address that further at home. And she should be allowed to ban the phrase in her classroom since she finds it offensive. She has to maintain control of the class.

 

I think you need to either speak with her or the co-op director. The correction was inappropriate and unprofessional.

[Ria]

Interesting....the "this was totally inappropriate" folks seem, on the whole, to have younger kids. Totally understandable.

 

However, if one happens to spend time with older teens and young adults in a social setting (outside of church and away from parents) one would not question the teacher's assumption that "What the ...." implied the F. It really is commonly accepted in the vernacular these days.

 

I just don't understand why people would want to shelter their children from this implied meaning. Teach the kids so they don't make themselves and their families look bad by saying something that has a different meaning outside their home. The F word has been around a long, long time. It's not going away.

[Trish]

But it doesn't...not around today's teens, young adults, um, most of the population. If a person says "what the ..." the F is implied. The child needed to know.

 

Oh, for the Chuch Lady's sake, "heck" evolved because people didn't want to say "hell." And "darn it" is an implied "**** it. Now missing words are an implied BAD word -- one that is not even said?

 

Well blank blank!

[In The Great White North]

I'm aghast at the responders who thought the teacher was appropriate. I would never, NEVER, think, "What the ?" would end with the F word. Unfortunately, it leaves the unsaid word to the imagination.

 

While this teacher did not use the F word "at" your dd, she used the F word "to" your dd. This is mere semantics; it does not make it okay in the second situation.

 

I would be furious for so many reasons. It is not up to the teacher to "explain" to your dd what she "said" when dd did not say it. I would absolutely be discussing this with leadership, and if for any reason they found this to be somehow appropriate, that would be my indication that this co-op was terribly wrong for my family.

 

I'm no prude. Perhaps I'm just an older generation. I hear this word all the time, but people who use this word in front of others' children are incredibly selfish, rude and thoughtless, no matter what the context. Don't inflict your profanity on my kids. Say it in front of your own, but leave mine alone.

 

:confused::confused::confused:

 

:iagree:

 

At 11, my dc had never heard that word. And I would be less than happy that if a teacher had taught it to her.

 

Right up there with learning about drugs, sex and alcohol from the pediatrician.

[Momto3indians]

...it seems to me that she meant well but as a mom myself, I would have rather the teacher come to me, first....and explained her concerns. It is basically true that when one says 'what the!!...' one thinks of that horrible word immediately.

[AHASRADA]

While I don't think the teacher should have actually said "f---" to your child, I think your child needs to know that for some people, the next word after "what the-" is "f---."

 

The teacher should have told you, not your child.

 

I never got into the habit of swearing, have never sworn in my life, and so no, when I hear these partial phrases, my mind does not automatically go to a swear word. In my head, "What the..." is followed by "heck", "Oh you little..." is followed by "monster" or "brat", sorry, my mind just doesn't go there.

 

However, I know many people's thoughts *do* go there, and it should have been brought to the OPs attention, advising her of the common meaning of the phrase, and suggesting that she have a discussion with her dd about not using, and that the coop teacher would not tolerate it on the playground.

 

My dd likely wouldn't even know what the "F" word is or means, never having heard it before (she doesn't watch R movies, and we don't use it at home). Therefore, this is a discussion I would want to have with her myself.

 

Using the actual swear word in front of the child was totally inappropriate.

[mom2denj]

I would be LIVID!!!! Your dd is 11 years old. I would definitely be talking to this "friend"! She had no right! She should have pulled your dd to the side and let herr know that what she was actually saying was inappropriate. She should have then pulled you to the side and let you know that you need to talk to your dd and let her know what it means and that it is inappropriate. :glare:

[unsinkable]

Just for kicks, I searched this board for WTF. People here have used it.

 

If you don't think that "What the-" can be followed by the grandmother of all bad words, what do/did you think the F stood for?

[mrs.m]

Well blank blank!

 

Seriously, there is no reason to be so offensive! :glare:

 

 

 

 

:lol:

[tmulcahy]

Two things.

 

The child did not say the f word.

 

I know that heck is a substitute for hell, but it sure isn't as bad as the f word.

 

Actually three things.

 

Some people, if they can't tolerate nothing or heck, *REALLY* need to lighten up.

 

YUP! My son says what the....

 

At first it bothered me and then I realized, what the...., it's not that big of a deal here. He has no bad intent. It does not matter what anyone else thinks. It is what I have said is allowable for my son to use and that is what matters. I am tired of tip toeing around others because they will think I am a loose parent with loose morals. Since some WTMers use word TeA in conversation to mean something else....Am I not supposed to be able to say the word tea without judgement? I agree with the above poster...lighten up. I get so aggravated at all the judgement passed on these little issues. Finger pointed at the co op teacher...not the OP.

 

To the OP....You know, I would not have minded the co op teacher explaining the phrase to my daughter but would have minded her assuming that she meant it that way. It could have meant WT heck, WT hell, WT mess (as I have heard kids say around here). I would have been more bothered by the fact that she assumed that my child meant WT-F and not something more innocent.

 

If your child is dropping the F bomb then that is another story...what the... are you teaching them? :lol:

Edited September 15, 2011 by tmulcahy
misplaced word

[Unicorn.]

Interesting....the "this was totally inappropriate" folks seem, on the whole, to have younger kids. Totally understandable.

 

However, if one happens to spend time with older teens and young adults in a social setting (outside of church and away from parents) one would not question the teacher's assumption that "What the ...." implied the F. It really is commonly accepted in the vernacular these days.

 

I just don't understand why people would want to shelter their children from this implied meaning. Teach the kids so they don't make themselves and their families look bad by saying something that has a different meaning outside their home. The F word has been around a long, long time. It's not going away.

 

:iagree: And OP, if it means "what in the world" at your house, then teach your child to finish the phrase, because most of the world is going to think wtf.

[Trish]

...it seems to me that she meant well but as a mom myself, I would have rather the teacher come to me, first....and explained her concerns. It is basically true that when one says 'what the!!...' one thinks of that horrible word immediately.

 

I don't. Well, after this thread maybe. I go to what we naturally say, which is what the heck.

[Ria]

I'm guessing I'm one of the few posters who actually taught her kids what words are considered bad, and what they mean, eh?

 

I wanted them to know, so as to prevent mistakes like the OP's daughter made, and so they would understand what was meant when they heard such words. My children were not harmed. Their ears did not smolder and fall off. They learned something, and that was the end of it.

[Starr]

It is amazing what all my dc learned at church. It is unfortunate for someone else to beat us to it but this isn't the end of the world. Your dd is old enough to start hearing a lot more than this if she ever leaves the house. I would find some info and start having some conversations that you were hoping could wait a few more years. :grouphug:

[mom2denj]

Interesting....the "this was totally inappropriate" folks seem, on the whole, to have younger kids. Totally understandable.

 

However, if one happens to spend time with older teens and young adults in a social setting (outside of church and away from parents) one would not question the teacher's assumption that "What the ...." implied the F. It really is commonly accepted in the vernacular these days.

 

I just don't understand why people would want to shelter their children from this implied meaning. Teach the kids so they don't make themselves and their families look bad by saying something that has a different meaning outside their home. The F word has been around a long, long time. It's not going away.

I absolutely think that it was inappropriate for this teacher to explain the F word to an 11 year old child that is not her child!! I would not shelter my child from the word, but I want to be the one to explain to my own child. She was not an older teen, she was 11.

[Haiku]

My almost 11 year old son says this on occasion and he certainly doesn't mean to insinuate any swearing.

 

But you and he should be aware that other people will take it as implied swearing.

 

Tara

[BatmansWife]

Interesting....the "this was totally inappropriate" folks seem, on the whole, to have younger kids. Totally understandable.

 

However, if one happens to spend time with older teens and young adults in a social setting (outside of church and away from parents) one would not question the teacher's assumption that "What the ...." implied the F. It really is commonly accepted in the vernacular these days.

 

I just don't understand why people would want to shelter their children from this implied meaning. Teach the kids so they don't make themselves and their families look bad by saying something that has a different meaning outside their home. The F word has been around a long, long time. It's not going away.

 

I don't think the OP wants to shelter her child from the implied meaning (or any of us who feel the teacher was inappropriate). The teacher could tell the child it means the "F word"....tell the mother of the child....or tell the child to ask the mom. What's inappropriate, in my opinion, is not that this teacher wanted to help explain the implied meaning to the child....but she outright said the word......at a homeschool co-op class no less. Inappropriate?? YES!

[Trish]

Just heard my son say, "What the hey."

 

Time for a lecture on brimstone? That the rest of humanity is thinking of double hockey sticks?

[Ria]

She was not an older teen, she was 11.

 

Yep, she's 11. And she was more than likely aware of the F-word's existence because she was embarrassed when it was pointed out to her that the phrase she used implied the word.

[Trish]

But you and he should be aware that other people will take it as implied swearing.

 

Tara

 

Fiddlesticks!

[Ria]

I don't think the OP wants to shelter her child from the implied meaning (or any of us who feel the teacher was inappropriate). The teacher could tell the child it means the "F word"....tell the mother of the child....or tell the child to ask the mom. What's inappropriate, in my opinion, is not that this teacher wanted to help explain the implied meaning to the child....but she outright said the word......at a homeschool co-op class no less. Inappropriate?? YES!

 

I guess the teacher has no trouble saying the word. I don't, either. You are right - the teacher could have said "f-word" instead of f*ck, but would that really be any different? Really?

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I would tell her in no uncertain terms that I did not want her to use that kind of language with my kid ever again. The phrase could also end with "heck."

 

 

I'd also let the people in charge of the co-op know what happened.

 

 

That is the one word that drives me over the edge.

 

That may be exactly why the teacher took the child aside, so that she new that the phrase triggered a particular word in many people's minds.

 

(What the... is a bad habit in our family. I am trying to break my kids (and myself) of using the phrase because I do know that many people will fill in the blank with a particular word.)